Infinitarium Equestria

by Masterweaver

Rating: everyone
Tags: Human, Main 6, Drama, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Science Fiction, Random, Adventure
Length: 4534

A trio of interdimensional travellers end up in the Everfree castle shortly after the Changeling invasion. Shenanigans ensue.

Olufunmilayo, the ghlighorii traitor. Bellatrix, the human who tested her world's first portal. And Ru, the thoanth street rat who joined them for a better life. These three have been worldhopping for the better part of a year by now, surviving adventures and watching each other's backs as they blunder through random cultures and try not to break anything.

They've just landed in the Everfree forest. Ru and Bellatrix are ponies. And all they have to go on is a vague memory of a Christmas special about a pony who loves socks. Throw in some recovering changelings, a few wild mares, and an interdimensional trophy hunter, and their time on this world will be nothing short of memorable.

Infinitarium Equestria: A comedy of errors, prejudices, omnivorism, world-altering events, and hugs from a jackal-headed squid made of liquid shadow.

Published 2012-05-18 20:54:04 UTC
Last updated 2017-08-30 17:06:47 UTC

Another Arrival

The Everfree forest, as the natives called it, had a long and storied history. One remnant of this history was a castle, formerly home to two immortals who now resided elsewhere, covered in vines and slowly disintegrating. Hither and yon, a wall had fallen in on itself; the ancient moat was now an impassable canyon. Still, if anyone had bothered to investigate, they would have found numerous artifacts of historical and practical value scattered across the cobblestones.

Absolutely none of this mattered to the three beings that had suddenly shimmered into, well, being.

"Okay, first thing's first. New body, learn to walk. Or swim, or fly, or whatever." The grey being shook her head, stepping forward experimentally as she took a quick look at her surroundings. "Quadrupedal, hooves, what am I a horse here?"

"Horses are the ones that humans ride on all the time right?" This question came from the yellow one, who was at most a third of the grey one's size. She looked up at her compatriot with cool brown eyes. "Also, you have a horn. Single. Center of your head." The little one tapped her own forehead gently.

"I is say, yes, humans is ride horse." The black one, the only one untransformed by the transition, twisted on his arms to examine the yellow one's back. "Ru is have wings! Ru is fly?"

The grey one blinked. Then she moaned, sitting down and flicking her orange tail. "Oh geez.... Is this My Little Pony? This is My Little Pony, isn't it. Or a close enough analogue world. This SUCKS. Olufun, no offense, but this world is HORRIBLE." She idly adjusted the grey vest she was wearing, noting the blue lines on the stitchwork; at least that wasn't entirely gone this time.

"Wait. Bellatrix, you know this world?" Ru shook her red mane and glanced up at the other... well, horse.

"Oh yeah. Horrible toys, worse kid’s show." The elder horse sighed. "I never really watched it myself, except for this one christmas special that my mom made me watch. Apparently, this one pony named Minty really liked socks, and then christmas was in trouble and then the ponies saved the day with love and purple christmas trees! Crap writing. From what I hear the actual SHOW was even more inane." She waved a hoof vaguely. "No males, no rationality... Relative fictionality, you know? We were bound to stumble on some storyworld someday. Now I guess we look for Dream Valley or whatever it's called."

"Hey, can't be all that bad. You have a horn, you can... gore things!" Ru smiled, flapping her wings experimentally. "And I can fly! Probably. Also, we're in ruins! Maybe the ponies all died and you won't have to suffer?"

"Dying ponies is sad," Olufunmilayo mused. "Dying is sad. I is think, maybe ponies is move?"

Bellatrix looked at the mournful face of her oily companion. It was weird, really, that a yellow-eyed jackal-headed squid thing somehow managed to give her the puppy dog look. Especially since his eyes were little more than discs on the otherwise featureless face.

“...we have to be prepared for any possibility. Anybody see my weapon? It could have morphed into anything.”

“Well, you have a picture on your butt that kinda looks like a sword and shield.”

The unicorn glanced at her flank. “Oh, nice. That’s real nice, making my weapon a damned tattoo. Thank you universe! Maybe it’s magic.”

“Hey, at least you get a picture, blue-eyes!” Ru looked at her own flank. “I’ve got nothing. Maybe it’s cause I’m a kid or something.” She shrugged, taking a few steps around the old cobblestones. “So, is there a pantry around here or should we scavenge for something?”

