One Hell of a Guy!

by LivingLie

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Comedy, Crossover, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe
Length: 3152

Chunky Kong goes to Equestria. It sets off a chain of events and things go. . bananas.

Chunky Kong is the last member of the D.K crew. He's bigger, stronger and more cowardly than all of them combined. So when he decides to visit Equestria to get away from the action he gets more than he bargains for.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-28 18:53:31 UTC

Chapter 1: He's the Last Member of the D.K. Crew

Chapter 1: He's the Last Member of the D.K. Crew

It was the kind of day that could put any nervous mind to rest. Chunky Kong laid in a hammock inside his cousins treehouse. Normally this would be impossible since D.K. claimed the resting spot the majority of the time but today was different. The rest of the crew took out to find a Kremlings hideout somewhere. Beyond that description the crew wasn't really sure where to look so they've decided to look everywhere they can. Chunky on the other hand came down with a severe case of the 'tummy aches' so he couldn't make this endeavor. His family understood and allowed him ownership of the tree house for the time being.

He casually swayed side to side enjoying the warmth from the midday sun. The treehouse was covered in banana peels that Chunky casually threw onto the ground after consuming its tasty insides. While he swayed a funky beat played from the boom box in the corner of the room. Nothing could honestly be better at this moment.

Although a thought did creep into his head of something going wrong while his family looked for the Kremlings hideout. Maybe D.K. bit off more than he could chew. Maybe Diddy's jetpack malfunctioned and shot him off into space! What if Lanky's arm stretched out but never came back. What if Tiny Kong shrank and got stepped on!?!

Chunky Kong could feel his heart beat increase just below his ribs. Sweat began to form as his thoughts grew darker and darker. He couldn't take it anymore and he tried to separate himself from the hammock. Unluckily for him his foot got caught on the hammock as he stood. Chunky tried to get his appendage out but to no avail. With more tugging came a tighter grip on his leg. An idea popped into his head, Chunky took a casual runner stance and tried to run out of the trap.

His small but strong legs forced his body forward about five feet when he suddenly shot back. The whiplash didn't end there as he was flung back to his original position and then he became airborne.  With a high pitch squeal he flew above the forest already regretting his horrible decision of moving. Looking down his heart plummeted with his sight. Everything was much smaller even when Chunky is in his giant form. Trees that he would have to climb to get bananas they now looked like ants. Fear gripped him tightly and he panicked not knowing what to do. He flew over the jungle and soon flew over the beach of D.K. Island. His mind was largely unfocused until he noticed something.

He heard a noise. Not just a noise but music from a very familiar instrument. He looked down and saw something moving. Chunky squinted his eyes hoping to get a better look. It took him a second to finally see the image correctly but eventually he did make it out.

His entire family was on the beach having a good ol' time. Diddy Kong was rocking out on stage with his electric guitar. D.K. was scratching some records next to his little buddy. Tiny, Lanky, and even Cranky were dancing in front of the stage. Funky and Candy were off to the side where even from the height he was at Chunky could tell Funky was being shot down. Despite a second of levity there was some anger that washed over Chunky.

How could they have a party without him? Was he not good enough? It was true that Chunky missed out on the whole hunt for the Kremlings but his family knew he didn't like fighting. They should've seen the 'tummy' excuse coming. Okay aloud that sounds really bad. Maybe he did deserve to be shut out of a family function or two because of his cowardice. Maybe he even deserved to be kicked out of the D.K. crew. Maybe he. . .

*Sploosh*

A large splash of water formed from the ocean. Chunky quickly regained his bearings and floated to the top. He looked back at the beach and his family was none the wiser. He sunk a little bit back under the water so his mouth was submerged. He blew some bubbles and thought about what he should do next. Chunky felt embarrassed that his family wouldn't tell him about this part, and more embarrassed of himself and why they chose not to tell them. One shining beacon did arrive though as a paper fell from the sky. He grabbed the paper before it fell on his face.

The paper looked to be an pamphlet for a place called 'Equestria'. There was even a map on the back side that detailed its location compared to the island. The swim to the continent was a short one if Chunky put some of his strength into it. Folding the paper Chunky put it in the back of his sweater nearest his neck. He looked back at his family who still didn't notice his presence. With a deep inhale the ape turned and took off for the strange new land.

It was a beautiful twilight shimmer on the ocean. The sun reflected liked a brilliant orange inferno, the water surrounding the light was such a succulent blue that could quench thirst just by looking at it. This extended into the river that Chunky swam up. He eventually made landfall in front of a thick forest, and even though he was tired something called to him telling  him to stop in this particular spot. Chunky shook off the moisture on his body and took to the forest.

The Everfree was not very different from the jungles he already knew. Yes it was a bit more humid and more dense but all-in-all he still felt at home. On the upside, thicker forest meant more vines to swing from, which would provide quick travel. There was something ominous though, the forest felt too quiet, like something was waiting for him.

"AHH!" just then a high pitch shriek rang through the forest.

Chunky swallowed knowing that whatever made that scream was either scared by something or in danger, either way in most likely meant a fight. True he didn't want to fight  but the scream also sounded like a small girls and just then the image of a terrified Tiny warped into his mind.

