Fly

by re- Yamsmos

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 10025

Flam and Rainbow Dash hunt down a relentless fly in their underground super-lab.

Flam and Rainbow Dash hunt down a relentless fly in their underground super-lab.

[size=0.75em]Totally not a crossover with Breaking Bad. Definitely not. Nope.[/size]

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-07 01:16:46 UTC

Because Why Not?

Rainbow Dash touched to the ground, kicking up small amounts of dust as she waved her wings idly, scanning the building in front of her as she sighed. Taking a minute to raise a hoof, she wiped her face in annoyance at having to return to work that day. Working her jaw as the hoof fell back to the dirt, she scanned the sky above her and gave a small, almost unnoticeable chuckle. At least the sky looked beautiful.

Not a single cloud was present, ensuring a practically rain-free day for what the mare was to assume would be another boring day doing nothing but work with a boring partner. She groaned as she folded her wings by her sides; she really wasn't in the mood for a lecture today. Especially if it was coming from him of all ponies. Adjusting her sweater, she began to walk into the industrial laundry. Stepping across the threshold, she narrowed her eyes in irritation as her ears were exploded with Marexican music straight out of an old bull-running movie.

Shaking her head in an attempt to suppress the dull pain, she continued onward and hung a left, trotting past the long line of employees currently signing into the building. The sounds of their foreign conversation both reached and confused her, and she had nothing else to do besides shrugging her shoulders and stepping further down the corridor. Ignoring the loud clangs and creaks from the washing machines and driers around her, she quickly reached the corner of the cleaning area and whistled at the worker currently standing by it.

He gave a quick nod and turned tail, pulling a lever and waiting as the drying machine tipped forward and dispensed the clothing currently sitting inside. Though she felt the need to give a quick word of thanks, the large frown on his face as she passed by him told her that doing so would just satisfy him. Shaking her head, she stalked past him and squeezed through the small crack in between the machines to her left and right. Making it through, she stopped for a brief second and growled as she looked at her sweater.

Magenta irises landed on the rather sizable hole now torn in it, then swept upward toward the loose set of bolts that bore the missing piece of her clothing. Frowning, she snatched it out of the metal's grasp, stuffing it into her pocket. Cursing under her breath, she hoped that the old fart was willing to take some time out of his "busy" day to help fix it back together. As much as she knew, Rarity would've loved to do it herself, but Rainbow would've found it hard to explain as the fashionista fussed over her and drowned out her explanation.

Turning to her right, she stepped a hoof onto the staircase and harumphed. That was her favorite sweater, too...

Reaching the bottom, she reached into her other pocket, finding the keys. Falling to her haunches with a sigh, she grasped the ring in both hooves and flicked the keys around, aided by gravity. She yawned involuntarily. She hadn't really had much sleep since the last night, and all she wanted in life at that very moment was to just go back home and sleep for the day.

Or the week.

Or the whole month.

Or, hell, forever if she could.

Her thoughts were suddenly thrown off the rails as her eyes caught something in the corners of their sights. Narrowing her eyes, she licked her lips and leaned upward to peer in through the window of the door. Brow raising to the ceiling, she watched in a stupor as the old coot stalked through the lab as creepily as some kind of stalker, his horn currently levitating some kind of stick next to him. Placing a hoof onto the layered glass, she smirked and shook her head in disbelief.

"No way..."

Quickly, she found the right key to the door and placed it into the lock. Twisting it with her right wing, she intended to walk inside and poke fun at the stupidity of whatever the stallion was up to. Instead, she was greeted to a sudden, blinding headache as her ears popped at least fifteen times in the span of about two seconds. Groaning in pain, she held her skull and stumbled around at the entrance, almost tripping on the small layer of rolled up towels blocking the sill.

Looking down and over the railing to her right, she found a worry-and-angry-faced Unicorn glaring at her from the ground, his dark blue shirt wrinkled and unkempt on his body. Mouthing a, "what?" as his lips moved rapidly, she looked back at the door and pointed a hoof, her expression screwed up into one of confusion. The stallion below nodded his head, pointing aggressively at said door. Finally, she decided to yell through the piercing sound as she threw herself against the red railing.

"I can't hear you man! What do you-"

She stopped, his body disappearing in a bright flash of green. Knowing full well what had happened, she looked back at the entrance and found him forcing the door shut with all his weight, his horn lighting the lock and clicking it tight as the door closed. Kicking the towels back into place, he grumbled something under his breath and levitated the stick over to Rainbow Dash. Glaring, he hit her on the top of the head with it and brushed past her quickly, walking toward a set of dials on the wall to his left.

Watching him turn them, she pressed a hoof to her ears as the sound died down, whispering an almost inaudible, "Asshole," as she felt the bump on her forehead. Giving another grunt of agony, she tilted her head at the stallion and shouted, "Hey, what the hell was that, Flam? Feel like I was on a friggin'... mountain or something..."

"Oh wah wah you big baby," Flam replied furiously, shaking his head, "just work your jaw around, you're used to that kind of thing with flying, right?" Watching as Rainbow rolled her eyes, he waved a hoof at her as his face morphed to one of curiosity, "Right?"

"Yeah, sure man. I mean, it's not like I, y'know, fly everywhere I go and I, y'know, break the sound barrier every few times just because I'm bored, right?" She chuckled as Flam hissed at her, lighting his horn and finding his duct-taped stick. "I mean, what's up with that, huh? Trying to kill yourself or something?"

"It's positive pressure, Dashie. I'm trying to keep the outside out right now." Looking the mare up and down, he added with a tilt of his head, "Just my luck that the outside came in anyway and brought me a filly."

"Oh ha ha," Rainbow said, eyes narrowed, "I bet you thought that was funny when you said it too, jackass. Now c'mon. What's with the pressure?" Flailing a hoof toward the ceiling, she caught Flam's attention, "'Keeping the outside out'? What the hell's that even supposed to mean?"

Flam shut his eyes as his head shook, a hoof raised to the air to join the stick floating next to him. Opening his mouth, he breathed in heavily and spoke almost seemingly out-of-breath, "There's been a... contamination, Dashie." Bringing the weapon back to his chest, he stepped toward the railing and peered out, eyes narrowed and searching the ceiling of the lab. Leaning more outward, he craned his neck to glance at each and every lamp shade. Rainbow, watching this, mouthed a complete sentence of wonderment.

