Pharaoh Moans

by MythrilMoth

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 8241

A group of mummified Sphinxes are resurrected and set out to...mildly annoy Ponyville.

Sphinxes. Creatures from ancient Anugypt, shrouded in mystery, myth, and superstition.

When an archaeology caravan passes through Ponyville carrying the find of the century--four mummified sphinxes--an ancient Anugyptian curse awakens and regenerates the Sphinx Queen Neferkitti and her retainers.

Now, four mysterious creatures from another place and time are on the loose...and mildly annoying the citizens of Ponyville.

(Cover art by zimvader42, used with permission.)

Published 2015-10-27 00:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-27 00:26:55 UTC

Beware of the Curse!

On a clear morning in Ponyville, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie gathered for a picnic brunch in their favorite grassy part of the park.

"Twilight's late," Rainbow grumbled.

No sooner had she said this than Princess Twilight Sparkle swooped into view, Spike riding on her back. Twilight let out a joyful whoop of delight as she landed by her friends; Spike hopped down and took a seat next to Rarity. "Good morni~ing, girls!" Twilight said.

"Good morning, Twilight!" Rarity replied. "You're certainly in high spirits this morning!"

"With good reason!" Twilight said cheerfully. A scroll floated out of her backpack and unrolled in the middle of the picnic blanket. The others leaned in for a closer look...

THE EQUESTRIAN EQUINOLOGICAL HISTORY SOCIETY PROUDLY PRESENTS

A TRAVELLING EXHIBITION OF ANCIENT ANUGYPTIAN RELICS

MEET THE QUEEN OF THE SPHINXES, NEFERKITTI!

THIS WEEK AT PONYVILLE TOWN HALL

Proceeds go to the EEHS to fund future research

"Uhh...okay...so?" Rainbow asked, tilting her head.

"So?" Twilight repeated. "So, this is an important cultural exhibit! They found THE tomb of THE Neferkitti! They're bringing HER mummified remains HERE to Ponyville!"

"That's nice," Rainbow said. "Let's eat."

"Rainbow Dash!" Rarity chided. "I happen to agree with Twilight! This is a rare opportunity to examine real, historical Anugyptian artifacts in vérité!" She raised a hoof to her chest. "Why...this could be just the inspiration I need for a new summer line! Beat the heat with Sheikh Chic!"

"Sheikhs are Saddle Arabian, not Anugyptian, and it isn't even pronounced that way," Fluttershy said. "Oh, but, umm...I look forward to your new fashion line. Oh, and the exhibit." She smiled. "Sphinxes are fascinating!"

"I hear they really knew how to party back in those days!" Pinkie said. "Oh, except for the whole mummification thing. That sounds super painful."

"I'm pretty sure they only do that to you after you're already dead, Pinkie Pie," Twilight pointed out.

"Hey, I'm tryin' to eat here!" Rainbow cried.

"Well y'all have a mighty good time with all that mummy business," Applejack said. "Me an' RD'll sit this one out."

"Yeah, sounds pretty boring," Rainbow agreed around a mouthful of fruit and pastry.

"Suit yourself," Twilight said. "The rest of you are coming, right?"

"Of course!" Rarity said.

"You bet!" Pinkie added.

"Well...mummies might be a little scary," Fluttershy said, "but...yes."

"Woohoo!" With that decided, brunch proceeded as usual, with the regular amount of eating, small talk, and horseplay.

* * * * *

Several large covered wagons stood in a circle around Ponyville Town Hall. Burly stallions were unfurling and setting up large canvas canopies between the Town Hall building itself and the wagons, creating a large, covered exhibition pavilion. Others were hauling steamer trunks and crates out of the wagons, spreading them around on a hastily-scattered floor of hay. A dark grey unicorn mare with a neon orange mane cut in a short, razor-straight pageboy trotted around the pavilion, shouting orders and berating workers.

Amid the chaos, a scrawny unicorn stallion wandered around, his nose stuck in a floating book. He had a deep rose-red coat and a medium-length, curly mane and tail the color of sand; his Cutie Mark depicted an open book in front of a pyramid. A pair of half-moon reading glasses was perched upon his muzzle. He was so absorbed in his book that he ran right into one of the workers who was perched precariously against a support pole. The worker wobbled and crashed, taking the pole down with him. All around the pavilion, workers whinnied and shouted as, one by one, all the support poles went down; the canvas flopped down over the workers, the crates, the trunks, and the wagons.

An amber aura surrounded the canvas, lifting it away, and the grey mare marched up to the red stallion angrily. "VATCH VHERE YOU ARE GOINK, YOU DUMMKOPF!" she shouted.

"S-sorry, Dr. Glow!" the stallion stammered, backing away and knocking over a trunk. A muffled crash of breaking antiques sounded from inside. His eyes widened. "Oh no..."

"OUT! GET OUT! GO INTO TOWN AND STAY OUT OF ZE VAY!" Dr. Glow yelled. "IF YOU VERE NOT ZE FOREMOST EXPERT ON ANCIENT ANUGYPTIAN HEIROGLYPHS, I VOULD NEVER HAFF BROUGHT YOU ALONG!"

"Well I'm sorry if I'm a bit clumsy!" the stallion huffed indignantly, turning to leave, his book floating alongside him. "Honestly!"

Dr. Glow shook her head, muttering under her breath as the scrawny stallion left. After a minute, she looked around at the workers. "Vell? Clean zis up und GET BACK TO VORK!"

* * * * *

Rosetta Stone was, in his opinion, the most put-upon member of the Equestrian Equinological History Society. For that matter, he was the most put-upon pony in Equestria, period.

His parents had wanted a mare, and he'd inherited his mother's coat and mane colors, but in reverse, as well as her natural wavy locks. This gave him an overall effeminate appearance which had led to quite a bit of confusion and teasing growing up.

Having been saddled with a rather effeminate name didn't help matters.

