Hotel Room 1043

An hour and a half later...

I'm going to tear my lungs out if I ever hear another techno song in my life... She finally turns it off. "Thank you." I say, sitting down on the couch. She nods. "Okay, so you're here because of a portal. Do you remember where the portal was?"

"Next to this GIANT white column. Like, straight up to the sky!" she says, making absurd hand- er... hoof-motions as she says every word. I giggle.

"Okay," I say, regaining my seriousness. "That's the Washington monument. We should be able to get there in an hour if-" Suddenly a newscast comes on.

"THIS JUST IN! A large amount of people have gathered at the Washington Monument because of a giant conference! It ends... in two days!  But why should you care? It's a boring monument! ALSO RAINSTORMS AND TRAFFIC. Peace out, suckas!" the bobble-headed beach blonde says, before walking off the set.

"FFFFFFFARFIGNEWTON." I say, stopping myself from cursing.

"Well, we're doomed. Unless, of course, Twilight tries to cast a spell to find me and then puts a portal directly where I am!" she says. Damn, she stays hopeful throughout anything!

"I doubt it. Going to have to stay in this hotel. Do you like wine?" I say, walking over to the mini-bar.

"White or red?"

I check the mini-bar. "White."

"HAY YES!" she yells, walking to the bar stool.

I pour her a glass of the wine.

"Ya know? You're adorable..." she slurs. She can't hold her liquor? After two glasses, she's a stumbling mess!

"Oh, stop it." I say, smiling.

"I MEAN IT. You... you're cuter than most stallions I meet." the inebriated pony says.

"Nah... I'm not that handsome. I'm average. You should see Ryan Gosling! Now, there's the most handsome man on Earth!" I say. She giggles, gets off of the stool, and stumbles over to me.

"Well, he didn't offer to help me!" she says, putting her head on my shoulder. Note to self, get a room with taller chairs.

"True, true. I'm glad someone thinks I'm handsome." I say, turning to look at her.

"What d'ya mean?" she asks, raising her head off of my shoulder.

"Well, the only reason I'm in this hotel is because my girlfriend dumped me..." I say, my eyes drifting to the floor.

"I would never dump you." she says, sounding... less drunk?

"Really? We're completely different species. You'd have to! Unless your friends know how to change other things into ponies."

"They do, of course!" she says, even less drunk. Wow, she sobers up quick!

"Well, I'll remember that. I may have to go with you! I need a break from this place." I say, somewhat happy.

"BREAKING NEWS!" another voice booms from the TV. "The conference was cancelled on account of rain, and traffic is stopped. It's still raining, so don't leave your house for a day."

I look at the clock. It's midnight, so the day after tomorrow. Wow, that was a bad choice of words for a day filled with thunderstorms. "We can go tomorrow. Until then we're stuck in here. Want to watch Encore?"

"What's that?" she asks.

"Movies on TV." I say, getting up.

"What's TV?"

Dammit.

"You know, Willem Dafoe shouldn't have gone to that mansion."

"Yeah, Il Duce may have had a harder time getting to The Saints, though."

"What else is on?"

"Cartoons."

"Let's watch 'em!"

"Cool." I flip the TV to Boomerang. Powerpuff Girls. Seems fitting to allow this character to watch a show made by her creator.

We fell asleep sometime around 4:00 AM. I woke up with her head on my chest. She had probably fell asleep to the rhythm of my breathing. Or the TV, can't be sure. I turn off the TV and get out from underneath her. I made sure not to wake her up, and walked over to the phone. I dialed room service and ordered fried eggs. It was 2 o' clock, but hell. They brought the food, which I accepted at the door, and I brought it inside. She woke up as the smell of eggs wafted through the room.

"Eggs? Sweet!" she says before walking up to me and grabbing one of the plates.

"You... like eggs?" I say, which is a rather stupid question.

"OF COURSE! It's the only way I can get protein without being a cannibal or a slut..." she winks at me after saying the last words.

"Uh-huh." I say, sitting down and starting to eat.

"Ya know, this isn't that bad of a place! This world, I mean." she says, devouring the eggs.

"You haven't seen the worst news... This nation is in a war, people are dying of new diseases everyday, suicide, rape, murder... TOO MUCH TO HANDLE." I sigh, looking at her. "You guys don't have to deal with that, you're ponies! Your main goal is to create happiness and friendship!"

"Nah, we have war. Not but every 200 years or so, but... you're right, this place does kinda suck." she says. She then bursts into laughter. I do too.

Jesus Christ, I'm in love with a freakin' horse.