My name's Todd

by ginger468

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Original Character, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Princess Celestia, Main 6, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 2890

My name is Todd. I was a simple every day human and now I'm in Equestria. Sounds good right? Wrong the ponies know next to nothing about humans. What will I do?

My name is Todd. I was a simple every day human and now I'm in Equestria. Sounds good right? Wrong the ponies know next to nothing about humans. What will I do? They don't know humans, this place is dangerous and I am

SO SCREWED!

Published 2015-05-25 17:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-25 17:00:02 UTC

Chapter 1: My name's Todd

Chapter 1: My name's Todd

My name is Todd. I'm 21 have a decent job, well if you call sitting on your ass all day decent. I have a girlfriend, her name is Sheila. My life is well, meh could be better could be worse. What did you expect me to say my life's depressing, hell no. Most of my nights I'm probably hanging out with my girlfriend or watching tv till I'm so tired I see elephants. One night I was watching tv when My Little Pony Friendship is Magic came on. I heard good things about the show so I guessed why not. And I thought it was ok. I watched three episodes before I said "It's ok I guess."

I first thought my girlfriend would think less of me if I said I watched the show, then I remembered on my first date with her I upright told her I was bisexual and a atheist. So I went online to see more. Most of the sites expected me to pay for it. Bitch does it look like I have money? Then I saw an website that was called Don't just watch the show be the show. This was probably some fan website but it caught my eye. So I decided to click on it and the computer turned off and so did the lights.

What the fuck I paid the god damn bills. Then I heard a sound behind me. It sounded like click-click zoop zern na na na na. Yeah something like that. So I turned around to see a blue sphere in the middle of the room. At first I was like wow I gotta get sleep, I'm freaking seeing things now. Oh but I wasn't the blue sphere turned to what looked like a blue miniature black hole. It then tried to drag me in. I held on to my desk. "Oh god don't let go!" I told myself.

It then closed. I got up in the middle of the floor and caught my breath. My god the hell was that? I didn't care I was just glad I survived but then I heard that familiar sound. Click-click zoop zern na na na na. The blue sphere appeared again between my legs. The sphere turned into the blue hole thingy again. I was falling with only darkness surrounded me. I was freaking out my heart was pulsing fast I soon passed out due to shock.

I woke up I was on a purple floor. Purple? I mean I have nothing against the color hell my 3ds is purple, but why is my floor purple? Unless it wasn't my floor. No I brushed it off and got up and saw a purple unicorn. I said "Well this is one fucked up dream. Well time to wake up." I wasn't waking up. Then I thought this was some powerful dream I can even control it. I then decided to pet the purple unicorn who was staring at me with it's mouth open. I felt her and wait I could feel her.

Then I thought oh it's probably my dog or my girlfriend. Wait I don't have a dog or any pet for that matter and my girlfriend was in Kansas. The purple unicorn said "Um hello?" I then realized this was not a dream or maybe it was. So I started punching myself again and again. It hurt a lot, oh crap it hurt. Then I came to the realization. I wasn't asleep I was awake and hungry for that matter, but still awake.

I then stepped back from the purple unicorn and yelled "Ahhhhh this is not a dream not a dream, AHHHH!" I was in this pony world it be better if I watched more then three episodes. But still I was in a world of what ever it was called and I was scared. I asked the purple unicorn "What's going on!?"

The purple unicorn look in a book she had on the floor next to her. She said "That what the spell does this is amazing, weird but amazing!" Spell? What freaking spell? She made it where I'm here? What in god's name was going on?

I asked the purple pony "Please send me back! Send me back now!"

The purple pony responded to me "I can't there's no spell for it in this book." I can't go back. I'm stuck here! Oh wait maybe this is when the intro plays and by the end of the day everything will be fine. Oh who am I kidding I'm doomed! The purple pony asked "Who are you what are you? Oh I have so many questions."

I thought for a minute and knew the smart thing to say. I said "I'm hungry." Oh shit, I didn't mean to say that well I wouldn't mind a bite to eat. She lead me to her kitchen and last time I checked she was living in a library.

The purple pony asked "What does your species eat?" Well as much as a burger would be great I remembered that cows could talk in this world.

I said "Well my species eats um pretty much every thing you people, I mean ponies do." Man I had to be careful with what I said. If I accidently say god I'll have to explain that mess. She brought out a plate of pancakes witch were cooked despite being in the fridge. Oh I didn't care about that I was just glad I didn't have to eat a salad.

