The Great and Powerful Hitmare

by The Cynical Brony

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Adventure, Twilight Sparkle, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Changelings, Original Character, Trixie, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis
Length: 1292

After the events of Magic Duel, while Trixie has her new-found friendships, she still doesn't have a job. Well, when the world gets tough, get tougher. With the recent rise of firearms and conflicts between ponies, being a killer is good business...

A request from gearsofsolitude. Set before and during Teaching An Earth Pony To Fly, but reading that story is not required.

The world is growing older, and ponies are growing cynical and vengeful. In this age of increased violence and hatred, killing is a good source of income for a former performer. Trixie, despite having new friends, is still broke. With the rise of guns and swords, Trixie becomes a hitmare to keep a stable income. She's pulled a few small jobs, but nothing like her most recent contract. Her job? Kill the queen of the Changelings in their home country. With a choice between five hundred thousand bits, being killed and replaced by a changeling, or facing the wrath of her insane employer, this is going to be a difficult job.
NOTE: I do not own the cover art. It will be removed if requested.

Edited by the fantastic AlicornPriest!

Published 2015-05-31 16:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-31 16:10:02 UTC

Prologue: Pop Goes The Weasel

The air was cold this Winter, especially from the high towers of Canterlot. No-one suspected a thing as they all scurried around the capital, all trying to get last minute Hearths Warming gifts before time ran out. Trixie took a breath and steadied herself, making sure the rifle was still as it pointed into the castle. It was almost time for a certain stuck-up prince to trot right into her sights. Prince Blueblood, the poster child of what ponies were starting to become: Stuck up, arrogant, ungrateful pricks needing a bullet in their brains. To be quite frank, she was about to shoot a man in cold blood, and NO ONE would care about his death. Whether this was hilarious or sad depends on how jaded you are to the world. Oh, here he comes!

***

He carried himself like he was the most respected pony in the world. Funny when you consider that not even his own aunt, the GOD OF EQUESTRIA, liked the little bastard. As he approached the room full of solders, he smirked. He was about to insult everything they stood for and loved, and they couldn't do a thing because he was a prince. "Hello, earth pony scum! How has the mud been underneath my hooves?" He grinned, the earth pony soldiers looking like they'd like to shoot him right now. Blueblood turned to the pegasi. "Oh, and how have the flying mud ponies been? Enjoying bowing down to even the most powerless race's demands?" The military discipline in the soldiers was on display as not one of them flew up to him and pushed him off the balcony. Lastly, he turned to the unicorns. "Ah, the master race. It's a shame that you're all inferior to the great and powerful Blueblo-"

Bang! Splat!

"Hooray!"

***

Huh, turns out his blood wasn't blue. Poor name, but Trixie had seen worse. "Well, Sergeant, it's unbelievable that you would shoot the prince," Trixie said to her fall-man. Flash Sentry had wide eyes as Lulamoon pushed him up to the balcony and put the rifle in his hooves. The former show-mare untied the knot the kept him still. "If Trixie were you, she'd start running. Nobody liked him, but it is still a murder." She gave him a quick smile before teleporting away.
"Well, fuck." Was all Flash could say before he started running as fast as he could, running right into the guards.

Three Days Later...

"Flash Sentry given death sentence for the murder of Prince Blueblood! In other news, mass parties and celebrations of both Flash Sentry and Prince Blueblood's deaths continue going strong, with Princess Twilight Sparkle and the Elements of Harmony attending one such party..." Trixie smiled at that. Two ponies that were so hated, everyone was happy that they were dead. And she got paid for it! This is the highlife, and even if she didn't get the spotlight as much, there were still technically thousands of ponies appreciating her work. But, the parties weren't what surprised her the most this time. It was the pony who gave her the assignment: Captain Shining Armor. Yep, even his commander wanted these two dead, no matter how it was done as long as they were the only losses (though the idea of framing Flash was her idea). This had also been the most she ever made on a single case: 250,000 bits. Hell, she could retire from the money she made on this job alone!
Trixie moved over to her window. She had a relatively large apartment in Manehatten, with TVs (by far one of the most fascinating devices she's ever seen), some seats, a nice kitchen, living room, and her bedroom. Behind her trophy stand was a secret room, the armory. Nothing but the best for the "Great and Powerful" hitmare.

Knock-Knock-Knock!

Trixie was startled at first, but then narrowed her eyes. She grabbed her pistol from the armory and hid it underneath her cape. She wasn't exactly sure why she kept the silly thing, it would only hamper her mobility on the job, but nostalgia blinds everyone at some point, I suppose. If it was a Filly Scout, maybe they'll learn that she doesn't want their fucking cookies after she shot at them. If it was an officer, well, they wouldn't appreciate a gun in their face very much. If it was a goon, no big deal. As she grasped the door in her magic, she took a breath. She then sent the door flying open, swerving the pistol around as she looked for whoever knocked. It was only then that she realized that she might be overreacting, and probably just traumatized some little children. After scanning her doorway once more, she turned around and got a baseball bat the head for her troubles.

Bonk!
***

Trixie woke up in a big black bag. "Am I d-dead?!" she thought to herself. Her fears were gone when the bag was ripped off, letting her see light. However, new fears came up when a figure slowly trotted up with a gun at the ready, pointing it at her head. Just as the barrel reached the point where her forehead and horn met, the figure stopped and started laughing. After the flashes stopped, she could she the outline of the figure clearly. The pony was clearly... an Alicorn?! Just as she was about to question it, the figure spoke.
"You're a difficult mare to find, Ms. Lulamoon." The pony had a slight southern drawl, but a much more noticeable soft British accent. It was kind of a combination of Rarity and Applejack's accents if they were watered down a bit. The figure moved the light, now allowing for a much better look at him. He had a brown coat of fur, a blond mane and blond tail, and teal, lizard-like eyes. He was wearing a black vest with a red tie over it, a black cape that loosely resembled hers, two boots, and a watch. However, the most striking thing was that he appeared to have both wings and a horn, but the wings looked off somehow. The pony noticed Trixie's confusion. "Oh, these are fake, but they do let me fly. They also make for good swords... wait, I'm getting off topic." He shook his mouth, and glared at her. "I've seen your work. It's quite fun to watch recordings of your... cases, let's say." Trixie was starting to get impatient.
"What do you want with Trixie?" she demanded, not caring about this clown's gun.
He actually looked slightly offended. "Fine, I won't sing your praise. Jerk." He moved down and looked her in the eye. "Cutting to the chase, I want you to kill Queen Chrysalis." Lulamoon's eyes shot up in surprise. Take on an entire army because some punk wants her to?! Hell no! Trixie will not lower herself to such idiotic-
"I'll pay you 500,000 bits for it." Was she saying something about idiotic ideas? This is a great idea!
"Trixie will only agree on three conditions." She said, clearly catching her captor's intrigue.
"Let's here them."
"First, Trixie wishes to be able to kill her with her own weapons. Trixie will not do the job otherwise." Her captor looked disappointed, but nodded.
"Second, Trixie wants the necessary supplies to make it to the Badlands. Water, food, and 500 bits." He agreed to it.
"Lastly, what is your name? Trixie refuses to serve an anonymous employer." He hesitated, but nodded.
"Call me Cynical, the king of the Manehatten mafia!" He yelled cackling. Over dramatic much?

Author's Note

Two stories in 24 hours, it's a happy day!
Also, as an explanation: Retirement simply costs less in Equestria.

Chapter 1: Bits, Bullets, and Bribes

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.