For a 5th Dimensional Imp.
It is a nice sunny day at Sweet Apple Acres. Where out in the fields Applejack is bucking for Apples.
Applejack was signing softly as she worked.
“Apples
“cool, sweet, apples”
She bucked a tree. Apples fell down into the waiting baskets.
“WOW! It is just like the intro!” A squeaky voice said.
“What! Who?” Applejack quickly looked around until she looked up and saw floating on thin air, a small human-like being wearing a blue and gray superhero costume. His cape ruffled in the breeze.
“You look even better in real life! I can actually see the hairs on your coat! The loss of resolution in viewing across dimensions should be a crime. I tells ya!” He suddenly appeared next to her hindquarter. A magnifying glass in his hand, he stared at her cutie mark. With the fingers of his free hand he rubbed her cutie mark.
Applejack tried moving away from him. But he stayed in the same position relative to her.
“Wow! It is not the skin that is colored. It is each individual hair on your coat. Cutie marks are a hairy form of pointillism! Take that Butt Tattoo partisans!”
Applejack was getting annoyed. Even back flips had not dislodging that floating pest. “Consarn it! Will you stop that! Touching a cutie mark like that is rude!”
“Oh!” He floated away from her. “I am so sorry! I did not mean to be rude! I... sorry.” He slumped in mid air.
“Discord if that's you. If this is one of your stupid pranks. Ah swear I'll buck you into next week!”
“Oh no! I'm not Discord! Let me prove it to you! I am not Discord! Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!” He moved his fist away from his eye, smiled and then squealed, “Eeeee! I used a Pinkie Promise in context!”
Applejack facehooved. “Ifin you're not Discord. Who are you? Better yet, what are you?”
He straightened up and with a more sophisticated squeak said, “I, am a 5th dimensional Imp and I am your biggest fan! Call me Bat-Mite,” he bowed.
“Call you Bat-Mite? It's not your name then.”
“Well... us 5th dimensional Imps do not use sound for our names. Translating them into words is... awkward at best. So I named myself after my hero Batman.”
“Batman. Sounds like a superhero name, like that costume you're wearing. Are you sure you are my biggest fan short stuff?”
“Heh. You got me. I knew I should have come here wearing only a stetson.
“Normally I am Batman's biggest fan. But lately, with the two month long Crisis For More Cash and that bat-bunny suit he has been wearing. I have been... disappointed. I was going to wait out the slump when a friend introduced me to Friendship Is Magic!
“I was blown away! I'm not part of the intended demographic. But it is really really good. Not perfect mind you. But it is still really really good.
“I have seen all 91 episodes of the first 4 seasons and the season 5 opener. Let me tell you. Out of the Mane 6 you are my favorite pony.”
“Are you telling me that the lives of me and my friends is told in some sort of movie serial?”
“That is not the analogy I would...” Bat-Mite paused. “You know, Since you do not have television. That is probably the best analogy you can use.”
“Don't you Imps know the concept of privacy!”
“Sure. We just do not apply it to lower… er, 3rd dimensional beings like yourself.”
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Why. Are. You. Here.”
“Well, after watching all the episodes, so far. I got into the fandom. I was surprised by how big it was: The forums, fanart, fanfiction, episode commentaries, pony music videos and more. All that is nothing compared to the merchandizing. I even broke down and bought myself an Applejack plushie.” It appeared in his hands. Hugging and cuddling it he said, “Is it not cuuute?”
In a monotone, “Yeah. Cute.”
Bat-Mite petted the plushie twice before making it disappear. “Well, in surfing the fandom, I found out something horrible. I found out that some people consider you to be the worst pony!”
“Huh, that little tidbit brings you here, why?”
“Why to prove to every body that you are not worst pony!”
“How?”
“By putting you into situations where you show off how awesome you are!”
“By what? By making me Climb some impossibly high mountain? By going into some jungle and finding a lost civilization?”
“No, by being heroic and saving somebody!”
“Already done that.”
“What? Oh yeah. Spike in 'Spike at Your Service'. I meant somepony!”
“Also done that.”
“What? Who?”
“Granny Smith is the most recent one.”
“Oh, yeah. Leap of Faith. Save somepony from a monster. Timber Wolves do not count!”
“Do Chimeras?”
“Ahhh! 'Somepony to Watch Over Me.' I really have to watch all those episodes a few more times. So I don't need to think to remember. OK! A group of someponies!”
