Every Displaced Fic Ever

by The Good Dark Lord

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Princess Celestia, Sex, Random, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Human, Main 6, Other, Princess Luna, Original Character
Length: 5332

Stupid teenager dresses up as your favorite villain from your favorite movie/show/book/game, buys an amulet from The Merchant, is sent to Equestria, Celestia imprisons him for 1,000 years, he breaks free and goes on a quest for revenge.

We all love reading Displaced stories. Don't deny it they're your guilty pleasure. But yeah they're also very predictable and tend to follow a pattern of cliches. So here's a short story that depicts the general outline of every Displaced fic ever.

So some stupid teenager dresses up as your favorite villain from your favorite movie/show/book/game, goes to Comic Con, buys a magical amulet from The Merchant, is sent to Equestria, Celestia imprisons him in stone for 1,000 years because apparently she's secretly evil, he breaks free and goes on a quest for revenge. Also unlike 99% of all other Displaced fics this story actually has an ending.

Rated M for some gore, a few sex jokes, and a f***ton of swearing.

Published 2015-06-30 18:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-30 18:10:02 UTC

You've read the same story 100 times before, so instead of wasting your time with 30+ chapters, here's the whole story in 1!

Author's Note

WARNING: If you do not like stupid troll fics, Displaced stories or parodies in general, LEAVE NOW!

WARNING: If you do not like over the top Ron The Death Eater depictions of your favorite little ponies, TURN BACK NOW!

WARNING: If you have no sense of juvenile humor, GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!

You've read the same story 100 times before, so instead of wasting your time with 30+ chapters, here's the whole story in 1!

Hi there my name's *bottle crash* and I'm 17 years old. I have a dark and troubled backstory in which my parents were brutally murdered and I did drugs. That makes me totally relatable to all of you.

I'm going to Comic Con dressed up as your favorite villain from your favorite movie/show/book/game. I look fairly menacing but it's only a costume so it's okay. Did I mention that I'm going to Comic Con by myself? Because apparently teenagers like me have the money to afford Comic Con tickets, and can go there by themselves in the first place.

The entrance guy stopped me. "Ticket please."

I gave him my ticket. "Name please."

"My name is *car horn*."

"Right then. Have a nice day, nerd."

Just for that I punched him in the face and he went flying into the wall. All the other tough guys were immediately cowed by me. This makes me relatable to you guys because apparently all teenagers are hardcore badasses that make any soldier or martial artist look like a wimp in comparison. Also I was not charged with assault because apparently that's how real life works.

So I had fun at Comic Con for a few hours, and when it ended that evening I walked out of the building. I was on the way to my car (which is a super awesome lambo that is in every way better than your car) when some guy wearing a trench coat and a fedora stepped out from the alley I was walking by. His face was covered in shadow. "Hey kid, c'mere. I wanna sell ya something." He stepped backwards into the dark alley.

Seems legit. I followed him.

"So what's yer name kid?" He asked.

"I'm *jackhammer*."

"Heh, nice name. But where are my manners? I am The Merchant, and I've got a hell of a deal for you."

"Whatcha got?"

He pulled some kind of amulet out of his pocket. "See this? This would look pretty good with your costume. I'll sell it to ya for ten bucks."

"Deal." We shook hands. I gave him the money and he gave me the amulet.

I put the amulet around my neck. "Hey this does look pretty good on me." My eyelids began to droop. "And why... why am I so sleepy..."

The Merchant simply smiled at me. "You'll find out soon enough, heh heh..."

I blacked out.

I woke up in a forest. The first thing I did after standing up was feel my ass. To my pleasant surprise I was not butt fucked while unconscious. Don't ask how I can tell, I just can.

I then realized that my costume was now the real deal, and I had super powers now. "Hey, maybe that Merchant guy wasn't so bad after all!" I would soon come to eat those words.

So I walked through the forest and met a pack of timberwolves. Oh my god! I must be in the Everfree Forest! That means I'm in Equestria! I'm in My Little Pony!

