A Cosmic Joke

by Arroz

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Adventure
Length: 3653

A Human Starlight Glimmer, enters a new world, and with her ambitions reaching well beyond the sky, ponykind might never be the same.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-22 04:27:37 UTC

Chapter 1: (I should have reincarnated as a star bear)

Chapter 1

(I should have reincarnated as a star bear)

Have you ever looked to the sky and hoped that everything would be all right if we could just reach beyond it and make whatever was on the other side our own?

I sat, making sure that i was at least comfortable, my bag lay off to the side, not that I cared at the moment, school was due to start in an hour anyway, and no one’s used this locker room in a while.

Deep breaths…

It had been the fifteenth time I'd gone here, most places had been taken up as the school year wore on. I tried the top of the school, didn't work, tried staying in the room after school, didn't work. then I got a tip from Lunch lady Smith, one of the older locker rooms, from when the school used to have P.E in the open field out back.

Luckily, the locks had been rusted over, not that it mattered much, they were due to break any day. Upon getting inside, it was a matter of borrowing some cleaning equipment, and making the place feel like home.

Another day, same routine, wake up, go to school, go home, watch the news because of Political Science class... It all seems the same doesn't it, high school, misunderstood, with big dreams and a heart for the future.

It’s all the same on TV, and by the looks of it, it doesn't seem to get any better, same Wars, same countries, same crises, same issues.

You can only watch the same thing so many times before you go insane, or come to terms with it all.

Again, breathe, just like what the books said, I never was one for losing my temper, always favored either finding a better way to deal with things or better still finding a means to slip away and inform the authorities before any one got hurt.

Meditating can do wonders, especially if you know how to get into it.

The bell rang, and I finally gave in, noting that my meditation had been abruptly ended, not that it mattered, I would be back at the end of class anyway. Taking stock of my inventory I got up, and made my way into the school proper.

Perhaps something new would happen today.

…..

It was a nice quiet day in Canterlot High, students went about their way, teachers bustled in and about the sun shone like she had never done so before and all was right in the world.

Well, at least to everyone else, me? not so much.

My name is Lucille Mark, or rather was Lucille Mark. I still am- legally, at least on paper. Apparently changing your name isn't that easy. Not that i care, who I am is who I choose to accept as my moniker.

Got lost once, met a nice old guy who gave out these pamphlets, pretty standard New Age stuff, touched a bit on stuff I’d heard in World Civilization class, cycles, karma, Like I said, standard New Age stuff.

Though, I’d gone out of my way to choose a hippie name, didn't bother my parents, nor did it my grandparents,since they were hippies to at some point.

So I’d better get to introducing myself all over again.

My name is Starlight Glimmer, and today, things are going to change, for the better or for worse I  don’t really know or care, well I probably care, but hey who knows whats bound to happen right?

For some reason I feel quite confident today, I don’t know, maybe it’s the food, maybe it’s the sun, or maybe it’s something else entirely one things for sure.

I feel as good as new.

“Hey Luce, wanna hang out?” A girl said, I don't know her but she is really pretty with her very large blond hair with a lighter shade of gold highlights in her hair, must be dyed I thought. She was flanked by two other girls

I smiled, yep perhaps a change of routine

“Sure, just let m-” I was interrupted by her laughing along with her two friends.

“Just kidding,” she said cruelly giving a smirk and a laugh as her and her friends leave.

I slumped, alright, maybe this new leaf thing wasn't so easy. I moved to gather my things before making a beeline for the usual spot.

Figures things would seem to look up before being shot down..

….

And so here I am, sitting in the usual spot, nursing a minor cut I got for running, I got at least a few books scattered here and there, mainly for the test tomorrow, not that I care, it’s finals week, at least for the program, history book out front, sociology in another, and a plethora of other things, I've been looking into in my spare time

Beside me a laptop sat, simple enough, same lecture plays over and over again, though if it were me then I’d probably close that and watch Battlestar Galactica, or Star Wars, or Star Tr- well you get the idea, anything space or future themed,

I've been poring over these same pages again and again, at first I’d been quite, interested in certain periods of history, mainly the usual thing the more … politically active students would rally around, revolutions, social inequalities, the works.

