Grand Heist on the Friendship Express
Grand Heist on the Friendship Express
Rainbow Dash took a seat in Applejack’s boutique as her friend carefully styled and clipped her mane. She didn’t really get a haircut too often, content with leaving it as is, however she recently felt like a change, and who better to help with her mane than the local fashionista and stylist?
“And there we are!” Applejack announced with a flourish. “Your new look, and Ah must say Ah think it suits you perfectly!” She stepped back to allow the Pegasus to look at herself through the full length mirror in front of her.
Rainbow dash tilted her head, raising a brow as she looked at her new fairly loose and simple ponytail. “Couldn’t I have just done this myself...? I mean, not that I don’t like it, but it feels kinda like I wasted your time...”
“Oh pssh! Where’s the fun in that!? Ah assure you, having a professional take it in hoof is far better than doing it yourself.”
Rainbow dash rolled her eyes and got up; throwing off the barber’s bib that Applejack had made her wear during the session. “Alright, let’s get going, we promised to help Rarity today.”
“Ah know, Ah know, we’ve still got plenty of time.” She and Rainbow Dash began to walk towards the main entrance of the Boutique, turning to the front counter she had set up months ago. “You’ll be able to take care of the place while Ah’m gone, won’t you, Apple Bloom?”
The little filly nodded excitedly. “Sure can sis! Don’t worry about it; me an’ Strongheart will make lots of sales!”
“Remember, dear, quality over quantity, and the customer is always right!” Applejack said, puffing out her chest, before glancing aside. “Well, SOME of the time.” She muttered under her breath.
Rainbow Dash shook her head and walked alongside her friend, towards....
“Welcome to Sugarcube Corner!” Rarity exclaimed, wearing a large cupcake shaped hat as she stood outside a building that resembled a cupcake. “We’re not open right now, but if you come back in a couple days everything should be back to normal!”
The grey Pegasus pouted and hovered off as Rainbow Dash and Applejack approached.
“Oh hey girls here to help out?” Rarity greeted.
“Sure, now where’s the cake?” Rainbow asked.
At that, a large trolley was slowly pushed out through the door of the building; a massive, very decadent looing cake was atop it. Pushing the trolley were twin earth pony mares, one with a pink coat and blue mane and tail, the other with a blue coat and pink mane and tail.
“Here...” Lotus wheezed. “It is...” She sported a vanilla cupcake for a cutie mark.
“The Massively....Mutli-layered....Macaroon...Mystery...Meringue....” Aloe panted, collapsing to her knees, sporting a chocolate muffin as her cutie mark.
Another earth pony, a chubby blue mare with a pink swirled mane and tail rushed over to the pair. “Lotus! Aloe! I told you that you should have let me help you!”
Lotus smiled and wrapped a foreleg over the mare’s shoulder. “Cup Cake, your kindness is as brilliant as your beauty; I couldn’t simply let the love of my life move such a heavy load.” She spoke with a light accent.
“And I couldn’t let my sister burden herself alone. Don’t worry Cup Cake, we’ll be fine.” Aloe added, her accent having a stronger tint to it.
Rainbow Dash sighed and grabbed at the trolley with her telekinesis. “Alright, I’ll take it from here. I take it you three are Rarity’s employers?”
Cup Cake blushed and nodded. “Well, we’re not exactly her employers, not strictly speaking, but Rarity does commonly work for us, she is such a dear. I’m Cup Cake, and these two beautiful mares with me are my co-proprieters, co-workers and family, Lotus, my wife, and Aloe, Lotus’ twin sister.”
The two rather stylish looking mares waved weakly as they tried to recover their strength.
Rainbow Dash raised a brow but shrugged. “Alright, so you just need help delivering this to the train?”
“If it’s not too much trouble...” Cup Cake replied.
“Heh, no problem, must be a pretty special order to need to be delivered by train.”
“Oh no no no,” Aloe shooks her hooves in front of her in dismissal, “we are not making a delivery!”
“We are entering the Equestria Sweet Treat Bake Off!” Lotus continued. “It’s the biggest cooking competition in Equestria, all of the best chefs shall be competing!”
“And...You three are entering?” Rainbow Dash enquired, raising a brow. “I didn’t figure a small town bakery would have chef’s good enough for such a big competition?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lotus glared.
