Hard Court Press

And The Winner Is?

Spike was again sitting on a train on his way to Canterlot , Belching out a morning scroll at the breakfast table was a
sure sign of trouble, But surely not for him as he had a big bag o bits from his lady to settle a royal gambling debt.

"Ok Twilight what have you done now? Turn Butters into as sapient smear of goo on the south wall of the cafeteria?" He mused
"How bad can it be? She gets drunk he makes his move and they get lucky, Or he gets a lecture on the social dynamics of the opposite sex".

With the thought of his own lectures with Twilight about his relationship with Rarity rolling about in his noggin Spike came to one,
two or maybe three conclusions, one Butters suffered a fate worse than a wilted lovers rose and failed to rise to the occasion or
two she bored him to an untimely coma with a full blown lecture, slide show and a finishing oral examination from a very frustrated
Twilight 'I need it now' Sparkle. If the concert didn't work surely Lunas liquor cabinet and a few stiff belts would do the job.
But conclusion number three stood out, Both tab A and Slot B needed a push in the right direction to make two shy ponies into a
Twilight Butter Sparkle Cup. Spike faceclawed "Twilight Butter Sparkle Cup? Sounds like something Pinkie Pie would think of".

Spike sat looking out of the train cars window at nothing in particular, time moving along just as slow as the steaming locomotive
covering the tracks tac tick tac tick tac tick tac tick his eyelids grew heavy - tac tick - soon he was lost in pleasant dreams - tac tick.

"You smell like Moldy hay and garbage dripping with dragon perspiration, Oh Spikey Wikey I don't know what to say, such a
generous gift, You're the rampaging dragon, You're my hero Spikey" His dreams continued "With you always by my side your
constant praise and adoration . . ." Spike shuttered at the thought of Raritys close call with dark magic " Spikey come here".

The smile grew on the sleeping drakes snout dreams that would cause a fic to reach a mature rating, his dreaming continued
"Aw come Twilight, Twilight I was only doing what came natural and what's so bad about it ? It's not like I'll be finding a
lady dragon hanging around here anytime soon or at all for that matter".

"Spike that's not the point I'm your benefactor your guardian and when it hits the newspapers that your foaling around with
an Element of Harmony. Don't you think it could be a scandal of celestial proportions, It could take down the whole kingdom!"

"Ah Twilight it's not like I can knock her up or cause her any other problems what's the big deal? besides I'm her favorite dragon".

"Spike you're Equestrias only dragon".

"Well duh".

Spikes dream flowed like a babbling brook "Oh Spikey those claws of yours are driving me crazy"
with a few stones "What did I ever see in Trenderhoof? Precious Scales take me now!"
and a frog "eat your heart out Prince Blue Blood I got mine!"
and a water bug "Twilight please Spikey and I will conduct ourselves as any other ordinary couple discrete quiet and out of the public eye".
all growing like a tempest in a tea pot brewing to overflowing "Spikey I'm with foal"

"Yeah right nice prank did Rainbow put you up to this?"

"Spikey I'm carrying your foal".

"Really, No fooling?"

"Yes my dear".

"Wow that's awesome I'm really happy but. . ."

"Yes Precious Scales?"

"What will Twilight think?"

"Oh dear".

"That'll be future Spikes problem the now Spike feels pretty good, how?"

"You surely helped my dearest, now about Twilight. . ."

"I would say with Twilight you got off lucky young drake!" a set of blue eyes invaded Spikes dream "Did you bring the bits lady Rarity
owes me for the wager lost?" Luna spoke with playful tone "my are you not the romantic type, perfect for the Element of Generosity".

Even in his dream he blushed like a sunburnt colt "Lucky? You didn't get to clean the castle for a month after Twilight had her
tizzy fit when she learned what we did, she flipped the whole castle. But it was worth every broom and washcloth she threw at me".

"You didn't have to deal with Princes Twilights dream world of panic attacks, compulsive obsessions and her strange fear of cheese.

"Point taken, So now that we're talking here what's up?"

"How can I put this. . ."

"Twilights got a problem with butt. . ?"

"Twilights fine".

"She didn't lecture him?"

"She did and for quite a length of time".

"I can see where this is going".

"You can?"

"Yeah, Twilight will ask if Butters had any clue to the social dynamics of an interpersonal relationship and the paring of species
through the complex nonverbal and even more complex verbal communication between the sexes providing the proper context of
procreation of offspring with a life long commitment of mates or the cultural differences impacting the kingdom when a reigning
monarch takes on a less than noble ranking male as a consort or she could of asked him if he snores in bed, farts and has bad breath,
other than that I got nothing".

"You are close master Spike".

"What ? The relationship stuff?"

"No the 'got nothing' part, We searched the entire castle Sergeant Buttercup is AWOL".

Spike put is best foot forward thinking how to fix Twilights dating problem and settle the debt his lady had with the two Princesses.

"I think I can fix things here , How about double or nothing ? Twilight and Butters to third base in a day or double your bits?"

"I shall take that wager on behalf of the kingdom".

