Journey to the Center of Discord

by lunabrony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Discord, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3878

When Discord comes down with a dangerous strain of magical flu, the entire town becomes Ground Zero. And the only way to cure him... is from the inside.

When Discord comes down with a dangerous strain of magical flu, the entire town becomes Ground Zero. And the only way to cure him... is from the inside.

This might be the last chapter story I write as I'll probably only do one-shots after this, so, hope you like it.

Published 2015-05-28 20:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-02 18:25:50 UTC

1 - Called To Action

The usual games and merriment that typically went around when the girls were not on a mission or accidentally causing some comedic misunderstanding were underway, although to a lesser capacity than usual. It was early evening, and all of them had completed their associated chores and tasks for the day. Rainbow Dash had fallen asleep on Rarity's shoulder, but was pushed away with disgust when she started snoring and drooling.

Pinkie was attempting to build a house of playing cards, and had somehow managed to create not just a house but a sprawling mansion of impossible proportions, while Applejack looked on with confusion. "How in the hay did you do that with only 52 cards? That there tower is fancier than a rattler with a monocle," she said. Pinkie only had one deck, and there were was at least a hundred cards and counting in the monstrosity.

"I dunno," Pinkie said, and pulled another card from the seemingly endless deck. "What's that mean, anyway?"

"It's a colloquialism," Applejack said. "They don't always make sense."

"You know you can't just throw random words together and call it a colloquialism," Rarity countered.

Further banter was prevented by the sudden lighting up of The Map, and all attention was immediately drawn to it.

"We're being summoned!" Twilight exclaimed suddenly, as the formerly smooth and polished table suddenly blazed to life with a scaled down replica of Equestria. All the ponies and one dragon crowded around it, eager to see what far off, exotic lands they'd be drawn to next. The map twinkled and twirled, then slowly began zooming in on one area, fixating around Canterlot and Ponyville.

"A trip to Canterlot!" Rarity exclaimed dreamily, eager to have any excuse to go there.

The map zoomed in farther.

"No... it's...Ponyville?" Twilight sounded confused now.

The map zoomed in again. Fixating entirely and completely on Fluttershy's Cottage.

"Aw, what?" Rainbow Dash sounded disappointed. Understandably so, that wasn't far off OR exotic.

"Is my house being bad?" Fluttershy squeaked. "I'm sorry..."

The next step, following the reveal of the destination, was the actually summoning of the contestants, as if the map worked like some sort of ridiculously unfortunate game show. All of the mares looked at their flanks both out of habit and expectation, and a few were not disappointed. There were three symbols swirling around Fluttershy's Cottage on the map, a set of three apples, a set of three balloons, and a flaming green scroll.

"Tingly!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed cheerfully.

Applejack was not particularly enthused at the idea of going off somewhere with Pinkie Pie, but knew better than to fight the power of The Map. "Well ah guess that settles that," she said. "But what's that third one? Ah ain't never seen it before." She realized the significance on her own, however, practically before the words had finished leaving her mouth. She turned her head, and looked directly where the other five mares were already looking.

"Alright!" Spike grinned, and fistpumped, jumping up on his chair. "Finally, I get to do something! How's it feel to be the one left behind, Twilight?"

Twilight glared at him.

"I mean... uh... aw, that's too bad..." He turned red, embarrassed by his outburst, and took his seat again. "I'll fill you in with regular journal entries, of course."

Twilight just sighed. "Alright, well, as unusual as this situation seems to be, The Map has spoken. The three of you go over to Fluttershy's house and see what's going on. Fluttershy, you go to, of course, but just sort of hang back and watch, alright?"

Fluttershy sighed. "It's Junior High softball all over again."

The quartet left Twilight's Castle and began the winding path that led up to Fluttershy's cottage. Before they even reached it, they noticed unusual occurances in the surrounding area. Trees which were, of course, supposed to be green and full of leaves were bare and dead, their trunks black and rotten. The perfectly manicured lawns surrounding the area were dense and overgrown with ivy and weeds, and several houses had been turned completely upside down, their slanted roofs digging into the ground while the floors reached towards the sky, pipes and support beams visible under the upturned bottoms of the buildings.