So the timberwolves attacked me and I killed them all with my superpowers. Then a manticore attacked me and I killed it with my superpowers. Then a cockatrice attacked me, and since its petrifying stare had no affect on me for no reason I killed it with my superpowers. Did I mention that I love animals and hate killing? Aren't I just relatable to you all?

So I exited the Everfree Forest and saw some ponies tending to crops in a field. "Ponies!" I walked up to the ponies. "Hello there!"

The ponies looked at me. "Oh look. Something completely different from us that we've never seen before and is fairly scary looking. Clearly it's an evil monster out to spread misery and chaos and wants to eat us and rape us and sell us insurance scams! Kill it!"

The ponies suddenly formed a mob and spawned torches and pitchforks. I backed up. "Hey come on guys, I'm sure we can talk about this like civilized people."

"Shut up! We're ponies, the most harmonious and perfect and saintly creatures in existence! We're never wrong! Now die faggot!"

The ponies started poking me with the torches and pitchforks. The pain was unbearable. "Ah! Oh! Ah! The pain! Ah!"

I pushed one of the ponies back and he fell back on his rump. The other ponies gasped. "He DARED to retaliate against us! See how evil he is?!"

A bright light shown down from the sky and blinded me. "HALT FOUL BEAST!" I looked up to see Princesses Celestia and Luna flying at me. They landed between me and the pony mob. "Your reign of terror ends here, villain!" Celestia screamed at me.

Luna smirked. "What a pitiful creature. It has no chance against us. Ponies are the Master Race, and we Alicorns are GODS of that Master Race!"

"I didn't do anything." I flatly said.

"LIAR!" Celestia screamed with a stomp of her hoof. "I sensed a powerful force of magic be summoned within the Everfree, THEN I saw you begin INTIMIDATING my precious little ponies, THEN I saw you ATTACK one of my precious little ponies!"

"You mean our little ponies, right?" Luna asked.

Celestia raised a hoof and struck Luna across the face. "Silence you fool! They are MY little ponies!" Luna was on the ground crying. Celestia turned back to me. "Now what to do with you, monster."

"I have a name you know."

"Really now. What is it?"

"I actually have many names. I am known across many worlds as Anon, Mous, Gary, Marty, Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, among others. I will not tell you my real name, but you may call me... Displace."

Celestia sneered. "Well then, Displace, your end has come. I can sense just from scanning you that you are more powerful than I, therefore you cannot be trusted and must be taken down. Only I can be trusted to have such power. Also I know next to nothing about you and you are different from anything I have ever seen. You cannot be trusted to roam free among my little ponies. Also you're not white and beautiful like me so you're obviously evil." Celestia kicked Luna in the gut. "Get up sister! We must use the Elements of Harmony to defeat this monster!"

Luna weakly and nervously got up. "Y-yes sister." She flinched away when Celestia raised a hoof again, but relaxed when Celestia set her hoof down.

I turned to run away, and actually made a little distance, when Celestia grabbed me with her magic and slammed me on the ground over and over again. "Might makes right, and since I am the mightiest therefore I am the most right and blessed," she said as she continued to beat me up with her satanic god tier powers.

She slammed me on the ground a final time before releasing me. I let out a weak "Ow" and staggered to my feet with what little strength I had left.

Celestia and Luna floated up in the air as the Elements swirled around them. A rainbow beam shot down at me and hit me, causing me to turn into a statue feet first. The last thing I saw before I was completely encased in stone was Celestia's smug face. "I always win," she said.

So after that Celestia had my statue form transported to Canterlot and placed in her statue garden. Has anybody ever realized how fucked up that is? Displaying your petrified enemies in a garden like a trophy sounds like something an insane dictator would do. Oh, wait, that's right. Clearly Celestia has been having tea with the White Witch.

