Sorcerer's Fanfic Theater:Equestria Girls
The Sorcerer's Apprentice Pictures!
(Sorcerer stands on top of a cliff while the words and the company logo float in the air.)
Youtube Video
The Sorcerer's Apprentice Pictures Presents...
In association with Nightmare Facilities
Sorcerer's Fanfic Theater The Movie: Equestria Girls
Starring Sorcerer Crainius as Sorcerer
Nightmare as herself
Viridi as herself
Twilight Sparkle as herself
Christopher Walken as The Cynical Brony
Celestia as herself
The Movie as Itself
The Original Cast Of Equestria Girls As Themselves
Score composed by Sorcerer Crainius
Ducktales Moon Orchestrated By Plasma3
Tell Her About It By Billy Joel
The Portal Series Is Owned By Valve
Sorcererland Is Owned By Nightmare Facilities
Directed by Sorcerer Crainius
Written By Sorcerer Crainius
Casting By Sorcerer Crainius
Special Effects By Sorcerer Crainius
Catering By Sorcerer Crainius
Pretty much everything by Sorcerer Crainius.
Transcript from mlp.wikia.com
Special Guest Stars
The Cynical Brony
Billy Joel
Trixie Midsummer Lulamoon
Scrooge McDuck
James Bond
King Arthur
Brave Sir Robin
The Black Knight
The Killer Bunny
GLaDOS
Wheatley
The Royal Guard Of Canterlot
Queen Chrysalis
Wade Wils-ITS DEADPOOL SUCKERS! Now sit here and watch the credits while listening to this awesome music!
Link
Palutena
Hades
Professor Layton
Phoenix Wright
Miles Edgeworth
Mia Fey
Maya Fey
Franziska Von Karma
Godot
Shelly DeKiller
Kay Faraday
Ema Skye
Trucy Wright
Apollo Justice
Athena Cykes
The Muppets
Shrek
Mozart
NiGHTS and Reala
Chuck Norris
Fox McCloud
Mr. Incredible
Fawful
Cackletta
Princess Shroob
Bowser Koopa
Dr. Drakken
Dr. Doofenshmirtz
Sora
Donald
Goofy
(Take a shot)
The IRS
Little Twelvetoes
Dante
Tron Bonne and Her Servebots.
Mega Man
Sonic
Dr. Eggman
Bubsy
"We are such stuff as dreams are made on; and our little life is rounded with a sleep."- William Shakespeare
Sorcerer: Hm...hm...hm...hm! Ha. Ha! Muahahahah! Muahaha!
Nighty: You've been doing this for 3 hours.
Sorcerer: Hm...yeeees! I know! But it's just so fantastic that we have the princess of magic in our clutches. And it's all thanks to Cynical! Muahhahha!
Twilight: I don't understand! Why can't I use magic!?
Sorcerer: Don't you think that an all powerful sorcerer like me would've left this place years ago? This whole satellite is magic-proof!
Twilight: Then what does that button do?
Sorcerer: WAIT DON'T TOUCH THAT! THAT IS THE...
(Twilight pushes the button and alarms buzz)
...crash landing sequence. Why do we even have that button?
(The satellite crashes down on Equestria and it lands underground beneath the area where Golden Oaks Library used to be)
Ugh...is everyone ok?
Nighty: Yes, we are all fine. The systems are somehow intact. And...we are getting an incoming transmission.
Viridi: From who?
Nighty: Cynical.
Sorcerer: Ugh...let's see what he wants now.
Nighty: It's...nothing. It's just a stream of the Equestria Girls movie.
Twilight: What Equestria Girls movie?!
Sorcerer: Oh! How adorable! She doesn't know!
Twilight: Doesn't know what?
Sorcerer: Hm...how about we all riff on Twilight's life together!
Nighty: Sounds like a splendid idea!
Sorcerer: For the first time....I always wanted to say this...WE'VE GOT MOVIE SIGN!!!
(All enter the theater)
[train chugging]
Applejack: Hoo-wee! Your very first princess summit. You must be over the moon, Twilight.
Sorcerer: With her new wings and all I think she actually could be over the moon.
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, I am excited. But, to be honest, I'm a little nervous, too.
Pinkie Pie: You're 'nervicited'!
Nighty:...that's not a word. Get out.
Pinkie Pie: It's like you wanna jump up and down and yell "YAY ME!!" But you also wanna curl up in a teeny-tiny ball and hide at the same time!
Viridi: (Hums Green Hill Zone theme)
Pinkie Pie: We've all been there!
Sorcerer: "Autobots...transform and roll out!"
Fluttershy: I'm there almost every day.
Nighty: And cue audience d'awing at Fluttershy for the billionth time.
Applejack: You've got no reason to fret, Twi. Everything's gonna be just–
All except Twilight: "Don't worry! About a thing! Every little thing! It's gonna be alright!"
Rarity: TWILIGHT! Oh, sorry, darling, but I just realized you're not wearing your crown. You haven't forgotten it back in Ponyville, have you?
Viridi: Well, if she wears it for too long, she'll become an Ice Princess and forget all her memories, leaving a girl she met earlier heartbroken....oh yeah...wrong cartoon...
Twilight Sparkle: It's in my bag.
Sorcerer: Crown added to the inventory!
Twilight: Just feel a little self-conscious about wearing it. Haven't really gotten accustomed to these yet, either.
Nighty: Puberty. Get used to it.
Rarity: You are a princess now, Twilight. Embrace it! I'm telling you, if I had a crown like that, I would never take it off. Why, I'd sleep in the thing.
Sorcerer: If the crown is going to turn into the Ring from Lord Of The Rings, I swear...
[horn fanfare]
Sorcerer: (Plays the Hawaii Five-0 theme on his saxophone)
Flash Sentry: Her highness, Princess Twilight Sparkle!
Sorcerer: Boo!
Nighty: Boo!
Viridi: Boo!
Twilight: Hey! Leave him alone! He's...he's my coltfriend!
Nighty: ....boo even harder!
Sorcerer: Boo!
Viridi: Boo!
Princess Cadance: [laughs] Twilight! I haven't seen you since the coronation!
Nighty: Neither have we.
Princess Celestia: We have so much to discuss. But it can wait until tomorrow. You all look tired from your journey. Now, off to bed, all of you.
Viridi: Suddenly Babysitter Celestia.
[excited conversation]
Twilight Sparkle: [sigh]
Spike: What's wrong, Twilight?
Sorcerer: EVERYTHING!!!!!
Twilight Sparkle: I don't know, Spike. I'm just... worried, I guess. Princess Cadance was given the Crystal Empire to rule over. What if, now that I'm a princess, Celestia expects me to lead a kingdom of my own?
Spike: That would be awesome!
Twilight Sparkle: No, it would not!
Sorcerer: You know...you could always give that responsibility to me. I'd make a great ruler!
Twilight : Yeah...not happening.
Twilight: Just because I have this crown and these wings, it doesn't mean I'll be a good leader!
All except Twilight: SIEG HEIL!
Spike: Aw, sure ya will, Twilight. Now c'mon, you should get some shut-eye. Big day tomorrow! [sigh]
Twilight Sparkle: [grunts] Can't... tuck...! [grunts]
[twang]
Sorcerer: Nobody make any...dirty jokes...
Twilight Sparkle: Just trying to get comfortable! Ugh!
[remixed theme song]
Viridi: AHHH! MY EYES! Wait...this isn't the Internet.
Sorcerer: AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! BLINDED BY THE LIGHT! REVVED UP LIKE A DEUCE! ANOTHER RUNNER IN THE NIGHT!!!
Twilight: (chuckles)
[crickets chirping]
[hoofsteps]
[door creaks]
Viridi: "I'm such a good sneaker! I can sneak past anythin-"
Spike: [snoring]
Sunset Shimmer: Ugh!
Viridi: "Well anything except Baby Godzilla."
Spike: Huh? What?
Twilight Sparkle: [yawns] My crown! She's got my crown! Stop! Thief! She's stolen my crown!
Sorcerer: STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!
Rest of main cast: [gasps]
Twilight Sparkle: Stop! [grunts]
[clatter]
Main cast: [gasps]
Nighty: You really need to stop gasping so much. There's a entire emoji based off the gasps that you make.
Twilight Sparkle: What did you do with my crown?
Sunset Shimmer: Sorry it had to be this way... Princess.
Viridi: ITT HASS TOO BE THHIIIS WAYYY!
Sorcerer: NANOMACHINES SON!
Main cast: [gasps]
Fluttershy: Who was that?
