Rainbow Dash Needs Meat

by Sailor_Pluto

Rating: mature
Tags: Dark, Comedy, Random, Alternate Universe
Length: 1942

There was once a time when Rainbow visited the human world. What she brought back as a souvenir is nothing to be proud about.

Not that kind of meat, get your mind out of the gutter.

There was once a time when Rainbow visited the human world. What she brought back as a souvenir is nothing to be proud about.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-17 14:20:02 UTC

Rainbow's Secret

It had been nearly a month since Rainbow Dash had gotten back to Equestria from the human world. And her life was now terrible. Everypony somehow knew about her little trip, and wouldn't stop following her around asking her questions. And Cadance had to hire more royal guards because ponies wouldn't stop trying to get to the inter dimensional mirror. The castle was also being raided because Celestia was there, trying to figure out why the portal had been open for a week.

When Twilight had gone, only her six closest friends, the princesses, and somehow Lyra, knew about it. Twilight was swamped as well, but just because she was the newest princess of Equestria.

Rainbow had brought home a few things from the human world as gifts for her friends, but she also brought a terrible secret.

While she was at Canterlot High, she had bought a burger. Not knowing it was meat, she devoured it. When she found out, she wasn't upset. In fact, she was excited. Everyday for the week that she was there, she ordered something with meat in it. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It had to be meat.

Her new Canterlot friends became terrified. No matter what they told her, she wouldn’t stop eating meat. So, eventually, they served her a horse-meat burger. It’s result was Rainbow vomiting explosively. They were relieved, but not for long. As it turned out, that specific burger had given her food poisoning. So, when she was better, she resumed eating horse flesh. And the last three times the meat was still on the horse.

When it came time for her to go back, she was deeply saddened, but brought along a supply of various dead animals to cook. They were all gone in the first day.

***

“Hey, Rainbow!” Twilight called from a distance. Rainbow froze.

“H-hey, Twilight!” Rainbow replied nervously, shifting her saddlebags around.

Twilight trotted up in front of Rainbow and looked at her curiously. “Whatcha got in there?” Twilight said, gesturing towards Rainbow’s bulging saddlebags.

The cyan pegasus took a step back. “Oh, you know.... stuff?”

Twilight rose an eyebrow. “Rainbow, did you steal something?”

Beads of sweat appeared on Rainbow’s forehead. “W-what? N-no, I didn’t steal anything…. w-why do you ask?”

Twilight took a step towards Rainbow. “Because I’ve never seen you’re saddlebags this packed before… makes me think you stole something.” Twilight leaned in curiously. “Like a certain stallion’s Wonderbolt uniform…”

Rainbow leaped. “Are you SERIOUS?! You really think I stole Soarin’s outfit?! SERIOUSLY!?! I am not that JUVENILE!!!”

Twilight gave her a look. Rainbow sighed.

“Alright, I AM that juvenile, but I didn't steal it. Yet, anyway.”

And then the pony leg fell out of her saddlebag.

Twilight’s eyes bulged. Rainbow quickly picked it up and stuffed back inside the bag.

Twilight gagged. “Was that a…”

“NO!!!” Rainbow shrieked.

“You don’t even know what I was about to…”

“It was not that thing that you were about to say that I don’t know.”

Twilight cocked her head to a side. “Rainbow, that was so obviously a pony’s leg. So, just confess now and you will most likely not be sent to a padded room.”

Rainbow sighed. “Alright, Twilight, you caught me. I’m bringing home supplies for a Nightmare Night party. After all, Nightmare Night is right around the corner.” Rainbow giggled nervously.

Twilight shook her head. “No, Rainbow. It looked like a real pony leg. Plus, you’ve never thrown a party before. This isn’t like you.”

Rainbow’s eyes darted left and right, and then she leaned in really close to her friend. “It’s for the squirt.” she whispered. “Scootaloo really likes parties, so I figured I would throw her one. And, by the way, that’s how they make fake body parts now. Realistic.”

Rainbow grinned. “Well, bye!” she said loudly, turning and taking off in the opposite direction.

Twilight watched the cyan pegasi’s rainbow trail lighting up the night sky. Something was definitely amiss.

***

Rainbow slammed her door shut. “That was close. Too close.” she mumbled. She fired up the oven and, while it was heating up, she took out the pony parts and began to prepare them.

This time, she had only gotten hold of a few legs. She really liked it when she got a pony’s head. She used their mane for threads.

She usually only stole fresh parts from mortuaries, and only little pieces at a time. Surprisingly, nopony ever noticed that some bits of the deceased were missing.

By the time the oven was warmed up, Rainbow had herself a neat little pile of sauteed pony cubes. She stuffed them into the oven with a giggle, then stacked the bones in a corner and began to make a sauce with the pony’s blood.

Someone knocked at her door.

“Who is it?” Rainbow shouted while she added oregano to the sauce.

“It’s me. Twilight.” came the reply.

Rainbow’s eyes widened. “H-how did you get up here, you unicorn?”

She could hear Twilight give a breath of frustration. “I’m an alicorn now, remember?”

“Oh yeah.” Rainbow said absent-mindedly while she quickly stuffed the bones in her pantry. She knew Twilight would burst in at any moment. “Why are you here?”

Twilight growled. “You know why I’m here, Rainbow Dash. You’re acting weird, and I want to know why.”

Rainbow heard Twilight trying to open the door.

“HA-HAH!!!” Rainbow cheered. “I locked it, you can’t get in!” she gloated.

Twilight growled, a little louder this time. “Dash, listen to me. You will let me in this. Very. MINUTE. Understand, Dashie?!”

Rainbow was taken aback. Twilight only called her Dashie when she was really angry.

“If not,” Twilight continued. “I will be forced to go in through the window.”