The purple pony lead me to the dining room and put the plate of pancakes on the table. I sat down on a chair that was thankfully not to small for me and took a bite of the pancakes. Holy shit these pancakes are the best I've ever ate. But there just normal pancakes, is it that these are normal pancakes for them but for me and other humans it's god's blessing? I looked at the purple pony who was smiling and staring at me.

I said "Thanks, umm."

The purple pony said "My name is Twilight Sparkle. Wow I can't believe the spell did this." I continued to eat the pancakes then Twilight asked a question. "Does your world have magic and if it does how good is it?" Wow someone was actually interested in me, although it took me going to a different universe but the attention felt good.

I decided to answer and so I said "Well my world doesn't have magic but we do technology and man is it good." Oh this gonna be fun staying here answering questions all day. All day. Fuck I'm gonna be stuck here for hours aren't I. After a hour of Q&A I was getting a little bit bored. You expect being in a magical word with ponies to be a magical experience but here I am reliving my pointless therapy visits.

Then came in a Pink pony. Oh yeah that one her name I can remember she was Pinkie Pie. Pinkie said "Hey Twilight do we (gasp)!" She gasped and ran off. I wonder what the hell that was for I hope I'm not ugly. Well Twilight kept on asking questions. At first she asked stuff like how do ya move, how do ya see, and why are you wearing clothes now. Then the questions got stupid. With questions like what's your favorite day of the week, what's the best color, and how do you repopulate. That last one wasn't stupid it was just weird coming out of her mouth.

Twilight then asked "Wow it's been almost a hour and I have yet to ask your name, what is your name?"

I said "Well my name? The name's Todd."

Chapter 2: RariJack Chapter

Man another hour of me answering questions. This was just getting ridiculous how many questions she was asking. I swear if I have to waist another hour of being asked questions I'm going find the nearest cliff and do a back flip right off the fucking thing. Twilight then said "Oh I must be bothering you with all these questions aren't I?"

Without hesitation I said "Yep." What, honesty's a good virtue. I hoped that now she was done asking questions so I can see the rest of the town. I mean this has been kind of cool but really these questions are getting annoying.

Twilight then said "Well your clothing you don't need it, right?" My face turned red with embarrassment. It be kinda weird if I was walking around camando style. Twilight then said "I'm gonna take that as a yes. Don't worry my friend Rarity can fix you up a dress." A dress? I imagined my self in a dress and turned red once again. Twilight said "Oh I guess you a male. Don't worry Rarity can make a dress for anypony." Yeah anypony. Well I just hoped for the best and Twilight lead me to Rarity's House.

When me and Twilight were walking to Rarity's house every body, I mean pony was looking at us. They didn't say anything one with a harp on her ass was the only one that was excited as hell. It felt weird to be looked at it and it felt like I was some weirdo. I was glad we finally made it here and then I saw a little kid or filly whatever they called it. It said "Wow what are you?" I tried to resist picking it up cuddling and rubbing my cheeks on it's head but I couldn't.

I heard someone yell "Hey, put my sister down right now!" I put the filly down and my face turned red when I realized what I did. Did I really just do that? I do that a lot with cats but not like that.

Twilight said "Sorry he's a bit new to this world. Rarity could you fix Todd up some clothing." So the unicorn who yelled at me was Rarity and the adorable irresistible, uh little one was I believe Sweetie Belle. Rarity came up and measured me. This was a bit weird how she measured me because she did it almost everywhere.

Rarity said "Hmm Twilight you present me with a challenge and I'll gladly accept. Now I presume he's male." Twilight nodded and Rarity spoke again "Well I won't make anything too fancy but I'll make something so good, he'll just die to put it on." Well Rarity was weirdly generous to make clothing for a possible pedophile. I kinda felt at home. Home, shit I'm homeless. I knew I couldn't stay at Twilight's she's busy with Friendship stuff.

So I asked Twilight "Hey Twilight I need a place to earn money you know a place?"

Twilight responded "Well I heard Apple Jack needs a helping hoof." I thought this was great and then I realized. That means I'll have to work on a farm. Now it wouldn't be so bad if I weren't as weak and flimsy as a dam stick! I'm so used to saying would you like some fries with that and taking orders. A farm? Well it won't be too bad decides I never worked on a farm it might be easy.

