Chapters The Great and Legend-Wait for it... Dary Trixie!
The Gweat and Powaful Twixie!
Kids, I know I already told you how I meet your mother, but there's a whole series of stories I forgot to tell you.
Really, Dad?
Yes Kids, there is more. While it's true that none of us thought Barney would be a good father at all, but he proved us wrong when he had something that was more unbelievable than our doppelgangers. Through time, of course.
So he raised a child?
Well... sorta. We can safely say she was more of a training tool for his own daughter, Ellie. I can already tell that you're going to enjoy it. You, however, not so much. It all began on just a regular Wednesday; nothing special was planned whatsoever, it was just another meet up at the bar, but it was different for that one reason.
Barney Stinson, the ever wise pick-up artist with an undying love for expensive suits & laser tag, strolled across the streets of manhatten, heading to the bar where he and his friends would meet on a regular basis. He stopped and leaned down to tie a loose lace that came undone, right in front of an alleyway with a dumpster in in. He stopped and jumped at a loud "BANG" coming off from the side of the dumpster! He tried to walk away as quickly as he could, most likely to avoid any dirty raccoon, but stopped as he heard a child's voice.
"Hewwo?" The voice asked, muffled by the closed dumpster "Is anyone there? Pwease! Anyone!" Barney stopped and looked to the side, seeing only a couple of cars driving by, a couple walking together, and some guy jamming to his music.
"Forgive me suit gods." Barney muttered to himself. He walked to the dumpster and opened the lid, only to be greeted with something he never guessed would exist: a light blue unicorn with a smooth, silver & light silver blue mane & tail, and large, purple eyes. It stared at Barney and Barney stared right back.
"Hewwo!" It said, smiling and in the same voice as the little girl.
"WHAT THE-!?" Barney yelled, pulling his head back in surprise. "Y-you just talked!!!"
"Is that wong? Twixie is sowwy." Barney snagged 'Twixie' up and held her in his hands, holding her like how most people do with small animals as her back legs dangled in the air.
"No! Don't be sorry! That's awesome! A talking, small, and an adorable unicorn!"
"Stop it!" She blushed, waving her front right hoof at him like how most girls do when they receive a really nice compliment.
"...I am definitely getting laid! To the bar!" Barney sprinted with the unicorn in his hands, rushing to get to the bar!
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Inside the bar, Ted Mosbey, Robin Scherbatsky, Marshall Eriksen, and Lily Aldrin sat in their usual table, drinking some glasses of water.
"Hey," Marshall spoke "Where's Barney? He's usually here about now."
"He's probably having sex with another woman already." Robin stated before taking another sip.
"Very unlikely," Ted replied "he has sex after our get together."
"There's always a first time in something." Lily said. The doors opened, and Barney came in, panting really hard. He rushed over and took Ted's glass of water, guzzling it immediately.
"Sorry I'm late!" Barney gasped "I was occupied with a little something."
"And that is?" Robin asked.
"If you think it's sex, you'd be right, but you're not. Well, I was trying to make my way here, but, almost out of nowhere, I came across something that already made this night legend- wait for it!" Silence fell as usual with everyone waiting for him to say 'Dary'.
"Daddy!?" a little girl's voice said with a small tug on the left side of his pants "What are you doing?"
"Dary!" Barney ended.
"What was that!?" Ted asked, trying to peak over from his side. Lily looked down at her side and gasped.
"AWW!!!" She said "That's adorable!!!"
"What is?" Marshall asked.
"THIS!!!" Barney announced. He picked up his surprise, brought out the unicorn from the dumpster, and placed it on their table. Both Lilly and Robin let out a collected "Awe" at the sight of the unicorn.
"A talking unicorn!?" Ted asked in surprise
That's what I wish I did. Instead, what came out was:
Ted grabbed the unicorn and held it in front of his face. He smiled widely while laughing.
"Look at you!" He said while babying the unicorn "Who's a cute wittle unicorn? You are, that's who! Yes you are! Yes you are!"
"UNHAND TWIXIE, DIRTY APE!!!" She yelled and squirmed. Her horn glowed with a purple aura. Marshal's hand also glowed purple, as it clenched into a fist. With no control over it, Marshal punched Ted across the face, making him release the unicorn!
