Bulls Eye

by GodOfBBQ

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Anthro, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 2378

Scootaloo and Applebloom try to get their cutie marks in gun slinging.

This is simply a joke fic, it shouldn't be taken seriously. I just wanted to express my feelings about CMC...

That I believe they're boneheaded, retards. Well, Scootaloo and Applebloom are at least.

Think of this as a parody of the CMC. Enjoy...

Published 2015-06-07 01:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-07 01:10:02 UTC

Ideas Anyone?

Bulls Eye

Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle silently sat in their clubhouse, once again thinking of ways to earn their cutie marks. They have tried and tried for the past few years and absolutely no progress has been made. The only thing earned from their escapades were scrapes, bruises, and more teasing from Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.

From Skydiving to gambling, from pornographic acting to fencing, from mining to cooking, from border patrol to being drug mules, they have failed every time. It seemed as if there was no hope for our three favorite crusaders. Until, one day, which was today, they each had great ideas.

Scootaloo’s head quickly popped up, her eyes wide and a large grin on her muzzle.

“What is it Scoots?” Applebloom asked, wondering what her feathered friend had in mind.

“What if, we sold our souls for the skills to earn our cutie marks?”

“Ah told you Scootaloo, we’re saving that idea for when we turn fourteen!”

“So, we have a year left?” Sweetie asked

“A year of trials and tribulations.” Applebloom added with a sigh.

Another long silence fell over the trio as each of them desperately tried to figure something out to earn their marks. After some time passed, Sweetie Belle piped up like Scootaloo and raised her furred hand.

“Sweetie, we’re not in school you don’t need to raise your hand. What is it?” Scootaloo asked.

“Have we ever tried doing something we’re actually good at?”

“What do ya mean Sweetie?” Applebloom asked.

“Like, something we do as a normal thing. Something we’ve never thought about doing even though we seem very talented at it. Like, I’m pretty good at singing, and Scootaloo, you seem to carry yourself well in dancing, and Applebloom, you make a good carpenter. What if we gave those a try?”

A long pause began once again, until Scootaloo asked,

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, no offense Sweetie, but that’s kinda borin’. I wanna do somethin’ excitin’! Somethin’ nopony’s ever thought of doin’! Besides, Twilight told us that we should pursue somethin’ we’re comfortable with. I’m not liking the fact of being a construction worker when Ah grow up.”

“Yeah, and dancing? That’s not really as awesome as I would like.” Scootaloo said.

“Well, maybe we should get out of our comfort zones. Can we please try something we’re good at?”

Scootaloo and Applebloom looked at one another and looked back at Sweetie Belle.

“No” The new fillies said in unison.

“Why not?” Sweetie asked, sounding offended that they didn’t take her suggestion into consideration.

“Well, why would we get out of our comfort zone? It’s called the “Comfort Zone” for a reason.” Applebloom reasoned.

“Well fine then. What ideas do you have Applebloom? What could possibly be better and WAY more efficient than my idea?”

Applebloom paused.

‘Aw horse apples! I was hopin’ this would happen! Think dang it, think!’

“W-what if we… Uh… Oh! What if we tried gun slingin’!”

“Gun slinging?” Sweetie asked with a deadpanned voice.

“That sounds cool! I wanna shoot guns!” Scootaloo exclaimed excitedly.

“Really?” Sweetie asked, sounding annoyed.

“Heck ya! Mah brother’s got a gun in his room under his bed! Next to some adult magazines! Maybe we can sneak into his room when he ain’t lookin’ and take his gun out fer a spin!”

“Yeah! Let’s do it!”

“Wait-”

“CUTIEMARK CRUSADER GUNSLINGERS! YAAY!” Scootaloo and Applebloom cheered as they landed an epic high five, but quickly ceased when they felt the absence of Sweetie’s hand.

“Sweetie Belle, why aren’t ya doin’ the high five thing?”

“Because I’m done!”

“What?” Scootaloo asked.

“I said I’m done! I’m not risking my life over a cutie mark! Gunslinging is dangerous and I won’t have any part in it!” Sweetie argued.

“Well fine! If you want to be boring, that’s your choice! C’mon Bloom, let’s go.” Scootaloo said storming to the door of the clubhouse.”

“Right behind ya.” With that, the two crusaders marched their way out the clubhouse, leaving Sweetie Belle alone with her thoughts.

With a sigh, she lifted herself up and mumbled to herself as she left the clubhouse to pursue something safer and something she’s actually good at as her cutie mark.

~***~

“Alright. So, Big Mac and Applejack should be workin’ the fields so there’s no way in heck that they’ll catch us!” Applebloom said with enthusiasm as they neared the bedroom door that led to Big Mac’s living quarters.

