Let's See How Bad I Can Make This Fanfic

by Troll

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Random, Human, Main 6, Original Character
Length: 6010

A self-insert brony in Equestria story.

I've successfully created the worst fanfic ever. It's beautiful. I took everything that everybody hates about fanfiction and put it into a fic in an attempt to elicit all of your hate.

Summary: A young man is telepoted to Equestria where he meets all of the ponies that he knows and loves.

Image that suits the fic drawn by this guy: http://technical0difficulty.deviantart.com/art/Gary-Stu-I-MUST-BE-IN-EQUESTRIA-302940131?q=meta%3Aall%20sort%3Atime&qo=3

This is a sequel to: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/20744/The-worst-Fanfic-EVER

Published 2012-05-18 00:24:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-19 21:08:41 UTC

Chapter 1

It was a beautiful day in Equestria, the birds were singing and the clouds were nice and fluffy and big. The sky was a baby blue and even the rabbits jumped happily around the field singing and laughing and doing all those bunny things. Everypony was having a good time. Until...

A gigantic rip in the space-time continuum caused a massive portal to open, and then all of a sudden, a human fell out of it and into the land of Equestria. (Note that we're disregarding the fact that everything in one world is completely drawn and everything in the real world is not drawn). At first the human wondered how he had gotten there, and how the portal had opened, but he didn't care at all.

The human looked all around at all the ponies, and he said "I must be in EQUESTRIA!" His life was about to become twenty percent cooler in ten seconds flat, he wouldn't be forever alone anymore, and he did not take an arrow to the knee.

Before doing anything, the human reflected on his shitty life filled with being bullied and how bad everything was and sucked. He was filled with angst.

Then, all of a sudden, out of absolutely nowhere, the man became an alicorn! He had a fireball for a cutie mark and was jet black with blazing red hair. Twilight Sparkle came up to the alicorn and said,"Whoa, you look handsome and awesome, what's your name?"

"GARY STU," said the man turned alicorn. He then looked deep into Twilight's eyes and used the power of self-desire to control Twilight to come over to him and start making out. It was awesom- I mean he thought it was awesome.

After the human and Twilight were done making out, they decided that it would be best to take it back to Twilight's place, so they did. But the alicorn didn't feel as though Twilight was awesome enough for him, so he went off to find Rainbow Dash.

Once he had flown to CloudsDale, he completely ate a pony and swallowed them whole. Yummy.

Then he went up to Rainbow Dash's door and knocked. Rainbow Dash answered. She had a rainbow mane and tail. And was sky blue. The alicorn broke her wings. Rainbow Dash was sad.

The alicorn decided that Rainbow Dash was awesome enough to ride on his back, so she hopped on and he went off to find Fluttershy, the cutest pony evar.

Once he had flown a good fifty yards, he decided it would be time to use his ultra-cool teleportation powers and teleported all the way to Fluttershy's cottage. He knocked on her door. Fluttershy answered it, and when she did the alicorn grabbed her and gave her the biggest hug that was possible. Now that he had given Fluttershy a hug, it was time to go find Pinkie Pie. He then proceeded to violently murder Fluttershy. (Hows THAT for eliciting hate?)

Anyway, he didn't actually murder Fluttershy, but he did tell Fluttershy that if she got any more adorable that he'd have to kill her, because her adorableness would compromise the safety of all the known universes. The alicorn spread his awesomely black wings and took off once more.

Once he had found Pinkie Pie, he looked at her long and hard. For some reason she was now a anthropomorphic human-pony with heaving breasts. She smiled and winked at me while saying,"I hate parties."

For some reason she was wearing underwear. The alicorn trotted up to Pinkie Pie and looked her straight in the eyes before saying,"If I was into clop, this would be so hot right now, but I'm not, so it's mildly disturbing and extremely unnerving to see you like this."

Pinkie Pie looked back at the alicorn, and within a moment she transformed back into pony form. She maintained the underwear and was now wearing socks. The alicorn examined her.

