How DEEZ NUTS killed twilight

by cheayhotbeef

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 994

The popular internet meme, "DEEZ NUTS" has reached Equestria and Twilight has had enough of everyone yelling DEEZ NUTS all the god damned time.

DEEZ NUTS is a saying that Twilight Sparkle really hates. She can't tolerate this shit any longer. Her way of dealing with it is dark and morbid.
Basically an allegory for me and my school mates saying DEEZ NUTS all the time.
Ps: that kid got arrested for inappropriately touching a girl.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-03 06:19:36 UTC

One-shot trollfic failure abortion

Twilight has finally gotten time to spend with Rainbow Dash at her cloud castle. She has never seen it so up close, only at distances.

"It's so nice to finally stay here and chat with you." Twilight said as they both walked through the front door.

"I know, right? We never get to see each other 1 on 1 like this. It's so awesomesauce!" Dash replied.

They both entered the living room and Twilight sat on the chair while Dash took the couch. They chatted about books, which led to a conversation about paper, which led to a conversation about water, then drinks, then apple cider, then a topic on couches.

"Want to see bofa?" Dash asked

"What's bofa? Is it some sort of couch?" Twilight responded.

"Boda DEEZ NUTS! Got em!" Rainbow Dash rolled off her couch then laughed with her forearms around her chest. Twilight laughed along with it but not as much. Rainbow Dash continued to laugh as Twilight stopped.

"It's not THAT funny." Twilight said.

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She left the house because she didn't want to fall victim to one more of Dash's "jokes." She later found herself flying above Pinkie Pie workplace, the Sugar Cube Corner, where she makes many foods and treats. Twilight walks in.

"Good Morning." She says to Pinkie over the counter. Pinkie promptly walks over to Twilight and shakes her hoof very vigorously.

"What's up Phil?" Pinkie asked with a smile.

Twilight looks behind her. Then asks, "Phil who?"

"Phil DEEZ NUTS! Got em!" Pinkie giggles but not as much as Rainbow Dash. "I've been pulling that one on everypony today. They laugh along with it. Why didn't you laugh?"

"Because I don't find this funny anymore. Yesterday, most of the fillies who admire me sent me letters of drawings of peanuts and having DEEZ NUTS written all over them." Twilight started to walk away but before that Pinkie stopped her.

"Wait! I thought we were going to chat after my shift?" She asked

"When will you shift be over?" Twilight inquired.

"About 2 hours." She looked at the clock.

"I'll come back then." Twilight began to walk away.

"Wait! Again. Do you want a bag of goodies?" She stood behind the counter.

"Sure, ok, yah." Twilight turned around.

"A bag of good DEEZ NUTS! Got em!" Everypony else around Twilight laughed as she ran out the door frowning.

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Fluttershy was walking faster than adverse pony walking speed yet slower than a pace that's a run. She was headed to see Rarity on her spa day. Twilight bumped into Fluttershy and they hugged to make up.

"Where are you going? Twilight asked. Fluttershy explained everything to Twilight and they walked to the spa together. Twilight was joining them.

"I could go for a quick hornicure. That will make studying later so much more relaxing." Twilight shivered at the thought of a relaxed horn.

They both arrived at the spa and Rarity wasn't there. Two ponies told them where to go for there treatments. They both separated ways.

"Hello Twilight. I am Lotus and will be assisting you today. But first, let me ask the question." Lotus went up to one of those old CD players that spin to play music. "What is your favorite CD?"

"I don't know. Do you have piano songs on there?" Twilight covered her eyes with cucumbers.

"See DEEZ NUTS! Got em!" Lotus and the other pony there also getting a hornicure laughed that Twilight.

Twilight gritted her teeth and spoke softly. "Don't play any music or even talk for that matter."

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After the hornicure, Twilight felt even better and relaxed. After waiting in the guest room, Fluttershy and Rarity finished their appointment.

"Hello Twilight, it's been a long time. How have you been?" Rarity asks.

"I've been better." They all walk out and into Rarity's shop.

Twilight noticed that the usually neat lines of fabric laid out wasn't in perfect lines like it used to. So Twilight wondered about this.

"Hey Rarity. Is this supposed to be crooked? Aren't they supposed to be straight?"

"What are you? OCD?" Rarity pointed out.

"No. Every time I come here it's all nest and organized but now it's crooked."

"O see DEEZ NUTS! Got em!" Rarity laugh. Twilight facepalmed.

"I can't stand you!" Twilight walked to the kitchen where Fluttershy was at making lunch.

"I overheard your fight with Rarity. Is everything alright?" Fluttershy, being the most faithful and innocent of the friends, asked.

"Everyone makes these stupid jokes and they all are attacking me. How do I make it stop?"

Twilight's questioning made Fluttershy drop the pot she was holding her wing with. Twilight's jaw dropped.

"Aww, it's ok, we could just order a pizza. Do you like pizza?" Fluttershy asked.

"I love pizza." Twilight smiled.

"A piece of DEEZ NUTS! Got em!" Fluttershy broke into laughter as that was her first time ever using that joke. Twilight wasn't amused.

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After the pizza. Twilight went back to home and took a nap. She woke up when spike called her for dinner.

"What do we have for dinner Spike?"

"DEEZ NUTS!" Spike replied.

"Spike, you don't know how to use that joke so be quiet."

"I'll be quiet, but I don't know if DEEZ NUTS will." Spike giggled.

"Quit it!" Twilight was getting pissed.

"I'll quit it if you quit DEEZ NUTS." Spike laughed.

Silence filled the diner table as they both ate.

"Look twilight, I'm sorry for annoying you. Can you forgive me?" Spike asked.

"Fiiinnee." Twilight grunted.

"Great. Now suck DEEZ NUTS." Spike rofl.

"I'm done!" Twilight got up and took the expedition rope to her room. She tied her wings together. She tied the rope to the ceiling and made a transcendence. She stood on a chair and tied the rope around her neck. She knocked over the chair and started to choke on the rope. Her heartbeat stopped soon after. The end.