Anyways, after being placed in the garden I sat there in that same spot for one thousand and two fucking years. The birds loved to shit on me. Once a year Celestia would have a pony clean me up, but sometimes she forgot or purposefully didn't so I had to wait a couple years before getting a good scrubbing and rinse.

I was completely self aware the whole time. I didn't need to breathe or eat or drink, but neither could I sleep, nor could I see, and I could hear everything around me the whole time. Ponies would come by and gawk at me, talk smack about me, say how I was such a terrible villain of the past and bullshit like that.

At first, I was scared. Then, I was in despair. Then I was mad. THEN I went cuckoo bananas insane. And then, get this, I became so insane that my mind looped back around to stable sanity. So now I'm just vengeful.

One day, a miracle happened. My stone prison began to crack. I struggled, and the cracks spread. The stone shattered and I fell onto the ground on my hands and knees, gasping for breath. Freedom! It smells so sweet! I should rob the liquor store on the way out.

I looked up to see a weird dragon thing with wings and antlers. "Well this is a surprise," the hybrid thing said as he floated in midair, "I knew I had a cellmate, but you aren't anywhere near what I imagined."

His voice sounded familiar. "Q? Is that you?"

He blinked. "What? No, I'm Discord."

"Oh, sorry. I thought you were someone I knew. I'm Displace by the way."

"Ah, okay. Well toodles! I have lots of chaos to spread!" Discord disappeared with a flash of light.

I stood up and dusted myself off. I thought about what I should do next. Then it came to me. I held a fist in the air and yelled "VENGEANCE!" Then I snuck out of Canterlot and boarded the caboose of a train that was leaving.

The train stopped at Ponyville and I stealthily got the hell outta there. As I was sneaking away I noticed some ponies transporting a statue that looked an awful lot like that Discord guy I met a while ago. ...Wait, that IS him! Damn he got taken down in no time! I don't wanna be a statue again!

So I did the smart thing and left town.

Some time later in Canterlot, the ponies finished their celebration of Discord's defeat. Celestia retreated to her quarters and started looking over reports. She frowned upon seeing that the changeling orphanages were late on their taxes. Oh well, she'll just have to burn them down. A guard suddenly burst through her doors and ran up to her. "Princess Celestia! I bring bad news!"

Celestia gave the guard an annoyed look. "What happened?"

"We have recently discovered that Discord was not the only statue prisoner to escape! Displace is free!"

Celestia slammed a hoof on the ground. "How could you let some dumb ape slip through your hooves? You have failed me!" Celestia then vaporized the guard with her satanic sun powers, reducing the screaming stallion to a pile of ash. Celestia swept up the ash pile with a broom and tray and dumped it in her fireplace. "I'm a monarch and a goddess. That means I can get away with murder, ha ha!"

Another guard entered her room. "Your Majesty, is something the matter?"

"Actually, yes. Go get the Elements of Harmony before they leave for that backwater town. I need to inform my most powerful pawns of the enemy they will be hunting."

The guard saluted and left. Celestia liked guards like that. Quiet obedience. Why couldn't everyone in the world wisen up and bow to her flawless authority?

Celestia waited for a half hour when the guard returned with the six main characters of the show. "Got lucky your Majesty," the guard said, "They missed the train and were just waiting there."

"You are dismissed," Celestia said with a wave of her hoof. The guard bowed and left. Celestia turned to the Mane Six with a smile. "Ah, it is good to see you all again so soon."

Twilight Sparkle's right hoof shot into the air at a diagonal angle. "Heil Celestia! Your High Priestess has returned! I live to serve you!"

Celestia smiled down at Twilight. It was times like this that made her glad that she did not kill Twilight when she was a filly, and instead manipulated the would be threat into her most loyal follower. "It is good to know that, my loyal pony."

Rainbow Dash flew forward. "Duh! Me Rainbow Dash most loyal pony! Duh!"