Cup Cake giggled lightly, laying a comforting hoof on her marefriend’s shoulder. “Oh hush, she meant nothing by it. Well, Miss Dash, to answer your question, EVERY chef is welcome to compete if they feel they’re able, and if merely competing will be great advertising for us! Heck, we might even attract someponies from Canterlot if we do well enough!”
“Oh I see.” The pegasus blinked.
“Alright, but you didn’t need me to come along do you?” Applejack interjected. “All you need is Rainbow to help carry that rather....grandiose...thing, and we certainly didn’t need to pack for it.” She hefted a large bag on her back for emphasis, giving Rarity a stern look.
Rarity frowned. “Well, I kinda want you girls to come with. Rainbow Dash is...well, she’s Rainbow Dash, and you managed to fight down your uncle that one time.” The three bakers gave the fashionista and the unicorn an odd look at this. “And I figured you girls could help keep us safe. I’m coming along cause they’ll need the extra help, in case you were gonna ask.”
Rainbow frowned. “Keep you safe from...what, exactly? You’re expecting trouble?”
“You mean you haven’t heard!?” Cup Cake gasped, shoving a newspaper into the pegasus’ face. “Why, the news is going out across all Equestria!”
Rainbow frowned in annoyance and lifted the newspaper off her face with her magic, reading through the front page.
“’Grand Heist Still At Large’?” She read. “’Once again, the Canterlot Guard were unable to apprehend the infamous criminal Grand Heist, a serial burglar who has robbed ponies, banks, museums and even members of the Guard itself! His thefts have been well documented and seemingly random, with no connection to his targets or the items he steals. His latest victim was a Canterlot socialite noble, who awoke to find her most expensive dress, imported all the way from Prance for her to wear at the Grand Galloping Gala, had gone missing, in its place was the thief’s trademark calling card inscribed with the phrase ‘All That Glitters is Mine’.’”
“We’re worried he might attack us.” Lotus explained. “Noone knows anything about Grand Heist, what his special talent is, what kind of pony he is, or even what his gender is. Not even his thefts have any rhyme or reason to them, he once stole 12 socks from a clothes store, and nopony even wears those!”
“....12 socks? What?” Rainbow commented.
“I know right!?” Rarity said. “It’s bizarre!”
Applejack nodded. “Hmm well Ah doubt he’d be interested in robbing a few bakers, but, better safe than sorry.”
Rarity grinned widely. “Thanks a bunch girls!”
“Hey what are friends for?” Rainbow replied with a wry grin.
Rainbow Dash and Applejack now stood on the train, Rarity and the bakers standing near the MMMMM (The shortened name Cup Cake used to refer to the....thing she and her co-workers made) as the pegasus looked over at the other contestants. A female donkey, an earth pony stallion and a moustachioed griffon with a Prench accent were the only other occupants in the train, apart from the conductor. Rainbow yawned, the trip already having become rather long and fairly boring, even for her standards, though she was thankful that nothing had happened and her friend’s fears were unfounded.
As the day wore on, Rainbow grew increasingly bored and tired, by nightfall she was falling asleep, idly noting that someone seemed to be moving about the other sleeping passengers, fairly close to the various desserts the chefs had prepared as their entries.
“Where did you hide them away!? Confess!”
Rainbow was startled awake by somepony yelling, she looked around, noting that the chefs were gazing each other down suspiciously, looking angry and betrayed...and all the desserts were gone.
“You stole from me!” The donkey screamed.
“YOU stole from ME!” The earth pony stallion accused.
“Which of you saboteurs did it!?” The griffon screeched. “I will not forgive this!”
Cup Cake for her part frowned sadly as Lotus and Aloe stood protectively in front of her. “How do we know you didn’t do anything?” Aloe countered as Cup Cake frowned at her in admonishment.
“It’s no good accusing each other willy nilly without proof.” Cup Cake said. “We were all asleep when it happened, and none of us have any proof.”
“Not to mention that all the entries are missing.” Applejack interjected. “Ah’m sure nopony would sabotage themselves AND their opponents, that doesn’t make ANY sense!”
“Pah!” The stallion, Cuppa Joe, spat. “The culprit probably decided it was better to hide their guilt and have us all fail, rather than face the sting of actual defeat. Everypony knows that my coffee-flavoured ice cream cake would’ve won hooves down.”