Sorcerer: Senator Armstrong.
Princess Celestia: Sunset Shimmer. A former student of mine. She began her studies with me not long before Twilight. But when she did not get what she wanted as quickly as she liked, she turned cruel and dishonest. I tried to help her, but she eventually decided to abandon her studies and pursue her own path. One that has sadly led to her stealing your crown.
Nighty: Where do all these villains come from. It's like they're BEGGING me to possess them...
Twilight: WHAT!?
Nighty: Nothing...
Spike: She replaced Twilight's with this one.
Viridi: "It's made of peanut butter and it's delicious!"
Princess Celestia: I suppose Sunset Shimmer thought you wouldn't notice right away that this was not yours. And by the time you did, it would be too late to go after your crown and Element of Harmony.
Sorcerer: That explanation is just filler, correct?
Twilight Sparkle: But I don't understand. Where did she go? Why did she take the crown?
All except Twi: SHE'S CLIMBIN THROUGH YO WINDOWS! SHE'S SNATCHING YO ELEMENTS UP!
Princess Celestia: You'll soon know more about this place than even I do.
Princess Luna: This is no ordinary mirror. It is a gateway to another world. A gateway that opens once every thirty moons.
Nighty: "All you have to do to open it is moon someone 30 times. It shouldn't be hard since we're already naked."
Pinkie Pie: Sparkly!
Princess Luna: It has always been kept in the throne room of Canterlot Castle. But when Princess Cadance took over the Crystal Empire, we sent it here for her to watch over.
Princess Celestia: [sigh] I had always hoped that Sunset Shimmer would someday use it to return, to come back to Equestria seeking my guidance. Obviously, this is not what has happened.
Sorcerer: How long did it take you to figure that out, Sheerclop Pones?
Princess Cadance: Twilight, you must use the mirror to go into this other world and retrieve your crown. Without it, the other Elements of Harmony have no power and Equestria is left without one of its most important means of defense.
Nighty: "You know that pointy thing in the middle of the crown? That's our most important mean of defense!"
Princess Luna: Your crown does not belong in the place Sunset Shimmer now calls home.
Viridi: She doesn't call it home. She calls it exile.
Princess Luna: And in her possession, your Element of Harmony will no doubt be used to bring harm to the inhabitants of this other realm. They will not have the power to defend themselves.
Sorcerer: Um...yeah? We have guns, tanks, the military and drones. Your move, Shimmer.
Princess Celestia: You understand the importance of your task?
Twilight Sparkle: Of course.
Nighty: "What was I supposed to do again?"
Princess Celestia: Good. Then you must go at once.
Twilight Sparkle: [sigh]
Rainbow Dash: Whoa, whoa, whoa! She's going, we're going with her.
Pinkie Pie: [squee]
Rainbow Dash: Right, girls?
Sorcerer: "No."
Pinkie Pie: Oooh! I'm so 'nervicited'!
Applejack: You do realize that's not a real word, right?
Princess Celestia: I'm afraid I can't let you go.
Nighty: "I'm sorry, girls. I'm afraid I can't let you do that. This mission is too important for me to let you jeopardize it."
Sorcerer: Brrr....never do your HAL 9000 impression again. It gave me chills...
Rainbow Dash: What?! Why not?!
Princess Celestia: Sending all of you could upset the balance of this alternate world, creating havoc that would make it impossible for Twilight to get the crown back from Sunset Shimmer. This is something Princess Twilight must do alone.
Viridi: They're gonna screw up something in this universe later anyways.
Princess Luna: Time is of the essence. On the third day, when the moon reaches its peak in the night sky, the gateway will close. And once it does, it will be another thirty moons before you will be able to use it to return.
Rest of main cast: [remarks of encouragement] Spike, NO!
Twilight Sparkle: Whoa! Aaaah!
Sorcerer: What's this? Twilight is now Jack Skellington.
Spike: [yelping]
Twilight Sparkle: [groan]
Spike: Uh, Twilight?
Twilight Sparkle: Huh? Spike! You're not supposed to– Spike? Are you a... dog?
Viridi: No. He's a mutant Joker dog.
Spike: I... think so. But I have no idea what you are!
Twilight Sparkle: Huh? [screams] [panting]
Sorcerer: We have no idea what she is either.
Spike: Twilight, you have to get it together!
Twilight Sparkle: [heavy breathing] [sigh] What... does the rest of me look like?
Nighty: LIKE A BI-
Sorcerer: Nighty, remember our "no swear" policy.
Spike: Um, like you. Only not you. Your muzzle's really small.
Twilight Sparkle: My muzzle?! [panics]
Spike: Are you gonna scream again? Where are we?
Viridi: Definitely not Earth, that's for sure. If things like this are considered "humans" then, it's not Earth at all.
Twilight Sparkle: I don't know. But that must serve as the gateway back to Equestria. We need to find my crown as soon as possible and get back there. I suggest we start searching the castle first.
Spike: Works for me. Yeah, I don't think that's how the new you is supposed to–
Sorcerer: Wait...a animal turned into a human...sidekick riding on back...this is Zelda Twilight Princess backwards.
[dog pants and whines]
Twilight Sparkle: Whooaaa... Whoa! Ooh... [laughs nervously] C'mon, Spike. I do not wanna be like this for longer than I have to.
Spike: Well, look on the bright side. You don't have those pesky wings to worry about anymore.
[thud]
All except Twilight: GAME OVER YEAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Twilight Sparkle: Hmm! [grunts] [gasps] My magic! It isn't working!
Spike: Makes sense. You don't exactly have your horn.
Sorcerer: Spike is logical. WHAT IS THIS!?
Twilight Sparkle: What?!
Spike: We really need to find you a mirror.
Twilight Sparkle: What do ya think, Spike? Other artifacts she's stolen from Equestria? [gasps]
Nighty: Sports trophies? Artifacts? HA HA HA HA HA! No.
Twilight: What am I?
Viridi in her best Fluttershy impression: "I'm the monster."
[school bell rings]
[scattered conversations]
Twilight Sparkle: Huh? Oof!
Flash Sentry: Whoa. You okay?
Spike: I don't think this is a castle.
Nighty: No sh-
Sorcerer: No swearing.
[Twilight Sparkle]
I've never seen a place
That's quite like this
Sorcerer: Ugh...can we please skip the singing?
Nighty: Fine.
Nighty: So after we fast forwarded the song, the scene cut to Sunset Shimmer and Fluttershy.
Fluttershy: Oh, I'm really sorry. I-I just found it, and-and I thought I should give it to her. I didn't know you had dropped it.
Sunset Shimmer: Well, I did! And I was about to get it before you swooped in and ruined everything! You shouldn't pick up things that don't belong to you.
Sorcerer: "I JUST DON'T LIKE OTHER PEOPLE TOUCHING MY THINGS!"
Fluttershy: [hushed] It... doesn't really belong to you, either.
Sunset Shimmer: Excuse me?!
Fluttershy: N-n-nothing...
Sunset Shimmer: That's what I thought. It's as good as mine, and you know it. You really are pathetic. It's no wonder your best friends are all stray animals.
Viridi: Hey! Some of my best friends are stray animals!
Sorcerer: ...
Nighty: ...
Viridi: What?
Twilight Sparkle: How dare you speak to her that way!
Sorcerer: Said the fandom.
Sunset Shimmer: What did you say?
Twilight Sparkle: I said, "How dare you speak to her that way!"
Nighty: "I can say it a 3rd time if you want!"
Sunset Shimmer: You must be new here. I can speak to anyone any way I want.
Sorcerer: In that case...what are you doing on Saturday night?
(NIGHTY SLAP)
OWWWWWW!!! IT WAS JUST A JOKE!
Nighty: We're married. Remember that.
[locker door shuts]
Fluttershy: I can't believe you did that!
Twilight Sparkle: I couldn't just stand there.
Fluttershy: Well, it's just that nobody ever stands up to Sunset Shimmer.
Viridi: "They mostly just sit down at her."
Twilight Sparkle: Sunset Shimmer!?
Fluttershy: You've heard of her?
Twilight Sparkle: Sort of...
Fluttershy: I don't think I've seen you around before. Did you just transfer to Canterlot High from another school?
Twilight Sparkle: Um... yes! Another... heh, school! My name's Twilight.
All except Twilight : DO THE SHUFFLE!
(DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO! DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO!)
Fluttershy: [very quietly] I'm... Fluttershy.
Twilight Sparkle: Sorry, what was that?
Fluttershy: [even quieter] It's Fluttershy!
Nighty: Are they doing what I think they're doing?
