Today was shaping up to be a good day for Equestria’s newest princess. Thanks to her friends’ efforts days before, Twilight had finally gotten over her crippling discontent for the shiny new castle that was her and Spike’s house now. She was even tempted to go as far as to start calling it “home” now. With that issue solved, Twilight had finally been allowed to return to one of her oldest pastimes:
Holing herself up in her room for hours on end with a small mountain of books to keep her company.
Floating several books in front of her for easy reference, Twilight switched between them and the pages on her desk, jotting down paragraphs of information one after another. Curling the last letter with a little more flair than was necessary, she looked down to check her work…
…Only to be greeted by a blank page.
“Huh? What…?” Shifting her gaze away from the parchment, she turned towards the inkwell sitting at the corner of her desk. A quick look confirmed her suspicions: the inkwell was dry as a bone.
And just when I was getting to the good part too. No matter, as she had spare inkwells prepared for just such an occasion. All she had to do was retrieve one from her desk drawer and-
Phheeww!
“Whaaa!” Letting out a very unprincessy squeal, Twilight toppled backwards in her chair, causing her and the chair to come crashing onto the hard crystal flooring below. The books she had been levitating followed seconds later, dropping from their orbit and crashing onto the floor.
As the stars began clearing from Twilight’s vision, she made three quick observations:
One, that floors made of crystal hurt far more than floors made of wood.
Two, her mane was a complete mess now, having been blown out shape by a burst of compressed air. And she’d just gotten it to look the way she liked too!
And three, the pieces of confetti hovering above her head told her that when she had reached for one of her reserve inkwells, she had unknowingly triggered yet another of Pinkie Pie’s hidden confetti cannons.
Twilight groaned. “This stopped being funny after the first few times!”
If it was Pinkie Pie’s mission to make her hate her castle all over again, then she was certainly succeeding. Either that or she was secretly planning to turn the castle into something straight out of a Daring Do story.
Oh sure, she had asked Pinkie to get rid of them, but Pinkie had argued that since their other friends had been allowed to add their own unique touches to the castle (she really needed to come up with a more proper name for it…Friendship Castle maybe?), then why couldn’t she? And then she had pouted, and there was nothing Twilight could do at that point.
What was worse was, when she had actually gone hunting for them on her own, all the scrying spells she knew had inexplicably ended up being useless. The wall in her bedroom had come out of it the worst after she had hurled one of the cannons at it after three separate spells had all come up empty…only for her to then trigger one of the cannons hidden in her bathroom. Her bathroom, for Celestia’s sake!
After picking herself up off the floor and neatly stacking the books next to her desk, Twilight made her way over to her vanity in the hopes that she could get her mane back into proper order. While running the brush through her hair, Twilight came to the same conclusion she had come to the day before: she was just going to have to put up with them for the time being.
Well, she could always just drag Pinkie by the scruff of her neck to the castle and force her to remove them, but that seemed just a little bit too extreme, right? Pinkie couldn’t have hidden too many more and they were bound to run out eventually. Besides, the things had more been annoying than anything actually harmful—
“Waaaahhh!” A cry of alarm echoed from downstairs, followed by the sounds several things crashing into the floor all at once.
“Spike!”
Even Rainbow Dash would have been jealous at the speed with which Twilight galloped through the castle halls at the sound of her number one assistant in distress. Her hooves skidded across the crystal floor as she came to a stop outside the kitchen, where she found Spike lying on his back on the floor in front of the knocked over stool he had clearly fallen from. Several different food items were littered around him, including a whole carton of eggs that had met a grisly and untimely fate on the kitchen floor.
Running over to the downed dragon, Twilight quickly helped him sit up as she checked him over for any injuries. “Spike, are you alright? You’re not hurt, are you?”
“Ugh…” Spike took a moment to wipe egg yolk off his scales before answering, “Yeah, I’m alright. Just caught me off guard is all.”
Once she was sure he wasn’t injured, she asked, “What happened?”
“I don’t know. I was thinking about making us something for lunch, but I couldn’t find the nutmeg. I thought it might be in the top cupboard, so I went to check and…”
Both of them looked up towards the cupboard Spike was referring to, where the familiar nozzle of a cannon could be seen between the spices. A growl scraped past Twilight’s teeth as she yanked the cannon out with her magic, crushing it with the same effort one would an aluminum can before chucking it into the nearby wastebin.
“Geeze, Twilight. Bit much don’t you think?”
“Sorry, it’s just…these things are starting to get to me.”
“Can’t you just get Pinkie to-“
“I already tried, but all she said was that telling me where they were would defeat the purpose of them being hidden in the first place.” Twilight sighed, “We’ll just have to be more careful I guess.”