Gulping a lump down her throat, she decided to voice it.

"...what? Flam, a contamination?"

"Mr. White," Flam said, raising a hoof over his head in an attempt to shush her, "it's Mr. White, remember?"

"Hello? Do you realize where we are right now?" She banged a hoof against the wall, listening to its echo, "We're, like, fifty feet underground. Who the hell cares if I don't call you by that? It's not like Semental, you know, cares if I call you Flam or whatever." She raised a hoof to her head, rubbing her skull as she reclined against the wall. "I mean, Geez..."

Flam stood back onto the catwalk, turning toward Rainbow Dash with his stick raised in her direction. Eyebrows raised, he spoke as he nodded once, "You will call me Mr. White, and that's final, alright? Like I said-"

"'How many Whites do you know and how many Flam's do you know' blah blah blah whatever man!" Throwing her forelegs in the air, she shouted, "What kind of contamination?!"

Flam ignored her as he descended the spiral staircase, his gaze fixed upward as he did so. Watching him, Rainbow ran a hoof down her face, beginning to get irritated. As his hooves clacked against the concrete, Rainbow spoke once again. "Yo, what kinda contamination-"

"A contamination," Flam replied, looking up at her through the grates by her hooves, "what is the first word that comes to mind when you hear... contamination, huh? Tell me." He turned tail and began to walk around the lab equipment. Thinking in her head, Rainbow began to step toward the staircase, humming all the while. It took her until the bottom of the steps to suddenly stutter.

"Uh, Geez like, I dunno. L-like... toxic waste?" Flam continued what he was doing. Rainbow's eyes grew wide. "Toxic waste, that's what it is? Shouldn't we be wearing, like, masks? Isn't that stuff dangerous?"

She jumped slightly as a hoof rattled a large trash bin across the room. Peering out from behind a series of panels and buttons was Flam's head, his glasses glinting at her in the illuminating light from above. He groaned, his eyes rolling so dramatically that Rainbow thought he could give Rarity a run for her money. Shaking his head, he said condescendingly, "No. It's not that kind of contamination. Wh-why would we have toxic waste in a Rock lab?"

"I dunno, like..."

Flam moved his head toward her in a quick motion, his mouth open as he awaited her complete thought.

She growled, unable to finish it, "Look, how was I supposed to know? You've been keeping me in the friggin' dark since I got here." She witnessed his obviously agitated steps toward her as she continued, bored and properly done with what was currently happening, "Like, what kind of contamination then? I mean, it's not dangerous, right?"

Flam stood before her, his stick hovering next to him as if it were bobbing on the surface of water, "No. Not to us, at least."

Tilting her head, she looked the obviously hoof-made stick up and down, eyes narrowed. Flam noticed this, and looked at it as well. A completely fed-up expression on her face, she flailed a hoof and asked simply, "The hell's that thing? Some kinda... crochet racket?"

"Crochet racket?" Flam looked to his right, looked to the ceiling, then looked back at Rainbow Dash with a blank expression on his face. "Crochet racket," he repeated, "do you realize what you just said-"

"Well, what is it, then, huh? I'm pretty sure you didn't make it just so you could beat me with it. What is that your, like, detention stick or something?"

He waved it around, the sound of plastic and duct tape filling the air, "I made it."

"Yeah, I know. What is it?"

He pursed his lips, eyes falling to her hooves. They danced about for a little while before darting back up to the mare. Shrugging, he said simply, "A fly swatter."

Regarding him as he looked it over himself, she stole a glance to her left and right, a half-hearted mumble coming out more audibly as she went, "...what kind of... contamination is this exactly?"

He turned his body, looking at their equipment with a cautious eye. "Something... got in-"

"Like what?"

Lips smacking as his mouth gaped open, he remained like this for a brief few seconds before finally speaking, "A fly."

She blinked rapidly, her mind unable to process what she had just heard. Leering at him from the corner of her right eye, she asked slowly, "A... fly? Like, what do you mean?"

"A fly."

"Yeah, I heard you. You mean, like, like a house fly? Like those things that annoy the hell out of you so you swat them? That kind of fly?" Flam gave her a short nod in response as he held the swatter close to his body, green eyes darting from left to right in an attempt to find his prey. She gave a small groan in response, flailing her forelegs as if they were dead, her rump hitting the floor. "Seriously? Gods, you scared me man! 'Contamination'? I thought there was like, a gas leak or something!"

"Well, we're fine," Flam reassured.

"Oh good, 'we're fine' he says. Hey, if we're, quote-unquote, fine, then what's with the friggin' fly swatter? What's so bad about this fly? I mean, it's just a fly, right?"

He sucked in his lower lip, silencing the mare who looked at him expectantly. Pointing his swatter in the direction of their lab equipment, he jabbed at the air and explained, "It's not dangerous to us, I said." Taking one final poke at their work-space, he added, "It's dangerous to that."

Rainbow raised a brow, "What, our lab?"

"Lauren Faust, no." Gritting his teeth, he spoke in a hushed tone, "Our product."

"Okay, how the hell do you expect a single fly to ruin our 'product'?"

"Dashie, what does a fly do when it lands on something?" Rainbow scrunched her eyes, thinking and ignoring Flam's harsh expression as he continued, "Go on. Guess. What is the first thing that a fly does when its little legs make contact, huh? Sit there and soak up the sun?"

"Listen, Flam-"

"What did I say about-"

Rainbow glared at him, taking a step forward, "Did I mention that I didn't care about that? Y'know what a fly does? You know? It takes," she raised a hoof and then dropped it, "a massive deuce on the ground. Like I will in your coffee over there if you don't just calm the hell down. That's what you're scared about? It'll dump on the Rocks? We can just put them in bags-"

"Not... just... the rocks, Dashie. The- the canisters and containers, where we cook."

"Well then let's just.. put, like, nets over them. That's what they do to keep mosquitoes and stuff out of baby cribs down in Zebrica. Like ta keep out... um..."

Flam raised his eyebrows.

"Maleficent."

"Malaria. Did you even go to school I mean, maleficent. Seriously?"