Twilight Sparkle: It sounds like you're saying Fluttershy, but how can that...?
Fluttershy: Oh, my goodness! Who's this sweet little guy?
Twilight Sparkle: That's Spike! My, uh... dog!
Fluttershy: Oh, he's so cute! Go on, eat up, little pup!
Viridi: (Facepalm) They are.
Spike: [eats] Huh?
Fluttershy: Oh, wouldn't ya just give anything to know what they're really thinking?
Twilight Sparkle: He usually just tells me.
Fluttershy: Oh, w-what do you mean?
Spike: [barks]
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, uh, nothing! (chuckles) Never mind. Sunset Shimmer said you picked something up. Something that belonged to her. It wasn't a crown, was it?
Sorcerer: No. It was a playboy magazine. Almost all the ships in this fandom are lesbians.
Fluttershy: How did you know?
Twilight Sparkle: Uh, lucky guess? Do you still have it?
Fluttershy: Mm-mm.
Twilight Sparkle: But you know what happened to it.
Fluttershy: Mm-hmm. This morning, I was passing out flyers for the animal shelter like I do every Wednesday. Canterlot's animal shelter needs more volunteers. Won't you help an animal that can't help itself?
Viridi: This girl knows what's up!
[papers fluttering]
Fluttershy: [whimpers]
[clunk]
Fluttershy: Ow!
Nighty: And cue the fandom d'awing for the 2 millionth time.
Fluttershy: I have no idea how it got there. But I didn't want anything to happen to it, so I decided to give it to Principal Celestia.
Twilight Sparkle: Principal Celestia? She's the ruler here?
Fluttershy: You could say that. Technically, I guess she and Vice Principal Luna do make the rules.
Sorcerer: Fluttershy must've thought Twilight came from a dictatorship. Or...that Twilight made a dictatorship.
Nighty: "First Canterlot....then...THE WORLD!"
Twilight Sparkle: Where is she now?
Fluttershy: Probably in her office. Third door on your left.
Twilight Sparkle: Thank you!
Fluttershy: Oh, wait! You're not really supposed to have pets on school grounds. Might wanna tuck him into your backpack. That's what I do.
[cat meows]
[bird chirps]
Fluttershy: They just get so lonely when I'm in school all day.
Viridi: D'aw...
Sorcerer: Don't fall under their spell, Viridi! That's exactly what they want you to do! They want Fluttershy to be your favorite pony just because she's cute! Remember who the true best pony is! Remember!
Viridi: Right...right...
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, okay! Thank you!
[school bell rings]
Fluttershy: Oh, no! I'm late for class!
[knock knock knock knock]
Principal Celestia: Come in. How may I help you?
Twilight Sparkle: Um, uh... Whew. My name's Twilight Sparkle. I-I'm new here, and... Well, I understand that Fluttershy found a crown this morning and gave it to you.
Nighty: "Get out."
Principal Celestia: Yes. I've had Vice Principal Luna put it somewhere for safekeeping. No idea how it ended up in the front lawn. Were you interested in running for Princess of the Fall Formal this year?
Twilight Sparkle: Uh, no. Not exactly. The truth is... Well, the truth is I... You see, the crown is actually... Princess of the Fall Formal?
Principal Celestia: It's Canterlot High's big Fall dance.
Sorcerer: BLAARRHGHHHGH!
Viridi: What's wrong?
Sorcerer: High school dances...I'm allergic to them...
Twilight Sparkle: Like the Grand Galloping Gala.
Principal Celestia: Uh, Grand Galloping Gala?
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, uh, it was a big deal at my old school.
Principal Celestia: And was there a princess?
Twilight Sparkle: Yes, but she wasn't exactly a student.
Sorcerer: If....you know what I mean.
Principal Celestia: Here at Canterlot High, the students select one of their peers to represent them. She receives a crown at the Fall Formal.
Twilight Sparkle: Hmm. You asked me if I was interested in running for Princess. Can anyone run?
Nighty: No. That's inconsiderate to handicapped people. Shame on you.
Principal Celestia: Yes. You just need to let the head of the Fall Formal planning committee know you'd like to be on the ballot. Was there anything else?
Twilight Sparkle: Um, nope! That was it!
Principal Celestia: Well, if you do need anything else, my door is always open.
[door closes]
All except for Twilight: TROOOOLOLOLO! LOLOLO!
Spike: Twilight, why didn't ya just tell her the crown was yours and ask for it back?
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, I was going to, but imagine if one of them showed up in Equestria saying they came from a place filled with tall, fleshy, two-legged creatures with these? We'd think they were crazy!
Spike: Hmm. You make a good point.
Twilight Sparkle: Looks like if I want my crown back, I'll have to become Princess of the Canterlot High Fall Formal. So that's what I'm gonna do!
Nighty: Or you could steal it.
Spike: And how exactly do you plan on doing that?
Twilight Sparkle: I have no idea!
Nighty: Just steal it.
[school bell rings]
[students chatting]
Twilight Sparkle: I know we've just met, but I was wondering if you might be able to help me with something.
Viridi: "Here's my number. So call me maybe."
Fluttershy: Of course!
Twilight Sparkle: I've decided to run for Princess of the Fall Formal, and–
Fluttershy: [gasp] Oh! Oh, gosh! Sorry. It's just, oh, running for Fall Formal Princess is a really bad idea.
Twilight Sparkle: Why?
Fluttershy: Sunset Shimmer wants to be Fall Formal Princess, and when she wants something, she gets it! She'll make life awful for anyone who stands in her way. Just ask the girl who ran against her for Princess of the Spring Fling.
Nighty: Ah....no comment.
Twilight Sparkle: I have to try!
Fluttershy: Oh, I don't think you understand. You'd have to convince everyone here to vote for you instead of her: the athletes, the fashionistas, the dramas, the eco-kids, the techies, the rockers...
Sorcerer: Stereotypes, stereotypes everywhere.
Twilight Sparkle: Why is everypony–
[smack]
Twilight Sparkle: Uh, everybody separated this way?
Fluttershy: Maybe it was different at your old school, but at C.H.S., everybody sticks to their own kind. One thing that they do have in common is that they know Sunset Shimmer is gonna rule the school until we graduate.
Nighty: Which is never because you're all in Bart Simpson Syndrome.
Twilight Sparkle: Not if I can help it! [chews apple] So, uh, [giggle] where would I find the head of the party planning committee?
Twilight Sparkle: Fluttershy said she'd probably be in here.
Pinkie Pie: Incoming! [breathes in and blows into a balloon]
Sorcerer: Nighty, I'm scared.
Twilight Sparkle: Hi, my name's Twilight Sparkle and... Pinkie Pie?
[balloon deflates]
Pinkie Pie: [gasps] Are you psychic?!
Viridi: Well she's certainly not a fighting type.
Twilight Sparkle: Uh, no. I don't think so. Unless of course that's something you can do here.
Pinkie Pie: [sigh] Not usually.
Twilight Sparkle: Fluttershy said this is where I'd find the head of the Fall Formal planning committee.
Pinkie Pie: Fluttershy, huh? Don't let the whole "shy" thing fool you. She can be a real meanie.
Sorcerer: "You're...GOING TO LOVE MEEEEEE!"
Twilight Sparkle: You two aren't friends?
Pinkie Pie: Waited a bit to get your name on the ballot, huh? Dance is day after tomorrow.
Twilight Sparkle: I'm brand new here.
Pinkie Pie: Oooh! I thought you didn't look familiar. Though, now that I'm really lookin' at you... Do you have a twin sister who lives in the city, has a pet dog named Spike that looks just like that one?
Twilight Sparkle: Uh, maybe?
Pinkie Pie: Thought so. Anyhoo, just need to fill this out and you are officially up for the coveted Princess of the Fall Formal crown.
Nighty: She really bought that?
Sorcerer: Packaging and all.
[pen scratching]
Pinkie Pie: Wow! You have really bad handwriting. It's like you've never held a pen before.
Twilight Sparkle: [nervous laughter] Is it?
Applejack: Somebody order a dozen cases of fizzy apple cider?
All except Twilight: CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG!
Pinkie Pie: Oh! Oh! Me, me-me-me, me, yeah, ha-ha, me!
Applejack: Can you bring in the rest?
Big McIntosh: Eeyup.
Applejack: Hey, I know you.
Twilight Sparkle: You do?
Applejack: Sure. You're the new girl who gave Sunset Shimmer the what for today. [gulps cider]
Sorcerer: And by "what" she means the...
All except Sorcerer: NO!