-----------------------------------------O.O--------------------------------------

Rarity toiled with her consignments at the boutique as Night Frost and Sweetie occupied the two pongons with their daily
regiment of learning, fun and anything else to keep them out of Moms mane. Work was still a staple of her life even with the added
pressure of the twins, a dead line looming and the protection of all Equestria sometimes on a moments notice.
she beamed a confident smile in her zone as it existed, her clawed hooves buzzing along.

...................................................>.<................................................

From the station Spike waddled along the cobble stone roads of Canterlot with no wasted steps like a missile launched
from a siege engine he moved along at breakneck speed. With bitts on the line he had to get the ball rolling. and rolling fast.
Sergeant Buttercup the sniveling coward scared of a lonely horny winged little bitty book horse was in this dragons aim to please.
Who'd a thought of having to pimp out an Equestrian Royal Princess let alone 'Thee Princess or Friendship' no less.

.....................................................O.o......................................................

Rarity fell to the floor with a loud thud her breaths shallow and raked with pain she rolled into a ball gripping her
barrel, It felt like a drop kick from AJ or a sonic rainboom to the gut, Rarity grunted looking about for help but seeing nopony in
the room she brought out her inner dragon.

At the rear of the boutique Night Frost and Sweetie where pongon sitting when a dragons roar exploded in the sewing room.
Sweetie leapt into action as Frosty held the young mare back fearing the worst, a dragon attack.
"That's my sister you stupid lug" as she put the twins in the steel barred crib with the special fire proofed blankies. racing out
to where Rarity worked.

..............................................................>.O......................................................

Spike stopped at the front of the barracks of the EUP entry depot where every new recruit looked the same.
The same head covers the same mane the same uniform, nopony knows your name. Just the place where free grub was a guarantee
and a perfect place to blend in. almost.
Spike strolled in to the mess and right up to the head cook the same guy who long ago caught Shining Armor pilfering cake in
the wee hours of the evening with the only dragon allowed in the Royal Mess Hall.

"Well if it isn't Spike, long time no see. How are you and Captain Shining doing?" cinders from his cigar floating into the oatmeal.

"Hay Top Knot, The whole families doing good, real good just Shines little sis has a little guy problem" Spike scanned the mess floor
"You didn't see ol Butters in here? Ya know 'Stumpy?"

"What? Stumpy having problems, When has Stumpy not have a problem". His speech adding more cigar flavoring to the oatmeal.

"Well I'm trying to hookem up. You know Princess Twilight and Sergeant Buttercup. I got a few bits riding on it".

"A few bits, what's a few?"

"Double then what my wife lost, About twenty thousand. . ."

"A wife, where did you find the time for a Misses Dragon around here?" the cigar then flavored the greens and grits.

"Oh you didn't hear? That Mrs. Thee Dragon is the one and only Element of Generosity, Rarity - she's the famous fashion designer".

"Is she good?" Top Knot gave the drake a friendly nudge in the arm.

"Good enough to be the mother of my foals"

"No, I didn't think that was possible, You lucky dragon you, congratulations!"

"Thanks Top now we got to find Stumpy and do the same with him".

.....................................................O,O...................................................

Sweetie found Rarity unconscious on the floor behind her sewing machine wisps of smoke puffing lightly as she
laid in a ball of fur and scales, The young mare checked her sisters condition. She was alive but something was terribly wrong.

"Does she normally smoke like that?"

"Of course not" A green stink eye answered along with "go get help, I'll do what I can". A serious Sweetie is a dangerous Sweetie.

The thestral launched out the door taking flight on leathery wings in search of help as Sweetie did what Sweetie did best. Worry.

......................................................-,-.........................................................

Chaos erupted in the Mess Hall as the traitor was ferreted out in a mock drill as the recruits pulled the odd
unicorn out by the scruff of the neck and laid him out on the floor under the watchful eyes and cigar of the Top Knot.

"Sergeant you'd better lay it out straight or so help me that Princess of yours will get herself a gelding for Hearths Warming Eve".

"The lectures, the three by five cards, the dry jargon, the crazy look in her eyes, no Royal Guard training can prepare you for that!"

Top Knot snuffed out his cigar and with one sweep of his hooves picked up a cleaver and slammed it down in front of Stumpy
the sharp edge driven into the hard oak chopping block like tofu. Butters was sweating or was he melting?

"I can add to that silly nick name of yours but it wont be associated with your horn or you can be a gentlecolt and take Spike and
Shineys sweet nice little sister out, If not you wont be needing 'IT' anyways, Got it Sergeant Stumpy?"
Top Knot pulled out a fresh cigar lit it on the cooking fire, eyed Butters and took a long drag smiling his trademarked menacing smile.

..........................................................>.>.......................................................

Rarity laid in her bed unable to move the once red silk sheets and comforter replaced with white hospital sheeting,
IV bottles hung on a rack as a medical team tried to stabilize her condition. Apple Jack and Rainbow rearranged the room so the
doctors could have more room to work. Pinkie stayed with the twins keeping her attention from the room next door while
Fluttershy mixed herbs and roots for her sick friend against the Doctors advice.