“Done.”
“How?”
“Stopped a carriage from going over a cliff.”
Bat-Mite thought for a few seconds. “As Mare Do Well in 'The Mysterious Mare Do Well.' OK! Save a town, by yourself!”
Applejack opened her mouth. Bat-Mite cried out, “Oh come on! From what?”
“A stampede.”
Bat-Mite groaned out, “Applebuck Season.” He looked to the sky and cried, “HOW!? How can anybody think that she is worst pony!?”
He turned to look at Applejack. “OK, save Equestria by yourself.”
“Now wait just a cotton pickin' minute. Nopony can save Equestria by their lonesome. With the exception of Princesses Celestia and Luna. Why when I saved Equestria before, I had the help of my friends. Needed it too. And if I ever get into a situation where I have to save Equestria again. Those lovable scamps will insist on helping me again.”
Bat-Mite frowned, thinking.
Applejack added, “Ifin you're thinking of locking them away to prevent them from helping me. Don't. Are you really prepared to take responsibility for all the death and destruction should I fail to save the day?”
“I have faith in you Applejack.”
“So did Snips and Snails with Trixie. Do you know what happened?”
Bat-Mite grimaced.
“Right, not a pretty picture is it?”
“No.”
“So you can give up on trying to have me save Equestria by my lonesome. I'm not powerful enough.”
“It's not about power. It's about intelligence, cunning, preparedness, skill, resources and drive. Batman is not powerful. He could save Equestria by himself if he wanted.” After a moment Bat-Mite smiled and turned towards Applejack.
“Uhh… Now hold on.”
Bat-Mite snapped both his fingers. They both disappeared in a flash.
They appeared on a rooftop. Through the darkening skies Applejack saw skyscrapers. “Is this Manehatten?”
Snap
“What in the hay?” She looked down at herself. “Why am I wearing a copy of your costume or is it Batmon's?”
“Man. You are wearing a Ba- No, you are a mare. You are wearing a Batmare costume.” Bat-Mite looked at the costume. “Mmm. Just one change.” With a snap of his fingers a bat silhouette appeared on the grey costume over her hindquarters. “Everypony would be looking there for the bat logo.”
A trifold mirror appeared before Applejack. “Do you like what you see?”
“Mah hat!” Applejack twirled and stalked towards Bat-Mite. “Were. Is. Mah. Hat!” The last word was said right in his face.
“Ah, heh. Relax Applejack. It is resting on its peg in your room.”
Applejack stared at him for several seconds before backing off. “Fine.” She turned away and looked at her reflection in the mirrors. “Why did you bring me here and put me in these here fancy duds?”
“Is it not obvious? I am going to train you to be this Earth's Batma- re. In a few months you will be able to take on and prevail against any foe! You will be Equestria's greatest hero! Then there will be no way that you will be called worst pony!”
“Now see here. If you think I'll-” Applejack stopped, took a deep breath and released it.
“That calming technique introduced by Princess Cadance sure is popular. Is it that good?”
“It has come in handy a time or two.” She stared at Bat-Mite. “Let me ask a question or two before you try training me.”
“Sure.”
“This 'Friendship is Magic' thing of yours is very popular among you 5 dimensional imps, right?
“Wellll, it is very popular among among those who know about it.”
“Good, this thing is about me and my friends, the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony right?”
“Mostly, yes.”
“Mostly?”
“A few episodes feature the Cutie Mark Crusaders.”
Applejack didn't react for a few seconds until, “Nope, ah'm not going to ask. One more question. These fans of ours, how will they react when they find out that I'm no longer a part of Friendship is Magic?”
“What do you mean, no longer a part of Friendship is Magic?”
“Well, you said that I'll be training for a few months. Since you brought me here to Manehatten, I assume that this here will be where the training will take place. Since my friends are halfway across the country, I won't be with them in them there episodes. These 5 dimensional fans will be bound to notice that I'm not with my friends.
“Sooo, I'm wondering. How will they react when they find out that you interfered with their beloved entertainment?”
“But. I'm not. There is...” Bat-Mite became very still. His eyes grew wide. He gulped and let out a muffled whimper.
With a groan he snapped his fingers. They appeared back at Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack looked down at herself. Pleased that she was no longer wearing that ridiculous costume. A few second later her hat softly plopped on her head.
