No Way Back

It had to be early afternoon by the time Derpy and Gerald awoke drenched in sweat and panting in the close and sweltering confines of his sun baked tent.

Gasping, they fled the bed mat and crawled through the tent flap into the open, breathing deeply of the much cooler outside air.

“Whew!”, gasped Derpy, “I had no idea those things got so hot during the day!”

Gerald looked at her, smiled. Leaning over he kissed her nose. She closed her eyes, smiled sweetly, relishing the touch of that kiss.

“I did”, he grimaced, “and I definitely should have known better than to keep us in there like that for so long.”

Standing, she closed her eyes and breathed deeply of the forest air, relishing all the scents of wood, grass, flowers and wild herbs that she took in.

Rising, he stood beside her, gently touching her mane. She turned her head to look at him in adoration.

Just then something caught their eye. They turned to see Twilight Sparkle standing about thirty feet away from their tent, her eyes huge, her jaw hanging open.

Derpy and Gerald stared back at her in shocked surprise. Standing there only in his underwear, he quickly covered himself with his hands and blushed bright crimson in embarrassment.

“What’re you doing here?”, Gerald shouted, more loudly than he’d intended.

Startled by his shout, Twilight turned her head away, her own face blushing a deep crimson.

Derpy quickly kissed him on the cheek before turning to race off toward town, embarrassed by Twilight’s sudden appearance.

“I’ll... Um... See you after a while!”, she shouted to Gerald over her shoulder.

“Uhh”, said Twilight, still shocked, I, umm..”

Recovering from his shock and embarrassment he ducked into the tent, returned a moment later wrapped in a blanket then stepped out to ask Twilight why she was there.

Twilight approached him still blushing.

“Well...”, she started. She reached up to scratch an eyebrow. She made a face. Then, she turned to look at him with a sigh.

“I thought you’d like it if I invited you into town for a bite.”

“Oh”, he said blankly, then smiling, “that’s nice of you.”

“But I sure wasn’t expecting to see you with... Company.” she said, looking mildly embarrassed, again.

Gerald coughed, looked at the trees, said nothing.

“I thought you were out here alone”, she said, walking toward him now, her embarrassment fading.

“I was until Derpy came back last night”, he said.

“Came back?”, she asked.

“Yeah”, Gerald said, “I met Derpy out here yesterday afternoon.”

“Oh”, said Twilight, nodding, stepping closer.

“Whew!”, she exclaimed, stopping a short distance away.

Shutting her eyes tight she held a hoof to her wrinkling nose while waving the other in front of her face.

Raising his head Gerald sniffed the air to try to ascertain what she was talking about then, raising his arm, he sniffed his armpit. His own nose wrinkled up, his face contorted with disgust as he caught a whiff of the powerful stench of old sweat that wafted from him and filled the air around him, a stench that he’d previously been blissfully  unaware of.

“Sorry!”. he cringed, embarrassed.

“Oh, hey, don’t worry about it”, she said, taking a step back. “At least you had fun!”, she winked, a wicked grin sweeping across her face.

“It wasn’t like that!”, he said emphatically, “we didn’t do anything.”

“Oh?”, she said, looking very surprised.

“I’m not... I mean... It’s not...”, he stuttered, then, “I’ll tell you about it, some time.”

“Okay”, she shrugged, then, “So, how about it?”, she asked.

“About what?”, Gerald asked, momentary confused.

“Going to town for a bite”, she said.

“Oh, yeah!”, he said, brightening, then he smiled. “That’s awfully nice of you.”

“I think it’d be a good idea if you got out some soap, a change of clothes and hit the stream before we go”, she said, thoughtfully, then, “there’s one nearby. I can show you where it is.”

“Sounds good to me!”, he said, pleased, as he ducked into his tent and stepped out a moment later with a small, dirty gray-white  duffle. An elegant crown surrounded by graceful scrolls and ‘E.R.A.’ were carefully stenciled in black dye on both sides.

Twilight’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“Where’d you ever find an Equestria Royal Army duffle?”, she asked, then, “I’ve wanted one of those for... Oh, I don’t know... Forever!”

“I found it in a thrift shop in Canterlot”, Gerald said, smiling. She looked at it then at him with envy in her eyes.

“Wow, you got lucky!”, she said, enviously, “those are really hard to find!” Then, “If you find another one like that would you get it for me?”, she asked with a hopeful expression, “I’ll pay you anything you want for it.”

“You’re a princess”, he said, sounding a bit confused, “why not just get one from... Oh, I don’t know... One of your Generals?  But I’m sure you could.”