Though in my opinion they should have at least done their little demonstrations somewhere where their words actually were gonna matter.

Canterlot was a fairly peaceful city, not big enough to count as the state capital, but just big enough to matter in the small scale, their actions were running poor mayor Ivory ragged.

Last I checked, she had to take medication to ease the stress or she could collapse from it all. Kinda why I hate the bastards anyway, and mostly why I’d rather not join their little demonstrations,

Though the way I see it, if we just had the right tools and infrastructure there wouldn't be much complaining now would there?

Then again the stuff that would probably help us is light-years ahead of anything we have now, it’s not like we have magic right?

My thoughts ground to a halt, a familiar headache forming, perhaps i was stressing myself out, I needed to rest, maybe meditating a bit would help.

As I got into the usual pose, I took a deep breath, they always said that you had to reach a state of thinking about nothing, clear your mind, and all will be well, the usual rules. though I don't think I can clear my mind when I have my Finals tomorrow.

Funny, I thought I heard something for a moment there.

Maybe I just need to sleep a little…

Just a moment to rest my eyes…

Funny, feels like I’m walking on air right now.

Meanwhile-

Twilight had just arrived to Canterlot High, she looked around a bit in a daze at her surroundings, getting a closer look at herself, she found she had changed rather drastically. while she was too busy freaking out behind her something had zipped into the portal.

…..

Drifting, that's what I felt like, as if I was on a bed made of liquid silk, floating in air like I was being pulled along.  Was this what they called being in Nirvana? If so it was amazing, it's no wonder why lots of people flocked to this stuff.

I never wanted to leave

Then with a jolt, I awoke with a crash. Figures the ride wouldn't last long.

Falling onto ones face isn't pleasant, I’ll tell you that right now, because it hurts a lot, your own weight, and I'm not calling myself fat or anything, pushes on to what unfortunate part of you hits the ground first. I’d fallen similarly before, granted I knew the pain of falling face first by heart,

I stood up, my face hurt after my landing, my eyes were blurry from the pain, and I looked around, so far I couldn't tell any difference from where I was, but once my vision cleared I noticed that I was in fact not home, either was i in school, for starters, there weren't any large forests around my small home, at least not in the neighborhood I live in.

Second I was breezier compared to what it was before, and last, the limb I was using to hold my pained nose was in fact not a hand, but rather a hoof…

I screamed, I mean who wouldn't? I have a freaking hoof attached to my hand! and it wasn't coming off!

But that wasn't the only shocking part, “I’m Naked!” I yelled out to the heavens about my plight and demand something to cover myself in.

After a moment to calm down, with some rationalization that didn't make much sense, but calmed me down, and shake off any freaking out for later, I took a good look at myself.

I was a light pink horse, I think, I felt too small to be a horse, a pony maybe?

I patted my head, something in the middle of my head, when I touched it I get a little dizzy, a horn?

So I was a pony unicorn. “Adorable I must be.” I chuckled a bit, I searched around, to get the feel of my mane, after realizing that touch might’ve not been enough i moved to a nearby river.

Funny, I look absolutely adorable, though the ribbon would have to go, it didn’t feel… right, reaching out back, I wondered if there was any way to get the damn thing off. well at least I felt like I could grip things, I felt around for the loose end, feeling an odd urge at the tip of my hoof I “gripped” before pulling the thing off entirely.

I let my mane flow down, and with the same ribbon tied the ends in a more of a loose ponytail, heh ponytail.

Looking in the water I saw in my reflection an older me, well at least if it looked like an older Unicorn me, but it seemed like I was shrinking, I put a hoof to my face, “I feel tingly.”

Well at least my voice is the same, I’ll give the universe that at least.

Its so strange thing to seeing yourself age backwards. I wondered if this was how that detective kid felt like?. But eventually the shrinking stopped, heh if I was a bit groggier I might've thought that I found the fountain of youth or something.

“Whoa, trippy,” I said rather dumbfounded at the display.

Reaching a hoof into the water, I played with it a bit, feeling rather foolish, but I couldn't help myself, I simply wanted to find out if this was REALLY happening, and if it was I at least wanted to get comfortable with this form.

“That is so weird!” I yelped as I felt panic rising!

