Maud and Rainbow Play Rock-Paper-Scissors

by Dubs Rewatcher

Rating: everyone
Tags: Equestria Girls, Maud Pie, Slice of Life, Pinkie Pie (EqG), Rainbow Dash (EqG)
Length: 2906

Following a tense argument at one of Pinkie's sleepovers, Maud challenges Rainbow to a round of her favorite game, Rock-Paper-Scissors, to decide who gets to make the rules while Pinkie's parents are away. Rocks and dramatic irony ensue.

It's Saturday night, which for Rainbow Dash means only one thing: sleepover at Pinkie's place! Rainbow is ready to party all night, chugging down sodas, hanging out with her best friend, and playing loads of violent video games.

The only problem: Pinkie's parents are out of town, which means that Maud has been left in charge. And as far as Rainbow is concerned, Maud is totally determined to ruin, like, all of their fun.

Following an argument about bedtimes, Maud challenges Rainbow Dash to a round of her favorite game, Rock-Paper-Scissors. If Rainbow wins, she gets to stay up as late as she wants. If Maud wins, Rainbow has to obey every word she says. It's a battle for the ages, and only one thing is certain: there will be rocks.

Now with a reading by PonyStemCell!

Art by Indigo114. Inspired by an anecdote from Roger Dodger, and requested by Not_A_Hat. Thanks to Not_A_Hat and Titanium Dragon for prereading.

Published 2015-06-02 12:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-02 12:40:02 UTC

Maud and Rainbow Play Rock-Paper-Scissors

A squeak escaped Rainbow’s throat as a storm of fiery whips flew by her head. Cursing, she threw herself to the ground—only to look up and see burning laser wall ripping through the concrete, headed straight for her. She only just barely rolled out of the way as it sped past, blinding her with its purple glow and cutting off her path.

She snorted and looked around the area for another exit... there, right across the courtyard. She ran over to a weak looking door and tossed a grenade. She chuckled as the glorious sound of splitting steel cut through the air.

Through the newly-made doorway, just a few yards away, stood a bulky space marine, bathed in neon pink armor. Soon, though, she would be bathed in red.

Rainbow beamed and took aim, pointing her laser rifle straight at PaRtY_QuEeNXOXO’s head.

A moment later, the air itself turned to fire. A thunderous explosion tore through Rainbow’s eardrums. Then, silence.

“ShadowBolt16 wins.”

“Yes!” Rainbow yipped, thrusting her controller into the air. “Ha ha! Fifth game in a row, baby!”

“Awwww!” Pinkie whined, slumping into her beanbag chair. “I never win at this game.”

Rainbow shot Pinkie a smirk. “It’s a shooting game, Pinks. If you want to win, maybe you should, y’know, shoot?”

“But the fancy robot suits look so cool!” Pinkie said, pointing at the two colorful space marines on the screen. “Why would I want to blow them up?”

Shaking her head, Rainbow turned back to the screen and tightened her grip on the sweat-streaked controller, ready for another easy game. As the adrenaline rushed through her veins, she didn’t even care that Pinkie Pie barely knew how to play. There was a lightness in her chest, and a tingling electricity coursing through her veins—she knew this feeling. She loved this feeling.

It was the feeling of winning.

Murmuring the words to “Awesome as I Wanna Be” under her breath, she flicked the cursor to the ‘Rematch’ option—

There was a click, and the video game was replaced by a blank black screen.

“What the heck?” Rainbow said, scowling. She looked at Pinkie Pie, whose hand was moving away from the ‘Power’ switch. “What are you doing? Aren’t we gonna play again?”

“Sorry, Dashie.” Pinkie smiled and stood up to turn off the TV. “It’s time for bed!”

Rainbow darted a glance at the clock. “Pinkie, it’s only midnight.”

“Yeah!” Pinkie chirped. “I know! It’s already past my bedtime!”

“Since when do you have a bedtime?” Rainbow asked. “What happened to ‘Pinkie Parties from Dusk ‘til Dawn’?”

“Our last sleepover happened.” For the first time since Rainbow had arrived that night, Pinkie frowned. As she stashed her Playsphere controllers away, she sighed and said, “We stayed up all night and were super loud, and my parents got really mad at me, so they gave me a bedtime. If they find out that we’ve been staying up late again, they’ll take away my whipped cream for sure!”

“Uh, Pinkie? Your parents aren’t even here. They’re at that weird boulder festival, or whatever.”

“It’s the 86th Annual Granite and Marble Merchants Conference,” Pinkie corrected. “It’s the most important rock conference of the season!”

