The Biggest Meanie In The World

by The-darkevil101

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Romance
Length: 2209

When a new visitor enters Ponyville, Pinkie is obviously the very first one to greet him. However, she soon wishes she never met him in the first place.

What's going on my enemies? Here is a little story I decided to cook up with, you guessed it, Pinkie getting the worst of it.

The gist of the story is this: A young stallion moves to Ponyville, and naturally, Pinkie is the first one to greet him. However, Pinkie immediately regrets this decision as the stallion…let us just say that he really doesn't like Pinkie. Or people, for that matter. But we all know Pinkie…too stubborn to leave people alone. This could get ugly real quick.

Rated Teen for…well there isn't any sex, gore, or cursing in this. So I'll just rate it teen.

(And no, this is in no way a trollfic)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-27 16:10:17 UTC

"Ma'am, you are very ugly."

The day, like many in Ponyville, was bright and sunny. Not too hot, not too cold. And there was a young, handsome stallion known simply as Black making his way into Ponyville. You see, Black was enjoying his vacation in Ponyville to get away from it all for a month or two. He had a average job, and a nice little apartment back in Manehatten. So you're probably thinking to yourself: "Okay, he seems like a nice guy." Wrong.

The thing with Black was that he had a nasty temper, and liked to be by himself. So you could imagine his luck when a goofy, pink pony with huge puffy hair popped out of absolute nowhere and yelled in his ear: "HI!"

But our friend Black was not amused: "Who are you?"

"My name's Pinkie Pie! What's yours?"

"Wouldn't you like to know..." Black grumbled, as he then returned to where he was going.

"Oh come on Mr. Grumpypants! You gotta have a name!" Pinkie insisted, trotting along with Black.

He simply ignored her as he continued trotting along, not caring one little bit where he was going. But then Pinkie re-appeared in front of him with...shall I say, "Seductive" eyes.

"I'll make it worth your whileee." she cooed at him.

What Black said next shocked Pinkie: "Ma'am, you are very ugly."

"Great! Let me show you aro-, Huh?"

"Ugly. As in, I do not enjoy looking at your face, eyes, gluteus maximus, and anyone related to you."

Pinkie began to tear up: "Y-You mean...You DON'T want to be my friend?"

Black simply nodded his head slowly to indicate his response. Which then caused Pinkie to wail loudly as she bolted off in another direction, and in turn, put satisfaction on Black's face. He then remembered where he was going, and headed off to his vacation house.

Later That Night

"Man, I really needed this vacation." stated Black as he sat in the living room of his vacation house. His job was average wage, but tough and demanding. However he didn't really mind since they offered excellent vacation dates to it's employees. And he didn't really need much in life to be happy. Oh silly me. I forgot to tell you, Black is an avid construction worker. Avid as in, he takes a lot of pride in his work. As he was just getting ready to doze off to sleep, he heard a knock on the door. He grunted audibly, trotting to the door with annoyance. And what do you know? It's Pinkie Pie standing at the door, with a frantic look in her eyes.

"Oh please be my friend! Please, please please pleeeease be my friend!" she begged quite loudly.

For a quick moment, Black actually considered being Pinkie's friend. But then he considered, 'But what if i'm NOT her friend?..'

"No." he spoke simply, and then tried to close the door quickly.

But Pinkie wouldn't give up. She stuck her head into his house to continue the conversation: "Ah come on! I can't live with someone hating me!" she pleaded with puppy eyes.

"You have three seconds to get your head out of my house, or so help me Celestia I will knock you out cold."

"Just...be my friend, and I Pinkie promise I'll leave you alone."

However Black had enough of her shenanigans. He reared up his powerful right hoof and connected with Pinkie's jaw, sending her flying back with a surprised yelp.

"GET! OUT!" he roared with sickening hatred.

Pinkie was practically bawling as she shakily rose up and once again bolted home. As Black slammed his door shut with uncontrollable rage, he couldn't help but dread going out tomorrow and risking a chance to bump into that annoying pink mare.

The Following Day

Black had passed out in his living room after that encounter with Pinkie. He morally made himself sick with raw hate thinking about how to avoid her if he needed to go fetch some supplies in town.

"You know what? Forget it, I'll just go into town and get my stuff. Not like she has friends around town who everyone knows..." he spoke aloud to himself as he trotted out the front door.

Later, as he came close to the market place, he came across what looked like a bakery. He thought about going in when he noticed loud bawling noises from a window on a upper level of the bakery. (Since it was a tall building.) His gut instinct told him he better not go in, so he quickly trotted away from the store.

"Man, that did look like some good food though..." he grumbled to himself.

"Hey! You!" said a very angry voice from above him.

Black looked up with slight surprise as a female Pegasus landed in front of him. He noted her rainbow colored hair and tail, along with her cyan skin. She quickly trotted up to him and got in his face.

"Are you the one bullying my friend Pinkie?" she asked, wrath highlighting her face.

However, Black found it quite amusing that a pony with this kind of color was in front of him.

"And who are you supposed to be? A clown?" he chuckled.

"Don't play games with me. Tell me now, or I'll knock you all the way to Saddle Arabia and back!" she huffed, wings spread out in attack mode.

But none of this scared Black. Living on the streets of Manehatten as a kid toughened him up a lot, and this wasn't anywhere close to intimidating him.

"Answer me!" she yelled.

Black then did the unthinkable: He spit a huge hock-a-loogie right in her face. Which violently sent her off, causing her to charge at Black. But due to him being built like a bull, she simply bounced off of him as he puffed out his chest. And unfortunately, this gathered the attention of a crowd, as the Pegasus quickly got back up and charged at Black again. This time, Black reared up his trusty right hook and connected with the left side of her face, sending her crashing down into the ground unconscious. He then turned to the shocked crowd, and then challenged them:

"Alright! ANYONE else want to fight me?! Huh?! ANYONE?!" he screamed with anger, as the crowd nervously dissipated.