Applejack reached up and set her hat in its place. She looked at Bat-Mite hanging limply in mid air. “How are you doing?”
Lethargicly he said, “I am doing fine. Just super. Keen with a side order of swell.”
“That's… good to hear. Now if you'll excuse me, I got things that need doing.” She picked up the baskets full of apples, put them on her cart and brought them to the barn. After she set everything away she left Sweet Apple Acres. She stopped when she reached the road. She looked right and left, sighed, then turned right.
A few minutes later as Applejack was walking she heard, “Hi!”
She jerked. “Jeez. Don't startle a pony like that Bat-Mite!”
“Sorry.”
“All righty then.” She looked at him as she walked. “Feeling better?”
“Yes I am! All I had to do was ask, 'Would Batman give up?' Heck, no he would not! He would think of something and so will I!”
Applejack grimaced. “Yes, stick-to-iveness is a quality I normally admire in a pony.”
“Of course you would!” They continued on in silence. Breaking the silence Bat-Mite asked, “So, this is 3 dimensional nature.”
“Yes it is. Don't you have nature back home?”
“Well yes. But it is not as fractally as it is here.”
“Fracta what now?”
“Fractal. It's a fancy mathematics term.”
“Wha- How can you use fancy mathematics to describe nature?”
“Mathematics is the fundamental language of the universe. With it you can explain the interaction between structure, quantities, variables and change. Which is practically everything.”
“Huh. You seem to be telling the truth. But I don't know if I can tell if a mask wearing imp is telling the truth or not.”
“Pinkie Pie is the normal one in your group.”
“Now I know. Thank you kindly.”
“You're quite welcome.”
Applejack looks at the trees and plants around herself. “Mathematics. Well don't that beat all.”
They continued on for a while when Applejack asked, “Something been bothering me. You said that there was almost a hundred episodes about me and my friends.”
“Yes?”
“I don't see how there can be that many. We've had more than our fair share of adventures. But I don't see how there are enough stories to fill even a quarter of those.”
“Welll, there a handful of two-parters, but most of the shows are what are called slice-of-life comedies. Like in 'Maud Pie' where you all met Pinkie's sister. Or, 'Filli Vanilli' where Big Mac got laryngitis and Fluttershy secretly filled in for him in that musical quartet that he is in. Or in 'Pinkie Apple Pie' where you find out that Pinkie Pie might be an Apple and you and your family went on a road trip to find out if she really was.”
Applejack shivered. “I don't know about you, but finding out that beings know that much about my life to be three kinds of creepy.”
“It's not as bad as you think. Most of the time you are only watched by recording daemons. Let me assure you they are not alive. It is only when the predictive algorithms predict something interesting will happen or when the daemons notice something that match a preset condition. Like Twilight sending a letter to Princess Celestia. Which will cause live breathing people to watch what is happening. If it is interesting, the recordings will be edited together into a cohesive story. Then broadcast and sold.
“All told, 93 episodes at 22 minutes each equal just over 34 hours. Most people have seen less than two days worth of your lives. Not that bad I think.”
“What of the stuff not shown?”
“A good sized chunk is deleted. Like who needs a recording of you sleeping for several hours a night? The rest is held in a secure archive in case there is a need for a flashback. Let me assure you that by law, that archive must be deleted if the show stops production or a year has passed since the last broadcast, whichever comes first.”
“You sure are well informed on the behind the curtain stuff.”
“I could hardly call myself a big fan if I did not.”
“Heh. Well, I suppose I can live with all that. It's not like I can stop what is happening. They don't interfere to make things more interesting, are they?”
“I can assure you that My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is a documentary. The producers are reputed professionals who would not dream of interfering with your lives. Not to mention the law that prohibits in interfering in the lives of… beings like you for profit.”
“Let me guess. That law doesn't prevent beings like you from interfering with beings like me for the giggles.”
“Eheh. I would not say giggles. But yes, as long as I do not profit from it in some way I can do pretty much what I want.”
They continued walking in silence. Until Bat-Mite rose up higher and called down.
“Is that Fluttershy's home? Are you visiting her?”
“Eyup. Got a problem with that?”
He lowered to usual level. “Not at all. I would not dream of interfering with your friendships.”
As they approached the front door Applejack turned to Bat-Mite and said, “Please be on your best behavior.”
