Clear Mind nearly lost his balance when his first client walked in. Today had just gotten a lot more worrisome. He didn’t need to see the cutie mark or the horn and wings on the same pony; the indigo mane with a pink stripe running through it was distinctive enough to recognize who this was.
“Hello, my name is …” she began.
“Princess Twilight Sparkle.” Clear Mind said without thinking.
“How did you…?” She tilted her head quizzically.
“The wings and horn kind of give it away.” He silently cursed himself for being so nonchalant.
“Oh, that’s right. I so infrequently use the wings that most ponies don’t notice them. I guess I should remember that some will see them right away.”
Clear Mind lightly cleared his throat. “So, let’s get right to it then, why have you set up an appointment with me?”
“Well, with my recently becoming a princess, I suddenly have a lot more responsibilities. Naturally, I’m concerned about being in the best shape to handle them, and I realized that I’ve neglected having a checkup for that part of myself I hold most dear, my mental faculties.”
Clear Mind let his muscles loosen a little. Then he addressed the princess. “It usually isn’t necessary for ponies to see me until they start having problems. Is there anything in particular you’re concerned about?”
“Well…” She hesitated. “I’ve realized recently that my reactions to recent occurrences in my life have been a tad bit …extreme.”
“May I ask you to elaborate?”
“Well, I’m sure you’ve heard about the incident in Ponyville a while ago. That was due to the fact that I had a complete mental breakdown over being late on one of my reports to Princess Celestia.”
Tense muscles back, Clear Mind started writing on his notepad. “Please continue.”
“I had a bit of a panic attack when I found my friend taking care of Princess Celestia’s pet and there was also the time when I encountered myself from one week into the future where I was sure a disaster would occur and vowed to monitor everything. Plus, there are a few more incidents I would prefer not to get into.
“Are these incidents making it difficult for you to function in your day to day life?”
“No, they are not.” Her voice sounded, careful, almost measured. “What concerns me now is less the individual incidents, but the fact that they are normal. I noticed recently that my assistant was fully prepared for another such reaction when he told me to calm down when I was in an absolute frenzy. I wish to find the connection between these incidents, and that is where I was hoping you could help.”
Clear Mind forced his voice to sound professional. “Well, let’s see what we can do.” He paused, looking at his notepad. After a few moments of silence, Twilight started to look at him worriedly. However, just as she was about to ask him if he was alright, his eyes flashed with the same look she got when she learned of a new branch of knowledge.
“That’s it,” he whispered. Then he looked directly at Twilight. “Tell me what you felt during those moments.”
The sudden request caught her by surprise. “Um…, fear…, panic.., desperation,” she regained her composure as she was answering.
Clear Mind shook his head. “I may have not been clear enough. I did not mean the emotions that wracked you close to those moments. I mean the overriding thoughts or emotions during those moments.”
Twilight looked at him quizzically. “I’m not sure I understand the difference.”
“The emotions you described are typical of anypony in a high stress situation. It tells me very little except that you were stressed and had a bit more power to meltdown with. I’m asking you to focus on what flashed across your mind the moment you decided upon the actions in these incidents. That will provide more information for getting to the bottom of this than all the theories in the world.”
“Okay,” she said. Her eyes dropped into a half-glare. It was quiet for several minutes.
“Rejection.”
Her voice cut the silence like a blade.
“Rejection…?” Clear Mind responded.
“Rejection.” Her voice was quiet, but firm.
“Rejection from who or what?” Clear Mind’s focus briefly shifted from his notepad to the purple alicorn before him. Her eye seemed to twitch for a moment.
“This is going to sound odd, but…” she paused as her left ear quickly bent halfway and righted itself. After a second, she steeled herself. “Princess Celestia.”
Clear Mind looked up from his notepad. Twilight looked crestfallen. Just as he was about to say something, she continued.
“I know it’s crazy. Princess Celestia has been nothing but kind and understanding,” she sounded frustrated, perhaps a little worried. “I mean look at what happened when I pulled a stunt Discord would have been proud of, she was concerned about my well-being. She took me on as her protégé when I was a young filly. She pushed me to truly make friends. When my friend stole her pet to cure whatever it appeared to have, she was calm and simply asked for permission to be asked first. I’ve never been given a reason to fear rejection from her.”
Clear Mind finished writing something on his notepad before speaking. “Sometimes, if a pony sees another so near perfection, even if it is only a perception, they fear rejection from the person based on the grounds of being a lesser pony.”
“That doesn’t make any sense either though. I’ve seen moments where Princess Celestia is far from perfect. I’ve seen the long days stress her to the point of dismissiveness. I’ve seen her make far from perfect decisions. I don’t think she’s perfect, she just has a lot more experience than any but an alicorn could ever hope.”
“Hmm,” Clear Mind thought for a moment. “You speak of her almost like one would be expected to talk of their mother.”
Twilight visibly stiffened at the statement. “I would never consider such an audacious thing. She is, was, my mentor and I was her student.”
“I hate to disagree with a princess,” Clear Mind said dryly. “However, all the signs are there. Considering what you’ve said, it sounds like she considers you a favored niece at least, if not an adopted daughter. And you seem to have, if perhaps not intentionally, slipped into that role.”
Twilight looked straight at Clear Mind. While he had that look of just clinically doing his job, something in his eyes said he was dead serious.
“Even if you’re right, that doesn’t explain my reactions. I never was that… destructive... with my actual family.”
