Life is a drag in Our Town!
Twilight Sparkle lifted a wing to look longingly at her posterior. “And you wouldn’t let me just live here in the village with my old cutie mark?”
“Out of the question!” Starlight Glimmer jabbed a hoof at the alicorn and scowled at her. “A pony with a different cutie mark in our midst would destroy our entire philosophy.” She looked back to the surrounding crowd and motioned to them. “We are all equal here!”
The citizens murmured with assent, nodding to each other and attempting to out-grin their neighbors as Starlight Glimmer closed her eyes for a moment, certain that she had Twilight eating out of the sole of her hoof.
“Then how do you explain this?!”
The unicorn leapt aside and shrank away as Fluttershy flung a bucketful of water at her. The vast majority of the contents were dumped onto Party Favor, whose outstretched hoof had done absolutely nothing to prevent his drenching. Starlight quickly assessed her flank and glared daggers at the pegasus.
“I knew you couldn’t be trusted! What has Party Favor ever, ever done to you?” Glimmer swung a foreleg over her face and choked back a sob. “We thought you could be our friends!”
Fluttershy slowly lowered herself back down to the ground, her voice growing quieter and quieter. “Um… I didn’t mean to… I mean, it was an accident… an honest mistake really...”
“And you! The two of you must be in cahoots with each other!” Starlight growled.
Twilight gulped and started taking steps backwards. “…We’ll just go back into your political-prisoner re-education gulag now.”
Glimmer’s eyelids were mere slits as Fluttershy followed the alicorn inside and closed the door behind her. She nodded to Party Favor, who was attempting to wring the water from his cloak, but he temporarily paused for a moment to walk over and turn the latch under the knob. There was a moment of muttering amongst the townsfolk of general confusion, smiles still plastered across their faces.
“Back to work, everypony!” cried Starlight Glimmer, beaming. “I have a feeling it will take these dissidents some time before they truly understand the meaning of friendship.”
The throng began to disperse as commanded, entering their homes, going back to their fruit stalls, or popping by the barber’s outdoor chair. Only three ponies lingered: a unicorn mare awkwardly tugging at her shabby apron, a navy blue pegasus mare with a straightened white mane, and the significantly drier stallion. In one practiced motion, they looked from side to side to check their surroundings, and seeing that the town was all going about their day, scuttled to the side of the shack and peeked through the thin open window. Inside, they could see six ponies, the captives of Starlight. They were all scattered about, lying or sitting on the floor, and were very quiet.
The PA system inside crackled to life. “Welcome to Our Town. It’s safer here.”
“Psst!” Sugar Belle whispered. “Psst!”
“Aw, gosh-darn it. Now this irritatin’ thing’s malfunctioning.” Applejack looked up at the loudspeaker and shook a hoof at it.
Rarity opened her eyes and sat up. “No Applejack, I… why, I think it’s Sugar Belle!”
The ponies on the other side waited for a few seconds as the six mares clustered around the window as best they could. It was a tight fit for all of them, but they managed to make it work. All of them leaned in as close as possible.
“I am so, so sorry for splashing all of that water on you, Party Favor,” Fluttershy said apologetically. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I mean, it’s just water. But why would you do something like that?” Party Favor asked.
“She’ll never let any of you out now!” said Sugar Belle. “The last pony that assaulted Starlight Glimmer was kept in here for months!”
“Well,” began Twilight, “this might be hard for you to believe, but… it seems that she’s not telling you the truth.”
“Friendship is incompatibility. Talent is inability. Individuality is monotony.”
Night Glider shook her head. “Your heathen sermons fall on deaf ears.”
“Her cutie mark’s fake, okay?!” blurted out Rainbow Dash.
Night Glider, Party Favor, and Sugar Belle all gasped.
“Well, technically, because she has a real cutie mark that’s hidden under that equals sign, it’s not fake!” Pinkie Pie’s voice suddenly went monotonic. “But they understand what you mean.”
