contingent

Rainbow woke suddenly, screaming. She looked around and quickly realized she was in one of the castle's spare rooms. it was a dream. She wasn't back in the basement. Flare wasn't there. She was fine. Everything was fine.

She wiped her face, feeling some wetness. She had been crying at some point in her sleep. A knock resided from the door.

"Rainbow?" It was Twilight. "You Ok?"

"Yeah. I'm... Fine. Everything's alright."

"... I heard screaming."

"I'm Ok! Go back to bed."

"Alright... Just know that I'm right upstairs."

"I know. I'm fine."

The broken made could hear hoof steps leaving. She looked at the clock, four forty-two am. Not feeling like sleeping anymore, she opted to take a nice shower. Rainbow got up and and went to the connected bathroom to her room. She started the water and gazed at herself in the mirror.

She didn't like what she saw. Mane was a huge mess, red puffy eyes, a broken wing. She looked terrible.

"Ugh." This was the worst she had ever felt. She could at least try washing it all away. The cyan mare stepped into the shower and just stood there. She didn't know exactly how long she was there, maybe hours, before she finally washed herself.  Getting out, drying off, and making her way back to the room she found it was already seven am.

Her stomach made empty sounds, demanding attention. Guess it was time for breakfast. Making her way to the kitchen she found Spike making eggs and toast.

"Morning, Rainbow. Sleep well the first night here? It took me some time getting used to it when we first got here."

"It was alright. Can't complain. You guys have a sweet setup here."

"Yeah, it's nice. Want some?" He indicated the food. Rainbow nodded and went to sit at the reasonable sized table in the corner, compared to the dining hall. Spike brought breakfast over and joined her. It was really nice, waking up, eating breakfast, and seeing friends. Twilight came in a few minutes later.

"Morning you two." She said with a smile whilst grabbing breakfast and joking them.

"Morning, Twilight!" Spike chirped.

"Sleep good?" The princess asked as Spike nodded. "Rainbow?"

"Yeah." She answered flatly, nibbling some toast.

"You sure?"

"Yes. I'm sure."

"I don't know. I heard -"

"I slept just fine!" She bursted out, slamming her hoof on the table. Spike and Twilight froze, staring at her. "I'm going for a walk."

Rainbow left, not even looking back. She wanted some fresh air. That'll help. The mare left the castle and started to walk. She didn't have a destination in mind, she just wanted to be moving. She didn't really mean to shout like that. Maybe she was snippy because of the lack of sleep. But they all keep asking.

Everyone always bugging her. 'Are you alright?' 'Want to talk?' 'Everything Ok?'

It annoyed her... Why though? They were just trying to help. Right?

"Rainbow!"

She looked up to see Soarin. She had somehow managed to make her way to the outskirts of town, no wonder it was quiet.

"Hey."

He landed next to her and joined her walk. "How ya doing? I was just coming by to see ya. I told Spit about your... Situation, and she said you have a guaranteed spot in the next level training camp we hold."

Her face lit up. "Really!?"

"Of course. We'll always bend some rules for you, Dash."

"Thanks. This means the world to me."

"I figured. So you didn't answer me, how you doing?"

She shrugged. "Alright, I guess."

"Want to... Talk about it?' He ventured.

"Why?”

“Just thought you would want to talk. That's what everyone usually asks those who're... In troubled times.”

"I'm not in 'troubled times."

"Maybe not troubled but had something bad happen. I just figured talking was nice or something."

"Well I don't want to talk. It's stupid."

"Have you talked with anyone yet?"

"No!" She stopped walking and got angry. Soarin, shocked and slightly scared, shrunk under her venting.

"Why does everyone want me to talk about it!? That's not gonna make it go away! It's not going to change anything! It still happened! None of you know what it’s like. Me telling everyone isn’t gonna fix everything like you all think it will. I don't even know anymore. I just!" She stopped, realizing that her anger tyrant had turned into her crying.

She didn't even know why or when. She just kind of started. She was furious a second ago. Now she was crying, something she already hated doing. It was weakness. And she was doing it in front of somepony.

She looked up and saw a scared, awkward Soarin standing there. Staring.

"Uh..."

"I'm sorry!" She sniffled turning away from him. "I didn't mean to yell at you. Yesterday too. I don't know what's gotten into me. I'm sorry." She sniffled again, wiping her face.

"It's fine. Really, I wasn't upset about it or anything.... Do you want to go get tissues or?

"No. I'm done. I'm done." She said, wiping the tears away and calming herself down. "Don't you dare tell anyone about this."

"You snapping at me?"

"No. That I, uh, started... Crying."

"Dash. Everyone cries. You're a pony."

"I don't cry. I'm Rainbow Dash."

"It's not healthy to keep emotions pent up, you know."

"I know..."

"Right, well. Headed home? I could walk ya there."

"I don't need help for every - "

"Just accept my help." Soarin said sternly.

Dash didn't say anything. She wanted to protest, but she opted to let it be. As the two walked back to the castle Rainbow didn’t say a word. She couldn’t believe she just did that. She just briefly bawled completely out of nowhere. If front of the Co-Captain no less. It was so embarrassing. Dash walked with her head down.