He immediately started swinging towards the screams.

"Get back you meanie!" an orange pegasus shouted.

"I don't think that they speak Equestrian, Scootaloo." Sweetie Belle admonished with fear still apparent in her voice.

"Whadda we gunna do? I don't wanna be Timberwolf food." Apple Bloom shook holding her friends tight to her.

The three fillies huddled together hoping that something would happen to distract or stop the predators in front of them. Timberwolves, fierce beasts made of wood and held together by the Everfree's magic. They hunt in packs and will tear apart any pray they find, hunger or not, the weaker the better. They skulked ever slower towards the fillies revealing in the moment. Just as they were about to lunge towards their next meal a large figure interrupted their path.

"AAARRRGH!" Chunky exclaimed as he landed and rotated his body arms outstretched and his fists acting like maces at the end.

The Timberwolves stopped and quirked what could be considered their eyebrows. They didn't know what to make of the hairy figure in front of them. But they still needed to sate their desire to dig into flesh. Chunky looked on as the pack ducked down slowly prowling towards him. The ape swallowed hard as he realized his intimidation technique didn't work. He was sweating bullets. Looking back and forth Chunky figured there had to be something he could hide behind. Then he noticed three brightly colored fillies behind him.

He then jumped backwards and cowered behind them, confusing the Timberwolves to the point of halting their advance.

"Hey!" the CMC shouted.

They jumped behind Chunky, confusing the Timberwolves even more.

He looked around noticing he was in the line of fire once again, so he reclaimed his spot behind the CMC.

Then they jumped back.

Then he jumped back.

Then they jumped back. . .

(One hour later)

. . .Then he jumped back.

Then they jumped back.

Then he jumped back.

Suddenly the air got a lot less thick and the landscape morphed from jungle to grassland. The fillies looked around and realized they not only got away from the Timberwolves but also made it out of the Everfree. They started to pat down their bodies to make sure it wasn't a dream. Once they were satisfied Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle jumped in the air cheering as loud as they could. The celebration didn't last long however as the three fillies noticed the large ape stand up just behind them.

"Um." Scootaloo started before she, along with her friends, were engulfed in a large hug.

"I think he's happy." Sweetie Belle breathed.

"You can say that again."

"I think he's hap--"

"Ah don't think she meant that literally Sweetie." Apple Bloom interrupted.

Chunky eventually let the three down and stared at them expectantly. The CMC looked at each other slightly afraid to make the next move. It was Sweetie who eventually took the stage.

"So. . Who are you?"

Chunky responded by yelling and beating his chest.

". . .Did anypony else catch that." Sweetie asked looking back at her friends. They shook their heads.

Seeing the confusion on their faces Chunky looked on not knowing how else to communicate with them. He mulled it over for a few seconds and then an idea popped into his head. The ape reached behind him and grabbed the very paper that led him here. He handed it to the fillies and they looked it over. They saw it was some sort of pamphlet for visiting Equestria.

"Girls, are you thinkin what I'm thinkin?" Apple Bloom smirked along with Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS TOUR GUIDES!"

Chapter 2: No Such Thing as a Vacation

Chapter 2: No Such Thing as a Vacation

Everypony looked on as if they were staring at the end of the earth. This large behemoth with arms that look like they could lift a boulder with relative ease, was skipping behind Ponyville's resident troublemakers. Apple Bloom lead in front with Scootaloo to her left and Sweetie Belle on her right all three of them hopping in opposite rhythm. Bystanders could tell that the fillies were saying something but it was largely incomprehensible because of the sound Chunky made every time he jumped and made contact with the earth. His quakes were so bad that they even knocked some of the bystanders down.

"Over here is Sugarcube Corner where you can find everything sweet." Sweetie Belle spoke extending her hoof to said bakery. As Chunky examined the candy covered building a pink pony popped out the front pastel colored door prancing and smiling. She approached the group with intrigue in her eye.

"Hey girls! Who's your new friend?"

"This is, uh, ah don't think we ever got your name." Apple Bloom said scratching the side of her head.

"OOOAAH!" Chunky said pounding his chest.

"OOOAAH! Interesting name. Nice to meet you OOOAAH! I'm Pinkie"

"Uh Pinkie I don't think that's his actual name. I don't think he even has a name." Scootaloo said covering her eyes with a hoof.

"Ahh, nopony should go without a super special name!" Pinkie said bringing her hoof to her chin. "Let's see what we have to work with. He looks like could be a fun party animal. . How about Funky?"

Chunky shook his head fiercely.

"No? That's disappointing. Ooh do you play any musical instruments?"

The nodded seemed to be rummaging around his vest for something. After a moment or two Chunky took out a small triangle and started playing. It was a short ditty but it did exemplify a certain talent for the Triangle. The CMC were sitting down politely clapping and Pinkie tried to do the same but couldn't help letting a few tears out.

"That was beautiful." the pink pony sniffing back her emotions. "I think I have your name, how about Ditty, like in little musical numbers?"

Once again Chunky shook his head.

"Not that one either? What else could we use as inspiration? I guess you are a bit broad and heavy. . Chunky?"