“Is road,” Olufun suggested, towering up and peering out the non-existent wall. “Road is go place, yes?” He glanced around the ruins with a snort, shaking his head. “Stay is not... too much death. Is not like.”

“Yeah, I’m getting creeped out here too.” Bellatrix stood up, looking out the wall and absentmindedly flicking a small portion of her short mane out of the way. “Second floor, maybe third. I’ll go look for some stairs, maybe you two can just jump out.” She trotted out of the main room, glancing around the decrepit hallways for something resembling a stairway.

Olufun looked after her and shrugged, clambering out the hole and climbing down the wall. He paused, glancing up. “Ru is fly?”

“Hold up. I just...” Ru sputtered, managing to lift off the ground. She glided uncertainly toward the edge of the floor. “This isn’t like flying with bug wings. Or bony wings. This is... I think I’m pushing something, but I don’t know what.” She cautiously slipped out of the room, staying close to the ghlighorii as she descended. “If I fall you have to catch me.”

“Of course!” Olufun chuckled as he continued his spiderlike descent. “I is friend, I is not let fall.” The two of them made it to the ground without incident, and sat down to wait for Bellatrix to emerge from the castle... unaware of the watcher in the dark.

In the wake of the Changeling invasion, ponies suffered from a number of mistaken impressions about their newfound neighbors.

First amongst these impressions was that Changelings lacked names. This was only half true; Changelings called themselves by lineage and number, with the eldest of each lineage taking the role of Queen for that line. So when Chrysalis the first was thrown from Canterlot, the other Queens stripped her of her horn and wings, and Chrysalis the second became the new Chrysalis the first.

The second was that Changelings were unified, like ponies, under one leader. Again, this was only half true; the position called Queen by the ponies was more akin to Faction Mother in changling culture, and the Queens did not necessarily have to align their goals outside promoting new Queens for lineages. Even then, it only took a few Queens to do so. The majority of the lineages had decided against joining the invasion.

The third was their sheer number, believing the changelings to breed like ants. This was an outright fabrication by alarmists; Changeling queens had anywhere from five to a hundred drone commanders directly behind them in age, and ten times that in sexless soldiers who served their lineage in exchange for food and shelter. Perhaps together, the lineages might have been able to overwhelm Equestria, but that was as likely to happen as bees and ants deciding to join forces.

Then there was the big one. Changelings feeding on love? Preposterous. Any strong emotion would do, though the queens would feed exclusively on whatever one their lineage was founded on; the fact that love was always a strong emotion had made the Chrysalis lineage powerful and numerous, and the fact that the Regent had generated endless love had proven too much a temptation for their former queen. She and most of her line had effectively been drowned, though enough survived that perhaps they could establish themselves again.

The Spinnerette Queen in particular found this amusing.

Still, the ponies at least knew they existed now. The shapeshifting powers of their race were of little use if the ponies were looking for them. Admittedly, there wasn’t any real threat of revelation, yet. Nobody had figured out how to depower a shapeshift, short of knocking a changeling out, and the ponies never wanted to injure friends. But the fact that the ponies were looking, and that they might suspect out of character changelings...

So it was that some changelings from every lineage had been ordered back from the main lines in a slow, unnoticed retreat. Ponyville especially had to be evacuated. It had taken a few days for the ponies to sit down and compare notes, but once they realized that the changelings had been shuffling ponies and themselves for a long time they had risen up in a panic. If there had been any way for a changeling to be detected... well, the Queens thanked the progenitors that ponies were notoriously stupid.

And if the crew of extra dimensional entities had arrived even three hours later, Ponyville would have been completely emptied of changelings and untouched by their politics. But as Spiracle XCVI paused and turned to look at the strange creature now joined by a pegasus filly and grey unicorn, the winds of fate began to shift. Spiracle XCVI didn’t know this, of course. All she did was flick the information to her lineage’s memory scales...

“I’m surprised those stairs managed to hold me all the way down,” Bellatrix grumbled as she joined her two compatriots. “They looked about ready to collapse.” She glanced around, walking down the path briskly; anywhere was better than here. Well, not really. Here was at least peaceful, in a dead sort of way.

