A Discorded Journey

‘Ugh… What… Gah… My head.’ I tried to lift my arm to rub my head but it felt heavy, so I just laid still. My eyes were closed but I could tell that I was in low light. Whatever I was laying on was very cold. ‘Why is it so cold?’ I cracked open an eye. I saw the underside of a floor above me, pipes and colored plastic strings weaving along it. Empty animal cages towered from floor to ceiling. I inhaled through my nose and the sharp scent of old animal excretions filled my nostrils along with a damp, musty smell.

‘What a dump.’

I summoned my strength to rub the stench from my nose with… my… paw?

I sat bolt upright in an adrenaline induced state of shock and my eyes flew open. Instead of a paw and talons I had hands. They reminded me of spindly spiders.

I quickly surveyed the rest of my body and came to a simple conclusion: I was hideously symmetrical. I scrunched up my face in disgust. This simply would not do and needed to be remedied. A snap of my fingers later and… nothing.

My skin remained a soft grey and the patch of fur next to my legs remained black and white. There was no change to any of me. I frowned and closed my eyes. The normally black, purple, and blue pool of swirling chaos was tainted by white and cream order magic. I gave it a gentle prod and the order magic leapt forward and denied me access to the chaos. My brow furrowed. Spells like this took more magic and skill than even Princess Twilight could manage. Celestia, aside from myself, was the only one with knowledge of such a spell, but due to the spell altering a being's essence it was considered dark magic and she would never use it.

I methodically moved around the pool, poking and prodding anywhere I thought there may be a weak point in the spell. Each time the order magic hindered me, until finally I found a small hole. Chaos dribbled through it. It would never be enough to change body shape, let alone open a portal. Only very simple spells could be used with such a small amount. I tried several in quick succession and the only one that worked was teleportation. The largest thing I could manage was a bouquet of roses. Buildings and chariots were impossible with the limited supply of magic.

“How odd,” I remarked, tossing the flowers aside. My eyes opened once again and I summoned the strength to stand. A staircase was off to my right and I made my way towards it. Other than a single window, it was the only way out. Soft footfalls sounded above my head and a pitter-patter followed close behind. The noise stopped as I climbed the stairs, holding on to the railing for support. My head still hurt like I was a pegasus who had met their first glass door and I was feeling a little dizzy. At the top of the stairs a door blocked my path. Cautiously, I opened it.

Bright light streamed into my eyes and I was temporarily blinded. I blinked furiously and quickly cleared the spots from my eyes and saw a kitchen. The counters had various vegetables on them, and a cutting board and knife lay near the sink. Bowls of cut fruit littered the table. I glanced around to see if I was alone.

A soft voice floated into the kitchen. I slowly crept towards it. One short, sun filled hallway later I could hear the words clearly.

“Oh, Angel, are you sure you won’t take just one, teansy, bite?” a sweet, quiet voice pleaded. Glass shattered on the floor and I jumped in surprise.

“Angel! That is not very nice! I worked hard to make you that special treat!” the feminine voice scolded. “Ow! Stop biting me! OWW!”

“I’ll save you!” I shouted as my instincts kicked in and I charged into the room. The noise caught both the girl and the white rabbit by surprise as they turned. The rabbit bolted under the nearest piece of furniture, which happened to be an armchair, squealing.

A quick “EEP!” and a flurry of light pink hair ducked behind a couch as I arrived next to a coffee table. Pain suddenly registered in my brain.

“YEEEEEOOOWWW!” I yelled and quickly sat on the wooden coffee table. I picked my feet up off of the floor. A broken bowl of lettuce, nuts, and other veggies lay strewn where my feet had been moments before. Some of it had a strange, red tint to it.

‘Blood?’

“SWEET CELESTIA I’M BLEEDING!” I yelled, completely panicked. “Help! Oh manure, I’m DYING! Draconequus don’t bleed! Oh, what a world, what a world!” I laid back on the table and waited for my impending doom, my eyes shut.

The moments ticked by, only the sound of my heavy breathing cut the silence.

“Um, excuse me, sir?” a soft voice broke the silence. “Are you, um, OK?”

“NO! I am dying, how could I be OK?” I said, my voice thick with sorrow. A minute passed in silence.

