Chapter Eight
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Bitter, Burning Irony

There's this thing about ponies that I just realised. They have the best fucking reactions sometimes. I mean, they were all crowded into one small room that shouldn't have been big enough for the many ponies ponying about and they were all acting like this was a normal thing despite the fact that it was night time and a few ponies were obviously dressed for bed. Don't ask I don't know. And also the fact that there was a giant grotesque creature partying with them.

A creature, mind, that the very same ponies had been hounding for the past week or so.

They didn't notice a thing. Three ponies were even playing pin the tail on the donkey with an ass supervising.

“So Sherry!” Pinkie bounced to me over the socialising ponies. “What do you think of your welcome to Ponyville party? I would have thrown one for you before but we got sidetracked and I couldn't pass up a chance to go talk about my parties to the princess so I decided to delay you're welcome party for a bit and then I came back and saw Twilight,” She gestured to the sleeping beauty that was also still screaming. Yes, that was happening. “So I went *LONG GASP and that was totally intense and I realised that I could take yours and Twilight's party and make it into one so I did and got all of Ponyville to come along to welcome you and what do you think? Huh? Huh?”

I wish I could say that I understood that. I did not.

Unable to make heads or tails of the situation I tried. “Uh. You see Jim right?” I gestured towards the 'guy'.

Pinkie looked up and saw the offending tentacles. Then she went *LONG GASP. I wish I could write down what it sounded like but I don't think it can really be put to paper. “You're new to Ponyville too! I know because I know everypony in Ponyville and if I don't know you then I know you're not from Ponyville so that means your new to Ponyville so I can throw you a welcome to Ponyville party!” Then she thought real hard and did some mental number crunching. “Or I can invite you to the party already happening.” She produced a letter and handed it to Jim, who took it in a tentacle. “This has the time and place of the party. I hope you can make it. It would suck if you didn't.”

Then Pinkie turned around and addressed the rest of the room.

“Everypony this is Jim. He's new to Ponyville.”

The entire room took about five seconds to do the following.

1: Simmer down and look at Pinkie.

2: Look at Jim.

3: Stare at Jim.

4: Run the hell away from Jim. Screaming

Pony reactions are funny.

After the sixth second the room was empty except for me, Pinkie and two troubled sleepers. Jim doesn't count because I don't want him to.

“Wo.” Pinkie commented. “Where did the party go?” That earned a look from me. I wasn't expecting Fall Out Boy quotes anywhere away from Earth. She even said it the same way.

Then Pinkie piped back up. “So what brings you to Ponyville?”

I wasn't expecting Jim to respond. But he went, “Uuuuuugggghhhhh.” or something like that. It was just his standard moan really.

“Pinkie.” I interrupted before she could go into another long winded monologue. “Could you wake up Twilight.”

“What? Oh!” Pinkie noticed Twilight and covered an ear to block out the screaming. “I didn't see you there, Twilight. I thought that you were mingling with everypony.” How did she not notice? She was just talking about her earlier. “Wakey, wakey!” And then she poured a bucket of water onto Twilight's face.

It got her up. At least the screaming stopped.

Twilight did the sit-bolt-upright-thing people usually do when woken by buckets of water and looked around. Before she could ask the wrong question I spoke up.

“Twilight, over here.” I snapped my fingers to get her attention. “You were having a nightmare and you weren't waking up.”

“I was?” She seemed confused.

You can't remember it? “I think so. Hey, you remember Pinkie?” I referred to the bouncing pink thing beside me. “You barely even saw her if I remember correctly.”

“I think I saw someone like her.”

“Cool. Pinkie, meet Twilight. Twilight, Pinkie. Now do you remember that conversation about Jim?”

“Yes. Why?”

“Have fun studying.” I gestured behind her and tried booking it out of that room. Tried being the operative word, I tripped over Spike, who seemed to have roused along with Twilight.

“Ow!” He exclaimed as I fell flat on my face.

“I concur.” I said flatly. Get it?

Twilight wasn't paying attention to all this. She was all wrapped up in staring at Jim.

“I've never seen something like this before.” Twilight whispered. You didn't say that when you saw me. “What is it? What does it eat? What are those tentacles for?” Yada yada ya, sciency stuff. I wasn't paying attention.

Jim hadn't made a move since taking the party invitation from Pinkie, but he seemed to be paying attention to Twilight making all those questions.

