Why Won't You Make Me A Pony?
Late at night, in a dark room you lay in bed crying. Your life was miserable on Earth, you wanted to live in the perfect world known as Equestria as a handsome stallion with a gigantic penis. A world where you just knew you would get all the sexy mares to fall in love with you.
"I hate my life! I hate Earth! I hate this universe! I hate being human! I hate my bed! I hate my pillow! I want to live in the perfect, magical land of Equestria!" you screamed to the heavens.
Your wish was granted by a loud zap, followed by your body fading away from existence.
You screamed in terror as you flew through a rainbow vortex. As you traveled through it you saw some windows into worlds such as; a world where everyone is a lobsterman, a world where everyone is a green jelly blob monsters and a world where everyone is Mel Gibson.
You closed your eyes when suddenly blinding white light flashed before you. A second later, you felt a strange sensation as if you were lying in bed again, curiosity got the better of you when you decided to open your eyes. When you opened your eyes you saw a winged purple unicorn creature staring at you with wide eyes from across the room. You knew this creature to be Princess Twilight Sparkle, because she was your fetish. Aside from your fetish, you noticed you appeared to be in some sort of castle.
"Oh… hello there random human interdimensional traveler. What brings-- you ran past her to open a window and gasped at the breath taking site of Ponyville below.
"Yes! I Anon, am finally in the perfect magical land of Equestria!" you shouted in joy.
"Well Anon, I wouldn't say perfect. After all, if Nightmare Moon had won it would mean--
"Shut up! In my head canon Nightmare Moon doesn’t even exist! Therefore Equestria is absolutely perfect!"
She stared at you with raised eyebrows."What? How can you---
"Why won’t you make me a pony? Make me a pony now! So I can rid of myself of my inferior human body to become a superior being!" you demanded.
"I’m sorry, Anon. But I can’t do that." You began jumping on the bed in protest. "Hey, stop jumping on my bed!" she shouted angrily.
"Why Twilight Sparkle?! Why?! Why can't you make me become a perfect pony with a massive cock?!" you shouted angrily.
"Because it’s against the law, you pathetic misanthrope!" she roared.
You gasped in shock. "How can this be?! Why would becoming a pony be illegal?!" tears began to form in your eyes."
"Because ponification is basically murder. As it stands, permanently transforming someone into another species completely rewrites their personality and many that had undergone it even forget who they were in the first place."
"But I hate myself, so I want to become a pony and forget everything!"
Twilight Sparkle sighed. "You really are a sad loser aren’t you?"
You jumped off the bed and pointed your finger at her angrily.
"How can you blame me! I’m an evil human! I always hated being human! All humans are evil! I want to become a pony and then find a way to transform myself into an alicorn so I can kill all humans!" Twilight simply stared at you with her mouth open in shock. "Why are you looking so surprised?!"
"How could you advocate xenocide against your own species?" she asked in a low voice.
"Because--
"I’ll tell you why!" she shouted angrily. "You spend too much of your time masturbating to pastel ponies, whilst you over glamorize ponies to the point that you think of us all as perfect, pacifist hippies that live in a world where nothing ever bad happens ever."
"But--
"But nothing! We’ve been invaded by evil Nicolas Cage aliens and evil counterparts of ourselves from another universe with no human fetish, who wanted to take our sexy humans away from us. And don’t get me started on the Justin Bieber aliens!"
"What?! None of that happened in the show?! Even in the parts I dismiss as non canon!"
"This is a different Equestria. Also FYI, the type of Equestria you are looking for does not exist! Well… maybe it does exist, but the idea of an absolutely perfect place of no conflict and where everyone is good and nice sounds like the most boring fucking place in existence!"
"Sure... it may be boring, but that is why that type of Equestria must assimilate all these imperfect worlds into it!"
"YOU KNOW WHAT?! FUCK YOU! JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS UNIVERSE! YOU’RE NOT WELCOME HERE MISANTHROPIC SCUM! I CAN’T BELIEVE I WAS THINKING ABOUT ALLOWING YOU TO CUM INSIDE ME!" she roared in the Royal Canterlot Voice.
"But Twilight… " tears began to form in your eyes, "you are my waifu! When I become a pony we were meant to marry and kill all humans together!"
"Sheppard!" roared Twilight in the Royal Canterlot Voice.
The door opened behind her, followed by the handsome human known as Commander Shepard walking in.
"Yes, my sexy pony?" he said sexfully while waving his eyebrows sexfully at her.
"Get this misanthropic scum out of here!" she shouted as she pointed a hoof at you.
"With pleasure milady."
With that Shepard walked toward you so he could punch you in the gut. You fell to the ground crying in pain. The next thing you knew you found yourself back in your own bed.
You began crying and masturbating over pastel ponies to cheer yourself up at your computer.
The End