“That’s not possible,” said Sugar Belle, her head in her hooves.
Fluttershy exhaled softly. “It is. I saw her through her cottage window last night.”
“Well, how can we believe you?” Night Glider asked. “This is Starlight Glimmer you’re talking about. She’s the pony that showed us friendship.”
Dash absentmindedly flicked her mane. “Sheesh, why not just soak her yourselves?”
“Cutie marks are doubleplusungood.”
Party Favor’s pupils were contracted to pinpricks. “That is unthinkable! Do you not understand what you are asking?”
Night Glider looked equally horrified. “What if she catches us? And there’s that Double Diamond, always watching us go to the basement, nosing in our business…”
“I don’t think he’s that observant of a pony, darling. He didn’t exactly connect the dots when we went to ‘get more muffins’, after all.” Rarity rolled her eyes.
“But why should we even do that?” Sugar Belle asked.
“It certainly won’t be easy,” Twilight admitted, “and you could be in a lot of danger. But it’s the only way you’ll see she’s tricked all of you.”
Applejack crossed her forelegs. “Besides, we know there’s no way you’d break us outta here. And even if you did, the whole town would be on you like… um… pancakes on… tractors? Ugh.”
“Just do it for all the hilarious hijinks and madcap misunderstandings that’ll ensue—or not. I guess that’s also an option.”
The tables outside of the town’s solitary muffin-based restaurant were packed for the afternoon lunch rush. Hungry ponies sat and conversed with each other animatedly, but Starlight Glimmer and Double Diamond had chosen the far seat across the dirt road, away from the rest of them. As Sugar Belle hurriedly bustled over to the big tables with her notepad to take the first orders of the day, Starlight eyed her suspiciously. She was speaking to two ponies first who were just arriving to take their own seats, Party Favor and Night Glider respectively.
“Is something the matter, Starlight?” Diamond had noticed her looking askance.
“That Sugar Belle is a good companion of Party Favor, yes?” Starlight said brightly as she turned back. “And who’s that other pony... Night Glider?”
Diamond nodded exuberantly. “They most certainly are!”
“Good. Keep an eye on her.” Starlight tapped her hooves together.
“Oh, absolutely, dear founder!” Double Diamond’s grin was exceptional. “I actually have two eyes on her right now!”
Sugar Belle was walking across the street to them, levitating her pencil and pad, and two cups and a glass pitcher all filled nearly to their brims with water and ice. Starlight bit her lip as she watched the liquid slosh about inside. Ponies stepped out of her way or held their children back as she crossed, and Sugar Belle was clearly struggling to mentally balance all the objects.
And then she tripped.
The cups soared to either side and shattered on the ground, dousing Sugar Belle with what had once been their contents as the pencil flew end over end behind her and the pad’s pages fluttered, a paper butterfly in flight. Starlight shrieked as the water splashed from the pitcher in a wide arc directly for her. Every scattering ice cube shone in the sunshine. The unicorn suddenly reached her hooves under the table and gave it a mighty shove, tipping it over before diving for cover behind it. It was just in the nick of time. The cubes ricocheted off the wall behind her as the water splashed against her makeshift barricade, and the pitcher was reduced to glass dust in moments. Starlight scrambled away from the table. It had been stained darker from its sudden soaking.
Party Favor and Night Glider jumped from their seats to help Sugar Belle from the ground. The mare looked up from her sprawled position in the dirt, took their hooves, and looked expectantly to Starlight, who was slapping away Double Diamond’s hoof and standing up on her own.
“Are you alright?” asked Starlight, giving her a concerned look. “What happened?”
Sugar Belle’s eyes went to Starlight’s flank, then quickly darted away as she patted a hoof against an ear to make the water drain from the other one. “Thanks, I’m… I’m fine. Just an accident, that’s all.”
“Oh, that’s a relief,” said Double Diamond, wiping a hoof on his forehead.
“Yes, just an accident,” Starlight muttered, glancing at her unscathed cutie mark.
