Evading the Inevitable

by Lolcat4444

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Dark
Length: 5366

A murderer is taking lives all over equestria. Nopony is safe from it. Not even itself.

Lately, a murderer has popped up in Equestria and is running wild. Nopony is safe from it's slaying tendencies. It knows it will eventually be found. It knows it will become an outcast. It knows it will be captured someday, but that day is not today.

This being my first fanfiction, I would greatly appreciate constructive criticism.

(Picture edited by a friend of mine, C13329. Link to original picture is in the source.)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-06 03:11:54 UTC

Chapter 1 - A Typical Day

The loud ringing of the alarm clock awoke the pale cream-colored pony from her peaceful sleep. Returning the favor, she quickly hit the annoyance with a quick slap of the hoof, deactivating it. “Uuugh...” No matter how many times that thing woke her, she would never get used to it. She lay still for a few moments, contemplating the possibilities for dreams she could still have been having in her subconscious, though she knew she couldn’t have them anytime soon if she wanted to keep her job. She eventually slumped out of her bed, and took a quick glance at the clock. “5:30 AM,” she thought, “should not be the time a pony wakes up.”

She was never a morning pony, but her job required her to be awake at the crack of dawn. Making candy by hoof was a long process, and it wasn’t going to make itself. At least she wasn’t in the Apple family. The thought of waking up and working countless amounts of times harder than she did before the sun had even peeked over the horizon made her shudder. After a quick breakfast of Wheat Flakes and a shower, she set off for Sugarcube Corner. Her dark-blue mane with pink highlights bounced to her side as she briskly walked to her destination in the dimly lit town, a weak wind occasionally blowing it back. After a short walk, she reached the hot pink door of the bakery and confectionery.

As she pulled out the key from her saddlebags, she looked at the outside of the store. It looked like any house in Ponyville at eye-level, but from the roof up, it was definitely different. A gingerbread-looking roof with a cupcake on top, decorated with false frosting and candy look-a-likes. It looked edible. After fumbling with the key in her flat hooves, she finally managed to get a good hold on it. “What idiot designed these things, anyway?” She thought as she inserted the key into the lock and turned. After hearing a small “Click!” from the door, she put the key away and entered the store.

The smell of baked goods immediately hit her nose as she stepped through. “Hello, there, Bon Bon!” Chimed Mrs. Cake, “Are you ready to get going?”

“Yep!” Bon Bon replied, though in the back of her mind, she always wondered how it was possible to be this cheery this early in the morning. She strolled over to the back of the store, where the pastries and candy were made. There was a list of things she was to make over the course of the day. “Gumdrops, fudge, caramel candies, chocolate bars...” She read the list aloud, memorizing what she had to make. “Salt water taffy, and... Kompeito?” She finished.

Bon Bon chuckled at the last item, for it was written in hasty, pink crayon. Obviously Pinkie Pie’s work. The pink pony with a seemingly unlimited amount of energy was usually hopping around at this time of day, but was upstairs, protecting the still sleeping young Cake twins in their cribs upstairs. Bon Bon usually would put this off as Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie, but there was a clear reason, and she knew what it was. She quickly pushed the thought into the back of her mind and focused on the hand at task. “Let’s see, gumdrops, fudge, caramel apples...” Something seemed off. She quickly looked at the list again, and sighed deeply while thinking “It’s going to be a long day.”

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Her shift finally over, Bon Bon left Sugarcube Corner and headed toward the market. Sitting there, playing the same instrument that adorned her flank, was Lyra. Lyra was easily Bon Bon’s best friend, and the two usually spent most of their spare time together, doing numerous activities, but today was starkly different. Instead of Lyra’s usual upbeat and catchy songs matching her gleeful smile, she was struggling to move the corners of her lips up, and was fumbling with her songs. “What’s wrong, Lyra?” Lyra stopped plucking the strings with her magical powers and turned to face Bon Bon. Lyra’s false smile faded and she allowed her true feelings to show. “You can read me like a book, Bon Bon.” She stated. “As for why I’m so down in the dumps...” Her voice trailed off and her face showed more depression than ever before.

“Come on, Lyra,” Bon Bon said, “you can share your feelings with me. I’m your best friend!” Lyra was silent for a moment and then spoke. “My Mother... She died yesterday.”