I looked around me, to see any signs of home anywhere, wait!

Mentally calming myself again, I brought up all the computing power I could muster, and I think I can muster a lot.

This might have been an out of body experience, but if that was so, then why wasn’t I a floating ghost staring at my body?  Or maybe this was an aspect of me, I did steer clear of most stuff in High School, and Unicorns are known for purity right?

Though part of my mind reasoned, this could have been another stage in the cycle of life and death, after all I had to go through all that floaty waviness in the cosmos. so perhaps, as a reward for how hard i strived and how optimistic i was, the Universe saw fit to reward me.

I sighed, of all the things I had to be a Unicorn. couldn't I have been something else? maybe I flunked on the requirements for total enlightenment, too much attachment. Couldn't I at least have been turned into a constellation? a star bear or something?

A roar interrupted my musings, I turned around, only to be greeted by another roar.

Behind me a bear stood, it must’ve been as tall as a two storey building! It roared again, momentarily disheveling my mane, though the most noticeable feature were the stars present all over it.

“Is this some sort of Cosmic Joke?”

The earth shaking roar that followed most definitely said no.

Chapter 2 ( Star bears are a thing?)

Chapter 2

( Star bears are a thing?)

You remember that thing in the Matrix where you could have anything minor downloaded into your head,  “I know Kung Fu” and all that?

Well that ain’t got shit on this

Theres nothing like a giant bear the size of a small mountain to suddenly help you learn how to walk and run faster then any teaching or learning naturally over time can, also really efficient method as I no longer tripped over each step, and was in fact galloping, because holy seabiscuit that thing is huge!

I ran like there was no tomorrow, the giant Star Bears paws were over my head, I could see the way up just up ahead, I was so close to freedom!

With a leap of faith I made it past clear of the giant paw, only to suddenly look down, way down, below me.

“This, this is gonna Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-”

I screamed again as I had fallen what felt like a hundred stories, hitting every tree branch along the way, though I supposed at least I should be thankful that I wasn’t as squishy as I used to be.

“Oomphf, Ow!” I said upon hitting the ground, I felt a sharp pain on my side,

“I think I broke something” I subtly turn my head to look above me, or something pierced me. So bruised, and hurting all over  I just lay there choosing to just stay put and breathe.

“Definitely one of my top 10 things NOT to do.”

And with that, I was out like a light. Must be my luck, even as a Unicorn the universe must see me as a play toy.

“Anyone got the number of that bus?”

I muttered to myself as I awoke, for a moment I though- Oh crud Finals is today! I opened my eyes and shot up from where I slept.

“Oh yeah there was that.” I took stock of my form, so that really happened huh? Well at least I tried.

I looked, where was I? this wasn’t where I was before.

I looked around the room, a bit confused at the wooden decor, haven’t seen much of that aside from those fake tiles, where am I? I wondered, I tried sitting up to get off the comfy bed I found myself in.

But something was restricting my movement opening the blankets I see my torso was wrapped in bandages as well as a great number of other places.

“Right, the fall.” I said, I guess that i was just out of it today.

I heard  sounds heading towards me, up first I thought they were feet, but then again I WAS a Horse-pony PONY gah whatever! ,I guess ponies can make houses here… neat.

The door opens and in walks a generic pony, no horn, or anything else, don't know why I was expecting extra but meh I wont be surprised if there were pegasi here.

The pony had a red mane, and a golden yellow coat, it had a branding of a pink leaf, weird. The pony lifts its head and with a feminine tone spoke. “Ah! good you're awake, good morning.” She said with a smile towards me.

I remained sitting as she walked towards me, I let her examine my form and check the bandages, I remained relatively quiet for the procedure.

“So whats your name?” She asked from out of the blue, I felt my ears perk up at the sound, again weird.

I was momentarily confused about how to answer that, I could go with my birth name, or my hippie name. My ears involuntarily lowered at my indecision.

Noticing my hesitance she chuckled softly and looked at me, “right I should introduce myself first, my name is Cherry Blossom.” She had said with a smile.

With that I didn't hesitate anymore, “my name is Starlight Glimmer.” I said meekly but clear enough.

“A pretty name,” she said as she backed up from me. “well everything seems to be just fine dear, your fit as a fiddle.”

