Twilight stared down at her lap, a tear rolling down her face. The outside world would always reflect her pain, and there was nothing left for her to find comfort. How long would she be able to go on in this post apocalyptic world? How long before fate would finally catch up with her? And for how much longer would Spike pretend as if nothing was wrong? Every day he would come home, often bringing a flower or a similar gift, as if collecting the last remaining bits of nature would somehow change the fact that the world was dying.
The world was dying. This thought ate into her skin like a knife, just as painful as the last hundred times she had thought it, and as painful as the next hundred times would be. The world was dying. There was no getting around this fact. There was nothing she could do. It was the end. Everything... everything would be gone...
Why should she even keep pressing onward? A sigh escaped her lips. She knew the answer to this question. As long as Spike was alive, she couldn't allow herself to let go. She had to exist for him, for the last friend she had left... even though she found herself feeling less and less sympathy for the kid with every passing day. At least she was brave enough to accept the truth, but he? He was weak. And annoying. Far gone were the times where she had enjoyed his company, liked having him around. It was a morbid joke of destiny to curse her final days with the downfall of her last remaining relationship, as if witnessing the end of all things wasn't cruel enough.
In fact, if she was honest with herself, she had to admit that she was beginning to hate him. This spoiled brat of a dragon who wouldn't face the truth, who wouldn't leave her be when all she craved was solitude, who didn't even have the decency to show tears in front of her...
Yet, she still had to live on. It didn't matter how she felt about him, she had to do as much good for his life as she could. It was her final responsibility... but Celestia help her if she didn't wish she could at least play havoc with her stupid, useless home, that hated old tree who refused to change in the face of his dying surroundings, who didn't belong in a world this barren...
Knock. Knock.
Twilight opened her eyes. She could feel liquid dwelling up inside them, while a mixture of fear, pain, and shame was smothering any sensation of relief that might have stemmed from the realization that what she'd just been through hadn't been real.
“Sorry, Spike,” she whispered into her pillow. It wasn't the first time that a dream had ignited true feelings of hatred inside of her, even bloodlust, arbitrarily directed towards one of her friends, and without so much as a hint of corresponding feelings in real life. But the fact that it had happened before was hardly a consolation... just as the knowledge that it wasn't her fault didn't seem to stop the throbbing waves of guilt from assaulting her... pulsing throughout her body at every waking moment...
Knock Knock Knock.
Twilight jerked upwards. Somehow, the aftermath of her nightmare had kept her from realizing that, if someone was knocking, it stood to reason that somepony was outside. Gradually, a nauseous taste in her mouth, she slid off the bed and shuffled towards the source. Once she recognized the barely visible silhouette of the pony outside, however, she lit her horn and dragged the window open as fast as she could.
Without wasting her time on a greeting, she pulled Rainbow Dash closer, locking their lips in a calm but passionate kiss. She tried to put many unspoken emotions into the gesture, and though she didn't say anything, Twilight knew that Rainbow understood her, just like she always did. When their lips parted, Twilight simply rested her brow against her friend's, searching for solace in the tranquility of the moment, like a shield from the still gruesomely looming memories at the edge of her mind.
“I had a horrible dream,” she whispered eventually. “I needed this. Thank you.”
“I think I needed it too. Do you want to talk about it?”
“Yeah.” Twilight closed her eyes, focusing on the sensation of the other mare's breath against her face. “But not yet. I need to process it first... if only for a little while...”
She pulled back, turned around, and switched on the light; the sudden brightness feeling like an unnatural and almost scary intruder into their surreal moment. Although she didn't even know why Rainbow had chosen to visit her in the middle of the night, her mind was still too caught up with her own emotions for her to bring herself to ask.
“I need a cup of tea,” she mumbled. “Do you want one too?”
“Yeah.”
“Stay close.” Her eyes shut, Twilight slowly descended the staircase, only throwing out a glance every now and then, just like she sometimes used to do it when she was younger. The library was more of a home to her than her apartment in Canterlot had ever been, and she knew her way around better than at any other place in the world.
While she was going through the well known motions, the feeling of surreality finally declined, at least far enough for her to give Dash a halfway normal smile when she poured her a cup and hoofed it over.
“Sorry... I knew you came here for a reason and I totally loaded my own troubles onto you. What's up?”
“Well...” Dash's voice cracked. “I know you will understand this, even though it's silly... or at least I really hope you will...” She stocked. “You... you know how... how I don't want anypony except you and Flutters to know how much I've been hurt by my past breakup?”
Twilight nodded.
“And... you know how I'm always trying to hide my sensitive sides from most ponies?”
Twilight nodded again.
“Well, I... I know this is silly, but... it's just...” She clenched her teeth. “... Celestia. And... Luna.”
“Oh.” Understanding immediately, Twilight walked around the table and hugged her marefriend's body from the side. “That's not silly at all, Rainbow.”