As they got to the front door of the cottage, the door swung open and a two headed sheep bolted out of it, bleating stupidly while its hooves clacked on the stone pathways. Fluttershy squeaked in fright. "That's Angora! But she's not supposed to have two heads... Angora, wait! Wait!" She ran after the sheep, intending to catch it and calm it down, and they both disappeared around the side of the house.

Spike was sitting comfortably on Pinkie's back, so it was Pinkie and Applejack who exchanged a glance before entering into the Cottage proper. Discord stood inside, dressed in a bathrobe with a thermometer sticking out of his mouth.

"Well, can't say Ah'm surprised," Applejack deadpanned.

Discord turned to look at them, his eyes dull and bloodshot. "Girls! Thank Celestia you're here. I have an enormous problem."

"No kidding," Spike said.

"Oh, it's not what you think! I seem to have come down with a rather severe case of Magikitis."

"Who the what now?"

"Magikitis, it's a very rare ailment only caught by magic users, and draconequui are especially prone to it. I'm afraid that I've gone and lost all control of my magic, which is, as you must understand, a dangerous side effect." He drew back his head and erupted a violent sneeze that suddenly caused a brutally ugly tentacle to rise up from the ground outside, snapping a petal-shaped mouth full of teeth.

"I've read enough manga to know where this is going," Spike said dryly. Pinkie snorted with amusement.

"That's terrible, Spike."

"Can we focus?!" Applejack cried.

"Yes, well," Discord continued. "I'm afraid I've gone and caught Magikitis, as I've said." He sighed. "And the only way to cure it is for you to go inside me, and-"

"Discord!" Pinkie scolded. "This is a PG fanfiction, mister!"

"Go inside me," Discord continued, ignoring her, "Find the virus, and eliminate it. I know it's a lot to ask, but you two are the craziest," he looked at Pinkie, "strongest," he looked at Applejack, "bravest," he looked at Spike, friends I have. Will you help me?"

Applejack sighed again. "Well, it don't sound like we got much of a choice, and Ah don't fancy seein' mah home destroyed, so yeah, Ah'll help."

"Me too!" Spike agreed.

"Me four!" Pinkie chimed. "No wait... three! Me three!"

"Excellent!" Discord sounded relieved. "The virus usually resides in the tail, so if you can find your way down that far, you stand a good chance of exterminating it. Just make your way down, and you shouldn't have much problem. I don't have much control left over my magic, so we really only have one shot at this."

He took a deep breath, and spread open his arms like he was making a sacrificial offering. A heavy and inescapable wind began to blow through poor Fluttershy's cottage, only adding to the already significant mess. A mini-tornado, of all things, the base of the funnel spiraling out of his antlers while the wide opening thrashed wildly through the room. It picked up both ponies and the dragon with little effort, all three of whom were terrified and hugging each other tightly.

The tornado swept in all three of them, miniaturizing the trio at the same time as it drew them in, pulling them into the hollow tunnels of his antlers as neatly as milk through a straw. Discord shuddered once, and sneezed again, turning the lovely paintings hung around the walls into identical pictures of Twilight with her nose stuck in a book.

"I really hope this works," Discord sighed.

Pinkie landed first on a soft, spongy material that covered the ground. Applejack landed on top of her, and Spike fell straight into Pinkie's mane and disappeared as neatly as a manhole in an old silent film. He pulled himself out of her mane, covered in sticky candy and gasping. "I've seen some things, man," Spike whispered.

"We must be in the brain," Applejack whispered, marveling. The ground below was bright pink and covered in zig-zagging indentations that didn't seem to have any set or consistent pattern. It was from these indentations that occasional arcs of bright blue lightning were shooting from the ground.

"I'm gonna say we should try not to get hit by those," Spike observed.

"Good idea, Spike!" Pinkie agreed. "Now the next idea... how do we get down?"

