Celestia blames Luna, She blames us, we all can blame Tree Hugger
It was late in the night in Equestria. The Grand Galloping Gala had ended hours ago and Celestia was walking to her room and thinking of how the night had gone. It played out better then she had hoped it would. She knew that inviting discord would cause some form of trouble but to insure it would brew she had his ticket mailed last. Sure ponyville probably won’t see that mail pony anytime soon and he would need years of therapy when he finds his way out of Discord’s home but that’s worth it. The minute Discord showed up at the party Celestia know it was going to get interesting. It was nice of him to bring the Smooze; she hasn’t seen him since her collage days. Back then she would purposely cover herself in something made in gold just so he would suck it off of her body. Nothing turned her on more than being cover head to toe in that green sticky goo. It took her whole self-restraint not to go back to her room and put on as much gold as possible. The minute Discord showed up Twilight went to make sure he wouldn't try anything. Celestia was going to say something to her about trying too hard to get her in bed with her but it had been over a thousand years since a stallion treated her nicely and he went through a dimensional portal saying he’d be back in ten minutes. The Gala proceeded with somewhat dullness only to be broken when Discord tried something in vain hopes of getting Fluttershy to notice him. Of course the Smooze eats the treasury and then causes a filly to require therapy lessons for half his life but all plans have collateral damage. Speaking of collateral damage Celestia wondered what ever happened to Luna. Luna hated the Gala and avoided the last one but she was supposed to have gone to the one that just ended. Celestia decided to go see what had happened to her sister and after a few minutes of walking found herself standing in front of the door that led to Luna’s room.
Celestia being the older Princess and having complete ownership of the palace ignored the knocking on closed door rule and walked right into Luna’s room. The first thing she noticed was that the lights were off and it was pitch black. She fumbled for the light switch for a minute or two before turning it on. The room was filled with light and a high pitch scream filled the room. Celestia made a mental note to have her ears checked for internal bleeding later and looked around the room for her sister.
Luna was in the middle of the room on her back her legs were up in the air and she was trying her best to cover her eyes.
“The light it burns! For the love of Twilight’s hot brother turn the lights off. I’M DYING!”
Celestia could feel dread filling her body. Luna loves pranking her and she would take any opportunity to do so but she wasn’t pulling a prank this time. No it was far worst then a bad prank. Luna was high; really high. This meant that every pony in Equestria were taking a “trip” in their dreams. But that wasn’t the worst part of it. The worst part was that Luna was awake and that meant things were going to get really weird.
After a few seconds of silence Luna notices Celestia and with another scree of glee and a flash of blue she crossed the room and tackled Celestia in a rib-crushing hug.
“Hi Tia! I feel really, really, really, REALLY, good.” Luna said the last word in a hushed whisper and Celestia silently prayed to the stars to help her keep her sanity tonight. Without letting go of Celestia, Luna started to pace around the room and talking to her.
“So I was thinking about things tonight. Like what if we were just a bunch of made up characters in a story? What if our very live was a moving picture thing that played on a metal box for weird creature’s entertainment?”
Celestia took one look at Luna’s face and know it would be pointless to have a logical conversation with her. Her eyes were the size of dinner plates and various parts of her twitched every few seconds. All she could do was play along and hope Luna doesn’t do anything too damaging.
“So, you’re saying that we were created by creatures for entertainment?” She asked Luna.\
“Yes they play our lives and thousands, no millions of them love watching us. They are our creators and we they’re pleasure toys.”
Celestia rolled her eyes and continued to play alone in hopes that her silent summoning spell would grab the attention of a few guards. “So, what do these creatures look like?”
“They are like a hairless ape, they walk upright, have something called hands, and they speak equestrian somehow.” Luna let go of Celestia suddenly and ran to her desk. “I’m going to draw them!”
At that moment two black earth ponies in gold armor came into the room. She felt the tension leave her body as soon as they took their positions; one on her left and the other on her right.
“So are you done drawing the picture yet Luna?” Celestia asked after a few minutes of waiting. Luna jumped up in surprise and turned around to show Celestia the picture. As soon as she was facing Celestia she let out another high pitched squeal. Her eyes somehow grew in size and she started to have a panic attack.
“OH MY GOSH A TALKING OREO!”
She started to buzz around the room all the while still screaming at the top of her lungs in excitement. After a few minutes she stopped in front of Celestia.
“Don’t move I have to find my sister and introduce you to her.” With that said she started to call for Celestia all around the room. Eventually she throw open the door that led to her balcony and was using her royal voice to call for her.
“WILL PRINCESS SUNBUTT PLEASE FIND HER WAY TO MY ROOM THERE IS A TALKING OREO WHO WANTS TO SAY HI!”
Celestia face-hooved and started to groan and told the guards to wait outside for her. After the guards had left the room Luna turned around to talk to the “oreo” only to find Celestia in the room.
“Hi Tia! You just missed the talking oreo!”
Celestia decided not to try to explain what she really saw.“So, you were talking about these ape-like creatures. Why don’t you tell me more about them?”
Luna’s face lit up and she started to pace around the room again.“They are our creators. Some of them are tiny but most of the bigger one’s watch us closely. We must please them by doing cute things. They claim me as best princess pony and second cutest. I would be first but Fluttershy is still breathing so I’m second. I have to pee!”
Celestia was trying to get her head wrapped around the idea Luna just pulled out of her plot. She could never think of something like this when she isn’t high so this confirmed that she was really tripping. Luna actually did trip over her own feet in some strange attempted of what looked like the pee-pee dance. She jumped up suddenly and started to freak out again.
“The Creators forgot to draw the body parts I need to use to pee!” She dropped to her knees and started to shout at the ceiling. “Dear merciful Creators please bless me with the body parts I need to pee…. And a cup!” A few second later a cup appeared in Luna’s hands and Celestia was left standing in the room in shock. Luna squealed in delight and…well she… you know…. With the cup… buck it you know what happened… just think of a drug test. After Luna was done…you know… she took the cup and went outside on her balcony.
“I’m making it rain!” She shouted while throwing the contents of the cup over the balcony. A few second passed in silence before a shout could be heard from the ground and it sounded like a certain royal Nephew.
“Oh dear Celestia! Am I covered in…Pee? What? It came from Luna’s room! YES, I FINALLY HAVE BEEN PISSED ON BY A GODDESS. I SHALL NEVER BATHE AGAIN!”
Celestia was frozen from shock. She couldn’t believe what just happened. Suddenly she heard snoring and look to see Luna had finally crashed. She sighed with relief and turned to leave only to find the room was warping and changing colors. Then she saw a giant oreo talking to a hairless ape and next to him was a dolphin in a tux. Luna appeared next to her and giggled.
“Funny Tia don’t you know you’ve been sleeping the whole time. You as high as me right now.”
Celestia whimpered and slid to the ground. One of her eyes started twitching.
“BUCK IT!”
All over Equestria ponies were having the strangest dreams. They’ll all blame Celestia, She’ll blame Luna, Luna will blame the Creators, and I sit here blaming empty air. But all of us can blame Tree Hugger because this is all because of her.
The End
Author's Note
Thanks for reading....whatever this was. Please leave comments telling me what you think. No I insist be very honest I want to hear your criticism. Hope you enjoyed the small taste of my insanity I guaranty more in the future.