“That’s terrible! What happened?” Although Bon Bon already knew. The rumor had spread across Ponyville like a wildfire, as did most things that the town heard. With  the amount of customers chatting at Sugarcube Corner, she had overheard the news many times during the making of her sweets. Lyra held her head down. “She was... Murdered.” Lyra suddenly burst into tears, burying her face into Bon Bon’s shoulder. Tears streamed down the aquamarine pony’s face and into the coat of Bon Bon, who was trying to calm the pony down. Some onlookers glanced at the spectacle that had suddenly occurred, but quickly went back to their everyday work. A few minutes passed before the sobs started to clear.

After regaining her composure, Lyra looked over towards the marketplace, and all the busy ponies, then turned her head back towards Bon Bon. “It’s so unnerving knowing that any of the lovely ponies here could be gone the next day. Erased from our world without a moment’s notice.” She looked at the ground. Bon Bon knew well what was going on. A murderer was on the loose in Equestria. Ponies were being killed almost daily now, causing news sources to broadcast the loss of a new soul every time. Bon Bon put on a calming expression. “Lyra, calm down. Justice will eventually be brought to this thing, whoever or whatever it is.” Bon Bon calmly stated. “You need to relax. How about some time at the Ponyville Spa? On me, of course.” “That... That sounds wonderful.” Lyra said, wiping the remaining streaks of tears. The two ponies set off for the Spa, hoping that simple comforts would wipe their minds of recent events.

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Lyra and Bon Bon left the Spa, feeling revitalized from their earlier talk. It had almost completely slipped their minds, and they hoped it would stay this way. Gossip of gruesome deaths to the hooves or claws of some mysterious being was probably one of the least favorable daily conversation topics. Their day was a pleasant one afterwards, talking about the news that hadn’t reached the front pages, sharing a few sweets Bon Bon had “accidentally” made extras of, listening to new tunes Lyra had made up for her favorite instrument, and some of their other normal activities. Eventually, the hour turned late, and the sun began to sink back to the position it was in before everypony awoke. Lyra notified Bon Bon that she was heading home. After a quick goodbye, Lyra departed.

The sky, thanks to Rainbow Dash and the rest of the weather team, was completely clear of clouds. Bon Bon traveled up to one of the larger hills near Ponyville to see the last rays of sunlight depart to the horizon. She then quickly turned around to see the moon rise. One of the most beautiful parts of the world, in Bon Bon’s opinion, was the rising and setting of sun and moon. She didn’t want to miss this perfect opportunity to see them at their best. The moon slowly rose over Ponyville, and graced each pony with the pale light of the night. Bon Bon definitely appreciated the princess’ work, but it was late. She descended the hill and trotted towards her home and her comfortable bed, awaiting her with pleasant dreams. Little did she know she was being followed by a highly stealthy pegasus, its wings sounding like no more than a slight breeze that blended perfectly with the wind. The pegasus stalked her from an arial view all the way to Bon Bon’s house until it chose to strike. Bon Bon was steps away from her home, prepared to lay her head down to rest, when the dark figure landed menacingly directly in front of Bon Bon.

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Chapter 2 - Mysterious Findings

Lyra was on her way home. The moonlight lit the path ahead leading to her destination. As she walked, she passed by the restaurant where she and Bon Bon had eaten dinner. Light pink exterior walls showed a large amount of wear due to weather and the disasters that occurred in Ponyville far too often, and a simple thatched roof covered the building. Had it not been for the large neon green sign and the outside seating areas, it may have been mistaken as just another cozy abode in the quaint town. Lyra glanced over towards the table she had shared with her best friend. A hot pink object could be seen lying in the grass just underneath it. Curious, Lyra stepped over the wooden fence separating her and the object.

As she approached, Lyra noticed it looked like one of the keys used to open the doors to Sugarcube Corner. She picked it up and momentarily stared at the key with a cupcake symbol on the broad side, confirming that it was for the bakery. Bon Bon had recently taken a job there, so Lyra figured this key belonged to her. She figured it would be best to return to Bon Bon tomorrow, seeing as she had a spare in case this sort of thing happened. As she slipped the key into her saddlebags, she suddenly heard a piercing scream. Her head jerked up as she turned in the direction of the raucous noise. The direction of Bon Bon’s house.