"This is oddly sexual, and it slightly unnerves me. I'm going to leave now." So he did.

This time, he decided to fly off to Celestia's palace, but not before stopping to take a massive dump on a statue of her. Not only was it the most massive dump that Equestria had ever seen, it also glowed and had the power to fuel an entire American state for four hundred centuries. That's like six days.

Princess Celestia was not pleased that there was another alicorn, so she threw bananas at him. The alicorn didn't care about the bananans, and instead launched a mega-powerful lazer beam out of his horn at Celestia, turning her into a banana herself. He then picked up banana-Celestia, and ate her. She was delicious. And had plenty of potassium for a healthy diet.

Then I went back to Ponyville in search of Applejack, and when I found her we went Applebuckin together. The alicorn accidentely destroyed an entire tree by touching it with his hoof. Applejack thought that the alicorn was awesome, and made out with him just like Twilight did. What happened next is R-rated. R is for Radical and Raunchy and Really hot. And Restricted.

After all that, the alicorn decided to visit Rarity, who is obviously best pony and there may be no further disputes about this, for upon arriving at Rarity's house the alicorn shot a small orb of magic into the multiverse which exploded, forever labeling Rarity as best pony. Rarity then gained a small, extra cutie mark on the inside of her thigh which was the words "Best Pony".

The alicorn, approaching best pony, spent the rest of the day showing Sweetie Belle the ropes of pleasuring a mare. Sweetie Belle couldn't stop looking as Rarity squealed with delight. After Rarity had thoroughly had the best massage of her fucking life, the alicorn made out with her and left, because Rarity deserves to be treated with at least some respect. She's a lady. Then the alicorn went all the way to Appleloosa, just so he could hear Braeburn say Appleloosa in pony. After that, he went to the buffalo tribe and bro-hoofed the tribe master for being such a bro.

Without any further hesitation, the alicorn teleported back to Ponyville and gathered up Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Twilight, and Pinkie Pie. Once he had them all in one place, he used his bulging muscles that had transferred to his pony form from his human form to rip open the universe. With a portal now open, he grabbed each of the ponies and jumped through the portal, landing on Earth as a human.

Now all the ponies were with him, so he took them all back to his house where they lived together for the rest of eternity.

And then Trixie came. And it was awesome.

The man looked at his screen, and his story was featured, meaning that it was now 90x more susceptible to hate due to the fact that other stories could be in it's place. He laughed, yelling,"SUCCESS!"

He sat back in his chair and reveled in his glory. Little did the readers know that not only was this story a parody of bad fanfiction, but also a parody or troll fics that made it to the top of the popular list.

No seriously, how did this get here.

Meta of a parody of a parody of a parody [DO NOT READ]

Do not take anything that is about to be said as a joke, or else you might have a sense of humor.

WARNING, THIS IS NOT FUNNY AT ALL>
AT ALL
AT ALL
NOT ONE TINY BIT
NO COMEDY HERE
SERIOUSLY THERE IS NONE

WHATEVER YOU CHOSE TO READ IT

Gary Stu sat down in front of his computer. Two days prior he had submitted a fanfiction in parody of most other fanfiction, and it had somehow found its way to the featured box. He took a sip of his soda, reclining in his chair and staring at the screen. Sure enough, a troll fic or parody of any kind finding its way to the featured box was going to elicit mass amounts of hate. Sometimes even in the form of parody.

Applejack trotted into the room and sat next to Gary, who continued to sit and stare at the computer screen. He scratched his head. Most of the people seemed to like it, but there was a large amount that didn't. He scrolled through the site, looking at the fanfiction and checking the blogs of some of his favorite authors, but to his surprise there were mass criticisms against the featured box and the exact story he had submitted. Blinking twice, Gary made sure that he was reading it right, and sure enough there was no effort to make the attack indirect, but targeted him directly. Gary frowned, this is not what he wanted.

