Friendship Theologia

Two alicorns sat on a hill top, far above a valley to the north. Their majestic and lithe forms were sullied with a fine paste of blood, dirt, and sweat. The younger (if a millennia old mare could be called younger) and bluer of the two bore a multitude of scrapes and bruises. The whiter of the two had even more scrapes and bruises, but they were obscured as she gently glowed under the light of her own magic. They both emanated frustration, pain, and anger.

“Still nothing.” The white one muttered to herself as she dropped said magic. That nothing had been a 10,000 degree Fahrenheit drop of plasma the size of a small leaf fizzing out of reality as the thaumic bonds holding it together fell apart. It was a literal sundrop, for the silky white coated alicorn was none other than the sun goddess Celestia, diarch of Equestria. The blue one gave Celestia a dejected look.

“Sister, maybe we should try earthquakes again? Surely they can’t be blocking magic all the way down. We have to be able to move something. One fissure is all it would take...” The blue one’s voice trailed off as she struggled to calculate the geological pressures required to split the earth if you started several miles down. “I think.”

“We’re too close to an actual fault line. If we mess with it too much now, we could destabilize a far larger area. The damage would be catastrophic. I... if nothing else works, we try it then.” Celestia answered with a miserable tone. The two alicorns turned back to the valley with sharp frowns.

In the depth of the valley marched a horde of bipedal boars, digger trolls to be exact. They were a nasty brutish species on the average, normally inclined to avoid social structures. These were the exception. Not a total exception, Celestia and Luna could smell their body odor and urine from where they were sitting, most digger trolls relieved themselves on the go, but they were an exception in that they had come together to form a army. A excessively large army.

The blue one tossed another star at the approaching army. It was not a real star as defined by the far more complicated realities that sometimes contained bipedal apes. It was none other than a piece of the firmament itself, a small light barely a hoof across that shone brightly enough to light the way for sailors and was but one stitch in the fabric of a small reality, for the blue sister was none other than Luna, goddess of the night sky. It evaporated before ever striking the foe, same as the others she had dropped. Celestia didn’t bother trying another drop of sunlight.

“Where’s Discord?” Luna inquired, her voice tinged heavily with exhaustion. Discord would normally enjoy watching the two sisters flail themselves uselessly at a problem. He was a god of change and misery.

“Haven’t seen him since he tried the chocolate rain flood.” Celestia muttered solemnly. Neither sister wanted to contemplate what being caught in the magical field would do to them. Discord hadn’t either.

The two sisters stared again at the massive mob of trolls moving through the valley of flowers. They gave a moment of silence to mourn the passing of one of the nicer valleys of Equestria. They had seen the streaks of brown and yellow and dead grass the troll mob left in its wake.

Finding the wake of the troll army had taken a long time. The army of trolls was miles long, literal miles. The ones towards the end reminded the sisters of dung beetles.

Celestia reviewed the map of the nearby fault line. The damage to the unfortunately named nearby city of Clopnhavn would be catastrophic if they tried to go too deep right now. Celestia and Luna hung their heads tiredly.

“Hello… girls” Celestia and Luna both turned surprised at the sound of Discord’s voice. They froze as their eyes focused in on the small snaggle toothed grin on snake’s face. “Miss me?”

Their shock did not last long.

"Discord, where have you been?" Luna demanded, suspicion tinting her voice. The serpent of chaos laughed and simply rolled past her.

“I was worried I wouldn’t find the right dimension. We Discords are rather picky about that.” Both sisters simply rolled their eyes. They’d heard enough of Discords crap about other dimensions.

“Discord, we have a problem here and now, We need to deal with these… these… beasts! before they turn all of Equestria into a cesspit. As much fun as you have tormenting us sometimes, surely better us than them!.” Discord laughed a rather sour mirthful laugh.

“Indeed, which is why I have gone for help.” Discord answered plainly.

“Help?” They inquired with a flat insistence.

“Well, it took a while to convince them, but yes, I have brought help.” Both sisters examined the look on Discord’s face very carefully. "Help traveling at around 480 kilometers per hour." He elaborated unhelpfully.

"Discord," Celestia glanced to Luna for confirmation and then continued, "we demand that you explain." The serpent chuckled with small mirth.

"I'm afraid this will take a while to explain."

"How long?" Luna snapped in, tired both physically and emotionally, her frayed emotions showing through.

"Ohhh, about 1300 years." Discord gave a half chuckle. "That is, if you want a play by play." His grin passed away, which froze the sisters immediately. A serious God of Chaos is a terrifying thing. The sister's racing thoughts as to where the smile went tripped over themselves as a small thrumming filled the air with just a hint of buzzing.

"Changelings?" The elder sister asked tersely.

"My, my, my, such a lack of imagination, my dear Celestia.” Discord answered, a small portion of the laughter in his eyes returning. “Considering your earlier comments, I’m pretty sure you two are in for quite the shock.”

“Earlier comments?” The younger sister mouthed in confusion to the older.

“Yes I.” Discord paused. The sound of the thrumming was getting a little louder. “If I were you I’d cover my ears.” The thrumming grew sharper in note and sound, The two sisters searched the air. Luna paused as she saw something pass through a cloud, It was a good distance away, but she swore it was flying too fast for any pegasus other than one of the two that had helped to strip a demon away from her soul (a story for another time). “I’m telling you, they make these things loud on purpose.”

It was almost like a eagle diving sideways, but it was grey, pointy, and angular. It… before she could warn Celestia it was passing overhead, the thrumming crescendoing into a sound much like a enormous scythe slicing the air around her. It dropped Arcing down in a way that would tear the wings off any eagle. She turned, it was diving towards the digger trolls.

Yes it was fast, but surely one small flying… thing, couldn’t do all that much against such a horde. One large oblong shapes dropped from its hull. Strange.

Luna and Celestia struggled to unpop their ears, the sound of tearing paper barely audible through their afflicted eardrums.  Thrumming filled every decibel of sound that wasn’t sawing or tearing. It was audibly similar to being in a house of stone and wood while it was in the process of being savaged by a group of blind minotaurs wielding saws and sledgehammers.

Celestia was the first to recover and look up. What had once been a cloudy sky tinted green with the vapors of trollshit, was now smoke filled with screaming metal birds passing overhead, others lazily orbiting in the distance breathing strange streams of fire. Off in the distance past the firebreathing metal birds were small fireflies deploying what from this distance looked to be aphids. It was utter and complete madness. In the middle of this was the churning mass of gore that had once been the diggertroll vanguard. The huge mass of gore was impressive, but after quick calculations Luna frowned, the troll army was literally mile long. Even at the rate that the strange metal birdcrafts were churning them up it would take days to work through the group.

“Discord, what have you done?!”