Pinkie Pie: Twilight Sparkle here is gonna run against Sunset Shimmer for Princess of the Fall Formal.
Applejack: [spits] I'd think twice about that. Oh, sure, she'll probably approach you all friendly like... [fakes Sunset Shimmer's voice] I sure am lookin' forward to some friendly competition. [fakes Twilight's voice] That's so good to hear. [normal] But then, here comes the backstabbin'.
Viridi: SPY CHECK!
Sorcerer: MMPH MMMPPPHH!
[balloon pops]
Applejack: About the only girl in this school you can trust less than Sunset Shimmer is Rainbow Dash.
Twilight Sparkle: Rainbow Dash?
Pinkie Pie: She's the captain of, like, every team at Canterlot High.
Sorcerer: She's the captain of RED, BLU and even the robo...
Nighty: No more TF2 references.
[balloon pops]
Applejack: She's also the captain of sayin' she's gonna do somethin' for ya, and then turnin' around and not even botherin' to show up.
Viridi: Sort of like Capcom.
Twilight Sparkle: Thanks for the advice, Applejack, but this is something I really need to do.
Applejack: Huh, suit yourself. Hey, how'd you know my name is Applejack?
Twilight Sparkle: Um, I uh... [nervous laughter] Didn't you say?
Big Mac: Nnnope.
Twilight Sparkle: Well, it sure was nice meeting you both. I'm sure I'll be seeing you around.
Pinkie Pie: That one's tryin' to hide a secret, but I am totally on to her. [whispering] She's psychic!
Sorcerer: Twilight is Espeon. I'm calling it right now.
Applejack: Uh-huh. If you say so.
[doors open]
Sunset Shimmer: This looks terrible! There should be more streamers near the stage and fewer balloons.
Nighty: This seems oddly familiar...
[balloon pops]
Snips: Yeah, streamers!
Snails: And fewer balloons!
[thud]
Sunset Shimmer: Fizzy apple cider? Ugh! This is my coronation, not a hoedown.
Nighty: So...familiar. I swear I've seen this before.
Applejack: Well, now, it ain't necessarily gonna be your coronation this time around.
Sunset Shimmer: Oh, is that so? You country folk really aren't that bright. Must be why the other students say such awful things about you.
Nighty: Wait...Chrysalis? Is that you?
Applejack: Grrr...
Sunset Shimmer: Obviously it's gonna be my coronation. I'm running unopposed.
Pinkie Pie: Not this time. The new girl just signed up!
Sunset Shimmer: What?!
Pinkie Pie: I know. Her handwriting is really bad.
Sorcerer: I can sympathize.
Sunset Shimmer: [to herself] Where is this Twilight Sparkle? [laughs] [to Applejack and Pinkie Pie] I'm looking forward to meeting the competition!
Nighty: This is Sorcerer in writing contests.
Sorcerer: Hey!
[students chatting]
Sunset Shimmer: Can't believe I didn't recognize you earlier. Shoulda known Princess Celestia would send her prized pupil here after my crown, and her little dog, too.
Viridi: I would make the obvious joke....but Bronies React already did it.
Twilight Sparkle: It's my crown!
Sunset Shimmer: Whatever. This is just a minor setback for me. You don't know the first thing about this place, and I already rule it.
Nighty: Teenage girl vs the military. Three words: Fatality. Flawless Victory.
Twilight Sparkle: If that's so, why do you even need my crown? You went to an awful lot of trouble to switch it with the one that belongs here.
Sunset Shimmer: Pop quiz: what happens when you bring an Element of Harmony into an alternate world? You don't know? Seriously? [laughing] And you're supposed to be Princess Celestia's star student? Then again, what were the chances she'd find somepony as bright as me to take under her wing after I decided to leave Equestria? Bit embarrassing that you were the best she could do.
Sorcerer: Nighty?
Nighty: Yes?
Sorcerer: How about you use your Back To The Future thing to put Past Sunset in Trixie's place? Something tells me it wouldn't make that much of a difference.
Spike: [growls]
Sunset Shimmer: Oh, and I'd keep an eye on your mutt. Hate for him to be... taken away from you.
Spike: Is that a threat?
Sunset Shimmer: Oh, of course not.
All except Twilight: LIAR LIAR DING!
Spike: [barks]
Sunset Shimmer: But I'd cut down on the chatter if I were you. Don't want everyone to know you don't belong here, now would you? You wanna be a princess here? Please. You don't know the first thing about fitting in.
Nighty: ...CLOTHING
Sunset Shimmer: I want you to follow her. Bring me something I can use just like I did with that last girl who thought she could challenge me.
Snips: You got it, Sunset Shimmer.
Sorcerer: These two will follow any sort of power won't they?
Sunset Shimmer: When the crown and its power are mine, Twilight Sparkle will be sorry she ever set hoof into this world. Not that she would've been much safer if she'd stayed in Equestria.
Snips: Yeah, in Equestria.
Viridi: Clueless. Clueless! CLUELESS! IDIOTS!
Sunset Shimmer: What are you still doing here?! Go!
Snips and Snails: Ow. Oh.
[vending machine creaking]
Twilight Sparkle: [grunts]
Trixie Lulamoon: Excuse me. The Great and Powerful Trixie! ...Needs some peanut butter crackers.
Sorcerer: WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO! BEST POOONNNNYYY!!!
[machine clanks]
Trixie Lulamoon: Voilà!
Sorcerer: ....wait...that's it? BUT WHAT ABOUT MY HEADCANON!!???
Nighty: Quiet, you.
Twilight Sparkle: Sunset Shimmer is right. I don't know the first thing about this place. If I'm gonna really fit in and win votes, we need to do some research.
Sorcerer: Silly, Twi! You can't be popular through science! It's quite the opposite, actually.
Spike: Research?
Twilight Sparkle: This place has a school. I have to believe it's got a... library!
Snips: Got your phone?
Snails: Got yours?
Snips and Snails: [snickering]
Nighty: "Now lets prank-text her to death!"
Twilight Sparkle: So I just push the letters here, and then the words and moving pictures will come up here?
Cheerilee: [sigh] That's right.
Twilight Sparkle: Maybe this place does have magic.
Viridi: If by "magic" you mean CGI then yeah. Sure.
[music playing]
Scootaloo: [in video] "When you're a younger–"
Nighty: OH SWEET ME NO!
[music shuts off]
Cheerilee: Uh, girls, what are you doing?
Sweetie Belle: We're just seeing how many hits our new music video has gotten.
Sorcerer: Hits? No, sweetheart. It's all about the subscribers.
Scootaloo: [in video] "So the three of us will fight the fight..."
Cheerilee: [groaning] No, just...
Scootaloo: [in video] "There is nothing–"
[music shuts off]
Cheerilee: No! The school computers are for research purposes only.
All: THANK YOU!
Apple Bloom: It's just as well, y'all. Some of the comments about our song were really awful. "Epic fail"... "Funniest thing I've ever seen"?!
Sweetie Belle: Funniest thing they've ever seen, huh?
Viridi: I think they misinterpreted "funny" instead of "Justin Bieber levels of annoying".
Twilight Sparkle: Uh, I don't know that that's what you should take from... [sounds of exertion]
Snips and Snails: [snickering]
Twilight Sparkle: Whoa! Whoa! Waah!
Cheerilee: Shhh!
Twilight Sparkle: Uh... [nervous laughter]
Snips and Snails: [snickering harder]
Twilight Sparkle: Ugh.
Twilight Sparkle: [yelps]
Voice on P.A. system: The library will be closing in five minutes.
Sorcerer: What is this, a mall?
Twilight Sparkle: [yawn] [gasp] I hadn't even thought about where we're gonna sleep tonight!
Spike: Way ahead of you.
Sorcerer: ...
Nighty: You had better not be thinking what I think you're thinking.
Sorcerer: What!? No...I would never...
Spike: It's a little [cough, cough] dusty. But it doesn't seem like anybody comes up here.
Twilight Sparkle: It's perfect, Spike.
Spike: So, how did your research go?
Twilight Sparkle: I found this book. It's called a yearbook. It seems to be something they use to keep a record of things that have happened at the school. Look. That's Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, and I'm gonna bet the girl on the far right is Rarity.
Spike: There's a Rarity here!? Uh, I mean, uh... interesting photo.
Sorcerer: I'm sure it is, Spike. I'm sure it is.
Twilight Sparkle: It's interesting because they look like they're friends.
Spike: They do look like our friends. But I thought we'd figured that out already.
Twilight Sparkle: No, I mean... they look like they're friends with each other. But it doesn't seem like they're friends now.