“Whatever,” Rainbow repeated. She got up off the floor and flopped backwards onto Pinkie’s bed. “They’re not here. So how the heck are they gonna even know if we stay up all night or not? Are you gonna tell ‘em?”

“No, I guess not…”

“Then who’s gonna stop me from being as loud as I want?”

Pinkie didn’t respond at first—she just took a few furtive glances around. Then, leaning close enough in that Rainbow could smell her sugar-coated breath, Pinkie whispered: “Maud.”

“Maud?” Rainbow said, raising a brow. “Your older sister?”

“Yep! She’s in charge while my mom and dad are away.” Pinkie took another quick glance over at the door. “She’s probably asleep now, but if we wake her up, she’s gonna be so mad!”

Rainbow smirked. “Your sister can get mad? I’d love to see that.”

“No, you don’t!” Pinkie cried, shaking her head. “Maud is super scary when she’s mad! She gets all frowny and still, and she speaks in this weird low voice—“

“That’s how she is all the time, Pinkie.” Rainbow chuckled. “And, like, no offense or anything, but I don’t think Maud is really the authority type. She’s, what, a year older than us? And besides, she seems like the kind of girl who just lets things happen, y’know?”

“That’s what my sister Limestone said,” Pinkie murmured, sitting down next to Rainbow and grabbing her hand tight. “But then she tried to have a piece of the cake I made without finishing all of her vegetables! And then Maud”—Pinkie gulped—“she did something so terrible…”

Rainbow’s smile weakened a bit. “What’d she do?”

“She—oh, I can’t say it!” Pinkie touched her hand to her heart and shook her head. “It was just so totally mean and scary!”

“What was it?” Rainbow asked, shaking Pinkie’s shoulder. A wave of nausea was rolling through her stomach. “What did Maud do?”

“She…”

“Yes?”

“She…!”

“What?!”

“Maud took away Limestone’s sand collection!” Pinkie wailed, long arcs of tears flying from her eyes.

Rainbow grumbled as one of the waterfalls came crashing down on her head. Rolling off the bed and wringing out her hair, she muttered, “That’s it? She just took away some stupid sand?”

Pinkie stopped crying for long enough to gasp. Throwing her fists to her hips, she stated, “Dashie! Sand is not stupid! Sand is a bunch of cute tiny baby rocks—how can you not think it’s amazing?”

“I swear, I will never understand your family’s obsession with rocks,” Rainbow spat, lidding her eyes. “But seriously, that’s it? If I’m loud, she’s gonna take away my sand?”

“Well, maybe she won’t, but still!” Pinkie touched a finger to Dash’s shoulder. “I don’t wanna get Maud mad. Let’s just go to bed and—“

Rainbow sprinted over to the TV and hit the ‘Power’ button, before grabbing the remote and turning the volume up to max.

“Dashie!” Pinkie sputtered, leaping to her feet. “Stop! You’re gonna get all my whipped cream taken away!”

“What was that?” Rainbow asked as the sound of a car exploding boomed from the tiny TV’s speakers. “Sorry, can’t hear ya! Two Guys Blowing Stuff Up is having a weekly marathon! Have you seen this episode?”

Pinkie Pie leaped for the remote, but before she could land Rainbow grabbed it and ran. Rainbow hopped up onto Pinkie’s bed and held it high above her head. As Pinkie jumped and squealed, Rainbow just laughed.

“You’re gonna have to try harder!” Rainbow said, pushing Pinkie off the bed for the fourth time. “You want the remote, right? Come and get it!”

Rainbow was so busy keeping Pinkie away, in fact, that she didn’t even notice the ceiling fan spinning above her. Just as Pinkie let out a thunderous yelp and grabbed Rainbow’s shirt to pull her down, Rainbow lifted the remote as high into the air as she could reach—only to lose it as she shoved the remote straight into the path of the fan’s blades. Rainbow squeaked in pain as the remote rocketed out of her hand.

A sharp crack shot through the room as the remote hit the bedroom door. A few tiny pieces of black plastic shrapnel popped out when it landed, spilling across the floor.

Rainbow and Pinkie gawked. The TV continued to blare.

There was a knock at the door.

“Pinkie?” Maud asked through the door. “Are you alright?”

“Oh crud, oh crud!” Pinkie stammered, tugging at her ragged curls. “I’m gonna get grounded until I’m as old as Granny Pie! Game over, Dashie! Game over!”

“Would you be quiet?!” Dash hissed, jumping off the bed. She ran to the TV and jammed on the ‘Volume Down’ button until it was muted before turning to the door and yelling, “She’s fine! Everything’s fine! Nothing’s wrong!”

