Chapter 8: Relocation

The crew all strapped on their gear, weapons checked and safety measures taken, as to prevent misfires and accidental impalements. Hermes buzzed as he busied himself with making his uniform presentable, both out of excitement about his first official deployment in his new battalion, and nervousness of what their duties would probably now include, with this new threat looming over Equestria. “Commander,” he called. “Can you help me strap on my breastplate?”

“Ya got magic, don’t ya?” Scootaloo called back. “Do it yourself. I’m your CO, not your foalsitter.”

The young changeling sighed, lifted the purple plate over his head and brought it down around his neck, using his magic to latch it secure. Once that was out of the way, Hermes took his helmet and placed it over his head, sliding it down his horn. Scootaloo looked him up and down with a curious look. “I can’t believe changelings fashion armour out of metal, rather than ballistic fibre.” She commented. “Doesn’t it weigh you down, at all? And what if a bullet bashes your helmet in?” Hermes looked himself up and down and simply shrugged.

“Well, you’ve probably noticed that we don’t, really, have any real complex equipment, like you ponies.” He explained. “We have guns and the like, but we just, to put it simply, don’t have the tech to make fancy fibres, we’ve never moved past metal forging for several decades.” Scootaloo simply nodded.

“Ah. I see. Yeah, it’s weird. Your culture is still in the stage of bartering for goods, isn’t it? You don’t, like, have a set currency, like we do.” Hermes nodded. “That’s, actually, pretty neat,” Scootaloo made her way to the door. “Now, how about we go make sure Fang and Marks are ready to rock and roll?” Hermes nodded again and followed the commander to check on the aforementioned lovers.

The walk took some time, the monotonous grey walls not particularly giving much perspective of time or distance travelled. Once they were stood in front of the door to Fang’s room, Scootaloo swung the door wide open with an almighty crash. “Alright, troops. Eyes front, stand by your…..” Her words dropped away as her jaw fell, practically slamming into the floor at the sight before her. “HOLY CELESTIA!” She shrieked, raising a fetlock to shield Hermes’ eyes. The two ponies, stood balanced on their hind legs, hooves wrapped around one another’s withers and their tongues buried in each other's mouths. The two yelped in surprise, both of them toppling over into a comical pile of legs, tails and wings. Hermes couldn’t help but giggle to himself at the sight as he peeped over his CO’s raised hoof, Scootaloo simply smirking at the scene. “Well, well, well.” She crowed tauntingly as the embarrassed lovers scrambled to their hooves, dusting themselves off, faces bright red with shame. “Fang,” She smirked as the bat pony squeaked and flinched at the sadistic way Scootaloo said her name. “I know we may have run out of your special synth meat, until the next shipment arrives, but you really don’t need to substitute it for poor old Marks’ face, now, do you?” She giggles with delight as Fang’s blush spread from her ears to her neck.

Marks huffed grumpily and turned his face away from his commanding officer. “Commander….” he harrumphed. “It….. It’s bad enough you barged in on us so rudely, without first seeking permission to enter in the first place, but…… to harass your sergeant so brutally…”

“Oh, she’s a big mare, Marks.” Scootaloo laughed, rolling her eyes. “She can take it as well as she can give, am I right!?” The lovers stared at her, wide eyed at her remark, as she fell about laughing on the floor, holding her aching sides. “Alright, alright.” The amber pegasus conceded, wiping a tear from her eye. “Let’s get to the train station, before these two lovebirds start playing tonsil tennis again.” She teased, leading the gang out of the barracks.

At the train station, the group found themselves greeted by Spike, Chrysalis, the princesses, a now bandaged Twilight Sparkle and Spike’s wife, Fluttershy, who was greedily stuffing her face with grapes and ice cream. Scootaloo tilted her head curiously as she watched the buttery pegasus scarf down the frozen dessert like it was going out of fashion, all sense of decorum or manners thrown to the wind. Spike noticed Scoots staring at the usually demure pegasus.