“I don’t see you as anything less for crying, you know.” Soarin spoke up.

“Huh?”

“You just seem like everyone would look at you different for some reason. You were trying to hide your crying earlier. Thought maybe it had something to do with your RD pride you got going on.”

“Yeah, well.” Irritated, she looked away.

“I just think you need to know that your friends won’t see you as some sniveling wreck if you just let some emotion show. It’s very normal.”

Rainbow sighed. He had good points. She was kind of being a brat. But talking with the others is hard. “I get what you’re saying. Uh, thanks.”

“Sorry. I’m really bad at this stuff. I’m not so good at getting what I’m thinking out. I guess what I’m trying to say is know that we’re all here and won’t judge. Yeah, that sounds good.”

Rainbow chuckled. “Thanks Soarin.”

Soarin returned the smile as they got to the castle. The two entered and found their way to the throne room, which functioned like a living room for all of them. Twilight was lounging with a book while spike was playing with a JoyBoy devise.

“Hey guys.” Dash said smiling, announcing  their presence.

“Hey, Rainbow. Soarin” Twilight greeted. “You seem better.”

“Much. It’s all good.” She awkwardly scratched the back of her head. “Sorry about earlier.”

“As long as you’re alright.”

“She’ll try and keep things in check. I’ll make sure of it.” Soarin added jokingly.

Rainbow playfully rolled her eyes as she went and sat on her throne. “Is there still food?”

“Yeah.” Spike spoke, not breaking eye contact with his game. “It’s in the fridge.”

“Good, I didn’t get to finish.”

“I’ll catch you guys later. And I’ll let Spitfire know you’re interested in the next training camp. It’s in three months so you got plenty of time.”

Rainbow was on her way to the kitchen. “Awesome, thanks.”

The two left their separate ways, leaving the princess and the dragon. Twilight went back to her book.

“She is all over the place. I just hope it gets better.”

“As long as she stops being a moody grump.” Spike said. “I don’t think I can handle that on a normal basis."

________________________________

A month has passed and the nightmares haven’t let up. At least once a night they would wake her up, a cold sweat, tears, and sometimes screaming. Dash wasn’t getting full nights of sleep. She didn’t even feel like doing anything because she was so tired all the time. Rainbow spent most of her time lounging around the throne room. Pinkie was nice and got Dash a bean bag chair for her to sit on instead of those thrones. That was a lifesaver. Rainbow would  be reading some of Spike’s comics or Daring Do and sometimes sleep in twenty minute increments in that chair.

Every other day they had to change the bandages on her wing. Only three more weeks until the bandages were off and the wing was healed. It felt good when her wing was uncovered, like it could breathe. But, like always, it had to be rebandaged. Being grounded was making everything so boring. When she would normally fly, she would have to settle for reading comics instead. Not that she had the energy for flying recently anyway.

Her general mood hasn’t been easy to control either. She’s had to bite her tongue on many occasions for wanting to snap at everypony. She couldn’t even remember why she was mad. Then she would be reading and feel happy and content but halfway through an issue she’d just feel 'meh' and just straight up sorrowful. No warning, no reasoning. It was starting to irritate her.

At the current moment though, Dash was leaning over her toilet. She hasn't been feeling good these past few days. The pegasus usually spent a few hours in the bathroom everyday recently, puking her guts out and when she wasn't doing that, she felt like it. She hadn't told anyone yet. She didn't want to worry anyone.

The young mare had already been up since five thirty this morning. She hadn't been keeping time. Its probably been a few hours since she first woke up with the need to release her stomach contents. .

Knocking could be heard from her bedroom door. 'Great.' She thought. Just what I needed right now. Company.'

"Rainbow? It's me, Twilight. You're usually up and about by now. We’re supposed to change your wing bandages.” She knocks again. “It's already nine thirty, are things alright?"

The sick pegasus was going to respond but before she could, another wave hit her and what little was in her stomach wanted to be back out again.

"Rainbow? ... I'm coming in." Twilight entered her guest's temporary room to find it empty. She proceed to the bathroom door to hear the retching. "Rainbow!? Are you Ok?"

"I'm fine." Dash had to stop speaking and focused on the toilet water, trying not to throw up again.

"Have you been in there all morning?" Twilight asked from the other side of the door.

"Kind of. Yeah."

"This isn't the first time, is it?"

Rainbow sighed. "No."

"I told you to stop hiding stuff and let us know what's going on! You could be seriously sick or something."

"I'm fine. I've been sick before. Isn't the first time I've been stuck to the toilet." Dash got herself together and stood up. She rinsed out her mouth in the sink.

"Have you been taking stuff for it?"

"Yeah, its not helping."Rainbow exited the bathroom, surprising the princess. "Just got to wait it out. It'll turn out fine."

"Rainbow. Please."

"What? It's fine." She chuckled. "Really. No need to worry about everything."

"We should still go to the doctor. Remember what she said? Come back if anything seems off."

"It's been nearly a month! I'm sure she didn't mean this far down the road."

"I beg to differ."