Bat-Mite sniffed. “I am always at my best behavior.”
Applejack raised an eyebrow at him.
“I always try to be at my best behavior.”
Applejack noded. “Good enough.” She knocked on Fluttershy's door.
Though a Certain Somepony's Fan Is Bigger
She knocks at Fluttershy's door again.
“Fluttershy are you there?”
Through the door they faintly heard Fluttershy reply, “Come on in.”
Applejack entered looking around Fluttershy's cottage. “I hope I'm not interrupting something.”
“Oh no not at all. Is there a problem? You are normally working at this time of day.”
“I came by to talk to… your friend. I wanted to introduce him to… Whut?” Applejack looked around rapidly; Bat-Mite was not to be found.
“Where did he get to?”
Fluttershy asked, “Are you looking for an invisible friend?”
“He is not invisible nor is he a friend.”
“Oh… You are looking up. Is he a pegasus? A breezie?”
“No, a 5th dimensional imp.”
“An imp.” Fluttershy blinked. “Are you sure that he's not an invisible friend?”
Applejack glared at Fluttershy. “Yes.”
“I. I.” Fluttershy stepped back.
“Relax Shy. I won't bite.”
Fluttershy sighed softly and started to relax.
“Unless you ask me to, that is.”
“Eep.” Fluttershy looked at Applejack who was grinning from ear to ear.
Fluttershy looked left then right. She then daintily stuck out her tongue at Applejack, then lowered her head, hiding behind her hair.
Applejack chuckled, “You got me there partner. You got me good.”
Fluttershy came out from behind her hair, she was smiling shyly. “Um, would you like some tea?”
“No thank you.”
“You brought your not invisible not friend to meet somepony?”
“I didn't. He followed me here.” Applejack looked around. “I assumed that he followed me in.”
“Apparently not. So were you going to introduce him to Angel?”
“Angel? No.”
“No? Were you going to introduce him to Harry the Bear?”
“Nope.”
“Fluffykins? Mr. Nut Kicker? Thumper?”
“Nope.”
“Which friend of mine were you going to introduce him to?”
“You know which one.”
“Ummm, Nooo. I have a lot of friends here. I am only certain of who you do not want to meet. So. Mr. Nibbles? Mrs. Nibbles? Nibbles jr? Nibblette? Mini Nibbles? Nibbs? Nibby? Ibble? Ble-”
“Fine! Discord. I came to see Discord.”
“There. Was that so hard? Want a cookie?”
Applejack grunted. “No thank you.”
“It is a good thing that you said it was Discord. He was the last person I would have guessed you wanted to see.”
Applejack huffed. “He doesn't seem to be here. When do you expect him?”
“He should be here soon for Tuesday te-”
“Hell-lou! Is somepony talking about me? My ears are burning!” The draconequus called Discord was floating in mid-air. A being with a head of a pony and a body made of parts of differing animals. The most unusual thing about him was that his ears were on fire.
Fluttershy said, “Discord, your ears are on fire. My animals are not comfortable around open flames. If it's not too much trouble please put out your ears.”
“Certainly.” A large metal bucket appeared in his right hand. “Better safe than sorry. Isn't it?”
He takes the bucket and rams it down his head. His horns sticking out of the bottom of the bucket. Two seconds later the water rushed out of it.
“There all better now.” Discord's voice was hollow and metallic. He took a breath. He took another. He turned towards Applejack. “Applejack! I am not your father.”
“Thank Celestia for small favors.” Applejack said while Discord was drawing a pair of lips and eyes with long eyelashes on the bucket with a marker. The drawing moved as if they were his own.
With a hollow metallic falsetto Discord said, “Actually, I am your mother!”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Well, mom, this daughter of yours has a little problem with a 5th dimensional imp and can use your help.”
“Did I not raise my daughter to be an independent mare? Or I would have if those two harridans had not so rudely turned me to stone.”
“So you are not willing to help me?”
Discord took off the bucket from his head. He had a serious face. He asked her, “Answer me this Applejack. Why should I? I am not your friend. At best, I am a friend of a friend.”
“I am friends with Fluttershy. Twilight has declared herself to be my friend for some reason. I play pranks alongside Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. I regale Rarity with stories of my travels and the fashions worn by beings, who do not need clothes, that I have met. And as for you, you barely tolerate me. You only do so out of respect to Fluttershy.”
