Worse Stories For Worse People

by harpseal2

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 13703

Another collection of assorted short stories that are awful parodies of bad fanfics, or just awful ideas I had.

Another collection of assorted short stories that are awful parodies of bad fanfics, or just awful ideas I had. More satirical, more ironic, more sarcastic. More of all the bad shit.

There is no consistent update schedule, I will update as I please. I'm out of ideas, so this is going to be updated even more sporadically.

Pre-reading? Never heard of it!

I'm still a sensitive artist, and I made that photo all by myself.

Warning: Contains More Coarse Language, More Sex, More Blood and Gore, More Violence, and just a lot of even worse shit in general.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2017-01-30 10:35:42 UTC

Chapter 2: The Power Of Independent Trucking

A large 18-wheeler pulled up at a small truck stop, pulling it’s heavy luggage with it. The sun was just below the horizon, painting the sky in a beautiful hue of orange. The truck stop was the only thing in sight on the long, desert road, and it was the only source of light in the times when the sun had fled. It was desolate, and bleak.

Jim MacIntosh jumped down from the cab. He sighed, and adjusted his cap. He was a very large man, earning him the nickname “Big Mac”. He was not a force to be reckoned with.

He was not a fat man, not at all. He was ripped. He was pure muscle. When he wasn’t driving trucks, he was working out at his family's barn. He wasn’t an ugly man, either. He was a chick magnet. Even his little sister, Jackie, thought he was one sexy man.

He pushed the door open. The bell sounded. He was greeted by the smell of spilled beer and peanuts, and the sound of AC/DC, played as loud as possible.

“Ey, my boy Mac!” one of the truckers yelled.

He was soon joined by the rest of the truckers. Mac smiled awkwardly, and took an empty seat on a barstool.

“Whut kin ah git ya?” the bartender asked.

“A glassa Bud thanks,” he said in a deep baritone, sliding a one dollar note across the table.

“Sure pal.”

Big Mac looked up at the dingy little TV set in the bar. A game of football played on. Mac was not interested in sports, strangely. His only real passion was weightlifting. But he loved his family just as much.

He wasn’t always the ladies man he is now. At school, he was bullied for having orange hair, which is part of the reason he took up weightlifting, though he would never admit it. Last man who gave him shit about having “red hair” ended up with a few teeth missing. He ran his fingers down his long, flowing orange hair, before moving his hand up to readjust his cap.

His thoughts were interrupted as a beer slid across the table, towards him. He quickly grabbed it by the handle and took a hearty swig.

“Thanks, buddy,” he said.

He stared back at the screen. He thought about his family. Ever since his parents died, he had to make the income by driving trucks around the country. He wasn’t meant to do this, but he was forced to. What other choice did he have? Let the farm burn? Selling apples in buttfuck nowhere was no way to make a living.

He missed his little sisters, Jackie and Blossom. His missed his granny. He missed the farm. But he had to make the dough.

But there was a benefit to all of this; the sex. Sex in a dirty fucking truck stop. Sex like it’s the last thing on the planet. Big Mac had never had so much sex. Fuck, he could fuck five bitches a day. Easy. It’s a great business. Driving all day, fucking all night, with free coffee and food. Fuck, what a life. It could be gruelling at times, but the sex, man. Man, fucking was a fucking sport. It was an artform. It was everything.

“C’mon Jimmy, yew ain’t ever been a fanna football,” a voice said.

Recognising the voice, Big Mac said, “Ey Braden! Good ta see ya again.”

Cousin Braden, a trucker just like him. In fact, Braden was the reason he was in trucking. Braden, also known as Braeburn, would stun his older cousin with stories of the lonely truck driver.

“Always good ta ya too, man! It’s been too long!” Braden laughed.

Braeburn was named Braeburn because he accidently burned his parent’s home down. As a result, he had to move out, and lived with various cousin for a long time, before picking his home on the road.

“Ey, Mac! Yew see that pink-haired bitch in the corner? She’s been lookin’ atchya for a long time.”

He turned to look at her. Her pink, curly hair covered half of her face. God, did she love the colour pink. Everything about her was fucking pink. Her shirt, her shoes, her nails, her pants, her hair, her eyebrows, her cunt. Fuckin’ everything.

“Yo! Pretty in Pink! Scoot yo ass over here!” Mac yelled.

She looked at him nervously, before getting up and walking over.

“Hiya, I’m Pinkamena!”

“Hiya, I don’t give a fuck bout yer bitch! Yew a pro?” Braden asked, subtle as ever.

“Uhhh… no, but if you really wanna…”

“Ha! She reminds me of this chick I fucked ages ago,” Mac said.

“How?” Braden was prodding for an answer

“Oh, man, she was fuckin’ wild. Like a stuck pig, man. She was the weirdest little cunt I’ve ever put lil’ Mac into, but damn, the sex… fuck man, it was… like… animalistic!

“Damn, motherfucker!” Braden said, high fiving.

“Well, I better show this lil bitch a good time,” Mac said, pulling out a hundred dollar note from his pocket.

“Yew take Franklins, ya whore?”

“Uhhhh… sure…”

They laughed, as Mac grabbed her ass, and walked towards the restroom. She looked upset, but Big Mac did not give a shit. She were as worthless as all the other sluts he’s fucked in the toilets.

“I bet you dyed them pubes of yers pink, amirite? Yew probably got a whole bush of pink, ey?” he laughed, smacking her ass.

Tonight was just starting. This little bitch was gonna love it.

He pushed the doors open, grabbing her around the waist, and throwing her into a free cubicle. He locked the cubicle door and unzipped his pants.

“C’mon, take yer stupid pink pants off, yew dumbshit. I ain’t waiting.”

She cried, but why should Big Mac care? It’s a piece of meat for him to shove his fucking cock into. She took her pants off, and Mac shoved his dick into her. She gasped in pain. He laughed, and pounded her senseless.

This is the power of independent trucking.

Chapter 5: kUpKaK-Z: d R3@L dÆTH mUЯdR$

rain((b)) da$h wuz flyng in ski until shi herd hors p!nk c@llin ot @ hr.

“reignbow darsh plz gom down thnx u by”

“ok”

rainbow horse tocuehd dwn infrnt of pinky pi

“et de la cake thx”

“k”

“jk cake was kill machine”

“oh no”

ded

end.

Chapter 6: You Can Lead A Pony To Autism

Dear diary #169,

Ugh, im STUCK in EUQESTRIA, dude. my fukken poni ROOMmate named RAINBOW DASSH saies “I’m a pathetic piece of shit”, dude, like FRICK OFF, dont be mean

i was just hotboxing mi room and mi tendies were redy, and shi scremed at mi and cauled me a naughty word so i sodomised her wonderbolts doll, and she literally smaked mi nuts with a cricket bat

owee

im de onle humen in euqtesirua, so all the horses wnat t2 fuck my sexy hairless ape body ;) xcept rainB dash who is gay and likes lesbian hors

wqhut a fag god gays are shit praise jesus

so anYway i went out wif mi grrl friend named pink and shi had s3x with mi, wi held hnds nd kissed, now babby be made :) :)

thnks for listenin diary, today was a 69/100

Chapter 7: Twilight’s Entire Fucking Castle Is Full Of Shitty Unfunny Jokes

Twilight woke up, and stepped outta bed, and guess fuckin’ what?

Mate, you fuckin’ guessed it.

Semen.

Everywhere.

I’m not even joking mate, I revealed the only gag in this shitty 1000 word fic in the title.

There’s semen, in her house. Holy fuck, I am hilarious. Please get me featured.

Jokes, I actually meant SEAMEN! XD HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Lol, get me featured, I am SO random, xD.

Semen.

Chapter 8: ‘Cause I Have Autism, Silly!

You talk to Pinkie Pie.

“Hello,” you say.

“Hey sexy,” Pinkie says, out of character. Haha, what character?

“Oh shit” you say, spaghetti meatballs falling from your pockets.

“What’s wrong Mr. sexy man I’ve never met,” she says.

“I have crippling autism and I need to die,” you say.

Pinkie laughs, and gives you a blowjob.

There, I fulfilled your fantasy of fucking a horse, you freak.

Chapter (6)9: My Journey To The Sexy Stars; XXX Parody

Twilight Sparkle looked outside of her vessel, staring into the depths of the darkness that surrounded her. The stark blackness of the void outside was contrasted with the pristine whiteness of the inside of her new home, the Eclipse 69. She pulled her eyes back in from the black, to give her eyes a break from the unknown.

She took a moment to admire the condition of her ‘ship’, if you could call it that. It was untouched by any sort of filth. The pure white walls sparkled brilliantly. It contained the bare essentials in furnishing, while having huge cupboards containing all her food, her suits, her notepads, her erotic novels. It was supposed to be a home away from home, after all.

Twilight had always been one for simplicity, preferring to live in a hollowed-out tree over a castle. Many would say that it were not fit for a princess, but Twilight thought otherwise. She also prefered plain condoms, not ribbed ones for her pleasure. What a Trojan, I mean, Spartan outlook.

Twilight sighed loudly.

Nopony heard it.

She looked outside again.

It was just black.

There was nothing.

No sun, no moon, no sea, no land, just nothing.

Nothing.

Twilight frowned.