“So we’re wandering away from the ancient castle into the big spooky forest.” Ru flipped her mane as she half-trotted, half buzzed along beside the unicorn. “Anybody else here think that’s a step down? The stories all say go to the mysterious ruins in the wilderness, not go away from them.”

Olufunmilayo snorted. “Destiny is stupid.”

“I’m with the big guy, I’ve had enough of prophecies and expectations to last me a lifetime.” Bellatrix cautiously tested the wooden bridge she had just come across. It seemed stable enough, so she continued to walk down the path. “Also, the big creepy forest is probably more dangerous than the ancient castle.”

“Oh goody, I can fight monsters!” Ru bounced around happily, before blinking and staring up at the larger pony. “There are monsters here, right?”

“Nope.”

“Damn.”

“Girl, you’re psycho.”

Ru beamed. Behind them, Olufunmilayo sighed, wondering if taking the street rat along had ruined her childhood forever.

The three of them continued down the path until it ended. Then, arbitrarily, they picked a random direction and walked that way. That is, until they came to a cliff that towered above them impassibly.

“...See, this is why I hate being a horse.” Bellatrix waved a hoof at the offending terrain. “You two can fly or climb up there. Me? I’m stuck down here with a useless HORN. A freaking useless horn that serves NO purpose other than to look cute and is way too small to even be used as a sword and--”

Suddenly a blue light launched itself from the spiraling appendage on Bellatrix’s head, smashing into the rock face with apocalyptic fury. Seconds later, all that remained was a navigable slope of still-cooling stone and ash.

“--holy hell it just shot off the cliff.”

Ru giggled. “Well I think we all know where your weapon went this time!”

Bellatrix just stared at the cliff. Her eyes slowly crossed as she tried to examine the deadly weapon now embedded in her skull. How... why did that even work? Was it because she was angry or something? She’d seen her clothes and weapon shift so many times through all the worldhopping, but for them to actually merge with her like this was unprecedented. Was she even in control anymore?

Olufun laid a hand on her shoulder. “Control is self. If you is worry, focus on you.”

The unicorn blinked. She glanced down at the fingerless appendage, then let her gaze flow up the black arm to her friend’s understanding face. “...I’ll try.”

The ghlighorii smiled. Sometimes it was difficult to remember how many centuries he had lived, he always acted so young, and then he’d dispense a bit of wisdom like that.

“Oooookay that’s mushy and all but creepy forest.” Ru tapped her hoof impatiently, glancing around; this place just reminded her too much of the Avian woods back home, and she was half-expecting a tribal warrior to come and grab her. “Can we please move on here?”

“Right.” The unicorn shook her head, walking up the newly created slope. “Sorry, lost it there for a moment. What’s the matter Ru, you afraid?”

“Oh yes,” the pegasus deadpanned, “quite afraid. The two of you were making googly eyes at each other. Interspecies marriages have so much that can go wrong.”

“Olufun and I will doublecheck everything before we make you the flowergirl,” Bellatrix quipped back. “And we’ll get you an extra floofy dress. Heck, the ponies here will make it. There will be candy and flowers and ribbons and lace and we will stuff you into it and force you to parade around in it all during the wedding.”

She paused.

“It will be completely pink.”

Then she glanced at Ru. The expression on the young one’s face was something akin to sheer wrath, but so cold it might have been crafted from ice. Bellatrix was pretty sure that if Ru still had her claws, she’d be suffering for that.

A moment later, though, Ru wore an absolutely charming smile. “Well I’ll be sure to wear it then! No WAY it could match up to your dress!”

“Bellatrix is Tux. I is Dress.”

The two ponies turned to look at their compatriot, who was innocently staring off as if he hadn’t just said that.

“...This will be one interesting wedding,” Bellatrix deadpanned.

“Indeed.”

“Now I just want you to propose so I can see how it works.”

“Not now.” Olufun shrugged. “I is wait for pigs flying.”

After a few moments, the three of them broke out in laughter.

“CIVILIZATION! I repeat, we have found CIVILIZATION!” Ru bounced out of the forest, pointing at a small town with a manic grin. “Soon they shall know the pain of loss. Soon they shall learn to fear for their wallets. Soon they will be beset by.... THE BEST PICKPOCKET IN THE MULTIVERSE!”

