Battlefield: Equestria Online

by AngryPenguin

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Comedy, Random, Crossover, Big Macintosh
Length: 2344

Was it a good idea to bring video games into Equestria? These stallions think so!

Once upon a time, technology in Equestria wasn't anywhere near its peak. Then, the world wide web was discovered. Six stallions venture into their favorite video game; shooting, killing, and trolling each other. Be cautious. These are not the six element bearers! Let's take a peek inside the game and see what really goes on!

WARNING: Strong language and idiocy ahead. Proceed with caution.

(Note: I put this story on hiatus right now as I'm not sure if I want to continue. If I decide to continue, I'll change this.)

Published 2015-05-31 18:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-04 01:46:38 UTC

Noobs. Noobs Everywhere

It was a beautiful day in Equestria. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and ponies laughed and talked throughout the land. It was a perfect day to stay inside and play video games! A red-maned, pegasus stallion grabbed his Ponystation4 controller and hooked up his microphone. He plopped down in his gaming chair with a bottle of Sunrise Sarsaparilla and a giant bag of corn puffs.

“I’m going with Rarity and Fluttershy to the spa! I’ll be back later!” He heard his wife in the kitchen.

“Okay, honey.” He hoofpumped. “No distractions.” He mumbled quietly.

As soon as he heard the door close, he switched on the console and entered the Battlefield: Equestria lobby.

In-game perspective

“Hey, True!” Fake called, getting his gun ready. Fake, Unit, and True were brothers who frequented the online universe with their friends Ghost, Alley, and Viking.

“I would play the Pony Wars theme song and make a Darth Hayder entrance, but I’m lacking a cloak.” True chuckled.

“Yeah, right, loser.” Fake said.

The six stallions greeted each other with crude humor, then took their places on each team. True and Alley were on the criminal’s team while the others took their roles as Royal Guards. There were dozens of other players in the game, as well.

“Lotta players today.” Unit pointed out.

“I know. I bet True is pretty excited about all these stallions.” Ghost guffawed over the commotion, getting disgusted looks from his teammates.

“Shut up, Ghost. He’s mine!” Alley exclaimed, sarcastically.

Finally, the battle began. True and Alley spawned next to each other inside a chopper. As Alley hovered over a group of police ponies, True whooped and fired his machine gun. Bullets sprayed the ground. Two guards went down, swearing and cursing at the two bucks.

“Look out, Unit.” Ghost warned.

Just as True aimed the machine gun at Unit, the unicorn buck rolled out the way and galloped inside an old warehouse. With a loud thump, he fired his grenade launcher, sending an explosive towards the chopper, making it spiral out of control.

“FFFFUUUUUU!!!” Alley screamed.

“Damn it. Ghost, control your lover!” True laughed.

With that, he spawned as a medic, throwing a medical bag onto the ground beside one of his teammates. He fell back onto his flank as a sniper took out the same buck that stood next to him. He knew exactly who took the shot.

“Viking, I’m comin’ for you!” True yelled.

Without replying, Viking loaded another round and pulled the trigger. The large sniper rifle floated next to him. True spotted the young unicorn on a roof. He dodged several shots from the guards as he galloped into the building below Viking. He slid to a halt when Fake zoomed past. Growling, True tossed a grenade into the room where Fake was hiding.

BOOM!

Fake killed by True

“Bastard!” Fake screamed into his microphone.

True cackled, madly, as he flew up the stairs and onto the roof. He scanned the area, unable to see Viking. He watched as three stallions on his team dove head first off the roof. They pulled their parachutes, gliding down and screaming their “war cries”. Their fun ended when they fell from the sky, dead.

“Idiots.” True rubbed his temples. “Now, where the f-“

CRACK!

True fell when the round lodged in his forehead.

“Headshot.” Viking smirked.

True appeared on the other side of the map, no longer a medic. He slammed the rounds in his AWM and galloped forward into battle. Around him, ponies fell and respawned. He didn’t know if his team was going to win this! As soon as the criminals were spawning, they were being killed. He hid behind a fence with Alley, shooting randomly at the guards. At least he managed to hit one.

“Alley, come on, we gotta pick up the pace! We have nothing but noobs on our team!” He yelled at the earth buck.

“What the hell do you think I’m doing?!” Alley screamed, taking out two more guards.

True tapped his chin. There had to be an easier way to victory. He and Alley had more kills than the rest of the criminals, and all they needed was three more. Looking around, he spotted the armored command vehicle across the way. He grinned, evilly, as he made his way over to it.