A moment of silence.

“I’m coming in,” Maud said.

The door creaked as it opened, and the two girls could only stare as Maud walked in, clothed in a plain white T-shirt and boxer shorts. Her eyes were lidded, and her mouth was no more than a thin line. She took a few steps forward, gaze flitting between Pinkie and Rainbow, before stopping.

Her eyes grew a centimeter wider. Without a word, she lifted her right foot and removed a sharp piece of remote shrapnel that had lodged itself in her heel. She spent a moment staring at it. She looked at the cracked remote, still lying just a few feet away. She looked back to the shrapnel. Back to the remote. Back to the shrapnel.

“Who did this?” she asked.

A chill spilling down her back, Rainbow opened her mouth and prepared an excuse—but before she could muster even a word, Pinkie Pie jabbed a finger straight at her head. She let her excuse go in a loud sigh.

Maud blinked. “Why did you break the remote control?”

“It was an accident, okay?” Rainbow said, looking away. “Things just got a bit rowdy, and it broke. That’s it.”

“Mhm.” Maud didn’t move. “That reminds me. You two should be in bed.”

“We were just going!” Pinkie chirped, adding in a stiff laugh for good measure. She elbowed Dash in the side. “Right, Dashie?”

Rainbow rolled her eyes and started to agree, if only for Pinkie's sake—but stopped before she said a word. She hung like that for a moment, lips parted slightly, looking Maud straight in the eye. She took a deep breath.

“No,” Rainbow said.

Maud stared. “No?”

“Nope,” Rainbow repeated, turning up her nose. “Not going to bed. It’s only midnight—me and Pinkie here are staying up all night.” Before Pinkie could object, Rainbow wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her into a tight embrace, squashing Pinkie’s head against her side.

Maud let go of the shrapnel bit, letting it hit the ground with a plink. She walked toward Rainbow, only stopping when she was just a step or two away.

“You’re going to bed,” Maud said.

“Nuh-uh.” Rainbow held Pinkie tighter and ignored her squirming. “We’re staying up.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yeah, we are!” Rainbow scoffed as Pinkie managed to pull away. “In case you haven’t noticed, me and Pinkie are seventeen. We’re adults, and we don’t need babysitters.”

Quiet. Rainbow and Maud stared at one another, the former’s eyes narrowed into sharp slits, and the latter’s still half-closed, as if the argument was putting her to sleep.

Rainbow knew Maud was no more threatening than a pebble—and yet, as the staring contest went on, she couldn’t help but feel her arms start to tense. Her eyes flitted across every inch of Maud’s unmoving face, searching for some sign, any sign of weakness. Pinkie watched from the bed, wringing her hands, chewing on her bangs.

But just as Rainbow felt her clenched teeth aching, felt her mouth going dry, it happened.

Maud smiled.

Rainbow’s legs nearly buckled. She gulped down a yelp and muttered, “What are you so happy about?”

“It’s nothing,” Maud said, throwing away her grin. “I was just wondering what it would take for you to listen to me.”

“A million dollars?” Rainbow tried, smirking. “A soccer ball signed by Fleetfoot?”

“A game,” Maud said.

Rainbow’s eyes lit up—but just as quickly went dark. She shot Maud a sideways glance and said, “What kind of game?”

Maud paused for a moment before saying, “Rock-paper-scissors.”

Pinkie stifled a hardy gasp with both hands. Rainbow simpered. “Rock-paper-scissors? Seriously?”

“Seriously,” Maud said, nodding. “Best out of three. If you win, you can stay up for as long as you’d like. If I win, you listen to me.”

Rainbow licked her lips. She stared deep into Maud’s eyes, searching for something to call a bluff—but there was nothing. She swore under her breath.

“Deal,” Rainbow said after a moment. As Pinkie took in another screeching gasp, Rainbow spit into her hand and offered it to Maud.

Without a moment of hesitation, Maud spit into her own hand and returned the gesture. Rainbow marveled at Maud’s strength; she shook with the strength of three grown men, throwing Rainbow’s arm around like a wet noodle, and very nearly lifting her into the air with every swing.

The two took a step away from one another, gazes still locked. Pinkie’s teeth chattered. Rainbow could feel an uncomfortable heat spreading across her torso. Maud just sniffed.

Rainbow forced out a chuckle. “Just so you know, I’m totally awesome at this game.”

“It’s a favorite of mine as well,” Maud said. “But before we begin, I should warn you: rock always wins.”