“Who, Robin Hood?” Bellatrix cuffed the pegasus lightly. “We’re not going to steal right off the bat. Ponies are supposed to be friendly, and I’m not even sure if they have money. We’ll just hang round while Olufun recharges and--” She cringed, a sudden realization hitting her. “Oh right. Um... Sorry, Olufun, but... black squid thing, colorful talking ponies... yeah.”

Olufunmilayo sighed, but waved them off. “Is okay. I is hide in forest.” He turned back, grabbing a branch and swinging into the foliage; the black sheen of his oily skin made him almost invisible in the dark.

“We’ll come back every day to check up on you.” Bellatrix turned toward the town, bracing herself. “And to save us from the mindless inanity brought upon by random musical numbers. At least it isn’t winter down there, purple christmas trees are just... ugh. Wrong.”

“Bye Olufun! I’ll see if I can get you something awesome!” Ru waved with a wing as she trotted down the road. “I’m totally going to steal it by the way. If you’re right these ponies need a little toughening up anyway!”

“No stealing.”

“You can’t stop me.”

“Who has the cliff-destroying blaster on her head here?” Bellatrix tapped her horn. “I say no stealing.”

“...Fine, I’ll hold off for a day or two.” Ru pouted. “You can be such a mother sometimes.”

The unicorn sighed at that. She didn’t think of Ru as a daughter... more like an annoying sister that tagged along everywhere. Of course Ru wouldn’t understand that, not where she’d come from; children were swapped around like trading cards, and blood relations were only barely recognized.

Bellatrix was so enraptured in her thoughts that she almost missed the sign.

“Welcome to Ponyville.” She rolled her eyes. “Of course. Ponyville. Creative, isn’t it? Whatever.” It was late morning and some of the natives were already out and about; Ru and Bellatrix gained some speculative stares as they walked down the street, but not any really judgmental ones. “See, what’d I tell ya. Friendly. Trusting.”

“Stupid?”

“Probably.”

“I don’t know whether to be happy or sad, there’s no challenge here.” Ru shrugged as she looked around. “Right, so what’s the itinerary? Money, food, lodgings?”

“Information first.” Bellatrix scanned the area. “Most of these seem to be houses, but there are a few that--”

“OHMYGOSH!” A pink blur suddenly pounced on them. “OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH YOU’RE NEW PONIES!”

Bellatrix and Ru blinked.

“....er-” Ru ventured

“Oh this is just splendorifous and amazing and WOW because this means I get to throw you a ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party and I can just see it with you dancing and oh my gosh the cake this is going to be an AMAZING party and oh my gosh are you sisters because Pound and Pumpkin are sisters except Pound is a colt not a mare so I guess that makes him Pumpkin’s brother they’re so adorable and I know you’ll love to meet them if Mister and Missus Cake let them come to the party oh my gosh I need to know your names!”

“...did you get any of that?” Bellatrix asked Ru.

“I think it wants to know who we are.” The pegasus was staring at the pink pony in fascinated horror; something so bright and cheery had to be an abomination against nature.

“Oh. Um...” The unicorn racked her mind. “Bell Tracks! Call me Tracks. And this is--”

“Pick Pocket.” Ru was not going to let herself get some girly name. “My parents were weird.”

“I’m Pinkie Pie!” the pink pony replied. “I need to go now to get the party ready but when it’s ready I’ll come and find you and take you there! Oh this is going to be so much wait you said your name was Pick Pocket?” She leaned in, practically squishing the pegasus filly with her critical expression. “Do I have to keep an extra close eye on you little filly?”

“NoI’llbegoodpleasedon’teatmysoul!”

Bellatrix coughed. “Um... with all due respect, I think I can keep my semi-half-adopted sister in line.”

Instantly the pink pony was all smiles. “Okidokiloki! I’ll just head off to make you some cupcakes!” She bounded off at near sonic speed.

“...okay, new priority. Attend welcome party.” Bellatrix glanced at Ru. “You okay?”

“That thing is not natural. That thing is... you were right, this is a horrible world.”

