Unconventional Meetups

by Masterweaver

Rating: everyone
Tags: Flower Ponies, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Wonderbolts, Power Ponies, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2000

Roll the dice, choose your characters, write a chapter, and let the madness spread.

There are a lot of ponies in Equestria.

Like, really, a lot.

A whole lot.

So many, in fact, that it's kind of hard for everypony meets every other pony. And that's not even factoring in those who are not, in the purest technical sense, PONIES.

Which is really rather sad, because if some ponies and some other ponies actually managed to get in the same area and interact some very interesting stories could be told. But it's incredibly unlikely that that's going to happen anytime soon. It's basically improbable to the point of impossibility.

And yet, fate has decided to play a little game. Join us in watching this series of oneshots meander through the most unconventional meetings plausible!

Published 2015-05-27 16:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-15 21:24:28 UTC

Pruning In The Spring

"...and that is why it's always important to cut off diseased limbs," Cherry Jubilee explained with a final flourish of her hoof. "These trees are our livelihood, after all."

The pudgy unicorn colt next to her stared up in amazement. "Whoooooooa. I never knew my special talent could be so useful!"

Cherry laughed, ruffling his mane. "Don't sell yourself short, Snips. A lot of things need to be cut in this world. You just need to know what to cut, and how to do it right."

"But Mom always says I'll be a low-class laborer!"

The mare huffed indignantly. "First of all, laborers aren't low-class, they're high-effort. Every job takes a lot of work, but some jobs focus on fancy and others are very practical. More importantly, though, you've got to remember something: were you born with your cutie mark?"

"...nnnnnoooooo?" Snips tilted his head. "Why's that important?"

"Well, if you weren't born with your cutie mark, that means you had to have some influence on what it was, right? You were the one that had that epiphany, nopony else, and that means only you decide what your special talent is." Cherry smiled fondly. "Back when I first got my cutie mark, everypony assumed I was going to be a baker or... well, something else. But I moved out here and planted this orchard, and now Dodge Junction is on the map."

"Oh. So... I can be a high-class laborer?"

"You can be anything you want to be," Cherry replied. "As long as you work hard at it! You get out what you put in, and all that--"

"Um, excuse me?" A yellow pegasus descended from the sky, grinning meekly. "Hi, um. I don't know if you remember me, but--"

"Miss Fluttershy?" Snips tilted his head. "What are you doing at auntie Cherry's place?"

"Oh! Cherry is your aunt?"

"Married his mother's brother," the mare explained casually. "Fluttershy, was it? I remember, you were one of those ponies that came to help work AJ out of her funk!"

"Um, yes." She bit her lip. "Sorry about what happened with, um, with the line and all that..."

"Low damage, had it insured," Cherry replied with a dismissive wave. "Lost some good workers, though... what brings you out here anyway?"

Fluttershy flicked her mane out of her eyes. "Well, you see, my friend Rainbow Dash has this pet tortoise--"

"Oh, the flying turtle?" Snips grinned. "Yeah, I've seen him! Does he like cherries or something?"

"...maybe, but that's besides the point." Fluttershy waved about the orchard. "You see, last winter he got caught up in a gale or something--wild weather from the Everfree--and, well, by the time anypony noticed Rainbow had kind of already assumed he was--tortoises burrow into the ground and hibernate under trees, you see, so she thought he was just under one of the local trees, and we, um, that is me and my other friends, we thought it best if she kept thinking that, and... well, he might be here, and I want to get him before, uh, Rainbow gets too worried."

"So you're looking for a flying turtle under one of my trees," Cherry deadpanned.

"Tortoise."

"Right." The mare gave Fluttershy a sly grin. "I've never heard a metaphor that creative, but there are plenty of single stallions looking for a night of fun--"

"W-W-What?!" The pegasus blushed furiously. "No, I'm serious! He'd be green, and, and about this big and maybe have a propeller on him, it could be broken I guess--"

Cherry burst out laughing. "Alright, alright, I'll stop. Come on, Snips, why don't we help Fluttershy find her friend's--" She snorted. "--flying turtle? Pfff..."