“And I’m sure my chocolate mousse moose head would be FAR tastier than that disgusting dreck!” The donkey stated.
The griffon’s rage fell as he started to sob. “I put months, MONTHS, of effort into my dessert. I even vowed to give my employees raises after our victory. Zis would 'ave been a team effort...but now...all Zat hard work....WASTED!”
“Okay, everypony, and otherwise, calm the hay down!” Rainbow finally interrupted, causing everyone to look at her. “Alright, so, we are not gonna get anywhere if we just stew in anger or accuse each other. No, what we should have been doing from the START is investigate the crime scene for evidence.”
“What evidence?” Cuppa Joe scoffed. “The reason we’re having this problem is BECAUSE there’s no evidence.”
The Pegasus chuckled. “Au contraire, sir, there may not be anything OBVIOUS, but if I look carefully I should find something.” She smirked as she looked around the scene.
She knelt down, carefully sniffed the ground, peering hard at the wooden panelling that hide unfamiliar metal. She stood and walked towards one of the windows lining the cart, eyes squinting in suspicion.
“Well, figured anything out, genius?” Cuppa Joe scoffed, smirking. “Next time, maybe you should stay out of other ponies’ business rather than stick your muzzle where it don’t”
Rainbow pushed the stallion aside, walking towards the front car, which was actually the engine room.
“Rainbow, what are you doing?” Applejack asked.
The Pegasus pounded on the door. “Conductor, I have some questions for you.”
“Um Rainbow, Ah think the conductor has more important things to worry about than a momentary quarrel among some chef’s over potential and slash or sabotage. Like, you know, KEEPING THE TRAIN RUNNING.”
“It won’t be that long.” Rainbow said, pushing the door open as the over-dressed conductor stood in front of her, his clothing covering his whole body. “Ah good, you heard me, now we can get things sorted.”
She walked out in front of everyone, standing in the middle of the room. “I”ve had a thorough inspection of the crime scene. And, after inspecting everypony in the car, I...had yet to find anything conclusive. HOWEVER! Everypony here was operating under a single assumption: that everyone currently present in the car was a suspect, forgetting one other important factor....that there was one other pony present: the conductor of the train itself, who happens to be right next to this very car at all times! And, due to your work, you would have to remain alert throughout the trip, even during a time when everypony was asleep.”
“Yes, but then he’d have to stop doing his job to commit the crime in the first place.” The donkey pointed out.
“Not to mention that he lacks motive!” The griffon shouted.
Rainbow Dash gestured her hooves for quiet. “Possibly, however this is an Iron Will Industries developed train, you can tell due to the distinctive styling of the wheels and metalwork, and thus should have a limited guidance system to allow the conductor short breaks, not to mention not needing to constantly consume fuel like older models. And there is one other thing: nopony’s, or griffon’s, or donkey’s appendages have any substance leftover from handling a dessert, unless they were very quick to run three cars down to wash their hands and come back without anyone hearing or waking up, and even then there’d still be some small traces, considering most of us also WALK on all fours, even griffons.” She turned to the conductor. “You’re the only one whose hooves I haven’t inspected, and while you lack motive, you lack a solid alibi too. I’d rather remove all variables first before we do anything else.”
The conductor stood stoically.
“I-is there a problem sir?” Mrs Cake asked nervously, stepping forward a little. “Y-you have been awfully silent.”
Rarity gulped. “H-He wouldn’t have done it surely? I mean, he has no reason to, he’s just a conductor...”
Suddenly, the conductor laughed, bobbing his head as he began to sing.
“I am the main attraction
My story must be told!
Time for a chain reaction
It never gets old
Some ponies get satisfaction
Brea
king
the
mold
Some ponies are just distractions!”
He threw off his clothes, revealing a gaudy, golden costume that covered his whole body and face, along with a red tattered cape and a stylish red hat topped with a white feather. “Some ponies are just Grand!”
Rainbow Dash raised a brow. “Alright I have SOOOO many questions right now.”
The masked pony chuckled and tipped his hat. “Surely you’ve heard of me in the papers? Mysterious masked criminal mastermind, the talk of every home in Equestria?”
Lotus stood in front of Cup Cake and her sister defensively. “You’re Grand Heist!”