“…Excuse me?” Rainbow frowned. “What the heck does that mean?”

“Rock always wins.” Maud lifted her fist into the air, ready to begin. “That’s all it means.”

Rainbow was still for a few seconds before shaking away the hesitation and following Maud’s lead. The two were nearly symmetrical, frozen in their battle stances, waiting for the other to make a move. A few viscous seconds passed, with no more movement than the heaving of Pinkie’s chest.

Rainbow grinned and brought her fist down. Maud followed suit.

“Rock—paper—scissors—shoot!”

Rainbow threw her hand down flat, palm turned to the floor: paper.

Maud kept her hand balled up: rock.

“Ha ha!” Rainbow barked, pumping her fist. “Round One goes to Rainbow the Awesome, Queen of Everything Cool!” She shot a glance up at Maud. “Guess rocks don’t win every time, huh?”

“We aren’t finished,” Maud noted, raising her arm again. “Things may change.”

“Uh-huh,” Rainbow intoned, holding back a laugh. “Whatever you say.” Rainbow tensed her arm, ready to bring it down.

Rock always wins… what does that even mean? Rainbow thought, allowing herself a quiet giggle. Never give away your strategy. She’s gonna pick paper now because I won with it, so I should pick…

“Rock—paper—scissors—shoot!”

Rainbow threw down a peace sign: scissors.

Maud kept her fists clenched again: rock.

Rainbow scowled. “What?!”

“Is something wrong?” Maud asked, raising her hand again.

“No!” Rainbow yipped. She took a breath. “I mean… no. Everything’s fine. You just got lucky. I must have, like, calculated wrong or whatever.”

“There are no calculations necessary. Rock always wins.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know!” Rainbow said. She raised her arm, making sure to bring it even higher than Maud’s. “Just shut up and play.”

The air with thick with both anticipation and Rainbow’s sweat. She could feel an ocean pooling in her armpits as Maud stared her down. Maud’s face hadn’t changed the entire game—she forever wore that unflinching, unfeeling, granite frown. At their side, Pinkie clutched her stuffed alligator to her chest. At some point she had pulled out a bag of popcorn, and was already about halfway through.

Rainbow clicked her tongue. Okay, Dash, this is easy. It’s easy. 'Rock always wins.' Just play paper and—no! That’s her plan! She’ll be expecting that! You’re gonna put down paper and she’s gonna put down scissors, so you should put down rock. But what if she knows that I’m gonna put down rock and puts paper? Ugh, that’s—

Maud tossed her arm down. “Rock—“

Crap, crap, crap! Rainbow’s mind screamed as she hurried to catch up. Okay, not rock! Not rock! That’s her plan! So scissors?

“Paper—“

No, no! That’s the most basic move ever! She’ll see it coming and smash me! So I should put paper…?

“Scissors—“

No, no! Rock! But then you should do scissors to take her out. But then she’ll catch me with paper, so I should do scissors! No, rock. No, scissors. No, paper! No, rock! No—

“Shoot!”

Rainbow Dash threw down a shuddering peace sign: scissors.

Maud threw down another rock.

She looked up. “I win.”

Rainbow shrieked and threw her hands to her head, falling backwards onto her rear. “No!” she cried, tugging at her hair. “No, no! How did I lose?! All you did was play rock!”

“I told you,” Maud said, grabbing a popcorn kernel from Pinkie’s bag. “Rock always wins.” Maud walked to the doorway and touched her finger to the light switch. “Goodnight, Pinkie.”

Pinkie waved. “Goodnight, Maudie! Sleep tight!”

Maud smiled. “Goodnight, Rainbow Dash.”

Rainbow screamed again.

There was a click, and the lights went off, flooding the room with darkness. Maud closed the door, leaving Pinkie and Rainbow alone. The room was quiet but for the steady crunch of Pinkie’s teeth against the popcorn.

Rainbow lay in the center of the floor, limbs splayed out across the carpet. She stared up at the ceiling fan, still spinning away, not a care in the world. Her eyes were wide, and her breaths were ragged, coming out more as growls than anything. There was a tightness in her chest, and an awful nausea in her stomach—she knew this feeling. She hated this feeling.

It was the feeling of losing.

She let out a shaking sigh through gritted teeth and covered her eyes. Rainbow may have been totally mature, and maybe she didn’t need a babysitter, but Rainbow was also loyal. A deal was a deal; as much as she hated it, she had to go to sleep. She lifted herself up—

“Y’know,” Pinkie whispered through the darkness, “this is what happens when you say sand is stupid.”

Rainbow paused for a moment before laying back down, silent.