From my position on the floor I took a moment to realise that this Jim encounter was different to the rest. For one Jim wasn't hell bent on chasing me, which was the biggest thing. That really put a damper on our relationship. For two Jim was still in beast form. I guessed that the transforming into me thing only affected wherever the fuck that was. Probably some pocket dimension bullshit or something like that. And for three there was a couple of ponies, purple and pink, both gushing over the guy.

Pinkie was gushing about parties and stuff.

Twilight was gushing about bio and stuff.

The former was all over the place talking rapid fire and the latter was magically dragging sheet after sheet of parchment over to presumably take notes that were already being discarded around the still wet bed she was still on.

Those probably shouldn't stay there. I observed the papers already getting damp. I didn't do anything about it though.

Anyway Jim and I just sorta sat there awkwardly. Sometimes our eyes met. This repeated for a while.

After five minutes I yawned. “So you guys are good? I can go back to sleep?” The situation was interesting, but after the adrenalin had worn off I realised that I just wanted to go back to sleep.

Twilight didn't respond on account of taking notes but Pinkie broke from her talk about fun. “We're good. I can't wait to see what kind of friend Jim will be. He seems nice.” No, he seems grotesque. But I wanna sleep.

I shrugged and left the room. That's when things started going bad. As soon as I was out Jim roared and I felt the vibrations of a large thing running across the ground.

Fuck. Shit. Fuck. I booked it. For real this time.

There were cries of shock from the room I just left which told me I was correct in my paranoia, so out of the treehouse I went. Less than seven seconds later an Eldritch horror burst through the shoddily made doorway, completely disregarding the time and effort that some poor sod put into it. Still not paying for damages.

The chase didn't last as long as the others. Personally I felt I could have made it all the way to the trees just outside of town if a certain something hadn't happened, but that something happened.

I made it about as far as the burning stake in the middle of the main street. I still don't know why that's there. Before that certain something happened.

And that something was Jim jumping right on my head.

From the sky.

At terminal velocity.

By all rights I should have died there and then. I honestly probably did, considering Jim's size. I felt an impact on the top of my head and next thing I saw I was in the white dreamscape again. Jim, in his large human form, stood opposite me with a disturbing nudity.

Well if you think about it that can be perceived as a compliment. I thought, staring at my up sized junk. Then I shook my head.

“Mind telling me what that was all about?” I asked him to his face.

“Sorry.” He said, looking down in apparent shame. Now, he didn't actually say 'Sorry', it was closer to the keyboard slamming effect I did last time. But it was way clearer, so I could decipher what Jim was saying far easier than before. God knows I'd get a headache though.

“Uh huh. So you speak now? Or is this just a phase?”

“I... can't explain it.”

“Phase it is then. Why are you standing in front of me in what appears to be a dream, in a four meter tall and stark naked version of myself?”

“This is where I go when I'm... eating.” Well ain't that morbid.

“Eating what?”

“Others.” Now that's fucked up. “I don't actually eat them.” He explained quickly after seeing my expression. “I just take the bits they aren't using anymore.”

“Bits like what? And you'd better not be doing that to me right now.” I'd prefer to keep my body and mind undisturbed thank you.

“The bit's they've forgotten. I can tell if something's been forgotten, it tastes different.”

I just crossed my arms.

“I'm not doing it to you right now.”

Good. “And why are you eating memories anyway? Some sick fetish?”

“I can't eat anything else. I tried.”

“What happened?” He raised his hand and pointed at me. I instantly threw up. “This place is like a dream, only not.” Jim explained as the sick feeling in my stomach vanished. “It makes eating easier.”

“Nevermind that, what the fuck did you just do to me?”

“Have you ever had a lucid dream?” I shook my head. “Then it is difficult to explain the connection between cause and effect. In here, one can imagine something happening and it will happen. I just imagined you feeling how I felt when I tried eating. That's the best I can explain it to you.”

I was offended. “Not even going to try?”

“Because you would not understand.” Jim told me. “While in this space I know you entirely.” I narrowed my eyes. “And I have access to all your memories. Like browsing the files on a computer.”

Okay. “How the hell do you know what a computer is?”

“Quite simply...” Jim waved his arm and vanished. Then a smaller more human sized human thankfully wearing clothes appeared in his place. I say he was smaller but he still had about half a head on me. “I grew up surrounded by them.” But that would mean... “I am human too.”

“Bullshit.”

“Look at my face.” I did. He had stubble. “This is not a face I pulled from your brain. This is my own face.”

“You just said that you had access to my memories. All of them. How do I know you didn't just pull that from one time when I was walking down the street. I've seen so many human faces I couldn't hope to remember all of them.”