“Indeed, one and the same.” Grand Heist chuckled, putting her hat back on. “I WAS intending on leaving behind my calling card after we reached the station and leave you all to stew in accusation in the mean time, however,” He gave a baleful glare towards Rainbow Dash, “since SOME ponies couldn’t be patient and HAD to be clever, I suppose I should make do in revealing myself now, so you bask in my greatness. Come on, don’t be shy.”
Applejack stood beside Rainbow, unamused. “Where are the desserts? Don’t tell me you ate them all!”
“Ate them!? What do you take me for, some gluttonous fatso!?” The thief shouted incredulously, stomping his hoof, before quickly regaining his composure. “Of course not I”
“Threw them out the window.” Rainbow interrupted. “There were traces of coffee ice-cream, chocolate mousse, meringue and caramel around the window sill and glass.”
Grand Heist’s hooves shook as she spoke through gritted teeth. “Yes. Yes exactly. How. Very. Clever. Of. You.”
“Well I didn’t graduate from Canterlot’s School of Magic for nothing you know.” Rainbow smirked, pointing her wing at the thief as it began to glow. “There’s nowhere to run now, Grand Heist. The moment we dock at the station, we’ll get the proper authorities to arrest you. We may not be able to get the desserts back, but we can certainly make sure you pay for your other crimes.”
Grand Heist laughed. “Do you think so? But I have already won! I have stolen something far more precious than mere desserts from these...purveyours of confection!”
“Hey my team worked on zat!” The griffon called out.
“I have stolen their potential victory!” Grand Heist declared, hooves spread wide. “Instead, someone else shall take the prize, and these four won’t even have had a chance, they don’t even have enough time to make something to even attempt to win! I have stolen their victory, me, Grand Heist!”
“You’re still going to jail.” Rainbow said coldly. “You’re a thief and a saboteur, not to mention this can count as property damage, not to mention whatever you did to the real conductor.”
“Huh, I’ll be honest, I kinda forgot about that.” Rarity muttered.
“Oh don’t worry, he’s perfectly fine, just a little tied up at the moment.” He paused. “Because I literally tied him up in rope.”
“Oh I’ll go untie him!” Rarity said as she ran into the engine room.
At that precise moment, Grand Heist leapt over Rainbow’s head, kicking her to the ground as he fled through one of the windows. Rainbow Dash growled and got up, giving chase.
“Miss Rainbow that’s dangerous!” Cup Cake yelled out. “Forget about him it isn’t worth it!”
“No!” The Pegasus replied as she started to push herself through the window. “He hurt you and these other chefs, making all your hard work go to waste! He has hurt a lot of ponies, I can’t let him get away when there’s something I can do about it!” She forced herself through, flapping her wings as she flew in the air, glaring at the thief as she saw him clamber up to the roof of the train, flying up after him.
Grand Heist smirked as the Pegasus landed in front of him. “I would LOVE to settle our differences, but as a wise mare said, discretion is the better part of valor.”
“It ends here, Grand Heist.”
“You’d love that, wouldn’t you? Stealing my spotlight, making everypony look at YOU rather than ME. You think you’re SO special, don’t you miss ‘first Pegasus to use unicorn magic’!? Well you’re NOT!” He began to pant, regaining his composure. “No matter. I still win, another successful heist for Grand Heist. See you in the papers, Rainbow Dash, and may we meet again under more...pleasant environs.” He spread his cape and leapt over the roof.
“Oh no you don’t!” Rainbow reached out, attempting to grab the thief...only to gasp in surprise as her magic completely failed to grab him as he glided away, his cape acting like wings somehow. Rainbow watched after him, dumbfounded. “....Who ARE you!?”
She shook her head and flew back into the car as the train docked at the station.
Rainbow and Applejack spent the rest of the day helping Cup Cake, Lotus and Aloe set up what they could despite their losses, the three bakers having just enough spare supplies to quickly make a simple cupcake but nothing else, the other competitors were unable to do anything in such a short amount of time and relented to their loss. Rarity offered a sympathetic ear to them and offered to help them with whatever they needed.
Rainbow now sat at a cafe with Applejack and Rarity, the competition having just finished, the winner announced.
“I’m surprised she of all ponies entered!” Rarity said in surprise.
“Yeah, but ya know, she only really won cause she was the only contestant who managed to escape Grand heist.” Rainbow added, frowning in thought.
