Super Pony Tales Anthology: By The Equestrian Writer's Group

It was the end of a very long day for Princesses Celestia and Luna, one of those days they wish they could forget had ever happened. Their day consisted of sitting in boring meeting after boring meeting, listening to delegates drone on about whatever they deemed was vital to Equestria. The life of a diplomat is not as glorious as it seems. Much to the relief of the princesses, the day finally ended and they could relax. There was only one way they wanted to relax and blow off some steam, something they did every so often when days like these would rear their ugly head. It involved copious amounts of alcohol, enough to knock any normal pony on their flank. However, Celestia and Luna were anything but normal.

The two sat in a living room-like area of the castle that conveniently had its own private bar. Celestia was rather fluent in mixology, being alive for over a thousand years gave her plenty of time to learn new skills. She mixed up some drinks for herself and Luna, trying various exotic combinations. One drink became two, two became three, and then…it continued on until they lost count. Eventually they made the transition from mixed drinks to drinking straight out of the liquor bottles. Celestia enjoyed her spiced rum; Luna was partial to pepper vodka.

By now the two mares were three sheets to the wind; proper judgment was completely out the window as well as the rest of their mental faculties. Thankfully, they could still walk…somewhat. So, if they wanted to leave, they could. Which was good because Luna was starting to feel a little antsy.

“I need to get out of here; I’m starting to feel cooped up,” Luna rambled. “This bird needs to spread her wings and fly!” She shuffled off of the bar stool she was sitting on and landed unceremoniously on her hooves. It was a miracle that she didn’t land on her face.

“Wait, if you’re going, then I’m coming with,” Celestia added. “You’re my little sister, and…and I love you!” she hopped off of her bar stool and approached Luna “And I mean it! I don’t throw that around lightly,” she took another swig of her rum.

Luna grabbed her bottle of vodka with her magic. “Alright, let’s do this!” she announced.

Celestia grabbed her bottle of rum and joined her sister as they began to leave.

The door swung open to one of the many hallways inside Canterlot castle. It was late so the hallway was completely barren save for the two drunken princesses and a lone guard all the way at the other end.

Celestia took her place next to her sister as they marched down the hallway, or at least they thought they were marching. It was more like “take a few steps and stumble a bit”, but it worked.

The two closed the distance between them and the guard, who was on one of his usual patrols around the castle. Luna peeled herself away from her sister’s side and placed herself in the guard’s path. Instinctively, the guard gave a respectful bow to the princesses, as was protocol for the Royal Guard.

“Heeeey, aren’t you just the cutest thing? You doing anything later?” Luna asked, trying her best to be seductive in her drunken state.

“Just my rounds…” the stallion spoke, visibly confused and uncomfortable.

“Come on Luna, leave the poor guy alone,” Celestia pulled her sister away from the guard and started back on their way toward the castle exit.

Luna turned her head back toward the guard. “Hey, come find me if you wanna have some fun later,” she blew a kiss at him which only made the guard feel even more uncomfortable.

Once the guard was out of sight, Luna turned her attention back to Celestia, who was shaking her head at the younger mare.

“What? He wouldn’t be the first guard I’ve fooled around with,” she grinned.

“Yeah, I know Luna since you like to share all the filthy details with me,” Celestia rolled her eyes.

Eventually the two found the castle exit, which took a little longer than normal due to their inebriated state. This castle had too many hallways and doors anyway. Outside on the front lawn stood the giant marble fountain. Luna got an idea.

“I just got the best idea ever!” Luna stopped her sister. “We should go swimming in the fountain!” she said with way more enthusiasm than was necessary.

Celestia pondered this for a hot minute. “That sounds like a splendid idea!” she exclaimed.

Luna wasted no time setting her bottle of vodka down on the fountain’s rim and diving head first into the water.

“Ooh, that’s cold!” Luna shouted as she resurfaced.

Celestia set her bottle down next to Luna’s and dove into the water herself. Luna wasn’t lying, that water was cold.

The two splashed around in the water like two flailing fish while a few ponies came out to see what all the commotion was. The princesses didn’t care; they were more focused on the soothing cold water than how unorthodox their choice of a swimming pool was. Alcohol has a tendency to do that.

Once they were thoroughly soaked and had splashed water on every square inch of the lawn, they pulled themselves out of the fountain, remembering to grab their alcohol.

“I’m hungry,” Luna said after taking swig of vodka.

“I know exactly where to go,” Celestia said after pondering for a second.

The two departed with alcohol in hoof on an epic quest to one place in Canterlot that was sure to be open this late, Donut Joe’s. At least that part of Celestia’s memory was still accessible; she remembered hanging out there with Twilight, Spike, and there five friends after the first Grand Galloping Gala they all went to as a group. Those were good times, although, she suspected Spike had a donut addiction problem.

As the two arrived at the small donut shop, Celestia tried to open the door, but missed the handle and ended up putting her hoof through the glass pane. The glass shattered into a million pieces, frightening Joe and any other customers inside. Celestia, however, wasn’t fazed. She grabbed the handle this time and swung the door open. The two mares marched inside the shop with Luna giggling at what just happened.

“Hey, I will totally fix this,” she looked at Joe and pointed a hoof at the now broken door.

“It’s okay,” Joe said. Celestia had come into his shop before but never in this state. It was so obvious to him that she and Luna were way beyond tipsy.

Celestia pressed her face up against the glass display that housed the various donut flavors. Well, pressed it against the glass as much as she could without her horn getting in the way. Luna followed suit, scanning through the different flavors.

“I know,” Celestia shifted her attention back to Joe. “We’ll take a dozen of the most fattening thing you have.”

“And make sure it has lots of sugar in it,” Luna added.

“Um okay,” Joe said as he started scooping out a dozen of the most decadent donut flavors he could and placed them in a box for Celestia.

Celestia conjured up a bag of bits and plopped it down on the counter.

“Keep the change,” she grabbed the box of donuts with her magic.

The two found an empty table near the window to enjoy their sweet treats. One bite was all it took to transport them to sugar nirvana.

“Oh, these are so good!” Celestia exclaimed.

“I wanna rub these all over my body!” Luna added.

Celestia chuckled at that statement.

The two mares quickly munched through the donuts, not giving a second thought that they would go straight to their thighs. They were good though, and warm, like they just came out of the fryer. Donut Joe did not disappoint. As with most tangible things, it came to an end. It was the same story with their alcohol; their bottles were completely empty now. The princesses took this as a sign to call it a night.

They left to go back to their respective bedrooms to pass out for the night. It was the last bit of relaxation they would enjoy because the following morning they were going to have to deal with the mother of all hangovers.