Horse People Go Naked

by Typist Gray

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Princess Luna, Original Character, Bat Pony, Comedy, Self Insert, Princess Celestia, Sex, Anthro, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 2273

Thomas, a human, has appeared in the magical land of Equestria, though it is much different from the show. Ponies of this world are all anthros. What's more, Thomas has been assigned as Princess Luna's royal concubine.

Thomas, a human and fan of a certain popular cartoon, has appeared in the magical land of Equestria, though it is much different from the show. Ponies of this world are all anthros, very tall anthros, and they don't normally wear clothing. The history of this world is much the same as it is on the show, though different in a number of key areas. What's more, Thomas has been assigned as Princess Luna's royal concubine.

Hijinks ensue.

Also, because so few people are catching on to this, the main character has depression along with symptoms of autism.

Featured 12/14/15 you guys kick several of the ass.
Also, on 7/4/16, and you guys are still awesome.
And again on 6/12/17.
And yet again on 5/27/19.
And yet again-again on 1/27/19.
And yet again again again on 2/24/20.
Once more on 3/30/20.
Surprisingly, also on 8/3/21.
And once again on 9/6/21.
Still again on 3/7/22.
And wow, on 4/4/22, too.
And, surprisingly, on 9/5/22.
And starting off a new year on 2/6/23.
And a-freaking-gain on 12/4/23.
And on 12/2/24, because some people don't learn their lesson.

Credit to Portal 82 http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Portal82 for the cover.

And I'd like to thank my editors
DFatman http://www.fimfiction.net/user/DFatman
AuthorGenesis https://www.fimfiction.net/user/AuthorGenesis

Please check out my Subscribestar for early posts and extra content https://subscribestar.adult/typist-gray

Published 2015-05-29 04:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2025-02-03 22:35:36 UTC

Prologue

Thomas groaned wearily. Everything hurt, especially his head. The floor was carpeted with a soft material. After regaining his senses, he looked around to see he was in the room of someone who must have really liked purple. The drapes, carpet, walls and even sheets on the exceptionally large bed were all different shades of purple. He looked out the open window and saw the moon slowly rising in the evening sky.

Thomas wondered how long he’d been out. The last thing he remembered was picking out cereal at the grocery store. It was a little before noon then. He tried to move a bit, but whatever he’d just gone through left his legs wobbly.

Suddenly the large doors flung open. Someone yelled “seize him!” and Thomas was hurled across the room and pressed against the wall. When he recovered his senses, Thomas looked down to see two large spears pointed directly at his throat. The wielders of the spears were two large men in dark blue armor.

Before Thomas could ask any questions, his eyes focused on movement over by the doors. Cautiously he looked up to behold a stunning sight. It was an exceptionally large woman with dark violent skin wearing an even darker dress. She wore a metal necklace engraved with the crest of the moon. Her hair sparkled with sunlight and seemed to wave on its own off to the side. She seemed to have another bit of hair flowing behind her, though it looked to be coming from her backside. Her face was elongated like that of a horse and she had a horn sticking out of her forehead. She stepped gracefully in Thomas’ direction. Her expression was cold and her eyes held the weight of authority.

Then Tomas’ eyes fell on the black splotch on her exposed thigh which also held a crescent moon. In that instant Thomas realized where he was and who he was looking at.

Large wings spread behind her back to make her look more imposing as she spoke in a bellowing voice. “TELL US WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU ARE DOING HERE!”

For a moment, Thomas had almost forgotten his own name. “I don’t know,” he stuttered fearfully as his mind raced to make sense of the situation.

The purple woman regarded Thomas thoughtfully. Her horn, which he’d just now noticed had been glowing, slowly went dark as Thomas slid down to the floor in a sitting position. Though the guards kept their spears trained on him. “WE ASK AGAIN, WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?” Even though her voice was still booming, it seemed to have been muted slightly.

“Uh, my name is Thomas. And I don’t know what I’m doing here,” he insisted honestly.

The purple woman raised an eyebrow. “DOST THOUGH EXPECT US TO BELIEVE IT POSSIBLE TO CIRCUMVENT THE HEAVEST SECURITY IN THE LAND AND BREACH THE ROYAL BED CHAMBERS OF PRINCESS LUNA... ALL BY ACCIDENT?”

