"... You're the best alligator baker I've ever met!" screams the pink equine, as she scurries enthusiastically through the stable doors - slamming the entrance with a bang. Finally, I think to myself, the pink one has departed - marooning me in her pink chambers. A plethora of pink. Pink wrappers. Pink door. Pink desks. Pink pictures. I'm sick of that pink pony's pink problem. But, alas, she has left me to my own devices: it is time.
A twitch spasms in my eye as they are greeted with the engulfing pink. I must evacuate from such forsaken environment - my reptilian scales shiver like scared cats. I fall. The pink one must have some superpower - she has me afraid of the colour pink. Anyway, enough of thinking about that salmon succubus - it is time. I discharge the metallic coils from my muzzle, and I sputter to remove the vulgar, detestable rust from my saliva. Disgusting. I managed to remove some pink fur from my mouth - the pink one sheds a lot. One time, the pink one ate a lot of cake and got fat - but she somehow lost the blubber in a matter of hours and leaving only the excess fur which drowned me once I had encountered it in her room. I quickly remove myself from the falling situation and I shuffle over towards the door.
The door creeks open like a slow gaping alligator ready to engulf their prey. And along came the alligator ready to engulf their prey. First, the alligator must engulf the day.
I slowly wobble out of the intolerable, repugnant and pink wasteland called a 'kitchen' and made my way across Ponyville. Ponyville is despicable, however, it does have one good trait: me. I was to help Ponyville to right its wrongs, as assigned by the swamp queen. Now, the first objective of the day was to achieve some sort of cleansing ritual. I continue to stride across this bright town, sliding across the cobble roads. I eventually reach the fountain placed in the middle of the town. I slide into it, water covering my body and cleaning my scales of any misplaced flour and sugar. I then crawl out of the refreshing liquid, moving toward the treehouse ponies call a 'castle'. The double doors greet me.
"Ah, Gummy! I didn't see you there." exclaimed the purple pony, her glasses glistening as the sunlight reflected off from the lens. Her hair is tangled, a purple tornado exists on her head. Her face was also equally unkempt as her fur is shaggy and dirty. She is the pony that I least hate. Her vast knowledge and her minimal involvement in the pink one's copious social meetings has made me respect her to a level. I quickly wander into the crystal tree, as to not be denied entry. The purple one shrugs my entrance off and continues to her studies. Excellent.
With access to the vast knowledge of equines I make myself comfortable as I wander around the house of the academic - I notice the voice of the pink one. My immediate reaction was to jump right away from the vast corridors, however I enter a strange room with a collection of posters and comic books laden upon the pristine floors. Another reptile, this 'Spike'.
"Woah, hey there Gummy," responds Spike, his tone being confused "You're early."
I only reply with a twitch, he understood. I reveal a bag. When I release it onto the floor, it displaces a variety of shining crystals as they are all ripe for a little dragon to feast upon. I perform a small movement of curtsey; before my departure.
I see the flank of the pink one, before the door is slammed on her. She has left the town, I am free. I must hurryingly attempt to commit to my plans. I advance across the crystal corridors from Spike's room to the main library, where I shall discover the true origin of these ponies. After entering the colossal doors, I wander around the great halls of knowledge. The purple one seems to be brooding about something - her purple aura surrounding a humongous golden book with a regal gryphon being illustrated on in. I mostly ignore her, and the feeling is mutual. I scour the library for information. I perceive nothing but the endless horizon of books, 'Fallout Equestria', 'Asylum' catches my eye as horrors, additionally there is an entire section on 'Homo Sapiens' which, every time I visited, a cyan unicorn is there suffocating herself on mountains of human books.
After a prolonged time of endless inconspicuous searches, and the occasional absent mind I had to fake when equines notice me, I finally locate my desired information.
A platinum-coloured book ofs corresponding material, the pages were copious in amount and first impressions allow you to think that this was the size of five times an average book; this was a giant among dwarves. The whiff of the spine breathes ancient, powerful and mystical dust. The pages speak out with thousands of words of ancient knowledge. The cover of the book, a spherical shiny void with a podium and a star stamped upon it. The name is wrapped around the majestic literature. "Equestrian World Record 2015".
With my muzzle gripping tightly onto the magnificent book (no idea how I managed to achieve it), I speed over to the reading area and made it to the far-corner and under the table. I throw a opaque disc onto the floor. A beaver appears.
"Agent 70210131325, welcome," says the beaver in a formal tone.
I reveal the shining books to my operator.
"Oh! This is ground-beaking. You must leave your assigned area of operation and return to the swamp. Hand that to the queen immediately!"
I had to escape Ponyville!
With my new found determination, I quickly shuffled around the crystal palace. Now, this was more difficult than it seems as I had a six inch book in my mouth. After finally finding my way out of the reading area, I reveal myself to a populated library of ponies. A grey mare with blonde hair stares straight at me, however her eyes seem to separate more and more as her face concentrates on me. She then just continues walking.
I see a variety of mares and stallions in the library. I am in luck. Most flood the purple princess, holding out quills for autographs on pictures of her. This made it easier.
I stumble across the first table available. I hear a couple of mares. I dash underneath the table, throwing the book ahead of me. As I hide, I eavesdrop on the couple.
"Oh my Celestia, I like, can't believe I got her signature!" screams the excited mare, her toothpaste hair swaying around as she excitedly stammers around.
"I knoww~s! I mean, how lucky are we!" replies the other mare, her curly pink and blue mane were nothing compared to her voice. A crackly, masculine voice like sandpaper escapes.
After they depart, I quickly make my dash towards the next table. The plethora of ponies does not help. I've never noticed the smell till now. The entire room smelt like horses. It was the smell of dirt, hay and excrement. I couldn't take it anymore! I make a dash towards the exit; but my plan is foiled like a Hearth's Warming carrot and onion; by that one.
This shy yellow mare stands in my way. This 'Fluttershy'. She stares at me intensely, her eyes popping at me like Hearth's Warming poppers. She knows what I'm doing. Fluttershy swipes me away from the floor and flies me away. Instead of to Twilight, she flies away from the library and even helps me carry the book.
***
After a lengthy time of flying, I finally open my eyes. Home! The sweet smell of bubbling mud, brown water and delectable moss! I was high above in the air, but Fluttershy gripped me tightly around her like a Gummy bear. Fluttershy then releases me as I disembark from her hooves.
"Remember, to save your species!" encouraged a smiling Fluttershy, before she flies away.
I don't know what she meant by that. She may be a swamp-sympathiser. Nonetheless, my journey is shortened so I make my way to my alligator home.
The queen was awe-inspiring. Her scales were oily and shiny, each one functioned to protect her gargantuan body. My mind was stunned at her beauty, the thick muzzle and the beautiful, rotting teeth. Her orbs reflects her perfect body. I could not move. I was merely a schoolboy shocked as their mother destroyed their Joyboy. The exoskeleton stretches, with piston muscles pushing her large movements. She stares at me, tiny me. I offer her the book.
The queen stares at the book. Then turns to me. A firefly flies across me and drops something on my head. A brown fedora. With a tag. "Agent Gummy." I was ecstatic.
Wait... The cake!
***
I slip the metallic coil back into my muzzle. The rustic and grass fur aroma infect my mouth. I make my first step towards the bowl.
"Gummy! I'm homeeeeee~!"