She decided she was tired enough to sleep. She flapped her wings to propel her, and she floated slowly to a ‘bed’. It was a ‘bed’ in the same way that a dick was a vagina. It was more akin to a modern stretcher than a bed, complete with straps. It was the only way to prevent herself from floating in her sleep. Using her magic, she strapped herself in, and tried to get into a comfortable position. She sighed once more.

Nopony heard it.

Sleep was a fruitless effort at this point, and she loosened the straps. She floated away from the bed, and past a cock-board with many nude pin-ups pinned to it, including a sexy stallion-a-month calendar.

She stared blankly at the calendar. Mr December had a huge cock. It was the day before Hearth’s Warming…

She would be celebrating it by herself. She closed her eyes.

As she reopened them, her eyes darted to the clock, nailed to the wall of the craft. 7 AM. She levitated her marker and she crossed out the date on the calendar. 24/12 had come and gone.

Crisis averted.

She didn’t want to celebrate Hearth’s Warming all by herself.

She wished she had some male company up here. Her heat was more intense than it had ever been on earth. She’d have to study whether space only intensified the effects of heat, if it had any effect at all.

She would be up here, dealing with it by herself. She closed her eyes, and wished for a huge cock to enter her, to give her the desperate release she needed.

She sighed.

Nopony heard it.

Space was boring and lonely. All there was out there was small lights, rocks, and blackness. Oh, and the very phallic Eclipse 69. Twilight sighed again.

She continued staring out the window. God, she was horny.

An object caught her eye.

A large cock-shaped rock passed by the ship. She levitated a clipboard towards her, and started frantically writing.

Name; Hottie

Type; Assteroid

Location; Approx. 69 light-days from Handsome

Description; Object is very large, and is making me very wet. Appears to be made from very valuable materials, such as cock. Possible fucking location in future? Multiple craters, presumably from past anal and vaginal impacts impacts.

She rested, clipping the pen to the spine of the clipboard. She continued staring at the rock, mesmerised by the beauty of the object. Despite it’s scarred outside, Twilight thought it was beautiful. The minerals shone in the light from inside the Eclipse 69. She smiled weakly.

She continued looking through her notes, and she thought about what her mission was. What she was doing in space. Why she was even there in the first place, when she could be home with all her friends, rather than in a stupid, cold bucket floating aimlessly in nothing. Twilight sighed again.

Princess Celestia had given her a very special research task. She needed to gather information on their galaxy. She wanted to be aware of inhabitable planets, potential mines, and other useful objects in the vast expanse of space. For this, she was required to live on the Eclipse 69 for several years. Celestia estimated about six years, although she was going to keep Twilight informed of any changes. Twilight only hoped that her mission would be shortened.

The spacecraft itself was almost brand new. They had only developed this technology recently, after many years of research. It was designed to last forever, and to keep a pony alive for many years. She was well stocked with non-perishables and oxygen.

She wondered why she volunteered for the mission. She thought it would be interesting. To be the first pony to live in space for so long. On the other side of the argument, she was a princess, and she had so many friends in Ponyville. She was devastated to leave them, but she had to do it.

It was for the greater good, she said.

She sighed again.

Nopony heard her.

Twilight was already six months into her journey. She sighed again. If her calculations were right, it was Hearth’s Warming. She imagined Spike, all alone in the library, wrapped in blankets in front of the fire. His two-headed lizard cock, firmly grasped, stroked to the point of ejaculation.

She imagined Fluttershy snuggling up in her little cottage, surrounded by her little animal friends around a fire, and letting a bear fuck her senseless. She imagined Rarity, cuddled up with Sweetie near their Hearth’s Warming tree, which would have been beautifully decorated with many erotic ornamentals. She imagined Rainbow Dash and Applejack in front of an old-fashioned fireplace, fucking like the dirty little animals that they are. She imagined Pinkie warming up with a plate full of gingerbread penises, with a Hearth’s Warming tree, covered with candy dildo. Twilight laughed a little, at the thought of Pinkie and her sugary teats. She would be so hyper.

Twilight closed her eyes and sighed.

Would she ever fuck them again?

She shook her head. Of course she was going to fuck them again.

In five years.

She continued to stare out the window, as if to remove the thought from her head. Oh god, she needed a good fuck.

Twilight couldn’t take it anymore. She needed a release.

She began rubbing her lips with her hoof. She moaned so sensually.

Nopony heard her.

She worked her pussy in a rhythmic fashion, rubbing her labia in a clockwise fashion. She would sometimes rub her clit, which just excited the horny filly more. She was making her hoof wet for the main attraction.

“Ohhhhh,” she moaned.

She decided her hoof was sufficiently lubricated, and starting hoofing herself. She moaned over and over.

She couldn’t take it for much longer. She was close already. All the pent up sexual energy was to be released into the unknown.

She squealed as she finally reached orgasm.

Nopony heard her.

She had not had enough. She looked for anything remotely phallic in the shuttle.

Nothing.

“Drat!” she said.

She decided she’d rub her vagina against the windows of the ship. How naughty of her. An alien could see her.

She moaned as she rubbed her vulva across the cold window. It left a short trail of her feminine essence on the window.

After only a few minutes, she once again orgasmed, feeling like a very naughty filly.

She started slapping her flank, and rubbing her labia.

“I’ve been a very naughty astrophysicist!” she said with a giggle, and another hard slap on her flank.

She penetrated herself once again with her hoof. She rapidly fucked herself with one hoof, while slapping her flank until it was red with the other. She felt an orgasm approaching rapidly.

She screamed as she orgasmed for the third time.

Nopony heard her.

She was in heaven. Nothing could take her from this euphoria she was in.

“szzzz- Princess Twilight?” the radio crackled.

Chapter 10: Less Talk, More Rock

It was a beautiful, sunny day in Ponyville. Rainbow Dash had finished her work for the day and she rushed to meet her friend, the timid Fluttershy. She was listening to the new album that her capitalist mother brought from the local Little W, on her iPod that her capitalist father, who is CEO at Ihatepoorponies Inc bought. The album was 21st Century Breakdown, by her favourite band, Green Day. She enjoyed her Pop-Punk quite a lot. Fluttershy didn't like Pop-Punk. Come to think of it, Rainbow Dash didn't know what she liked.

"She probably likes stupid classical music" Rainbow Dash thought as she flew her way down the street to her friend's house. Fluttershy was expecting her, and Rainbow knew that she was running a bit late, as per usual. She slowed to a stop right at her friend's doormat, and raised her hoof to knock on the door. The door opened before she could.

"Hello Rainbow! I'm so happy to see you!" Fluttershy squeaked enthusiastically.

"WHAT?!" Rainbow Dash yelled back, soon realizing she was still listening to her Pop-Punk. She turned the music off, and locked her iPod again.

"Sorry, 'shy, I forgot about my iPod." Rainbow apologized before stepping inside.

"It's alright, Rainbow. Would you like a drink?" Fluttershy responded, walking into her kitchen.

"Uh, a glass of water would do, thanks." Rainbow sat on the couch in Fluttershy's living room. It was well worn, as Rainbow would often visit Fluttershy. They had been best friends for a long time. Still, she didn't know what kind of music Fluttershy enjoyed. Maybe Fluttershy would enjoy the light-hearted, sappy, romantic, pop-punk music that I like, Rainbow Dash mused as Fluttershy walked into the room, holding two glasses of water.

"So, what were you listening to when you arrived, Dashie?" Fluttershy asked.

"Oh, I was just listening to 'East Jesus Nowhere' by Green Day. It's a really good song." Rainbow Dash replied.

Fluttershy twitched slightly when Rainbow Dash said this.

"That reminds me," Rainbow Dash continued, "What kind of music do you listen to? I've known you for so long, and I have NO idea what music you like."

"Oh... um..." Fluttershy muttered "It isn't very popular, I don't think you'd know much about it."

"C'mon 'shy," Dash encouraged her friend "I really wanna know."

"Oh well, uh..." Fluttershy continued "I enjoy all sorts of punk and metal, like Swans, Big Black, Shellac, I Spy, Slayer, Burzum, Rapeman, Metallica, Earth, Minor Threat, Swallowing Shit, Morbid Angel, At The Gates, Fugazi, and Propagandhi."

The last few bands she named stuck with Rainbow.

"Propagandhi? More like Poopagandhi! Ha! What a stupid name!"

"Oh no..." Fluttershy said.

"Fugazi is an even dumber name! Hahaha!" Rainbow Dash was on the floor, laughing so hard, she almost choked, “What kind of a name is Burzum? Haha!” she continued, “More like At the GAYS! Hahaha!”

"Oh my Celestia, Rainbow," Fluttershy was aghast "You've really fucked up this time!"

Rainbow was shocked by what Fluttershy had said. She had never heard Fluttershy swear.

"Woah, what do you mean?" she questioned.

"Rainbow, you must take back what you said!" Fluttershy urged her friend.

"Or else what? Am I 'cursed'? Ha!" Rainbow Dash continued mocking her friend.

"Just you wait, Rainbow." Fluttershy whimpered, knowing her friend was far beyond help.

"Yeah, whatever," Rainbow gulped down the rest of her water, "Anyway, I gotta fly. See ya, Flutters!"

As Rainbow Dash walked out the door, Fluttershy broke down crying, knowing that her friend would never be the same. She was about to experience a true progressive thrashing.