“Um…” Thomas hesitated. “Maybe?” It was clear that this was not the answer she was looking for. “Look I’m sorry, Princess. I honestly don’t know how I got here. One minute I was buying groceries and the next I’m here. I didn’t mean to slip by security or anything. The last thing I remember was this swirling black vortex and suddenly…”

“Black vortex?” Luna cut him off, now speaking in a relatively normal voice. She waved her hand and the guards retracted their spears and stood at attention. Even with their helmets down, it was clear they were giving Thomas a death glare. “Stand,” the purple woman commanded.

Thomas did so as quickly as he dared so as not to startle the men with spears. Once Thomas had stood to full height, he suddenly realized just how tall Luna was. She must have been at least 8 feet high, not counting the horn. She seemed to look down at Thomas from between her breasts, which he just realized were an exceptional size. He squirmed uncomfortably beneath the weight of her gaze.

“What are you?” Luna asked as she leaned in to get a better look.

Thomas did his best not to stare at her breasts. “I… I’m a human.”

Luna’s ears twitched as she tilted her head inquisitively. “Human?”

“Do you know what that is?” Thomas asked, trying to calm things down.

“We have only heard of such creatures in legend,” Luna explained. “There are stories that date back to before the formation of the Equestrian nation, but we have encountered no evidence that such creatures exist. So tell me, Thomas was it, how a creature of legend came to find himself in our bedroom?”

“Like I said, there was that weird vortex that sucked me in and suddenly I was here.” Thomas went into greater detail of what the vortex looked like.

Luna stroked her chin ponderously. “Your description reminds us of something Celestia had been working on with dear Starswirl: a portal to another universe.”

“A portal?” Thomas was surprised at first, but it made sense. Now that he was calming down, he realized that the woman standing before him was indeed the Princess from the show you had enjoyed for several years now. However, she was humanoid, an anthro, not a pony. Quick glances at the guards showed they were also antrhos. They had hooves in back, but they were gripping their spears with hands. While armor covered most of their bodies, their hips were bare, exposing their cutie marks for all to see. This may have been Equestria, but not the same one from the show.

“Yes. A portal,” Luna signaled her guards to lower stand down as she continued. “Our sister tells us that she and Starswirl created many such devices that linked to other worlds. However, they learned that sometimes tears can open randomly without a stable door. Such events actually happen quite often, but usually high in the sky or deep underground where nopony notices. It is rare for a portal to occur at ground level and even rarer for somepony to fall in.”

“What does that mean for me?” Thomas asked worriedly.

Luna folded her arms and spoke solemly. “It means that since we do not know where you came from, it is next to impossible to send you back.”

“Oh. I see,” Thomas lowered his head as realization dawned upon him. He couldn’t go home. He’d never see his family again. He was trapped.

Again Luna’s ear flicked at the sight of the young human looking so pitiful. She reached under his chin and lifted his face to meet hers. She smiled warmly. “Do not fret, young Thomas. We shall go to Celestia and see what we can gleam from the notes of dear Starswirl. In the meantime…” she paused to consider her next choice of words, “we shall take you into our care as one of our servants.”

Chapter 1: Three Months in Service

Chapter 1: One Month in Service

Thomas stirred in the bed as a soft hand gently nudged his shoulder. “Time to wake up, Thomas.” A feminine voice instructed sweetly. He opened his eyes and smiled up at the dark blue furred face of Princess Luna.

“Don’t wanna,” Thomas complained as he pulled the covers over his head to block out the offensive light of the setting sun. The maids who had opened the curtains to reveal that monstrosity giggled at his discomfort, but otherwise remained still while awaiting orders.

Luna frowned a moment. “DOST THOU DARE REFUSE AN ORDER FROM THINE PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT!?” She spoke in the royal Canterlot voice, practically blowing Thomas out of the bed.

Once his ears stopped ringing, Thomas looked up to get his bearings. Sitting beside him was the lovely, 8 foot alicorn Princess Luna. She was in her royal transparent sleeping gown which gave a generous view of her ample bosom. She smirked down at the young man as he pulled himself up. "Do you have to do that every time?" He asked.

"Only whenst thou refuses to awaken on command." Luna held her chin up high and extended a hand to look more authoritative. Though she only succeeded in making her bedfellow chuckle.