"I wasn't born an Earth Pony, dick. We don't have to worry about mosquitoes in the sky." Magenta eyes witnessing Flam's obvious eye-rolling, she waved a hoof at his fly swatter, "So... what. You're just gonna kill that thing with that?" He raised it vertically, allowing the both of them to regard it in tandem. "I mean, not to insult your fly swatting skills Flam but, that thing looks like the stupidest thing I've ever seen. And my friend Pinkie Pie walked into a dragon's dungeon dressed like a present with balloons floating by her and flippers on."

"Oh, it'll kill it," Flam said, grinning wildly, "I know it." At that exact moment, the swatter's duct-taped exterior sagged in the middle, the top end now folding down to a half-chub. Rainbow looked at him with an unimpressed look. Quickly, he pushed the end back up and adjusted his glasses with a hoof.

"Don't worry," Rainbow began, noticing his obviously caught-off-guard look, "I'm sure it happens alllllll the time..."

He growled at her with a hoof to his chest, "Hey, Dashie, who's the one with kids, huh? Huh?" Raising his eyebrows sarcastically as Rainbow Dash glared at him, he turned tail and began to stalk the corridor, "Look, we have to take this seriously, okay? If it gets into anything here- if it touches anything here, we are going to be very behind on our schedule. We'll have to... decontaminate and clean and... it'll take a long time and we don't need that, okay?"

Dash tilted her head, pointing a hoof at his head as he walked away. "Hey, yo what uh... what happened with your head?" He ignored her. "You hit it on, like, something hard? Like, something really hard I mean."

Flam stopped, his back facing her as a hoof ran across the back of his shaved head, grazing the large bandage sitting there. He hummed for a second of his life and began to walk again, slower this time as he glanced about in a paranoid fashion. Rainbow could only watch in disbelief as he continued to reject her presence. Throwing a hoof into her forehead, she groaned audibly and cursed the Gods above under her breath. She looked back up to find Flam wandering about aimlessly.

"Yo, Flam."

He turned the corner behind a large metal container, disappearing from sight. Rainbow walked to her right, meeting him as he rounded and looked at her, fly swatter by his side. Giving him a shrug of desired recognition, she tilted her head, "Yo. Flam."

The Unicorn simply brushed past her quickly, almost pushing her out of the way as he practically belly-flopped onto a nearby table, his fly-saber smacking onto its plastic surface with enough force to frighten even the edgiest of small fillies. Rising from the edge of the table with both hooves, he peered over and examined the table carefully, his eyes narrowed. After a minute or so, he cursed, lit his horn, and gave the table a quick whack of anger.

Having enough of this, Rainbow banged on a canister next to her, startling Flam, who looked at her as if someone had just caught him red-hoofed. An unimpressed look on her face, she leaned against it and spoke, "Hey, you doin' okay man?" He began to walk toward her menacingly. "I mean, you've got a huge bandage on your head and you look like you haven't slept in days." He stood in front of her, mouth open and his figure jumping about as he looked at her from every angle. Gulping, she finished, "Trust me I know the feeling-"

"I'm fine, Dashie-"

"But you're not though... wait, how long have you been here?"

Flam sucked in his lips, looking for an answer.

"I left you here last night- dude, did you stay here overnight? Seriously?" Flam shook his head silently as Rainbow fell to her haunches, hooves at her hips, "You're just asking to get yourself killed, man. Go get some rest for Faust's sake! You really wanna... like, fall asleep at the Rock lab?"

"Dashie, I'm fine. Nothing happens until this fly is dead, you hear me?" He waggled the staff at her. "Nothing."

Rainbow raised a hoof his way, "And hey, what's with this whole fly thing? Are you sure it's still in here, I mean, with your friggin' high pressure and stuff it coulda gotten out already."

"It didn't leave," Flam sneered, brow furrowed, "it's still here."

"How do you know? I mean, hay, since I got here I haven't seen a fly at, like, all." Her eyes rolled at him as he threw a foreleg up in exasperation. "Are you sure there was a fly? You didn't try any of our product did you?"

"Oh yeah Dashie, I snorted some of our precious Zap Rocks and now I'm hallucinating flies! Of course you'd know what kind of shit happens when you do that stuff, wouldn't you?" He stepped a hoof back as he breathed heavily, green eyes taking in the sight before him. Rainbow Dash looked at him, obviously hurt for a brief second, before she shook her head aggressively and shouted back.

"Look I'm just saying, I haven't seen scat since I got here today-"

"Dashie."

"And another thing: who do you think you are to say that to me, dick. I've been clean for a helluva long time, and it wasn't easy-"

"Dashie."

"What?" She hissed, currently on the verge of either hitting him or leaving altogether. Her expression fell as she looked Flam up and down, and, if she were wearing pants, she would've properly soiled them when she finally found his head. Glancing about in a panicked state, she saw a small black fly sitting idly atop Flam's shaved head, wings buzzing as giddily as a certain orange filly. Waving a hoof, she stuttered, "Th-there it is."

Flam looked at her, body stationary. "Dashie, get it."

"You want me to get it? What about you, the, I dunno, Unicorn?"

"You see this thing atop my head?" Flam asked, gesturing to his horn with his eyes, "You see that bright aura there? Yeah, you think that the fly sees it too? Now tell me, if something were to change in it, you think the fly would see it too?" Rainbow nodded, mouth open. "Yeah. Thought so."

Rainbow licked her lips, taking a step forward, "Okay. Uh... gimme your swatter. I'll get it-"

"You have your own. Use it."

"No I-" She stopped, following his gaze as he jabbed his nose to an area past her. Turning her head, she looked toward the coffee machine and leaned every which way to find what he was pointing at. Finding it, she narrowed her eyes in annoyance, spying the bright pink fly saber. Rotating, she glared at Flam, who stood as still as a statue. He gave her another nod at her swatter, to which she lowered her head and frowned at him from between her eyebrows.

"Your fly swatter, Dashie-"

"Here's a question, Flam." She smiled as he raised a brow in curiosity. "What if, while I go and get it, the fly just bucks off? Huh?" Her grin deepened as he was obviously stumped, but faltered as he smirked in kind.

"I'll hit it myself-"

"You've been here for an entire night and haven't killed it. You really think you could get it if you tried?" She gave him an expectant expression as he thought it through his head for a second or two. Waving a hoof, she continued, "Now c'mon. Gimme the swatter, I'll get it." Leaning toward him, she reached for his staff, his reluctant expression very obvious in his hesitance to give it to the mare. Giving a few words of encouragement, she grabbed it from his magic and grinned, tapping her tongue against her lower lip.