“Alley, over here!” He yelled while the others were distracted.

Alley rushed over, shooting behind him as he did. He smirked and hopped in the driver’s seat. True ducked as a bullet hit the door to the vehicle. He turned and gulped when he saw who had been on the other team. The huge earth stallion smirked and aimed at True.

“It’s Big Mac!” Alley squealed.

True jumped into the passenger seat and ducked, the glass window shattering from the high powered Scout Elite. Alley, unfortunately, didn’t have time to dodge the slug. Grunting, True crawled over the body and cranked the vehicle. He slammed his hoof on the accelerator and spun out.

“Ha! Come get me, now, asshole!” He yelled, waving his hoof out the window.

“True sounds like he wants some of that action.” Fake laughed. “I’m glad Mac’s on our team. Have you seen his fucking level?”

“No, I really don’t want to, to be honest.” Ghost said.

The truck picked up speed as a guard flew over the windshield. He burst into laughter as the guard’s body twisted in ridiculous ways. Driving over the roads, he spotted his enemies. Fake, Unit, and Ghost camped beside a crumbling wall.

“Gotcha.” He whispered, pushing the pedal down as far as it would go.

“What I miss?” Alley popped next him in the passenger seat. He looked forward and his eyes widened. “Are you insane?! You’re going to blow us up!”

True ignored his flailing hooves. Alley covered his face, protectively, as True hit a pile of dirt and ramped the obstacle. The nose of the truck went straight for the three guards.

“Mother of Celestia.” Unit tapped Fake’s shoulder.

“What?” Fake and Ghost turned, their faces covered in horror as the vehicle impacted their bodies, slamming them into the wall. Instantly, they disappeared. True and Alley scrambled out of the truck before it exploded into shrapnel and flames.

“That’s how you do it!” True pointed a hoof at Alley, who stood dumbfounded.

The chaos stilled as the round ended. True watched, gleefully, as his stats increased and he gained a few coins. He was almost at level one hundred! The guards threw their helmets on the ground, swearing and stomping about. Alley hoofbumped True.

“I could have done that if Mac hadn’t killed me.” He said.

“Let’s hope he’s on our team, next time.” True said.

They waited patiently for the next round. Hopefully, the lobby wouldn’t be full of noobs, this time.

Author's Note

I was watching my better half play this game the other day and i though: "I could do something with this." And so, this idea was born! I used real-life gameplay (with their permission, of course). Yeah, they actually do this. :ajbemused: Instead of real names, i used parts of their gamertags. Mostly because i'm too lazy to come up with pony names for them. :twilightsheepish:
I'm gonna go ahead and say I, myself, don't play this, so if I made any mistakes on details, feel free to tell me!
Anyway, let me know what you guys think and if i should continue this! Feedback is most welcome! :twilightsmile:
-AP
P.S: Ideas are also welcome! :rainbowdetermined2:

Trolling the System

True cracked his neck as the lobby loaded. He surveyed the area. Half of the field was nothing but swamp and brush. It was the perfect place to hide! The other side was a few buildings. Alley appeared to be on his team, the criminals, again. This time, Unit and Ghost had joined them. Unit grinned as he spun his assault rifle on his hoof, then stopping it with his other.

“Get ready.” Ghost said, quietly.

The four stallions took cover in the muddy waters. Gunfire exploded into disarray. True aimed his Scout Elite at a guard, who had yet to notice him ducking below a bush. Just as he was about to pull the trigger, the guard flew backwards with several holes in his torso. He darted his eyes beside him. Ghost grinned and reloaded his weapon. True stared in bemusement.

“What? I felt needed over here!” He chuckled.

“I’m not helpless, you know! I’m sure Unit is gonna be jealous of you helping me instead of you.” True told him.

They shared a laugh, only to have it ended by Unit swearing and yelling at a random guard.

“Mother fucker!”

Mareio joined the party

“Who the hell invited this foal?” Unit screamed.

“Who’s a foal? I think I’m a grown buck.” An unknown voice asked.

Knowing it was Mareio, True scoffed. “Then why do you sound like one?”

Unit spawned next to Alley under a concrete awning. He grunted as the recoil from his sniper rifle kicked back. A guard in a tower stumbled back, dead.

“You guys are terrible.” Mareio laughed out loud.