“Thats good, I could start playing music again,” I stuck my tongue out at my joke, getting a small laugh for my troubles.

“So you’re a musician?” she asks. I sat there nursing my bruises, ow, at least they don’t hurt as much as I expected them to. I continued nursing till I noticed how she kept looking at me for a reply.

“No, no just a figure of speech.” I replied, tightening what bandages came loose during my attempt to get a feel about.

A thought crossed my mind, I had nothing here, I have no money, I have no idea where to go or what to do, I needed money and I needed friends..

I turned to Cherry Blossom, “Um, is there anyplace I can ah, get a job or something? I’m kinda broke.” I asked, and so with some instructions from Cherry Blossom and more bed rest i had made my admittedly slow way to recovery , Cherry was very nice to let me stay with her for these few days, I later found myself standing before a bulletin board with jobs listed.

Wow, an actual Quest Board, heh, it’s like those Fantasy MMO’s I never quite got into, well, at least this wasn’t your standard peasant village.

Simple, honest work, granted I wished I had something to listen to while doing anything! Weeding, cleaning places, dealing with the rats in somePONY’s basement, acting as a courier.

Heh, some ponies asked why I just didn’t use my magic.

I kept doing this for several weeks, I’d always come back to Cherry’s place exhausted and with a large bag of coin, some of the share went to Cherry as payment for letting me stay,

Left unsaid was the sheer novelty of having to hold an actual bag of GOLD, heh, with this much money I’d always wondered how those Main Characters could hold fifty-thousand of the things at once. one bag was heavy enough.

As for banking, well let’s say that no banking system was in place here, though that kinda made sense, with the nearly nonexistent tech level here the banks would probably be limited to the Big Cities, or to the major trade hubs.

I walked by my regular, Mr. Pea Soup, a murky green coated pegasus, yeah I’m not joking I had not expected that, but I wasn't totally surprised, then again I am a unicorn, so at this point nothing should shock me as much.

He was currently managing his market stall, the goods were fine, apparently it was all grown by him, the food’s good, almost magical.

He’s always got something for me to do, pest control, weeding, tilling the soil, meh, it makes enough, though how enough money circulates in this town is beyond me.

“Good morning Mr. Pea! Hows the Garden?” I trotted up to the stallion and leaned stall as I started talking to him casually.

“Ah good morning Miss Glimmer, it is going splendidly.” he smiles as a customer walks to him, with a quick exchange of… hooves, the customer was off.

Our own exchange of idle conversation was quick and I smiled at him as I left.

I had done some listening around gave me a bit of detail and information to work is as to what I could do and what a unicorn’s “magic” was capable of

Well, at least i have something new to do today.

So, magic. The word rolls off my tongue, not like I haven't said it before, it’s just that I’m actually talking about it as if it’s an actual thing to consider. It is apparently, but I refuse to call it such! there had to be a better thing to classify it as, calling it mere magic was like comparing a grand spell to your everyday parlor trick!

Besides, there had to be a reasonable way to explain how things worked! granted from what I’d heard this so-called “Magic” had rules, mystical and cryptic rules but rules nonetheless.

And so here I am, standing in some clearing not far from the town. Staring at a small stone.

“Alright, deep breaths…” I focus, summoning what power I feel within me. Heat builds up, and I sense a faint hum along my horn. The surrounding area feels like it’s growing dark, and I hear a low rumble echo around me.

The stone rises, nice this is going well, I focus some more, wondering if this is how those Wizards felt like? not that it mattered, I wasn’t much of a fantasy enthusiast.

The power grew, and I felt it, surging through me, Opening my eyes, I willed the stone to float higher.

“thump”

“Eugh, Wingardium Leviossaaaagh!” I parroted, hoping that the added intent would at least do SOMETHING!

Aaaaand I’m spent. I hit the ground. okay perhaps magic didn’t work exactly like those books said, Though there WAS intent involved. it sure was a bit more than picking up a stick and chanting in bastardized Latin.

“I wonder if the incantation had made any difference at all…” I mumbled to myself. Well time to get up.

I rose, dusting myself off before making my way back to the town proper.

Maybe the next few times would yield better results.