Gary reflected on the past events that had led to this. One day he had simply written a story, and the next day he was just out having some fun and coming back from his fun he discovered all this hatred. It didn't make much sense to him.

Applejack sat on Gary's lap as he stroked her mane, his self desires being thoroughly fulfilled. Without another thought, he set his fingers on the keyboard and started to type. Mainly because he was totally bored and didn't have much else to do. Here is what he wrote:

"LOL LOOK AT ME I WANT ATTENTION PLZ"

And then he submitted it.

Without another word he got up out of his chair and went to find Twilight, whom he had brought back from Equestria.

Once found, he brought her back to his computer where she lay down and took a nap.

Gary looked at his computer screen once more. Many times had he wondered why people were so adverse to authors getting attention for writing stories that parodied others. Sometimes a parody could be insightful, or maybe funny should the author not be too serious about it. Of course, these types of stories are GOLD MINES for other authors. They just LOVE complaining in a way that appeals to the people while at the same time contains all of there disdain for the recognition of such trolling.

Now I became the narrator of this story (but I'm still Gary (except I'm really not)) and I decided to do a really long rant about alllllll the shit that annoyed me, because nobody wants that. Anyway, let's move on with it, shall we?

I really hate the troll genre, and can't stand when the genre I write gets feautured, but I write it anyway (isn't that nice?). Let's remember the only reason I ever started writing fanfiction was so that I would be recognized and praised enough that I could jack off to all the attention I was getting. Never once did I ever devote any amount of time to a fanfiction that would be forgotten (regardless of how popular it got (this includes MLD, FO:E, Cupcakes (I mean, be honest, five or six years from now (assuming you're out of the fandom by then (and if you're not I'd give you another five or six (so around ten or twelve all around))) you're going to forget all about any fanfiction and not care anymore))) for fun, nope, just for attention.

Because without attention (remember now, if you take anything seriously you're a twit) I am just a lifeless shell of a human that withers away to the depths of the internet. That's why it's always smart (and never dumb) to parody other fanfiction, even if you're parodying a parody, or parodying a parody of a parody (remember, never be subtle about which fic you're parodying, you want to make it clear what you're trying to parody (I use parody in a general sense because (besides the parentheses) there isn't any real parody here). Also, always remember that if you write a parody, you will ALWAYS, ALWAYS be hated by a group that does not agree with your parody, and or finds it dumb. Remember, if you ever write a parody about someone or something in particular, it might be a good idea to duck for cover, because people get really pissed really fast (even if you're just trying to make a point (or joke around (or maybe even trying to show the problems with parodies)))), and watch out, if whatever or whoever you're parodying ever finds it, you're practically dead because (assuming they've found it) they're going to rip into it. Usually, they'll be lighthearted about it, but you can tell (remember to talk directly to the audience in a parody, or else it won't have the "you had to be there" comedic effect that is needed in every situation) when they're just sitting in front of the computer screen tapping the keyboard in hopes that somebody will share their view (which is exactly what this is doing (in a very poor fashion)).

Attention on the internet basically means the size that your penis is, that's why the above paragraph is such a block of text, so you'll skim over it and miss all the controversial stuff. God forbid I say anything that might offend of directly attack somebody else. ATTENTION IS EVERYTHING.

Why is there so much disdain toward everything that gets popular? Probably because anything that gets popular on the basis that it is not godlike is not worth the popularity. Too bad videos like "Charlie Bit My Finger" and users like "RayWilliamJohnson" (the least funny thing on the internet (next to this fic (always criticize your own writing, it makes you seem humble))) are the most popular things on the internet.

So, what exactly is the point of all this? Nothing, nothing at all. The whole point is that the more point you try to make the less you make. Why exactly? Because it's a dangerous world in the pony fanfiction land. Most of the time the "good" writers and authors tend to band together and compliment each other on how well they deconstructed a parody. Well it's not really that hard, considering it's a parody, so congratulations, if you want to try that I suspect you succeed in about four minutes.