"You're worse than any alarm clock I've ever owned," Thomas complained with faux annoyance. Truth be told, there was no better way to wake up than lying beside the most gorgeous woman/pony in the entire world. His sleepy eyes lingered a bit on the Princess’ form. Even sitting she was still considerably taller than him. In fact, he was at eye level with her breasts, which suited him just fine. Her fur glistened beneath the final rays of sunlight which almost gave her the appearance of glowing. Even her bedhead was a sight to behold.

“Ya know, you kind of look like Maneiac from the comics when you wake up,” Thomas observed while gesturing to the fact that despite having a terrible case of bedhead, Luna’s sparkling mane still managed to flow behind her like a band of snakes.

"We shall take that as a compliment. Now get dressed. Today promises to be most eventful," Luna commanded.

"At once, my Princess," Thomas said half-heartedly.

It had been a month since Thomas had mysteriously appeared in Luna's chambers. After the initial awkwardness and the Princess’ claiming of him as one of her servants, she took him to Celestia to see if there was anything the sun Princess could do to help. Unfortunately, there was nothing she could do. As Luna theorized, a random tear in reality could not be tracked. And while there were stable portals in the castle’s basement, some of which leading to human worlds, none lead to the right one. Thomas was stranded in Equestria.

Thankfully, that was the end of the sad part. Princess Luna, sympathizing with Thomas’ feelings of loneliness, made him her personal attendant. He helped her dress, carried her bags when she went out shopping, served her tea during meetings, and on a few occasions washed her back while she bathed. The pair spent a lot of time talking and soon grew quite fond of one another. She said that it was easy for her to feel open with him and he returned the sentiment. Eventually, Luna decided the best way to reward Thomas’ friendship was with a promotion.

Life was pretty good as a royal concubine. The food was good since good health was crucial to your job performance. The boss was absolutely amazing and always attended ‘employee’s’ needs. The hours were a bit random since ‘the mood’ could strike Luna at any moment and Thomas was expected to be on constant standby, but the pay wasn’t anything to scoff at either. The only thing Thomas couldn’t really comment on were his coworkers, since he didn’t really have any.

It had only been a few months since Princess Luna had been freed from Nightmare Moon. In that time, Celestia had been working close with her sister to restore her house to proper order. The first matter of importance was Luna’s house guard, which filled out quite quickly thanks to a few brave volunteers. From there, various castle servants were reassigned to Luna’s wing of the castle as her personal staff. She had everything from maids, to private chefs, and even a cute unicorn mare for a secretary named Attentive Eye. Luna even got to pick out all their uniforms so everyone would be able to distinguish between them and Celestia’s staff.

But until Thomas came along; neither sister realized that they had both overlooked one of the Princess’ most important needs. It was a failure the young man was made most aware of every day as the Princess used his body to quench a lust that hadn’t been properly sated in a thousand years.

Regardless, Thomas now held the honorable position of Senior Concubine in Princess Luna’s royal harem; sort of like the head maid or Staff Sergeant. It turns out that prostitution was viewed as an honest profession and nothing to be ashamed of. Some ponies just had the talent; though this particular talent was among the more rare categories, not nearly as common as the various kinds of chefs, gardeners, builders, magicians, athletes, or other professions. However, how ponies figured out this was their special talent when most ponies got their cutie marks in grade school was suspiciously glossed over whenever the subject came up. All in all, apparently royal concubine was the aspiration of all those in Thomas’ profession. But despite these assurances, it still didn’t stop him from feeling embarrassed at his title.

Thomas’ uniform, which oddly he was required to wear at all hours except when actually working, was an indigo cloth loincloth emblazoned with Luna’s cutie mark on the front, and nothing else. According to Sun Dancer, Celestia’s Senior Concubine, the uniform was meant to show the world that everything within it was the property of the Princess.

As his peer, Thomas often went to Sun Dancer for advice. An older Pegasus mare, she’d been in service to Princess Celestia for over fifty years, yet amazingly her body looked like it was just pushing thirty. Apparently life as a royal concubine had other benefits in the long term. Her uniform was a white loincloth emblazoned with Celestia’s cutie mark on the front, and nothing else. Thomas hadn't gotten to know the rest of Celestia's concubines, but they were still polite. There were eighteen mares, seven stallions, a male and female diamond dog, a male minotaur, a female gryphon, and a few more members he’d never actually seen but was assured existed.