After helping Spike clean up, she had offered to also help him with lunch, but he had adamantly told her he could take care of it. Having a little time before lunch, Twilight now found herself standing in her new personal library, a room she could have easily fit the entirety of the Golden Oak`s library inside of and still have room to spare. This was her haven, her sanctuary, just the place she needed to be to forget about anything involving confetti or miniature air cannons.
Scanning the walls of potential literature, her eyes fell onto one of her favorite books: her first edition copy of Starswirl the Bearded`s autobiography, Bells and Whistles of the Arcane. Some light reading would do her some good. Resting her hoof against the top of the spine, she began easing it out of place—
Wait…wait a minute. This was far too perfect.
Twilight had read enough Daring Do to know exactly where this was going. Even if there was nothing setting this bookcase apart from the others, all it would take would be for some unsuspecting pony to pull one particular book loose to trigger a chain reaction that would end with her eating a face full of confetti.
No way could Pinkie resist such a perfect set-up!
Putting her hoof down, she took a step back as she gripped the book with her magic and yanked it free. The second it left the confines of its shelf, Twilight dove to the ground and threw her hooves over her face to prevent anything from getting in her eyes. She also threw up a military-grade bubble shield for good measure.
And then… absolutely nothing happened.
After a few more seconds of still nothing, Twilight dispelled her shield and cautiously crept over to the bookcase to peer into the now empty space. The other side of the shelf stared back at her.
Twilight tittered to herself. Okay, now she was just being paranoid. There was no way Pinkie could have predicted that she would pick this exact bookcase over all the others and then decide to read this one book. In what was quickly become an almost subconscious reflex, Twilight drew her hoof to her chest, slowly breathing out as she extended it away from her body.
There was a reason Cadence was guaranteed at least two extra-large boxes of her favorite chocolates for Hearth’s Warming.
With that out of the way, she cracked Bells and Whistles of the Arcane to a random page and—
Phheeww!
The book dropped to the floor as its owner’s magic cut out. Twilight could only stare, horrified at the sight of the scaled down confetti cannon peeking out from between the book’s spine. Part of her briefly wondered how it could have possibly fit in-between the pages without her noticing, but that part was quickly drowned out by far more pressing concerns.
Her books, her one true love…had betrayed her! But…but if Pinkie could have hidden a cannon in this book…then what was to say she hadn’t done so to more?! Her entire library could be a minefield of booby-trapped literature and she wouldn’t even know it!
The sound of something snapping echoed over the silence of the library.
At the same time, Pinkie was serving another one of Sugarcube Corner’s regular customers from behind the counter. Closing the lid on an order of a dozen assorted muffins, she passed it over with her usual level of enthusiasm. “Here you go! One order of super-duper-extra-super muffins to go! Hope you enjoy and please do come aga-ain-ain-ain!”
Every head turned at once as the pink pony began to literally vibrate in place. A creeping sense of dread descended over the room, since even despite the chaos that regularly happened on a weekly basis in Ponyville (more so after Discord had moved in), it was generally a bad sign whenever Pinkie Pie’s “Pinkie Sense” acted up and could mean anything from “apocalyptic fire raining from above” to “I found my keys!”
Clutching her order to her chest, Carrot Top fearfully stepped back as Pinkie’s shakes ended as quickly as they had started. “Uh…Pinkie? Are you okay?” She took another step back, just In case something decided to explode again like last time.
“I’m not sure. But I think I felt a disturbance in the-“
Pop!
Say what you will about Ponyvillians, they were quick when it came to responding to possible threats, diving under tables (or jumping out the open window into the bushes as one pony demonstrated) before the ripple of magical energy had even begun to subside. When several seconds passed without any sign of danger, a few brave souls stuck their heads out to see what they were facing.
What they saw was far worse than they originally thought.
Princess Twilight Sparkle stood posed in the center of the bakery, wings spread in a manner that would make even the most battle hardened of Pegasus back down in fright. Flecks of what appeared to be confetti were sticking out of her mane, and a slight twitch had over taken her right eye. The sound of her teeth grinding together echoed through the now silent bakery as her eyes locked onto one pony in particular.
“Hi, Twilight!”
A pony completely obvious to her impending doom. Unfortunately, Carrot Top had the misfortune of finding herself standing right between the baleful alicorn and the source of her aggression. Later, she would swear her life flashed before her eyes when Twilight took a step towards her.
“H-hello, P-princess. N-n-nice day t-today, isn’t it?”
Twilight didn’t even seem to acknowledge Carrot Top’s presence, walking around her towards the counter. The terrified Earth pony breathed a sigh of relief before bolting for the door like her tail was on fire.
Pinkie still wore the same smile on her face as before. “What can I get you, Twilight? A double chocolate chip muffin? Or an éclair, perhaps? They’re very popular you know and I just finished a fresh batch, so why not try one before- woah!” Whatever more Pinkie was planning on saying was cut off as she was magically lifted up and dragged over the counter by the scruff of her neck, coming within inches of Twilight’s face.