"Alright, good, Flam."

"Mr. White," he corrected, a glare on his face.

"Yeah yeah, whatever. You ready?" She asked, falling to her haunches and raising the weapon.

"Yes. Okay. On the count of three, okay? Three."

"Like, on three or, like, after three. There's a big difference, Flam-"

It took all of his strength not to lash out at the mare's insistence on being difficult, "On three for Gods' sake."

She nodded vigorously, holding the swatter like a baseball bat. Expelling breath as if she were awaiting a huge event, Rainbow steadied her aim and sat patiently for her cue.

"Okay, so on three, alright-"

"Yeah, I got it Flam." Smirking as his eyes rolled, he braced himself and began counting.

"One-"

THWACK!

Flam fell to the ground, his head bouncing off a nearby metal pod and smacking into the floor below. Shaking his head, he groaned loudly as his fly swatter clattered to the ground next to him, now bent in two places. Rainbow grit her teeth at him as she stood over his body. Leaning toward him in a quick motion, she spat.

"Adversaries purified, bitch." Walking away as he continued to writhe in pain, she called, "Got your fly, Flam. Hope you had as much fun as I did."

"You got it?" Flam asked, beginning to rise to his hooves.

"Yeah it's uh... oh!" She pointed to her right, spotting the relentless bug sitting still in the middle of their sorting table. Waving a hoof, she smirked and nodded toward it, looking at Flam, "Right there." Watching as he scrambled toward it, she continued with a shit-eating grin, "Yeahhhh... look who got your pesky fly, huh? You couldn't even touch it. How's that feel, do you feel that poo just dribbling down your face-"

"This isn't a fly."

She stopped and blinked. Flam held the supposed fly in his magic, walking over to Rainbow with an arrogant look. Hovering it toward her suddenly, she leaned away in an attempt to get away from whatever it was. Finally, Flam spoke, "This is a raisin." He groaned outwardly as Rainbow ran a hoof across her face in response, her hooves taking her a few steps back. Getting up, Flam dusted himself off quickly and adjusted his blue shirt.

Growling, he gave the raisin one last look before he grit his teeth and summoned the trash can previously sitting on the opposite side of the room. Frowning at Rainbow and making sure she was able to witness it, he let go of his magic and dropped the raisin into the bin. Pushing it out of the way with a hoof, he threw a hoof to the side as if cutting a bush and sneered, "There. Is. No room. For errors and mistakes right now, Dashie, okay? These ponies?" He thrust a hoof to his right. Rainbow raised a brow, leaning toward it and looking past its length toward where it was pointing at. Flam sighed heavily, out of view of the Pegasus, who stood straight once more and gave him a small shrug.

Jabbing at the air, he emphasized, "These. Ponies. Will. Not. Accept that. They'd rather..." he gestured wildly, grasping at straws before finding something on the table to his right. He levitated it toward the two, "...cut our throats," shink, "with one of these box cutters." Shrugging, he finished his casual thought, "Failure... isn't an option here, okay?"

Rainbow blew air out of her nose, raising a hoof to her neck and adjusting the sweater around it. Giving a low, "Whoo," she looked around as if in a daze. She was having just about enough of this bullshit. Droning, she pointed a leg toward the entry door, "Uh.... you think maybe we should... go get some, like, air?" She made sure to keep a straight face as Flam about-faced as perfectly as a Royal Guard. "I mean, it's like a thousand degrees in here, Flam."

He glared at her.

"Look, if you just... went outside for half an hour-" she flinched as her pink swatter came back into view from behind a metallic silo, "okay, like, a minute or so..." The swatter lowered. "...you'd be okay then, right?" She took a step forward as Flam flattened his lips, thinking about it. Smiling genuinely, she continued, "Yeah.. yeah, like, we could go outside, I could grab us a beer, we could chill out for a minute or two, y'know?" Her grin widened as Flam slowly looked up at her, his own head nodding with hers. Tapping her tongue against her cheek, she stepped backward toward the staircase, making sure that the Unicorn wasn't just leading her on.

Thankfully, he wasn't, and the two gradually advanced up the staircase with happy looks on their faces. Rainbow led Flam to the door, and she quickly opened it and waved a hoof her way as if gesturing to a dog. Flam shook his head and sighed, walking toward her. Rainbow nodded vigorously, completely surprised she had won him over so easily. She looked to the catwalk's floor and licked her lips as he inched toward the threshold...

...only to step less than a centimeter away. Mouth agape, he hummed loudly and asked, "Do you have your keys, I think I left mine down there, and, I mean," he shrugged, "since I'm tired and all..."

"Don't worry, Flam," she pulled out her keys, giving him a cocky smirk, "got 'em right here."

"Oh, good, good..."

Rainbow turned to start walking up the steps, only to suddenly flinch as she felt the keys in her hooves slide out as if on butter. Gritting her teeth, she spun around and began to bash on the door, the stallion from inside giving the lock and the doorknob very angry looks as they sounded out in synchronization. Growling down in her throat somewhere, she yelled into the glass window, "You sonuva bitch!"

Flam appeared in front of her, a dangerously large glare on his face, "If you're not gonna help me, stay out of my way." As he walked away, Rainbow slammed a hoof into the door one final time before backing up. Preparing herself, she stopped as the entryway became suddenly reinforced with heavy steel plates and what she assumed to be bulletproof glass. As it extended and unfolded like a piece of paper, she narrowed her eyes and became aware of a low sound.

Looking toward the glass, she squinted at the letter now appearing in front of her.

She read them aloud.

"S - U - C - K - M - Y - F - U - oh screw you, Flam." Looking around, she slammed against the door one final time before about-facing. Trotting up the stairs, she hissed angrily, her hooves clacking onto the concrete floor. As the sounds of the Marexican music reached her ears again at full blast, the mare looked about swiftly. Grinding her teeth against each other violently, she began to step heavily across the laundromat as if she were about ready to massacre the workers currently toiling away.