The thunder boomed outside as the rain pitter-pattered on the window of Rainbow Dash's massive house, on her father's massive 100 acre property. After her capitalist dad tucked her in to her $20,000 king-sized bed with a satin duvet, he clapped his hooves together and the lights were quickly put out. Rainbow Dash stared at the walls, thinking about what Fluttershy had said. What was going to happen to her? Rainbow Dash, for the first time in her life, was actually worried. She shrugged it off as horsefeathers, and closed her eyes.

She heard a thump. She opened her eyes and looked around.

Nothing.

She heard a quiet hum, as if a song was playing at low volume

She saw shadows cast on the walls. Her heart was pounding in her chest.

The song started playing at full volume as the lights flickered on.

She saw two terrifying figures:

She screamed until her throat bled.

The curly haired man said, in his perfect grindcore voice, "Do you know who the fuck we are?!"

Rainbow Dash's face was a paler shade of cyan than usual. She answer with a weak and timid "N-n-noo..."

The curly haired man yelled, "I am Todd The Rod from Propagandhi, I Spy, and Swallowing Shit!"

The bald man said, "I'm Ian MacKaye, from Fugazi and Minor Threat."

Rainbow Dash cried. She was scared. A wet patch grew around her crotch.

"P-p-lease...d-d-d-on't...hurt me..." she whimpered pathetically "I-I take...it b-b-back..."

"Hahaha you pee'd yourself!" The Rod laughed. Ian looked on, amused by the pathetic pegasus.

Tears rolled down Rainbow Dash's cheeks. The Rod picked up her physical copy of 21st Century Breakdown and threw it on the ground with a force rivaled only by the Big Bang. The plastic case and whatever was inside of it was totally beyond saving. Ian pissed on her All Time Low album collection, as The Rod smashed his bass guitar into the remains of her Green Day album. She began to remember what her capitalist right-wing dad told her...

"Kill poor people."

No wait, not that.

"I hate those dumbass bleeding heart left-wing morons."

Not that either, dammit!

"Be brave, Rainbow, you're a big girl now."

Ahh, that's better

She mustered up enough courage to finally say...

"Uh...c-c-can you p-please...leave me alone?"

The Rod and Ian stared at her. Rainbow knew, for certain, that she was now absolutely, positively, utterly, progressively, hardcore fucked.

"Are you fucking serious?" they both asked in unison.

"Pl..ease, I'm-m sor-r-ry..." she cried out again.

"Shhhhhh...no tears," The Rod whispered into Dash's ear, "Only dreams now."

Rainbow seized up as she felt a hand touch her slit. She started crying harder. She knew what was going to happen to her. An hour ago, she was eating her favourite meal; Dead Baby Cow, otherwise known as veal, as if to disguise the real horror of what this capitalist family was eating, with a side of dead baby sheep, otherwise known as lamb, that was killed inhumanely, and were still barely alive when the knives cut them apart. Not twenty minutes ago, she was talking to her capitalist father about how Fluttershy has terrible taste in music, and how she listened to "stupid bleeding hearts in poopagandhi" and "angry homosexuals in fugazpee". Her father rubbed her rainbow mane and said something about how he was proud of her bigoted opinions that she had. Then, after Rainbow's father shot a poor, homeless pony with his new $2,000 rifle from his massive selection of 500 guns, he took her to bed and tucked his little brainwashed mindless filly in.

"Bite the pillow, woman," The Rod yelled, "I'm going in DRY!"

The Rod grunted as he pounded his rattan cane into Dash's tight butthole. She screamed in pain. The Rod soon found himself grindcoring against Rainbow Dash's sweet virgin capitalist asshole, which tightly held his rod inside it. Rainbow Dash begged for mercy, but The Rod was having none of that. He was just doing his job.

Rainbow Dash's entire life flashed before her eyes. From the moment she was born, she had lived a right-wing lifestyle, listening to what her parents said was 'ok' to listen to. Listening to her parents. Believing, in this bullshit system. She was seeing the light.

The Rod was still rubbing his rod inside the mare. Rainbow Dash started to enjoy the sexual experience. The Rod let out a fart that would make his bandmate The Jord jealous. Rainbow Dash sniffed in the beautiful stench. She wished she could fart right now. She liked farting.

The Rod was close. Dashie could tell. The Rod started yelling names like "Sacrifice!", "Cro-Mags!", "Corrosion of Conformity!", and "Millions of Dead Cops!". She felt The Rod blow his thrashload into her anal cavity. It was boiling hot, and she had burns around her asshole.

The Rod asked his friend, Ian, a question.

"Ian, why didn't you join in?"

"Jokes on you," Ian started "I still masturbated."

And all three of them laughed.

Rainbow Dash was a good little anarchist now. She would sit around and listen to Black Flag and Propagandhi records with Fluttershy, when she wasn't busy telling her parents they were fucking stupid or denouncing the capitalist lifestyle. Strangely enough, Fluttershy also experienced the progressive thrash experience from Ian and The Rod. Fluttershy and Rainbow shared their wonderful experiences together, and laughed. Rainbow Dash was a better pony now. She donated to the poor, and became a political activist for anarchist and left-wing causes, like a good, young, concerned citizen, who questions the idiots in authority.

And to this day, Rainbow Dash prays to The Rod every night, hoping for a good anal thrashing.

Sometimes, she gets it.

Chapter 11: Her Knight In Faded Autism

“Oh boy!” Luna said, running up the royal staircase, “I can’t wait to be a useless piece of shit all day and play all these games!”

“Die,” Celestia said.

Luna turned on her Alienware PC, modded the fuck out of. Like, not fucking kidding. She’s got a fucking Nvidia GTX 6,000,000,000. It hasn’t even been thought of until now! She went into the future or some fucking shit and yoinked it. It can run GTA V at the MAX. Fuck me, man. Ironic, because she stole it! That's some clever humour for clever people right there!

Let’s ignore the fact that we’ve never even seen a computer in the MLP universe, besides the toy commercial that is Equestria Girls, let’s KEEP WRITING!!!

She went on her favourite TF2 server, and saw a hot dude named “harpseal2”. Man, he was funny, he was smart, he was sexy. She friended that hot motherfucker so hard.

They became friends, obviously. This is some shitty wish-fulfilment fic. Luna fans are always the most autistic shits on the planet. “She’s so dark and edgy like Shadow!” Just die, please.

“We’ve got, like, so much in common!” she squealed in delight, “Let’s like, meet up!”

“Sure thing, I guess,” the sexy voice of harpseal2 replied.

“Can I like, fuck you?”

“Yeah, of course cunt, it’s a shitty HiE clopfic. It’s gonna happen anyway. I mean, the whole fucking premise of this shitty fic is totally flawed from the get-go, since we’ve never seen a functioning computer in the FiM universe. We’ve barely even seen electricity, except for cheap gags about Twilight being a geek. And I’m forging a friendship with a princess horse online? I mean, how many people have actually met through Steam and had a meaningful life together as a couple? A princess wants to chat to some fat, autist slob? I mean, if you buy this cancerous excuse for a fic, then fine, just come over and sit on my fucking dick I guess.”

“Cool, I’ll be over soon.”

Celestia disowned her shitty sister the next day.

Fuck you all.

Chapter 12: Based On A True Story

Fluttershy felt an urgent need to pee. Why? I don’t fuckin know, just fucking roll with it, Jesus, why do you question every fucking thing.

Anyway, she rushed to the toilet, and she did a fucking LONGass PISS. Fuck that shit felt good.

She flushed the toilet and put the lid down like a good young lady.

Suddently the urge to shit became very apparent so she ran to dat mofukin toilet and opened the lid

Wait what, the toilet was fuckin clogged? What the fuck?

*based on a true story

Chapter 13: Public Service Announcement

SOLIDUS DID NOTHING WRONG

Chapter 14: In Which I Piss Regidar Off

protip: i just did this because im a fucking tool

Chapter 15: Vore fic crossover

Fluttershy was trolling kids on the interwebs, LIKE A BOSS, and then suddenly sonic ate her like Mario eats 1ups. Then some fuckn animatronic from FNAF i dont fucking know ate that shit cunt named Soni and shat him out like mtndew dorito illuminati XD memer.

Fluttershy then shat out a dinosaur which shat out a bicycle.

Chapter 16: The Heart's Desire

Rainbow Dash stared out her bedroom window, looking into the distance. She was thinking. She was usually too busy being awesome or flying to sit down, stare out a window and think. She was thinking she should do this more often.

Her house, located in the sky, had a great view of the Equestrian landscape that spread out below. Actually, calling her home a “house” didn't do justice to her magnificent residence. Mansion would be a more fitting description of the massive sky construct. Simply put, it was downright luxurious, with rainbow-sprouting fountains adorning the front entrance, and many, many rooms. Despite her distaste for the high-life, she wanted a nice house to live in. Unlike other high-life ponies, however, she built the house herself from clouds. She thought that this separated her from them, as the upper-class ponies could barely use a hammer properly. She worked to build a good house for herself.

She liked to look out the window at the beautiful view of Ponyville, especially during sunset. But she would only do this when time would allow it, which it rarely did.

Tonight, however, time permitted her to waste several hours. She was free until sundown.

She was going on a date.

She had several hours to kill while she prepared for the date. Her coltfriend, Thunderlane, was due to meet her at a new local restaurant, called The Haybale. It was very upper-class, especially for Rainbow Dash's taste, but Thunderlane enjoyed the finer side of dining. Hence, their little trip to The Haybale. Rainbow Dash was fine with this. As long as he paid for the dinner, she was happy.