“I'm not a super computer. I have to go through the memories in real time. I haven't had enough time to go through your memories.”

“You don't need to go through all of them. Just go into that one time I was walking down the street and you have your man.”

Jim looked at me pleadingly. “Please trust me.”

I studied him measurably. “You eat memories.” I said at length.

“No. Not memories.” He looked a little sad. “I eat their past.”

“And that's all kinds of fucked up. This is all kinds of fucked up. How many lives have you ruined?”

“None of them! I only eat the unessential bits.”

“And you know this how?” That was the right question. It got him right in the heart or whatever. He had gotten angry when I asked about the lives he potentially ruined but now he wilted.

“I don't know.”

Short silence.

“I don't know.” Jim repeated himself and slumped over on the white floor. I pitied the guy.

So I sat down opposite his resized self and asked. “What happens if you don't 'feed'?”

He sighed. “I lose myself. Memories, personality, reason. It just disappears if I go long enough without feeding.”

“So you have a constant drain on your brain if you don't eat? What happens when you eat?”

“I get full.” Well duh. “And I get some of myself back. If only a little. I only remembered who I was after I fed on you.”

“So who are you?”

“My name is...” He trailed off. “Maybe that was the wrong thing to say. I remembered what I was. A human.”

“Huh. Well I've been calling you Jim, so congrats on your new name.”

Jim smiled. If only a little. “It's short, but strong.”

“Just like your dick.”

“What?” We stared at each other for exactly one second before bursting into laughter.

“Oh, that was so stupid.” Jim said when he had mostly recovered from his fit. “But that's exactly what I missed about home.”

“Excessive penetration?” I asked.

“Among other things. I can't remember specifics but dick jokes are definitely up there.” He let out another chuckle. “Anyway. Yeah, I'd completely forgotten all about myself until I ate some of your memories.”

“How did you end up here anyway?” It might have something to do with how I got here.

“That.” Jim frowned. “Is not something I seem to remember. It's strange... Like.”

“Let me guess.” I interrupted. “You remember being human. Remember having a life, a family, friends, hobbies and crushes. But it doesn't have a definite end. All you know is that you somehow ended up here.”

“That's actually accurate. Is it..?”

“Yep. Exactly the same for me. It seems that we are under the influence of the same force.”

“Could it be God?”

“Ten days ago I would have dissociated myself from you for suggesting that. Now? Now I don't know. I've woken up in a land of talking ponies where pegasi fly around on undersized wings and unicorns go around screwing things up with magic. Now I'm sitting down in a dream dimension talking to another human residing in a perverted body. I can't say. What's up with that body of yours anyway?”

“I don't know. It just is.”

“Think it's a curse?” I asked.

“It could be. But I wasn't really the guy to go around doing things worth being cursed for.”

“And you're sure that you didn't have a crush on someone who's little sister dabbled in the dark arts?”

“Absolutely sure. Wait.” Holy shit. Really? “No, I don't think so.” This guy just lied to me.

“Eh. I wasn't really the type of guy to go around doing curse worthy things either. Only reason I can think of being cursed is because of my name. I'm Sherry by the way.”

“Sherry? Isn't that like the-”

“Drink? Yes it is.”

“Cool.”

The conversation halted. Then I had an idea.

“Hey Jim,” I asked “Think you can use that memory watching ability of yours for something?”

“What for?”

“Can you look at my memories from around a week ago? That's when I got here, it might shed some light.”

“That's actually a really good idea. Come closer.” I scooted over. “Close enough to put your head in my lap.” Now I can't imagine why you'd want me to do that. I obliged anyway.

“Now relax.” Jim instructed. “You can close your eyes if you want.” I did not. “Now just stay still.” Jim pressed one of his hands to the side of my head, took it away, then started narrating what he was doing.

“Okay, one week ago. That's about... Here.” I assumed that since I couldn't see what Jim was doing despite keeping my eyes open that he was narrating for my convenience. “You woke up in the middle of the library right?”

“Correct.”

“Before that there's nothing. Just nothing.” Kinda figured that'd happen.

“Any idea why?”

“I'd say that something ate them, but this isn't like that. When memories are eaten the ones directly before and after join together so there's no blank space. This is just the complete removal of memories.”

“Intriguing.”

“Not intriguing, scary.”

“Forgive me for having an inquisitive mind.”

“You don't have an inquisitive mind.You just aren't scared.” Got me there. “And Sherry... It goes on for some time. At least a month.”