“Okay everypony, who’s ready to sing?!” cried out Starlight, pumping a hoof ecstatically. “Let’s rehearse that tune some more today!”
Townsponies put on their biggest, widest smiles, and began marching to the center of town in perfect lines. Somewhere a musician began to play a military snare roll, a whistle trilled shrilly, and a fife chimed in with the melody. Mares and stallions opened their doors and streamed forth, heads bobbing in time, including Night Glider, Sugar Belle, and Double Diamond who was two ponies back.
“Life is so grand in Our Town!
We’re always filled with cheer!
We never have to look around
To know that we’re all here!”
Peering from an alley between two houses, Party Favor watched and waited, back to the wall and a filled balloon of water magically floating beside him. The parading ponies began to form a circle around Starlight and continued to walk in time, who nodded with content at them. He crept forward cautiously to a fruit stand and ducked underneath. Party Favor could see that Sugar Belle was marching closer.
“In Our Town, in Our Town,
We don't have to wait!
To find out that our destiny
Is just to emulate!”
Shooting his hoof out, Party Favor passed Sugar Belle the balloon and ducked back into the alley. The unicorn mare took it in her magic and hid it behind her body. Once she had it in her grasp and could see that Double Diamond was too enthralled by the music, she winked to Night Glider, who was on the other side of the circle.
“Life is a drag in Our Town!
It’s pretty dull and lame!
So what is there to celebrate?
We wish we never came!”
“Who sang that?!” shouted Starlight Glimmer. “Who the hay in Celestia’s green kingdom just sang that?! Show yourself!”
The fife and drums petered out immediately and the ponies halted in place. Starlight whipped around, looking for the source of the offending lyrics. The moment she turned her back, Sugar Belle lobbed the balloon blindly. In her haste she had sent it soaring over Starlight’s head. The enraged unicorn didn’t notice until it made a resounding popping sound, completely drenching Night Glider.
“Night Glider, why are you wet?” Starlight inquired. Her voice was even and flat as she scrutinized the pegasus.
“I just got out of the shower, Starlight Glimmer, ma’am!” Night Glider’s grin reached from ear to ear. “And I’m just so excited to sing!”
“I have done that before as well, fellow friend!” Double Diamond waved to her enthusiastically. Night Glider returned the wave and tried to stretch her smile even farther.
Starlight lifted an eyebrow. “…Never mind.” She turned away. “Alright everypony, let’s try that again! A-one, two, three, four!”
The ponies took to their march again, and the snare and fife picked up from where they left off. Party Favor, who had been watching the scene play out from the alleyway, shook his head and picked up another water balloon from a canvas sack next to him. Sugar Belle and Night Glider belted out along with the stanza, keeping their tone bright and cheery.
“In Our Town, in Our Town,
We dare not compete!
Winning only breeds the worst
Ego-filled conceit!”
“That’s more like it!” Glimmer cried out, jumping into the next verse as the ponies divided themselves into three horizontal lines.
“Life is a joy in Our Town,
We're all equal here!
No one is superior,
And no one shakes in fear!”
In unison the ponies filed in the columns, proudly lifting their hooves high. Double Diamond had taken a position at the head and pranced merrily along. Holding the water balloon by the knotted part in his teeth, Party Favor slid in at the rear behind Night Glider, gently laid it on her back, and dove into back into the alleyway.
“Hate this town, hate this town,
And Starlight’s regime!
Marching off to nowhere
Makes me want to scream!”
“Who’s the smarmy little nonconformist horseapple twinkle-hoofed agitator who just signed up for a night in the re-education gulag?”
For the second time, the music came to a screeching halt as Starlight foamed at the mouth and began stalking amongst the ponies, who didn’t dare look her in the eyes. As she gave one unfortunate stallion a glowering glower, Night Glider flung the balloon at her. It was just a moment too late. Starlight stepped over a few paces, and the balloon struck Double Diamond instead.
“Hey, now I’m wet!” he shouted. “This is becoming a real trend!”