Applejack shrugged. “What can I say. I still can still be a mite stubborn.”
They both heard a soft snort followed by a cough. “Oh do excuse me. I did not mean to interrupt.” Fluttershy said, “Do go on.”
In Discord's hands a book titled 'Friendship Notes' appeared. The book opened and he took out a purple quill that served as a bookmark. “So tell me. Is my helping you a bribe for you to become my friend? Or maybe to tolerate me more?”
Applejack tensed, glared at Discord and she growled out, “Helping others is a kind thing to do.”
“Helping others is a kind thing to do?” Discord tapped his quill on his chin and repeated, “Helping others is a kind thing to do.”
He turned towards Fluttershy. “Fluttershy as the expert in kindness, is helping others really a kind thing to do?”
“Why, yes it is.”
In a booming voice Discord said, “Fluttershy has spoken. So it is; so shall it be.”
He wrote in his friendship notebook while saying, “Helping others is a kind thing to do.” With a flourish he set the quill down in the book as a bookmark. With a snap of his fingers the book disappeared.
He intoned, “Thus Friendship is once again safe from commercialism. At least until the prophesied coming of the demon Hasboro.” Discord paused, pulled out a scroll and a magnifying glass and stared at it. “Or is it Hasbaro? Hasbrro? Some prophets have lousy penmanship, horrible even. Is good penmanship too much to ask for in a prophet? If one goes out of their way to warn others of future calamity. It just seems that it should be the least they can do.”
Applejack and Fluttershy stared at him.
“Tough room.” Discord clapped his hands. “So. What do you want me to do Applejack? Turn him into a frog? Or. No, wait. The punishment should fit the crime in some way. More or less. What has this fiendish imp done to you? Did he give you his name?”
“He called himself Bat-Mite.”
“That… sounds familiar.” He reached out and a book titled 'Who's Who' appeared in his paw. He flipped through the pages.
“Ah.” He turned the book towards Applejack. “Is this him?”
While there was some text in a language she didn't recognize at the bottom of the page. A drawing took up most of the upper page.
“It's close. My Bat-Mite wasn't tubby around the middle and has 5 claws at the end of his arms instead of 4 here.”
Fluttershy said, “Those are called fingers. Claws are pointier, ripier.”
“Right, fingers. His costume, while similar, has a different, if similar, color scheme. His costume fits him better; so better tailored. His belt is cut to fit and has pouches. His boots are designed differently too. Clearly made of higher quality material. Annnd...” Applejack pulled her hat over her eyes. “I have been hanging around Rarity too much.”
Fluttershy said, “Oh, there is no such thing Applejack.” Fluttershy paused. “Well maybe there is such a thing. But learning about things your friends are interested in is not a bad thing. Broadening your mind is a good… um, thing.” She retreated behind her hair.
Discord said, “However interes-thing that may be. According to this thing, Bat-Mite's thing with his costume is that it looks like that it was home made by a fan. Not a thing made by a professional.”
Applejack growled out, “Yer insulting Fluttershy.”
“I am?” He looked up thinking. “Are you saying that saying thing is not the latest thing?”
“Eyup.”
He turned to Fluttershy. “My sincerest apologies Fluttershy. I look to you for all things pony related, no pun intended. I made an error in judgment.”
“No harm done.”
“Now as I was sort of saying. Bat-Mite's costume's lack of quality is due to him wanting it to look like that it was 'hoof made' by an amateur.” I don't see him wearing something better unless… He bopped his head with his paw. “Cosplay.” He flipped a few pages of his book. “The art of costume making by amateurs has grown by leaps and bounds recently.
“Here.” He turned the book towards Applejack again. “Is this him?”
“Yes. Yes it is. Like two peas in a pod.”
He turned the book back to himself and put on some glasses to read it. “Hm. Bat-Mite DCnU dash two.” After a minute of making appreciative noises as he read, he snapped the book closed and threw it over his shoulder. The sounds of dishes breaking followed by a cat yowling was heard.
Discord took off his glasses and said, “So. I now know my opponent. Now I need to know what he did. What did he do?”
“Well, he appeared to me while I was bucking for apples. He said that he was a follower of a series that feature me and my friends, the Bearers. He called it Friendship is Magic. He is a fan and considers me to be best pony. If you can believe such a thing.”