“Don’t!” Rainbow shouted. “That’s really expensive Clousdalian glass! It’s the only kind of glass that can be used in cloud houses!”

“Then let me in.” Twilight said darkly.

“Never!” Rainbow pouted. Twilight came crashing in through a window.

“Oh come ON!” Rainbow cried. “I thought you were bluffing!”

Twilight dusted herself off. “I wasn’t.” she said simply.

“You could have used your magic to unlock the door!” Rainbow protested.

Twilight’s eyes widened as she looked up at her horn. She smiled meekly. “I, um, sorta forgot I had a horn.” she said quietly.

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Yeah right. Just a moment earlier, you were reminding me that you were an alicorn!”

Twilight turned away.

Rainbow glared at her. “You’re paying for the window.”

Twilight shrugged. “It’s only fair.” she replied. Then she leapt at Rainbow Dash.

“What are you hiding?!” she yelled as she tackled the pegasus.

The two mares rolled kicking and screaming into the kitchen.

Twilight stopped fighting when she smelled the cooking meat.

She rose an eyebrow. “What are you cooking?”

Rainbow’s eyes darted to the side. “Nothing….”

Twilight shoved Rainbow back and grabbed the oven’s handles with her magic, pulling the door open.

Rainbow’s heart just about stopped. But, when Twilight’s eyes met her own, there was not a look of anger in them, but of look of confusion.

“What is that?” Twilight asked quietly.

Rainbow was so stunned at her friend’s reaction that she could only say, “What?”

“What IS THAT?!” Twilight shouted, grabbing one of the small cubes with her magic. “WHAT IS THIS?!”

Rainbow slowly put her hooves together. “Y'know.” Rainbow said, more beads of sweat appearing on her forehead. “Dinner.”

Twilight stared at her in horror.

“Is this…” she thrust the cube into Rainbow’s face. “MEAT?!”

Rainbow’s eyes grew misty.

“How COULD you, Rainbow Dash? How COULD you?!”

Rainbow felt the tears slowly start to run down her face. She shrugged.

Twilight angrily gritted her teeth. “You are a PONY, for land sakes! Ponies don’t eat this twisted shit.”

Twilight got a funny look on her face, then leaned down and sniffed the cube of meat. Her eyes widened.

“Is this…” she started.

Rainbow shook her head violently. “No, it’s not.”

Twilight glared at her. “This is pony meat.”

Rainbow continued to shake her head.

Twilight nodded slowly. “This is definitely pony meat.”

By now the tears were coming down Rainbow’s face like waterfalls.

“I’m sorry.” Rainbow said quietly.

“What was that? Didn’t hear you.” Twilight said sarcastically.

“I said, I’m sorry.” Rainbow choked.

“Don’t be.” Twilight said angrily. “You’ve just killed tons of ponies to eat them. Face it. You’re a cannibal.”

“That’s not why I’m sorry.” Rainbow said, taking a step forward. Twilight gulped and took a step back. “I’m sorry because you’ve learned too much.” Rainbow took another step forward. “I think you know what I do to ponies when they learn too much.”

Rainbow opened the door to the pantry, then beckoned Twilight over. Twilight, being paralyzed with fear, followed her.

Inside the pantry, there was no food or ingredients. But dried, bloodied bones.

“What the…” Twilight said before being struck upon the head. Everything went black.

***

Soarin chewed the delicious meal his girlfriend had made him.

“This is delicious, Rainbow Dash. What is it?”

Rainbow smiled. “That’s a secret, honey. Sorry.”

Soarin shook his head. “Quite alright. I understand that a chef never reveals his secret.”

He took another bite and gagged.

“Everything alright, Soarin?”

His face twisted up, and he nodded, pulling out a tuft of lavender hide.

“What is this, babe?” he asked.

She tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Well, my friend Twilight was over, so she must have gotten some of her hide in it when she was here.”

Soarin lowered the piece of fur. “Oh, you two are really good friends, aren’t you?”

Rainbow nodded. “I’m really good at cooking with her. She helps me a lot. Without her, this wouldn’t taste as good.” Rainbow smiled. “That’s why I call it Alicorn Surprise.”

Soarin stopped eating for a minute. “That makes it sound like it has alicorn in it.” he shrugged and kept eating.

When they finished, Soarin went to the living room to put a movie in, while Rainbow excused herself to the secret entrance to her basement.

Clutching the tuft of purple hide, she trotted downstairs to her closet.

Inside, there was a number of terrifying things. A necklace of severed unicorn horns. A cloak made of pegasus wings.

But, there was something truly terrifying about the scene. The cloak and necklace had been added to. The necklace now had a horn that was a tad bit longer than the rest, and the same color purple as the bit of hide. Two more wings had been used to make a hood for the cloak, also the same color purple as the tuft.

Rainbow tossed the bit down.

“I nearly got caught, Twilight.” Rainbow laughed maniacally. “You nearly got me caught. You thought you could stop me. Obviously, you couldn’t. I never liked you from the start.”

She leaned closer to the remains of Twilight.

“And when I hate someone, this is what I do to them.”

“Rainbow? Rainbow, where are you, babe?”

“Coming, Soarin!” she replied, rushing upstairs.

Soarin was waiting in the kitchen.

“What were you doing?” he asked.

She patted her stomach. “Ate too much.” she lied.

As they settled down on the couch, Rainbow said, “Soarin, would you share everything with me? Like, all your secrets?”

Soarin took a minute to answer. “Of course, my little Dashie. I love you enough to tell you everything. Would you tell me everything about you?”

Rainbow shrugged. “Eventually.” she said. “I have to make sure you are committed to me, because once I tell you them, you can’t tell anyone else. Do you promise?”

Soarin paused, then slowly nodded. “Yeah, I promise.”