Where is all this going? I don't know, but it's about to get ridiculously long and considerably boring so buckled your seatbelt we're about to take a magical ride into the land of meta, parody, and troll fanfiction that you have never experienced before because it will all be done in the form of ponies.

Without another word, I, Gary Stu, ripped open a portal to go back to Equestria, taking the ponies with me.

I placed the ponies in the land of ponyville and told them to start drawing paintings, and lots of them. Suddenly, patterns emerged. Twilight always included stars in her pictures, and Rainbow Dash always included small lines that indicated fast movement. Rarity always made fine and acute lines, while Pinkie always drew squiggles and nothing else. Fluttershy used very long, flowing lines that were very long.

Gary nodded as he watched the ponies draw, and after a few hundred drawings each he decided to take a piece of paper and incorporate all of the qualities that each pony put in their own drawings and exaggerated them all. The final picture was a large star that was drawn with fine and acute lines, colored in with extreme amounts of squiggles that didn't fill up all the space and on the outside of the star was a ridiculously long a flowing line that circled around the poorly drawn star a couple times. There were small, straight lines around the entire star, indicating it was moving quickly in every single direction possible.

Gary smiled and looked at his creation which clearly took the aspects of each ponies painting and exaggerated them to an extent where it would be quite obvious it had been done on purpose. Suddenly Rainbow Dash broke out into unbridled rage, and tore the piece of paper out of Gary's hands and ripped it to shreds. Gary frowned and did not understand why Rainbow Dash was so angry, for she had no reason to think that Gary thought her art was bad. It was no matter, Gary had other plans anyway.

Gary drew an exact replica of the drawing that had just been torn to shreds and had it displayed at the Ponyville open art show. Many of the ponies were familiar with the art styles of the mane 6 (note that I call them the mane 6 because writing out Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack is much to much work and since there is no other name that is given to the six ponies in the show I am forced to use the noncanon word/phrase mane 6 for the purpose of making the job of me typing this a bit easier) and the ponies laughed at such playful teasing towards the ponies they knew so well. In fact, it got so much praise that it was publicly displayed in the Museum of Equestrian Art.

Upon being placed in the museum, his art was critiqued by the finest pony artists. As a human, Gary was expected to draw with such stupidity. The artists hated the drawing, and although they were fully aware of the mane 6's quirks with art, they did not think that such an atrocity belonged in the museum and threw hate in its direction. They did not understand how anypony, or even a human such as Gary (but he's an alicorn now), could be placed in a museum that was meant for only the most highly praised and quality art. They said that the painting was just bad art, and calling it a parody was simply a ploy by Gary to achieve the amount of praise and attention he was obviously fishing for. They called the painting bad art just as John Cage called his song 4'33 music. In both instances, John Cage and Gary Stu, the critics went up in rage because they could not bare to see something that was so simple and stupid receive so much praise and recognition.

What is the point of writing a parody of a parody of a parody anyway? What is the point of writing a parody of a parody? Is there really any point to pointing out the flaws and stupidity of something that is pointing out flaws in stupidity in the same fashion that the first one or one before it did, and in the process simply reuse some of the qualities contained in the parody that the parody is parodying or maybe even a parody of a parody decides to parody using satire instead of parody, because contrary to popular belief a parody is a humorous or satirical imitation of a serious piece of literature or writing while satire is the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc, and although the two can be considered synonyms it is imperative to remember that a parody is like a play that uses the same characters of a another play, tweaking their traits and exaggerating them, while satire is simply ridicule of a play, such as making another play for the purpose of pointing out that the original playwrite was a complete moron, especially when they use run on sentences as long as this one.

Gary Stu knew that the difference between a troll fic and a parody was that a parody does not stray from the parent material. Gary decided to take a look at a troll fic and a parody in hopes that he would find conclusive proof to his suggestions. So within the parody he currently wrote, he wrote a parody of his own parody and paralleled it to a troll fic that he also placed in the parody of the parody of the parody of what was probably another parody.

