Very Strange Career Choices

by Namelesskk

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Random, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Other
Length: 1737

Death is apparently not as permanent as it seems, when Monsoon is thrown head first into a land of multicolored horses. What will become of our dashing cybernetic hero? Will his memes be enough to save him? How the hell would I know? Just read it!

Equestria is a land of Peace and Harmony. It's citizens are happy and prospering under the rule of Princess Celestia and Luna. There hasn't been any wars involving Equestria for the entirety of recorded history.

The planet earth has been in a state of tension for the last 80 years. Nations hold long grievances, and have old wounds waiting to be reopened. A war somewhere on the planet happens at least once every 20 years.

Let's mix them a bit, shall we?

(A MGR/MLP crossover)

This is my first attempt at writing horse words. Please be gentle

Published 2015-05-25 17:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-04 01:44:20 UTC

A beginning

SYSTEM OVERVIEW: WARNING, UNACCEPTABLE AMOUNTS OF DAMAGE DETECTED. GO TO YOUR NEAREST REPAIR STATION AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. POWER AT 1.27%.

Monsoon's sight was beginning to fail him, his vision losing quality and flickering. But he ignored it. He had something to say.

"Wind blows... rain falls... and the strong prey upon the weak" He felt exhausted from saying a sentence. How pathetic.

WARNING: CRITICAL SYSTEMS FAILING. DIRECTING ALL POWER TO LIFE SUPPORT.

"Everything is..."

In a rush of static, his sight gave out completely.

WARNING: LIFE SUPPORT FAILING. POWER AT .32%

"As it should..."

SYSTEM SHUTDOWN IMMINENT.

"...be..."

WARRNNNN$55%&7((&(&^&$#

Numbness gripped Monsoon, and everything faded away.

(_____)

BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEP

No...

BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Please no...

BEEP BEEP BEEEE-

The sound was abruptly cut off by a hoof slamming repeatedly into the alarm. "Ugh..."

I have to get up... things to do... At the moment, that was the highest level of thought she could achieve. Stumbling out of bed, Twilight haphazardly made her way to the door. Fumbling with the handle she stepped out onto the staircase, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Making her way downstairs proved to be a challenge, her lack of coordination getting to her.

Alright Twilight, you just need to attend the annual Magi Council meeting. She reached the ground floor, and levitated out a box of cereal from a cabinet. Wait...

Oh Celestia! I promised to babysit the Cake twins while Pinkie was away! Eyes widening, as the weight of the situation dawned on her. "No, no, no, no..." Eyes frantically moving around the room, Twilight started to pace rapidly back and forth.

Spike opened the door, yawning loudly with a steaming cup of coffee in his claws. "Hey, Twilight, didn't thin-"

"I DIDN'T PLAN FOR THIS!"

"Gaah!" The force of her voice that made him stumble back a few steps, the cup flying out of his claws and shattering onto the carpet.

"Twilight, what the hay?"

"I'm sorry Spike" Twilight said, smiling sheepishly. "I didn't think you'd be right there."

"Whatever" Spike grumbled. "Just help me clean this up"

"Of course" Twilight's horn ignited in a purple aura as the shattered pieces of the cup were levitated, and brought together. In a flash, the pieces were fused together. "There you go, good as new."

"That's great and all, but what about the stain?"

"It's fine Spike, we can clean it up later."

Twilight sighed, and sat on a chair.

"Something bothering you?" Asked spike, as her sat next to her.

"Oh Spike" She said, squinting her eyes shut and rubbing her forehead with her hoof. "You have no idea. I've got to go to the Magi Council meeting in 3 hours, but I promised pinkie that I'd babysit the Cake twins today!"

"Oooh. Yeah, that's gonna be a problem." Spike grimaced, thinking of the fallout of this.

"I just... I can't believe that I was blind sided like this Spike! I plan around everything, how could I let this slip?"

"Hey, you can still bounce back! You have to have some kind of spell for this right?" Spike said, hopefully smiling at Twilight.

Twilight barked out a humorous laugh. "Unless you know a spell that lets me be in two places at once, I'm not going to be able to 'bounce back' as you put it." A frown firmly settled on her face, and she slumped into her chair even more.

"Well" Said Spike, "What if you didn't need to be in two places at once?"

Twilight turned to Spike and was about to retort, when a look of realization crossed her face. Suddenly grinning, she jumped from her chair and caught Spike in a crushing hug. "Spike, you're a genius!"

"I am? I mean, of course I am." Spike said, trying to look as dignified as possible, though that was rather difficult while he was being hugged. Breaking the hug, Twilight raced to the 'Conjuration' Section of the library. As soon as she reached it, she immediately began taking books of the shelves, flipping through the pages quickly, then setting them aside. As Twilight progressed further and further down the shelves, more and more books started to pile up.

Suddenly, she clutched a book to her chest. "Yes, I finally found it!" She began reading it very quickly her eyes flying from page to page. Spike looked over her shoulder.

"Are you sure Twilight? That spell looks very advanced..."

"Of coarse I'm sure Spike! All I have to do is put in the basic requirements of what I want to summon, and my problems are solved! This has to work."