2- Going Down

Pinkie, Applejack and Spike stood at the curving edge of the electrified brain and stared down into a black abyss, a yawning canyon that seemed to stretch downwards into eternity. It seemed to be the only way to go, and yet there was no clearly identifiable way of actually getting down there. Looking up instead revealed an equally impossible ascent, although the view was somewhat stranger. The sky was bright red instead of blue, and solid white discs floated in the sky at random arrangements. Some traveled alone, others in small groups.

"Ooooooh!" Pinkie exclaimed, looking up. "Lifesavers! And they look like the minty ones!"

Applejack followed her gaze, frowning. "Ah don't think those are lifesavers, sugarcube," she said slowly. "Ah don't have much knowledge of inner workings, but Ah'd wager those be white blood cells. At least, that's what they look like if mah old science books were any indication. Never seen em that big, though. They're creepier than a-"

"Don't even start with that," Pinkie said. "We did that already." She raised a hoof to her eyes, and then pointed it at the country pony, making a sort of 'I'm watching you' gesture. "Nopony likes a stereotype, AJ."

"But we're standing on the brain," Spike said, confused. "Miniaturized, but not microscopic. That doesn't make any sense. White blood cells would be way smaller. That's like if we were regular sized but still able to see the molecular structure of common objects."

Both of the mares stared at him. "You need to get out more," Pinkie chimed. "You're turning into an egghead."

"We're standing inside an organism composed of chaos energy," Applejack countered. "Ah don't expect nothin' to make sense in here. Quite frankly, Ah'm surprised things look as normal as they do."

This conversation may have continued, but was disrupted by a sudden trembling in the ground, and a jolt so violent that it knocked all three of them onto their backs.

"What was that?!" Spike exclaimed.

Outside, Discord had been overcome by a fit of coughing. This was followed by a violent sneeze, the force of which caused several topiary horses outside the cottage to suddenly spring to life. The shrubbery equines whinnied loudly and pawed at the air with their front legs, before dropping to all fours and running off towards town, green leaves spiraling randomly outward from their bodies in a trail of debris.

Fluttershy had managed to get Angora, her sheep, back in its pen, with quite a bit of trouble. As mentioned, the sheep had sprouted a second head, and if that wasn't enough to ruin anyone's day, the second head was arguing in an obnoxiously cocky fashion. And it was here that she noticed something that was incredibly worrying.

A large invisible cone of sorts had surrounded the cottage in what appeared to be a perfect circle. She knew this only because there was a perfectly circular zone of black sky around her home. Within this darkness there was no moon, no stars, only a complete and terrifying void.

"Oh, that's not good," Fluttershy whispered to herself.

Continuing to stare at it, she would notice that the circle was actually expanding, and as its zone of influence expanded, it was doing seemingly random things to the world within it. Blue sky was turning black as it entered into the circle, and down below, perfectly healthy green grass was turning all sorts of various shades of color, sprouting various tentacled abominations, or just turning black and withering entirely. If gone unchecked, this chaotic corruption would eventually overtake the town itself.

"Oh, that's worse!" Fluttershy whimpered

But the sheep seemed safe for now aside from having two heads, so she returned inside just in time to see Discord sneezing violently.

"Oh," she said quietly. "You poor thing, come on, lets get you some warm tea." She hurried into the kitchen, and Discord followed. Now, in his dazed and influenzic state, he temporarily forgot that giant antlers were growing out of his head. It happens to the best of us, naturally. As he followed the pegasus into the kitchen, his antlers caught over the doorway, rocking his head backwards and causing his legs to buckle. He went down with a resounding crash, a fall which would have been funny in other circumstances, and clanging his head on the floor with a dreadful thunk.

Fluttershy turned at once, spotting her friend in a dazed sitting position, and her eyes flew open. She squeaked. "Oh! Are you alright? Wait right there!" She disappeared into the kitchen, and returned with an ice pack. She attempted to put this on his head, but he squirmed away.

"Fluttershy, I really don't think that's a good-" he began.