Thus, he wrote this troll fic:

SO 0ne day in the magicul lund of Questria a man name LOLPOOP decide he go and hav lots of fon in da Ponyville. Woithoug even thiking about what he awas doing he jumped into the magicla land and he entered it and when he landed he found da poines by da name of da Twilight spurkeld nad he wents up to her and she saids to his she saids I know how to get to the bathroom from here andden the man hoo came frum the magical land called eath he syas okmay show me hows to gets form this place to the bathroom cause I cavent been to itz in a longt timeeee nad sometimes whe I'm realyl timereds and I really need some sleep adn my bladdde is likes all full and stuzz i go to the potty in my pants and I unzip my zipperrrr and i shoot a massiv streeeeem of jizzz out of it and it all like oamgaodgkmok and everyone all oloike oaidgjalksjg look at all the JIZZ!!!! and den everybody gets da cover in ma jizz and dey all like ah ma goooooodddddd i am haz cover in jizz of dis guy and really i don't meeen to jizz but it jus happin and sometim i wondur if aybeee i hhould actully be shooootin da urin outta ma plac underneeth da sipper of ma pantalones but den i say naw dat is jus stoopid and den i com here and i meetz ya twilioght i meeta ya righty here and yous go aheads and yous tell me dat all dis time you knews how to gets frum here to da bathyroom and i is ever so grateful twalot i is ever so greatfull.

And so talight decides dat shes a goon a take dis pony dat she founded on her doorrryyy steped and she takeded him and she saided to himsy "I (know) dat (you) want (to) (go) to da bathyroooom but I has to say that you can't and dat is why I am going to lok the doar and you canootsz get intos it and i qwill laf and laffff and you will be all like oh ma gawd ik havz no wheres to go to da bathyroom and dat means oh no ima piss ma pantsies. So den da pony is all like
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO NO NON ON ONONON N N NON ON ON ON ON ON ON ON ON NNOONONO N NONONON ONO NON ON ON ON ON ON OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM and den after he is done wit da tyelling and da hollerin he syas omg twalot why do you does this does this does this to meez and she sayd dat she is actually changeling queen omg what a twist holy shit and dne twilight decided dat she is dun with bein twilot and she turneded intu da changeling queen and den da queen Chrysalis or soething says to the pony she says you hav been a vry bad poyn and spanks him seveny for tims and says that he is very very bad bad bad bad abd abd abd abd bad bad bad bad pony and she kick him in da donkey and snd him offfff to the magicl land of hell where he meets mr.satan pony and mr.satan is all like wtf are you and da pony says he says he says I am pon and mr.satan says ima kill you but da pony had not goned to the bathyeromm and he says "oh no' and strts to feel something a comin and he says watch out mister satan its aout to gt omg licious in hither and satan is all like omg oh nooooo and den before he can go anywayd else da pony unleeshes all the piss that he haded been savined ups for over twenty thousand yeres and it go all over da saten and saten says OGAIJDG:B ADJ DSKJ VCK JADKJSAVE ME I AM DROWNING FLKA and den he drwons in da piss so da mister nice pony guy who now dont has no more jizz no more he says to da dead stan he says you are ded now so I am da stan and I says dat i is not ded but i is alive and not ded but alive and not ded and so he was notte ded anymur so he came back to da ponyville and trotttt up to da chrisalis and says you xda meanieest ponie evar and den he kicked her into da face and she all like "Gargel" and den she says "You has defeat me dis time pony but I willz be back and whens I comes to the back you will find out dat not only have I is twent ey stronger but I also has very long neack bwahahaha and den she leaveded and it was omg awesome adn lolol and rofl worthee becaz dat pony namee wus da Gary Stu and he das teh most awesomest pony i hasz evur seendid.

Gary Stu looked at the atrocity he had created, and thought to himself, if he were to call that a parody of troll fics, it wouldn't work at all. Because whilst writing it he had the direct intention of creating the most eye-bleedingly bad fic of all time. He then decided to write a parody of the parody he was already writing, located below.