Standing up from the book, Twilight concentrated on pooling her magic into the spell. This was going to take a lot.

(_____)

The Primordial One was very bored. Excruciatingly bored. Being forced to dwell in the rift between Universes since the beginning of his existence tended to do that to a person. If he had any need to breath, he would have sighed.

If he could, he would pop into the closest Universe and make his existence known to the residences of said place. However, the last time he tried that, the plane of reality couldn't handle his mere presence, and collapsed into itself. That was a particularly nasty bind to get out of, took a good 3 eons to untangle myself.

Perhaps I could visit 'The Outsider' again? He was a rather pleasant fellow. No, I would have to pass through 3 planes of reality to get there, I'd have to wait 6 cycles. How about the so called 'G-man'? No, he is rather unsettling to be around. Not that good at holding a conversation either.

Then he noticed something. Two Universes were unusually close to each other. Looking closer, he peered into one. Ah yes, I remember this one. As he could recall, this particular Universe was usually engulfed in strife, and warfare, constant scientific advancements. He peered into the other.

This one? Oh yes, I see now. This was the Universe that Faust talked so much about. A place of peace, prosperity, and happiness. Most of the time that is.

He suddenly knew what to do. Reaching out to both Universes, he gently pulled until they were almost touching. And for a brief moment he connected to two, for such a small amount of time that the human brain couldn't comprehend it. He quickly separated the two, as to not cause any lasting damage. He quickly settled down to watch.

Why didn't I think of this before?

(_____)

...POWER SOURCE FOUND. ACCESSING...

...ACCESSED. POWER LEVEL AT 76.43% AND STABLE. BEGINNING REBOOT FUNCTIONS.

SYSTEM CHECK...

...What...

...SYSTEM CHECK COMPLETE. BRINGING VISUAL, AUDITORY, SENSOR, MOTOR CONTROL SYSTEMS ONLINE.

What the hell?

SYSTEM REBOOT COMPLETE.

Groaning, Monsoon got to his feet. Where am-

That thought was cut off by his visor adjusting to the environment. In fact all thoughts we're put on hold by what he saw. It appears that he was being observed by a purple unicorn and a small lizard creature. The unicorn looked to have very frazzled hair, and seemed to be panting slightly, and the lizard was walking on it's back legs. He seemed to be inside of a library. The unicorn spoke.

"Oh, hello! Are you an experienced babysitter?"

Computer?

YES.

Initiate a complete restart of all systems, and scan memory banks for viruses. Immediately.

ACKNOWLEDGED. INITIALIZING...

Before Monsoon slipped into unconsciousness, he could see the unicorn look slightly concerned. He disregarded it. Hopefully when I wake up, I'll be slightly more convinced of my sanity.

In Which Twilight Flips Shit

The strange being just... stood there, motionless. Twilight was rather perplexed by the babysitter that she summoned, she didn't expect it would look so... exotic. It was slightly built like a minotaur, though it lacked horns and was significantly thinner. It's legs were jointed differently, and was completely midnight black from head to foot with red highlights on his shoulder and thigh. It's head (Or what she assumed was his head) was completely covered by a strange bulbous red mask.

"Umm... are you positive that this is a babysitter Twilight? What even is it?"

"Don't question the professional Spike, I'm sure he knows what he's doing"

The being was motionless. Twilight shifted slightly, and waited.

Spike coughed into his hand.

...

Somewhere outside, they could hear a cricket.

"Alright! I think that we should bring it over to Pinkies place, so it can get to work!"

"Twilight, I don't think this thing is a ba..."

Spike trailed off as Twilight slowly turned, her ears twitching frantically and the grin of a madmare on her face.

"What was that Spike?"

"Nothing. I didn't say anything."

"Good!"

And just like that, like nothing ever happened Twilight's face returned to (relatively) normal. Her brow furrowed for a second, as she threw a glance towards the unmoved bipedal figure. A small smile passed across her face as an idea sprung to life.

"Spike, can you grab the wagon?"

"Sure thing!" Spike, eager to get out of 'The Blast Radius' scurried down the hallway to fulfill the request. Not 10 seconds later, he was running back with a standard red wagon.

"Gah, I didn't think he would be... grah... so... heavy..." Giving one finial heave with her magic, Twilight finally managed to shove the cyborg onto the wagon. Unfortunately for the wagon, it wasn't designed to hold a several ton military death machine and immediately collapsed to the ground with a bang. The room fell into a strange silence, that was broken by Spike slowly inching towards the door.

"Oooh, that's... that's too bad Twilight, uhh, but I think I can hear Rarity calling for my help, so uh..." Twilight was completely unresponsive, the only sign that she was alive were the slight twitches in her shoulders. "And yeah so it's been great to help out andyeahbye." And with that, Spike bolted out of the house as fast as his legs could take him.

Alone in the living room, Twilight's ear twitched once. There was a deep intake of breath, and then

"aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Pinkie's ear twitched when she heard the scream echo through the town, and that was followed by a tail twirl and the overwhelming desire to eat paste. A massive grin sprinted across her face as she gazed out the window.

"This is gonna be one hay of a doozy!"