Still, he'd done his best to persevere from an early age. Born in Trottingham, he'd been raised and educated in Manehattan, where he'd quickly discovered an interest bordering on obsession in ancient history. By age seven, he'd begun studying Anugypt. At age nine, he could decipher Anugyptian heiroglyphs. He was the first colt in his class to get his Cutie Mark.

That none of his classmates understood his Cutie Mark led to further teasing.

When he reached his teenage years, he developed a terrible clumsy streak, as well as nearsightedness from hours upon hours of reading dusty old books in poor light. His nearsightedness had not grown noticeably worse over the years, but his clumsiness had become a chronic source of distress, both for himself and those around him. He'd been fired from three jobs during his college years.

Following graduation, he was sought out by the Equestrian Equinological History Society, which desperately needed an expert on ancient Anugyptian language and culture. His boss and coworkers had learned to put up with his clumsiness, albeit begrudgingly, because what he lacked in grace and refinement, he more than made up for in raw intellect.

He had few friends inside of work or out, choosing to devote all his time to reading and studying. Dealing with other ponies simply wasn't his forte.

Recently, the most exciting thing to ever happen in his life had taken him to Anugypt itself and the ruins of Lionaptra, the City of the Sphinxes, long believed to be a myth. Over the course of a six month excavation, he'd translated hundreds of inscriptions, seen the inside of an actual tomb, and watched as the archaeologists exhumed four intact sphinx mummies, one of which was Queen Neferkitti herself.

Now, the artifacts removed from Lionaptra were part of a travelling exhibit, circling Equestria before being delivered to the Manehattan Museum of Antiquities for permanent display.

The only reason the Equestrian Equinological History Society chose to exhibit the sphinxes in Ponyville was because a princess happened to live there.

Rosetta Stone sighed as he set his sights on a small outdoor cafe a brisk trot away from the town hall. His present boss, Dr. Amber Glow, was constantly on his case for one thing or another.

Alright, so he'd klutzed up and knocked down the pavilion they'd spent the better part of two hours setting up. Accidents happened.

And maybe he'd broken some priceless artifact inside that trunk. Half the stuff in those trunks was already broken anyway.

Rosetta Stone sat down, his book floating in front of him. A minute later, he heard a throat clearing loudly. He looked up to see a waiter.

"May I take your order?" the waiter asked brusquely.

"Oh...umm..." Rosetta Stone frowned, scratching his head with a hoof.

"I recommend the alfalfa salad with Balsamic vinaigrette," a mare's voice said. "In fact, I'm about to have that myself."

The waiter gasped. "Your Highness!"

Rosetta Stone looked up and to his right. There, not two feet away, was Princess Twilight Sparkle. His eyes widened.

Twilight smiled. "Do you mind if I join you? My friends are all busy right now and I hate eating alone."

"Uhh...of...of course," Rosetta Stone said, his mouth working. "I mean...of course."

Twilight giggled and sat down. "So, that'll be two alfalfa salads and two glasses of white grape juice with a cranberry twist," she said.

"Of course, Your Highness," the waiter said, bowing before wandering off.

"Are you here with the Sphinx exhibit?" Twilight asked.

"Huh? Oh. Yes. Yes...err, Your Highness..."

"Please, just call me Twilight," Twilight said with a smile. "And you are?"

"Oh, uhh...Rosetta Stone, Your Hi—err, Princess Twilight."

"Rosetta Stone. That's an unusual name for a stallion."

Rosetta Stone blushed. "It's a long story," he said. "My parents wanted a filly..."

"Oh my," Twilight said. She glanced at his book. "What are you reading?"

"Oh...I'm going over my translations of the heiroglyphs from the tomb," Rosetta Stone said. "I, uhh...I spent weeks down in the tomb, reading...translating..." He gestured with his hooves. "I like to double-check and triple-check my work. Make sure I got everything, you know, uh...right."

"I know what you mean, I double-check and triple-check everything myself," Twilight said. "So you're a translator?"

"Translator, researcher...I've been good with Anugyptian heiroglyphs since I was a colt."

"That's amazing! I've tried to learn to read them, but I've never gotten my mind around them."

The food arrived, and Rosetta Stone realized he was quite thirsty. He drained half his juice in one gulp.

"I'm so excited to see the exhibit," Twilight said. "To think I'll see a real mummified sphinx!"

"Four mummified sphinxes," Rosetta Stone corrected absently.

Twilight blinked. "FOUR?!"

"Oh yes," Rosetta Stone said. "Queen Neferkitti was buried with her daughter and her two top retainers. Sphinx society death rituals were quite elaborate and severe."

"How fascinating!" Twilight leaned forward eagerly. "Tell me more!"

"Well..." Rosetta Stone took a bite of his salad. It was quite good. "As you know, while ponies existed in Anugypt, they were largely slaves to the jackal civilization, founded and led by King Anubis. That was before Baast, leader of the Cat Tribe, led a revolution against the jackals and freed the ponies." Rosetta Stone adjusted his glasses. "Baast and her followers worshipped the mythical Sphinxes, who were believed to have founded their own separate city-state, Lionaptra, in a region outside Anubis' kingdom. The Sphinxes were half-lion, half-pony creatures of legend with mystical powers. Depending on which legends you believe, they could seduce any male creature, shred stone with their claws, even cause unnatural storms. They were believed to be the source of desert mirages. There is even a legend of an oasis filled with fresh cream, said to be the guidepost for finding Lionaptra. Of course, no such oasis ever existed, but..." Rosetta Stone's glasses took on an eager gleam to match his grin. "Lionaptra itself did, and we found it."

Twilight gasped. "Lionaptra is real? You've actually been there?"

"Where do you think we found Queen Neferkitti?"

"That's amazing!" Twilight said. "Oh, I'd love to see it!"

"Well..." Rosetta Stone frowned. "I'm sure being a princess and all, you can...probably persuade the EEHS to allow you into the ruins. Just don't expect to see much. Everything worth seeing down there is over at your town hall."

"Oh, but just to see the ruins of the city itself would be so incredible!"

"Oh, it is, believe me!" Rosetta Stone gushed.