She smirked at her little thought. She was thinking of what she would say to him. She had almost rehearsed the conversations she wanted to have. She tried to memorise her little jokes she wanted to tell. She wanted this date to be perfect. She wasn't a natural at this, and she had very little experience. It wasn't her first date, but it was possibly her most conventional. It was also her most formal, as other dates she had usually ended up finishing in a local fast food store.

Rainbow Dash is many things, but an elitist she is not. She prefers simpler tastes. She didn't like dressing up to eat. She liked being able to wear whatever she felt like wearing (which, in most cases, was nothing at all) to a restaurant. She had very little time for higher class ponies, and they had even less time for her.

She turned away from the window, and looked into her closet. She scanned what little clothing she had, running her hoof over all available options. She picked out her nicest outfit. It wasn't a dress of sorts. It closer resembled a business suit. Truth be told, it was quite masculine looking. Rainbow Dash liked that. It consisted of a navy blue pinstripe blazer and a matching skirt. Of course, there were holes for her wings. Rarity had custom made it for her for any formal event she may need to attend, stating that she “needed nicer things to wear” and she had very little reason to use it since, due to her general avoidance of anything related to the upper-class lifestyle. She rarely attended anything formal enough and she rarely dressed up appropriately for any formal event she was invited to. She figured it was formal enough for her to wear to the restaurant.

After preparing herself, she checked the time. The time gave her a solid hour to arrive. She did not want to be late. Thunderlane was always early, after all. She estimated that it would take her fifteen minutes to fly there.

She did a quick stretch on her front porch, which was stunted by the restrictive clothing she was wearing. Then, deeming herself fit to do so, she took to the skies. She glided gracefully through the sky, slicing her wings through the resisting air like knives through butter.

After about ten minutes of flying, her destination was in sight. The bright signage illuminated the area, and she started flying towards it like a moth. Luckily for her, it seemed that the place was fairly unpopulated, upon closer inspection, with the occasional pony wandering in or out.

She gracefully landed near the front entrance, and she waited.

She was incredibly early. One would not expect a pony like her to be early to anything. However, this event was incredibly important to her. Thunderlane was her first date in months. She wanted companionship. She was lonely. She wouldn't let anypony know it, but she was very lonely. She had friends, sure. Really good friends, in fact. But she wanted companionship. She wanted somepony she could love.

She waited half an hour. Thunderlane was a pony who loved to be ten minutes early for everything. Dash could never understand it. She preferred to be late but she wanted to be early for him. And so she sat there.

She waited.

Thirty minutes later, she was still waiting.

Suddenly, reality hit her like a brick. Thunderlane stood her up. He would never be this late. He would turn up for work early. Even in extreme conditions, he would only be a few minutes late.

Never twenty minutes late.

Rainbow Dash ran through all sorts of situations in her mind as to why Thunderlane wasn't there. Maybe he was caught up working. Maybe he had an accident, broke a wing. Maybe a family member died. Maybe he forgot the time. Maybe he went to bed early. Maybe, she shuddered to think of this, he was cheating on her with another mare. Maybe he died. But none of this changed anything. There was still one simple constant in all her hypotheses;

He wasn't coming.

Rainbow Dash wanted to cry her eyes out.

She sniffled, holding back an incoming flood of tears. She started walking away, spreading her wings to fly away. She bumped into another pony waiting in line.

“Oh my! I'm so sorry!” a timid little voice squeaked at Dash.

“Fl-Fluttershy?!”

She could recognise that soft voice anywhere. What was she doing here? Why would she eat here? How could she afford to eat here?

“Oh... um... hi Rainbow Dash...” Fluttershy quietly greeted her friend.

“Hey...” Dash awkwardly acknowledged Fluttershy's greeting.

Dash looked up at Fluttershy. She was wearing a beautiful dress. It was deceptively simple, with a solid light pink colour. It perfectly complemented her yellow coat, and her flowing pink mane.

Obviously, Rarity designed it for Fluttershy for another formal event.

“Ummm...” Fluttershy fumbled for a thought.

Fluttershy smiled and said, “Isn't this place a little, um, upper-class for you?”

Rainbow Dash realised the situation.

“Oh! Umm... I was supposed to meet somepony here, Thunderlane, but...” Rainbow sighed sadly, “he stood me up.”

“Oh, I'm sorry,” Fluttershy extended her condolences.

“Thanks, I guess. Anyway, I'm gonna get outta here. Don't wanna be seen around these ponies,” she said jokingly, gesturing towards a couple who walked inside.

“Wait!” Fluttershy cried out, catching Dash's attention, “I, uh, wanted to try this place out... and... umm... I don't have anypony to eat with...”

“Yeah, so?”

“Well, could you please... um... eat with me?” Fluttershy squeaked.

“Uh...”

Dash was a little surprised, and hesitant.

“Please, Rainbow?” Fluttershy begged her.

“Sure, I guess,” Dash rubbed the back of her mane with her hoof, “‘Sides, how could I say no to a face like that?”

“Oh thank you, Rainbow Dash!”

“Yeah, yeah.”

They walked in together.

The restaurant was underpopulated, as Rainbow Dash had hoped. The tables had white silk tablecloths placed over them, with typical upper-class restaurant cutlery adorning the table tops. A small orchestra was playing. The entire place had a very “fancy” feeling to it, with marble columns seemingly holding the roof up. They were partially covered with red velvet curtains.

Rarity would love this place, Rainbow Dash thought.

“Why'd ya wanna eat in this joint?” Dash said, looking around at the furnishings.

“Well, umm, it looks nice...” Fluttershy whispered.

“Yeah, I guess.”

A waiter appeared, and soon guided them to their table. He pulled the chairs out for them, waited until they sat, and walked away to retrieve their menus.

“Jeez, this place is pretentious,” Rainbow Dash harshly whispered.

“Rainbow! At least try the food before you comment!” Fluttershy hissed back.

“Okay! Jeez... Don't get so defensive!”

The waiter appeared beside them, handing them menus.

“I will be back soon, to take your orders. Bare with us for a moment,” he spoke in a thick Prench accent, but he was easy to understand.

He walked away to attend other, more pressing matters.

“So,” Fluttershy attempted to strike up conversation from behind her menu, “who were you coming here with?”

“None of your business!”

Fluttershy squeaked, and squirmed in her chair.

“Damn! Sorry, Fluttershy...” Rainbow Dash looked away, into the distance.

Fluttershy looked into her friend's face. She saw a heartbroken mare. Rainbow Dash was, seemingly, a mare of solitude. She seemed above petty relationships. In truth, she was as vulnerable to loneliness as anypony else.

“Sorry, ‘Shy, I shouldn't have lashed out at you,” Rainbow Dash apologised again, “It's just... he really hurt me. I thought things were going so well, y'know, and this happens... it sucks. I'm sorry...”

“Yes... it does suck...” Fluttershy nodded in approval.

Suddenly, the waiter appeared once more.

“What will you two be having?”

His voice breaking the silence gave Fluttershy a small heart attack.

“I'll have the... uhh... Daisy Salad... with... uh... what dressing do you recommend?” Rainbow Dash replied?

Rainbow Dash slowly ate her Daisy Salad. She was pleasantly surprised at how good it was. She was expecting it to be like a typical over-priced meal. While it was relatively simple, nothing groundbreaking in the way of salads, she enjoyed the personal touches the chefs had put on it.

Oh, and the dressing was really good too.

She suddenly remembered Fluttershy's question from earlier. She figured her best friend deserved a reply.

“I was supposed to meet Thunderlane here,” she solemnly replied.

“Oh?”

“He... just never turned up. It was a real pity. Man, he and I...” Dash was looking into the distance again, “we were going so well. He’s one of the only colts I've dated for something more than a one-night stand. We had something... I liked him.”

“I...I'm sorry, Dash,” Fluttershy painfully spoke.

“Meh... it happens, I guess.”

Fluttershy sniffled a little. It became obvious to Rainbow Dash.

“You weren't here to try the food, were you?”

“I'm that bad at lying?” she sniffled again.

“Yeah...” Dash let out a small laugh, “What's wrong, ‘Shy?”

“I-I...I was supposed to meet somepony here too...” she sobbed quietly, not wanting the entire restaurant to know.

“Who?” Dash asked, with genuine concern in her voice.

“...umm ...”

Fluttershy fumbled, wondering whether she should tell the truth.

“...it was... a... m-mare... ” she sniffled quietly.

She awaited a horrible response from Dash.

“Yeah, but who?”

“You... don't care that I j-just came out?”

“No. Who was it?” Dash raised her voice slightly.

“...um... I'd rather not say...”

“Alright,” Dash calmly replied.

Fluttershy looked at her friend. Rainbow had a smile on her face. Fluttershy couldn't help but smile back.

“What do you think of the food?” Dash asked.

“It's... nice.”

“Yeah... I like the salad.”

“Oh?”

“I think the dressing really makes it.”

“Dash, are you trying to ignore the fact that I just came out to you?” Fluttershy asked, her smile fading away.

“No, Flutters. It doesn't matter to me. I still like you!” Dash said, before continuing in a hushed voice to protect her friend’s privacy, “You're one of my best friends. Being gay ain't gonna change that.”

Fluttershy smiled. She was glad Rainbow Dash was so accepting. After all, she was one of Fluttershy's closest friends. They had been friends for a long time, since school. She was hoping that it wouldn't change anything between them. She would have been devastated if had lost Rainbow Dash as a friend.