“I’m not allowed to do that”, she said, her face saddening, her ears drooping a little. “It’s against protocols.”

“I see”, said Gerald, scratching his chin.

“I’ll tell you what; if I find another one like this I’ll buy it and just give it to you.”, he said.

“You’d do that?”, she asked, looking both surprised and delighted.

“Anything for my oldest and best friend in all of Equestria”, he said with a smile.

“Thank you!”, she squealed happily, leaping up on her hind legs to give him a quick, tight, happy hug.

Her eyes snapping wide open, her nose wrinkling up in disgust, she instantly regretted her impulsiveness as she backed off, grimacing, waving a forehoof in front of her face, again.

“Let’s get you to that stream”, she said, as she turned and trotted off, leading the way. Gerald followed close behind.

A moment later they were standing on the bank of a tree shaded stream, its bubbling waters dancing and sparking with flashes of reflected sunlight.

“Ooh, nice!”, Gerald smiled, pleased, “I had no idea this was here. Thanks for showing me.”

“You’re welcome”, said Twilight, as she settled down on the bank, crossing her forehooves in front of her and resting her chin on them.

With his back to her Gerald stepped up to the water and started to drop his blanket, caught himself.

Looking back over his shoulder, he caught Twilight eyeing him, her eyes curious. She had a rather hungry look on her face.

That was surprising for Gerald as he’d never seen her look at him like that, before. Or, maybe she had but he just hadn’t noticed? Many things seemed different since Derpy had revealed those new things to him the previous day.

“Uh! Uh! Uh!”, he said, smirking in mock sternness as he raised a finger and made circular motions in the air, “I think you’ve already seen enough of me for one day!”

“Oh, poo!”. she pouted as she rose, turned her back and settled down, again, “be that way!”

Twilight wasn’t serious, she was just being playful. Still, they always exercised a level of modesty, more out of mutual respect than from any prudishness.

Satisfied she couldn’t see him Gerald dropped the blanket on the bank of the stream, took off his underwear, all the while sneaking a few glances of his own at her. He couldn’t help but notice the exquisite lines of her exceptionally beautiful flanks and rump. He caught himself staring.

Yes, he’d looked at Twilight before, admired the grace and beauty of the lines of her form but, somehow, this felt different. Was it him? Was it because of his new view of Equusians in general? He shrugged it off.

“No fair!”, she whined over her shoulder. Then, “I can tell you’re staring at my ass!”

Gerald’s  eyebrows shot up in surprise at her use of the vulgar word, something he hardly ever heard her say.

He gasped in mock reproach, “Such inappropriate language from a Princess!” Catching his tone she giggled.

Quickly and before he could cover himself, she shot a quick glimpse at him over her shoulder, that wicked smirk spreading over her face again, more obvious this time.

“Hey!”, he snapped, surprised, quickly covering himself with his hands and staring at her. She raised an eyebrow at him.

“You got to see my bare ass”, she said in a smug, amused tone before turning her head away and giving it a haughty shake, “it’s only fair I get to see more of yours!”

“Yeah, well, I get to see your bare ass every day since you don’t wear clothes”, he teased, chuckling.

“That just makes it way more unfair!”, she teased back, “at least give me a chance to catch up!” She shot him another quick glance over her shoulder, giving him another lecherous smirk, wiggling her eyebrows at him.

Seeing her expression and those wiggling eyebrows, Gerald burst out in peals of laughter. A moment later she was laughing along with him.

Washed, dried and fully dressed now, Gerald stood before her and struck a pose. With hands on hips, his feet spread apart, he looked off at the horizon, a heroic, noble expression on his face.

“Very dashing!”, she giggled. Then, with honest admiration, she eyed him up and down, taking in his full splendor with a twinkle in her eye and a lick of her lips. “Yummy!”, she cooed.

Gerald was now wearing an off white cotton work shirt, three  buttons open at the top, a pair of olive green cargo pants that sported multiple pouches and pockets. A thin, black leather belt ran through the belt loops, the pant cuffs just covered the tops of heavy, brown leather hiking boots.

His head was topped by a tall crowned, broad brimmed dark brown beaver felt fedora, a shock of his  brown hair hanging down from under the front of the brim.

“Yes, most dashing, indeed!”, Twilight smiled, as they headed off toward town.

”You better not let Rainbow Dash see you dressed like that”. She said, amused.

“Why’s that?”, Gerald asked, then, “Oh!”, as he remembered Dash’s deep fondness for Daring Do adventure stories and how, even now, he was dressed in the same dashing but practical and rugged manner as that of the fictional character.

“Yeah”, she grinned, catching his realization. “Seeing you dressed like that she’s liable to lose her mind in a rush of lust and rape you right on the sidewalk!” She giggled. Gerald winced at the thought then laughed.

“Wait!”, he said, remembering some things.

“What?”, she asked.

“Is it okay if we return to my camp?”, he asked, then, “I’d like to get a few things before we go.”

“Um, okay, sure”, she said, as they turned and headed back toward his tent.

“So, what did you want to get?”, she asked, innocently curious, as they walked.

“I was surprised that none of the restaurants in town have salt”, he said. “You’d think they’d have tons of it considering how much ponies... Er... Equestrians... Equusians... love it.”

After the revelations of these most recent days Gerald wasn’t quite sure what to call these creatures, anymore. Ponies? Equestrians? Equusians? He’d figure it out.

“Ooh, good idea!”, she said with a bright smile, licking her lips. Then, “Wait, where’d you hear the name Equusians?”

“One of the Crusaders told me when Derpy and I ran into them, yesterday”, he said.

“Cherilee must be teaching that, again”, she said, then, “it’s the name we used for ourselves a very long time ago, even before Celestia became ruler. In fact, if I remember my history correctly, it goes back to a time before her parents ruled. It fell out of favor when we all started calling ourselves Ponies about five hundred years ago.”

“Oh”, said Gerald, considering Twilight’s impromptu history lesson.

Back at the camp Gerald grabbed a leather bag and slung the strap over his head, settling it comfortably on his side. Reaching into the bag he took out a large hunting knife with a blade about eighteen inches long.

It was more of a short sword than a knife, really. He looked at it before lifting his pant leg and slipped it into a holster strapped to his leg then covering it with his pant leg.

Twilight first stared at where he’d stashed the knife, then at him.

“What in Equestria do you need that for?”, she asked, referring to the knife. She wasn’t surprised that he’d have a knife like that since having such a thing out here seemed practical to her.

“Probably nothing”, he shrugged. “I just feel better having it.”

A moment later they headed off and soon reached the road to town.

“Um... Sorry again about this morning”, said Twilight, a blush touching her cheeks as she recalled the memory.

“Hey, no problem”, he shrugged, smiling. “Like you said, you didn’t know I had company.”

After that they walked in silence for some time. No, it was not the kind of awkward silence that falls when the mind goes blank and nothing can be thought of to say.

Rather, it was that kind of quiet, peaceful silence that some close friends share;  that easy, comfortable silence that falls when such friends, knowing each other well, are perfectly content to simply be in each other’s company, knowing that nothing need be said.

They were a little more than half way back to Ponyville when Twilight broke that silence.

“So... Derpy, huh?”, she asked, glancing up at Gerald. He couldn’t quite read her expression.

He winced at the memory of poor Derpy’s mortified embarrassment earlier that morning. He’d have to find her and apologize for that.

“Yeah”, he said, a soft smile touching his lips, his mood changing.

“That surprises me”, she said. Gerald looked at her, raising an eyebrow.

“You always gave me the impression that you have a soft spot for intelligent ponies”, she said, “I always thought she was... Slow.”

Gerald shot her a mildly offended look.

“What?”, she asked, as they walked on.

“Have you spent much time with her?”

“Well...”, she said, sounding a little embarrassed, “not really”, then, “I mean, she was always so stand-offish. It was almost as if she didn’t want to talk to any of us. I always found that off-putting so, no, I never talked to her much.”

“Your loss”, he grinned. It was her turn to shoot him a surprised look. “What do you mean?”, she asked.

“Okay, granted”, he said, “she’s no math genius but she is intelligent, articulate, even poetic in her own way, not to mention very passionate!” He smiled as he thought about the recent experiences Derpy and he had shared.

Twilight stopped to look at him. She blinked, her expression blank. Gerald stopped with her, turned to look at her directly.

“It’s not like you to read a book by a cover, dear”, he said.

Her ears fell, she dropped her head as she abashedly realized what she’d done. “Sorry”, she said.

“Don’t worry about it”, he said cheerfully, “we all do that, sometimes. I’ve done it, myself.” Then, “I feel the need to admit something to you.”

Twilight looked up at Gerald but said nothing. Seeing her look he continued.

“Back when we first met my first impression of you was that  you were a dorky, awkward, nerd of a book worm who, being so obsessed with her various interests, would bore me to death with an endless verbal barrage of facts, figures, diagrams and statistics.”

Her eyes widened as she looked up at Gerald with notable surprise.

“Hold on!”, he said, raising his hand and smiling reassuringly.

“Back then”, he continued, “I didn’t know that you’re a bright, vibrant, sparkling, warm and compassionate little filly who’d end up becoming my best friend.”

She blushed, smiled.

“Thanks!”, she said, rather shyly.

They walked on for a while saying nothing. Then she looked up at him, started to say something, hesitated.

“What is it?”, he asked.

“I would have, you know...”, she said, softly, her words trailing off.

“Would’ve what?”, he asked.

“Been your lover.” She said it quietly, almost in a whisper. Gerald had to strain to hear it.

“That is”, she continued, “If I hadn’t been totally terrified by even the very thought of... Sex.” Her ears fell, her head drooped.

Gerald’s eyebrows shot up as he looked at her. This was new! Twi had never broached the subject of sex with him, before. He wondered why she’d brought it up.

Vivid images filled Gerald’s mind; images of him and twilight locked in a mad, passionate embrace. He found the thoughts made him feel very uncomfortable and pushed them immediately from his mind. Yes, Gerald loved Twilight but as a sister, nothing else.

“You’re just a grab bag of surprises, today!”, he said, “But, that’s one of the things I love about you”, he smiled.

She lifted her head, looked at him and smiled back. “Thanks”, she said.

“So!”, he coughed, clearing his throat, not sure he was entirely comfortable with discussing such a deeply personal subject with Twilight but it was obvious to him that she felt a strong need to discuss it, otherwise she wouldn’t have brought it up.

“Terrified?”, he asked.

“Maybe that’s not the right interpretation”, she said, as they walked on, “but that’s what it feels like to me.”

“Hmm!”, he said, thoughtfully.

“It drives me crazy!”, she suddenly blurted out. He stared at her for a moment, surprised by her outburst. She looked at him mildly embarrassed, then, “Can we sit down for a minute?”

He nodded and they moved off to the side of the road and sat down in a soft, grassy spot beneath the shade of a large tree. Twilight sat down facing him.

“So, what’s this all about?”, he asked.

She was thoughtful for a moment.

“First, you have to promise you’ll never say a word of this to anyone else!”, she said, her expression deadly serious.

“What you say to me stays with me. You know that”, he said as reassuringly as he could.

“Okay, First”, she said a little nervously, “do you think I’m cute?” Her question surprised him.

“Uh, twilight”, said Gerald, a trace of nervousness in his voice, “Before I answer that question I have to tell you something.”

“Okay”, she said, not sure what to expect.

“Okay, look”, he continued, “You know I love you but, just to be clear, I love you like a sister. You’re like my little sister, Twi.”

“Oh, I know that!”, she said with a dismissive wave of her hoof but smiling nonetheless.

“So, what was that, earlier? When you said thought you would’ve been my lover?”, he asked confused.

“Oh, well... That was just... Nevermind”, she said, nonplused, then, “I do have fantasies sometimes, you know. Or, I did.”

“About me?”, Gerald asked, his eyebrows shooting up.

“Well...”, she said. It was almost a whisper. She blushed brightly, looked away.

“It was a long time ago”, she blurted out, looking into his face. Then, more quietly, “It was back when we were first getting to know each other. I thought you were just the greatest. I got a crush on you, a really big one.”

“You hid it well”, he said.

“I gave myself no choice”, she said.

“What do you mean?”, he asked.

“Okay”, she sighed, before pressing on, then, “I’ll assume you’re like my other friends and that you think I love to spend all my time studying, right?”

“Well, I’d always assumed studying and learning was one of your great loves”, he shrugged.

“No!”, she exclaimed, looking disconcerted, “It isn’t! Well, not all the time...” She lowered her head as her words trailed off. I looked at her, puzzled.

“I do it to keep my mind off of... Things!”, she said. Biting her lip she looked down, then looked at him, scanning his face to see if he was catching the drift of what she was trying to tell him.

Gerald waited patiently for her to continue. Seeing his expression she did.

“When I was younger”, she said, “I, um... I discovered sex.” She paused for a moment. “There were times when I’d stay in my room all day and.... You know! With myself...” She blushed with embarrassment and looked away.

“Yeah, I get it”, he nodded.

“Sometimes ten times a day!”, she blurted out, cringing, horrified at the memory.

“I mean, it was great at first”, she said, collecting herself, “Wonderful, in fact! I’d never felt anything so wonderful in my life and I just wanted more and more!”

“Yeah, I’ve known people who admitted things like that to me”, he nodded in understanding.

She stared at him, her mouth dropping open. “You have?”, she said.  She was quite surprised.

“I think a lot of people have been there”, he said. Her eyes widened as Gerald’s revelation hit home to her.

“I... I thought I was the only one!”, she said, astonished.