Starlight’s face scrunched up as she attempted to mentally process what Double Diamond had just said. Her mouth opened a couple of times, but no sounds came out for a full minute.
“…Forget it! Practice is, um, canceled or whatever. We’ll try again tomorrow!” Starlight said, regaining her composure, waving the ponies away. They complied without complaint and cantered off as the fifes whistled sadly for the last time in a decrescendo. Double Diamond was also turning to leave, but Starlight reached out and snatched him by his ear.
“Follow them,” she hissed, directly into his face.
Double Diamond followed the length of her arm and then off to where she was pointing: the alleyway, which Sugar Belle and Night Glider were now trotting into. Nodding profusely and showing as many teeth as he could, the stallion swaggered away, humming the song to himself as he went. Starlight merely dropped her face into her hooves to muffle a frustrated groan.
“Don’t look now, but I think you’re being followed,” Party Favor whispered through gritted teeth.
Sugar Belle looked over. “We are? What makes you say that?”
The three ponies met at the end of the alleyway and turned at the corner, then started walking along behind the row of houses. Party Favor’s sack of water balloons drifted along with him. Suddenly, the stallion darted ahead and ducked into another alley. Surprised, they ran to catch up, and were stopped as soon as they entered by his outstretched hoof. Party Favor, Sugar Belle, and Night Glider peered around the corner one on top of the other, just in time to see Double Diamond come from the alley they had been in, pause mid-hum to look about, and continue their way, albeit a little slower and more cautiously.
“Guys, this is getting too dangerous…” Night Glider started biting her hooves. “Maybe we should stop! We should just… just turn ourselves in!”
“Not a chance!” Party Favor shook his head emphatically. “When I was in there with those six fillies, they told me so, so many stories about their friendship—I want to have what they have!”
“It’s very strange that Starlight Glimmer has been acting like this, too,” Sugar Belle added. “I mean, I suppose nopony wants to get soaked.”
Night Glider looked down at her. “Yes, I suppose I wouldn’t, either,” she said pointedly.
Sugar Belle sighed. “Oh, right. Sorry about that. I’m… not exactly good at throwing water balloons. At least neither is anypony else.”
Party Favor opened up his sack and levitated more of the balloons out. “…Maybe we don’t have to throw them at all!”
Double Diamond looked into the alleyway he had just reached. Two ponies were at the far end and trotting out into the main street. He cantered to the next alleyway over instead and peered down that one. The ponies he was following had not reached there yet, but Starlight Glimmer was walking along back to her cottage, stomping with every step she took. Putting on his biggest toothy beam, Double Diamond strolled down the gap between the houses very slowly. Suddenly as Starlight nearly exited from his field of view, he saw two water balloons being lobbed directly for her. With a loud gasp, Double Diamond cantered between the houses, leaped over an upturned trashcan, and collided with the unicorn, sending both of them headlong into the dirt. Both water balloons fell short of their mark and splashed pitifully in the road.
Starlight seethed as she rolled the stallion off her back and checked her rump. “Somepony is going to answer for this, and they’re going to do it right now, or so help me—”
“That’d be me.” Sugar Belle waved.
“And me.” Party Favor did the same.
“Wait just a moment!” Starlight stood up quickly and turned to Double Diamond, who was also coming to his hooves. “Where’s the pegasus? You were supposed to follow them!” She pulled him up from the ground and leaned in close. “Where’s Night Glider?”
A thunderclap boomed above her, causing Starlight to yelp and drop the earth pony. Slowly, she looked upwards, and her eyes bulged wide. Hanging above her was a massive black cumulus cloud being pushed slowly along slowly by Night Glider, who was also holding a water balloon in her teeth. The pegasus let go, unknotted the balloon, and slowly tipped its contents into the cloud. It rumbled ominously like the stomach of a starving giant.