“What about your grandma?” Scootaloo asked.

“She’s sound asleep. Ain’t nothin’ll wake her now.”

“Ah, right! So, what it’ll just be a swift grab n’ go?” Scootaloo asked, making sure that grabbing the gun and getting out of there was the main and only plan.

“Yep, then we go to the open fields and we practice our shootin’!” Applebloom assured.

“Right, got it! So what’s the plan?”

“Wha- Ah just told ya.”

“I know, just to make sure nothing goes wrong, I need to hear the plan again… Also, I wasn’t listening the first time.” Scootaloo explained, making Applebloom sigh.

“We sneak into mah brothers room.”

“Ok”

“Then we go under his bed.”

“Woah, you said nothing about going under beds.” Scootaloo complained.

“Just go with it. Anyway, look for a gun under his bed. It should be next to a bunch of magazines.”

“Wait, how do you know specifically where the gun would be?” Scootaloo asked.

“I’ve used it before, I’ve snuck things out of Applejack’s and Big Mac’s rooms.”

“Oh yeah? What have you borrowed from them?”

“Oh the normal things like money, clothes, and bunch of other stuff.”

“Huh… Well, I best get this gun now.”

With a nod from Applebloom, Scootaloo rubbed her hands and looked at the door. She took the handle and turned it, making the door open with a creaking noise.

“ABORT!” Scootaloo shouted as she jumped away from the door. Applebloom looked at her Pegasus friend with confusion, wonder why she had jumped for cover like a bomb was about to blow.

“I swear Scoots, you do the darnedest things sometimes!” Applebloom said with a chuckle.

“Did we get caught?” Applebloom ignored Scootaloo’s question and took it upon herself the retrieve the gun. She got down on her hands and knees to get under the bed to fish out the weapon.

After some time of moving her hand around from under the bed, she found a metallic, solid, oddly shaped object. She grasped the item and pulled it out from beneath the bed.

It was the gun. A Colt M1892, the gun itself was like a family heirloom. Passed down from generation, to generation. Going as far back to 1901, just seven years until the discontinuation of this model gun. Applebloom doesn't fully understand how the Apple family got the gun in the first place, whenever Applebloom asked Granny how they had gotten the gun, her stories would switch from her grandfather who worked in the Equestrian Navy kept the weapon after he retired from service, to a friend of her grandfather’s had given him the gun as a gift.

Either way, the weapon was passed down from generation to generation. From Granny’s grandfather, to her father, to Applejack, Mac and Bloom’s father, and now to Big Mac.

Looking over the old gun, Applebloom smiled.

“Are you sure that dinosaur will work?”

“O’course it’ll work! Ah told ya Ah used it before.” Applebloom said.

“I know it’s just… I was expecting something more, recent.”

“Oh please Scootaloo, they don’t make guns like they used to that’s fer sure.” Applebloom said with a smirk.

“How would you know? As far as I know, this is the only gun you've fired.” Scootaloo argued.

“It’s common sense Scootaloo, older guns are better than new guns in every way!”

“I don’t see how that’s possible since newer guns are more accurate and are more powerful.” Scootaloo informed.

“OK Miss. I-Know-Everything-About-Guns. How would you know that?” Applebloom asked with an attitude.

“Rainbow’s taken me to the shooting range before. I’ve fired an M9, a G18, a Glock 17, and even a .44 Magnum. Heck Bloom, if I stayed any longer at that place, I probably would have gotten my cutie mark in guns.” Scootaloo said with a proud grin, almost replicating Rainbow’s arrogant smile.

“Wow… Good point. Anyway, we have the gun. Let’s go shoot stuff!” Applebloom cheered.

“Yeah! Let’s do it!”

“CUTIE MARK GUNSLINGERS, YAY!” The two young mares shouted in unison.

~***~

Scootaloo and Applebloom stood in a large, empty field. A short walk away from Sweet Apple Acres, and another short walk away from Ponyville’s marketplace.

A few feet from where Applebloom and Scootaloo stood, were cardboard boxes with various cans and bottles on top of each box. Next to the boxes, were crudely painted targets on barrel lids and cardboard cut into the shape of a circle.
Applebloom held the weapon in her hand, flipping it with a quick flick of her wrist, the barrel shot out and revealed to be fully loaded.

“Huh, that’s very convenient.” Scootaloo commented.

“Yeah, unlike the gun, I have no idea where Mac keeps his ammo.” Applebloom said with a shrug. She looked back to the cans that stood about 10 to 20 feet away from their position. Getting a good grip on the firearm, she pointed it at an empty soup can and pulled the hammer back. She steadied her arm and held the position for a few seconds before firing the gun.