“Are you gonna tell the other girls?” Dash asked, interrupting Fluttershy's thoughts.

“Oh! Umm... I'm not sure... maybe not...”

“Why not?”

“I don't know... if they'd take it as well as you did...” Fluttershy looked away, rubbing her foreleg with her hoof.

“Yeah, you should play it safe, I guess.”

Dash continued eating her salad. Fluttershy poked her own with her hoof.

“C'mon ‘Shy, eat up!” Dash playfully said, “I mean, I gotta pay for this anyway, so please, eat!”

Fluttershy sighed.

“What's on ya mind?”

Fluttershy looked at her friend.

“Oh... nothing...”

“C'mon, you can tell me anything!”

Fluttershy paused.

“...okay...”

Fluttershy swallowed the lump in her throat. She could tell her.

“Dash... I think... you are kinda... hot...”

Rainbow looked at her friend. If she were drinking, she would be spitting it out. She suddenly started chuckling, obviously containing herself due to their current location.

“That's the secret you've been waitin' to tell me?”

“Umm...” Fluttershy looked away, slightly upset.

“It's okay, Fluttershy, I'm cool with it,” Dash said, trying to comfort her friend, “Wow, you really think so?”

“Yeah...”

“Aww, thanks Fluttershy! You ain't too hard on the eyes yourself!”

“Ummm... thanks...”

“So, now that we're telling each other our secrets, I got one for ya.”

Dash cleared her throat, before continuing.

“I dated a mare once.”

“Really?!” Fluttershy said, in shock.

“Yeah! Back in high school. It was just one date, though. I still liked her and all, but I was young and I didn't want commitment. Plus, there were plenty of sexier stallions out there,” Dash smirked.

“What was her name?” Fluttershy asked, with an inquisitive look in her eyes, “Did she go to Flight School with us?”

“It was... um.... Cloud Kicker!” Dash exclaimed, remembering the name.

“...oh...”

“Yeah! She went to flight school with us, yeah. She was in my class for most everything. She was real nice. I honestly should have stayed with her for a while longer,” Dash said, amidst a cloud of nostalgia, “but who wants to be with one person at that age, unless they're crazy? Anyway, she was really a nice mare.”

After her little speech, she noticed that Fluttershy was upset.

“Hey ‘Shy. C'mon. What's got ya down?”

“She... Cloud Kicker was... my date... for tonight...” Fluttershy sniffled.

“Damn! I'm sorry ‘Shy,” Dash apologised.

“Oh, you don't need to be sorry. I'm just an awful marefriend.”

“Hey, don't say that! I'm sure you'd be an awesome marefriend!”

“...really?”

“Yeah! You're always so nice to everypony! You deserve better than her.”

“That's... a bit harsh...”

“Well, I think it’s harsher that she stood you up! I can't believe that!”

“Well... um... she's usually nice to me,” Fluttershy paused, to think for several moments, before continuing, “Maybe she was sick and couldn't come.”

“Or maybe she's off in the clouds with Thunderlane,” Dash suggested, her heart aching at the thought of him.

“Rainbow Dash! I can't believe you'd say that! She said she'd never cheat on me.” Fluttershy sharply replied.

“And Thunderlane said he was never late!” Dash suppressed an angered yell, so the other ponies could not hear.

Fluttershy paused. Tears welled up in her eyes. Dash recoiled, realising she had upset her friend.

“...maybe you're right,” Fluttershy hung her head in defeat, sobbing.

“Hey, I'm sorry Flutters. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm sure she's just sick.”

Fluttershy sniffled, and looked up at Dash. She weakly smiled.

“I hope she is just sick...”

“It has been a harsh winter, after all,” Dash reasoned with her, “She probably got a cold. I'm sure it's nothing.”

“Yeah...”

Fluttershy and Dash continued eating in silence.

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy walked out of the door to The Haybale.

The food was good. It was exceptional. They both enjoyed their meals immensely. Despite this, they both agreed that it wasn't nearly worth the price of the meal.

“Celestia, it's like highway robbery!” Rainbow Dash stated, once they were out of the restaurant's hearing distance.

“Yes... it was quite dear...” Fluttershy trailed off, hinting that something was on her mind.

“You didn't even pay for it!” Dash jokingly replied.

They were silent once again, as they walked. Rainbow Dash was walking her friend home. She cared deeply for Fluttershy. Her timid nature made her a very easy target for any robber, or any other sick pony.

Fluttershy hung her head low. She was lonely. She was sick of spending nights alone with her animals. Sure, she loved them all, but she wanted the companionship of a pony. She looked up at her friend walking beside her.

No, that's insane. But it couldn't hurt to ask.

“Umm... Dash... could you spent the night with me?”

Dash was silent. She, too, was suffering the effects of loneliness. She hid behind a strong face of uncaring, but she too was upset by her crushing rejection. She wanted nothing more than to be with another pony now, so she no longer needed to feel lonely.

Dash hesitated, before answering, “Yeah... okay I guess.”

Fluttershy hugged her friend tightly.

“Oh thank you Dash! You are the best friend ever!” she excitedly squeaked.

“Heh, thanks ‘Shy...” she replied.

She extended her wing over Fluttershy, as if to protect her from the elements. It was a cold night, and she knew Fluttershy well enough to know that she was very sensitive to the cold, and her dress was not nearly thick enough to block the cold air.

They walked the rest of the way to Fluttershy’s cottage in silence. As they arrived, Fluttershy fumbled for the keys in her dress pocket. Rainbow Dash smiled at her.

She eventually pulled out the right key, and unlocked the door. She flicked on the light. The room had a relaxed, tranquil feeling to it. There were very little miscellaneous items lying on the ground, in contrast to Rainbow Dash's home. The entire place was very organised, to Rainbow Dash's surprise. She thought it would be much messier, due to Fluttershy's animals. She sat down on a sofa.

“Don't worry, Dashie, all the animals are asleep,” Fluttershy softly whispered, “but please keep your voice down. We don't want to wake them up.”

Fluttershy walked up the staircase, as Dash took her uncomfortable dress off, and lay down on the sofa. She was exhausted, and full of food.

Fluttershy walked back down the staircase into the room, without her dress. Dash sat up, and let Fluttershy take a seat next to her. Dash extended her wing over Fluttershy, as she had when the two were walking. Fluttershy blushed as she did this.

“Hey Fluttershy, thanks for everything. I don't know what I would've done without you.”

“Oh, it was nothing,” Fluttershy modestly replied.

“I'm serious; I was out of my mind. I don't know what I would have done if you weren't there. I wanted to curl up into a ball and die,” Dash sternly said, rubbing her wing on Fluttershy's back, “I put in a lotta effort for tonight, y'know? I got Rarity to give me some make-up tips. I managed to pull that suit on. I basically memorised the conversation I was gonna have with him. I was really looking forward to this. And when he stood me up...” Dash solemnly stared forwards, looking at the blank wall, “I... I might've killed myself. I didn’t want to be alive. My first serious coltfriend in years stood me up. Why wouldn't I kill myself? I had nothin' to live for. Then you were there and... yeah.”

Fluttershy was stunned.

“Oh my...”

“I'm really happy you're here for me,” Dash smiled at her friend.

Dash rubbed Fluttershy's mane with her hoof. Fluttershy smiled back. She looked into Dash's eyes, and she felt a passion growing inside her. She had always thought Rainbow Dash was sexy. She wanted to be with Rainbow Dash, but she were too timid to try. Tonight was going to be different.

She needed to do this.

Suddenly, she pulled Dash into a kiss. Her tongue invaded Rainbow Dash's mouth, much to her protest. Dash was shocked. Fluttershy pulled away, after realizing Dash didn't like it.

“Oh my I'm so sorry!” Fluttershy cried out.

Rainbow Dash pulled her wing away from Fluttershy. She was speechless. She stared at her friend.

“Dash, I'm really sorry, I should have asked!” Fluttershy sobbed.

“‘Shy, relax! It's cool,” Dash said, trying to relax her friend.

Clearly, Rainbow Dash didn't think it was cool.

Fluttershy wouldn't stop crying. Dash was really concerned.

Dash pulled Fluttershy's head up, and kissed her. Fluttershy was extremely surprised, but quickly started to explore Rainbow Dash's mouth, as she was doing to her. All too soon, for both of them, the kiss was split up. They had to breathe sometime.

“...woah...” Dash said.

Fluttershy smiled, no longer even remotely upset.

Maybe it was cooler than she thought.

“I think I'm starting to like you more,” Dash smirked.

She pulled Fluttershy into another kiss. This time, neither of the mares put up any resistance.

Dash had never even thought about other mares like this until now. Even with her short fling with Cloud Kicker, it was a purely romantic relationship, nothing sexual. She had always liked Fluttershy though. She always thought she was attractive, but it was more of a complementary way, like she thought she was attractive to stallions. Now, she couldn't think of anypony sexier than the mare infront of her. The mare she had her tongue in.

All too soon, Fluttershy pulled away from the kiss, leaving a small line of saliva from their lips.

“Damn, you're cute.”

Fluttershy giggled at Dash's comment.

“Should we take this upstairs?” Fluttershy asked in a sultry tone.

“Yeah...”

Fluttershy playfully led Rainbow Dash up the staircase and into her bedroom. The two giggled as they ran to the room.