Applejack chuckled. "We know ya are Dashie. Now let's go wrangle whatever varmint is causin' trouble fer our utopia so we can call it a day and get home. Them zebra slaves ain't gonna whip themselves, and Big Mac's gettin' lonely~"

Rarity rolled her eyes. "Darling, you really should set your standards higher. You should find yourself a fine gentlepony of great wealth and looks. That way should he suffer an... accident, you can be rich and say you had some great sex."

Pinkie Pie laughed. "HA HA HA! Oh that's a good one Rarity! Of course a fucking slutty gold digger like you would call murder an 'accident'! AH HA HA HA!" Pinkie pulled a pencil out of nowhere. "Anypony wanna see a magic trick?"

"Um, I think we should probably listen to what Celestia has to say," Fluttershy timidly said. "I would really like to finish this soon, so I can get back to ~~brainwashing~~ healing those poor griffons and minotaurs and buffalo at my cottage. Oh those poor animals, deluding themselves into thinking they're sapient beings like us ponies. Everypony knows that only ponies have rights, and little animals like them are to be controlled."

Celestia let out a motherly giggle at the antics of her little ponies. "Settle down all of you, this is important. I have recently discovered that Discord was not the only prisoner to escape."

"Somepony else escaped? Who?" Twilight asked.

"The demon known as Displace."

"Then in the name of The Church of Celestia, we shall burn the unholy demon at the stake!" Twilight screamed.

"Me Rainbow Dash have question. Are there other villains with names that start with 'Dis'?"

"CAN I TURN HIM INTO A CUPCAKE?"

"Oh I'm sure he's just a poor scared animal that needs to be Stared into submission."

"Is he hot, rich, and gullible?"

"Hyuck hyuck! I'll lasso 'em up like any nigger or spic!"

"Go forth, hunt him down, and use the Elements of Harmony to defeat him, my little hit squad!"

"What am I supposed to do?" Spike asked. He had been silently standing aside the entire time.

Twilight slapped him. "Speak when spoken to, slave."

Celestia gave Twilight a disapproving look. "Twilight, Spike is only a child. Do not hit him, just give him no dinner and make him do chores all night with no breaks."

Twilight bowed. "Of course."

"Do not worry, you are my second in command, you will learn soon enough."

"Wait, I thought Princess Luna was your second in command?"

Celestia smirked. "Officially that is the case, what with us being a diarchy and all that. But the reality is that you, Twilight Sparkle, are my right hoof pony. There is no point saying otherwise."

Everypony in the room had a hearty laugh. Just outside the door Luna was eavesdropping, seething with rage. They all knew she was there, but they didn't care because it's not like Luna actually has any power or is in any position to get rid of the Elements.

So I was walking along the outskirts of the town when I bumped into three little fillies, the CMC themselves.

"Ah! It's a monster!" Applebloom yelled.

"Holy crap!" Scootaloo exclaimed.

Sweetie Belle looked like she was taking a moment to process the situation. "...Wait, what's going on?"

They started running away screaming when I jumped in front of them and held my hands out to stop them. "Wait! I'm not evil!"

"Oh, okay." Applebloom said.

"Oh darn, we fell for our racist pony instincts again." Scootaloo said with shame.

"I really like your... hairdo?" Sweetie Belle said.

Then we became friends, even though I hate ponies. I introduced myself, they introduced themselves, and we had shenanigans trying to get their Cutie Marks.

Later I said goodbye to them and went into the Everfree Forest because I had nowhere else to go really. So after killing some more manticores and timber wolves I met Zecora, who was apparently leading a rebellion against zebra slavery. Of course I said I'd help!

Anyways after some more hiking I found that old castle from the pilot. I entered and roamed its halls until I came across the throne room where Nightmare Moon was defeated. Might as well call it a day for now. I set some cloth I found on the floor and laid down.

I was about to go to sleep when the doors burst open and the Mane Six entered. "Stop Displace! We're the Elements of Harmony, and we're here to teach you the meaning of friendship and love and tolerance by shooting you with a super weapon!"

I started backing away. "Now I'm sure we can talk this out."