“Hmph. Shows what little discernment imps have. It should be clear to anypony that Fluttershy is the best pony.” With a wave of a finger Fluttershy magically moved to Discord's outstretched hand. “Look at her! Is she not a Wonder to behold? Is she not Super?”
Fluttershy fidgeted in place nervously looking down.
“Even philistines must recognize that by defeating me, of all beings, with the power of kindness has earned her the spot of best pony for life!”
Applejack said, “I won't argue with you about who is best pony.”
“Wise of you. You would lose.” He set Fluttershy down gently.
“Well back to my story. He then said that he was horrified to learn that some consider me to be worst pony.”
“That's more like it.”
Applejack glared at Discord.
“I did not say that you were worst pony. I said 'more like it' as in closer to worst than Fluttershy.”
Applejack said, “I jumped to a conclusion. I apologize.”
“Think nothing of it. You were saying?”
“But he had a plan. To put me into situations where I'll shine. So that everypony would see how wonderful I am.”
Discord gasped. “Evil public relations stunt! How fiendish!”
With a snap of his fingers a billboard titled 'Top 5 Antagonists' appeared. At the top at the number 1 position, with an image 3 times bigger than the others, sat Discord. Just below at the number 2 was Tirek. Below, at the third position was Queen Chrysalis. And finally at fourth position was...
“King Sombra, you are going down a notch.” Discord took King Sombra's picture and name, and lowered them to the fifth position.
King Sombra's imaged moved and softly hissed out, “Cryssstallls.”
Discord snapped his fingers and Bat-Mite's picture and name appeared in fourth position. “There! You were saying?”
Applejack facehooved. She took a deep breath and said, “I managed to talk him out of it.”
“You did? And you still need my help?” A tub of popcorn each appeared in front of Discord and Fluttershy. He took a handful of popcorn and chewed. “Dis is gonna be good.”
“We went to Manehatten against my will.”
“You were ponynapped?” He rose up and turned towards the billboard and stopped. “No. No. Don't worry. You Sun-butt butt kicker you.” With his finger he reached out and stroked Chrysalis's image mane. She leaned into it and purred. “You are still in third place. It will take more than that to move you.”
Discord sat back down. “Sorry. You were saying?” He flicked up a kernel and caught it in his mouth.
“Fine. You made yer point. There's not much reason to act against someone who wanted to make me into Equestria's greatest hero, able to save everypony be myself.”
“Le gaaasssp!” Discord gasped. “By yourself? Why that flies in the face of the power of friendship!” He rose up and turned towards the billboard again. “Sorry Chrissy, you are going down!” With a flick of his talons Bat-Mite and Queen Chrysalis switched places.
“Don't get too comfortable Tirek! This one is an up-and-comer!” He turned back to Applejack. “So what happened next?”
“Nothin'.”
Both Discord and Fluttershy said, ““Nothing?””
“Well, I talked him out of turning me into Batmare.”
“Batmare?” Fluttershy repeated.
“A comic book type hero. He then brought us back. I came here. That's it.”
“That's it? Then why in Celestia's sunny butt did you want me to deal with that imp?”
Applejack sighed. “I was thinking to set a fox against a fox. I wanted him gone, sent home. You can do that. It did not occur to me that it might not be righteous to do that.” Applejack sighed again. “He's an annoyance. Not somepony that you break out the heavy weapons for. I apologize for wasting your time.”
“Think nothing of it. It was an entertaining waste of my time. Besides, I would not have been able to help you.”
“What?”
“Oh sure, I could have sent him packing. But you have forgotten one teensy-weensy itsy-bitsy liiitle thing. He came here on his own, which means...”
“That he can come back on his own. Dang.”
“Yes. From what I've read, it may take him 90 days to do so. But he can come back and probably will. I know I would.
“Your best option is for somepony to talk him into going home and ideally give him a reason not to come back.”
“Somepony. You mean me.”
“You can hardly ask Fluttershy to do it. She's not good with confrontations.”
“I'm not. I'm really not. Oh, I'm really really not good with confrontations.”
“As for me. If I go off to talk to him, it will probably end up with me waking up in Las Pegasus married to him. Or something like that.” He leaned in closer. “You are the one he came to see. You are the one he will listen to. You are the one most likely to be able to convince him.”