Spike: Not so much.
Nighty: Ya don't say!
Twilight Sparkle: I just can't help but get the feeling that Sunset Shimmer had something to do with it.
Spike: I wouldn't put it past her. But she wanted your crown 'cause she's planning on doing something even worse! If you're gonna stop her, you have to focus on making friends here. Can't worry about why these girls aren't friends anymore. Even if they [yawning] do remind you of your Ponyville friends.
Twilight Sparkle: You're right, Spike. [sigh] Eye on the prize.
Sorcerer: SLEEPOVER!
Others: Woo!
Principal Celestia: [on P.A. system] Good morning, students, and happy Thursday. Just a reminder to pick up your ballots for the Princess of the Fall Formal today. They are due at the time the dance starts tomorrow night, so don't forget to turn them in and make your voice heard.
Nighty: "Unfortunately this is pseudo-democracy and only me and Luna get to choose. Suck it."
Twilight Sparkle: Fluttershy said I'd need to win over all those different groups if I wanna become Princess of the Fall Formal. So I've compiled a list of talking points.
Spike: [laughing] You made a list? That's so unlike you! [laughs nervously] Uh... Please... Continue.
Twilight Sparkle: I'll start introducing myself, sprinkle in some things I learned about their world into the conversation, show them how I fit in here! [sigh] Okay, Spike. Time to make a good first impression on my fellow students. The whole world sorta depends on it.
Viridi: The whole world depends on high school? Psshh! Sounds like a teenage girl's wet dream.
"Nolan North": Hey, look.
[students laughing]
Twilight Sparkle: Why is everybody looking at me funny? Whoa! What're you...? Why did you...? Rarity?
Rarity: Perfect! Oh, yes. This is good! No one will recognize you!
Twilight Sparkle: Why wouldn't I wanna be–
Rarity: And we'll need a disguise for your dog, which is too bad. He really is so adorable! Y'know, with a little work, I think I could make him look like a rabbit instead.
Spike: Huh?
Twilight Sparkle: A rabbit?
Sorcerer: Must! Resist! Playboy joke!
[door opens]
Applejack: There you are, Twilight.
Rarity: So much for the disguise.
Applejack: I've been lookin' all over for ya!
Fluttershy: Me too.
(All exit the theater)
Sorcerer: Oh hello there Twilight! You've been awfully quiet. It is your first riff, but you could at least put some effort into it!
Twilight: Why would I make fun of my own life?
Sorcerer: Comedians do it all the time. Also, I thought you might like to know that I've already set up a plan to take your princess down. And it's happening today.
Twilight: WHAT!? ...wait why are you telling me this?
Sorcerer: Because you're helpless to stop me. That's why!
Twilight: You're...kind of an idiot aren't you...
Sorcerer: Well, I got this far! Anyway my plans for Equestria are nearly complete.
Twilight: Then what...
Sorcerer: Then...I will take over EQUESTRIA! And then....here comes the good part....I'll kill Celestia and turn Canterlot.....pause for dramatic effect.....INTO SORCERERLAND! A country sized amusement park for fillies and colts of all ages!
Twilight: You're kidding....I mean the Celestia thing was kind of threatening...
Sorcerer: What? You don't think my plans are the greatest? We'll see who's laughing once I make the Portal ride! Nighty, tell her about the GLaDOS animatronic!
Nighty: It's voiced by me.
Sorcerer: Then I can take her on our honeymoon! Isn't that right, Nighty?
Nighty: Sure is, Sourcy.
(Both nuzzle)
Twilight: That has got to be the weirdest couple I've ever seen.
Sorcerer: If you know what's good for you, you'll riff on that story.
Twilight: Never.
Sorcerer: I think you need a different....mindset.
(Eyes glow green)
Sorcerer: You will riff on that movie for me.
Twilight: I'll....riff on that movie for you....
Sorcerer: Excellent!
Twilight: GAH! I thought you said magic wasn't...
Sorcerer: That wasn't magic. It was Nightmare Fuel.
Twilight: What's N-
Sorcerer: WE GOT MOVIE SIGN!
Pinkie Pie: Me three! I like your new look!
Rarity: I do have an eye for these sorts of things. Not that you seem to care.
Pinkie Pie: What?!
Sorcerer: Ooh! Cat fight!
Twilight Sparkle: Why do you think she doesn't care? No, never mind. Why were you all looking for me? What's going on?
Fluttershy: Oh, she hasn't seen it yet.
Twilight Sparkle: Seen what?
Pinkie Pie: Oh, it's really not that bad. [laughing nervously]
Nighty: "Pinkie, what is this video? Two Girls One...OH MY GOD!"
Sunset Shimmer: [in video] Twilight Sparkle wants to be your Fall Formal Princess. What does it say about our school if we give someone like this... such an important honor?
Viridi: I dunno. What does it say? You just stopped talking after that.
Twilight Sparkle: Wha... I...
Pinkie Pie: I take that back. It's pretty bad!
Twilight Sparkle: But this all happened yesterday! At the library! Has everyone in the school seen this? Is that why they were all looking at me that way?
Nighty: And that's why YouTube and all social media are secretly evil, fillies and colts!
Pinkie Pie and Applejack: Mmm...
Twilight Sparkle: What am I gonna do? No one is gonna vote for me after seeing this!
Fluttershy: Not that it'll make any difference, but I'll still vote for you.
[thunk]
Fluttershy: You were so nice to stand up for me when Sunset Shimmer was picking on me yesterday.
Pinkie Pie: If ya still wanna run, maybe there's something I can do to help!
Sorcerer: GOTTA GO F-OOF!
Nighty: Never do that again.
Fluttershy: Word of advice? Don't accept her help. She doesn't take anything seriously!
Pinkie Pie: Ugh! Why do you have to be so awful to me?
Rarity: Oh! Pff. Kch. Ts! Don't play innocent, Pinkie Pie! You are no better than she is!
(Twilight's eyes light up)
Twilight: She's guilty! Guilty guilty guilty! Did...I just say that?
Sorcerer: You made a Phoenix Wright reference! Good for you!
Pinkie Pie: And what is that supposed to mean?!
Rarity: [to Twilight] I am happy to offer up my assistance as well. [to Pinkie] To someone who would appreciate what I have to offer!
[arguing]
Applejack: Listen to y'all carryin' on! Get over it and move on!
Viridi: Oh hi, voice of reason. Haven't heard from you in a while.
Rarity: You mean like how you've gotten over what happened with Rainbow Dash?
Applejack: She said she'd get the softball team to make an appearance at my bake sale. I tell everybody they're comin', and then not one of 'em shows up! She made a liar outta me! That's different!
Viridi: Oh. Goodbye, voice of reason. See you again soon.
Pinkie Pie and Rarity: Is not!
Applejack: Is too!
[arguing continues]
Sorcerer: You know, if the Dazzlings chose to invade right then, Equestria would be screwed.
Twilight Sparkle: STOP! All of you! I wanna show you something. You were friends once.
Applejack: Hmm. The Freshman Fair. Y'all remember?
Pinkie Pie: Mm-hmm.
Rarity: Yes.
Twilight Sparkle: But something happened. I think that something was Sunset Shimmer.
Nighty: Wouldn't the world be a better place if we blamed Sunset for everything?
Twilight: B-blame Canada!
Sorcerer: I should use hypnosis more often...
Rarity: Well, it's a nice theory, darling, but Sunset Shimmer had nothing to do with it.
Fluttershy: She's right. Sunset Shimmer isn't the one who ruined my silent auction for the animal shelter by bringing fireworks and noisemakers! It was supposed to be a serious event, and Pinkie Pie ruined it!
Pinkie Pie: What are you talking about? I got a text from you saying that you didn't want a silent auction. You wanted a big party!
Fluttershy: Uh! I never sent you a text!
Sorcerer: "That was my twin sister!"
Pinkie Pie: You didn't?
Rarity: You don't think she's the one who's been sending me those e-mails, do you? Every time I volunteer to help with the decorations at a school function, I get an e-mail from Pinkie Pie saying she has plenty of volunteers! And then I find out she's done everything herself.
Pinkie Pie: I never sent you any e-mails!
Nighty: It's the Phantom Of The High School Play.
Applejack: Maybe she's the reason Rainbow Dash didn't show up for my bake sale!
Twilight Sparkle: Didn't you ever ask Rainbow Dash why she didn't show up?
Applejack: Heh, I guess I kinda stopped talkin' to her at all after that.
Twilight Sparkle: Maybe now would be a good time to start.