Rainbow Dash dashed forward and tackled me. "He's resisting arrest! Duh! Beat him him up and shoot him for showing defiance against the government! Duh!" They all started kicking me while I was down.

I blindly lashed out, hitting Pinkie Pie in the face and causing her to fall backwards. The other ponies gasped and backed up. "You evil monster!" Twilight said with tears in her eyes. "How could you hurt a pony as sweet and innocent as Pinkie Pie? What did she ever do to you?!"

"You ghastly brute!" Rarity said as she tended to the downed Pinkie.

My eyes widened. "Oh my god I'm sorry, here let me-"

I was cut off as Applejack whipped me in the face, creating a scar over my left eye. "SHUT YER FUCKING MOUTH YA CUNT!" Applejack yelled at me.

I fell over and cried on the floor as I bled. Twilight then grabbed me with her magic and started smashing against the floor, the ceiling, and the walls. She released me and I weakly crawled over to the throne steps, putting myself in a sitting position.

"Your reign of terror ends here!" The six ponies started to glow and rise into the air as the Elements circled around them. Their eyes were all a blank white. A rainbow formed as they took aim at me and-

I pulled out a pistol and shot Twilight Sparkle in the head. The Elements immediately stopped and the ponies screamed as they dropped to the ground. Five got back up. Twilight laid where she landed, a pool of blood forming around her head.

"W-what happened?" Fluttershy stuttered.

I reloaded my gun. "I tried being friendly. I tried being reasonable. I have put up with your kind's shit for long enough."

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Rainbow Dash demanded.

"Twilight Sparkle was a threat to me, so I killed her. No bullshit."

"That's not how it's supposed to work!" Pinkie yelled. "You're supposed to just stand there like a retard while we charge up and shoot you, OR, you escape and we repeat this poorly written fight scene several times for several chapters!"

I narrowed my eyes. "No." I opened fire on them.

They all scrambled for cover and dodged my shots. Pinkie Pie used her Pinkie Sense to her advantage and managed to get up close to me. She jumped on me and tried to stab me in the face with a knife, the only thing stopping her being my hand on her wrist. "WHY SO SERIOUS?!" She cackled.

I managed to use my other hand to put my gun to the underside of her mouth. I pulled the trigger and Pinkie's pink brains splattered upwards out of her skull. I rolled her body off me and got up only to be hit in the gut by a full speed Rainbow Dash.

"DUH! ME RAINBOW DASH AVENGE FALLEN COMRADES! DUH!"

When I said I was done with playing nice, I REALLY FUCKING MEANT IT. I grabbed Rainbow Dash's wings, and I violently twisted them. She screamed as I jerked and wrenched, until finally I tore her wings out, sockets and all. Rainbow Dash was a thrashing, crying mess on the floor. I admit that I was disturbed, so I shot her twice in the chest. She stopped moving.

A lasso wrapped around my gun and pulled it away. Applejack was charging at me. "Let's see how tough ya are without yer fancy toys ya damn dirty ape!"

In the time it took for Applejack to turn around and buck her legs, I simply stepped to the side. I grabbed her lasso and put it around her neck like a noose, and tightened it. To make sure she didn't untie herself, I used the rest of the rope to tie up her limbs. Applejack was now on the floor, struggling, slowly choking to death.

I picked up my gun when it was, once again, taken from me. This time by Rarity's magic. She pointed the gun at me and smiled. "Pony superiority always triumphs over pathetic brutes like you. Now then... how do I work this thing?" She didn't know how to use the gun. I took my chance and sprinted at her.

Rarity screamed as I tackled her and pinned her to the ground. "Help! Rape!"

I spotted a metal pole next to us and an idea came to mind. I grabbed it and shoved it up Rarity's ass. At first she liked it. "Oh~" Then I shoved it further up and the hard stiff rod pierced through her intestines and started going through her other internal organs. "OooooooaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!" I gave a final push and the other end of the pole came out her mouth. I picked up both ends of the pole and positioned them in cracks in the columns, hanging Rarity up like a pig on a spit roast.