Fluttershy opened the door. Rainbow Dash followed her inside, taking a moment to take in the surroundings. The room was clean, with only Fluttershy's dress from earlier lying on the ground, in stark contrast to Dash's. The bed lay in the middle of the room. She could smell an air freshener, which made the room smell incredibly pleasant. Her bed was neat, until Fluttershy jumped on it. Dash quickly followed suit.

She bombarded Fluttershy with little kisses all over her face, going lower until she was on Fluttershy's neck. She continued to lower her aim and started to patter Fluttershy's body with kisses.

Rainbow Dash continued to kiss her until she got to Fluttershy's loins. Dash looked to Fluttershy's nethers, noticing how aroused Fluttershy was. Her wet slit glistened in the moonlight. Rainbow Dash smiled, noticing that her own marehood was just as wet.

She thought of something Fluttershy would enjoy.

Her lesbian friends had told her that it felt great to have their privates licked. Dash was always a bit freaked out by this. Don't they pee from there?

She levelled her head to Fluttershy’s dripping marehood, and started to lick her slit. Fluttershy squeaked in delight. Dash was surprised. There was no unpleasant tastes of pee or anything. Maybe Fluttershy just kept herself cleaner than most mares. She kept tantalizing Fluttershy by sliding her tongue in and out, until Fluttershy couldn't take it anymore.

“Oh, Dashie! Eat me out! Rut me! Like an animal!” she screamed out.

Rainbow Dash buried her muzzle into Fluttershy's pussy, eliciting another scream of pleasure from Fluttershy. She licked Fluttershy's clit, sending a new wave of pure pleasure throughout her friend's body. Fluttershy squeaked again.

Rainbow Dash continued to explore her friend's vagina with her tongue. She was enjoying the taste. She was enjoying the smell of Fluttershy's pussy.

Fluttershy continued to moan, gradually becoming louder. She was in another world, of pure pleasure, as her friend continued to penetrate her tight cunt with her wonderful tongue in a rhythmic pattern. She looked down, becoming even more aroused at watching her friend eating her out.

At this point, the couple did not care about the animals they may wake up with the noise they were making.

“O-Oh, Dash!” Fluttershy moaned once more.

Rainbow Dash kept her tongue inside Fluttershy, sliding it in inside and out rhythmically. She would occasionally nip Fluttershy's labia to excite Fluttershy further. Soon, Fluttershy felt close to an orgasm.

“D-Dashie! I'm g-gonna cum!”

Rainbow sped up her tonguing, and Fluttershy moaned louder. Fluttershy was very close, now. She grabbed Rainbow Dash's head with her hooves. She pulled Dash's muzzle further into her. Dash couldn't breathe, but she kept licking. Fluttershy was about to cum. She moaned louder, and louder. She pulled herself upright, into a sitting position. She moaned louder, until she was finally brought to an orgasm.

She arched her back forwards, and let out a long moan of pleasure. She released Rainbow Dash, before collapsing onto the bed again. She panted for breath.

“Wow, that was breathtaking!” Dash laughed, crawling up to reach eye level with her lover.

She kissed Fluttershy on the forehead.

“Well... how’d I go?” she joked.

“Oh, you were just great!” Fluttershy giggled.

She pulled Fluttershy's head to meet hers, and kissed Fluttershy. Fluttershy explored Dash's mouth, tasting her own juices in Dash's mouth.

She loved her own taste. She could only imagine how Rainbow Dash's tasted.

Fluttershy was always a submissive mare. Her former marefriends refused to eat her out, they forced her to eat them out. She would never argue with them. Of course, then they'd break up with her, because they “want somepony more assertive” who isn't a total “doormat” like her.

But now, she had her best friend kissing her, after bringing her to orgasm. She was in seventh heaven, and she never wanted to leave.

Dash pulled away, smirking at Fluttershy.

“Now you gotta return the favour!”

Fluttershy smiled, before making her way to Dashie's vagina. She was an expert on eating out at this point. She stared at Dashie's slit. It was almost dripping with arousal. The smell of Dash's cunt was potent, but pleasant to Fluttershy. She loved it. She gave Dashie several licks, making her shiver with pleasure. She was already enjoying the taste. She couldn't wait to just bury her face into her friend.

“C'mon ‘Shy... don't torture me!” Dash jokingly said.

That was her cue. She buried her muzzle into her friend's pussy, making Dash yelp in surprise. Her tongue slid in easily, due to Dashie's arousal. Dashie quickly started moaning.

“Ohhh Celestia!” Dash yelled.

Fluttershy quickly got into a rhythm for her tonguing. Dash placed her hooves on Fluttershy's head, simply wanting something to hold on to. She was on a different planet.

It felt good. Really good.

She had only heard about how great it felt from her lesbian friends. She had no idea how great it really was. She was too embarrassed to ask her coltfriends to do it. She thought her friends were bigging it up. What was so good about it?

Now Fluttershy was showing her exactly how good it was.

She moaned, as Fluttershy continued to assault her vagina with tongue lashings. She had no idea how awesome it felt to be eaten out. She loved it.

It felt better than flying.

It felt better than sex with a stallion.

Fluttershy savoured every taste of Dash's pussy, as she continued to eat Dash out.

“Oh ‘Shy...” Dash moaned.

Fluttershy looked up, watching Rainbow Dash's reactions to her tonguing. Dash was panting, with small smile on her face.

Fluttershy decided to spice things up. She nibbled Dash's nub, sending a wave of pleasure through Rainbow Dash. She moaned even louder.

“Oh Celestia!” Dash yelled.

Fluttershy started nibbling on Dashie's lips, as Dash had done to her. Dash continued moaning, increasing in volume. She stopped for a moment, taking in her friend's scent, before continuing to lick Rainbow Dash out. Dash started to move herself up and down, as if to assist her friend.

“Ohmigosh!”

Dash had never felt this good before. She never wanted this to end. She had never enjoyed herself this much with a stallion. All they did was rut her and leave, or go to sleep. They never let her reach orgasm. Yet, here she was, with her best friend's head between her legs, focused entirely on making her cum.

She could feel herself growing closer to an orgasm. She moaned faster and louder. Her tongue flopped out of her mouth.

“Flutters, I-I'm gonna cum...!”

Fluttershy increased her speed. She wanted to taste Rainbow Dash's cum. Her tongue slid in and out of Dash's vagina.

“Oh Celestia! I'm gonna cum!”

Fluttershy nibbled on Dash's clit, making Dash seize up. Dash screamed as she came hard. Pleasure struck her like a lightning bolt. She kept screaming, until she finally had nothing left. She panted, as her body slowly relaxed from the orgasm.

Fluttershy crawled up to place her head on Dash's chest and cuddled with her.

After several minutes, Dash smiled, and started rubbing Fluttershy's mane.

“That was amazing, ‘Shy.”

She pulled Fluttershy's head up and kissed her.

“Mhmm...”

“I love you.”

Fluttershy looked into Dash's eyes.

“...really...?” she timidly asked.

“Yeah! That was the best sex I've ever had.”

Fluttershy smiled, and rubbed her hoof on Rainbow Dash's chest.

“...I love you too, Dash...”

Dash pulled her into another kiss.

“I wonder how many of the animals we woke up...”

“You were louder than me!” Fluttershy giggled.

“Yeah, I guess I was,” she replied.

They lay there, savouring the silence.

Dash was deep in her thoughts. She liked Fluttershy. She always had. She only now realised how much she loved her. Fluttershy was always there for her, and she was always there for Fluttershy. She wanted Fluttershy to be safe.

She really did love Fluttershy.

She wanted to keep doing this, keep spending time with her, laughing, kissing. She never wanted to be with anyone else, ever again. She wanted Fluttershy to be hers, and she hoped Fluttershy wanted her just as much.

She kissed Fluttershy again.

“So... I don't think I'll ever have another coltfriend again,” Dash jokingly said, after she broke the kiss apart.

“...we could be marefriends... or something like that...” Fluttershy suggested.

“Yeah! That'd be awesome!” Dash smiled, and kissed Fluttershy's cheek, “We could go out on dates, and have sex like this, all the time! It'd be awesome!”

Fluttershy giggled and blushed at Rainbow's enthusiasm.

“You up for another round?”

Rainbow Dash kissed her on the forehead, snickering.

“No, no, no! Can't we just snuggle?” Fluttershy laughed.

“Yeah...”

She pulled Fluttershy into an embrace she held Fluttershy close to her.

“Snuggling just isn't as cool!”

Fluttershy giggled again at her marefriend's quip.

“Mhmm...”

“I love you, ‘Shy,” Dash said, staring into her lover's eyes.

“I love you, Dashie.”

Rainbow kissed Fluttershy, her new marefriend, on the forehead. She smiled.

“Good night, ‘marefriend’.”

Fluttershy giggled.

Rainbow Dash thought of all the fun they were going to have together. She smiled, thinking of how happy it was going to make Fluttershy. She wanted to date her. She wanted to laugh with her, and spent her time with her. She wanted to kiss her, to have sex with her. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with her. She had never felt this way about anypony else before.

She really did love her.

They lay together, embracing one another, until they both drifted off into slumber.

Chapter 17: The Gang Rapes Rainbow Dash (by Dark Avenger)

She calls my name. I step into the kitchen. There's sizzling coming from the stove, and there's an odd mist lingering in the air. A strong smell hits my nose, making me grimace. I can already tell she did something wrong. My limbs tense up, but I don't say anything just yet. She points to the plate on the table and turns off the stove. I take a seat and wait patiently while watching her work.