"He's a tortoise," Fluttershy mumbled from behind her mane as the group started to wander through the orchard.

"Tortoise, turtle, armadillo, they've all got shells right?" Snips shrugged. "I don't see what the big deal is."

"Well, turtles are aquatic reptiles with flippers, while tortoises are landbased and have feet." Fluttershy gave Snips a look. "And armadillos are actually mammals with plates, not solid shells. They all eat different things, too, turtles tend to go after fish while armadillos are mostly insectivores. Tortoises can have a wide variety of diets, but most of them prefer leafy plants like lettuce--"

"Okay, okay, I get it!" Snips rolled his eyes. "They're all very different animals." He turned to an amused Cherry Jubilee. "You should hear her go on about birds--OH MY GOSH THAT'S PRINCESS CELESTIA!"

Fluttershy smiled to herself. "I'm sure it is, Snips."

"NO REALLY! RIGHT THERE!" The unicorn pointed. "SHE'S STEALING FROM THAT CHERRY TREE!"

"She does that, hon." Cherry shrugged helplessly. "I think she gets some sort of thrill from it. You see how she's dressed in all black and not using her magic?"

"Wait, what?" Fluttershy turned, gasping when she saw a white alicorn hop from tree to tree. "Wait, she's actually here?"

"Does this every year." Cherry rolled her eyes. "I don't know why, though. Never worked up the gumption to ask, but it's great for advertising. Of course she denies everything," she added with a grin, "and I might of recieved a cease and desist order from her once for using her image."

"Really?"

"Yep. So I sent her a bill for the missing cherries, factoring in the effort it should have taken to harvest, and let her know in no uncertain terms I'd bring this to court." The mare pulled a camera from her saddlebags, snapping pictures. "We've got a little agreement now: she steals cherries, I use the pics in my ads, and nopony asks any questions."

"It's just... incredible to see Princess Celestia doing something like this," Fluttershy murmured. "Twilight would be freaking out if she saw this."

Snips grinned broadly. "My aunt knows Celestia!"

"Of course I don't, Snips. It's all a big publicity stunt."

The unicorn frowned. "But... you just said--"

"--that nobody asks questions." Cherry Jubilee sighed. "It's not like we talk that often. I've got a good thing going here, don't... don't go ruining it by bragging, okay dear?"

"Um... alright." Snips stared, wide-eyed, as Celestia leapt into another tree. "I don't think anypony would believe this though...."

Fluttershy blinked, lowering her eyes. "Wait... that tree she just jumped in--look at the roots!" She galloped forward.

"Fluttershy--!" Cherry rushed after her. "What are you doing?!"

"I think Tank is under that tree!"

Author's Note

Tank, Fluttershy, Celestia, Cherry Jubilee, Snips

Blizzard Trapped

"But you've got to have an idea! You're one of the cruthaderth, for crying out loud!"

"I'm not an idea kind of pony! It's usually Apple Bloom or Scootaloo who decides what we'll do for the day!"

"You at leatht have some idea how to survive in... thith!"

"We never tried for our winter survival cutie marks!"

Featherweight sighed as the two fillies argued back and forth, shoveling out a small pit in the snow with a slow but constant motion of his wings. It wasn't that he didn't agree with Twist's reasoning... it was just, well, trying to get a straight answer out of any of the crusaders was about as easy as convincing Pinkie Pie that, no, a party on your birthday wasn't really necessary. It really depended on the mood, relative sanity, and situational distractions at hoof, but five times out of seven you just wouldn't succeed. Unless you were one of the vaulted 'older sisters,' in which case they'd probably try to avoid upsetting you, but three special ponies out of the millions living in Equestria wasn't quite enough.

Twist flung her hooves up in the air. "Fine! Let'th jutht wander about without a plan of any thort! I am thivering, I am lithping more than uthual, and our only other companion is a mute pegathuth!" She gave Featherweight an apologetic smile. "No offenthe."

He shrugged and continued digging.

"What are you doing anyway?" Sweetie asked, walking over. "Are you trying to find something?"