"That's what I thought..." he grumbled.

"Can I...help you mares?"

After the brawl with the Pegasus, as Black later found out to be named Rainbow Dash, he began to calm down. He eventually bought some supplies within the marketplace, and slowly trotted home. Since he wasn't in a rush anyways. But our friend Black's troubles were far from over. As he came within view of his house, he got quite a surprise. There standing at his door, were six different mares. Rainbow and Pinkie were among them. Black noted the orange pony with the cowgirl hat, the snow white unicorn with purple hair, the butterscotch yellow Pegasus with pink hair, and oddly enough, a purple alicorn with purple hair and a dark pink streak going through it.  To be honest, Black had no idea of what to do. He thought for a split second to fight them, but then reminded himself that he was outnumbered six to one. So he tried a different approach.

"Can I...help you mares?" he asked carefully.

The purple one came slightly forward and spoke first: "As a matter of fact, you can." she began.

"I am already aware of you hurting my friends Rainbow and Pinkie, and I thought we could settle this peacefully."

But Black was most certainly not in the mood: "Okay, listen to me. That pink one there, I told her TWICE that I did not want to be her stinkin' friend. And I only knocked out that rainbow one over there out of self-defense."

"You started it!" cried out Rainbow, having to be restrained by the orange pony.

"Well maybe if you hadn't got your funky smelling face in mine, that probably wouldn't have happened!" Black retorted.

"Enough!" The purple one yelled, silencing the argument.

"We just want to work this out...." she started, unaware of the impending rage of Black.

"I really could care less about 'working it out' with you people. I want to be left alone, and if I have to beat everybody away, so be it!" he huffed, unaware of what he was really getting himself into.

"Very well then. GET HIM!" she commanded as the other five ponies charged at Black.

Black quickly dropped his groceries and got ready to fight. Rainbow Dash, naturally, was the first one to get to him. He noted she had her head down at full speed, so hitting her was not necessary. He simply stepped out of the way, conserving his energy for the other five mares. Rainbow crashed into a nearby wheelbarrow, and was dazed for a moment. Black then focused his attention on the orange pony coming at him at a steady pace. He reared up his right hoof, ready to strike if necessary. But shockingly, the orange mare was quick for her build, so she ducked under his right hoof, and countered with a swift double-hind kick to his forehead. Black fell back dazed; he hadn't been hit like that in a long while. But now was not the time for a flashback. He recovered quickly, and grabbed her mid-section. He then, with a herculean effort, threw her to a nearby tree. The orange pony hit the tree was an audible crack, as some acorns dropped on her head, knocking her out. (Since hitting the tree did most of the work for them.) Black then put his attention on Pinkie. At first, she was nowhere to be found. But he then got a huge wallop from a cannonball into his side. He hit the ground hard, as he looked to his right to see Pinkie manning a humorously large blue cannon.

"Who's ready for the party cannon?" she boasted.

But Black was not about to be defeated by a girl. He quickly rose up and stood his ground. As she aimed at him for another shot, he tried to decipher where exactly the next cannon was going to hit. Luckily, he guessed right, as the cannon went straight at him. He juked to the left, and then cautiously went after Pinkie. But she was ready for him, as she lunged at him with deadly intentions. Black lowered his shoulder and violently trucked Pinkie hard in the nose. She yelped a little in surprise at his brute strength, and rolled onto the ground with Black close behind. As she came to a stop, Black intentionally fell on her with hate highlighting his face.

"You..." he huffed.

"This is all your fault!" Black said, growling now.

He then viciously struck her hard across the face a couple of times and then spoke with pure anger:

"Had you never bothered me in the first place...You wouldn't be getting your flanked kicked." He then headbutted her, effectively knocking her out.

During that beating, Black hadn't noticed (or outright felt) the snow white unicorn slapping his back. He slowly turned around to the frantic mare, who then stopped striking him when he faced her. She chuckled nervously:

"Y-You wouldn't hurt a lady?...Now would you?"

Black looked down on her with hatred, among other things:

"A real lady isn't vain like you." But instead of actually hitting her, Black simply pushed her down, and then scooted a large amount of dirt at her mane and face. Which then in turn made her start to squeal.

"ew-ew-ewww! Not the face!" she squealed. But while she was addressing her mane, Black let loose a sickening kick into her stomach.

"A real lady doesn't obsess over clothes." He then picked her up and tossed her a short distance.

"A real lady." he began,

"Doesn't just sit and watch by as her friends get beat up." and with that, he turned around, and put his flank up to her face...and then passed gas.

The white unicorn "fainted" from the battle. With that over with, Black then turned his attention to the purple alicorn. Or where she was standing just a moment ago. He looked around a little frantic, not wanting to fall victim to a sneak attack. He then remembered that there was a sixth mare...with that butterscotch skin...

"*ahem* Um, sir.."

He turned around to face her, chuckling a bit when he saw her stature.

"I just wanted to tell you...You're kinda fat."

Black's eyes popped open with rage as he reared up to smack her. But right before his hoof connected with her face, a purple shield came over her as his hoof bumped off of it. Confused, he turned to the right to see the smirking purple alicorn.

"What's the big idea? Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

She then smirked at him and pointed her head to the ceiling of his house. There, perched on his house, stood thousands of woodland animals all ready to fight him.

"Sic!" ordered the alicorn as they all jumped on top of Black, soon subduing him.

"Now," she began,

"About working this out..."