"Nonsense. Ice pack. Now," she said firmly. "That's going to swell."

"But-"

He recieved such an unyielding dose of The Stare that he took the ice pack with hesitation, and placed the ice pack on his head. "I'm not the one I'm worried about," he said slowly.

Back inside, the trio were still looking up at the white blood cell clouds, oblivious to the goings on outside, when the ground began to tremble and there was a distant roaring, rumbling sound that seemed to be getting louder by the second.

"Well that doesn't sound good," Spike said, and all three of them slowly turned around, feeling like they were caught in someone else's nightmare.

Behind them, a massive, rumbling wall of ice and snow was rushing towards them at a frighteningly deadly speed, roaring down upon them with unrelenting force. The electric fire of the brain was rapidly disappearing beneath the white sheet, and they all realized at approximately the same time that they were standing at the edge of the brain with nowhere to go.

"Is... that..." Applejack began.

"Brain freeze!" Pinkie said cheerfully, not sounding at all worried about being seconds away from plummeting to her probable death.

"That's not how this works!" Spike cried, exasperated. "That's not how any of this works!"

"Hon," Applejack said. "Ah know living with Twilight means yer probably not open to laws of science being broken, but ain't nothing going to work right in here." She made a mental note of gratitude that Twilight had not been called to this particularly odd adventure, as the mare was fairly set in her ways and she did not like being told otherwise.

"Jackie!" Pinkie cried, pointing up towards the blood red sky. "Can you lasso one of those lifesavers?"

"Ah already toldja, they ain't..." she blinked. "Never mind. Yeah, Ah think so." She pulled her emergency rope from where it usually held back her ponytail, and Spike had to swallow hard and keep himself from staring as her golden hair tumbled down freely across her neck and shoulders. She clamped down on it, whirling the rope above her head, and swung it. Missed. She grumbled, swung again, and this time latched the loop around one of the white blood cells that acted as an alien cloud. She gave a sharp yank, and pulled it down.

"Get on!" Pinkie cried.

"What-" Applejack began. The avalanche of snow and death was almost upon them now, and its roar was deafening.

"GET ON." Pinkie screamed, and yanked the both of them onto what did, to be fair, look very much like a giant lifesaver. The two of them looked at Spike, who was still staring at Applejack with a surprisingly dreamy look on his face.

"Spike?" Applejack waved his hoof in front of his face. He couldn't recall ever seeing her with her hair down before, and she was surprisingly lovely. She gave an impatient grunt and grabbed him forcefully, wrenching him out of his daze and yanking him onto the contraption.

The tumbling cascade of snow picked them up only seconds later, and carried all three of them down into the dark, mysterious abyss.

Spike screamed.

Applejack screamed.

Pinkie laughed. "Wheeeeee!"

3 - Swept Away

The three of them fell into the complete blackness, with absolutely no indication or warning about what may lie at the bottom. At least two of the three were fairly certain that they were going to die in here, the third member of the party was blissfully ignorant and had decided on just letting whatever might happen to happen. Que Sera Sera, in other words.

Outside of all this, Fluttershy remained on call without hesitation or cessation. She had put Discord to bed, although the latter had struggled and protested quite fiercely. It was the middle of the day, after all, and he had things he wanted to do and chaos he wanted to perform, but Fluttershy wasn't having any of it.

"Your magic is out of control as it is," she huffed. "You're not doing any spells until we get you all sorted out. Now you're going to stay in bed, and I'm going to bring you soup, and I don't want to hear any more about it."

"But-" Discord began.

Fluttershy Stared at him so fiercely that he shrank back under the blankets again. "Yes ma'am." Any further complaints that he may have been working up were shut down entirely, and he closed his eyes to fall back into a light, uneasy sleep as Fluttershy continued preparations on various soups and salads for her guest as well as for her animals.