Twilight took several quick bites of her salad. "Listen, I've got to run, I have things I'm supposed to take care of, but...I'd love to hear more about Lionaptra. Are you going to be busy this evening? Oh, I'm sure you are, what with setting up the exhibit and all..."

"Actually..." Rosetta Stone tilted his head. "I believe I should have some free time. I, uhh..." He ducked his head. "The workponies and my boss don't...really want me around right now."

"Why not?"

"I'm...a little bit clumsy," Rosetta Stone said, chuckling. "Actually, the reason I'm not over at the exhibit right now is I, uh...sort of made a huge mess..."

Twilight giggled. "I know a few ponies like that." She finished her juice. "Anyway, why don't you come up to the castle this evening? You can tell me all about Lionaptra. Maybe give me a heads-up on what I can expect to see at the exhibit?"

Rosetta Stone smiled bashfully. "I...I think I'd rather like that."

"Great! See you around sunset!" Twilight tossed several bits onto the table and flew away.

Rosetta Stone watched her depart. "Wow."

* * * * *

Just before sunset, Twilight Sparkle led Rosetta Stone into her massive crystal castle. "This...this is unbelievable," Rosetta Stone said. "I've known castles, but this..."

"I know, right?" Twilight said with a giggle. "I've had this place a while now and I'm still getting used to it. Come on up to the library!"

The two ponies took tea in the library as Rosetta Stone alternated between gazing around in wonder and gushing over Lionaptra. Twilight listened raptly, smiling throughout his discourse. "But the most curious thing," Rosetta Stone said, examining his translations, "is the section which seemed to detail an ancient Anugyptian curse."

"A curse?" Twilight laughed. "How silly!"

"Oh, but the Anugyptians were very superstitious," Rosetta Stone said. "Listen to this: 'Sealed lest her reign bring ruin upon the Kingdom, the Sphinx Queen has been stripped of her nine lives and surrendered to the desert, dry of flesh and sealed in stone. For the good of all who live, do not unseal the resting place of the Queen, do not bring forth her dessicated flesh from the sands, and above all, no matter what, you must heed this final warning, and never speak aloud these cursed words." He turned the page, glanced up at Twilight, and read, "Regdab regdab regdab regdab moorhsum, moorhsum! Ekans, ekans, ho-a'sti ekans!"

Twilight blinked. "What the hay does that mean?"

"I don't know," Rosetta Stone said. "I'm still trying to make sense of it. It doesn't even seem to be Anugyptian, just..." He shook his head. "Anyway, it's silly nonsense made up by superstitious and ignorant ponies of a bygone era."

* * * * *

As night fell across Equestria and the workers from the exhibit slept in their rooms at the inn, one of the larger crates underneath the reconstructed pavilion began to shake. After rattling around for several minutes, the crate burst open, curled wood shavings peeling away from the broken boards. A dusty, dessicated claw wrapped in ancient bandages erupted from the broken crate, followed by a mummified feline body.

A dry, otherworldly yowl rent the still night air...

The 1st Plague: Water into Milk

"VHAT IN ALL OF EQUESTRIA HAS HAPPENED HERE?!"

When Amber Glow and her assistants arrived at the exhibit pavilion, they found everything in shambles...again.

The crates and trunks were smashed to pieces, ransacked. The canvas was shredded. The support posts had been scratched up.

Worst of all, the four mummies were missing.

"This is a disaster!" one of the pegasi with the caravan exclaimed, clutching his head with his hooves.

"This is a catastrophe!" an earth pony wailed, swooning.

"This is a mess," a unicorn mare said with a shake of her head.

"Good morning, esteemed colleagues!" Rosetta Stone called cheerfully as he trotted up the road from the castle. "Are we ready to thrill and delight the good ponies of Ponyville with—" He trailed off, blinking as he surveyed the destruction. "Oh. Oh dear."

Amber Glow rounded on him. "DU!" she screeched. "HAFF YOU DONE ZIS?!"

"How could I possibly have—"

"Why would you suspect this pony of causing this?" a calm voice asked from behind Rosetta Stone.

"BECAUSE HE IST EIN DUMMKOPF, UND—" Amber Glow trailed off as she realized she was addressing none other than Princess Twilight Sparkle. "Und..."

"And Rosetta Stone was my guest at my castle all night last night," Twilight said. She blinked as the implications of her statement caught up to her, and blushed. "Umm, we were discussing Anugypt, and Lionaptra! I was fascinated by his studies and translations." She looked around at the ruined exhibit. "Could this have been the work of thieves?"

Amber Glow frowned. "Perhaps," she admitted. "Ve vere carrying many priceless treasures of ancient Anugypt. But..." She scratched her chin. "Surely thieves vould haff been more...careful."

Rosetta Stone carefully picked his way among the ruins of the exhibit. "My word," he said. "If I didn't know better, I'd say it looked as though an entire herd of angry cats went through here." He lifted a slat from a broken crate in his magic, tilting it around. "See the way the wood here is curled? Mum's old ginger used to do this to the furniture..."

"Yeah, Rosie, I...don't think cats did this," the pegasus said.

"Wait a second," Twilight said as she joined Rosetta Stone in inspecting the debris. She poked at part of a crate with her hoof. "Look at the way the boards are scattered. Isn't this right here the inside part of the crate?"

"I think so," Rosetta Stone said.

Twilight looked around at everypony. "Then why's this side all scratched up?" She shook her head, then turned her attention to Amber Glow. "Are you in charge here?"

"Ja."

"I need to know everything that's missing," Twilight said. "A complete inventory of all the artifacts, so I'll be able to organize a search and investigation."

"Of course, Your Highness," Amber Glow said, bowing.

"The main thing missing are the mummies," the other unicorn mare in the group said. "Who'd steal four mummies, though?"

"Yeah," agreed the earth pony mare. "I mean, the royal headdress of Neferkitti and the various jewelry and such, those are valuable, but..."

"But mummies...it wouldn't make sense to steal those," Twilight agreed with a frown. "Unless..." She shook her head. "We need to look for clues..."

"TWILIGHT!" a voice yelled from high above. Rainbow Dash swooped down, braking in midair. "There's somethin' REALLY weird goin' on!"

Twilight looked up. "What is it, Rainbow Dash? And can you handle it without me? We've got a crisis here—"

"PONYVILLE'S got a crisis!" Rainbow interrupted. She frowned. "Well, not so much a crisis as something just plain freakin' weird, but..." She shook her head. "No, it's definitely a crisis! Twilight," she said, grabbing Twilight's face with her hooves, "all the water in Ponyville has turned into milk!"

"WHAT?!" Twilight yelled, teleporting two paces away and flaring her wings. "What do you mean all the water in Ponyville has turned into milk?"

"I mean all the water," Rainbow said slowly, making a waves-on-water motion with her hooves, "has turned," she made a turning motion, "into MILK," she finished, pantomiming milking a cow.

Twilight groaned. "Well that sounds like Discord," she said, "but I thought he was in Canterlot..."

"Excuse me," Amber Glow interrupted, stepping forward. "Did you say all ze vater in town has turned into milk?"

"How many freakin' times do I gotta say it?" Rainbow cried, throwing her hooves up in frustration.

The earth pony from the EEHS began trembling. "The curse," she said quietly. "The curse!" Without warning, she tore off into town at full gallop, screaming at the top of her lungs. "BEWARE OF THE CURSE!"

Twilight blinked at this, then turned to Amber Glow. "Would you mind explaining that?" she asked.

Amber Glow frowned. "Zere iz zis ancient Anugyptian curse," she said. "Ze curse says ze Queen of ze Sphinxes vill rise again und valk ze vorld as ein abomination..."

"That old nonsense?" Rosetta Stone said, snorting and scoffing. "I was just telling the Princess about that last night. Why, I even read her my transcription of the heiroglyphs from Lionaptra!"

Amber Glow froze. "You...you read ze vords from ze tomb?"

"Well, yes."

"Out loud?"

"That is how it generally works..."

Amber Glow got in Rosetta Stone's face, glaring angrily and snorting steam. "DUMMKOPF!" She began waving her hooves around. "YOU HAFF DOOMED US ALL!"

Rosetta Stone drew back, then laughed. "Oh, Dr. Glow...surely you don't believe in all this curse rot! It's silly superstition!"

"Anugyptian curses aren't something you screw around with, lad," the EEHS pegasus said softly. "According to legend, sphinx magic was powerful, chaotic, dark, and dangerous."

Twilight stepped forward, frowning. "Excuse me," she said. "Are you saying you believe four ancient, dessicated, mummified sphinxes have returned from the dead?"

"Ja," Amber Glow said, nodding. "Ze vater into ze milk iz ze first sign. Ze first of ze nine plagues, prophesied by ze ancient pony slaves of Anugypt."

"Nine lives, nine plagues," her compatriot agreed. "As the Sphinx Queen regains each of her nine lives, the plagues will fall one by one."

"Ven all nine of ze plagues have befallen Equestria, ze curse vill be consummated, und ze Sphinx Queen will be fully restored, mit all ze vast und horrible power she once possessed," Amber Glow said.

"Come on," Twilight said with a laugh. "This is...this is silly! I'm sure this whole thing is Discord, or...or something simple..."

Rosetta Stone frowned, examining the broken crates and shredded canvas again. "It...it does look as though the crates were clawed...from the inside..."

The ponies looked around at each other.

Twilight's ears wilted. "Oh horseapples..."

* * * * *

A long strip of dry, dusty bandages fell to the ground beside a lake full of milk. A rough tongue lapped up milk, slapping against dry, dessicated lips that were slowly regaining moisture and color.

"Ahh...that hits the spot." More bandages fell to the ground.

A mostly grey, emaciated sphinx with sunken, shriveled eyes, a thin, ragged mane, and wilted wings stretched. Ragged holes in her parchment-like hide revealed dessicated flesh, ravaged by centuries beneath the sands.

Around her stood three other shriveled, dessicated sphinxes, still wrapped in bandages. Two of them were carrying piles of gold and jewels. "Mewyet, Hennutawny," the unwrapped mummy said, "my royal dressings."

"Yes, my Queen," the two mummies carrying the gold said. Working swiftly, they adorned Queen Neferkitti with her crown and an assortment of jewels.

"Much better," Neferkitti said. She turned to the last of the mummies. "Drink, Ankhsenpawten. You must regain your strength. We have much to do."

"Will you find him, Mother? Will you find Prince Tomcathep?"

"Yes, my daughter. I will have my prince. And then," Neferkitti said, "I will consummate the curse, and we will rule. The cats, the jackals, and the ponies...all will bow before their rightful Queen..."

The 2nd Plague: Cats

"I hereby call this emergency meeting of the Council of Friendship to order," Twilight said.

As time was a factor, Twilight had hurriedly sent a message to Celestia, told Spike to watch the castle and report anything amiss, then appropriated Town Hall for use as an impromptu gathering place for her friends, who all stood around, confused and concerned. "The...Council of Friendship?" Rainbow asked. "Seriously? We're going with that now?"

"First Ah heard of it," Applejack said.

"I like it!" Pinkie Pie said with a grin.

"Girls, focus," Twilight said. She gestured to the two unicorns standing beside her. "This is Rosetta Stone, and this is Dr. Amber Glow. They're with the EEHS, and the foremost experts on ancient Anugypt available."

The girls blinked at the two unicorns.

"Uhh...which one's which?" Rainbow asked. "I mean, those are both mares' names, but..."

Rosetta Stone dipped his head, his ears wilting.

"Rainbow Dash!" Rarity snapped. "Honestly!" She smiled placatingly at Rosetta Stone. "Do ignore her, Dr. Glow—"

Amber Glow coughed. "I am Dr. Glow," she said. "Zis dummkopf is Rosetta Stone."

"Oh. I do apologize."

"ANYWAY," Twilight said loudly, stepping forward and flaring her wings, "we have a crisis on our hooves."

"Tell me about it," Applejack said. "Ah can't water apple trees with milk!"

"Too much milk is bad for my animals," Fluttershy said. "And some of them are lactose intolerant!"

"Yes, the milk is a bad thing, but it's not the real crisis," Twilight said. "At least, if what the EEHS ponies say is happening is true."

"I kinda hope it is," Rainbow said, fluttering her wings excitedly. "Because fighting mummies sounds awesome!"

"M-mummies?!" Fluttershy gasped, shrinking back. "Oh...oh my..."

"Excuse me darling," Rarity said. "Did you say...mummies? As in...as in the Anugyptian mummies from the exhibit?"

"Yes," Twilight said. "Apparently, some sort of ancient curse has brought the mummified sphinxes to life, and they're...well...missing."

"Curses an' mummies?" Applejack asked, scratching her head. "Ain't that jes' th' kinda thing you always say is silly nonsense?"

"Ordinarily, yes," Twilight said. "But we're dealing with sphinxes here, and to be honest, we don't really know what they're capable of." She frowned and began to pace. "According to these esteemed ponies, there are nine plagues which accompany this curse. The first plague is water turning into milk." She glanced at Amber Glow for confirmation.

Amber Glow nodded. "Ja. As Queen Neferkitti regenerates her nine lives, ze nine plagues vill fall upon ze land. Her dark power vill grow, und Equestria vill be plunged into chaos."

"So whadda we do to stop it?" Rainbow asked.

Amber Glow shook her head. "Ich weiss nicht," she said. "According to legend, Queen Neferkitti vas sealed avay because ze ancients feared she vould become as great a threat to ponykind as ze jackal king. Ze pony slaves took Lionaptra in ze dead of night und killed ze Queen eight times, zen mummified und buried her alive in her ninth life."

"Why didn't they just kill her nine times?" Pinkie asked. "I mean, wouldn't that have made more sense?"

"It's all very complicated," Rosetta Stone said, adjusting his glasses. "It has to do with religion and superstition and the afterlife and...well, it's all very complicated."

"In any case," Amber Glow continued, "Queen Neferkitti vas entombed beneath Lionaptra mit her daughter und her two faithful retainers, also mummified in their ninth lives." She started to pace. "Mit ze invocation of ze curse, zese ancient mummies now roam free, und ze nine plagues vill herald ze Sphinx Queen's return."

"So...what do we do?" Rainbow repeated slowly.

Twilight sighed. "For now, the six of us need to try to find and contain the sphinxes while Rosetta Stone and Dr. Glow research a way to put a stop to this." She turned to the two unicorns. "My library is at your disposal. It probably won't have much that'll be of use with this, but until Princess Celestia gets our message and contacts your colleagues, it's the best we've got."

"We'll do our best, Your Highness," Rosetta Stone said.

"Thank you," Twilight said. "Okay, girls, let's move out!"

"Yeah!" Pinkie cheered, jumping up in the air. "We'll round up this pissy pussy posse in no time!"

The doors to Town Hall opened in Twilight's magical aura, and the six friends strode boldly and confidently out into the streets of Ponyville...

...right into a massive swarm of angry, hissing cats.

"...right after we round up this pissy pussy posse," Pinkie Pie said, her ears drooping.

"The second plague," Rosetta Stone said gravely. "The plague of cats."

"Komm, dummkopf," Amber Glow said brusquely. "Ve haff vork to do."

* * * * *

Ponyville was overrun with hundreds of cats of all shapes and sizes, stampeding through the streets, yowling, hissing, spitting, and scratching. Everywhere one looked, ponies could be seen running in panic.

"The horror! THE HORROR!" Lily Valley screamed before fainting right into the furry frenzy.

Lyra Heartstrings stood on the tips of all four hooves on the back of the bench she and Bon Bon had been sitting on moments earlier. "Where did all these cats come from?"

Bon Bon frowned. "This is a real catastrophe," she said. "I had a feeling a cataclysm was just over the horizon." She sighed. "I guess this is just how it is...even though the bugbear's been catapulted back to Tartarus, I still can't catch a break..."

Lyra's right eye twitched.

"I wonder what the catalyst is—MMPH!" Lyra seized a random cat with her magic and rubbed it in Bon Bon's face.

"Just...no," Lyra said.

* * * * *

"AH-CHOO!"

Cranky Doodle Donkey's toupee flew across the room from the force of his sneeze, landing on one of the many cats that had gotten into the cottage. The cat yowled and started clawing the nearest thing—which happened to be Matilda.

"GAH!" Matilda screamed. "Cranky, do something!"

"I ca-cuh-CHOO! Can't!" Cranky said. "I'm alluh-huh-herCHOO!"

"SCAT, cats!" Matilda shouted, bucking cats left and right as Cranky sneezed his head off.

* * * * *

"My cello!" Octavia cried, curling up into a ball and whimpering as several cats used her beloved cello as a scratching post.

Vinyl Scratch frowned and cranked up her bass cannon, then dropped a beat that literally blew the cats that had invaded their house straight out the front door.

* * * * *

"GREAT WHICKERING STALLIONS! GET OFF OF THAT THIS INSTANT! IT ISN'T—"

*ZAP* "HREEEEOWL!"

"—safe..."

* * * * *

"H-hey! I was saving that milk for muffin time! AH! No, don't eat those! W-wait...I think I have a fish muffin here somewhere..."

"Why would you have a fish muffin...?"

"The Muffin of the Month Club sends me some very strange things sometimes..."

* * * * *

"N-no, please, don't go that way...oh, why won't you listen to me?" Fluttershy flew this way and that down a street full of yowling cats and panicking ponies. She tried desperately to get the cats to listen to her, but they were going completely berserk. She'd managed to get a few of them in line and behaving, but compared to the absolute chaos the rest of the cats were causing, it was like taking a little tiny baby sip of a lake.

"Fluttershy, can't you use your Stare on these cats?" Twilight asked from beside her.

"On this many cats all at once?" Fluttershy asked. "Twilight, my Stare can only do so much! Besides, that only works on critters that are doing what comes naturally to them. This isn't normal!"

"HELP!" a group of fillies screamed. Fluttershy and Twilight watched as a swelling wave of cats crashed down the street, carrying the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Silver Spoon, and Diamond Tiara on their backs.

"Oh my goodness," Fluttershy whispered. She swooped down; Twilight followed behind her. Working together, they rescued the five fillies and deposited them on a nearby rooftop.

"Stay up here, girls," Twilight said. "Just until we get this mess straightened out."

"Whut's goin' on, Twilight?" Apple Bloom asked, visibly freaked out. "Whut's with all these crazy cats?"

"Yeah, this is a real CAT-astrophe!" Scootaloo said. Silver Spoon punched her in the side.

"It's, well...a mummy's curse," Twilight said. "Come on, Fluttershy! We've got work to do!"

"R-right..."

As the two mares swept off again, the fillies looked at each other excitedly. "Did you hear that?" Scootaloo asked, her wings buzzing. "A mummy's curse!"

"Ah thought curses weren't real," Apple Bloom said with a frown.

"Yeah, but that's like, zebra curses," Sweetie Belle said. "If Twilight says there's a mummy's curse, then there's definitely a mummy's curse." She looked at her two best friends. "And you know what that means."

The Crusaders' faces slowly lit up with maniacal grins.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS CURSE BREAKERS!"

"SERIOUSLY?!" Silver Spoon shouted. "You already HAVE your Cutie Marks! You're STILL gonna go off and do something completely hare-brained that'll probably end in epic fail?!"

Apple Bloom shrugged. "Well...yeah," she said. "It's kinda whut we do."

Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara looked at each other and shrugged.

"We're in," they said together.

* * * * *

"Git...down...outta...them...trees!" Big Macintosh huffed as he swatted ineffectually at cats with a rake. With a frustrated growl, he dropped the rake, turned, and bucked the tree. Cats and apples fell like rain.

A lithe form glided down from the sky, landing in front of him. It wasn't a pony, or any other creature he'd ever seen—and yet he'd read enough in his spare time to recognize her as a sphinx. Her mane was mostly grey, but some of it was glossy, shiny black. Almost half of her body had old, nasty bandages wrapped haphazardly around it, some hanging off and trailing behind her like toilet paper. Her hide was a mix of bold golden pelt and withered, dried grey hairless skin. Instead of hooves, she had a lion's paws; a thin, whiplike cat tail lashed behind her.

Bright blue eyes stared at him from a face that was mostly dessicated; only the end of her muzzle and some of the flesh around her ears showed any vitality. She wore an ornate gold headdress and a necklace dripping with jewels.

She smiled at him, licking her lips. "You are fine and strong," she said. "You would serve me well. Become my slave, and your rewards—"

She passed her paw over an apple that lay on the ground. It turned to solid gold.

"—will be great."

Big Mac frowned. "Nnnnope," he rumbled.

The sphinx scowled. Another, slightly smaller sphinx stepped into view. The wind stirred at his sides, and Big Mac turned his head this way and that to see two mummies flanking him.

The sphinx standing before him raised one paw, baring curved, sharp claws. "Let me put it another way," she said. "Become my slave, or your entire farm becomes my scratching post...AND my litterbox."

Big Mac stomped a hoof. "Try it."

The sphinx smiled...and lashed out at the nearest tree. Big Mac watched in horror as her claws tore straight through the trunk, leaving deep gashes. The tree listed perilously to the right.

"Willoughby!" Big Mac cried in anguish. "You monster!"

The sphinx licked her claws, fixing her eyes imperiously on him.

Big Mac sighed, his ears wilting. "Do Ah still git th' gold?"

The sphinx laughed. "If you serve me well." She flicked her tail across his nose as she walked past him. "Come, slave."

"Eeyup..."

The 3rd Plague: Yarn

An ordinary morning at Canterlot University was shattered by a shout of urgent desperation.

"DISCORD!"

Ponies whipped their heads around as Princess Celestia burst into the lecture hall. At the front of the room, Discord, wearing a tweed jacket with patches on the elbows and smoking a pipe, stood behind a podium. The blackboard behind him had "CHAOS THEORY" written on it.

"Ah, hello, Princess Celestia. Come to sit in on my lecture?"

Celestia strode purposefully down the aisle, drawing excited murmurs and whispers. "Discord, there's an emergency down in Ponyville. Twilight Sparkle could use your help." She looked around at the startled faces of the students, then frowned. "Come with me, we should discuss this in private." In a golden flash, she was gone.

"Well, students, it appears you're going to have a free period," Discord said sadly. "For our next class, please read pages 327 through 243, in that order, in the textbooks I'll be giving you next Thursday." With that, he vanished, leaving a crowd of confused collegiates staring at each other and shrugging.

Discord found Celestia in the tower which once belonged to Twilight Sparkle. "And how may I be of assistance this fine day, Celestia?"

Celestia whipped around sharply. "What do you know of ancient Anugyptian curses?"

Discord blinked. "Anugyptian curses? You'll need to be more specific, I'm afraid. Every Anugyptian tribe had curses for everything from locusts to hangnails."

"The curse of Queen Neferkitti."

Discord's eyes fell out of his head. Then his head fell off his body. Then the rest of his mismatched parts fell apart. His eyes blinked up at Celestia. "Ne-Neferkitti?"

"Yes. Neferkitti."

Discord reassembled himself and shuddered. "Don't tell me some idiot actually brought her back from the dead."

"According to the report from Twilight Sparkle, that is precisely what has happened," Celestia said. "Already, all the water in Ponyville has turned into milk, and I've just received word that—"

"Cats, cats, yes, I know," Discord said distractedly. "And it's only going to get stranger from there." He chuckled. "They really knew how to party in those days."

Celestia groaned. "Discord...please, I'm asking you, go to Ponyville and—"

"Oh, I would love to, Your Highness, but I'm afraid I can't," Discord said.

Celestia frowned. "You would refuse me, after I have forgiven you time and again and you have yet to fully regain my trust?"

Discord sighed. "Look, Celie baby..." He put a paw around Celestia and leaned close. "Just between you and me...this is literally a problem I can't help with."

Celestia brushed his paw off and stepped aside, then glanced at him. "I'm afraid I don't understand," she said. "Is not chaos your area of expertise?"

Discord grimaced. "I know it sounds like chaos magic, which is right up my alley, and if it were that simple, I'd put Ponyville right in a heartbeat...well, maybe. If a certain purple pony princess asked nicely. But the thing is...I can't counteract anything Neferkitti does."

"And why is that?"

"Because Neferkitti's power comes from the one type of magic neither of us has any dominion over," Discord said. "The magic of death."

Celestia frowned in confusion. "I don't quite follow."

Discord began to pace, puffing on the pipe which had reappeared along with the tweed jacket. "You and Luna control the sun and the moon, both of which give life and nourishment, yes?"

Celestia nodded.

"And all you ponies that control the weather, the seasons, the animals...everything pony magic does is, in some way or another, ultimately tied to the very lifeforce of Equestria, am I right?"

"Yes, of course," Celestia agreed. "Even dark magic such as King Sombra's is, in its own way, part of the balance of nature."

"Which is why it's impossible to destroy dark magic altogether," Discord said. "Only suppress it." He blew a smoke ring shaped like a hawk eating a snake. "The same is true of chaos magic." He gave Celestia a sharp, piercing look. "Tell me, Celestia. In all the time you've known me, in all the quarrels we've had...during all that time I ruled Equestria and amused myself with all your precious little ponies..." He narrowed his eyes. "Did I ever once kill a single one of your subjects?"

Celestia blinked, her brow furrowing. "I...honestly don't know," she admitted. "I don't remember anypony ever actually dying back then, but things were very chaotic, and—"

"The answer is no," Discord interrupted. "I have never taken a life. Turned ponies upside down, brainwashed them, driven them insane, flung them into other dimensions, yes. And yes, those are terrible things and I assure you I'm quite ashamed of myself." He tossed his pipe into the air; it turned into a flying fish and swam through a wall. "But at no point in all my long years of life have I ever directly caused the death of another living being. And do you know why that is?"

"I'm almost afraid to ask," Celestia said, a faintly nauseated look on her face.

"Because death is the ultimate expression of order," Discord said. "Death is an absolute. It is the inescapable finality of life. It is the very antithesis of chaos." He cracked his back and let out a loud sigh.

Celestia blinked, her muzzle crinkling. "That...is very profound, actually," she said. "And makes quite a bit of sense. But I don't understand what it has to do with what is most assuredly chaos running loose in Ponyville."

Discord sighed. "Celestia, the dead coming back to life is...it's unnatural. It defies the order of the world. It spits in the face of an absolute law of existence." He gave Celestia the most solemn, serious look she'd ever seen on his face. "Life is chaos, Celestia. Life is chaos, and death is order. Now, given that, what do you think undeath is?"

Celestia frowned. "An abomination."

"An abomination," Discord repeated, "which will resist the magic of life in every form."

"Including yours," Celestia said, comprehension dawning. She shook her head. "So how can we stop Neferkitti, if the magic of life won't work against her or her curse?"

Discord sighed. "You just answered your own question," he said.

Celestia paused, tilting her head. As the answer came to her, she went pale, her ears and wings drooping.

* * * * *

The situation in Ponyville had deteriorated by lunchtime.

Despite their best efforts, Twilight Sparkle and her friends had completely failed to make any headway against the tidal wave of cats swarming through Ponyville. Other ponies were trying to help, but so many ponies had been clawed, scratched, or were suffering so severely from cat allergies that most of Ponyville had shut themselves up tight in their homes, occasionally expelling the odd hissing, spitting cat.

The cats were hiding everywhere, shredding things, tearing up flowerbeds, using the dirt roads as a giant litterbox, and making a terrible racket.

And then, just past noon...

"Twilight!" Rainbow Dash cried as she flew up to Twilight and Fluttershy, who were still rescuing ponies from the cats in the streets. "Somethin' REALLY weird's goin' on out by Fluttershy's cottage!"

"M-my cottage?" Fluttershy squeaked. "M-my safe place?"

"What's going on?" Twilight asked.

"You gotta see this for yourselves," Rainbow said. She led the way; Twilight and a panicking Fluttershy followed in her wake.

As they neared the stream at the edge of town, a ball of lime-green yarn whizzed past them. Twilight skidded to a halt, turning to stare. "What?!"

Fluttershy's irises shrank to pinpricks. "M-my..."

Twilight and Rainbow were blown aside as Fluttershy sped off to her cottage. They only had time to blink at each other before a horrified scream of rage shook Ponyville.

"MY YARN! MY KNITTING! YOU BAD, BAD KITTIES!"

A dozen cats ran back the way they'd come, bouncing unraveling balls of yarn between them. Fluttershy gave chase, screaming bloody murder.

As Twilight and Rainbow watched, another ball of yarn, maroon this time, flew past. Shaking herself, Twilight sped off to Fluttershy's cottage.

The inside was a mess. Fluttershy's animals were locked in combat with several cats, while several more were streaming in and out of a secret door hidden behind a bookcase. Every now and then, a ball of yarn bounced up the hidden stairs; a line of cats would bounce the yarn out the front door and send it flying into Ponyville.

Twilight frowned and teleported past the cats into the secret room below. She stared in astonishment at what she found.

Against all logic, against all reason, Fluttershy had a cavernous cellar, lit by a single bare electric bulb, which was full of knit crafts. Everywhere she looked, there were objects made from yarn—butterflies, bunnies, goblins, flowers, stars, moons, and even a giant crochet dragon.

There were also dozens of balls of yarn, and the cats were getting into it and making a mess. Even more cats were methodically tearing apart some of the knitcrafts and winding the loose yarn back into balls.