A pony named Sunflower Sunshine was writing a story. She decided that it would be a great idea to write a story that has no point other than to seemingly be completely against parodies of parodies when she was writing one herself. Wait, wasn't the story she was writing a parody of a parody of a parody that basically was against the thing it was? How ironic. What was the point, was this story going to change anything. No, it wasn't, and Sunflower Sunshine knew that this was true. Writing a parody of a parody of a parody only meant that the parodier is so unsure of his own parody that he must go to great lengths to find some sort of cause in his parody. Sometimes, it didn't seem like any points were being made at all, except for pointing out that one parody or the next was stupid and how no reasons.

Obviously, Gary Stu ended the parody here, because that would be appropriate. Suddenly, it dawned on him that TrOlL fIcS wErEn'T aBoUt RaNdOm CaPiTiLiZaTiOn but the use of incoherence and randomness. Thus, this fic:

SO 0ne day in the magicul lund of Questria a man name LOLPOOP decide he go and hav lots of fon in da Ponyville. Woithoug even thiking about what he awas doing he jumped into the magicla land and he entered it and when he landed he found da poines by da name of da Twilight spurkeld nad he wents up to her and she saids to his she saids I know how to get to the bathroom from here andden the man hoo came frum the magical land called eath he syas okmay show me hows to gets form this place to the bathroom cause I cavent been to itz in a longt timeeee nad sometimes whe I'm realyl timereds and I really need some sleep adn my bladdde is likes all full and stuzz i go to the potty in my pants and I unzip my zipperrrr and i shoot a massiv streeeeem of jizzz out of it and it all like oamgaodgkmok and everyone all oloike oaidgjalksjg look at all the JIZZ!!!! and den everybody gets da cover in ma jizz and dey all like ah ma goooooodddddd i am haz cover in jizz of dis guy and really i don't meeen to jizz but it jus happin and sometim i wondur if aybeee i hhould actully be shooootin da urin outta ma plac underneeth da sipper of ma pantalones but den i say naw dat is jus stoopid and den i com here and i meetz ya twilioght i meeta ya righty here and yous go aheads and yous tell me dat all dis time you knews how to gets frum here to da bathyroom and i is ever so grateful twalot i is ever so greatfull.

And so talight decides dat shes a goon a take dis pony dat she founded on her doorrryyy steped and she takeded him and she saided to himsy "I (know) dat (you) want (to) (go) to da bathyroooom but I has to say that you can't and dat is why I am going to lok the doar and you canootsz get intos it and i qwill laf and laffff and you will be all like oh ma gawd ik havz no wheres to go to da bathyroom and dat means oh no ima piss ma pantsies. So den da pony is all like
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO NO NON ON ONONON N N NON ON ON ON ON ON ON ON ON NNOONONO N NONONON ONO NON ON ON ON ON ON OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM and den after he is done wit da tyelling and da hollerin he syas omg twalot why do you does this does this does this to meez and she sayd dat she is actually changeling queen omg what a twist holy shit and dne twilight decided dat she is dun with bein twilot and she turneded intu da changeling queen and den da queen Chrysalis or soething says to the pony she says you hav been a vry bad poyn and spanks him seveny for tims and says that he is very very bad bad bad bad abd abd abd abd bad bad bad bad pony and she kick him in da donkey and snd him offfff to the magicl land of hell where he meets mr.satan pony and mr.satan is all like wtf are you and da pony says he says he says I am pon and mr.satan says ima kill you but da pony had not goned to the bathyeromm and he says "oh no' and strts to feel something a comin and he says watch out mister satan its aout to gt omg licious in hither and satan is all like omg oh nooooo and den before he can go anywayd else da pony unleeshes all the piss that he haded been savined ups for over twenty thousand yeres and it go all over da saten and saten says OGAIJDG:B ADJ DSKJ VCK JADKJSAVE ME I AM DROWNING FLKA and den he drwons in da piss so da mister nice pony guy who now dont has no more jizz no more he says to da dead stan he says you are ded now so I am da stan and I says dat i is not ded but i is alive and not ded but alive and not ded and so he was notte ded anymur so he came back to da ponyville and trotttt up to da chrisalis and says you xda meanieest ponie evar and den he kicked her into da face and she all like "Gargel" and den she says "You has defeat me dis time pony but I willz be back and whens I comes to the back you will find out dat not only have I is twent ey stronger but I also has very long neack bwahahaha and den she leaveded and it was omg awesome adn lolol and rofl worthee becaz dat pony namee wus da Gary Stu and he das teh most awesomest pony i hasz evur seendid. (typed again because you didn't read it the first time)