I sometimes wonder just how she can pull it off. No hands, not even toes, just four hooves, and yet she's working a whole kitchen. I guess that stink is my answer. She does it, but just barely. I stare as she grabs the pan and dumps its steaming contents in front of me. She then uses a fork to scrape out the leftovers stuck to the metal and tosses the pan into the sink.

The burning smell is even stronger this close. I look down at my plate and almost throw up. The blackened mass is like a pile of tar and mud all clumped together. I hear her complain about being tired and having a "bad day." My teeth grind on each other, and my fists are trembling, but I still don't say anything. I let her babble on while I pick up my fork. I tell myself that it just looks bad, but it's going to taste good.

I love steak. I want to eat steak. I hardly ever get to eat steak. Ponies don't eat steak, but I do. Ever since I came here, I haven't seen any meat on my plate. It's been too long since I had a good meal.

I cut a piece of meat and lift it to my mouth. My eyes are watering from the smell. I open my mouth and bite down. Ashes and bile meet my tongue. For a moment, I'm just sitting there, frozen with a fork in my mouth, like an idiot. Then I lose control. I cough and spit, tossing the fork away, and push myself back from the table.

"What the fuck is this?" I shout. She goes quiet, staring at me slack-jawed. Her dumb look just makes me more angry. "For fuck's sake, Rainbow Dash, can't you get anything right?"

"Huh?" She blinks and stands there in shock. "But... I did everything like you said, and—"

"Fuck that!" I slam my fist on the table, making her gasp and jump back. "I asked one thing from you today. One thing! That you cook this goddamn dinner right! Look at this shit!" I pick up the plate and toss it at her. She cries out again and shrinks back as it smashes on the wall beside her. "You burned the steak, you didn't even season it right, and you put onions on it. I told you I fucking hate onions! And you burned that shit too!"

She raises her hooves up, either trying to calm me down or to defend herself. I hate that look on her face. That stupid, scared look where she acts like she doesn't know why I'm angry.

"That's right, you plant-eating pussy. Look at you!" I walk up to her and roughly yank her up against me. She thrashes as my hands explore her face and limbs against her will. My fingers dig in between her lips, exploring her teeth, and I roughly grope at her muscles on her wings and her legs. "All that 'healthy food' bullshit just made you go soft. You're worthless in bed, you can't fly, and now you fuck up the cooking!"

I roughly slap her across the face and let go. She stares at me in shock, one trembling hoof reaching up to the red mark I left on her cheek. "I have to eat all that disgusting crap you make every night and listen to you preach about it," I shout at her. Walking up to the fridge, I throw the door open and start tossing out its contents. "All this stupid shit we have to buy because you horses can only eat flowers."

"P-Please..." she whimpers. "Stop! I'll fix it, just let me—"

"And you wanted to be a Wonderbolt?" I throw a half-eaten apple pie at her. Fucking hate apples too. We only get them because she's friends with that farmer cunt. "They wouldn't take you for a fucking groupie!"

She curls up on the floor, arms covering her head as I keep throwing dishes and foodstuffs at her. Once I run out, I toss one of the chairs at her as well and and a kick in the side for good measure. She's trembling and sobbing, covered in dirt. A smile tugs on my lips, and I reach down to undo my belt. The familiar sound of clinking of metal makes her tense up, and she gasps, slowly turning her head to look up at me. Her eyes are red, the tears in their corners streaming down her cheeks.

"No..." she says. "No. Please don't!"

"Think you can order me around, cunt?" I pull her up by her hair and force her onto all fours. My hands roughly grip her ass and deliver a firm smack, making her cry out. "How about you shut up and do the one thing you're good for?"

She doesn't say anything else, merely whimpers and tries to squirm. I give another smack, and she goes completely still. Moving a bit closer, I press my cock against her slit. It's puffy and bright red, shuddering as my tip rubs against it.

"Disgusting..." I growl. "What, did you shove a boot up there? You should have asked me instead."

She buries her head in her forelegs and sobs, while I brace myself and shove my cock into her. She throws her head back and screams again, while I laugh at how her face looks.

"Oh yeah, nice and tight, like always!" I slowly grind back and forth. Not to be gentle, just to give her snatch some time to get lubed up. "Wish it wasn't so fucking dry all the time though."

Her legs wriggle from the agony she must be feeling, and I feel something wet against my shaft. No doubt she's bleeding already. I pull back and thrust in, going all the way this time. Her arms give out, and she collapses on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Keep crying, whore. No one's coming to save you. All you stupid ponies are too wimpy to put up a fight."

All those stupid shits back home who laughed at me and said I'm a faggot for loving cartoon ponies. They said I'd probably fuck them if I could. They said I never will, same as how I'll never get to fuck a real girl.

Well, look who's laughing now?

"Yeah, why don't you just go and snuff it, bitch?" I smack her ass again. Her screams excite me even more than her tight cunt. "Go hide in a dumpster with all the other trash. I can always find another cock sock."

We go at it for almost ten minutes. She passes out just before I'd dump my load into her. I laugh and quickly pull out, letting my jizz spray all over her back. Sighing, I put my pants back on and glance down at her. Still don't know how she can't deal with four inches. Any real girl would have laughed me out of the room.

A voice calls me from outside. "Coming, Mom!" I reply. Picking up the plushie, I stuff it under my bed, making sure the Naruto-themed blankets hide it from view. I then take off the headphones and turn off rainbow_dash_rape.mp3 on my laptop before I close it. Can't take any chances.

Stepping outside, I sniff at the air. Fucking hate vegetables. I may like ponies, but I wish I didn't live in a vegan family. One day I'll cut them up and cook them and eat their hearts.

Mom sees that my belt is still undone, and she shakes her head. She can probably smell it, too. I don't give a shit. Rainbow Dash is mine to play with however I want. I take off my sunglasses and pilot Metal Gear REX and try to kill my genetically superior brother.

Chapter 18: The Bye Bye Pony

It was a cold and lonely night, and all was silent. Starlight Glimmer slept in her cozy bed. She was awoken by a nightmare. How spooky. She turned on the light. How? Because plot convenience. Look shit-heads I haven’t read a single piece of fan-fiction for years, and also haven’t seen an episode of this fuckin show since the S6 or 5 premiere I actually don’t remember. It took my about 7 hours to sit through it and watch it in 2 minute intervals because it was akin to Chinese Water Torture except I slowly became more autistic. So I don’t know shit about how fuckin lights work in this universe, okay?

Anyway she opened up the fucking draw and noticed that she could lift the base out, so she did. Holy shit, she thought. She looked on the other side. It said;

The Bye Bye Pony

“The Bye Bye Pony...” she said. Oh shit. Oh fuckin shit guys. She fucking did it. She fucking did it alright. She fucked up so fucking bad. Holy fucking shit dudes she fucked the fuck up so fucking hard how the fuck do you even fuck up this fucking bad???? Jesus Christ, how the fuck? This fucking cunt of a fucking horse fucked up so fucking bad. Jesus Joseph Mary and the holy Lord above in Heaven this cunt has absolutely fucked herself. I’m fucking gobsmacked at how fucking stupid this stupid fucking horse is. I thought horses had similar intelligence to humans, but apparently I was dead fucking wrong, because this horse is SO fucking stupid, she just said fucking “Bye Bye Pony” aloud. Do you fucking know what that means?? Jesus christ wait a second. Just fill your mouth with popcorn you fucking fat piece of dogshit. That’s right, I’m going to milk your fat man tits and make the butter for the popcorn which other fat fuckers will eat. Holy fuc-

Wait a second…

Just wait..

Wait....

Wait for it….

Just wait a few more moments….

Wait….

Waaaait….

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait….

Wait a second…

Wait a final moment…

And...

BOOM JUMPSCARE!!!!!!!!!

A CGI DOG JUST KILLED HER BROTHER HOLY FUCK THAT CGI WAS TERRIBLE JESUS THAT IS JUST THE WORST SHIT IVE EVER SEEN HOW THE FUCK IS THIS MOVIE IN A THEATRE JESUS CHRIST OH MY GOD THIS IS JUST HORRIBLE AND CANCEROUS LIKE A TUMOUR ON MY FUCKING NUTSACK JESUS CHRIST THIS IS LIKE BEING MOLESTED BY AN ELEPHANT ALTHOUGH REALLY WHO THE FUCK WOULD WILLINGLY GET FUCKED BY AN ELEPHANT LIKE HOW IS IT EVEN MOLESTATION I MEAN I GUESS IT’S BECAUSE THERE’S NO OTHER WORD FOR IT BUT DAMN THAT IMPLIES THAT AN ELEPHANT COULD CONSENSUALLY FUCK SOMEONE ALTHOUGH I GUESS I’M WRITING THIS SHITTY STORY FOR SOME FAT OLD FAGGOTS WHO LIKE TO JACK OFF TO HORSES AND I’M SURE THEY’D LET A FUCKING HORSE FUCK THEM IN THE ASS AND THEY’D FUCKING DIE WHICH TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST WOULD BE A BENEFIT TO SOCIETY BECAUSE BRONIES ARE THE SCUM OF THE EARTH AND LITERALLY LIKE ON THE SAME LEVEL AS THE SONIC FANBASE DURING THEIR WORST YEARS LIKE JESUS YOU GUYS MAKE JOSEF FRITZL LOOK LIKE A CHILL AND NICE GUY LIKE DAMN I’D RATHER GO TO SCHOOL WITH ERIC HARRIS AND DYLAN KLEBOLD THAN HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU FUCKING FREAKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Starlight Glimmer then died because the Bye Bye pony got her. The fucking end. And this is the end of me making fanfictions anymore, by the way. Trump was the best thing to happen to America, you pussies. Okay bye that’s the end.