Grumbling under her breath, she stopped for a second and looked around for somepony to call for. She spied a light purple Unicorn levitating a pile of shirts into a washer and began to walk over to her in a hurry. Stopping less than a foot away, Rainbow shouted so as to drown out the sounds of the machinery around them, "Yo!" The Unicorn turned, a genuine look of disinterest on her face. Gesturing wildly, Rainbow continued, "You uh, you speak Equestrian?"

The mare shook her head. Rainbow cursed under her breath and stuttered, "I-I-I need like a... like an ax. Uh, it's uh... dammit." As the Unicorn shook her head silently, talking about her in a foreign language, Rainbow flailed a hoof, annoyed. Swaying as she walked away, her magenta irises darted from left to right, and then to the ceiling above her head and the ground by her hooves. There had to be something she could do.

Stopping, she thought back to what she was doing. And then she thought about what she was trying to get back into. And then she thought about what happens in there. And then, and only then, did she think about how they made sure it didn't get out of there. Grinning, Rainbow chuckled to herself, stepped a hoof back, and suddenly sprinted toward the nearest exit. Not even giving the dirt nearby a glance, she flared her wings and flew upward. Performing a half-moon pattern, she landed daintily on the rooftop of the industrial laundromat.

Lightly walking across, she stuck her tongue out so as to not raise suspicion. Crouching low, she opened up her train of thought's doors and began to think to the lab's exact location beneath the building. Mumbling directions under her breath, she followed her memory and spotted a small circular chimney poking out, sitting idly with its nearby cousins. Though it appeared to be for the exact same purpose as the others, Rainbow knew where it led.

Laughing to herself, she narrowed her eyes and stepped toward it. Finally standing next to it, she eyed it carefully for a minute or so before she went lower than before, leaning her head to look inside. Though she couldn't see anything - seeing as how long the funnel was - Rainbow's grin deepened to the point of no return. Nodding, she took a few hoofsteps back before about-facing and reversing into it. Playfully beeping as she did so, she chuckled at the sun, pulled her sweater up, and took a seat on the funnel.

She waited patiently.

Beneath the building, Flam continued to search relentlessly for the fly that endangered his very life. His now repaired fly sabre floating next to him, he stalked through the aisles of their cookware slowly, green eyes darting across the room suspiciously. Rounding the corner, he stopped as his nose began to smell something. Eye narrowing, he gave his left and right quick glances. Blinking rapidly, he threw an ear up in an attempt to hear better.

A low thumping sounded out.

From above him.

His eyes widened as his vision took him to the source. Mouth opening, he heard nothing. And then, suddenly, a dozen or so thumps sounded out in rapid succession. He looked to his immediate left, and now realized that he was sitting next to the air filtration silo. He slowly looked back up to what he now knew was the chimney leading to the outside. He was too shocked to move.

A small object came into view, falling at a blurring speed. Without a single sound, it sailed downward through the air, end over end. With a tiny sploosh it landed...

...and Flam gave the now disturbed cup of delicious coffee a seemingly unfazed look. As the surface of the drink settled, he closed his eyes and breathed in and out, only to hear a loud, raspy voice break the silence, muffled by the funnel.

"Hey Flam! Eat my shit! How'd ya like that, huh bitch?!" Rainbow stuck out her tongue, spitting saliva down the pipe. Satisfied with her response, Rainbow flared her wings to fly back into the building, but suddenly lost her breath as she materialized inside the Rock lab, the end of her muzzle mere inches away from her offended coffee cup. Gritting her teeth, she flapped her wings to fly away but found herself unable to. Turning her head, she gave the Unicorn next to her a look of absolute desperation.

The two stared one another down in a standoff.

"Come on Flam, you wouldn't do this!"

One of his eyebrows raised quizzically.

She stuttered incredibly, panicked beyond belief. "F-F-Flam! Yo! Come on!"

Flam glared at her for two heartbeats and then sighed angrily, his horn's aura fading out.

Rainbow gave out a long breath of satisfaction, flapping her wings furiously as she touched back down onto the floor. Smiling at Flam, she chuckled lightly before saying, "So... we gonna kill that bitch now?" Rainbow waggled her eyebrows as the Unicorn stared at her blankly. Leaning toward him, she nudged a leg into his side, catching his attention as he looked down at the appendage. "Fly's still here, Flam. Let's get that sonuva bitch, huh?"

The lab was interrupted by the deafening sound of a hoof slapping into its owners face.

"Dashie."

"Ah hell- yeah, Flam?"

He pointed to his head in an absent-minded manner then let the appendage fall limply back down, "I have a horn, you know..."

Rainbow stuck her tongue out, still working on her little idea. Fidgeting, she turned her head and regarded Flam for a brief second before looking back. Hooves toiling away, she replied, "So?"

"So... it would've been easier for me to cast a spell to deal with this, not..." he grumbled, tossing an olive hoof in front of him, "this..."

Rainbow turned around, her wings flapping as she threw a leg against her hip. Brow knitting in irritation, the mare rolled her eyes. "Flam, you're tired as hay. Don't strain yourself, man. You're gonna hurt yourself."

Flam sighed, shaking his head disbelievingly, "A simple fly-killing spell is, well, simple. Basic stuff for field workers out in the," he smacked his lips, annoyed, "well, out in the-"

"Field. Yeah, I get it. And," Rainbow began as she descended, "I get that you're gonna get, like, a stroke or something if you keep this up. Besides, working your ass off, can't be good for your..." she gulped, "...lungs.. y'know? I'm just sayin', this shit'll kill that fly." She smirked at him, a genuine one that she swore she would have never given him months prior, "Trust me, alright?"

Flam stood as still as a statue, his figure un-moving in the light of the ceiling bulbs above their heads. Horn lighting up, he adjusted the blue shirt's collar and shut his eyes, expelling a long breath into the air in front of her. Slowly lifting his gaze, he watched the countless yellow banners hanging from the pipes in the lab, their now-empty cans dangling beneath them limply. Flattening his lips, he saw Rainbow  strain her eyes as well, glaring about her contraption.

"It's like, non-toxic, you know? Rosin, like that stuff they use for violins and stuff. Perfectly safe for the Rocks. Still, don't see why we couldn't just get a bug zapper or somethin'... kill it a lot better than these friggin' fly strips."

"A bug zapper uses electricity, which is strictly for our equipment."

Rainbow raised a brow.

"Besides, that fly gets killed in a zapper? Its body parts?" Flam's horn lit up, creating a small, green-tinted simulation. A small fly with a... familiar head flew stupidly toward a large device, then suddenly stopped as its eyes were replaced with crosses. The Rainbowfly suddenly surged violently, a large shockwave-type circle around it before it exploded with a cartoony blam as its body parts flew everywhere, landing on the floor by Flam's hoof.

Rainbow flinched as the Rainbowfly's head landed on her nose, its admittedly adorable scrunched-up face looking at her in a literal dead silence. Wriggling her nose, she watched as it disappeared in a cloud of green smoke before frowning at Flam, who sat on his haunches with his forelegs crossed. Flattening his lips, he shrugged. Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Bet'cha didn't know that happened, huh."

"Nope," was Rainbow's honest response as she began to walk around. Flam started to do so as well, which the mare noticed. Pointing at him, she glided the hoof toward their small office and ordered, "Hey, what did I say? Go on, get some rest-"

"You said yourself that this would work. And I'm not sleeping until this fly is eradicated."

Rainbow stood still in silence, a look of acceptance on her face. Flailing a hoof uselessly, she sighed heavily for all to hear. She was gonna have to do better than that to make him get some sleep. Flam sat down patiently as Rainbow paced about in a very tight circle. Suddenly, something popped into her mind. Something genius that she had forgotten as they put the flypaper up. Mentally bashing herself, she smiled and said, "Well, fine. That's cool- hey, you uh... you want some coffee?"

She watched the hesitant response in his face.

"Promise I won't shit in it this time, heh heh..." She bit her lower lip slightly, but maintained her composure as Flam gave a meek smile and tilted his nodding head. Happily grinning back at him, she returned the gesture and began to walk toward the complicated-looking coffee machine. Standing in front of it, she reached across the table and grabbed a mug. Not wanting to use the one she had... used, she scoured around for another one.

Her eyes landed upon another mug sitting a little ways away on their weighing table. Shrugging, she placed the mug already in her hooves underneath the spout and pulled the lever as it began to slowly be filled with coffee. Assuring that it wouldn't overfill, she stepped away and headed toward the spotted cup. Picking it up, she walked around the table and placed it onto the surface with a low thud. Her forelegs resting next to it, she waited.

Leaning forward, she bit her lip and quickly switched the coffee cups. Teeth grit as she attempted to calmly put the burning cup down, Rainbow winced softly, eyeing a hoof, its exterior practically burning into her skin. Seething, she cleared her throat to herself and assumed a casual position in case Flam walked around the corner. Brow raised, she drew her head back, scanning the lab. Frowning, she returned to her prior position.

Looking about, she licked her lips and looked to the ground, a smile forming on her lips. Bending over, she rustled the plastic bag by her hooves and cautiously brought the small bottle up. Eyes carefully glancing around, Rainbow raised a hoof and began to unscrew the lid. Flipping it off, she cringed as it clattered onto the table, rolling around like a basketball on a hoop. Finally settling, she leaned back and peered around the corner.

Lo and behold, a voice called to her, its tone weary, "Everything okay... Dashie?"

"Yeah, yeah! Just uh, just gettin' your coffee.." It was a lie, but Flam believed it. The sound of a chair dragging across the floor reached Rainbow's ears. Smiling, she picked up the bottle and tilted it, dispensing a small white pill onto the table. Quickly retrieving it, she stretched her hoof and dropped it into the coffee mug, its contents filling it up about half way. Patiently waiting for it to fill up completely, Rainbow began to hum loudly. Closing the pill bottle, she placed it back inside the plastic bag and got back up, watching as the cup became full.

Carefully grabbing it, she looked to her left and extended her wing. Placing them onto the surface, she seethed as the heat threatened to burn her. Pushing away the pain and mentally insulting her stupidity, she walked back toward the lab equipment and turned the corner to stroll down the first aisle of their illegal super market. Finding Flam, she trotted toward him from behind. Biting her lower lip, she suddenly stopped. An idea formed in her head.

She smirked evilly...

...and jumped suddenly as one of the coffee mugs levitated off her wing. Watching it, her teeth grit, it hovered toward Flam and settled next to him in the air. Blinking rapidly, Rainbow straightened herself and casually walked past Flam, his face completely deadpan as he sipped away at his coffee. Backing up against one of their mixers, Rainbow stretched her wing toward her face, reaching for the mug still sitting there. Grasping it in both hooves, she cradled it and proceeded to swirl it around as the lab became silent.

Magenta irises flitting toward Flam, Rainbow watched as he continued to drink, his expression softening as he smiled slightly. Chuckling, she raised her own mug and spoke, "Good, huh?" Flam nodded in response, sighing as he found air once again. His crystal blue chalice tilting to the left somewhat, his head turned her way and she waggled her brow, grinning. Pointing at his coffee, he commented kindly.

"Thank you."

Rainbow blinked, caught off guard. Shaking her head, the corners of her mouth rose as she replied, "You're welcome, Flam. You deserve it." Though she saw Flam roll his eyes at her disobedience, Rainbow knew that he was happy beneath that cold exterior. What else could he have wanted then to be drinking coffee in an illegal Zap Rock lab undergound? Rainbow thought that was pretty badass. And awesome.

Flam disagreed.

"You know, Dashie.." he turned toward her, "one of these days, I'm going to ask myself why I'm sitting here drinking coffee in an illegal Zap Rock lab. And then I'll know that I've done it all in life."

Rainbow frowned in her head.

Bastard.

She made sure not to let it out though. "What, you didn't do it all already? Like, out in Equestria with your brother-" Rainbow sucked in a breath, instantly realizing what she had said. She looked to Flam with a screwed up face, finding him sighing in discontent. Closing his eyes, he breathed in and out and quietly brought his mug up to his lips. Rainbow spoke, "Hey... I, uh... I'm sorry. Didn't mean ta-"

"It's fine, Dashie."

The lab fell into a pregnant pause, the only sounds being that of the ceiling lights above them and the gentle sway of the flypaper currently lining their aisles of equipment. The two idly sipped at their coffee silently. Rainbow mentally bashed herself for bringing his brother up, not as eager to drink her brew as Flam appeared to be. Even the fact that her plan was working wasn't enough to bring her back up. The awkwardness of the room was hellbent on killing her.