Clear Mind grinned slightly. “We have but a few pieces of the puzzle, we haven’t completed it yet. Tell me, what was your family like?”
She gave him a strangely blank look, minus the fact that her right ear flopped once again. Clear Mind discreetly shifted so he had a better position to dash to the door.
Twilight sighed and regained her composure. “My brother was amazing; I don’t think you find many siblings that close while growing up together. He was my best friend and brother rolled into one. My father always supported what I wanted to do, he always made sure to show up to major school events to cheer me on, and he was always had a hug for me when I most needed it. My mother was always…” she paused for a moment and her tail started swishing. “…encouraging. She always pushed me to be my best.”
Clear Mind raised an eyebrow. “Interesting. So, let’s talk about your mother for a moment. How did she push you?”
“Well, she always told me that it was of the utmost importance that I do everything I could. She always brought new books home for me to read, all of them about the world, crafts, and magic. They were all great, and allowed me to sate my thirst for knowledge. As a matter of fact, she was the one who found that flyer for the Cantorlot magic academy. She always had high hopes for me.”
“So, what was the reaction if you didn’t meet these hopes?”
Twilight’s eye twitched yet again. “Well, she always believed in me, so naturally she always was a little disappointed when I… fell behind. She held a dislike for fiction, so she wasn’t pleased when she found me reading Daring Do books.”
“Anything specific you remember her saying?”
Twilight paused for a moment. “Are those specifics really going to help?”
The look Twilight was giving him told Clear Mind that he was going to get one chance to convince her. He sighed.
“Do specific details help one recreate a historical event?”
Twilight looked aghast. “Of course they do! I can’t believe you even asked me that!”
“What we are doing is examining your history, recreating certain experiences to understand the actions you are so concerned about. Therefore, yes, these specifics are needed to accurately examine this part of your life.”
Twilight’s expression drooped a little. “Of course,” she whispered to herself. “I should have realized that.” She looked back at Clear Mind, and said in a stronger voice: “Alright.”
It took her a moment to pull the memories back. “I remember once when I brought home a less than stellar grade on a test, she informed me that students that did poorly were sent back. Another time, when I was complaining about the homework load, she told me that she was disappointed in my attitude. Also, there was that time she caught me reading Daring Do when I was supposed to be studying. She yanked it away from me with her magic and she looked like, although perhaps it was just my foalhood misperception, she was going to tear it apart when my dad walked in. He rushed over and talked to her in a hushed tone for about a minute. When they were done, she put it down and told me to read only my textbooks during study time.”
“Hmm,” Clear Mind was once again writing on his notepad. When he finished, he looked Twilight straight in the eye. “Tell me, did any of your other family or Princess Celestia do anything similar while you’ve known them?”
Twilight leaned back a bit. “No, they haven’t”
Clear Mind looked at his notepad again, then back to Twilight. “We now have enough pieces for a framework,” he said with a glint in his eye.
“What are you talking about…?” Twilight looked at him confusedly.
Clear Mind put up a hoof. “We have enough information to draw a couple of conclusions. One, your mother’s actions are indicative of one who’s love, at least that which they show, needs to be earned. Second, your actions stem from a severe fear of rejection from Princess Celestia, a much greater fear than the average pony would have, despite the fact that she has shown to be one of the least likely to reject you. These two conclusions are like the outside rim of a puzzle. The picture is incomplete. However, the pieces are now organized; it’s time for you to put them together.”
“Wait, you mean the rest is up to me?” Twilight looked at him strangely. “Not that I don’t enjoy the challenge, but are you not the person who I’m paying to do this?”
Clear Mind shook his head. “Do you really believe I could learn enough to fully tell you about your life’s motivations within the timespan of a few hours? I am here to provide the foundation and the framework, not design the house. No-pony can truly claim to understand what’s going on in another pony’s head. They can, however, provide a set of models to examine one’s thoughts and actions from and thus help the pony understand themselves.”
“That’s… an interesting take on your chosen field.”
“It’s actually the only sensible one. You seem used to viewing things from a scientific perception. A + B = C and it always will. But pony’s minds aren’t like that; they have something inanimate objects don’t: free will. That tends to change the equation, but now we’re off topic”- Clear Mind raised an eyebrow- “So, do you have a completed puzzle yet?”
“Sorry, this is just one of the branches of knowledge I haven’t explored yet,” Twilight gave a bit of a sheepish grin. “Hmmm, as far as figuring this out…”
She sat in quiet contemplation for a few minutes. Clear Mind took a quick look at his watch. Twilight had booked most of his morning but, even so, they were beginning to run low on time. Just as he was about to bring up scheduling another short session (just to make sure he hadn’t missed something important), her eyes lit up.
“I think I’ve figured it out,” she stated firmly. “Thank you, doctor, I’ve learned a lot today, but now I need to go visit some family.”
“Well, if you need anything else, don’t hesitate to schedule an appointment.” He smiled as she walked out the door.
After she was gone, he relaxed and let out a sigh of relief. Counseling royalty was one thing, as Celestia had visited from time to time (and he had a sneaking suspicion she had been analyzing him during those sessions), but Twilight was so young to be taking on such a role. He imagined the next mountain of cases he’d be seeing and shuddered.
I really need to look into getting into contact with some of the others in my field.
Author's Note
Just to head off any accusations of me letting Celestia off the hook, remember that Clear Mind is only analyzing what Twilight's told him. He's not psychic.