“Well, if you ask me, it makes a certain amount of sense.” Applejack said. “She said so herself that she was last minute, spur of the moment, and it’s not like we know that much about her to begin with, which means Grand Heist wouldn’t have known she’d compete either.”
“It’s a shame that she only won because the other chefs couldn’t compete and Cup Cake and the twins couldn’t make anything good enough in such a short amount of time and with such little supplies.” Rarity lamented.
“Oh it’s quite alright, as long as the victory made her happy.”
The three mares blinked in surprise, looking up to se Cup Cake standing with Cuppa Joe, the griffon and the donkey chef.
“To be honest, ze spirit of competition got ze best of us.” The griffon admitted. “Ze moment things fell apart, we turned on each other and if it were not for the Pegasus, nothing would ‘ave been solved.”
“Really, Grand Heist did us a favour.” The donkey added. “With the weight of winning off our shoulders, and knowing none us did anything wrong, we were able to go past our differences and instead learn from each other.”
Cuppa Joe nodded, smiling widely. “Yeah, in fact, we even decided to try and help each other best we can in the future. It’s the least we can do to salvage this whole mess in the first place.” He chuckled and grinned apologetically as the griffon gently slapped him whole giving the stallion a stern look. “I mean, yeah we got to be friends, but I’m under no illusion that this wasn’t the ebst thing could’ve gone.”
Rarity smiled. “As long as you got to be friends in the end, and someone got to be happy, it’s alright in the end.”
Rainbow nodded. “Yeah, Grand Heist got away, but at least you four might be able to figure out a way to work together and avoid anything like that in the future.”
“Lotus is still bitter about it, and Aloe is disappointed that nothing we tried could help, but they’ll get over it.” Cup Cake admitted.
“Well, we’re always in town if you need our help.” Rainbow said with a smile. “I’d like to think we’re your friends too.”
Cup Cake blushed and giggled softly. “Oh, well, thank you Miss Rainbow, I will be sure to remember that. Well, enjoy your impromptu vacation.”
“Heh, you two, Miss Cup Cake.”
The bakers nodded and led Cup Cake to another table, the four of them discussing business and sharing recipes as Rainbow got an idea for a letter to get spike to send for her later.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Ufortunately, I was unable to help protect any of the desserts from Grand Heist, who surprisingly enough actually did strike us, despite the seeming impossibility of it. However, some good came out of this, despite everything.
Cup Cake and her competitors managed to overcome their differences and earlier hostility, and managed to become good friends. This has taught me that while the spirit of competition can be fun, sometimes it can go too far, and get in the way of friendships, even ones that have yet to be formed or even seem unlikely, and so we must never lose sight of ourselves in our strive to win at anything, and we should always be wise to accept our losses gracefully.
However, this does not change the fact that Grand Heist is still on the loose. I suggest something is done soon to ensure he doesn’t hurt anypony else in the future, for even theft is not a victimless crime, no matter how bizarre.
Signed, Rainbow Dash
Shining Armour entered his personal study, looking up at the wall on the right. It was covered in pictures and newspaper clippings, each overlaid upon a map of Equestria, all centered around a drawing of the first eye witness account of a very famous criminal: Grand Heist.
Shining Armour glared at the picture, gripping his text book tightly. “I know who you are. I have no evidence to prove it, but I know in my gut who you are, Grand Heist. And rest assured, I will make you pay, and you will NEVER hurt anypony ever again, mark my
Author's Note
Alright, some ground to cover here. Firstly, originally all the mane six were gonna be here, but I decided to not do that for once, particularly since it was a major complaint about season four, and I best practice what we preach, right? Also because it’d make more sense and leave things less cluttered. Hell, I barely used Applejack and Rarity at all in this story!
Also, there was gonna be more of a fight on the train (much like how originally Apple to the Core would’ve had the Bad Apples rob the train when it first came to Appleoosa only to get caught up in a fight against the Mane Six) but I decided that it’d be bet to not have that sorta thing happen yet. Also, Grand Heist would’ve attempted to drive the train over a cliff at one point, but again, I felt it was too soon for that sort of thing.
There was also gonna be a gag involving Iron Will and Zecora about the names for the trains, but I couldn’t really fit it anywhere easily.
Grand Heist has been officially introduced, and thus, we meet the Big Bad of season on the Rainbow is Magic verse!
Hope you all enjoyed, and please comment!
Also, for the curious, here's Grand Heist's theme song:
