Shining Armor Ventures Into the Unknown

by Sailor_Pluto

Rating: everyone
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Random, Shining Armor, Princess Celestia, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance
Length: 1005

Shining Armor is forced to complete a treacherous quest.

Shining Armor and his family live in a quaint little village called “Equestria”. It was near perfect. There were never any strange diseases, the houses were spacious (and air conditioned!), and there was never a shortage of supplies.

But, there’s one thing: when a man reaches a certain age, he is forced to perform a difficult test. If he fails, he is exiled.

It’s Shining Armor’s time to take the test. It will be the hardest thing he’s ever done.

Published 2015-05-30 23:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-30 23:00:01 UTC

The Only Chapter This Story Needs

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Night Light asked his son.

Shining nodded. “I’m sure.”

Velvet bit her lip as a single tear escaped her eye. “Are you ready for this, Shiny?”

He took a deep breath, then nodded again. “I’m ready.”

His parents gave him a hug, then walked away, leaving him alone with his sister.

Twilight wrung her hands as she fought back tears, then she lunged forward and wrapped her brother in the biggest hug in the world. “Good luck, BBBFF.”

He could feel his own eyes start to mist over, but he squeezed them shut. “Thank you, Twiley.”

When she finally let go, he turned and grabbed the rope to the attic. When he pulled on it, a cloud of dust and dead bugs assaulted the two.

Twilight coughed. “Oh my god. Mom and Dad don’t mess around.” she gave her brother one final hug, then turned and walked down the hallway. She stopped at the top of the stairs, turned, waved, and continued downward.

Shining turned back to look at the attic shaft, which still had some lingering dust. He waved his hand around, hoping to clear some of it, then pulled the foldable ladder down.

When he ascended, he noticed two things: one, his parents were absolute hoarders, and two, some of the stuff up there might have been the reason his dad was admitted to a mental hospital back in 09.

When he was fully in the attic, he sat down and tried to think. Okay, if I were to pass this test, where would I look first? He glanced at a large trunk that was fairly near him.

He stood up and walked over to it. Alright. Let’s see what my parents have to hide.

He opened it. Okay…books. Not scary. Old night gown. Not scary. Loose toenails…that’s kind of scary.

Realizing the trunk had a false bottom, he pried it open.

And was met with a sight of pure terror.

“AAAAAUUUGGGGHHH!!!”

***

As Shining’s family and the royals of Equestria sat in the living room, a scream ripped through the air.

Luna laughed. Celestia gave her sister a look. Cadance twirled her fingers in her lap. “Is this necessary? It sounds like he’s in trouble…”

Celestia dismissed this with a wave of her hand. “He’ll be fine.”

***

Shining finished screaming after a good ten minutes, then stared down at the monstrosity.

A collection of old, musty, moth-eaten bras.

Shining gagged and slammed the lid down.

Dad, you are such a perv…

He turned from the trunk and headed towards some boxes that were stacked against the back wall. He grabbed one from the top and ripped the tape off of it.

Let’s see here…old gift cards…nope. Headbands…no. Sawblades… Sweet Celestia, what kind of people did my parents use to be?

***

“Ten minutes until sunset.” Luna said, looking at her watch. “As you all know, the test ends at sunset.”

Velvet nodded. “Yes. Yes, we know.”

Cadance started playing with her hair. “He’s been awfully quiet…”

Celestia shook her head. “Sounds like someone has a crush!”

Cadance’s cheeks turned crimson. “What? No, I don’t, really….”

Celestia laughed. “But really though, he’ll be fine.”

***

Shining finally cleared away all the boxes from the wall. “Woah. There was a window here?”

He wiped away the thick layer of dust and dirt from the window. “Ahh, it’s almost sunset. Good…”

He turned away from the window…

And found himself looking directly in the face of a large, dust-covered man.

“H-hello?” Shining cautiously took a step forward. “N-nice old, crusty, possibly naked weirdo who’s hiding in my parents’ attic…”

The man roared.

Shining let out another girly scream and punched the guy in the face, then took off running to the opposite side of the attic and hid behind a table. What...the...HELL?! What is that guy even DOING up here?!

***

“A little less than a minute until the sunset.” Luna said. “I’m surprised that he hasn’t failed yet...you all did store all of that random junk up there specifically for this day, didn’t you?”

Velvet and Night Light nodded. “My parents did that for me,” Night explained. “So I felt that I should do the same.”

Velvet laughed a little. “I’m so glad that the females of Equestria don’t have to do something like this when they turned twenty-one…”

Night shook his head. “Lucky bastards…”

“Ten seconds to sunset. Nine...eight...seven…”

Everyone began chanting with Luna. “Six...five...four...three...two...one...the test is over!”

For the longest time, no one made any noise.

“Is...is he…?” Cadance put her hands to her mouth.

"He's just exploring his parents' attic, Cadance." Luna muttered. "I'm pretty sure he's not dead."

With that, Shining came tumbling down the stairs. "M-MAN!" He shrieked. "T-THERE WAS A MAN UP THERE! H-HE...HE...HE ROARED AT ME!!!"

Night gasped. "You found Billy-Bob?!"

Velvet stared at him, eyes half-lidded. "...What?"

"Billy-Bob was a friend from college. We lived in the same fraternity."

"And...why is he in our attic?"

"Geez, woman! To I have to explain everything?"

Celestia coughed, then stepped forward. "Congratulations, Shining Armor! You have passed the test!"

"Damn right he did!" Night cheered. "That's my son! Taking after his old man!"

"Night Light..." Velvet face palmed. "You had to retake the test eight times. I know because I was there for all of them."

"...Right. Ahem...moving on..."

***

A week after Shining took the test, a large banquet was held in his honor. All of Equestria (which was NOT a lot) attended. And, you know, Billy-Bob came too. There, Shining proposed to Cadance.

This test thing didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would. Shining thought as he danced with his fiance. I'm glad that this happened.

"You know..." Luna said as she sipped her wine. "I'm pretty sure Billy-Bob hasn't had the Attic-Test yet..."

Author's Note

Hey, this is Sailor_Pluto! Thanks for reading Shining Armor Ventures Into The Unknown!

I may to a sequel with Billy-Bob...