Now that's worrying. “What about the events leading up to the nothing?”

“I'll show you.” Jim told me. Before I could ask how a haze glazed over my eyes and I found myself unable to speak.

When my vision cleared I was somewhere familiar. The school's back gate. My school's back gate. I was dressed in that good ol' florescent white uniform everyone despised and I was listening to Johnny Cash. Then I walked right past myself.

Another me walked by would be a better description.

I took a moment to consider what just happened and an explanation formed in my head. Instead of looking through my own eyes I'd been dropped into the memory in my own 'body' so that I could look at what I wanted to look at.

But then the stuff I don't remember would be- I cast my eyes around, looking for any grey spaces. I didn't find any, which was strange.

Jim dropped in next to me, dressed like he was in the white dreamscape.

He started talking and I removed an earphone to hear what he was saying. “We should follow your other self. That's where the important stuff will be happening.” I had questions about the fact that things I didn't remember were showing up in the memory. But I agreed with Jim, so I didn't say anything.

Memory me was walking alone, like he usually did. All my friends lived in the other direction from school, so none of them ever walked home with me. Not that I invited them to anyway.

I was kind of expecting my last remembered day on earth to be eventful. Maybe Billy would try to pick a fight on the way home and insult my effeminate name, or that a certain girl would start walking beside me. That didn't happen, it was just a typical walk home. I'm not sure how I felt about that. Jim didn't comment on anythings the whole way.

Memory me unlocked the door and left it open when he got home. I'd been conditioned to leave windows and doors open on hot days, which this one apparently was, for circulation when I was the first one home. He opened a few downstairs windows and went up to his room.

There he opened the door and stopped. Then he went in.

That was strange. I never hesitated when going into my room unless someone was already in it, and that was only ever because I had to get over the disappointment of someone being petty enough to invade my privacy. Then I'd usually put on a fake face and be passive aggressive until they left the room.

He hadn't do that, so I was curious as to why I hadn't followed the pattern. I understood when I looked into the room.

Memory had opened the drawer in which I kept my self defense knife, was hiding said knife behind his leg and was not diverting his attention from the man in my room looking out the window. The man I did not know and was in my room.

I shared a look with Jim as Memory me cleared his throat. “Mind telling me why you're in my room?”

The man at the window did not respond.

“Am I going to have to call the cops?”

“You do not want to call the cops.” The man responded. His voice was strange. Powerful and... Watery? “You would much rather kill me and hide the body. Is that not right, Sherry?”

He's not wrong. “How do you know my name?”

The man turned around and I saw his face. He was handsome I guess. “I've been watching you.” He said with a smile. “For quite some time.”

Creepy. “Care to tell me why?” Memory me asked.

“For reasons to old for you to remember.”

“So you want me to call the cops.”

“I did not say that. I just thought I would give you a courtesy call before whisking you away into the wind.”

“Which asylum did you escape from?”

“Is that not the same as prison?”

“Tomayto tomato. Which one?”

“None of this world.”

Memory me got his phone out with his free hand and dialed the police. “Police.” He said when the phone operator asked him which service he wanted. For some reason I could hear the operator talking. “I'm at [I'm not writing my address down], there's a crazy man in my room and also a knife.” Then Memory me hung up and dropped his phone back into his pocket.

The man hadn't stopped smiling while I'd called the cops.

“Interesting way you worded that call.” He commented.

“I leave room for interpretation.” I replied. “You want to be straight with me now?”

“But I have been.” He started walking to the door. “You will be seeing more of me in the coming weeks. You and your sister both.”

Clearly that was the last straw. Memory me let the man walk past before trying to stab the man with the hidden knife. The man had obviously been expecting it, if the way he caught the blade was any indication. Then from where the blade had met hand there was a flash of green light and I woke up in Jim's lap.

I sat myself up. “Whelp. I'm a damsel in distress.”

“What are you talking about?” Jim asked me. “If the way you were talking to that man was any indication you're anything but.”

“Nah, that's not how it works.” I turned around so I'd be talking to his face. “Judging by that green light at the end that man was something else. As in, not human. I'd be willing to place bets on him being responsible for our being here. He's definitely more powerful than me, so I'm completely within his control. Helpless and unable to actually do anything, waiting for some dashing knight to save me.”

“And who is this knight?”

“It isn't you sugarcube.”

“A shame. After all you are my type.” Can't say I was expecting that.

“We're going to have to find a way to fight fate. You and I want to get home and I get the feeling that a certain green light emitting man doesn't want us to.”

“We should team up.” Jim exclaimed as if he'd just thought up the best idea ever.

“Team what now?” I asked.

“Well, we both got picked up from earth and dropped in Equestria under similar circumstances, so we should form a team.”

“I get the feeling there's more to it than that.” I really did.

“You'd think that wouldn't you?” He winked.

Ah, I get it now. Shit. “Five.” I blurted, then shook my head. “The only thing I can really think of is asking that Celestia figure all the ponies seem to be infatuated with.”

“Princess Celestia? Yes, I remember her from the purple one's memories.” That's Twilight. “She seems nice.”

“She's the immortal ruler of this place, so she's definitely really powerful. Twilight the Purple is her personal student and apparently has a beeline for letters.” If earlier today was any indication. “Let's just hope she doesn't sic something like a rainbow of friendship on you.”

“Well she just sent Twilight here to study me so I don't think I'll end up burning and impaled on a stake anytime soon.”

“Eh.” I eh'd. “I suggested it because of the whole immortal ruler thing. She might know something about the green light man.”

“That does seem better than fumbling around in the dark.”

“Plan then?”

“That's hardly a plan.” Jim pointed out. “But it's a start.”

“Sweet. Now how do we get out of here?”

“Brace yourself.” Jim said with a grin.

I had only been given one second to compute what Jim said before I found myself back on the streets of ponyville, right in a pillar of fire.

“Shit!” I yelled as I jumped back. I continued spewing profanities as I rolled around on the ground to extinguish my now aflame clothes.

A gasp drew my attention to the ponies surrounding me once my clothes had almost been extinguished. I noticed that the ponies weren't focusing on me, but the fire I'd left behind and that one of my sleeves was still on fire. I extinguished that and directed my attention to the fire.

More specifically, I directed my attention at the thick smoke around the stake in the fire. The smoke that was getting thicker by the second. The smoke that Jim liked to float around as.

Jim started making guttural sounds as he solidified and as I slowly realised what was happening.

“NO!” I yelled and tried to run to Jim and help him. But the heat warded me away. I ran around the fire until I could see Jim's melting face and fell to my knees. “No. Please no.”

Jim started screaming. Maybe he had formed enough to use his voice box. But that burnt away soon after. I didn't plead any more after that. I just watched Jim's face as one by one his eyes formed and connected with mine, pleading for a second before melting down into charred Jim.

Around me the ponies murmured and moved around. They didn't really understand what they were seeing. Twilight tried moving me but I somehow ended up with my hand on her horn, threatening to break it if she didn't leave me alone.

After that I just knelt there, watching the fire burn. Jim's carcass had burnt black long ago and the flames had almost died by the time I fell asleep. It was a long night.

He had ended up burning and impaled on a stake a lot sooner than he'd expected.

The bitter, burning irony.

I suppose I should explain myself somewhat.

I am the one that let Sherry remember our first meeting just now.

I have several names and titles in the areas I influence. But the simplest one I have ever earned is The Unfamiliar. It works because it describes me in the most effective way possible, as I truly am unfamiliar. I have spread my influence across hundreds of civilizations and each has felt as alien to me as they I do to them.

I am doing what I am doing to Sherry because of a contract made with an ancestor of his five hundred years ago. One of the terms was that I would take their first child by the same name once he or she reached a reasonable age and do with them as I pleased.

The matter of Jim is much more recent. I was not expecting him to meet his end so soon or so spectacularly. It seems my old friend chaos has a part to play in the coming games too.

The agreement Jim made with me was related to his sexuality that he was oh-so-subtly hinting at Sherry earlier. It was not that his homosexuality was a sin, but rather it left him with an unrequited love. For Jim was madly in love with a man who was straighter than a ruler. But this did not stop Jim, or as he was known at the time, Clyde, from developing feelings for him, or acting on them.

Clyde eventually found out how to invoke my presence from reading a book his 'crush's' little sister owned and made a deal with me. The deal was simple: Make the man Clyde was in love with love him back. No other conditions.

I did this by fiddling around in the affronted man's head a little, giving him the ability to 'Swing both ways', having him dream about Clyde and by removing Clyde from his life entirely.

It worked like a charm, not that Clyde would ever know. He had unwittingly surrendered himself to me and I do enjoy playing games with lesser beings. So I changed his diet to that of other person's pasts, incurred penalties if he did not feed and gave him a new body of my own design. Then I released him into the world of Equestria.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Author's Note

I need a consistent writing schedule.