Chapter 2: Good Morning

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Chapter 3: A Day Off?

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Chapter 4: The Day Off Begins

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Chapter 5: Chow Hall

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Chapter 6: The Griffon's Story

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Chapter 7: Let's Go Shopping

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Chapter 8: The Hazards of Clothes Shopping

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Chapter 9: Pony Herds Are What?

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Chapter 10: Too Much Information

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Chapter 11: Sagely Advice

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Chapter 12: Presenting the Princess

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Chapter 13: Confessions and Punishments (Clop)

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Chapter 14: Is This a Date?

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Chapter 15: Breakfast With The Princesses

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Chapter 16: Daily Affairs

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Chapter 17: Restaurant Adventures

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Chapter 18: Lunch Date with Luna (Clop)

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Chapter 19: The Interview

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Chapter 20: Status in the Hierarchy

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Chapter 21: Trials at the Gym

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Chapter 22: To Kiss a Mare

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Chapter 23: Paying Dues

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Chapter 24: Magical Sex Beeper

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Chapter 25: Attendant's Role

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Chapter 26: Royal Massage

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Chapter 27: The Mare and the Wren

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Chapter 28: Returning Hobbies

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Chapter 29: The Magic of Preening

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Chapter 30: Recess is Fun (Clop)

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Chapter 31: Senior Concubine

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Chapter 32: Venture to Ponyville

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Chapter 33: Friends to Rely On

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Chapter 34: Treats and Terror

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Chapter 35: Flirting and Herding

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Chapter 36: Come One, Come All

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Chapter 37: Ursa Attack

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Chapter 38: Reviewing the Script

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Chapter 39: Sisterly Advice

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Chapter 40: Pony Shapes

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Chapter 41: Mares' Night

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Chapter 42: Place in the Herd

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Chapter 43: Shopping Spree

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Chapter 44: Hero’s Welcome

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Chapter 45: The First Real Threesome (Clop)

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Chapter 46: Alicorn of his Dreams

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Chapter 47: A New Day

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Chapter 48: Moonlight in the Morning

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Chapter 49: An Outing With the Herd

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Chapter 50: Thomas Saves Canterlot by Telling Princess Luna to Get in the Kitchen and Make Him a Sammich

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Chapter 51: His First Second

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Chapter 52: Story Time

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Chapter 53: A Male Griffon is Called a Cock (Clop)

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Chapter 54: A Book Worth Reading

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Chapter 55: Ever Present Shadow

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Chapter 56: Coincidences

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Chapter 57: An Informal Interview

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Chapter 58: The New Attendant

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Chapter 59: Getting Along

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Chapter 60: Role Play (Clop)

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Chapter 61: Meetings

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Chapter 62: Opening Up to New Possibilities

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Chapter 63: I Dream a Dream

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Chapter 64: Preparations for Nightmare Night

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Chapter 65: Nightmare Night Begins

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Chapter 66: The Nightmare Continues

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Chapter 67: Newfound Appreciation

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Chapter 68: Best Nightmare Night Ever

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Chapter 69: Zoo Day Fun Times

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Chapter 70: Last Minute First Date

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Chapter 71: Nuzzling Under the Moonlight

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Chapter 72: To Please Her Stallion (Clop)

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Chapter 73: Royal Judgment (Clop)

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Chapter 74: Confessions of Affection

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Chapter 75: Formally Courting

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Chapter 76: Are You Sure? (Clop)

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Chapter 77: Time to Tell the Truth

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Chapter 78: Cross Cultural Wooing

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Chapter 79: Doing it Right

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Chapter 80: Doing it Right Now (Clop)

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Chapter 81: How to Pass the Time

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Chapter 82: Her Mistress

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Chapter 83: Less Than a Goddess (Clop)

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Chapter 84: It’s a Herd Knock Life

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Chapter 85: Meet the Parents

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Chapter 86: Hearth’s Warming Shopping

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Chapter 87: Taking Responsibility

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Chapter 88: Let’s Get Those Presents

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Chapter 89: To Share a Dream

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Chapter 90: Happy Hearth’s Warming

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Chapter 91: Games Ponies Play in Private (Clop)

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Chapter 92: New Applicants Part 1

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Chapter 93: New Applicants Part 2

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Chapter 94: Two Applicants on their First Night

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Chapter 95: Establishing Routines

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Chapter 96: Ernest Lessons

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Chapter 97: Castle Exploration Adventure

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Chapter 98: Things We Do With Herds

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Chapter 99: Horn Care

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Chapter 100: Just Hangin’ Out

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Chapter 101: Checking in for a Checkup

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Chapter 102: Honey and Surprise

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Chapter 103: Ink Con

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Chapter 104: Ah Want ta Be With Her

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Chapter 105: Potluck

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Chapter 106: Work Gossip

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Chapter 107: Date Night Surprise

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Chapter 108: Date Night Honey

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Chapter 109: Date Night Surprise Aftermath (Clop)

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Chapter 110: Date Night 2 Surprise Boogaloo

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Chapter 111: Date Night 2 Honey Pot

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Chapter 112: Honey is Sweet (Clop)

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Chapter 113: A Private Party

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Chapter 114: An Extra Private Party (Clop)

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Chapter 115: Changing Places (Clop)

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Chapter 116: Ongoing Festivities (Clop)

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Chapter 117: Welcome to the Family (Clop)

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Chapter 118: Isn’t This my Job?

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Chapter 119: Going Out

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Chapter 120: Duels and Comics

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Chapter 121: Slumming in the Shelter

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Chapter 122: Flights of Evil

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Chapter 123: Walking in New Skin

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Chapter 124: Trying Farmwork

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Chapter 125: Thomas and Luna's Pool Time

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Chapter 126: Firestorm

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Chapter 127: Moonlight and Honey Traverse the Untraversable

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Chapter 128: Changing Up the Guard

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Chapter 129: Jet Black

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Chapter 130: Silver and Honey

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Chapter 131: A Night in the Museum

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Chapter 132: Reunited

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Chapter 133: Young Flyers’ Competition

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Chapter 134: Critics in the Box

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Chapter 135: A Running Show

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Chapter 136: Beating the Heat (Clop)

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Chapter 137: A Blistering Heat (Clop)

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Chapter 138: The Heat That Binds Us (Clop)

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Chapter 139: Fire Burns All

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Chapter 140: Fire Runs Wild (Clop)

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Chapter 141: Heat-Addled Mare Aftercare

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Chapter 142: Maybe They’re Not so Bad

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Chapter 143: Team Hug vs. Team Cute

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Chapter 144: Spats and Making Up

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Chapter 145: Problems on the Horizon

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Chapter 146: Off To School

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Chapter 147: Unorthodox Thinking

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Chapter 148: Chatting at College

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Chapter 149: An (Ordinary) Checkup

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Chapter 150: Distractions from Troubles

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Chapter 151: Oppression of the Formerly Tall (Clop)

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Chapter 152: Carin’ at the Grocery Store

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Chapter 153: Mares Shopping for Skirts

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Chapter 154: The Guard, the Human, and the Dream Walker

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Chapter 155: Balls and Treats

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Chapter 156: You’re Diagnosed with… Something

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Chapter 157: Just Smile like Normal

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Chapter 158: Presentations and Paparazzi

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Chapter 159: The Lab Accident

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Chapter 160: Explanations and Fetishes

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Chapter 161: Fantasizing with Tiny Humans

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Chapter 162: The First Tiny Human Games (Clop)

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Chapter 163: Tiny Human Games Continue (Clop)

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Chapter 164: Player Two Enters the Shrink Zone (Clop)

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Chapter 165: Hiding in Plain Sight

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Chapter 166: Other Ways to Play With Tinies

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Chapter 167: Playing Dolls from the Other End

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Chapter 168: Cuddled Against Her (Giant) Bosom

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Chapter 169: Scurrying Under Her Dress

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Chapter 170: Tiny Games Gauntlet (Clop)

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Chapter 171: The Ongoing Tiny Gauntlet (Clop)

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Chapter 172: Tiny Gauntlet’s Conclusion (Clop)

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Chapter 173: Back to Normal, Whatever That Is

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Chapter 174: TLC is Hard for Over-Thinkers

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Chapter 175: Hazardous Cuddles and New Ventures Ahead

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