Rarity: They're actually talking! That's a good sign!
Pinkie Pie: Hugs! Ooh, hugs are always good!
Sorcerer: No. No they're not.
(Nighty hugs Sorcerer)
Sorcerer: But....sometimes they are.
Viridi and Twilight: D'aw...
Sorcerer: D-don't you have a movie to riff!?
Applejack: Somebody, and I think we can all guess who, told Rainbow Dash that my bake sale had been moved to a different day. Dash showed up with all the softball team and thought I'd cancelled on her!
Rainbow Dash: So you're lookin' to dethrone Sunset Shimmer and become Princess of the Fall Formal, huh? Gotta say, I'd really love to see that happen. I'll totally help you out! All you gotta do is beat me in a game of one-on-one.
Twilight: EVERYPONY GET UP, ITS TIME TO SLAM NOW! (Covers mouth)
Twilight Sparkle: What?
Rainbow Dash: First to five goals wins. One-zip!
[energetic music]
Twilight Sparkle: [gasping]
Rainbow Dash: That's game!
Nighty: This game's winner is....
Viridi: Viridi!
Sorcerer: You're not even a Smash character...
Viridi: Said the pony who voted for me in the ballot!
Sorcerer: Touché.
Rarity: I... really thought you were gonna... pull it off there in the end! [laughs nervously]
Rainbow Dash: So what's the plan? How can I help you be princess instead of Sunset Shimmer?
Twilight Sparkle: But... I... lost!
Rainbow Dash: Of course you lost. I'm awesome! But I'm not gonna help just anybody try and beat Sunset Shimmer. The Fall Formal Princess should be someone with heart and determination. You've proved that you've got 'em both!
Nighty: I think they're taking this event a teensy bit too seriously considering they don't even know that the fate of the universe depends on it.
[cheering]
Snips and Snails: [snickering]
Twilight Sparkle: And... can I get mine with extra oats?
Mrs. Cake: Oats?
Twilight Sparkle: Uh, scratch that. However you normally make it is fine.
[cup clatters]
Flash Sentry: Oh! We've got to stop bumping into each other like this.
Sorcerer: DEMON SPAWN! LEAVE THIS PLACE!
Twilight Sparkle: You know me! Always trying to make a big splash around here. 'Cause my drink kinda splashed... on the ground! [nervous laughter] I'm gonna go over there now.
Rarity: Don't even think about it! You're already trying to get her crown. Who knows what Sunset Shimmer would do if you ended up getting her ex-boyfriend too?
Nighty: Oh oh here she comes!
Sorcerer: Watch out, boy! She'll chew you up!
Nighty: Oh oh here she comes!
Sorcerer: She's a colt eater!
Twilight Sparkle: I'm not trying to. I don't even know... We just accidentally... Ex-boyfriend?
Fluttershy: Flash Sentry broke up with her a few weeks ago. I can't believe she hasn't done something awful to him yet.
Twilight Sparkle: Maybe she's just waiting until she has the power to do something really awful.
All:...
Viridi: DO SOMETHING AWFUL TO HIM!
Sorcerer: YES YES!
Nighty: DO IT, YOU COWARD! DO IT!
Applejack: All right, girls. Dance is tomorrow night, and we still don't know how we're gonna get Twilight the votes she needs to be named princess. Right now, folks only know the Twilight from the videos Sunset Shimmer posted online. We need to help 'em see her differently.
[remarks of agreement]
Nighty: That's easy. Just drug them.
Rarity: I'VE GOT IT! Ahem. I mean, um, perhaps I have a solution. Now this may be an absolutely preposterous idea, but what if we all wore these as a sign of unity? Freshman year, they were very, very popular. A way for everybody to show their school spirit! You know? "Go, Canterlot Wondercolts!" Ahem. I haven't sold any in ages. I mean, the five of us are obviously very different, but deep down, we're all Canterlot Wondercolts! Sunset Shimmer is the one who divided us, Twilight Sparkle is the one who united us. And we're gonna let everyone know it! What do you think?
All: IT STINKS!
[students chatting]
[guitar strumming]
[lunch tray thudding]
[stomping and clapping]
[Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity]
Hey, hey, everybody
We've got something to say
Sorcerer: Nopenopenpopenopenopenopenope
(Fast forward)
Nighty: Nightmare here. I'm supposed to fill you in on what happened while Sorcerer fast forwarded the song. Twilight and her friends did a really awkward dance in the cafeteria and somehow everyone enjoyed it. They also put bunny ears on everyone.
[song continues in the background]
Sunset Shimmer: Take those off! I have something I need you to do.
[school bell rings]
[student chatting]
Rarity: Doesn't everyone look just fabulous?
Viridi: They all look like really dumb cosplayers.
Twilight: What's cosplay?
Viridi: Halloween, only without the candy.
Twilight: What's Halloween?
Viridi: (face palm)
Twilight Sparkle: It was a great idea, Rarity!
Applejack: Don't know what she's smilin' about. Twilight's the one that's gonna be Princess of the Fall Formal.
[knock knock knock]
Sunset Shimmer: Vice Principal Luna! Something terrible has happened!
Sorcerer: "The guy who made Foodfight is making a Tetris movie!"
Sunset Shimmer: Isn't this just awful? And after Pinkie Pie worked so hard to make things so perfect! Why would Twilight Sparkle do something like this?
Vice Principal Luna: Why would you think Twilight was responsible for something like this?
Sunset Shimmer: Because I have proof.
All: TAKE THAT!
Twilight Sparkle: But... But I don't understand!
Vice Principal Luna: This is clearly you in the photographs, is it not?
Twilight: (imaginary desk slam)
Twilight Sparkle: Yes, but...
Vice Principal Luna: I think it should be fairly obvious that the school cannot let someone who would do something like this compete for the Fall Formal crown.
[knock knock]
Flash Sentry: Vice Principal Luna. I found these in a trash can in the library. Thought you should see them. Someone obviously combined these photos to make it look like Twilight was the one who trashed the gym.
All: OBJECTION!
Sorcerer: DUN DUN DUN DUNDUNDUN DUN DUN DUN DUNDUNDUN!
Vice Principal Luna: I appreciate you bringing these to my attention, Flash. In light of this new evidence, you may of course continue your bid to be crowned the Princess of the Fall Formal.
Twilight Sparkle: Thank you! You have no idea how important this is to me!
Flash Sentry: (chuckles) What was I gonna do? Not prove your innocence? Wouldn't be much of a Canterlot Wondercolt, would I?
Sorcerer: Always a colt. Never a stallion.
Viridi: Always a bridesmaid. Never a bride.
Vice Principal Luna: I am afraid enough damage has been done to the gym that we will have to postpone the dance until tomorrow night. If you will excuse me, I need to let my sister know about this latest development.
Flash Sentry: So, uh, I was wondering. If you aren't already going with somebody, wanna go to the Fall Formal with me tomorrow night?
Twilight: I'm started to feel uncomfortable that this was recorded of all things.
Twilight Sparkle: That would be... Tomorrow night!? No, no-no-no-no-no, no no no no no! Nonononono! I can't! The portal! That'll be too late! [panting]
Flash Sentry: One "no" would have been fine!
Sorcerer: NO NO NO NO NO!
Rarity: Everything okay in there?
Twilight Sparkle: Yes! [to herself] Only it's not okay. It's not okay at all! If I don't get my crown tonight, I won't be able to go back to Equestria for another thirty moons! Oh, what are we gonna do?
Spike: Hmm. We tell them the truth. Let them know what's really at stake if you don't get the crown tonight. They'll help us figure somethin' out.
Twilight Sparkle: But what if they won't? What if when they find out how different I really am...?
Sorcerer: Then it would probably go along the lines of..."BURN THE WITCH!"
Spike: Twilight, these girls rallied around you 'cause they saw what was in your heart. They aren't gonna feel any differently about you when they find out you're a pony princess in Equestria.
Twilight Sparkle: I'm glad you followed me here, Spike.
Spike: Me too. Unless, of course, we get stuck here for another thirty moons.
Nighty: You just ruined it, Spike.
Applejack: You okay?
Twilight Sparkle: The Fall Formal isn't happening tonight.
Pinkie Pie: WHAT!?
Twilight Sparkle: It had to be postponed because Sunset Shimmer had Snips and Snails ruin all of Pinkie Pie's decorations.
Pinkie Pie: WHAT?!?
Twilight Sparkle: But the Fall Formal has to happen tonight.
Pinkie Pie: Wha–!
Twilight Sparkle: [sigh] You see...