And it was doing a super good job of it.

Without thinking, she began to chuckle, her mug lowering toward the table. Placing it down, she saw Flam look at her out of the corner of her eyes. Gazing at him, she spoke, "Hey, you ever have, like, a bird constantly going around your house before?"

Flam's mug descended slightly as he sat back, thinking about it as he frowned. Turning toward Rainbow, he shrugged dramatically and flattened his lips, his fuzzy, circular beard scrunching up in response.

Rainbow licked her lips, "Yeah.. of course you haven't... well, I did! Or, well my uh, my aunt did." She leaned forward on the table, clapping her hooves together. "It was, like, this bird - some kinda seagull I think - would just fly around my aunt's house and it would just keep on going no matter what happened. Y'know, making noise and just being totally annoying. It made me not like going to my aunt's house, and I really liked my aunt, y'know? It was just, like, every day, it would come from a cloud somewhere and just start circling her house over and over and over again for, like, days. Nothing could make it go away."

She tongued her cheek, trying to remember, "I think there was some kinda tornado that had gotten out of control at the weather factory, and it had come and just wrecked some parts of my aunt's town. Her house wasn't really caught in it, but it still had other stuff thrown at it from the... winds and stuff. And my aunt just walked out to see all the damage in the streets and stuff, and the moment, the moment she walked out the door, splat! Bird shit, right on her doorstep. You know, by that point, my aunt had gotten sick of it, and so I had ta go take it somewhere else the next day after helping out the town with my parents."

"I decided to take it to some dumb bird shelter or something that my friend Holly had. So, obviously, the seagull didn't come back like, ever. But... my aunt... she still thought it was there, you know? Like, she would constantly sit on her front porch and just scan the skies for the thing, and even though she didn't see it, she swore that she could still hear its flapping and its cawing, all day through all night. She was... damn, she was like, obsessed with this damn bird. Always yelling at it out of windows and stuff. It got to the point where she bought some friggin' bird wire from Ponyville and just covered her house in that stuff."

"No matter what we told her, it was always, 'Oh, I'll get it eventually,' and, 'It'll go away someday'..." Rainbow gave a slightly pained expression to the ground, then looked up at Flam, who was still regarding her patiently. "Her uh... her obsession over that seagull was a... was a sign that the cancer had, like, spread to her brain."

Flam blinked calmly, his eyes glancing about different corners of the room with each consequent blink. Finally, he tilted his head back and drank from his coffee mug as Rainbow sighed heavily. Lowering the cup, he spoke to the area in front of him, "I'm still in remission, you know."

Rainbow nodded, smiling, "Yeah, yeah I know."

Flam turned toward her suddenly. Rainbow saw a tired expression on his face as she recalled casually, "I missed it. I had a chance. There was... a moment. Some kind of perfect moment... that passed me by. I completely missed it. I had to have enough bits to leave for them. Enough to keep them happy, and safe... none of this, not a single part of this mattered at all if I... if they didn't have enough." He sipped from his mug. "That moment... it had to be before she found it all out... Velvet."

Rainbow raised her brow, confused, "Perfect moment? Like, perfect moment for what? Flam, are you saying you want to die?"

Flam spoke almost too quickly, but still as softly as Fluttershy would. "What I'm saying is that I think that I've lived too long. When you have family, you want them to remember you when you pass. You want them to think of you as they always have... as a loving pony who would do anything for them..." he began to slump forward, "but Velvet... Velvet just doesn't understand. No matter how much and no matter how hard I try to explain it all to her, she just... doesn't..."

Flam straightened himself as his eyes lowered sadly, "I know it's stupid to think so, but... I honestly believe that there's some kind of way I can explain it all to her. Some way for her to understand what all I'm doing for her and my... I just can't seem to figure it out."

"Hey, Flam," Rainbow asked, "you might wanna put your coffee down if you're gonna-"

"You know, I was thinking that maybe it was after we left Taco's, when I told my family that I had that fugue state... but now I remember that I wasn't that wealthy back then, we had only just started back then... and still, my daughter hadn't been born then... no, it had to have been after she was born..." Flam suddenly looked at Rainbow, his eyes soft.

Rainbow prepared herself.

"...it was the night that Thunderlane died. Yes, that's it."

"That was the perfect moment?" Rainbow asked.

"No, it was before then... before I dropped your bags off, I went home... and Velvet told me that we needed more diapers. So... I went out to go buy some, and instead of going straight home I... I dunno, I went to a bar and I... walked into it and sat down at the counter. There was another stallion, a Pegasus, sitting right next to me. And, who would've thought that that Pegasus... the Pegasus that I sat next to at a random bar... turned out to be Thunderstreak, Thunderlane's dad of all ponies, the very night that Thunderlane died?"

Rainbow looked at Flam, unblinking, "Did you... talk to him?"

Flam nodded.

"...what'd you guys talk about?"

Flam sighed, pursing his lips as he thought about it. Clacking his tongue against his lower lip, he finally spoke, "I believe it was about gold in the Ghastly Gorge. We held a toast for it."

Rainbow screwed up her face, hindlegs swinging idly from the table, "That's it..?"

The Unicorn stared ahead for what seemed like hours of his life before slowly looking at Rainbow Dash. He smiled, "We talked about family. About our children.... he spoke fondly about Thunderlane. We talked about... life, about how death is our ultimate endgame, our main downfall."

Rainbow swirled her cup thoughtfully.

"I remember. That night, we had spoken about family. And you know what he told me? 'Never give up on family'. And you know what? I took his advice. But, I've been thinking about it ever since.. what are the odds that the exact night that this stallion's son dies, that I'm the one having a beer with him. I wouldn't say it could even be a coincidence, the possibilities of that are just... impossible." Flam began to rise from his seat, legs shaking slightly.

"Whoa whoa Flam, sit back down-"

"No, no I should've just stayed at home. I shouldn't have come to your house that night. I shouldn't have done what I did because... things would have played out differently for us."

"Whaddya mean?" Rainbow asked.