“Eh... there was no reason to come and bother you in the middle of the night because of it...”
“The day you're worried about something and don't come to me because you're afraid how I'll react or that you'll disturb me is the day I know our relationship begins to crumble. I hope that day never comes.”
“So you're saying I'm... right to feel this way?”
Twilight walked back around the table, dragging her stool next to Rainbow's before she sat down again. “There is no right or wrong. Sure, a perfect pony wouldn't worry about it, since neither Celestia or Luna will ever do something that'll cause negative consequences for you based on what they know about your life, but a perfect pony wouldn't have to send letters in the first place, now would she?”
“It's so...” Rainbow shuddered, and she couldn't seem to suppress a sob. “... stupid. I never even considered that somepony is reading these. I swear, I never... never thought about that. I just wrote them like a diary. And then, tonight, I was thinking about how I want to show you the last one I wrote, which I didn't even want Flutters to see, and how you'll be the only pony to read it, and then I realized... they know everything. Not even just the letters. Luna visits other ponies' dreams, for Pete's sake. She... everything, I... it's so... humiliating to think about...”
Twilight nodded. “I don't have a solution for you. You'll simply have to learn to live with it. You can stop sending letters if you want, but it won't change anything... not really. Nopony has the power to hide her privacy from the princesses; every last detail can and likely will be revealed, no matter how intimate. Luna isn't just visiting a few ponies' dreams every night; she has to watch over them all to find out where she is needed, and Celestia has century old powers of observation. She could probably tell many ponies things about their lives which they don't even know themselves, just by talking to them for a few minutes. You'll just have to exclude both of them, and be satisfied with hiding your privacy from everypony else. That's the only advice I can give you. It... it worked for me...”
“But why am I even so concerned... what other ponies think... I shouldn't care... why does it matter what anypony except you thinks of me... none of them really know me anyway, except for Flutters... and the other girls, a little bit...”
“Everypony has flaws, Rainbow. Yes, this is one of yours. Don't hate it, don't push it away from you. Be true to yourself and embrace it... and then, if you want, you can try to work on it, bit by bit...”
“Yeah...” Rainbow's lips twitched. “I should probably write a letter about that...”
Twilight giggled. She reached over with a front limb, gently making contact with Rainbow's. Neither of them found any more sleep that night, but morning still seemed to arrive too soon...
Sensually seeking the sweet seduction of slumberous... uhm, shuteye?
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Sensually seeking the sweet seduction of slumberous... uhm, shuteye?
The most unpleasant sound in the world pulled Rarity out of a place full of calamity and peace. Within the few, precious moments before the second dissonance of a ruthless ringing noise assaulted her ears, she desperately clung to those final images of her fading subconsciousness, not wanting them to slip away. Only upon enduring a third dispatch of unpleasantness did she opt to give in, silencing the ruthless intruder with a sullen jolt of telekinesis.
Sighing ever so deeply, Rarity buried her fuzzy muzzle into the sweet, sweet pillow, the tip of her horn pressing against the fluffy mattress. Allowing herself a few more moments of ephemeral tranquility, she gradually prepared for the inevitable: her eyes squeezed shut, she steadily reached out with her magic, intending to remove her sleeping mask. Halfway during this task, however, she stopped. A thought was tapping against the surface of her mind... was it possible... but surely such a mistake would not happen to her; after all, she was a mare who knew how to keep her things in order. Yet... the way she recalled it... and today would be... with their weekly picnic being three days ago...
A beat. A breath. No... there was no doubt... she had made a mistake, just this one time. But that would mean...
The realization sunk in, carrying as much grace as the first rays of sunlight on a beautiful summer day, that would crawl over her skin, warming her with the most pleasant of tickles, harbingers of a new season full of grandeur and beauty. Her mind at ease, her heart filled with joy and gratitude, her fatigue no longer a closed door whose temptation had to be resisted, but a wonderful promise, urging her to seek it out among the path of calmness and tranquility, an invitation which she was ever so eager to follow.
With a filly-esc squeal, Rarity slid back under her covers, comely caressing the cuddly cot of cozy comfortableness, the unprofane temple of genial snugness. Shall dear Rainbow Dash have her fabulous mane, a silent display of natural beauty which she had always silently envied. Shall Twilight have her magic, her life full of bloom and wonder. Shall the rich have their wealth, the famous their glory, the princesses their kingdoms. It mattered little, for she had something which overshadowed it all. The singular, unrivaled, and unfathomable joy of being able to go back to sleep after waking up early, after a night cut far too short, without any thoughts of missed appointments staining her conscience, and upon having come to terms with the prospect of standing up. Try as she might, Rarity was not able to recall a single moment in her past when she had been so wholeheartedly content with her life, so unadulteratedly, genuinely happy.
Turning around under her covers, she snuggled against the mattress with all of her heart. Three minutes later, she was out like a light.