Five down, one to go. I looked around to see Fluttershy's tail sticking out from behind a pile of rocks. She had hid while her 'friends' fought me. Coward. I am ashamed to admit that she was my favorite character from the show. "Come out Fluttershy, you are the last one."

Fluttershy peeked out, and gasped when she saw the corpses of her five friends. "How dare you... how DARE you?!"

I braced myself. I was about to be on the receiving end of The Stare, which according to countless my little pony fanboy fan fiction authors was able to cow the likes of Sauron, Cthulhu, Godzilla, and the Daleks. Which was totally not just an excuse to make MLP look more badass than it really is. Really.

Fluttershy fluttered up to me and scowled. She widened her eyed and Stared me in the eyes at point blank range. She started ranting about how I was a big stupid meanie poopie head for killing her friends, and that I should say sorry because I'm not mean, I just made a bad decision. It was a few seconds after she asked me 'what I had to say for myself' that I realized that I did not feel in any way at all inclined to follow her will. I had been staring into her Stare and waiting for some weird feeling to paralyze me or mind control me that I didn't even notice that nothing had happened at all. Apparently bronies are liars that can't admit that ponies aren't really that badass in the grand scheme of things.

"Oh shut up." I slapped Fluttershy in the face, sending her to the ground. She quickly recovered and snapped her head back at me, trying to Stare me even harder than before. I casually walked over to her. "You're rather helpless when that Stare can't work, eh?"

Fluttershy stared up in horror at me. "How can this be? My special talent is controlling animals! Why isn't it working?!"

"I am no mere animal."

"What are you?!"

"I'm a human."

Fluttershy screamed as I raised a foot and brought it down, reducing her head to mush.

I just killed all of your favorite characters, just like how you guys always want to, hence why you all write fan fiction depicting the ponies as vicious bastards. That makes me relatable to all of you.

Celestia and Luna suddenly burst in. Celestia saw the carnage I caused. "NO! NOT MEH LEEDLE PONEHS!" She pointed her flaring horn at me. "Die!"

And then Luna shot Celestia in the back. Celestia fell with a pained expression. "Sister, what is the meaning of this?!"

Luna smiled down at her fallen sister. "Unfortunately, my dear sister, you heroically died in battle against Displace. Fortunately, I survived and recaptured Displace, ushering in the Age of Luna!" Luna grabbed me with her magic and locked me in a cage that she had on standby.

"Wait," Celestia said as she struggled to get up, "I still function!"

Luna smirked. "Wanna bet?" Luna blasted the ceiling. Celestia screamed as a particularly large piece of debris landed on her and tore through the floor, breaking through the lower floors. Soon enough the whole castle came crumbling down.

Luna flew off with me in a cage. I was going back to Canterlot.

Luna paraded through Canterlot's streets with an army of her Night Guards and myself behind her. The ponies witnessing this cheered and sneered and threw rotten tomatoes at me. Luna's parade ended when she went into the throne room and hopped onto the throne itself. "My little ponies, I am your Princess now! My first act as your ruler will be the public execution of Displace!" She grabbed me with her magic, forced me onto the ground in front of her and pulled out a huge scythe. Once again, the ponies cheered.

"Wait, uh, shouldn't you have a Coronation first? I mean, you executing me doesn't really mean much if you're not officially the Princess yet." I said.

Luna tapped her chin. "Hm, I suppose we can stall your death for a little longer. Captain, bring me The Crown!"

The Night Captain bowed and left. A minute later he returned with a bigger version of Luna's crown. It was even bigger than Celestia's. He replaced Luna's old crown with the new crown, and bowed. Luna pridefully puffed her chest out. "My little ponies, as your new leader I-"

All of a sudden the wall to the side exploded. Debris was scattered across the room, crushing and killing several ponies. A bright light shone through the hole as a familiar figure stepped into the room.