Instead of Twilight leading me to the farm she told me where to go. I went to the farm and when I arrived I was wowed to see the Apple Family Farm looked bigger in person. Those apples looked delicious not the family the ones growing on the trees ya sick bastard. I climbed over the fence and reached for a apple. Then I thought is this wrong? No it's just one they're not gonna miss it. Then I saw another filly with a bow. She said "You have to ask first."

I apologized and asked for a apple and she said sure. I sat down and laid back on the tree. I took a bite of the apple and dam was it good. That god blessed food theory looked pretty confirmed because I've had farm fresh apples not that store bought stuff and this was way better. I just know I'm gonna love working on the farm. I looked at the filly with pink bow "So what's your name."

The filly responded "Why my name's Apple Bloom. What's yours?"

I decided what's wrong with telling her and said "The name's Todd."

Chapter 3: Cleaning shit on a apple farm

Chapter 3: Cleaning shit on a apple farm

Then a worm popped out of the apple I was enjoying. Kinda of weird thing but I freaking hate worms. You can thank hentai for that weird fear. So I screamed and threw the apple. Apparently I accidently threw the apple at somebody and she yelled "Ow what in tarnation! Apple Bloom did you throw an apple at me?!" Oh crap who did I throw the apple at. Hopefully she's nice and understanding.

Who ever it was Apple Bloom yelled "He did it!" and ran off. Oh dear I hope I didn't get on the wrong hand with anyone. It was a female pony with a cow boy hat on and had a cart of apples with her.

It kinda sucks My Little Pony wasn't about humans because then I'd be set.

The pony looked at me and yelled "Did you throw the apple at me?!"

I said "Sorry there was a worm and," I stopped when I realized there was gonna be a lot of questions.

The pony said "Oh no hard feelings." Wait that's it? No staring no saying er mer gerd what is that. I'm shocked, and happy.

I asked "Hey what's your name?"

She responded "My name is Apple Jack." Oh good Apple Jack she's the owner of the farm. I need to ask her for a job. So I came over to her.

I asked "Hello Apple Jack say, may I have a job on your farm?" I hoped that she would say yes because I was just in love with this farm. If she said no I'm gonna do that backflip cliff ideal. Apple Jack took a gander at me from top to bottom.

Apple Jack said "Well I do have one available job." Yes she has a job for me man I can't wait to start plucking apples. She lead me over to the animal pens. Wait why is she leading me to the animal pens? Apple Jack said “Your job will be cleaning the droppings in the animal pens.” I thought I was gonna smell the scent of apples all day not animal shit.

But I took the job. And the job was not easy. The smell of shit was made me almost faint sometimes, I’m pretty sure my shoes are ruined and oh my gosh now I sound like a perky bitch. Well after I got done I got paid 10 bits. I don’t know if I should be pissed, happy, or meh. Well I knew it wasn’t enough money buy a house or rent a room.

But I took the job. And the job was not easy. The smell of shit was made me almost faint sometimes, I’m pretty sure my shoes are ruined and oh my gosh now I sound like a perky bitch. Well after I got done I got paid 10 bits. I don’t know if I should be pissed, happy, or meh. Well I knew it wasn’t enough money buy a house or rent a room.

So I asked Apple Jack “Hey can I stay overnight at your place?”

She said “Nope, but think you can sleep at Flutter Shy’s place she loves animals.” She told me where to go and I thought FlutterShy what a odd name. Let me guess she’s shy, yeah I don’t think I’m going to like her. I arrive at the house that looked nice and small. I knocked on the door and instead of greeted by a pony a was greeted by this mix of different animals.

He said “Well what are you? Hm very interesting, Flutter Shy is gonna like you.” Ok now I’m starting to think Flutter Shy was evil then I thought do I even remember the episodes I watched. Barley, I forgot most of the characters names and most of the plot. Weird I could only remember it was a show about horses weird. I came in and saw a yellow pegasus drinking tea.

The yellow pony looked at me and said “(gasp) What are you, this is amazing.” Wow she flew around me and looked happy and excited. It was kinda cute.

I then said “Hey I need a place to stay until I’m have enough bits for a house.”

Flutter Shy then said “(gasp) You can talk (squeal)” Okay I had to admit this was freaking adorable. It was great until she said “I have so many questions.” Oh god no more questions! Wait I remembered that Twilight knows everything.

So I said “Twilight knows everything go ask her.” Flutter Shy then flew out of the house. Thank god no more questions. Then that animal thing that I just realized sounded like Q came over.

He said “So what is your name?”

I replied with “My name is Todd.”

Author's Note

New chapters will be made soon.