Scootaloo and Apple Bloom sat with Sweetie Belle listening to the others tending to her big sister. They sadly pondered on
the fate of the Dragon Lady of Ponyville and if word was fast enough to get to Spike and Twilight, a shadow of helplessness
fell over the three as the time passed.

...........................................................<.<..........................................................

Spike escorted the timid unicorn through the castle library keeping a sharp eye out for Twilight if he was to get his bits back
the plan had to work without a flaw. Knowing Twilight he had just moments to hop to it before she realized that it was not as
complicated as she thought it was.

"Spike are you sure your plan will work?"

"Only if you do as I said and not chicken out".

There she was dead ahead right where Spike thought she would , the private reading room, quiet, cozy, with adjustable blinds and
a locking door. Time for the plan, Step one.

........................................................o,O........................................................

Rarity roared aloud with green flames the Doctors scrambled as the fire filled the room Apple Jack and Rainbow Dash
smiled nervously down at the form in the sheets the Dragon Lady of Ponyville was no more.

............................................................T,T.........................................................

The last thing Spike saw was Twilight using her magic to push him out of the reading room and secure it from prying eyes,
The plan was simple get Princess Twilight Sparkle AKA the Virgin Princess and Sergeant Buttercup AKA the Virgin nerd to do what
comes natural no books no fear just a simple plan.
Step one was a piece of cake! What couldn't be any simpler? Anypony can do it especially when threatened by dear ol Top Knot.
Butters just placed both hooves on either side of Twilights muzzle and just mashed his lips against hers before she could open her
mouth and spoil everything.
The now Spike was feeling pretty good, if only the now Twilight was feeling good too, we would all be happy campers.

........................................................o.o.............................................................

Spike held on for dear life as the wind blew across Twilights wings continuing their dive down to Ponyvilles air space.
Frostys message and Spikes added weight spurred her to almost new speed records.
Rainbow Dash who met them halfway lagged behind helping Night Frost carry a worn out but satisfied Captain Buttercup.

Twilights landing did nothing to help the situation crashing headlong into the Boutiques side garbage cans and laundry hampers.
That in its self was bad enough but Sweetie Belles clause in her foal sitting contract limited her to diaper changing and not diaper cleaning
letting the daddy of the household to do that chore at his leisure, In this case the soiled padding kept them from suffering any broken bones.

Twilight and Spike staggered into the dimly lit room. Apple Jack rocked in the corner as Rarity laid still on the bed. Spike swallowed a
nervous gulp as he approached the mare, he reached out and took hold of her marsh mellow hoof "Spikey dearest please take a bath
you smell absolutely dreadful, hurry along now I'm perfectly fine. Twilight you too it's not proper for a Princess to smell of foal poop".

...........................................................c.c............................................................

After the cleansing Spike held Rarity close letting his warmth comfort her in their bed, She caressed his spines as he buried his snout
in her mane letting the tension and worry fade away. As usual with Rarity the sheets were wrinkle free with the fresh scent of roses.
Apple Jack continued rocking in the corner when Twilight entered the room it was comforting to see her friend and the drake
taking a little time to cuddle.
Like all good things you have an ending as all interested parties begin to crowd into the bed chambers.
Spike and Rarity where surrounded with family. Pinkie held the twins as the Cutie Marked Crusaders and Fluttershy looked on.

"May I introduce our new member of thee Dragon family" Apple Jack raised to meet Rarity and Spike "we have yet to give her a name".

A thud was heard on the bed room window all eyes turned as a muffled sound filled eveyponies ears "I swear Somepony hates me".
Scootaloo pulled the drapes back showing a colorful mangled mess of hooves wings and hair that then piled into the room.

"So they called you Sergeant Stumpy?" Rainbow snorted "Hay Twilight is that true you picked the economy sized guy?"

"That's Captain Buttercup and that's only in the horn Department you, you whoever you are".

"Ah Butters that's the one and only Rainbow Dash, She's a Wonderbolt". Frosty gasped as Sweetie Belle gave him a sly little wink.

"Who?" . . .was Butters really that stupid?

"Miss Sonic Rainboom" the three young mares verbally pelted his ears.

"Oh . . .Somepony hates me". Butters withered under the burning eyes of the Crusaders.

Apple Jack laid a bundle into Spikes lap. When he unwrapped the cloth he saw a filly as white as snow with a blue and purple main.
a single horn on her head "A unicorn?" Spike for an instant doubted his ladys fidelity until a spikey toothed yawn laid that doubt to rest.
The Rarity in miniature had dragons teeth and slit pupils. The now Spike felt good real good, Never been better.

Spikes guilt washed away as his lady quietly spoke "'The Dragon Lady of Ponyville' is no more meet the new and improved
Dragon Lady, She came into Equestria unannounced and a little early but she's here none the less".

Rarity nuzzled with her drake and whispered in his ear "Precious Scales how did your little princess project work out?"

"I swore a Pinkie promise not to tell But I did win back all those bits you lost to Luna". FOREVER!

"Do you think it will work between those two?"

"That's future Twilights problem".

"AW COME ON!" Sweetie Bell yelled as she saw the end of the chapter coming and Raritys three foals had yet to be named!