THE BIRDS!!!

by Sailor_Pluto

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Pinkie Pie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy
Length: 1116

Pinkie makes the entire avian population mad at her.

One day, Pinkie goes to Ponyville’s avian sanctuary to watch all the pretty birds.

Now, Pinkie loves birds dearly, and she would never do anything to piss them off. Just one problem.

She majorly pisses them off.

Inspired by that one time when my uncle angered the entire waterfowl population by quacking at some ducks.

Published 2015-05-18 21:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-18 21:00:02 UTC

On The Day That Pinkie Decided to Anger The Ducks

Pinkie trotted up to the gate that was at the entrance of the avian sanctuary. Come on, ponies! She thought. Hurry it up!

"Next, please." the attendant said.

"Ooh! That's me!" Pinkie yelled, rushing up to the front. "Hello, Ms. Attendant Lady!"

"Hello...Pinkie."

Pinkie laughed. "Ms. Attendant Lady, can I call you Red Feather?"

"Huh? Why?"

Pinkie giggled. "It's what your name tag says, duh!"

Red Feather shook her head. "Um...right. Well, normally Pinkie, one just comes to the front of the line, pays, gets their share of bread, and leaves to go look at the birds." She prepared Pinkie's cup of bread. "So can we just do that?"

"Right, right! Sorry!" Pinkie slid the appropriate amount of bits underneath the glass to Red Feather.

"Here you are." She handed Pinkie the cup.

"Ooh! I get a snack, too!" Pinkie tilted the cup back and dumped all of the bread into her mouth at once. "This place is even greater than I could have ever imagined!"

"Pinkie, that was for the birds." Red Feather said.

"Oh." Pinkie smiled sheepishly. "Sorry..."

"Here, give me the cup." Pinkie handed the cup to her, and she refilled it. "There you go. Don't eat it this time."

"I won't!" Pinkie said. "Don't worry!"

She skipped through that gate. "I get to see pretty birdies!"

She stopped at a large deck jutting out over one of the sanctuary's bogs. "OH, HEY!!!" She yelled at the top of her lungs. "THERE ARE DUCKS! THEY HAVE DUCKS HERE! I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!!!" She started throwing her bread at the ducks. "HI DUCKIES!!!" She sat and smiled for a moment.

"Mama, look!" One foal said, pointing off the deck. "That duck's coming over!"

"Oh my, he looks a little angry..."

The duck waddled up the side of the hill and onto the deck.

"Hi there, duckie!" Pinkie said, walking over to it. "I'm going to call you Steve." It quacked madly at her and pecked her front hoof. "Ouch! That hurt!"

The duck looked back at the bog and quacked again.

"Are you calling your friends?" Pinkie asked it. A large swarm of ducks flew over the railing of the deck and right at Pinkie. She gasped. "You were calling your friends!" She waved at them. "Hi, Steve's friends!" They all quacked and surrounded her, pecking her hide and pulling her mane. "Ow! Steve, you have mean friends!"

She waved her hooves, clearing the ducks for a minute. She screamed and ran away while she still could.

She heard Steve and his friends quacking again. She turned, and saw that they were calling more birds. "Oh, come ON!" She whined. "They shouldn't have been that angry!"

A vulture swooped down and pecked her head.

"Ouch!" She picked up a stone and threw it at the bird. "Bad Tom!" She giggled. "Tom! That's a silly name for a vulture!"

She galloped away at top speed. "Must...get...away!" She said between breaths.

A bald eagle stopped her in her path. "ARG!" She jumped over the eagle. She cleared it successfully, but it still tried to peck at her belly.

Finally, she got to a rest stop.

"Hello and welcome to the Ponyville Avian Sanctuary Rest Stop." The mare at the front desk said in a monotone voice. She was speaking to Pinkie without even looking up from her magazine. "I'm Nancy. How may I help you?"

"THE BIRDS ARE TRYING TO KILL ME!" Pinkie shrieked.

"I'm sorry, we don't currently have that item in stock."

"WHAT?! I'M NOT LOOKING FOR AN ITEM, I WANT HELP SO THAT THE BIRDS DON'T KILL ME!!!"

"Have you tried our water?" Nancy asked, gesturing over to a blank shelf. "It's delicious."

"THEY TRIED TO DIVE-BOMB ME ONCE!"

"Would you like an umbrella for that?"

"HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO HELP?!" Pinkie threw her hooves in the air. "THEIR BEAKS WOULD JUST RIP RIGHT THROUGH THE TOP OF IT!!!"

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience."

"LIKE HELL YOU ARE!" Pinkie plopped down on the ground. "I just don't know what to do..."

Nancy turned the page. "Please find everything okay."

Pinkie gasped. "DO YOU SELL GUNS HERE?!"

"No."

"AXES?!"

"No."

"KNIVES?!"

"No."

"BOWS AND ARROWS?!"

"Ones for foals."

"I'll take that, please!" Pinkie threw some bits on the desk. Nancy reached underneath the desk and pulled out a small, pink bow and a couple of arrows with suction cups on the ends.

"Do you sell arrowheads?!"

"Ones we had made in Canterlot."

"Gimme five of those." Pinkie threw more bits on the desk. Nancy handed over some dulled arrowheads. Pinkie looked at them quizzically. "Why are they so dull?"

"We had them dulled so no one could hurt themselves." Nancy replied, turning a page.

"GOD! Could you just-" Pinkie reached over the desk and grabbed Nancy's magazine, ripping it into little bits. "Whatcha gonna do now?" Pinkie laughed. "You have to help me NOW!"

Nancy reached under the desk and brought out another magazine, the very same copy. "You can rip up this one too. I have copies. And a JPEG."

Pinkie growled. "Do you have any sharpening stones?!"

"Commemorative ones." Nancy set one on the desk. "The say 'Ponyville Avian Sanctuary'. Isn't that just adorable?"

Pinkie threw more bits on the table. "Here!" She grabbed the stone and violently dragged it across the arrowheads. When she had finished, they were as sharp as knives.

"Thanks, Gladys!" Pinkie yelled, running out of the shop.

"It's Nancy."

Pinkie drew back her bow and set an arrow. Currently no birds. Pinkie thought to herself. I hope they've forgotten me... Steve waddled out from around a corner and quacked. "Ah HA!" Pinkie drew back the bow as far as she could and let the arrow fly.

"Oh goodness!" Fluttershy rushed from around the corner too. "Steve!"

"You're in cahoots with Steve?!" Pinkie yelled. "How DARE you, Fluttershy?!"

"No, I'm not!" Fluttershy shielded her head. "Please don't shoot me..."

"I won't if you explain!" Pinkie yelled.

"Oh, well, I decided to come visit the sanctuary, and for some reason, all of the birds were angry. They told me that an annoyingly pink pony - their words, not mine - had thrown bread at Steve and they wanted revenge."

Pinkie rolled her eyes. "Is that all?"

"Yes."

Pinkie pulled the arrow out of Steve's wing. "Sorry about that, buddy."

He quacked.

Fluttershy took him to her cottage so she could bandage up his wing.

Pinkie sighed. "Wow. This has been one hectic day."

Author's Note

This version of Pinkie reminds me of Yotsuba a little bit.

Personally, my favorite character in this story is Nancy.