“Unfortunately, that does make a lick a sense.” She adjusted her hat. “Talk. Fine. If you would all excuse me. I have an imp to find.”
“Good luck, Applejack.”
“What she said.” He turned to Fluttershy. “Say, there's a good luck saying that goes by 'Break a leg.' Does that mean I can break her leg after saying it?”
“Um, no.”
“Darn, then it's a good thing that I asked you first.”
Shaking her head Applejack closed the door as she left.
As she crossed over the small bridge near Fluttershy's home she saw a pony sized rectangle floating in mid-air.
Applejack muttered, “Well that sure was easy.” As she walked around the rectangle she saw Bat-Mite looking at it. She stopped and said, “Hey.”
Bat-Mite jerked in surprise. He looked at Applejack, smiled, pointed at the rectangle and then said, “Hey Applejack! Finished talking with Fluttershy?”
“Yes. I was going to introduce you but you disappeared.”
“Ah. Yes, well, I did not want to get in the way of any business you two had.”
“Try again.”
Bat-Mite fidgeted. “Right, honesty. I told you that some consider you worst pony? I consider Fluttershy worst pony.”
“You consider her a bad pony?”
“Oh no! While she has her flaws. She is an awesome pony. You all are! It is just...” He struggled for words. “She is so fearful! Episode after episode, it's as if they chose to emphasize that aspect of her. It's so frustrating!”
He took a deep breath and did the Cadance maneuver. “I was afraid that I would say something inappropriate and intimidate Fluttershy. You know what she looks like. She looks like a, um, puppy waiting to be kicked.” He shivered. “Not a pretty picture. And something I wanted to avoid.”
Applejack nodded. “So you had your reason.” She moved closer and took a quick look at the floating rectangle. She did a double take and stared at what she saw. “Is that a painting of Starlight Glimmer?”
“Oh no I just paused the episode.”
“What in tarnation is going on here?”
“Well I had an idea on what to do next and I was scanning a few episodes to find out whether or not my idea has merit. The slice of life episodes were a bust. But the mission episode 'Cutie Markless' has potential.” He gestured towards the rectangle and the image started to move backwards fast. It stopped then started forward normally. “There, while you were all held prisoner, if I had weakened the door just enough so that you would have been able to break it open. You would have been the hero of the story, instead of Fluttershy.”
“You intend to go back in time to change things?”
“Oh, no. I only used that as an example. I was thinking that when the castle sends you on missions, I'll secretly follow you and subtly help you. Make you look good. I just wish that there was another mission episode so that I could see whether or not the first episode was a fluke or that there was a trend that I can exploit.”
While he was talking Applejack kept splitting her attention between the display and Bat-Mite. When he finished she focused on him.
“You want everypony to like me. I'm flattered. I really am. Answer me this. For whom do you do all this for?”
“You?”
Applejack nods. “You believe that. But did I ask you to do this? No.” She moved closer to him and stood up on her hind legs so that she can see him eye to eye. “Let me make myself clear. I have no interest in the opinion of others, that I will never meet, have of me.”
“Um. In 'Pinkie Apple Pie' you were very concerned of Pinkie's opinion of your family.”
“Right, my family not myself.”
Bat-Mite gave her a skeptical look.
“I never said I was consistent.” She lower herself down to her four hooves. “Look, when I was younger I was concerned by what others thought of me. But now, I am a darn good pony. By deeds and words being the best that I can be. Day by day; by reflection, learning and practice I become a better pony. If others have a low opinion of me, that's their problem.
“Besides, you said it yourself; Fluttershy is your worst pony and you still think that she's awesome. So it's not so bad being worst pony.”
Bat-Mite stared at her. He kept staring at her until he said, “You. Are. So. AWSOME!”
Applejack waved a hoof. “Hush now. You'll make me blush.”
Bat-Mite smirked. “I thought that you did not care what others thought of you.”
“I said others I didn't know. 'Sides emotional reactions don't care none about intellectual beliefs. They happen whether you want to or not.” Applejack tilted her hat up. “Are you still going to try to convince those poor poor folks that I'm better than they thought I was?”
Bat-Mite raised his hands palms forward and said, “You made your case. I give up.”
“Good. What now? Are you going home?”
“Home? Heck no! I have a lot of sightseeing that I want to do! And there is a certain Doctor, who is way more popular than he should be, that I want a closer look at.”
“Ah. Are you certain you want to do that?”
