“Celestia, why the fuck am I nine feet tall.”

“9'1”, by the look of things. A rate of seven inches a day, then?”

“Celestia why the fuck am I nine feet tall.”

“Language, Twilight.”

Twilight began taking a deep breath, but thought better of it when almost immediately her shirt (which she had originally bought four feet and seven cup sizes ago) began to groan ominously. It, along with everything else she was wearing, was already perilously close to ceasing to be, so she decided against pushing her luck. “Okay, fine, whatever, just – please answer my question.”

“Presumably you're nine feet tall because you've been growing.”

Twilight resisted the urge to sigh as that would require inhaling. Instead she just rubbed her temples. “Yes. I gathered. Look, please, I'm really not in the mood for cryptic princess advice.”

“Fine, fine. I don't really have the time to be cryptic anyway. Very busy.” She carefully shuffled her paperwork into a neat stack before removing her reading glasses and looking Twilight dead in the eye. “Now, your question.”

“Why have I gained four feet in the past week?”

“Four feet and one inch, Twilight. And really, you should be able to figure this out on your own, what with the timing and all.”

Twilight's first guess had been that it was an alicorn thing – the timing lined up too perfectly for it not to be related. “But it can't be, because you and Luna and Cadence are all normal sized.”

“Yes, well, Luna and Cadence and I aren't princesses of friendship, are we?

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Historically, the Princess of Friendship grows very rapidly after her ascension.” She took a sip of her tea. “Really, Twilight, I'm surprised you didn't know this already, considering that it's at least as common knowledge as the fact that the Mare in the Moon was actually real.”

Twilight felt her eye twitch slightly.

“Anyway, you're going to have to do something about your clothing.”

“What?”

“Well, decency laws still apply to you, princess or no. As it is,” she gave a meaningful glance at Twilight's top, “I doubt your shirt will last until tomorrow.” Celestia's statement was punctuated by a ripping noise. Twilight's eyes widened in horror, and her whole body froze in an attempt to prevent her shirt from exploding right into Princess Celestia's face. Luckily whatever it was that tore stopped before any real visible structural failure, although that didn't really change that Twilight's shirt barely covered her breasts as it was. Everything below her nipples, including most of her nipples themselves, was completely visible. The shirt was the largest one Twilight owned – previously, it had reached down to her knees, and had been a dedicated sleep-shirt. Her pants, likewise, had previously been a baggy set of pyjama pants – the roomiest pair Twilight owned – now barely reached mid-thigh length. Flesh bulged out below and above as they futilely attempted to contain Twilight's increased mass.

“Right. Fine. I can do that, I've got Rarity. It'll probably cost a lot, but I can probably have some clothes that'll fit me by tomorrow.”

“Assuming you stop growing now.”

“what.”

“Well, the last recorded Princess of Friendship – honestly, Twilight, you of all ponies should know this – reached a height of about fifty feet before she stopped growing.”

The colour drained from Twilight's face. “I'm sorry?”

“But she grew much slower than you are. It took her a year of an inch-and-a-half of growth per day before she stopped growing.” Celestia took a sip of tea. “At the rate you're going, by that point you will be well over two hundred feet tall. Assuming you even stop at the same point as she did. What with your increased rate of growth, the assumption that everything else will be identical to the last Princess isn't really a very safe one.”

Twilight stared at Celestia in blank horror.

“I would recommend investing in a circus tent or two.”

Author's Note

Alicorns gradually but inexorably grow to about fifty feet over the first couple of years after ascending. Clothes don't come in those sizes. Twilight has to cope.

Nothing much to say here. Sorry for taking so long to post this, folks!