“Nobody asked you. Ghost, you invited this fool, didn’t you?” Unit asked Ghost, who was still hiding by True.

“Look, I’m not a fool. I was actually in the Royal Guard.” Mareio gloated.

“Battlefield isn’t considered the real Royal Guard.” True argued.

Throughout the argument, True couldn’t even concentrate on playing. He hopped on a motorcycle and just rode around. Eventually, Mareio left the party. Unit broke out into laughter.“I guess he couldn’t handle the heat.” He said through his laughter.

Suddenly, bullets pounded the ground beside Ghost and True. They swore and looked around, trying to find the source of fire. True spotted Mareio taking cover behind a charred vehicle.

“Ghost, over there!” He pointed.

“This idiot doesn’t know when to quit!” Unit exclaimed.

“Well, stop arguing and play the fucking game!” Fake raged.

True threw a grenade towards Mareio. He rolled out of the way, only slightly injured. The earth buck unloaded an entire clip into True, then rounded on Unit. In a split second, he had took them out. True and Unit spawned in different areas, but were still visible to each other. Unit signaled True to remain unseen and go behind the car.

“You think I don’t see you?” Mareio planted a trip mind next to the car. He didn’t know that True had seen him.

“Yeah, but you don’t see him.” True pointed behind him.

Mareio turned to see the barrel of a large gun in his face. He gulped. Unit grinned and pulled the trigger, peppering him with more rounds. “Bitch!” Mareio yelled. Unit teabagged his enemy’s body, shooting wildly into the air. While he was distracted, a grenade exploded nearby, sending him tumbling back. He smirked as he lay, dead, in the dirt.

“Worth it.”

True rushed to him. “We’re winning!”

“Yeah, because I’m awesome!” Unit bragged.

They snuck towards another hiding spot. A helicopter exploded just over them, making the small group of stallions nervous. Suddenly, Ghost went down. True glanced around, trying to find out what had happened. Unit fell, dead, beside him. He was getting frustrated! Rustling was heard behind him, making him spin around and aim. Just as he focused, he was stabbed in his torso.

“Mareio.” He grunted as he fell.

Mareio sheathed his blade and stood. He then rolled out of the way before anypony else seen him. Alley had watched the entire scene through his rifle scope. He swore, quickly pulling the trigger. Missed! He took another shot. Mareio hid behind a tree.

“Guys, I think this guy’s a troll.” He mumbled.

Taking aim again, he lost sight of the guard. Frantic, he searched the surrounding area. Mareio was gone!

True, Unit, and Ghost spawned inside the small office building just outside the swamp. They looked at one another, knowing what was going on. Mareio had trolled them. Being a medic, Unit planted a medical bag next to them. Not much time was left. True knew they weren’t going to win, but he wanted to make sure Mareio knew who not to mess with!

“Alley, come this way with me. Unit and Ghost, you go around the warehouse. I think Mareio is camping there, now.” True whispered.

“Locked and loaded!” Ghost yelled.

The stallions took their places and waited for Mareio to turn away from them. When he did, Alley signaled Unit and Ghost. As one, the four stallions threw their grenades. Mareio looked up just in time to see the rain of explosives. He rolled out of the way. True aimed his Elite Scope and smirked. It was the perfect opportunity for a headshot!

“Pull the trigger before he recovers, damn.” Alley complained.

“I’m savoring the moment!” True yelled.

He rolled his eyes and squeezed the trigger with his forehoof. The round hit Mareio right between the eyes.

“Booyah!” True screamed at the dead body.

The last second ran out as the game ended. True’s stats didn’t go up like he wanted, but at least they had their revenge.

“Next game, I hope I’m not on your team. You’re too conceited.” Alley facehoofed.

“Maybe he rage quit.” Ghost shrugged.

“He was annoying as FUCK! I’ll be ready, next time.” Unit snorted.

The stallions waited for the next round to start. Losing was not acceptable! They laughed and joked some more about the trolls and hackers that “filled” the game. The gamer-tag screen popped up, making them gasp. Staring in horror, they saw who had started out on the other team.

“Fuck.”

Author's Note

Hey guys!
Sorry I haven't been writing, lately. Got some things to do and family to visit! :applejackconfused:
But, through the chaos, i managed to get Chapter 2 of this "story" up. It's pretty hard to find things to write about, since I don't really play the game. :twilightblush: Any ideas, corrections, or details are welcome!
Anyway, I hope you ponies enjoy!
-AP