And on the outskirt borders of Ponyville, the ever expanding zone of instability continued to expand. It had begun to overtake its very first home, turning the furniture to rubber and the house itself to molded plastic. The house itself was becoming smaller and smaller, and its confused and frightened inhabitants had to evacuate when it became evident that they would soon be trapped inside. They could only watch with fright and sadness as their home cast them out, becoming no larger than that of one built for a child's toy.

The expanding zone of destruction would begin its ruination of Ponyville proper in a matter of minutes, and there was no telling what consequences its influence would have. Whatever it did, it wouldn't be good.

Last of all, now that we're caught up on the goings on back in the real world, we return to the plummeting peril of our trio of heroes. It was only after what seemed like an eternity of falling, but was in fact a few minutes, that Spike suddenly spoke up with his voice full of fearful optimism. "Look!"

Pinkie and Applejack looked, and saw that they were in fact heading straight for a rapidly churning, whitewater stream.

"Sweet Celestia, we're going in hard!" Applejack called. "Everyone hold your breath!"

There was a simultaneous gasping as all three inhaled sharply, cheeks bulging, moments before they plunged into rapidly moving, freezing water. The current caught them at once, and there was wildly unpredictable confusion as they were tossed and turned and thrown about like feathers in a wind tunnel, soaked and cold and scared out of their minds.

Two of them managed to stay conscious during this terrifying ordeal, but a combination of fear and hysteria swept the third straight into a temporary pit of inescapable darkness.

Of the three of them, Applejack awoke first. Shivering and cold and alone, she coughed violently, spraying up water and rising to all four legs. She felt like she'd been battered by a herd of cattle and then beaten with a stick. A nearby signpost by the bank of the calm portion of the water read simply

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS

"Hah," Applejack said with absolutely no humor whatsoever. For a moment, she'd almost forgotten that she was inside someone else's body, it was all so... unusually normal, except for the bright red sky and floating lifesaver white clouds overhead. She looked around, suddenly worried. "Pinkie?!" She called. "Spike!" Which in her own tongue came out sounding more like "Spaaaaahk?!"

She stumbled further down the bank, away from the direction she'd come, her eyes heavy but fixed on a large object in the distance. It appeared to be a building of some sort, but part of it was moving. It was impossible to tell anything further from here, so further investigation was needed. She walked towards it, staying close to the bank of the stream, calling for her friends.

Pinkie woke second, laying on her back next to Spike, who lay on his stomach with his eyes closed and was not moving. She sprang upon the dragon at once, shaking off her own weariness and pounded her front hooves down on his chest, working it up and down. "Spike! Spike!" She called.

Nothing at first, for an agonizingly long minute. Her efforts were then rewarded by the dragon spewing up water and coughing, his eyes springing open with sudden force. "Wha!"

Pinkie sighed with relief. "We gotta get outta here," she said slowly. "This place is too weird, even for me." She looked around, frowning. "I think we lost Applejack." Her gaze settled on one of several identical markers that indicated her location.

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS

"Hah!" She said cheerfully. "Puns! I gotta remember that."

Spike was coming around, but still a bit weary, so she flipped him up onto her back, and moved forward along the bank. She walked for some time before coming across what appeared to be a set of locomotive tracks that stretched far into the distance. She considered this for a moment, as well as the other things they'd encountered thus far, and a wide grin spread across her face.

"I bet Discord's train of thought runs on this!" She chimed. With hopeful optimism that she'd run into Applejack again, she set off down the tracks, at least to see where they led to. She didn't want to follow them too far away and leave Applejack behind. The tracks, which for the most part were straight and parallel and ran along the ground as anyone would expect them to, rose up and crested over a hill. Pinkie followed, rising up over the hill, and gaped.

"Whoa," Spike whispered.

The tracks went on an acid trip after the hill, rising straight up into the air, down again, up again, swirling around in loops and waves and ridiculous angles that would make any train progress completely impossible without a horribly fiery death.

"Is this how Discord thinks?" Spike asked.

"It wouldn't surprise me, Spike," Pinkie replied. "It wouldn't surprise me at all."

Author's Note

I wanted to make this chapter longer but you guys can only handle so many puns at once