Squealing at a pitch that could match a train whistle, Starlight rammed Double Diamond back to the ground and bolted, kicking up puffs of dust as she ran for her cottage. Party Favor and Sugar Belle reacted immediately, chasing after her down the street. The pegasus grunted with exertion as she gave the cloud a shove in her direction. It began pouring water immediately, saturating the dirt road with rain as it glided, picking up speed and thundering as its puffy rolls turned and twisted.
Starlight began to pant. The distance between her and the door seemed to elongate with every hoofbeat. She chanced a brief glance behind and whimpered. Although the cloud was turning to gray, it was still raining hard and catching up to her. The chasing ponies weren’t far behind, either. Pumping her legs as hard as she could, the unicorn broke into a madcap sprint, squeezing her eyelids tight, blathering as she ran, and wishing for her nightmare come to life to evaporate into thin air.
Starlight felt something hard clout her snout and knock her flat on her back. Opening her eyes immediately, she saw her front door looming above her. In her panic and haste to get away, she had hit it before she could open it up and get inside. Stunned and holding her muzzle, she could only watch as the cloud, which had now turned small, white, and fluffy, glide over her, spray a scattering of raindrops, and collide with her chimney. The chimney unquestionably won, obliterating the puff in moments.
“It’s true! Those mares were right!” said Night Glider, landing beside her. “Look!”
In horror, Starlight’s eyes drifted to her cutie mark. The equals sign she had painted over it was washed away, revealing the real one underneath. She looked up again. Party Favor, Sugar Belle, Double Diamond and the rest of the town had gathered around her to stare wide-eyed at it.
“Get back! Get back, all of you!” Starlight scrambled to her hooves and swept her tail over her cutie mark. “This—this isn’t what it looks like!”
“So what does it look like, Starlight?” Party Favor asked accusingly.
Starlight sputtered and turned around, trying to address the angry mob encircling her. “You fools, can’t you see? It’s my cutie mark that’s made this town possible, given you friendship—real friendship, and… and harmony through true equality!”
“Not another word, Starlight!” Sugar Belle huffed. “You want equality? Either remove your cutie mark, or give us ours back!”
A turquoise bubble of light burst from Starlight, pushing the townsponies back a few paces as she flung her front door open and dived inside. The ponies outside the cottage shouted in confusion and disarray, not knowing what to do next.
“Let’s get our cutie marks, everypony!” Double Diamond cried out. “Who’s with me?!”
Shouting and whooping, the vast majority of the crowd cantered away, heading up through the winding path to the cutie mark vault. Only three ponies ran the other direction: Party Favor, Sugar Belle, and Night Glider, who ran for the cottage where the six mares were being held against their will. Skidding to a halt in front of the door, Party Favor and Sugar Belle focused their magic and pushed as hard as they could on the handle, while Night Glider kicked repeatedly. They soon brought the door crashing open, and the ponies inside darted out immediately.
“What’s going on?” Rainbow Dash shouted, whipping her head around. “Where is everypony?”
“We’ve been hearing just ‘bout a non-stop commotion all day!” added Applejack.
“You fillies were right about Starlight,” Party Favor said. “She’s been lying to us!”
Sugar Belle hung her head. “And we should’ve believed you and listened to you.”
Rarity suddenly gasped and put a hoof to her mouth. “Look! It’s… oh my, I don’t… I have no words! It’s so beautiful!”
Colored orbs shot from the cavern at the top of the mountain trail, zipping, whistling, and whirling in the sky. The ponies gaped and watched them for a moment. Three of the glowing spheres seemed to be circling around them and descending rapidly.
“Is this it?” Night Glider asked in awe. “Are we getting our cutie marks back?”
“But what about ours? Our cutie marks are in Starlight’s cottage… with her!” Fluttershy exclaimed.
Twilight looked over the three townsponies. “Think you can help us out one more time?”
Night Glider, Party Favor, and Sugar Belle exchanged a look between each other, then back to the alicorn, and nodded resolutely.
“Then what’re you waiting for?!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, galloping ahead. “C’mon, everypony! The revolution will not be equalized!”