"I don't need to go."

Twilight huffed slightly with frustration. "Just to prove nothing's wrong then. To put my, and I'm sure the others, worries to rest." Rainbow didn't respond. "Please?"

The pegasus sighed. She didn't want to find out that something else was wrong. That she had to deal with yet another problem. But Twilight had a point. If something was amiss they needed to know sooner, rather than later.

"Fine.” She gave in. “But on one condition."

"What?"

"We stop for ice cream on the way." Rainbow began to leave the room.

The alicorn paused with some confusion."But we have some in the freezer."

"I already finished that last night."

"Already fini-? I just got that a few days ago!"

"I've been nibbling on it." Dash left.

"Nibbling!?"

________________________________

At the doctors office in Ponyville, Rainbow and Twilight sat in a room, waiting. The sick pegasus had answered all the questions, did everything the doctor asked, even peed in a cup. The two were just waiting now. Apparently they wanted to go run a few tests. Rainbow didn't like it.

"He already knows what's up. Why doesn't he just tell us?"

"He has an idea and he's checking if he's right. Quit making him sound like he's keeping secrets. He doesn't want to tell us in case he's wrong. No need for false scares."

"Whatever. I just want to go home. This is a waste of time."

"Quit being a grump. I already have to escort you here because I can't trust you to go on your own." Rainbow just sighed heavily. "You feeling alright?"

The multi-colored mare just shrugged. "Just light headed. That's been a normal lately anyway."

"Seriously? Why can't you let me know what's happening? We could've gotten you help days ago."

"Ok, mother." Rainbow responded sarcastically. "I didn't think I needed to report the stupid little things."

"Are nightmares something stupid and little?" The cyan mare looked at her, slightly surprised. "Its really obvious you have them. I can hear you every night while I'm up in the library."

"They're not important."

"Rainbow."

Irritated she answered. "What?"

"This is serious. If you aren't going to open up to us then you should probably start seeing a therapist."

"A what!? No!"

"Then start helping yourself! Stop moping around. It's been hard for all of us to watch you lie there with a dead look in your eye. You don't do anything anymore. You wouldn't even go running with Applejack last week." Silence from the Pegasus. "We're all worried sick about you."

" ...... I'm sorry."

"I know things can't be easy for you. But we need you to try instead of hiding in your own problems."

Dash heavily sighed. After a few moments of silence she spoke up. "Every night I just end up being back in that basement as he tortures me. So I haven't really been sleeping. Which is probably why I haven't felt like really doing anything. On top of feeling like I'm just going to vomit all day and actually doing it from the butt-crack of dawn till hours later. That's been my past week. And then I'm starving but I can't get anything down. I've only been really able to eat at night." She finished with frustration.

"And it's been my ice cream."

"I've had a sweet tooth."

"Well, hopefully we'll get answers and you'll get proper medication or whatever is needed for recovery."

"Yeah... What's taking so long anyway? We've been here for hours!"

"It's been twenty minutes." Twilight deadpanned.

"Feels like hours."

The doctor entered the room minutes later with a clipboard. The two mares looked to him, waiting for his diagnosis.

"Sorry for the wait." He said. "Always want to double check with these things."

"So what's up, doc? Not dying am I?" Rainbow asked.

"Not at all. Quite the opposite actually."

"That's good, right? So what flu I got?"

The doctor handed the papers to the princess. "Actually, Miss Dash, you appear to be pregnant."

Rainbow's face fell. She was what? "No no no no. There's a mistake somewhere. Wh - when they had me in Canterlot they checked me for that!"

"It can sneak by in its first few weeks and go undetected. Quite common."

The cyan mare began to breathe heavy. "I can't. This is not happening."

Twilight stepped in. "Rainbow, calm down."

"Calm down!? Did you hear him!?"

The princess set a hoof on Dash's shoulder. "Don't panic. Everything will be Ok. We'll handle this. Thank you doctor, you've been a huge help. Come on Rainbow."

Twilight guided Rainbow out and they began the short trek home. Dash hadn't said a word the whole way. She was too busy inwardly panicking. A kid!? And it was... His? It sickened her. There was a piece of him growing in her.

They finally got to the castle and Rainbow felt like dying on the bed. But Twilight had other plans.

"So. Pregnant, huh? That explains a lot."

"Please don't say it aloud. I don't like to hear it."

Twilight guided her to the throne room where Rainbow plopped herself on the bean bag.

"It's not gonna go away by us not saying it.

"I just don't want it!"

"You Don't have to keep it."

"I know... But... It's his, Twilight. He fucking left me with a 'gift."

"Language. And don't think of it like that. There's a little pony in there with so much potential. You can give it away and life will go on. Just another obstacle. Show everyone how strong you are."

"I can't! I can't do this, Twilight! This isn't some bump in the road you can just drive over."

"Rainbow that's not what I meant. Just -"

"I'm going to lay down." With that she got up and left. She went and laid in bed wanting the world to go away.

How could this happen? Why?

Just go through with it and send the foal on its way. The end. Life goes on. Right? Right. That's what's going to happen. Everything will be fine.

... Right?