Aperture Science Prepetual Testing Initiative: "Pony" Universe

by EverSoNitro

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 770

Recordings from the Equestrian Aperture Science

In an on-going effort to better understand the multiverse, we at Aperture Science have sent test subjects to many different universes to collect information on alternate versions of our facility.

The following is a collection of recordings from what we have dubbed the "Pony" Universe, an alternate universe where ponies have become the dominant species on Earth, as opposed to humans.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-18 15:45:32 UTC

Transmission Recordings

APERTURE SCIENCE PREPETUAL TESTING INITIATIVE MULTI-UNIVERSAL RESEARCH LOG: FIRST CHAMBER IN “PONY” UNIVERSE

TRANSMISSION START

“Cave Johnson here: Greg here has just informed me that our cross-dimensional security grid has been tripped. Now, we’ve all been around here long enough to know what that means: that damn hyper pink pony managed to worm her way through our security systems. AGAIN. Apparently relocating to the exact center of the Everfree Forest and surrounding the whole place with Manticores and Cockatrices and dragons and all other manner of monsters didn’t seem to dissuade her, so remember, any test subjects that spot a pink earth pony on the testing tracks should report her to your test supervisor immediately. Also, despite what you may hear, we are NOT offering cake at the end of testing. Cake isn’t science. Science is science.”

TRANSMISSION END

APERTURE SCIENCE PREPETUAL TESTING INITIATIVE MULTI-UNIVERSAL RESEARCH LOG: SECOND CHAMBER IN “PONY” UNIVERSE

TRANSMISSION START

“Chariots chariots. Did I here that right? Dragons? Hey, test subject, maybe you might wanna slip away from the test for a minute and see if you can’t snag one of those dragons for us over at Earth Prime. Seems like it might make a good pet or somethi-“

A muffled voice is heard in the background.

“What, really? But come on, it’s a god-damned dragon!”

A muffled, stern voice is heard in the background.

“*Sighing* Alright, fine. Greg says we can’t do that. Dragons are too big to bring between universes, and could result in tearing apart the multiverse. I think he just hates fun. Well, whatever, if you happen to see a dragon egg or a baby dragon or a… midget dragon kicking around the testing tracks, scoop it up for me, would ya? Chariots chariots.”

TRANSMISSION END

APERTURE SCIENCE PREPETUAL TESTING INITIATIVE MULTI-UNIVERSAL RESEARCH LOG: THIRD CHAMBER IN “PONY” UNIVERSE

TRANSMISSION START

“Cave Johnson here. A reminder to you pegasi that inexplicably signed up for the ground trials: flying is prohibited! It’s bad enough that you’re lording your wings over all us ground-bound Earth ponies, but all that flying is screwing with our statistics, and frankly, it’s cheesing me off. Any more of that and I’m busting out the Aperture Science Aviation Discouragement Bindings. By which I mean the belts. And I’ll make sure they’re damn tight. Oh, and remember to report any Pinkie sightings. Cave out.”

TRANSMISSION END

APERTURE SCIENCE PREPETUAL TESTING INITIATIVE MULTI-UNIVERSAL RESEARCH LOG: FOURTH CHAMBER IN “PONY” UNIVERSE

TRANSMISSION START

“Cave here. Greg has just reminded me that Princess Celestia’s annual inspection is going to be taking place tomorrow, so you lab unicorns working on cracking open that statue should just stop what you’re doing and… I dunno, throw a towel over him or something. Celestia doesn’t need to know that we’ve got Discord, and she doesn’t need to know that we’re doing research into Chaos magic. We’ll be in real hot water if she finds out, and not just because water boils really, REALLY fast on the sun. Though mostly because of that.”

TRANSMISSION END

APERTURE SCIENCE PREPETUAL TESTING INITIATIVE MULTI-UNIVERSAL RESEARCH LOG: FIFTH CHAMBER IN “PONY” UNIVERSE

TRANSMISSION START

“Attention test subjects. We still haven’t gotten any reports of any sightings of Pinkie Pie. So, a quick reminder that anypony hiding her will be fired. So, anyone with any information regarding her whereabouts should-“

“Hi everypony! Pinkie Pie here! I thought I’d make this testing more fun, so I’ve hidden cake in all the test chambers! And offices! And generator rooms, and research labs, and-“

The sounds of scuffling, angry shouting, and giggling are heard in the background.

“Cave here. Alright, I’m gonna need you all to find those cakes. We don’t need mouldy cake stinking up the whole facility. But don’t eat it. Eat it and you’re fired.”

TRANSMISSION END

APERTURE SCIENCE PREPETUAL TESTING INITIATIVE MULTI-UNIVERSAL RESEARCH LOG: FORTY-SEVENTH CHAMBER IN PRIME UNIVERSE

TRANSMISSION START

“Chariots chariots. We just brought you back to Earth Prime while we’re working on getting you to another universe, we don’t need you playing clean-up crew for a bunch of pastel ponies. Not on our time. So, just sit tight, we should have you in another universe by the time you finish this-“

“Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie! You look just like that meanie pants Cave, but if he were a big pink monkey thing!”

“What the- Greg! What happened?”

A muffled, confused sounding voice is heard in the background, accompanied by laughter and rummaging noises.

“What the hell do you mean you don’t know? Whatever, let’s just- Hey! You, don’t touch-“

TRANSMISSION END