The kong beat on his chest and the ground nodding his head emphatically. Unluckily for the town the resounding pounds to the earth lead to more chaos as the very foundation of buildings began to shake and even crack. Not everypony took to this gesture in the best of spirits. One pony was taking particular interests.

Twilight Sparkle was violently awoken from her bed. She had spent to previous night working on an experiment with some newly discovered foliage from the Everfree, she didn't plan on sleeping in but something's a pony can't help. Quickly regaining her bearings Twilight darted for her basement . Flipping a light switch with magic Twilight quickly scanned the room looking for something. In the farthest corner of the room, covered in dust, the unicorn noticed the machine she needed. She trotted over wiping off the dust and hacking some of the particles that made their way down her throat .

She stood in front of the invention frantically trying to get it to work. After a minute or two of tampering she eventually turned it on, receiving several lines of data instantly. As she read the data her dragon assistant came tumbling down the stairs, to which she responded by going to his side..

"Spike are you alright?" Twilight asked lending a comforting hoof around him.

"Yeah Twilight." Spike said enjoying the embrace.

Twilight and Spike both lost themselves in the nice embrace when Twilight remembered her original purpose popped back in her mind.

"Spike you felt those tremors right?"

"Twilight, I tasted them." he said standing up and brushing himself off.

"How could an earthquake happen in Ponyville. We aren't anyway near fault lines, there aren't any major seismic activities occurring anywhere else. . ." Twilight said as she went back to the machine analyzing it's results.

"What is that Twilight?"

"It's a seismograph, it measures seismic waves all over the planet."

"I never knew we had that."

"Well, I did decommission it when I ran the tests on Pinkie to find out the source of her Pinkie sense. I guess I just never thought about it again until now."

"So if there aren't any major seismic waves, what does that mean?" Spike asked a little scared.

Twilight hesitated to answer, her eyes still on the graph hoping there was another way. She inhaled deeply and exhaled breathing away any doubt in her next words.

"Spike, take a letter, we're going to need some major help fending off whatever created that shake."

"I think he likes the name." Scootaloo said ducking behind Pinkie with the rest of her friends.

"Chunky it is then! What else do you--" Pinkie began but was cut off.

Behind the group about thirty feet an older mare with pink and magenta hair along with a light blue coat called out to the younger mare.

"Pinkie Pie we need you back in here! Don't forget about that order we have to make before this evening!"

"Okay Mrs. Cake! I'll see you guys later." Pinkie said waving goodbye.

Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle all waved back to Pinkie reciprocating the emotion.  The CMC stopped waving when Pinkie disappeared in the distance, Chunky continued well after though. It took the fillies awhile to regain Chunky's attention

"Over there you can see Town Hall, uh, I think Applejack is over there talking to Mayor Mare about something to do with the farm." Apple Bloom said holding her hoof to her chin wondering exactly what to say.

"And over there you can see the coolest, most awesome, most radical, most wonderful pony in all of Equestria RAINBOW DASH!" Scootaloo enthusiastically announced pointing at a particular cloud in the sky. A cloud that also happened to be positioned in close proximity to Town Hall.

Chunky Kong followed Scootaloos hoof to the cloud in the sky. On the cloud saw a light blue pegasus with a rainbow colored mane. The mane was what kept his eye though something about it was so tantalizing. Whether it was the shape, the color, the face beneath, or a combination of all three Chunky didn't know. Even more than the ponies aesthetics was the precarious position she appeared to be in. When he looked closely Rainbow Dash appeared to be sinking lower and lower in the cloud. It took Chunky a second to register the situation but when he did it didn't take him more that a second to act.

Quickly he darted off racing towards Town Hall. Reaching the building Chunky grabbed onto one of the thin poles on the outside the building and started to climb. A sound much like rusty gears screeched as he tried to climb. Chunky wanted to run away when he heard that sick sound, but someone needed him and he wasn't about to leave that someone. Reaching the second story in a matter of seconds he climbed up another thin pole that made a noise just like the other one.

Once he reached the third story the roof made an audible groan at the introduction of his weight. The ape looked for something else to climb and selected the thick frames of a window. He only put a little bit of weight on the frame and it snapped in a second.

Chunky looked concerned as the fragile building apparently was at it's limits when it comes to supporting him. He looked at Rainbow Dash the concern flowing right back in his veins. Chunky bent over as low as he could. In a second he bounded for the sky in an immaculate backflip. Like a ballerina the ape landed gently onto the top of the window. Another cracking sound was made and Chunky jumped again, landing on the top level. The ape climbed up the spire top and was not level with Rainbow Dash.

"What is he doing!?!" Scootaloo asked concern watching Chunky from the ground with her friends who were just as concerned.

"Ah don't know, maybe he just wants to say hi?" Apple Bloom said not believing her own words.

"Should we do something?" Sweetie Belle inquired.

"I'm sure Rainbow Dash can handle herself, she is the most awesome--" Scootaloo stopped when she and almost all of Ponyville stopped to watch what was possibly the most terrifying thing.

Chunky, the two thousand pound ape, jumped.