She watched as the can flew off just instantly after the gun was fired.

“Nice shot Applebloom!” Scootaloo cheered.

“Thanks Scoots! Lets see you give it a try!” Applebloom said with a smile.

“Alright!” Scootaloo ran to her friend and grabbed the gun from Applebloom’s open hand. Taking Applebloom’s place, she held the gun with both hands and pointed the firearm at one of the targets. Pulling back the hammer, she took in a deep breath and fired.

Applebloom watched as the target swung back, seeming as if it were hit by the bullet. Bloom ran up to the target and inspected it. To her surprise, Scootaloo had fired a perfect shot.

“Scootaloo you hit a bulls eye!” Applebloom shouted in excitement.

“Really!?” Scootaloo ran to where Applebloom stood holding the target. Scootaloo was shocked to see a perfectly rounded bullethole going through the center of the target.

“Oh my gosh! I hit a bulls eye!” Scootaloo and Applebloom highfived and looked back at the target.

“Bet you you can’t best this.” Scootaloo said with a smirk.

“Oh yer on Scoots!” Applebloom said with her own cocky grin. With a handshake, the two returned to their positions. Applebloom took the gun and pointed it at the other hanging target. Pulling back the hammer, she fired, landing what seemed to be another bullseye.

With a chuckle, Applebloom handed the gun to Scootaloo who snatched the firearm from Applebloom. With a wide, cocky grin, Scootaloo took the gun and twirled it with her fingers and hand. Making it spin faster and faster, she looked back at Applebloom with a smirk. Looking back to her target; another lone soup can, she stopped the gun, pulled back the hammer and fired. Sending the bullet to strike the old rusted can. Before the bullet made contact with the can, a flash of light shined on Scootaloo’s backside, but she failed to notice. Except Applebloom, who watched in shock and awe.

“I hit it! Applebloom it hit it!” Scootaloo shouted excitedly, but no response came from her fellow crusader.

“Bloom? Applebloom? You shocked by my awesome shooting skills?” Scootaloo asked with a smirk.

Silence.

“Applebloom, what’s wrong?” Scootaloo asked, sounding more concerned now. Applebloom stood, pointing at Scootaloo’s backside.

“S-Scoots… Ah, think you just got yer cutie mark!” Applebloom stuttered.

“Really!?” Scootaloo exclaimed as she turned around and pulled at the hem of her pants. Pulling down a part of her pants slightly, she saw it. A glimmering cutie mark on her upper thigh. The cutie mark seemed to resemble that of a revolver, the revolver looked like the revolver her and Applebloom were using, and a red and white target behind the gun.

With a squeal, Scootaloo jumped up and down with excitement. She had finally gotten her cutie mark.

Applebloom; who seemed to snap out of her state of shock, ran over to her friend and hugged her tightly.

“Ya did it Scootaloo! You got yer cutie mark!” Applebloom exclaimed in excitement.

“Yeah! You wanna see it?”

“Yes!” Applebloom exclaimed, wanting to see what her friend’s cutie mark was. Scootaloo pulled at her pants again to reveal the cutie mark. Impressed by the small image, Applebloom smiled.

“Wow Scoots! That’s a nice one!”

“I know! I gotta show Rainbow Dash this! I’ll see you later!” Scootaloo shouted, beginning to run towards Ponyville, but was stopped by the grasp of Scootaloo.

“Don’t you think we should show Sweetie Belle first?” Applebloom asked.

“You’re right!” Scootaloo chuckled. “And to think she thought this wouldn’t work.”

“Yeah. That shot was really impressive Scoots!”

“I know right? I mean, I flipped the gun, I twirled it n’ stuff, then I shot it like-” The gun went off in her hand, making the Pegasus jump back in surprise.

A long pause. The two crusaders looked at one another in shock, then broke out into laughter.

“Holy cow! That was close eh Scoots?” Applebloom asked.

“Sure was! A bit too close if you ask me.”

As the two continued to laugh, a thud could be heard. Their heads looked at the source of the sound, their laughter melting away into fear.

Sweetie Belle was laying on the ground, her hands clutching her left lower thigh.

She had been shot.

A long pause fell over the two fillies.

“Uh oh.” Scootaloo and Bloom say in unison.

To Be Continued...

Author's Note

Like I said, this is a joke fic so all complaints please place them in the Dropbox that's up your bum.

JK. But really, this is a joke fic an nothing more. However, as the cliff hanger implies, there will be a sequel.

Anyway, hope you like it, and stay tuned for the sequel!

Now! I must be off! To write another cheesy fic!