Meeting the Mage

Twilight Sparkle, librarian of Ponyville, scholar of Canterlot, protege to Celestia, matron of sir Spike, bearer of the element of Magic, unicorn of destiny, twice savior of Equestria, and lord empress of all things scheduled had just had her day interrupted by a particular pink blur who may or may not have been entirely of the same world she called home. Said particular pink blur had handed her an invite to a party, explaining that somehow beyond all rationality she knew the unicorn would have spare time to attend, and then bounded out the window.

Even after quite some time living in Ponyville, the young mage could not comprehend exactly how Pinkie Pie worked.

“A welcome to Ponyville party for Bell Tracks and... Pick Pocket?” The lavender unicorn raised an eyebrow. Who in their right minds would name their filly Pick Pocket? She checked the time listed, pulling out her schedule book; yet again, Pinkie Pie had somehow predicted a perfect period of time to party. She sighed, putting her books away and filing her notes as she stood. “Spike? You down there?”

“Yep!” The dragon was busy assembling the usual study itinerary for his matron. “Almost done getting the equipment set up!”

“Cancel that, Spike. We’re going to go to Sugarcube Corner.”

Spike rolled his eyes with annoyance. “Figures. You want me to put all this away then?” He was already disassembling the chemistry set.

“Oh, right! You do that! Thanks!” Twilight was walking out the door, gauging the preparation of everypony. The party didn’t start for another thirty minutes, but that was no reason not to look around town and make sure everything was in tip top shape. Was she a little bit OCD? Yes. But she had therapy for that. Self-administered therapy. The best kind. Nopony ever knew you had a problem.

Her eyes fell on a grey unicorn walking down the road and apparently talking with a disheveled Apple Bloom. A moment later, she reevaluated her hypothesis; Apple Bloom was not a pegasus, and the foal had just fluttered a bit. Glancing down at the card, then looking up at the newcomers, the incredible intelligence of Twilight Sparkle came to a most reasonable conclusion: These were the newcomers that Pinkie had decided to throw a party for.

And the grey unicorn had just seen her staring at her.

Well, okay then. Twilight shook herself and approached them with a friendly smile. “Hello there! I just got this invite to a party for two new ponies. Would you, possibly, be said ponies?”

The unicorn blinked. “Wait, so you’re saying that pink pony took all of three minutes to start sending out invites?”

“Yeah,” the lavender mare replied, “Pinkie’s like that. Craziest mare I ever met. I’m Twilight Sparkle, and I’m guessing you’re... Pick Pocket?”

“I’m Pick Pocket.” The pegasus foal snorted. “She’s Bell Tracks. No imagination with that name, let me tell ya.”

Such an incongruous statement confused Twilight to the point of disbelief. “What?”

“See, I chose Pick Pocket because it sounded cool. Defined me.”

“Wait, how could you name yourself?”

There was an awkward moment where Bell Tracks, Pick Pocket, and Twilight Sparkle all teetered over a cultural misstep. Each and every one of them was trying to comprehend the situation, and if she’d been allowed a chance to formulaically pick apart the conversation the mistress of magic might have altered the outcome of the encounter.

However, Bell Tracks shattered her thought pattern with a mild laugh. “Yeah, see... Pick Pocket was living on the streets before the orphanage picked her up, and that’s what she told the ponies that ran the place her name was! I don’t know if she knows her real name or not, but we just call her Pick Pocket.”

The pegasus nodded with a satisfied grin. Clearly the situation had been resolved.

Twilight frowned. “That’s a very... unusual name you’ve chosen for yourself.”

“I like stealing. Stealing is wrong. Ergo I am a bad filly.” Pick Pocket nodded firmly, idly fiddling with a bit that she hadn’t had two minutes ago.

Bell Tracks sighed. “Pick Pocket, give miss Sparkle back her money.”

The lavender unicorn eyes shot wide. What? She looked in her moneybags, her powerful mind calculating and yes, one of her coins was missing! How in the world--? Twilight turned back, accepting the offered coin with a shocked expression. “I.... how?”

“I... AM THE WORLD’S GREATEST PICKPOCKET!”

The entire crowd turned to stare at the filly’s proclamation.

“No, it fell out of her bags.” Bell Tacks rolled her eyes. “Stop selling yourself like that.”

“But I totally am!”

“If you were,” Twilight intervened, “you would have gotten your cutie mark for it already, right?”

This little bit of logic had the unexpected result of causing sheer confusion. “My...? Oh. I have that. It’s hidden.”

The crowd was beginning to gather. Bell Tracks glanced around nervously, obviously distressed at Pick Pocket’s innocence in the ways of the world.

Twilight smiled, gently. “That’s not how it works, you know.”

“...Yes it is.”

“No, you get your cutie mark when you discover your special talent.”

Bell Tracks managed an extremely frightened smile. “Ahaha, Pocket, you silly pony. Everybody knows that! Heh.”

The pegasus filly glared at her, sticking out her tongue. “You never told me.”

“Oh, I, uh, thought... thought mom taught you!” Bell Tracks was moving closer to Pick Pocket, casing the closing crowd with a nervous eye.

Twilight glanced around, her own social inadequacy magnified by the pressing ponies. “Um... Hey! Let me take you to Sugarcube Corner, that’s where your party’s going to be!”

That did it. The crowd’s eyes widened, they gave each other significant looks, and without warning there was a stampede toward the bakery. Twilight gave a relieved sigh, relaxing now that she was no longer part of an impromptu street performance.

Bell Tracks managed to relax as well. “Thanks. Ponies here like to party, I take it?”

“Well, if it’s a Pinkie Pie party. She’s the pony with balloons on her flank,” Twilight added helpfully, remembering how Pinkie had forgotten to introduce herself to the unicorn after their initial meeting.

“Yeah, I was wondering about that. Why does she have balloons on her flank?”

The lavender unicorn blinked at the other unicorn’s question. “Her special talent is... basically organizing parties. I thought that would have been obvious.”

Bell Tracks had an expression of confusion for but a moment. Then her eyes widened. “Oh. Oh! Yeah, um, that makes sense!” She quickly glanced at her own flank, as if to see if her mark was acceptable. “I, I, yes. Okay!”

Twilight giggled. “Don’t worry, we don’t judge ponies by their marks here. My brother has a shield for a mark, but I know he’s so much more than a defender of ponies.”

“Oh. Yeah, I was hoping... you know, swords and shield, scary...” She coughed.

Pick Pocket rolled her eyes. “She’s really embarrassed about the way the registry handled it.”

“The... registry?” Confusion filled Twilight’s eyes as she glanced at the pegasus. “What are you talking about?”

“The cutie mark registry.” Pick Pocket looked up at Twilight with a deadpan expression. “Or don’t tell me you’ve never heard of that one either.”

“Well, Princess Celestia never mentioned it to me, and I am her personal student.”

“Pull the other one, it has bells on.”

Twilight blinked. “I’m... sorry?”

“I’m calling you a liar, missy.”

Bell Tracks facehooved. “That’s enough, Pick Pocket. Sorry about that, miss Sparkle, Pick Pocket has... issues.” She sighed. “Maybe being around other ponies her age might help.”

"It won't," Pick Pocket chirped brightly.

"I can dream, can't I?"

Twilight shook her head. "We really should head to Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie pours her heart and soul into her parties--it would be quite rude of us to be late."

"It's only been a few minutes," Bell Tracks pointed out. "She can't possibly be ready already."

"You don't know Pinkie Pie. She has a party cannon."

Bell Tracks blinked, then groaned. "Oh, she's one of THOSE, is she?"

Pick Pocket patted her foreleg sympathetically. "Hey, at least we get free food out of it."

"Yeah, yeah. Might also be a good chance to figure out what we should look for around here." The unicorn turned back to Twilight, gesturing with a hoof. "Lead on, then?"

"Sure." Twilight gave her a look. "So how'd you get your cutie mark anyway?"

"...rather not talk about it."

"O...oh. Okay." Twilight frowned. "I... guess it must have been very--"

"Twilight." Bell Tracks gave her a look. "I really would rather not talk about it."

"...It's just, my brother's in the royal guard, so I kind of--"

"Wow, geeze," Pick Pocket deadpanned, "didn't your princess ever teach you manners?"

Twilight winced. "You're right. I apologize. I'm... naturally curious, I suppose."

Bell Tracks nodded. "Well, that can be good, it can be bad. Your brother's a guard, you said?"

"Yes--captain, even! Well, he was. He just got married a few weeks back to Princess Cadence, which sort of complicates matters..."