Twilight: "There once was a man from Nantucket..."
Pinkie Pie: You're from an alternate world and you're a pony princess there and the crown actually has a magical element embedded in it that helps power up other magical elements, and without it they don't work anymore, and you need them all to help protect your magical world, and if you don't get the crown tonight, you'll be stuck in this world and you won't be able to get back for, like, a really, really long time! [squee]
Nighty: "No! Everything you said was completely wrong."
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, I'm pretty sure that isn't the reason.
Spike: Nope, she's pretty much spot-on.
Rarity: He can talk!?
Spike: Oh, yeah! And back where I come from, I'm not even a dog! I'm a ferocious, fire-breathing dragon!
Viridi: Spike The Magic Dragon lived by the sea...
Fluttershy: This is so amazing! Tell me, what are you thinking right now?
Spike: Sure would love a scratch behind the old ears!
Sorcerer: NO! NO FURRY! NO FURRY! NO FURRY!
Rarity: Gah...
Spike: Uh, maybe later.
Twilight Sparkle: How did you know all that?
Pinkie Pie: Just a hunch.
Applejack: Wait a minute! Lemme get this straight. You're a pony?
Rarity: You're a princess?
Fluttershy: You're from another world?
Twilight Sparkle: [gulp] Mm-hmm.
Viridi: "Afterwards, Twilight was taken to a mental hospital while Sunset Shimmer acquired the crown but was quickly shot down by the U.S. military. The end."
Rainbow Dash: That... is... awesome!
[excited chatter]
Spike: See? Told ya.
Rarity: I simply cannot believe they did all this!
Pinkie Pie: If I only had some kind of... party cannon that could decorate everything super fast!
Twilight Sparkle: I know it seems impossible, but, maybe if we all work together?
Applejack: Now that's the kinda can-do spirit I'm lookin' for in a Fall Formal Princess! Let's do it, y'all!
Rarity: Absolutely!
Rainbow Dash: Rock on!
Pinkie Pie: Yes, indeedily!
Fluttershy: [whispers] Yaaay!
[Twilight Sparkle]
It's time for us to come together
It's the only way that things will get better
Sorcerer: KILL IT WITH FIRE!
(Fast forwards)
Nighty: Everyone cleans up. Nothing really happened.
Pinkie Pie: This... looks... sooooo... GOOD!
Principal Celestia: [clapping] All right, everyone! Fall Formal is back on for this evening.
[students cheering]
Principal Celestia: So you'd better get out of here and start getting ready. Oh, and don't forget to cast your ballots for the Fall Formal Princess on your way out!
"Scott Green": You got my vote, Twilight.
"Cloudy Kicks": Mine, too!
Girl #2: Mine too!
Girl #3: Mine too!
All in unison: "We are not unique in any way."
Sunset Shimmer: You're lucky she was able to pull this off. Next time I ask you to make a mess of things, try to show a little restraint! I need this Formal to go on tonight just as much as she does.
Fluttershy: I still can't believe we pulled that off!
Rainbow Dash: I can! We're awesome!
Rarity: Enough chatter, girls. We need to get ready, and we need to look fabulous!
[All]
This is our big night
(Sorcerer prepares to kill himself with a fireball)
Sorcerer: Well, I can't come back from the dead if I don't want to!
Nighty: Wait! Just let us fast forward!
Sorcerer: Oh fine...
Flash Sentry: Uh, Twilight! Look, I know you said "no" about going to the Fall Formal with me, but would you reconsider and at least have one dance?
Twilight Sparkle: I didn't say "no"! I mean, I did, but... I didn't mean no, to you. I was... Well, what I mean is... yes. I'd love to dance with you!
[smack]
[rock music]
Twilight Sparkle: Anybody see Sunset Shimmer?
Rainbow Dash: Maybe she was too embarrassed to show! She's gotta know you won by a landslide!
Twilight Sparkle: Maybe...
Nighty: DON'T GET TOO COCKY STARFOX!
[music ends]
[cheering]
Principal Celestia: First off, I wanna say how wonderful everything looks tonight. You all did a magnificent job pulling things together after the unfortunate events of earlier. And now, without further ado, I'd like to announce the winner of this year's Fall Formal crown. The Princess of this year's Fall Formal is...
Sorcerer: TRIXIE!
Youtube Video
Principal Celestia:Twilight Sparkle!
Sorcerer: Oh...that works too...
[students cheering]
Principal Celestia: Congratulations, Twilight.
Spike: Twilight! Help!
Viridi: Oh! Who could've possibly seen this coming!
Twilight Sparkle: Spike?
Spike: [growling]
Twilight Sparkle: They've got Spike!
Sunset Shimmer: That's close enough!
Spike: Twilight!
Twilight Sparkle: Don't hurt him!
Sunset Shimmer: Oh, I wouldn't dream of it. I'm not a monster, Twilight.
Twilight: The real irony here is that she's about to transform into a monster.
[to Snips and Snails] Let him go. [to Twilight] You don't belong here. Give me the crown, and you can go back to Equestria tonight. Or keep it and never go home.
Twilight Sparkle: [gasp]
Sunset Shimmer: Tick-tock, Twilight. We haven't got all night. The portal will be closing on its own in less than an hour. So, what's your answer?
Twilight Sparkle: No.
Sunset Shimmer: What!? Equestria! Your friends! Lost to you forever! Don't you see what I'm about to do to the portal?!
All: THE HAMMER WOULD JUST FALL IN!
Twilight Sparkle: Yes, but I've also seen what you've been able to do here without magic. Equestria will find a way to survive without my Element of Harmony. This place might not, if I allow it to fall into your hands. So go ahead. Destroy the portal. You are not getting this crown!
Sunset Shimmer: Fine. You win.
Rainbow Dash: You... are... so awesome!
Applejack: I can't believe you were gonna do that for us!
Rarity: It's no wonder you're a real live princess!
Sunset Shimmer: Oh, yes, she's so very special! [to Snips and Snails] Grab him, you fools!
Spike: [whimpering]
Rainbow Dash: Spike! Spike! Fluttershy!
Sorcerer: "I'm a real boy!"
Sunset Shimmer: I'll take that! [chuckles evilly] At last! More power than I could ever imagine!
[students gasp]
[thunder rumbles]
Sunset Shimmer: [evil laughter]
Sorcerer: I have some things to do. Tell me when the Red Meanie gives back the Monkees' instruments.
(Sorcerer leaves the theater)
Main cast: [gasps]
Snips: This is gonna be so cool!
[students screaming]
Nighty: Never give two idiots gargoyle power.
Sunset Shimmer: I've had to jump through so many hoops tonight just to get my hands on this crown, and it really should have been mine all along. [growls] But let's let bygones be bygones. I am your princess now, and you will be loyal... to me!
[students screaming, Wilhelm scream]
[entranced moaning]
Twilight: Equestria will be no match for...teenagers...
Sunset Shimmer: [to Snips and Snails] Round them up and bring them to the portal. [to Twilight and friends] Spoiler alert: I was bluffing when I said I was going to destroy the portal. I don't want to rule this pathetic little high school; I want Equestria! And with my own little teenage army behind me, I am going to get it!
Viridi: Yeah...you got 3 allicorns waiting for you on the other side so...
[zombie-like moans]
Twilight Sparkle: No, you're not!
Sunset Shimmer: Oh, please! What exactly do you think you're going to do to stop me? I have magic, and you have nothing!
Rainbow Dash: She has us!
Viridi: AND THE REAL SUPERPOWER OF TEAMWORK!
Sunset Shimmer: [growls, evil laughter] Gee, the gang really is all back together again. [evil laughter] Now step aside! Twilight has tried to interfere with my plans one too many times already! She needs to be dealt with! [evil laughter] What!?
Nighty: At this point, Sunset Shimmer realized she was totally and utterly screwed.
Twilight Sparkle: The magic contained in my Element was able to unite with those that helped create it! [echoing] Honesty! Kindness! Laughter! Generosity! Loyalty! Magic! Together with a crown, they create a power beyond anything you could imagine, but it is a power you don't have the ability to control! The crown may be upon your head, Sunset Shimmer, but you cannot wield it, because you do not possess the most powerful magic of all: the magic of friendship!
All: TASTE THE POWER OF DEUS EX MACHINA!
Sunset Shimmer: No! [screaming] What is happening?!
Twilight Sparkle: Here and in Equestria, it is the only magic that can truly unite us all!
Twilight Sparkle: You will never rule in Equestria. Any power you may have had in this world is gone. Tonight, you've shown everyone who you really are. You've shown them what is in your heart.