Twilight's ears wilted. "What..."

"Whoa!" Rainbow said from behind her. "Where'd all this come from?"

Twilight frowned. "Looks like Fluttershy has a secret hobby," she said.

Suddenly, three cats pounced on Rainbow, winding yarn around her wings and hooves. She cried out in alarm as she was suspended from the ceiling in a giant cat's cradle. "GAH! Get me down from here!" She flailed helplessly around, tail lashing wildly.

Twilight watched the cats prowl around her, mischievous grins on their faces. Her ears fell. In a burst of light, she and Rainbow Dash were outside the cottage, hovering over a yarn ball brigade of cats.

Angel Bunny was wound up tight in a ball of pink yarn, looking utterly put out. Many of Fluttershy's other critter friends were similarly ensnared.

"Oh boy," Twilight muttered.

* * * * *

Somehow—and try as she might, Applejack still couldn't figure out exactly how it had happened—she and Rarity had managed to get stranded on the roof of Sugar Cube Corner during the cat stampede. While Rarity was throwing a tantrum, Applejack had tried to find a safe way to get down without getting buried in scratching, hissing, angry cats.

And then things got worse.

Now, not only were they stranded on the roof of Sugar Cube Corner, they were also completely ensnared in dozens of strands of yarn. As far as the eye could see, dozens of colors of yarn had been woven into an intricate cat's cradle in which at least a dozen ponies were trapped. The enormous, complicated yarn construct left dozens more ponies at a loss, as between the cats, the yarn, and the general confusion, nopony was quite sure how to navigate the streets—or skies—of Ponyville anymore.

"Nggh!" Applejack grunted as she pulled a hoof free from one loop of yarn, only two find it ensnared in two more. "Consarnit! Ah can't get—GAH!—loose from this crazy cat's cradle!"

"We're positively going to die up here, alone and forgotten!" Rarity wailed.

"Dang it all, Rarity! You gotta have SOME kinda spell t' deal with this!"

Rarity sniffled. "I...I don't think so, darling! I have no knitting needles, and pulling on the yarn with my magic is just as ineffective as what you're doing...!"

"Can't you, Ah dunno, teleport us offa this roof?"

"Don't you think I'd have already done that if I could?" Rarity said, all traces of drama switched off like a light. "In all the time we've known each other, have you ever once known me to teleport?"

Applejack paused in her struggles. "Well...now that you mention it, no," she said. She scratched her head, which led to her ear getting tied up in a double knot of yarn. "Y'mean you can't?"

"Hardly," Rarity sniffed.

"Huh," Applejack said. "Ah jes' thought that was somethin' all unicorns could do. Seein' as Twilight does it all th' time an' all."

"In case you hadn't noticed, Applejack, I am not Twilight Sparkle," Rarity said acidly. "Her magic is on a level far beyond your ordinary unicorn. Even before she became an alicorn."

"Well, yeah, Ah know that an' all," Applejack said. "Ah jes'..." She sighed. "Forget it."

Rarity sighed. "I'm sorry, Applejack. I'm just a bit..."

"Ah know," Applejack said. "It's okay." A long, uncomfortable moment passed in silence. "So...is there anything you can do about all this?"

Rarity paused and tilted her head. "As a matter of fact, there is." Her horn lit up.

The yarn ensnaring Applejack turned mostly black, with lovely brown accents that matched her complexion.

"There," Rarity said. "At least now you're in fashion for fall."

"Swell," Applejack said with half-lidded eyes.

* * * * *

"GET BACK HERE, YOU—!" Fluttershy screeched as she flew after several yarn-bouncing cats.

By the side of the road, Lyra and Bon Bon hung upside-down from a lamppost, bound tail to hoof in bright yarn.

"Wonder what's got her so wound up?" Bon Bon wondered.

Lyra glared at her.

"And where's Princess Twilight?" Bon Bon asked. "Is she just off woolgathering while all of Ponyville is wrapped up in misery?"

"If we ever get down from here, I am going to bite you," Lyra seethed.

* * * * *

It had taken over a hour for Rosetta Stone and Amber Glow to fight their way through the chaos in the streets and make their way out to Princess Twilight's castle. Fortunately, none of the madness that had overtaken Ponyville had touched the castle, and Twilight's young dragon assistant Spike had shown them to the library. Between the ample volumes of information the princess had on her own shelves and the materials the two of them had brought with them, they had almost every scrap of data on Anugypt the EEHS library in Canterlot had.

Unfortunately, it still wasn't enough.

Two hours after they'd started searching, Spike rushed in. "Uhh, guys? Not that I wanna rush you or anything, but things are getting REALLY weird down in Ponyville..."

"I know I had something here in my...notes..." Rosetta Stone trailed off, his ears pinning back as he stared at a page of his notebook.

"Vell?" Amber Glow demanded. "Did you find something?"

Rosetta Stone turned to her, face drawn and pale. "W-well...there is one other reference...listed...r-reference on...on Anugyptian curses..."

"Und?" Amber Glow bit off impatiently. "Spit it out, dummkopf!"

Rosetta Stone floated his notes over to her shakily. She frowned and looked down at the page. Her own ears fell flat, her eyes wide and disbelieving. "But...nein..."

Twilight Sparkle appeared in a magenta flash. "Any luck?" she asked tiredly.

"W-well," Rosetta Stone said, swallowing heavily. "There...might be a way to stop all this," he said.

"Yes?" Twilight's wings fluttered. "What is it?"

The two unicorns exchanged a solemn glance. Rosetta coughed. "Umm...it...it might require a certain, umm...book..." He adjusted his glasses. "Which...which may or may not even exist, you understand, it's all very vague and...and..."

"SPIT IT OUT!" Amber Glow roared.

Rosetta Stone jumped in alarm, then turned sheepishly to Twilight. "It's, it's, well..." He took a deep breath. "There's a legend of a book that was sacred to the cats of Anugypt." He looked at Amber Glow, then back at Twilight. "It's called the Nekonomicon."