Discord's Visitor

by JJ GingerHooves

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Random, Discord
Length: 1024

Discord has a visitor. It's not the one he's expecting. Or even likes. But it's not like that ever stopped Pinkie Pie...

After a greatly gooey Grand Galloping Gala, Discord is looking forward to going back home and relaxing in his chaotic domain. A world totally of his own element and design, he can sit back and think about all the good times he had with Fluttershy, The Smooze and Treebeard (or whatever her name was, for he can't possibly recall) had at the Gala.

There was just one little factor he forgot about. A something that baffles even him. A something that doesn't take a simple 'no' for an answer very easily...

Written for the May 16th minific Writeoff Group event using the prompt "I Regret Nothing".

Published 2015-05-25 21:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-25 21:30:02 UTC

There Can Be No Rest for Discord, for She Is the One Who Knocks

Discord reclined on his couch, keeping both of his mismatched feet up, a mug of lemonade in his paw. Sighing contently, he brought the mug to his lips and drank it, throwing away the actual liquid.

“Well, despite an early fumble or two I think the Gala went perfectly! Even Celestia allowed me to tear a hole through space and time simply for her amusement!” He paused, contemplating. “Hm. She must be suffering from one of those ‘mid-life crises’ if that’s what it takes to excite her these days.” He rolled his shoulders, along with his whole arms. “Oh well.”

Then came a knock at the door. A surprise, Discord thought, considering he rarely got any visitors. Except the neverending supply of mailponies who kept getting lost in his domain. Or perhaps it was just the one mailpony? Sometimes those equines all looked the same.

Stretching an arm, he grabbed the doorknob and pulled it open. “If this somepony trying to sell me something—”

“Hiya Discord!”

Discord blinked, his back jolting up straight. “Pinkie Pie?”

“Theeeee one and only!” Pinkie announced, stepping in, the door shutting by itself behind her. She took a few quick glances around the room and said, “Huh. I expected more jelly.”

“Jelly?! Why would—” Discord snarled, shaking his head. “What are you doing here? How are you even here?! Nopony is supposed to know where I live!” Mailponies excepted, of course.

Pinkie took a deep breath. “Well at the Gala Smoozy—”

Discord snapped forward and grabbed her lips. “Stop you right there. His name is The Smooze. The is his first name. But what do you expect when your parents are called An Smooze and It Smooze,” he said dryly.

“Pfftptmmmpft!” Pinkie replied.

“Ah, yes.” Discord let go of her. “Continue.”

“Smoozy is my nickname for him,” Pinkie clarified. Discord rolled his eyes. Backward. “And while we were dancing and chilling and stuff, he told me where you lived and I just had to visit your house ‘cause I knew it’d be totally fun!”

“Yes yes, that’s very nice but Discord really needs his quiet time now. Alone,” he said, pushing Pinkie out of the door.

“I can’t leave yet!” Pinkie cried, walking down the stairs.

Discord did a double take, slamming his front door with such a force it shook the whole house. “Why not? Besides, it’s too dangerous here for ponies. Yes, you’re far better off going back home and stuffing your face full with cakes or something.”

Pinkie’s face brightened up, as she stepped onto the floor. “Hey! Good lead in.”

Discord scratched his head. “What—”

“Because you remember how you asked me for all the cakes?” Pinkie asked, smiling up at him.

Discord frowned. “No. We’re not doing this.”

“That’s what I thought too when you said that you wanted none of the cakes! But then I thought, wait a minute, this is Discord we’re talking about! He’s almost never serious! So when you said you wanted all the cakes you meant you wanted none of them, which means you did want all the cakes!” Pinkie explained, all in one breath.

Discord clenched his fists. “That doesn’t even make sense!” He stopped and blinked. “Oh. Oh yes it does.”

“I know, right?” Pinkie replied, with a little hop.

“Well I think it’s about time you left,” Discord said, grabbing that most fluffy tail of Pinkie’s.

Yet Pinkie just trotted forward, her tail slipping its way out of Discord’s grasp, leaving him clawing air. “Aw, don’t be so down, Discord. With my cakes, things will definitely be up for you!”

“Yes, we get it! Directional puns! Don’t run it into the ground!” Discord cried, whipping up Pinkie in a graduation robe and cap. “You’re making such good use of your clown college degree!”

“Thanks!” Pinkie replied eagerly, suddenly completely bare. “Anyway…” Walking over to Discord, she stood up on her hindlegs and casually rested a foreleg on his arm. “I’m not gonna lie to you, Discord. I almost didn’t manage to get all the cakes to you.”

“What a shame that would be,” Discord grumbled, retracting his arm into his body so that Pinkie fell face first on the floor, with a little squeaky bounce. Stretching out his arm again, he gave it a little shake.

Pinkie stood up, rubbing her muzzle. “It’d be a tragedy! All that hard work for nothing! Luckily, I met a new friend here who could help!”

“A new… friend?” Discord gulped, the ball in his throat travelling right down his throat, all the way to his cloven hoof.

“Yep!” Pinkie trotted to the window and stuck her head out. Grabbing a megaphone from her mane, she screamed into it, “BRING THEM IN, GEORGE!!”

There was a massive, ear deafening wail as a strange creature with the head of a pelican and the body of a whale swam through the air towards the house. Opening its bill wide, out came a storm of cake boxes, piling on top of the house and burying it completely.

Pinkie smiled at Discord, her head above the sea of cake boxes that had flooded the house. “I hope you like them!”

Discord shot her a blunt look. “Pinkie.”

“And you know what the best part is?” Pinkie asked, grinning expectantly.

“Pink—”

“None of this comes with a bill!” Pinkie exclaimed, giggling hysterically.

And then George laughed. A ear piercing guffaw that blew wind all onto Discord’s house, shaking about all the boxes even further.

Discord sat there, unflinching as boxes smacked their way past his face. “Pinkie Pie!”

Pinkie cut her laughter short, looking to Discord with bright, innocent eyes. “Yes?”

“Time out.”

Discord ripped his paw through the air, creating a tear through reality itself, blinding light pouring out of it. With his talon he grabbed Pinkie by the tail and tossed her through the rift, closing it behind her.

Discord sighed and rolled his eyes. “What? I don’t care at all. You know she’s going to pop out of some plant pot or something in half an hour.”