“You!”
“Me!”
Even as angry as she was, Twilight couldn’t help but roll her eyes at Pinkie’s response. “Pinkie, you’re coming with me to the castle right now and helping me find all the confetti cannons you’ve rigged up.”
“Aww…but Twilight! I told you, they’re supposed to be ‘hidden’! What fun would it be if I told you where they were?”
“That was before you booby-trapped one of my books!”
“He-he…books.”
“I don’t care how long it takes, you’re getting rid of every single one of those things or…or…” Twilight paused as an enticing smell wafted past her nose. “That smell…are those—“
Ding!
“Oh, the crullers are done!”
The growl from her stomach reminded Twilight that she hadn’t had lunch yet. The sound did not go unnoticed by the pink party pony, who giggled at her friend’s predicament.
“Sounds like somepony would enjoy a freshly baked honey cruller! Or maybe one with chocolate and cinnamon!”
Twilight was biting her lip at Pinkie’s offer. They smelled so good…just one couldn’t hurt…
Pinkie hummed to herself as she floated in Twilight’s magical grasp. “You know you want to…”
No! She couldn’t afford to get distracted! Pinkie’s cannons had already worked her last nerve and defiled her most treasured of possessions! She would not rest until they were gone, her mind was made up!
Her stomach had other ideas, however.
“Alright, alright! But just one!”
Three donuts and one muffin later…
Standing in the front lobby of the castle, Twilight shoved a list into Pinkie’s face, having just finished it with Spike’s help. “Here, these are all the cannons we’ve ‘found’ so far. Your job is to find the rest.”
Pinkie quickly scanned the list, giggling as she remembered the fun she’d had in hiding them. “Oh, it took forever for me to find a good spot for that one! I’m surprised you were able to find it so quickly!”
The looks on both Twilight’s and Spike’s faces clearly showed that they were not amused by that fact.
As Pinkie got to the end of the list, she looked to Twilight with pleading eyes. “Are you sssuuurrreee you want me to find all of them? I could always leave a few of them alone and just—“
“Yes, I want them all gone! I’ll let you add something else to the décor later if it makes you happy, but right now I don’t want to see another one of those things for a long time.”
Grumbling, Pinkie replied, “Oh alright…party pooper.”
Twilight chose to ignore that last part. “I’m glad that’s settled then. I guess we should start looking for—“
“Stop!”
Twilight froze in place, her hoof raised as she prepared to take a step forward. Looking over, she saw that Pinkie was standing on her hind legs, her front hooves positioned over her face as if she was lining up the perfect picture. “Pinkie Pie, what—“
“Don’t. Move.” Fishing a screwdriver out of her mane, Pinkie put her face low to the ground and stared intently at a spot on the floor right below Twilight’s raised hoof. Tapping the spot with the screwdriver a few times, she then wedged the tip of the tool into the flooring, which surprisingly caused a small panel of crystal flooring to pop up. Lo and behold, one of the smaller cannons was nestled within a hole no bigger than a horseshoe.
“There you are!” Lifting the cannon out of the recess, she pressed a small button on the cannon’s base, disarming the device with a small “click”. “That was a close one, wasn’t it?”
Twilight had yet to move, only now her mouth was hanging open in disbelief. “You…you hid one under the floor? But…but h-“ Just in the nick of time, the alicorn managed to clamp her mouth shut before she could utter the dreaded “h” word in response to Pinkie’s antics. She knew more than anyone that only madness lay down that path.
“Yep! Ooh! I just remembered I hid one in the exercise room! Follow me!”
As Pinkie hopped away down the hall, Twilight turned to Spike and asked the question they were both thinking.
“We have an exercise room?”
Hours later, Pinkie had managed to find and disarm all of the remaining confetti cannons. Once more Twilight and her were standing in the front lobby, only now Pinkie was wearing a pair of saddlebags bulging at the brim with the disarmed contraptions. “No use in letting them go to waste!” she had said.
“And that’s the last of them!”
Twilight peeked over her list as she checked off the latest one, eyeing Pinkie with just a hint of scepticism. “Now, you’re sure that’s the last one? You haven’t forgotten or purposely left one for me to stumble upon later?”
“Yeppers! Just as I’m sure that a batch of Mr. Cakes’ hazelnut brownies needs exactly two and a half cups of sugar for them to be just right!”
Pinkie knew her baking recipes, so who was she to argue with that? “Glad that’s finally done with. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some work to catch up on. See you later, Pinkie.”
“Oki-Doki! Bye bye!” Pinkie waved as Twilight walked off down the main hallway. Turning towards the doors, she was already brimming with ideas on what she could do with all the cannons she had collected. However, as her hoof touched the door, something suddenly occurred to her.
“Wait…was it two and a half cups of sugar or three?”
Phheeww!
“PIIIINNNNKKKKIIIIEEEE!”