Chapter 1: Sgt Scootaloo, Seal Team Alpha Romeo 6 Three and Seven Eighths: The Final Insult (to the entire Islamic religion)

1242 hours.

Scootaloo stood within the heavy jungles of Africa. She had her Gerber Hunting Camping Survival Senior Gator Machete Knife 31-000758 out, and she was hacking away at the foliage of the forest. This was Scootaloo’s final mission as a Sergeant. She would be promoted to Captain at the end of this tour of duty.

One last mission for her, and she would forever be a hero for the cause. She would have wiped out the Muslim menace threatening our wonderful country called Amer-Equestria I literally can NEVER FUCKING TYPE IT FUCK YOU.

She took one final swipe at the Plantae Pteridophyta Pteridopsida Cyatheales in front of her, to reveal a small opening in the forest. Light shone from the canopy layer, and onto a small wooden hut. She squinted.

“Hmmm… this is where those fucking terrorists are.”

Scootaloo pulled her Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol from her Magnum Research Nylon Tactical Thigh Holster. Ahh, her trusty Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol. It’s never let her down. The muslims she’s killed with it.

She walked inside the little hut. Suddenly, a trap door opening. It was a trap! Typical back stabbing Muslim cunts.

She landed, and she blacked out.

Upon awakening, she noticed she was tied to a IKEA Kungsvik sand Börje Chair with Syneco 4mm x 20m Polypropylene Rope. She struggled, to no avail. Suddenly, a Philips LED Light Globe 5.5W Warm White lit up, and she could see clearly.

Several Muslim men stood around her, holding Izhmash AK-47 7.62x39mm Caliber Fully Automatic Assault Rifles. One approached her.

“Well, missus Scootaloo, it appears you’ve gotten yourself tied up in a little mess.”

“That’s Sergeant Scootaloo to you, you fucking anti-Americ-EQUESTRIAN cunt.”

“Too bad, because you will die!”

The muslims pointed their guns at her.

Drat, she thought, looks like I am fucked.

“Any last words?”

“Allah isn’t real, the holocaust didn’t happen, 9/11 was a hoax, God bless the 2nd Amendment. Wake up, sheeple.”

“I wish I didn’t as-”

BAM! And the Muslim is gone!

Scootaloo had managed to escape from the loosely tied Syneco 4mm x 20m Polypropylene Rope. Typical Muslims, too fucking lazy to tie up a fucking chair properly. She threw the IKEA Kungsvik sand Börje Chair at the Muslim. It hit him and he died, I guess. It’d hurt a lot.

She hid behind the Muslim’s corpse as bullets started flying. Desperately, she pulled her Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol from her Magnum Research Nylon Tactical Thigh Holster, and started shooting at the Muslims.

They died.

She snuck through a Hume Doors & Timber Chic Artisan Oak Interior Door into a long, dark hallway. Speaking of dark, you know what I’m sick of? Niggers. Stop complaining about how you need “more rights” and how you are “racially profiled”. You’re just a bunch of whiney freaks who need to grow some balls. You niggers were fucking slaves back in the good old days, so stop fucking complaining! What the fuck is wrong with minorities these days, thinking they can be “equal” to the obviously-superior white race? Don’t make me come after you with my Colt M16A3 Select-fire 5.56 Cal Assault Rifle with a custom Rainbow Dash themed paint job!

She went through the halls of the bunker, looking for her target.

She finally saw it, written on a Hume Doors & Timber Chic Artisan Oak Interior Door.

OSAMA BIN LADEN’S HIDEOUT

NO AM-EQUESTRIANS (or girls) ALLOWED

“Well, it seems that I am a girl, and I am Americ-EQUESTRIAN FUCKING HELL, but I’m still going in!”

She kicked the door open, and pointed her Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol at a Leather Chesterfield Nadia Office Chair. The Leather Chesterfield Nadia Office Chair slowly turned, revealing the bearded figure of OSAMA BIN LADEN.

“Well, it appears you have found me, Mrs. Scootaloo,” Osama said.

“That’s Sgt. Scootaloo to you, Osama,” Scootaloo said with a wheeze.

“It does not matter what I call you… as you WILL DIE!” Osama said, pulling out a Heckler & Koch 14702BK Entourage AUTO 3.74" Black Plain Drop Point Blade Aluminum Handled Knife and throwing it into Scootaloo’s stomach.

She fell over, gasping in pain.

“I have won, Mrs. Scootaloo! MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! America- FUCK I FUCKING MEAN EQUESTRIA FUCKING SHIT FUCK is doomed!”

“Not today, you Muslim faggot!” Scootaloo said.

She raised her Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol at him and fired. It hit him in the head. He died.

“I have saved Americ-EQUESTRIA FOR FUCKS SAKE, but at the cost of my own life. I would gladly die again for this country.”

Suddenly, Captain Big Mac picked her up.

“We have a Code 42069911, Ah repeat, we had a code 42069911. Requestin’ an airlift.”

“Oh thank you Cpt. Big Mac!”

“That’s what friends are for, lil’ Sgt. Scootaloo.”

He carried her out of the dungeon, where there was a Boeing Twin Engine Tandem Rotor CH-47 Chinook Heavy Lift Helicopter waiting for them. Captain Big Mac carried Scootaloo inside, and placed her on a medical bed. The Boeing Twin Engine Tandem Rotor CH-47 Chinook Heavy Lift Helicopter lifted off and flew away, back to America FUCKING SHIT I MEAN EQUESTRIA FOR FUCKING FUCK SAKE FUCK THIS FUCK FUCK FUUUUCK!!!

There was a huge ceremony, and all of Scootaloo’s friends were there. She stood proudly atop a podium, as Captain Big Mac pinned the new badge to her jacket. She saluted Big Mac, and in return, he saluted back.

She trotted to the microphone, and began her speech.

“It’s been a great honour serving my country which I always fuck up typing. I’d like to thank George Washington for writing the Bill of Rights, especially the second amendment. I’d like to thank the creator of slavery, which was a great thing. I’d like to thank Hitler, for trying to wipe out the filthy Jewish race. Thank you.”

Chapter 3: Monobrow

Pinkie Pie was standing at the counter of the Sugarcube Corner. The store had just opened for the day, and she was anxiously waiting for her first customer. She was trembling with excitement.

All the baked goods were waiting inside the glass display case. Many icing colours were splayed all over the display case. All the colours of the rainbow were proudly displayed.

The door opened, and the bell chimed. Pinkie’s eyes widened…

...and widened more when she saw her customer.

He was big man, and he had a big eyebrow. No, he did not have two large eyebrows, he has ONE eyebrow!

Pinkie knew it was rude, but how could she not stare at the caterpillar on his forehead? She was blushing, embarrassed for her own rudeness, and also his appearance.

“Hello, may I have an eclair?”

“Um, don’t you have one already?”

“Excuse me?”

“Sorry! Eclair coming up!” Pinkie said, looking for the eclairs.

The single-browed stallion looked among the pastries that Pinkie had cooked, and noticed a “chocolate caterpillar”, a doughy treat with a chocolate filling.

“May I have, urm, one of those chocolate caterpillars?”

“Sure!” Pinkie said, holding back laughter.

She put the treats in a bag and placed them on the counter.

“Will that be all today, sir?”

“Yes, I suppose.”

“Say, I don’t think I’ve met you before, what’s your name?” Pinkie asked him.

“My name is Bushy Brow.”

Pinkie burst into laughter.

Chapter 4: Il Porno Star

A nervous minotaur walked into a room. It was his big day! First day as an actor! Ever since he had moved from his hometown in Minotauria to Manehatten, he’d been having a crappy time, but an agency finally recognised his talent as an actor. Unfortunately, his English was not very good, but that would not stop him from achieving his dream; to be a world famous actor!

He walked into a room, only to be greeted by a very seedy looking stallion with a handlebar moustache.

“Hey pal, what are you doin’ here?”

“Uh, no English, no money!”

The seedy stallion laughed. He grabbed the minotaur by the throat.

“Better give me a good reason not to fucking kill you!”

He remembered what the agents had told him.

“Uh, uh, umm, two things…” he paused, “uh, iron will, and uh… very big penis! Like stallion, but bigger!”

The seedy stallion let him go. He twirled his moustache, before nodding.

“Come this way, sport.”

The minotaur followed the seedy moustached stallion down a hallway, and into another room. There was a mare lying on a bed, surrounded by cameras, her ass pointed up in the air.

“Alright, you wanna earn the dough? Fuck that filly, hard as you can.”

“Yes yes!”

“We’re gonna call you Iron Will, by the way? You gotta problem with that, pal?”

“No sire!”

“Good, now get fucking.”

Iron Will cringed slightly, remembering his sordid past. He leant back in his leather chair. He turned and looked around at his mansion. A fresh line of cocaine lay next to a credit card, with a partially rolled hundred bit note beside it. He looked at all his achievements. His cosmetic brand. His wife with prosthetic tits. His Italian friends, with their grade A coke.

He couldn’t really understand this. All this from…

Bangin’ a box!