Featherweight shook his head, wagging his wings dramatically.

"Wait, I know thith! Um, um... wind!"

The pegasus shook his head.

"Uh... Fashion!" Sweetie squeaked. At Featherweight's incredulous look, she held up her hooves. "I thought, you know, you meant pizzazz and all that."

"We're in the middle of a blizzard! What good would fashion do here?!"

Sweetie shrugged. "Parkas?"

"Ugh!"

Featherweight shook his head, digging into the snow some more as the fillies bickered about what qualified as fashion and what was merely practical. Honestly, the female mind was as much a mystery as.... as something very mysterious. Oh! A detective novel, yes. Except detective novels made sense, whereas fillies would bicker over the smallest things. Well, some fillies. Scootaloo seemed okay, if a little stupid. And unable to understand sign language.

Why were the cute ones always such blockheads?

"How'd we even get here, anyway?" Twist demanded. "And where ith here?! The frotchen north or thomething?"

"I remember a bright flashy light and a dancing... slinkie monkey," Sweetie Bell offered vaguely. "Or maybe it was a slinkie spider. Whatever it was, it was made of rainbow slinkies."

"...Rainbow thlinkieth."

"Hey, I'm just telling you what I saw!"

"Okay, thure, whatever. Let'th not argue about that, we need to... light a fire, I think."

Featherweight nodded, stamping his hoof on the pit he was digging.

"...what?"

Rolling his eyes, he pointed at Twist, mimed speaking, and stamped his hoof again.

"....what, I thaid tomething about that hole you're digging?"

A nod.

"All I thaid wath we need to light a fire."

A nod, and a stamp.

"Wait," Sweetie Belle said slowly. "You want us to light a fire in that pit?"

Featherweight nodded eagerly.

"That's... actually pretty clever," the unicorn mused. "If the fire's in a pit, the wind will blow over it instead of putting it out."

"Oh. Oooooh." Twist nodded, walking up to the pit and digging at it. "Come on, Thweetie, let'sh help Featherweight out here."

"Um, shouldn't one of us go looking for firewood or something?"

"Do you thee any treeth around here?"

"Well, why are we digging a fire pit if there's no firewood?"

The pegasus and the earth pony stopped, turning to look up at the unicorn.

"...what?"

"...Celethia take it all!" Twist kicked at the snow. "We're tho thcrewed, we are tho tho thcrewed."

"WHAT HO, FAIR CHILDREN!"

The three foals turned to seen a blue unicorn levitating a glowing lantern emerge from the raging snowstorm. With a shake of his head, the stallion pulled back the glare shades he was wearing and grinned broadly. "You lot seem a little lost! Let me guess: Ponyville, right?"

"Um, yeth. We're from Ponyville--"

"I've seen you before!" Sweetie Belle cried. "You were at princess Cadance's wedding!"

"That I was, little filly! I was also at Princess Twilight's coronation!" The stallion rubbed some snow off his chest grandly. "Being a dad has its perks, sometimes."

"Speekin oov weech, get ooon weeth eet ye daft ponay!"

The stallion rolled his eyes, gesturing to the small creature flying next to his ear. "This is Seabreeze. He's not responsible for the magical experiment that brought you here, but he did write the textbook that Twilight used as reference. He's going to help us all get out of this mess. Somehow."

"Aye, lassies, eef ye fooollu thees ol coot athrough the majyke pourtal, we'll have ye lot home afor ye ken count them sparkles een ye eyes!" The small creature began to spiral through the air, creating a magical form of color that the stallion lept through. "Now hop to it!"

"Uh...." Twist pointed at the pegasus. "Featherweight ith a colt."

"Leek Ey can tell ye apart! Hop een qeeckamount, lass, Ey cannae do thees forevea!"

The foals shared a look. With a shrug, Sweetie jumped into the swirling colors. After a moment's hesitation, Twist followed.

Featherweight glanced around for a moment. Then with a small sigh, he joined them.

Author's Note

Night Light, Seabreeze, Sweetie Belle, Twist, Featherweight