wasn't actually a troll fic at all, it was its own genre (poop), just like parody in the form of imitation was its own thing. Suddenly, something dawned on Gary. No matter how hard he tried or what he did, there would always be someone trying to seek attention from attention. It was inevitable.

Gary shook his head and realized that the only thing that mattered now was not giving a shit any longer, so he spent the rest of the day with the ponies.

First he sewed a 7 onto an 8 with Rarity, and then he flew around with DASH and he decided that it would be best if he stayed away from Twilight while she read because reading is BORING AS FUCK AND SOMETHING YOU SHOULDN'T DO (HAHA FUCKING IRONY) and then he decided to care for animals with Fluttershy and party with Pinkie Pie.

After all that fun stuff, he came back and decided that maybe writing such a long a pointless parody of absolutely nothing that would do nothing but get more hate out of the hate he was already getting was a bad idea, but then he realized that he wasn't looking for praise or for attention, but just looking to get out his main point.

That sometimes, when you take pony fanfiction too seriously, you realize you and I are both wasting a lot of time complaining about something that doesn't really change anything. Also, it leads to parodies of parodies of parodies of parodies, and that's just pointless, because when you parody a parody you're really parodying the fact that you're an idiot because you can't parody a parody unless you poke direct fun at the fact that you are not gaining popularity and others are, and therefore those that agree with you will make sure that you are agreed with and suddenly nobody gives a shit anymore.

There is no longer any point to parodies of meta fanfiction, because everything that can be said has been said. Besides, meta actually means a column or post, or a group of columns or posts, placed at each end of a racetrack to mark the turning places or pertaining to or occupying two positions in the benzene ring that are separated by one carbon atom.

Fanfiction can never be written for fun, only for attention. NUMBER ONE RULE.

Thus, at the discovery of the first rule of fanfiction, Gary decided to make a list of rules that pertained to fanfiction.

1) Fanfiction can never be written just for fun, only for attention.
2) If your story is not perfect, it will be hated
3) The more popular a story is, the more hated and overrated it will become
4) If your story makes the featured box with a random tag, it does not deserve to be there
5) More sophisticated words will mean a higher quality story
6) Never, EVER, EVER, make an OC pony that is an alicorn
7) As you gain more followers, your new stories will slowly "lose their quality"
8) The more attention you receive, the more ridicule you will receive
9) Comedy is never good unless the writing is good
10) Stupidity cannot be comedy
11) The more agreeable your fic is, the better it is
12) Shipping is only good when its caked with good writing and a plot
13) Stories without cover pictures are to be shunned
14) If a less serious piece of fanfiction receives praise, take it seriously.
15) Never hesitate to hate on popularity
16) Always mask hate with lightheartedness
17) Do everything you say you shouldn't do
18) Never take pony fiction as a trivial matter
19) Do what I do and blow everything out of proportion
20) Do not leave constructive criticism when you downvote a story
21) No matter what, you will always look for praise
22) Do NOT write meta

And thus, pleased with his work, Gary Stu pet Rainbow Dash who curled up on his lap. He was happy, and decided to go back to Ponyville where he would reflect on every bit or irony he just typed. Irony is the incorrect word.