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Seeing a figure appear directly before her, Bon Bon’s natural instinct was to release a high pitched scream and panic slightly. Her alarm quickly dissipated, though, as she saw the figure in front of her was laughing. Quickly reaching into her saddlebags with her muzzle, she pulled out a flashlight that closely resembled her coat’s color. Flipping it on, she saw a light blue pegasus with an unkempt, rainbow-colored mane and tail giggling at the sight of Bon Bon’s fright. “Rainbow Dash!” Bon Bon nearly yelled, “Why are you scaring me half to death!” “Aw, lighten up,” Rainbow Dash said through giggles, “you can’t take a good prank?” “Prank? Really?” Bon Bon questioned angrily. “Landing on somepony’s doormat in the middle of the night when a murderer is running loose is a prank to you?”

“Well, when you put it like that...” Rainbow flew up above the cream pony as she thought. “I guess I can apologize for that.” Rainbow stated. “Sorry.” Bon Bon didn’t seem very pleased to hear that, though. She jumped up, trying to ground the pegasus. Rainbow flew up higher as she let out a surprised shout. As the earth pony frantically jumped in anger to reach her, Rainbow decided it would probably be best to let her think it over and to apologize to her later. Rainbow never was very good at planning ahead, and it showed. As she flew to her cloud home that had drifted above the Everfree Forest, she failed to notice Bon Bon was still chasing her. As she flew, above the treetops, Bon Bon quickly submerged into thick, green foliage.

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It wasn’t long after the scream that Lyra bolted towards the source. Her aquamarine hooves traversed the green grass and rocky paths between her original point and the abode of her best friend. As she approached, she noticed Rainbow Dash flying over the Everfree Forest. What interested her more was that an infuriated Bon Bon was entering the forest that everypony was warned to avoid. Lyra dashed towards the entrance of the forest, hoping she could stop Bon Bon before it was too late. As she approached, all she heard was the soft rustling of bushes and other plant life being moved by the body of her friend. She was too late to catch her at the entrance. Thankfully, the shade from the trees had kept the ground moist enough to produce a thin layer of mud from the last rainstorm. Bon Bon’s hooves left small indentations in the forest floor, and Lyra had to get Bon Bon back. She carefully followed the hoofprints through the forest.

The lush green canopy overhead was a constant reminder of just how dangerous a place she was in. The Everfree Forest was avoided for a reason. Numerous deadly creatures roamed here. Manticores, Ursas, Cockatrice, and plenty of other foes she could not hope to fight one-on-one. She wanted to get out as soon as possible, but if she quickened her pace, she might lose track of the hoofprints. She continued to slowly trod through the forest. One thought had entered her mind, though. “If Bon Bon was chasing after Rainbow Dash, then wouldn’t she have left after realizing the trees would completely block her view of Rainbow Dash?”

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“Good. I needed an excuse.” Bon Bon thought as she careened through the maze of vegetation. She was running through here almost daily now, and she had to come up with an excuse every time she came in to avoid getting caught doing what she really was doing in a dark, dreary forest. She had taken this path enough times to memorize it. She hardly needed to think. She was on pure autopilot, dodging each tree that suddenly appeared out of the darkness, leaping over each bush that crossed her path. Her direction was not straight, but rather a seemingly random pattern of curved turns.

It was not random, though. During the Winter, Bon Bon had entered the forest knowing most of the creatures would either be hibernating or be hindered by the snow blanketing the ground. She had carefully and slowly traveled around the area, searching for dens of the beasts and the marks of their territory. After creating a rather intricate map of the surrounding area, she marked the territory zones on the map. The map looked rather like a very complicated maze somepony would make for purposes of entertainment. A few hours later, she had solved the forest’s riddle, carving a relatively safe path from the entrance of her house to the heart of the feared woodland.

To hide her true work, Bon Bon had purposefully rammed herself against a prickly tree that day months ago, giving herself bruises and scratches. She used these injuries to play her trip to the forest off as being attacked by timberwolves when searching for some rare berries for some candy she wanted to make. Bon Bon snapped out of her reminiscing state as she approached her destination.

A large clearing with overgrown grass and weeds littered the area for the most part. However, near the very center, a trapdoor was hiding from the view of any unaided eye. Made to have the functionality of both an entrance and a flowerpot, the door was heavy and made of a brownish-black clay, soil packed tightly into an indentation on the top. The trapdoor blended in perfectly with the surrounding foliage, looking like just another patch of grass in the expansive forest. Looking behind her back and checking that nopony was closely following her, she lifted the edge of the door open with her hooves. Checking once more that she was alone in the clearing, the entered the door and lowered herself into the passage before her.

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Lyra had no idea why she was going through the forest anymore. Her instinct seemed to simply push her forward. Ever since stepping foot inside, each sound of a twig snapping or an owl hooting made Lyra freeze in her tracks for a few moments. Everything she had heard about this place had convinced her that this was one of the most feared places in Equestria, and that nothing was safe. Bon Bon’s tracks were getting more and more scarce the further in she traveled, making it difficult to determine which way Bon Bon had been running. Somehow, through both a mix of careful surveying and pure luck, Lyra managed to stumble into the clearing. “Great. Just great.” Lyra muttered under her breath. The tall grass had all but eliminated any chance of following Bon Bon further into the woods.

Lyra was about to turn back, but her mind urged her to continue forward. Lyra chose a random direction from her point in the clearing, and continued trotting forward. Her hooves rustled against the grass, growing nearly as high as her body. Suddenly, her hoof hit something firm. It hurt slightly, and Lyra thanked Celestia her hooves were as sturdy as they were. She bent her neck down to investigate what her hoof hit. It seemed like a rock, but rocks usually don’t form in a long, hollow, square shape. She suspected something was hidden underneath. Sure enough, after a few tries of scrabbling with her hooves, she lifted the rock, along with a small portion of grass. A hidden passage revealed itself to Lyra.

Lyra just stood there looking befuddled for a few seconds. “Was this Bon Bon’s work? What has she been hiding all this time?” Lyra thought aloud as she held up the slab of clay. She thought about turning around. She could forget that she ever came here, that whatever was down there didn’t have to be discovered. Eventually, though, she shook the thought away and slowly entered the passage. She slid the top over the opening, and the passage turned pitch black.

Chapter 3 - A Horrifying Discovery

Lyra carefully felt her way around the passage until she saw the faintest glow of light. The sight was welcoming to Lyra, and she headed straight toward it in hope of finding the source. She was steps away when she slowed to a stop.

Hanging above her was a torch mounted to the wall, but this was not what caught Lyra’s eye. The flames of the torch were black, and rather than giving off light, it sucked it in, growing larger by the second. It was very suspicious to Lyra, that somepony would have the light sucked away rather than having it give sight. She noted it mentally as the last of the light was inhaled by the torch and the room once more became pitch-black. Lyra sighed and continued to hold her hoof against the wall as a guide.

She could swear that laughter was echoing seemingly through the wall, surrounding her with a cheerful, yet terrifying noise. As she clumsily followed the wall, her eyesight adjusted to the darkness after a long period of time, and she released her hold on the passage’s rough walls. The passage was very cave-like, but with a carved path with occasional bumps obviously meant for walking on. It was like somepony wanted her to travel down this path. She shivered at the thought of what could be at the end of this path. Her traveling quickened now that she could see slightly. The path seemed to go on forever, and Lyra’s legs were tiring from the distance she had traveled.

She sat down to take a quick rest before she would resume her chase for her friend. As she sat, she thought of the past events of the day. “Our friendship... Was it all just a ruse? A trick to hide something? Is it... Real?” Lyra thought aloud. She shed a tear at the thought. As her tear landed on the cave floor, it sank straight in.

The ground suddenly shook beneath Lyra, and an opening appeared to her immediate left. Lyra was awestruck. She quickly looked at the ground where the tear had landed. A very small indentation could be seen on the ground, looking like just wide enough to hold a quill in place. Nopony would have batted an eye at it, especially if you were in a dark cave, rushing through to find someone important. The opening was hardly noticeable as well. The rock blended in perfectly in with the cover, seeming like no more than cracks in the wall.

Lyra hesitantly entered the new opening, all the while wondering how huge this secret must be to be hidden this well. Her eyes had nearly completely adjusted by this point. She was able to see clearly enough to notice small markings on the wall, carved in a foreign language she didn’t understand. It looked fairly new as well, meaning that this had been recently engraved.

Her long trek continued as she scanned the walls full of markings and symbols. After a few minutes, she began to notice a surprising amount of left turns. Was she traveling in a circle? Lyra memorized a line of symbols before continuing on. After a while, she spotted the exact pattern again. “Then that means there has to be something hidden around here.” Lyra suspected.

She felt around the wall and floor with her hooves for a moment, and then she saw it. A simple square carved in the wall. Lyra hadn’t seen another one like it, and decided it was as good a lead as any. Upon applying pressure to the square, it sank into the wall, and another passage appeared. This time, however, it was directly underneath her feet. She barely had time to register the movement underneath her before she fell into the hole beneath her.

She fell into another passage, and at the end, she could clearly see a metal door. As she moved across the passage to the door, she thought about what had occurred. “I was never this good with puzzles... What changed? My desire to find my friend? A wish to discover the secrets of this maze? Or something deeper?” She reached the door. Her first instinct was to reach for a handle, but there was not one on the door. She scanned around before finding a lever Lyra gulped as she rested her hoof on the lever.

Her mind repeated what it thought before entering the cave system. She wished she could turn back, but there was no visible exit besides the one directly in front of her. She took a deep breath, pulled the level, and watched as the door began to creak and screech as is slowly opened. Nothing, however, could have prepared Lyra for what she saw on the other side.

Before her was a dome-shaped room, the perimeter made completely of metal. A large assortment of metal trays and machines were scattered throughout the inside of the dome, a majority of which were operating. Several tools and weapons adorned the interior, all different, most of them stained red. The floor, too was stained this color. This was not what drew Lyra’s attention, though. In the center of the room, Lyra watched horrified as she saw Bon Bon covered in blood, holding a sharp knife just above a terrified mare.

Time seemed to slow down to nearly a stop for Lyra. She wanted to call out. She wanted to save the mare. She wanted to scream for Bon Bon to stop. No words came, however. The knife was plunged right into the frightened mare’s heart. Blood splattered all across the room. The mare’s eyes rolled into the back of her head. Bon Bon quickly withdrew the knife, causing more blood to trickle to the floor. “Celestia killed my kind,” Bon Bon stated with no remorse. “So I’ll kill her beloved subjects, one by one.” A sneer adorned the face of Bon Bon, unbeknownst to one who had found her out.

(Exactly 1000 words.)

Chapter 4 - Running From Your Fears

Bon Bon’s smile quickly faded from her face. As she turned to face Lyra, the green pony screamed once more. What Lyra saw was too much to bear. Her best friend stood before her, a monster.

Her eyes seemed to be missing completely, with only a bright, red glow emanating from her eye sockets. A pure black goo seemed to be leaking out of the eye, pulsating as if it were alive. The wrapped candies adorning Bon Bon’s flank had disappeared, revealing images of bleeding pony skulls in their place. Whatever words Lyra might have spoken had disappeared completely, leaving only terror.

She backed away slowly, but Bon Bon followed her, matching her pace. The glow inside Bon Bon gazed directly into Lyra’s eyes.

“Of course you of all ponies had to find out in this blasted town.” Bon Bon angrily said.

Lyra bumped into the door that had closed behind her.  “I’m trapped...” She thought. “No!” She swerved her head around wildly, searching for something that could help her.

All the weapons surrounding her had locks on them, making them unusable. Bon Bon was closing in. Lyra’s heart was beating so fast she felt it would surely explode. Suddenly, her horn began to glow on its own, radiating magical energy Lyra had no control over.

Immense pain seared through her body as the mysterious spell began to engulf Lyra in a minty green barrier. Lyra screamed louder than she ever had as the pain reached its peak.

Bon Bon stepped back and prepared herself for whatever effect this spell could have on her. Her hoof suddenly flew over her eyes as the barrier imploded into itself, scattering radiant light everywhere.

The light slowly disappeared, and Bon Bon lowered her hoof down. The spell was gone, but so had the unicorn casting it.

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A column of light erupted into the sky from the Everfree Forest’s heart. In it’s wake, Lyra lay, exhausted from what had just happened. Her vision was extremely blurry, her head ached like a hydra had trampled on it, and she could hardly move. In this condition, should any creature in the forest find her, she would be quickly devoured.

With the last of her strength, Lyra pulled herself over to a hollowed out rock near the edge of the clearing. The rock was just large enough for her to fit in. Once she had gotten inside, her exhaustion finally got the better of her, and she collapsed, unconscious.

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Lyra awoke to the prodding of a light blue hoof.

“Hey, Lyra, are you okay?” The source of the hoof asked worriedly.

Lyra grunted as she lifted herself out of the rock, finding herself face to face with a sapphire blue unicorn with a mane of both dark blue and light gray. Her cutie mark was an hourglass.

“Colgate?” Lyra asked, “How did you find me?”

“Well, a few ponies were still up when that tower of light came out of here,” Colgate explained, “and we joined up and decided to investigate. We didn’t expect somepony to be out here sleeping, that’s for sure.”

Lyra suddenly remembered last night, and all that had happened. She ran out into the clearing, past a very confused Golden Harvest and Roseluck. She stopped when she reached the spot where she had entered the passage. The trapdoor was no longer there. Lyra frantically searched for the way into Bon Bon’s chamber.

Three ponies slowly approached her.  “Hey, what are you looking for, Lyra?” Golden Harvest asked.

Lyra stopped searching, and faced the three ponies looking quizzically at her. A tear ran down her face as she spoke. “Bon Bon.” She recounted what she had seen and felt in the past night, speaking it clearly to her friends. When she finished, all three listeners had a very surprised look on their face.

“Wow, that must have been some dream!” Roseluck stated.

“You should write that down!” Golden Harvest exclaimed.

Colgate stayed silent. Whether Colgate believed Lyra or not, she wouldn’t know.

“But... It was all real! I know it!” Lyra argued.

“That’s not possible,” Golden Harvest stated, “because we searched this entire field before finding you, and we didn’t find a thing!”

“Wha- but- how- I don’t understand! It couldn’t have been a dream! How else did I get here?”

“Sleepwalking?” Roseluck suggested.

“No!” Lyra was very annoyed. “I know it happened! Where’s Bon Bon!”

The trio was silent for a moment.  “I don’t know... In her house, maybe? Sleeping?” Golden Harvest asked rather sarcastically.

“Look. I don’t think anything like that happened, especially not Bon Bon being... odd.” Her tone took on a more soothing and persuasive tone. “Maybe we should head back to Ponyville and just forget your dream. Perhaps we can even stop by Bon Bon’s place for some treats.”

Lyra stood up and hung her head low. She couldn’t think of anything that would convince her friends that what she had witnessed was real. Except... “Okay,” Lyra said, “we’ll go back. But we have to go to Bon Bon’s place.”

Golden Harvest sighed. Lyra wouldn’t let this go, but if she got back to Ponyville, that would be a good step to ceasing her crazy talk.  “Alright.”

The four ponies began walking back from where they had come. Thankfully, the Everfree Forest was a lot more welcoming in the daylight, even if it was still foreboding.

The occasional beam of sunlight leaked through the densely packed trees, and many of the more dangerous creatures, being nocturnal, were asleep.  To Lyra, it definitely seemed like it was a much shorter route to get back to Ponyville. Perhaps it had been how slowly she had been going and how afraid she was.

Eventually, the four ponies set foot on the border connecting the town to the forest, and could see Bon Bon’s house in the distance. As promised to Lyra, they all traveled straight for the house. Golden Harvest reached the door first, eager to remove the preposterous thoughts swarming Lyra’s head. She raised a hoof to knock on the door...

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Bon Bon, once more, dashed through the trees at top speed, narrowly avoiding all the obstacles in her path.. “Just figures,” She mumbled under her breath, “that the one contingency for which I don’t have a backup plan happens.”

She had painted over her cutie marks so they were candies again, and her eyes once more looked like ones of a pony, thanks to enchanted lenses she had obtained from one of her kind before they were slain. The memory of her family and friends dying before her eyes filled her with hatred and rage. She quickly pushed the memory to the back of her mind and continued with the task at hoof.

Now that she had been discovered, she would most likely be known throughout Ponyville as some sort of demonic monster, and through Twilight Sparkle’s connection to the Princesses, Celestia would discover she had missed one. It was only a matter of time; but the longer she lived, the more complete her mission could be. The closer she got, the better. Where she was headed, she had no idea, but away from Ponyville was enough for now. She did have one limitation, however. “I need to find somepony to give me my source of energy.”

Announcement

So, after my extremely long "break," I went through my chapters again. Quite simply, I think they need a bit of revision. What I see here, at the moment, is a rough draft. A VERY rough draft. I mean to change that, making it more of what I can truly be capable of. More description, less jumping around, a less predictable plot, and the largest change: Words that require you to pick up a dictionary half the time. :trollestia:

For those that hate this story: please continue the hate! Even though I'm revising this story, it's just practice! I want as much criticism (constructive or not,) as I can get! Well, save "It's unoriginal! DURR." I know this. Like I said: it's practice. Any of the stories I post as "practice" before pooling into my original ideas will be, obviously, unoriginal. Plus, I'm doing this for fun and to improve my writing, not fame.

I'm going to be moving the old chapters to here, just in case you wanted to read them again. Password: EtEScraps