“Why did I just get the feeling that a cold shiver should have run up and down my spine?”
Applejack smiled. “Are you aware that Rainbow Dash is a fan of the Daring Doo series of books?” At his nod she said, “Of course you are.”
“One thing you might not know is that she hates spoilers. She doesn't want to know anything beforehoof about a story. With the possible exception of the title. She wants to read the book fresh.”
Bat-Mite nods. “I know people like that. I also know people that can not get enough information about a story beforehand.”
“Where are you on that scale?”
“Close to Rainbow Dash. I can handle a spoiler-free summary. But beyond that, I try to avoid anything that might spoil the story for me.” He put his fists on his hips. “There is a point to all this, I presume?”
“Sure 'nuff.” Applejack pointed at the display. “That adventure at Our Town was a while back. You said that it was the only mission given by the castle that you knew about. There have been others. I figure that in your sightseeing you might come across some of those spoilers that you don't like. Wreck your enjoyment of those episodes when you get back.”
Applejack looked away and muttered, “Redecorating? No way. Ah!” She grinned. “Have you heard that Babs Seed got her cutie mark?”
“Your cousin? Good for her. I know that she was looking forward to it.”
“Do you want to know how the Cutie Mark Crusaders reacted when they heard?”
Bat-Mite eyes grew wide. “That implies that they were not there. That implies that they reacted poorly. That implies that they had nightmares. That implies that it will be the basis of the long awaited Apple Bloom/Princess Luna episode! Ah! I do not want to hear anymore!” He put his hands over where his ears would be on his cowl and started singing, “Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na NAH NAH.”
Applejack rolled her eyes, reached out and tapped him. When his attention was on her, she crossed her hoof in front of her lips. He stopped that infernal na na naing and slowly removed his hands from his head.
“Ah'll take that as a no. Well, do you still want to stay and risk being exposed to spoilers?”
Bat-Mite grimaced. “I suppose that I can come back after the current season ends.” He nods. “It will reduce the number of possible spoilers and it will give me time to forget any innocent remarks.” He nods again. “It's a plan.”
He looked at Applejack. “Thank You. It has been wonderful to meet you. You have been a good sport about all this.”
She made a dismissive gesture. “I have gotten used to the unusual by now. You have a safe trip back home, y'hear!”
“I will. Oh, before I leave. Now that you go out on missions. You should learn some skills that will increase the odds of… you and your friends coming back successful, safe and sound. You are a very talented mare Applejack. But talent does not replace training. Think about it.”
She looked at him for a few seconds. “I will.”
“See ya!” He snapped his fingers and was gone.
She stared at where Bat-Mite was until she heard clapping coming from behind her.
It was Discord. “Bravo! Bravissima! You have successfully defeated your opponent using the power of honesty!” He stopped clapping. “Although what you did, did not equal to what Fluttershy had done.”
“Not everypony can defeat the top antagonist. I'll just have to be satisfied with number three.”
Applejack adjusted her hat. “Now if you'll excuse me. Things that haven't been done need doing.” She turned to leave. Paused, turned back to Discord and said, “See you later.”
Discord perked up, nodded and said, “See you later Applejack.”
Hours later, Applejack entered her room. “Whew, this has been a day and a half.”
As she put her hat on its peg she noticed something unexpected from the corner of her eye. On her bureau was the Applejack plushie she saw earlier, or its twin. She moved closer, looking at it and it's reflection in the bureau's mirror.
“Heh. He's right. You sure are cute.” She looked up. “If this is a gift, thank you kindly.”
She looked up, down, all around and said, “The story is over. So no peeking!” She left for the wash room.
SOMEWHERE ELSE
“It is not quite over Applejack. OK. Pause. Scroll back a few seconds, there! Now wait until she comes back. There she is. Wait, wait, start!”
Applejack climbs into bed and sets her head on the pillow.
“Fade to black. Start end credits.”
“There all done. Well, except for a few editing passes.”
“I wonder if I should post this in YourVid? As a newb I'll be lucky to get a dozen views.”
“Ehhh why not?”
Author's Note
I'm Your Biggest Fan is now complete.
I heard of Bat-Mite new mini series and something just clicked.
I hope you enjoyed the story.
note: I will be including a bonus chapter. A deleted scene that I took out of the first chapter. I liked it but was not relevant to the story.