Nighty: We're getting to Kingdom Hearts levels of narm...
Sunset Shimmer: [crying] I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't know there was another way.
Twilight Sparkle: The magic of friendship doesn't just exist in Equestria. It's everywhere. You can seek it out, or you can forever be alone. The choice is yours.
Viridi: Forever alone....
Sunset Shimmer: But... But all I've ever done since being here is drive everyone apart. I don't know the first thing about friendship.
Twilight Sparkle: I bet they can teach you.
Spike: Those are my girls! Woo-hoo!
Twilight: "Hey look! That's Phil's boy!"
"Brawly Beats": Did that dog just talk? Whoa. Weird.
Spike: Seriously? The talking dog is a weird thing about all this?
Rarity: I, for one, think you're adorable.
Spike: Oh, yeah.
Sorcerer: I'm back! And....suddenly Spike is....having pleasure...
Principal Celestia: I believe this belongs to you. A true princess in any world leads not by forcing others to bow before her, but by inspiring others to stand with her. We have all seen that you are capable of just that. I hope you see it too, Princess Twilight.
Twilight Sparkle: I do.
[crowd cheers]
Flash Sentry: Would now be a completely awkward time to ask you for that dance?
All: Yes!
Twilight Sparkle: [giggles]
[All]
This is our big night
Sorcerer: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!
Nighty: Blah blah blah dancing and we cut to Twilight leaving.
Twilight: You'll look out for her, won't you?
Rarity: Of course we will. Although I do expect some sort of apology for last spring's debacle.
Twilight Sparkle: I have a feeling she'll be handing out a lot of apologies.
Sorcerer: Except in Rainbow Rocks she becomes one of the best characters and everyone starts shipping TwilightxSunset
Twilight: WHAAAAT!?
Spike: We better get going.
Twilight Sparkle: I know we've only been friends for a short time, but I'm gonna miss all of you so much. [sigh]
Spike: That crown really does suit you, Princess Twilight.
Twilight Sparkle: You know what, Spike? I am starting to feel a little more comfortable wearing it.
Spike: And the wings?
Twilight Sparkle: I've been walking on two legs and picking things up with these! Wings? I'm thrilled that's all I'll be dealing with back in Equestria!
[thud]
Pinkie Pie: Oh, bummer!
Fluttershy: Twilight!
Rainbow Dash: Ah, you're back!
Sorcerer: "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO COME BACK!?"
Rarity: You've got your crown!
Pinkie Pie: I knew you could do it!
Applejack: Oh, we were so worried.
Nighty: They really weren't.
Princess Celestia: Sunset Shimmer, is she alright?
Twilight Sparkle: I think she's gonna be fine. I left her in good hands.
Rainbow Dash: What are hands?
Fluttershy: Where did you stay?
Rarity: What did they wear?
Pinkie Pie: Did ya have fun?
Applejack: What'd ya eat?
Rainbow Dash: Would ya say she's just as awesome as me?
Viridi: "SHUT! UP! SHUT UP! OH MY GODDESS I DON'T CARE!"
Twilight Sparkle: [sigh] I wanna tell you all everything, I do, but I'm just so exhausted from all the dancing.
Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, Princess Cadance: Dancing?!
Twilight Sparkle and Flash Sentry: Oh.
Flash Sentry: We've got to stop bumping into each other like this.
All except Twilight: EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE!
Twilight Sparkle: Who was that?
Princess Cadance: He's a new member of the castle guard. Flash Sentry, I think. Why? Do you know him?
Twilight Sparkle: Not exactly.
Applejack: Oooh! Somepony's got a crush on the new guy!
Twilight Sparkle: No. No, I don't.
Viridi: It's too cheesy! I can't take it!
Rarity: [gasp] She does! She absolutely does!
Twilight Sparkle: Don't be ridiculous. I don't even know him. He just...
Pinkie Pie: Totally reminds you of a guy you met in the other world who played guitar, was in a band, and helped prove you didn't destroy all the decorations for a big dance, so you could still run for princess of the big dance, and then asked you to dance at that dance?! [big breath] Right?
Twilight Sparkle: How did you know that?
Pinkie Pie: Just a hunch!
Sorcerer: R.I.P. Fourth Wall
[credits]
(All leave the theater)
Nighty: So, what were you doing?
Sorcerer: Oh, I killed Celestia.
Twilight: You WHAT!? I don't believe you!
Sorcerer: Oh really? I already buried her...ashes. And I took care of your other princesses too! Oh don't worry. I just locked them up along with your little friends!
Twilight: No...no...
Nighty: I knew you could do it, honey.
Viridi: It's about time!
Twilight: How....how could you?
Sorcerer: Thanks gals! And now allow me to take you all on a tour of the new and improved Equestria! Nighty, could you release the doors? We're not in space anymore...
Nighty: Oh! Yes. But how did you get out?
Sorcerer: The magic disabler was offline since we crash landed.
Twilight: WHAT!?
Sorcerer: Oh don't worry! Your cage is still online!
Twilight: How were you even able to kill Celestia?
Sorcerer: I'll explain it in the Xenologue that may or may not happen.
Twilight:....what?
Sorcerer: Now...let me introduce you to....SORCERERLAND!
(Sorcerer dances out while Nighty and Viridi follow him while Twilight is held in a cage)
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Sorcerer (singing): Listen close! Your thought on reality will slip away!
Nighty and Viridi: Slip away! Slip away!
Sorcerer: You'll watch me and this big wide world I made!
(Sorcerer teleports Billy Joel to sing with him.)
Sorcerer and Billy: Listen up, girl! We've got a treat for you! Believe it and you'll find that it's all true!
(Sorcerer teleports multiple characters to join them)
Trixie: Sorry, Sparkle, but we've got the world in our control!
James Bond: Madam, we must tell you...
Scrooge McDuck: That you've just took the toll!
King Arthur and Brave Sir Robin: You love this place but you'll have to let it go!
The Black Knight: The truth may hurt!
Killer Bunny: SQUEAK SQUEAK! (But we think you should know!)
Sorcerer and Billy: We've got to...
Trixie, James Bond, Sorcerer, Billy and Scrooge McDuck: Tell you about it!
The Monty Python Gang: (Tell her about it.)
(Twilight looks astonished as she's being taken down a Disneyland-like amusement park lane with rides at every corner based off of Sorcerer's favorite franchises of media.)
Wheatley: It's like a dream that is real!
GLaDOS: (Such a crazy dream!)
The Royal Guard: It's medicine but at the same time...
Queen Chrysalis with backup Changelings: It's a three course meal!
Deadpool: I'll tell you about it...(or something)
Link: HYEAH HYEAH HYEAH: (It's as awesome as it seems!)
Palutena, Hades and Viridi: Once you look at the positives, you know how much it means!
Professor Layton: Listen m'girl, the puzzle is very simple to me.
Phoenix Wright: We're living in a world of pure insanity.
Maya, Mia, Trucy, Kay, Franziska, Ema and Athena: (Pure insanity!)
Edgeworth: Embrace the things you've seen along this tour!
Godot, Shelly DeKiller and Apollo Justice: (Seen along this tour!)
Kermit the Frog: And then you will be reassured!
Other Muppets: (Reassured)
Shrek and Mozart: We'll tell you about it!
NiGHTS and Reala: Though you're magic impaired.
Chuck Norris: Accept this is his monarchy...
Fox: And you'll be more prepared
Mr. Incredible: We'll tell you about it!
Fawful and Cackletta: There's no reason to leave!
Princess Shroob and Bowser: Your land is gone but we're not wrong that Sorcerer will succeed!
(Twilight arrives at a Sleeping Beauty Castle-like structure and Sorcerer is standing on top of it with a microphone with Billy Joel)
Sorcerer and Billy (in harmony): So now then! No need to worry about how my rule will go along! I've taken over this whole world and I'm ruling it in song!
Dr Drakken and Doofenshmirtz: Praise that king! He's come through and he's made no mistakes!
Sora Donald and Goofy: This world's brand new
The IRS: So go and get the rakes....
Little Twelvetoes: You won't get it back, no matter what you do!
Dante, Tron Bonne, Servebots and Mega Man: We sympathize. We've been through this too.
Sonic, Eggman and Bubsy: Ooh-Ooh!
(Sorcerer and Billy begin to walk down from the castle)
Chorus: We'll tell you about it!
Sorcerer and Billy: It's like a dream that is real! Yeah! Yeah! Woo! Hoo!
(Twilight looks in horror as Sorcerer dances in his new kingdom)
End Credits