“Nope!”, he said, “not by a long shot, I’m sure.”

She paused for a moment, thinking about that.

“Anyway”, she continued, “Like I said, I thought it was great but it didn’t take me long to realize that I was losing control, that this... Thing... This beast in me was taking control of me and my life! It felt like I was possessed!”

Gerald was surprised but said nothing, not wanting to interrupt her. Still, even as well as he thought he knew her, he could never have imagined her experiencing a sexual addiction.

“I... I even did it secretly in public a couple of times!”, she admitted, cringing, honestly ashamed at the memory of what she’d done. “I just couldn’t control myself.”

Again he nodded and remained silent. She looked at him then continued.

“Finally I got really scared because of what was happening to me so I made the decision to just stop. That was a real struggle because my body screamed at me all day every day. I was so tempted all the time! I just wanted to give in to it, to surrender, but I knew where that would get me so I just kept abstaining.”

She was trembling now, her face a mask of shame as she struggled to tell him about this.

“You must think I’m some kind of awful slut, now”, she said, quietly, looking at the ground, her lip quivering. She looked like she was on the verge of tears.

“No, I could never think that about you, Twi”, Gerald smiled reassuringly. He reached out, stroked her mane. She closed her eyes, leaned into his touch and sighed. Visibly relieved, she opened her eyes and looked at him with an expression of warm gratitude.

“Thanks”, she said, quietly, then looked at him again, her face growing intent.

“Well”, she said, “it was about that time that I started throwing myself full into studies. All kinds of studies of all kinds of things. Not so much because I loved doing that but because it was the most effective way I’d found for me to rein in that beast in me and keep it under control.”

“And, because of your... Beast” he said, “you’re terrified of ever having any kind of sexual experience because you’re worried that, if you do, it’ll unleash the beast in you and you’ll lose control, again.”

“Yeah, exactly!”, she said, both surprised and pleased that he understood.

Moving close to him she rose on her haunches and, wrapping her forelegs around him, hugging him tightly.

“Thanks for listening to me and not judging, Gerald”, she sighed, deeply grateful.

“Hey, you’re my best friend in the whole world”, he smiled as she let go of him. He rose to his feet, smiling at her.

“I’ve never told anyone that, before”, she said. She now looked as if an enormous weight had been lifted off her shoulders, then, “I’ve needed to tell someone, to talk about that for a long time”, she said, smiling, “I’m glad I told you.”

“I’m honored!”, he beamed, pleased.

“Pity I didn’t have the courage to let you know how I felt back then, though”, she said.

“Oh, and to answer your earlier question”, he said, “No, I don’t think you’re cute.”

“No?”, she pouted.

“I think you’re drop-dead gorgeous!”, he smiled.

“Drop-dead gorgeous!”, she said with a beaming smile, “Really?”

“Yep!”, he said, then, “So, are you ready to head into town?”, he asked.

“Yeah”, she said, rising and standing beside Gerald, looking up at him still grateful.

“Then leave us went!”, he said jokingly with a bow and a flourish of his hand. She giggled, amused, as they continued on.

Again they fell into that comfortable silence and Gerald, letting his mind wander, began to daydream as they walked. Various images of he and Derpy together filled his mind. His fantasies weren’t necessarily erotic but, for him, they were certainly pleasant and, after a while, he found himself longing to be with her, again.

They’d walked most of the way to town when Twilight froze in her tracks, stood staring blankly for a moment. Then she snapped her eyes shut. She groaned, shuddered violently then  grimaced.

Gerald, pulled from his daydreams,  stared at her.

“Are you okay?”, he asked, concerned.

“Yeah, yeah”, she said with a shake of her head. She opened her eyes, looked at him with a puzzled expression.

“What was that?”, she asked to no one in particular. Whatever had just happened she was disturbed by it.

“What’s wrong?”, he asked, concerned.

“I... I felt something”, she said, trying to wrap her mind around it, “Like a wave of... Something... passing through me. It was almost... Overwhelming!”

He looked at her with raised eyebrows. “Do you have any idea what it was or where it came from?”, he asked. She shook her head.

“No”, she said, “but I can tell you I’ve never felt anything like that before. At first I thought it was a wave of some kind of magic but then... It just didn’t feel like any kind of magic I’d ever sensed, before!” She took a moment to collect herself then shut her eyes tight, shuddered again.

“Whatever that was”, she said, “I hope I never feel it, again! That was creepy!”

“Are you going to be okay?”, asked Gerald.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be fine”, she said. Her mood suddenly changed.

“Now, come on!”, she smiled, “lunch is waiting for us.”

And, with that, they continued on toward town.