"I was at home, like I said. I was... I believe I was reading some article about Canterlot. You know what a foal monitor is, right?" Rainbow nodded when he turned toward her. "I mean, I could've used my magic... but Velvet insisted. She and Melody were in the foal's room, and I could hear them on the foal monitor." Flam's eyes welled up as she smiled, "Velvet was singing a lullaby, just the most beautiful thing you could have ever heard. That, right there. That was it. If I had died right then and there, listening to my wife singing a lullaby to my daughter, that... that would've been the best way for me... That would've been perfect..." He sunk into his chair at that, forelegs dangling off the arm rests.

It was at that moment that a sound reached Rainbow's ears. They perked up as she searched for the source. Her gaze drew to the ceiling, finding a familiar creature sitting idly on one of their air ducts. Its wings buzzed idly, almost unknowing of the danger it had now presented to itself. She grinned, flaring her wings.

Rainbow stopped, looking at them. She cringed as she flexed the wing that had previously held their coffee. She was able to ignore them then, but now their burns were coming in full force. She folded her wings back, knowing that she wouldn't be able to use it for the time being. Looking around, she spotted what she needed and went to retrieve it, the old, tired voice of Flam reaching her as she did so.

"Dashie... what are you doing...?"

Rainbow, dragging the folded-up ladder, walked back toward him. "What's it look like?" Placing the ladder down and assembling it, she looked at Flam and pointed to the air duct, "Your fly's just sittin' up there, and he ain't comin' down. Not, like, ever." Flam raised a brow. "I'm killing that bitch, Flam."

"Dashie..."

Rainbow ignored him as she spotted a pair of tool chests sitting next to each other. Sliding them over to her, she made sure they were nestled close and placed the ladder on top. Getting Flam's swatter from the ground, she began to climb up the steps, the saber in her mouth. Getting to the top, she spat it out and coiled a hoof around it. Sticking out her tongue, she waited for the perfect moment to strike.

"Dashie... get down."

"Gimme a sec-"

"You're gonna break your neck. C'mon. This is a stupid idea."

Rainbow cast her glance downward, "Hey, can you hold this thing?"

"The what...?"

She pointed with a hindleg, "The ladder. Hold it in place, will ya?" She watched as he gripped it in his magic, his chair swiveling around so he could see it.

"Dashie..."

"Flam, I'm getting this fly, alright?"

"Dashie..."

She assumed that he was just beginning to doze off, and dismissed his calling as innocent babbling. Stepping up to the next step, she was surprised to hear him say something else.

"...I'm sorry..."

Rainbow chuckled, adjusting her grip on the swatter as she leaned every which way in an attempt to spot the fly's hiding spot. "Sorry for what? Huntin' some dumbass fly and not getting any sleep?"

It was awhile before she suddenly stopped at his reply.

"I'm sorry about Thunderlane..."

She turned toward him, a look of surprise on her face.

"I'm sorry about what happened..."

Flam looked up at her, his lower lip wobbling. "I'm very sorry, Rainbow Dash..."

"Yeah," she replied, nodding her head, "I am too. It's not your fault, alright?" She turned back to the matter at hoof, "It's not your fault, it's not my fault, hell, it's not even Thunderlane's fault, alright? I mean, it's just like you said at my door, y'know? It made sense. Just two dumbass drug-abusers with a bag full of more bits than we could've possibly imagined. You were right."

"..."

"We woulda been... in a ditch or something in less than a week, probably OD'd or something. Outta sight, outta mind. I mean..." Rainbow sighed, closing her eyes solemnly, "I still miss 'im though. I really do."

"Dashie. Come down, please."

"Flam, I'm close, alright?" She went up to the top step, completely ignoring the warning sign that attempted to stray her from doing exactly that. "Just gimme a minute."

"Dashie... come down. We've put it off for too long. We have to cook now..."

She scoffed, "Oh yeah, what about the fly then? Y'know, the thing you were hunting down like some three-legged boat captain? The contamination?"

"It's all contaminated, Dashie..."

Rainbow stuck out her tongue, stretching her body upward to reach. The fly sat as still as a rock right in front of her, its black exterior completely visible against the silver air duct. Holding her swatting leg back, she held an iron grip on the top of the ladder, tilted back, and aimed. Holding her breath, she waited for two heartbeats before she swung as hard as she had ever swung before.

And at that very moment, the fly fell to the ground, bouncing off and settling.

Dead.

Rainbow grit her teeth, pumping a hoof in the air as she grinned heavily. Humming a single note, she quickly turned and shouted, "I got it! Hey, Mr. White, I got the-" She stopped, blinking silently. Flam sat, his head tilted back as his legs were splayed about in the chair. The sound of logs being sawed met her ears, and she realized that his mouth was completely agape. Huh. So that's what Pinkie says I look like... huh.

Descending the ladder, she fell to the concrete floor with a thud, discarding the fly swatter on the table next to her. Walking over to Flam, she adjusted her sweater and grabbed his chair, beginning to pull him away from the disgusting crime scene. Leading him around the room, Rainbow found their office, and stopped pulling as she circled his chair. Now pushing, she followed Flam into the office, spotting a couch on the opposite wall.

Taking him to it, Rainbow carefully lifted him from the chair and slid him onto the couch, making sure he didn't bump anything on the way did. Satisfied as he didn't, she reached for a nearby blanket and laid it over his body. She tucked him in silently, then stepped back to admire her work.

Flam slept peacefully, or, as peaceful as an old ex-swindler now cooking Zap Rocks with a prior enemy to secure his family's financial future before he dies of lung cancer could sleep. Rainbow smiled, and pulled the chair out of the room. Sticking her head inside one last time, she brought a hoof up, waited, and flicked off the light switch.

Later that night, Rainbow sat in her cloud bed, furious that she wasn't able to get any sleep after a long day of cooking in the lab. Tossing and turning, she tried to place happy thoughts into her head in an attempt to start the process of rest, but to no avail. Growling, she looked to her right and stared out the window. The moon stared her in the face, its full form brightly glowing a white light. Frowning, she wondered what Flam was doing, and if he took her advice and was soundly sleeping once he got home.

Flam, unfortunately, had not taken her advice.

He lay on his back in his condo silently, the bed sheets nestled over his body.

He, in fact, was able to sleep, unlike his partner.

There was something else that kept him from it, however.

He stared up at his ceiling fan, the white bulb unlit in the night.

He didn't blink.

The buzzing of the fly sounded out to him as it stalked across his fan with its little legs.

And he watched it quietly.