Depression & Adultery

I awoke screaming.

Celestia burst into the room to see me bawling like a baby.

She took me into her feathery cocoon,

holding me tightly in her arms,

bringing me into her breast while I wept.

Luna burst into the room after,

saying something about blocked magic.

She joined her sister in  hold me, saying,

'I'm sorry!' over and over again.

I used my other arm

to hold onto her as well.

She was crying, too.

'Idiot,' she whispered to herself.

'I'm such a useless, worthless idiot...'

that got my attention.

I don't know how Celestia didn't hear that.

Perhaps she thought she was saying sweet nothings into my ears.

It didn't matter.

She got my attention.

I was furious at her.

How could she say something like that?

I slapped her across her nuzzle.

"Don't you ever say that again, Princess Luna!"

'But if I-'

I slapped her upside the head this time.

Celestia only watched in shock.

"Don't you ever talk like that!

"Don't ever say that again, you hear me?!

"You are not worthless, Luna.

"You're not!"

I took a moment

to catch my breath,

and for Luna to come down

from being so startled.

Luna was crying too, now.

I pulled her face towards mine.

"You are the keeper of the night.

"Ponies sleep then. They sleep

"because they trust you, Luna.

"They sleep better

"than when you were gone,

because you can protect their dreams, Luna."

"You are wise and powerful.

"You fought in wars to defend this land.

"You are strong- stronger than I could ever be.

"You're strong enough to carry those memories.

"Through hundreds and hundreds of years."

"I mean, look at me.

What have I proven myself

other than an emotional parasite?

All I did was cling to Twilight

and use her as a secrueity blanket

because I can't handle myself.

"I had to use HER

"to take care of ME

"because I can't take care of MYSELF."

Luna and Celestia looked like their were about to respond,

but I kept going.

"What do I have to prove any more?

"What function do I have here?

"I was stupid enough

"that it took THAT

"for me to figure it out.

"I can't see what's in my own face, Luna.

"I am blind.

"I am weak.

"I am stupid.

"Now that Twilight has all my memories and technology,

"she can put them to use in Equestria

"without making the same mistakes my people did.

"I am totally useless to anyone, now, Luna.

"I am worthless.

"I am a freak.

"I.

"Am nothing."

They tried to cut me off again,

but I wouldn't allow it.

"You are the night, Luna.

"You are half the day,

"you are everypony's Lady.

"They are in awe of you, Luna.

"They fear you

"because they love you.

"Everypony loves you, Luna.

"You are the Butterfly of the night.

"You think that way

"because you can't see your own wings."

I grabbed her face

and held my forehead to hers.

"You are a gorgeous,

"beautiful Butterfly, Luna.

"I am nothing but a flea.

"A jumping,

"ugly-faced flea.

"Please.

"Just let me be.

"Don't try to save me, Luna.

"You have to let me go."

While I distracted her

with my charming words,

I moved too quickly for them to respond.

I grabbed her by the horn and plunged it into my throat.

That night, I almost broke my spell.

If Luna hadn't gone limp in her grief over me,

I might have put her horn deep enough in me to break the suicide ward.

I had failed again.

I lay there in the psych ward.

Eyes dull as rocks.

I lay there in a padded room-

since I kept trying to crack my head open with the floor.

I was put in a straight jacket

since I kept whipping my head back and forth as much as possible,

or trying to twist my head to break my neck.

I was given a couple of magical IVs

to preserve my body, since I refused to feed myself.

I had a catheter in,

since I tried to poison myself with my own pee.

I had a  special something-or-other device in the other exit

so I wouldn't kill myself with the same.

I had a cone on my head with holes in it,

since I tried to smother myself with the padded walls.

I was quite inventive when I wanted to be,

but they had me good, this time.

They just forced me to live.

Cadence would often come and talk to me.

I was more relaxed when she was around;

the tension in my shoulders lifted.

The sisters, too, made me feel better.

I nuzzled them as best I could.

A pony psychologist would see me.

It was a laugh, but she was a smart cookie.

I think she knew what she was doing in my head.

The more I talked, the less and less confused about me she seemed.

They slowly started taking the devices off me over the next few months.

For some odd reason,

I didn't want to die, anymore.

I just wanted to be with the princesses.

Especially Celestia.

She seemed so lonely.

I just had to be around her.

We talked about all sorts of things-

the Mane 5 would occasionally come up,

but we didn't talk about them much-

until they came to visit me.