“Hey, uh…. Scoots?” He said, gently coaxing the orange mare from her zoned out stare. “Don’t, uh….. Don’t stare at my wife, please. She’s, uh….. You know.”

Scootaloo blinked uncomprehendingly. “What? Starving?” She chuckled, snorting a little as she gave the grand general a teasing smirk. “Geez, Spike, do you keep her locked up in the pigpen, or something? You need to feed your wife a little more often, man.”

Fluttershy giggled softly through a mouthful of ice cream, drawing all eyes to her as she smiled at Scootaloo and shook her head “No, Scootaloo.” She cooed softly, a little bit of melted cream spraying from her lips, raising one or two eyebrows as she shamelessly continued. “You see……. I may or may not be…..” she giggled again and angled her body so that her belly was visible to Scootaloo and the group, revealing how her abdomen was slightly rounder and more distended than usual. Scootaloo’s eyes bugged out, legs staggering backwards as she choked on her own saliva mid gasp.

“F-Fluttershy! You’re….. Y-You’re….?” Fluttershy simply giggled and nodded, nuzzling into her husband’s side as he crouched down to embrace her. Scootaloo turned her stunned gaze to Spike, before a teasing smirk spread across her face. “Took ya long enough, dude.” She teased, lightly hoof bumping the dragon’s clawed hand. “It’s been, what, six years since you two tied the knot, and you’re just now putting a little Spike in her belly?”

Spike rolled his eyes with a chuckle and shook his head at his friend’s teasing. “Well, think about it, would you, Scoots?” He teased back. “She’s a pony, I’m a dragon. Not exactly good building blocks to create a little life together without a little… assistance, are we, now?” Scootaloo tilted her head curiously at the dragon’s words, so he went on to explain. “Twilight here can go over the details.”

The alicorn cleared her throat and stepped forward, slipping into her infamous lecture mode.

“Through meticulous combing of the dragon and Pegasus genomes,-”

“If I may be so bold,” Chrysalis interrupted with a not so subtle roll of her eyes, “might I request the abridged version?”

Twilight stood paralyzed for a second, her face appearing to hold back an immense amount of rage at the interruption, before sighing. “I made Spike produce pony gametes eight months ago.” She huffed.

“Oooohhhh” Scootaloo drawled. “Psst... Fang. What's a gamete?”

Fang rolled her eyes and smirked at Scootaloo with a giggle. “Sperma, Kommandant.” She deadpanned, making the orange mare blush.

“You’d think she’s never copulated before.” Chrysalis sighed, causing Scootaloo to growl at her. Hermes tapped Scootaloo on the shoulder.

“Um… excuse me, Commander, but… why are you being so informal with the Grand General?”

“I've known the scale fart since I was eight” she chuckled. “Should've seen before puberty hit him like a sack of bricks. Barely taller than I was, and that was including his crests, chubby and his voice was so squeaky and childish.”

Spike chuckled and rolled his eyes. “And now, I tower above you, and can easily snap you in two like a twig if you continue to talk smack about me in front of your regiment.” He teased, making everypony present laugh. “Well. Now that everypony’s here, I think it’s high time we get on that train and gone.” The dragon suggested, to a unanimous vote of agreement. Everyone boarded the Friendship Express to Canterlot, and the train chugged off toward the mountaintop city.

The train ride was long, tedious and uneventful, the never ending walk to the castle only worsening the combined tiredness and exhaustion of the group as the guards let them into the grand palace. After dropping Fluttershy off in a suite for her and her husband, the group started talking amongst themselves to discuss sleeping arrangements and plans of action, regarding this new threat to Equestria’s national security. As they got to the throne room, Fang let out a horrified shriek, making everypony jump.

“Fang?” Marks rushed to her side. “What is it, darling? What’s wrong?” Everypony followed the bat pony’s wide eyed stare to find the cause of her scream; a mangled, bloodied carcass of a pony.