“Um, are… are you dead yet?” asked the worried girl.

“Apparently not,” I said, confused. I opened my eyes to see two teal eyes gazing at me through hair from behind the couch. She quickly ducked back down when we made eye contact.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” I said, my voice flat. I sat back up and examined the bottoms of my feet. They still hurt, but not nearly as bad as when I had been standing. There was a shard of bowl in the heel of one foot and a few shards in the sole of the other. Both were bleeding, but the flow seemed to be waning.

“Oh, where is Fluttershy when I need her? I need attention! I need care!”

I heard the girl move to the far end on the couch and she peaked out. I looked up and we locked gazes. My mouth dropped as it finally clicked.

"Flut-Fluttershy?" I stammered. Those eyes were unmistakable and I felt my heart skip a beat.

"Do I, um, know you?" she said quietly. She glanced down at the rest of me and a bright blush graced her face as she quickly looked away.

"Yeskindofsortof," I jabbered, a little lost for words. "I vaguely remember Twilight saying something about friends in another dimension that were eerily similar to her pony friends. I don’t usually pay attention when she is talking, though."

She looked back at me at the mention of Twilight but then became very interested in the ceiling. "You know Princess Twilight? Then you are from Equestria?" she asked, still looking up.

I followed her gaze upwards but there was nothing interesting, just a ceiling fan. "Yes, I am. What in world are you looking at?"

"The, um, ceiling?"

"Why? It looks dreadfully ordinary."

She looked extremely embarrassed. "Well, you see... It's just that you are, um," she glanced at me again and quickly looked away. "Naked," she whispered, her cheeks as red as ever.

“I’m sorry, what was that?”

“You are… naked.”

“Fluttershy, we have had this conversation before. I cannot hear you when you do that. Please, speak louder.”

“NAKED! You are naked!” she yelled. She quickly covered her mouth, embarrassed at her outburst.

I stared for a moment. “So?" I asked, perplexed. Clothes were formal attire and just because I didn't have fur didn't mean I needed clothes. “You aren’t wearing anything either!” I pointed to her triumphantly.

Her head ducked behind the couch as she stood up. Her hair covered one eye and streamed down in waves over her shoulders. It covered most of her torso, but the contrast of the pink hair and pale yellow skin made the green shirt she was wearing pop. A white, flowing skirt with a brown woven belt and large, circular buckle completed her look, but I couldn’t tell how long the skirt was.

“Well, uh, never mind,” I said. I snapped my fingers and an assortment of clothes covered my body: a blue hoofball cap on my head, red leather pants, a purple and orange polka-dot tank top with an unbuttoned, yellow flowered shirt, and the finishing touch, one sparkly glove.

“Better?” I asked.

Fluttershy was visibly pale. “How did you do that?” she asked, staring.

“Magic, my dear Hoofson,” I said. “For I am Lord Discord, Ruler and Sole Proprietor of all things chaotic, at your service,” I finished with a half bow.

Fluttershy gave a weak smile. “Oh, I see. Well, um, I suppose since you are a friend of Twilight’s…” she trailed off. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere,” she added as she left the room.

I watched her go without a word. “Well, this has been an interesting vacation so far,” I thought to myself. With nothing better to do, I looked around the rest of the room. It was a pretty simple setup, the couch, chair and coffee table being the only real furniture. A giant hamster tube maze zigzagged around the room. Several hamsters ran on wheels and the rest were busy sleeping. Thoroughly bored, I frowned and examined my feet again. The bleeding had stopped but they still hurt.

“Okay, this shouldn’t take long,” Fluttershy said as she entered the room. She was wearing a brown pair of sandals to protect her feet from the broken bowl. A broom and dustpan were tucked under one arm and a first aid kit in the other. She quickly set the kit down and started to sweep up the mess. I watched her work and sat in the comfortable silence. The soft scent of buttermilk came from her as she swept in front of me.

“There, all done,” she said as she finished sweeping the mess into the dustpan. “Now, let’s see those feet.” She grabbed the first aid kit and knelt down in front of me, her legs tucked neatly under her.

“Oh yes, thank you very much,” I replied, not sure what else to say. She gently took one foot and pulled out a pair of tweezers.

She examined the laceration closely and leaned in with the medical device and whispered, “Now, this will only hurt a moment.”