"Who disrupts my coronation?!" Luna demanded.

"Coronation, Luna? This is bad comedy."

"Celestia? Is that you?"

"Here's a hint!" Celestia then blasted Luna with her satanic sun powers. The light settled down, revealing Luna to now be an ash statue. She began to break apart and turned into a smoking ash pile. Her crown bounced down the throne steps and stopped at Celestia's hooves, who then crushed it with a single stomp.

"Would anypony else care to fill her horseshoes?" Celestia asked the audience, daring them to say yes.

I took this as an opportunity to jump on Celestia's back. She neighed like the whorse she was and tried to buck me off, but I held tight onto her horn. I tightened my grip on her horn and yanked, breaking it off her head.

I fell off her back and Celestia screamed. "EEEAARRGHH!!! This cannot be! Now the forces of nature are free from my control, and all of ponykind's control! Curses!"

I went up to Celestia. "From hell's heart I stab at mother fucking thee!" Then I stabbed Celestia in the heart with her own horn. She sputtered up some blood and fell over onto her side. "Hurk, bleh."

... Huh, that was anti climatic. I was expecting her to explode or something, honestly.

Suddenly a bunch of armored griffons and minotaurs and dragons rushed into the room and arrested all the surviving ponies. The shackled ponies were all escorted to prisons. Three important looking guys; a griffon, a minotaur, and a dragon came up to me and bowed.

"We are the kings of our respective kingdoms," the griffon king said, "For over a thousand years the other races have lived in fear of the ponies. And now, thanks to you, hero, we are now free."

"We have been waiting for an opportunity such as this," the minotaur king said, "But the ponies were too strong to attack so long as their Princesses were still alive. Our three armies are simply the first to arrive on the scene. Soon the rest of the world will be sending troops to make sure ponykind never terrorizes the world ever again."

"As thanks," the dragon king said, "I shall grant you one free wish, with my magical dragon balls."

I smiled. "Really? Cool."

The dragon king unzipped his pants.

"Woah woah woah! Hold up bruh!"

"Perhaps I can be of assistance," Discord said as he walked in.

"You're still alive?" I asked.

"Well, after you killed the Elements of Harmony, my prison began to weaken. I literally just got free a minute ago."

"So can you help me instead of this guy?" I said pointing a thumb to the dragon king and his magical balls.

"Of course. What's your wish?"

"I wish I was back on Earth, at the same place where I left, but, when I get there only ten seconds have passed after my disappearance."

"That sounds oddly specific," Discord said, "May I ask why?"

"I want to get back at the guy that sent me here in the first place."

"Consider it done." Discord snapped his fingers.

"And why... why am I so sleepy..."

The Merchant simply smiled as the old me blacked out. "You'll find out soon enough, heh heh..."

The Merchant snapped his fingers and the old me vanished. He looked at the ten dollar bill I had given him. He smirked. "Easy money."

He turned around and received a punch to the face. He fell onto his back and snarled. "What the FUCK?! Who do you think you're fucking with- WHAT THE?"

I glared down at him. "Surprise, mother fucker."

"But how?!" The Merchant cried out as he tried to crawl away. "How did you get back?!"

I pulled my gun on him.

"WHO ARE YOU?!"

"I'm Displace." I shot The Merchant in the head and he instantly died. A pool of blood formed around him from where he lied on the pavement. I reached into his pocket and took back my ten dollar bill. Justice is served, bitch.

"Holy shit! Somebody call the cops!"

I looked up in alarm to see a couple of random people running away.

I widened my eyes as I realized just how much this looked like murder. Well, it was murder, but in the context of my situation it was completely justified. But of course the cops have zero reason to believe my story, so fuck this!

Wait, I still have my car keys on me! And my car is only a couple blocks away! And I'm wearing this stupid mask and costume, so nobody actually knows what I look like! I can still get out of this!

I quickly left the dark alley and ran down the street to my car.