Before I could say anything the shard was out, my foot was disinfected, and she was putting a band-aid on it.

“How did you do that? It doesn’t even hurt anymore!” I exclaimed. I quickly pulled my foot away and thrust the other one at her. “Do this one now!” I squealed.

She gave a light chuckle as she repeated the process. “So, how did you get in my house?” she asked curiously.

“Well, I’m not entirely sure to be honest. I picked up this strange looking disc and was sucked into it. Next thing I know I am in your basement with a splitting headache.” She finished putting the bandages on my foot.

“That’s very strange. I am not really sure what we should do. When Twilight visits us she comes through the portal at the school,” she pondered.

“PERFECT!” I shouted and flung my arms in the air. Fluttershy fell backwards, her knees in the air as her legs came out from under her. Her skirt flew up onto her stomach. She was wearing pale pink satin panties with baby blue lace trim. I felt a disturbance in my pants as she scrambled to right herself. I snapped my arms back down and quickly looked away, pretending I hadn’t seen anything.

“Sorry,” I said bashfully, not making eye contact.

Her face was red as she quietly spoke. “Oh, no-no problem. I’ll just, um, go get you some shoes so we can g-go. I think I have a pair that may fit you,” she said, flustered.

“Oh, no need my dear.” I snapped my fingers and a flip-flop appeared on one foot and a snow boot on the other. “Lead the way,” I said and stood.

The wind and the hum of the scooter made it impossible to have a conversation, not to mention the helmet my head was crammed into. I kept my eyes closed in terror as the ground zoomed by only inches below me and hung onto Fluttershy’s legs with all my might. They laid over my shoulders, her thighs next to my ears. My knees were under my chin and I tried to remain as small as possible so I wouldn’t fall off of the little platform I was sitting on. Fluttershy had apologized profusely before we left about how she didn’t have a car, only a moped. The demonic device was only built for one person, so we had to make do with me sitting between her legs so she could operate it.

We slowed and I felt the scooter dip left and right. I clenched on harder and felt like we were going to tip over. Thankfully, we came to a stop and I felt the vibrations of the machine cease. Fluttershy tapped my helmet.

“Mr. Discord, we are here. You can let go now,” she said sweetly, her voice muffled through the helmet.

My eyes shot open like rockets and I slinked onto the pavement. I threw off my helmet and kissed the ground. “Oh, sweet Celestia, I’m not dead!” Several people in the parking lot looked at me with curious faces.

“My driving isn’t that bad,” Fluttershy mumbled, dejected. She climbed off and stowed her helmet in the case on the back. She surveyed the area before pointing. “They are over there, let’s go.” She started walking away. I took the hint, picked myself up, and followed.

She led me into a field with long, brown grass. I could see a purple haired girl and a blond haired girl wandering around, looking at the ground. As we approached, I caught up with Fluttershy.

“I thought you were taking me to the portal so I could leave,” I said, annoyed.

She seemed unsure of how to answer. “Well, I, um, just thought we should meet up with the girls first before you left. I mean, this is all really unexpected and we don’t get visitors from Equestria very often,” she explained. “Applejack! Rarity!” she called out, waving an arm in the air. The two girls looked up and waved back.

“HEY! Who’s this guy?! Is he your new boyfriend?!” came a voice right behind us.

Fluttershy screamed and ducked behind me as I spun around, only to come face to face with who I could only assume was Pinkie Pie.

“Ooo, he’s cute!” she said. She leaned forward to get a closer look and her eyes practically popped out of her head. Her hand went to my hair and she batted at my bangs. “Ooo, you have hair like Sunset’s! Except hers is all red and yellow, and yours is black and white! Like a skunk! Do you stink?”

“I don’t thin-” I started to say before she buried her face in my chest and inhaled. Her face reappeared an inch in front of mine before I could react.

“Nope! You smell nice! Like peppermint, or cinnamon, or chocolate! I can’t really put my fing-”

I was left staring at empty air as she was pulled aside by Rarity. “Pinkie! What have I told you about personal space?!” she scolded.

“Um, to give people some?” Pinkie replied sheepishly.

Rarity let go of Pinkie’s arm, turned to me and looked me straight in the eyes. “I am so sorry, my dear. She doesn’t mean any hhhhaaaAARRMM!” she finished with a squeal as she took notice of my attire. “What on Earth are you wearing? Polka-dots and a Hawaiian shirt? Uhhhh!”

She promptly fainted and Pinkie Pie caught her. Fluttershy darted out from behind me and helped lower Rarity to the ground.

"Where did you even come from Pinkie? You startled me," Fluttershy said as she rested Rarity's head on her lap.

"Oh! I was hiding in the grass! We are playing hide and seek!" Pinkie responded enthusiastically.

"No we aren't, we’re looking for my favorite soccer ball," said Rainbow Dash as she appeared on my left. “My amazing skills caused it to fly waaay out here somewhere,” she finished with a cocky grin.

Applejack and another girl I didn’t recognize walked up and stood next to Rainbow Dash. Applejack snorted. “Drop kickin’ the ball from the bed of mah truck doesn’t count, Dash,” Applejack scolded.

“Yeah, whatever,” Rainbow said as she waved her off. “So, who’s the walking clothes rack?” she gestured to me.

I gave a bow and tipped my hat at the group. “I am Discord, Lord of Chaos, resident Draconequus of Equestria. And I am guessing you all are Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie,” I said as I pointed to each of them. “You-” I pointed to unknown girl, “you must be the one Twilight mentioned. Oh what was it?” I snapped my fingers a moment later as it came to me. “Scary Shatter!” I pointed at her again.

Sunset Shimmer blinked at me. “Close. I’m Sunset Shimmer. Nice to meet you,” she said as she extended a hand. I met her hand with an open palm and rubbed it back and forth. “Close enough,” she said and laughed. “So, you are from Equestria? How did you meet Fluttershy?”

“He was in my basement,” Fluttershy answered for me. Everyone looked confused and glanced between Fluttershy and me.

Suddenly, Rainbow grabbed me by the collar and started shaking me. “Why the heck were you in her basement? Are you some kind of creepy stalker?” My head rocked back and forth like a bobble-head. Applejack and Sunset grabbed Rainbow and pulled her off of me. Rainbow struggled to break free, but the combined strength of the two girls was too much for her. “Let me go! Let me GO!” she yelled.

“Rainbow! Calm down! Don’t jump to conclusions before ya have all the facts!” Applejack said. Rainbow stopped struggling and was released from her confinement. She glared at me as she straightened her shirt.

I huffed and straightened out my shirt. “Really, Rainbow, there is no need for such accusations. I don’t know how I got there. I transported here by an object in my world. Next thing I know I am in her basement. Then we had this silly misunderstanding about clothes and how I needed to be wearing them, it was really sort of funny.” Everyone looked dumbfounded, except for Pinkie Pie.

Rarity groaned and her eyes fluttered open. “What-what did I miss?” she asked.

“This is Discord he’s from Equestria and he came here through a disc and ended up in Fluttershy’s basement naked!” Pinkie rattled off.

Rarity blushed and she sat up. “Good heavens! Where on Earth did you get your ensemble?”

“Basic matter transfer,” I replied simply and shrugged.

Only Sunset seemed to comprehend what I had said and her jaw dropped. Everyone looked at her as she spoke. “You can do… magic?” she finished with a whisper, glancing around to make sure no one overheard her.

“But of course!” I nodded, snapped, and a pair of sunglasses appeared on my face. There was a collective gasp from Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie, and Rainbow.

“Don’t do that here!” Sunset hissed. She was visibly upset. “OK, we need to go somewhere private. Rainbow, your ball will have to wait until later. Everyone go to our place,” she gestured at Pinkie Pie. “How did you guys get here?” she asked Fluttershy.

Fluttershy opened her mouth to answer but I answered before she could. “We took that dreadful scooter thing.”

Pinkie raised her hand and waved it around. “Discord should ride with us! We have more than enough room. Carpool in the SunPie-mobile!”

I felt very relieved that I wouldn’t have to face the contraption of horror again. “Great! Let’s go then!” I wrapped my arms around Sunset and Pinkie and headed back the way we came. Fluttershy and Rarity were helped up by Applejack as we made our trek to the car. The girls all followed us, Rainbow Dash going on about how she would need to go buy a new ball now.