"Oh my god!" Marshall yelled as his regained control of his hand "I am so sorry! I did not not do that at all, I swear!" A large, red fist was seen on Ted's face. He got up and ran to the bathroom. Barney quickly took his seat.
"First come first serve!" Barney simply commented.
"Ooh! She's a feisty one!" Robin commented with a smile. She reached out to Trixie, but stopped before laying a finger on her. "May I?" Trixie looked at Robin's finger, then turned her back.
"Twixie will allow it." she replied "Be soft but firm around the ears."
"Whatever you say." Robin began to softly, but firmly scratch behind Trixie's ear. Trixie's eyes opened wide, then drooped until they were halfway closed, then she began to moan to herself.
"Where did you find her?" Lily asked
"She was actually in a dumpster when I found her." Barney replied.
"In a dumpster!?" Marshall asked "Why would she be in a dumpster!?"
"Maybe your fist can answer that." Robin smirked.
"Now Twixie's bewwy!!!" Trixie announced. She flopped to her back and allowed Robin to scratch her tummy. Robin followed, and Trixie squealed with laughter. Ted came back inside, holding his hand around his punched cheek area, then stared at Robin giving Trixie a belly rub.
"ROBIN!!!" Ted yelled
"What?" Robin replied "You should've asked first. 'Ask and you shall receive', remember?"
"Well... I now do... but she didn't have to make Marshall punch me across the face for it!"
"Twixie disagrees!" She yelled, getting up from her belly rub. She walked over and jumped into Barney's lap. "Daddy agwees with Twixie, right?"
"DADDY!?!?!?" Everyone but Barney asked.
"Of course I do!" Barney replied "But I need your help, Little-"
"It's "The Gweat and Powaful Twixie"!" Trixie interrupted. Barney stared at her a bit, then chuckled.
"Alright, Great and Powerful Trixie, I'm with you, but I need you to help me out with something?"
"Does it involve the gowiwwa punching someone?"
"HEY!!!" Marshall yelled
"Oh no!" Barney replied "I just need you to make me look good!"
"...How does Twixie do that?" she asked
"You'll learn the playbook soon, sweetie, but for now, hot Asian Chick at three o'clock." Trixie looked at a clock
"It's Eweven o'cwock."
"You'll know what I'm saying soon. Come on!" He carried Trixie over to the bar area, where, indeed, an attractive Asian woman stood at, drinking some beer. Barney casually leaned on the bar area, and Trixie stood right behind his legs. "Hey girl, what's your sine? It must be Pi over two because you are the one." She stared at Barney with a disgusted looking face.
"Really?" She replied "Just because I'm Asian doesn't mean I'm great at math!"
"Oh, and what will win you over then?"
"Unless you can pull a Unicorn out of nowhere, then-" Barney quickly leaned down and picked up Trixie, placing her on the stand. The woman's face changed to happiness. "Aww! She's so cute!"
"Cute!?" Trixie replied "I'm not cute! I'm the Gweat and Powaful Twixie!!!"
"She talks!? That's so adorable!!!"
"You know," Barney spoke "You can have a lot more fun with her back in my place."
"Where is it!? I can't resist her eyes! They're so cute!!!" Trixie pouted. "Even when she's angry, she's so cute!!!"
"Daddy!" Trixie whined "I don't want her in ouw home!"
"Don't worry, Trixie," Barney replied, carrying Trixie in his arms "she's only going to be with us for the night. Suit up!" Trixie looked at her body
"But I'm naked." Barney looked down at her, seeing that she was naked.
"Then... we'll get you suit up tomorrow! So... I'll suit up!" Barney, Trixie, and the woman left the bar, heading towards Barney's apartment. The rest of the group watched in silence then turned to each other.
"There goes the neighborhood." Ted commented to himself, wincing in pain after saying it.
And that, Kids, it the beginning of what we called "The Great and Powerful pickups."
The Great and Legend-Wait for it... Dary Trixie!
Trixie explored Barney's apartment, staring at awe of the life-size Storm Trooper armor. Barney and the woman were in his bedroom together, but in a few seconds, the woman exited the room and stomped into the apartment. Barney came out in only his underwear.
"Baby," Barney spoke "Come on, we both can work this out!"
"I can't believe you used that thing to help you get sex from me!!!" The woman yelled
"What!? She's adorable, isn't she? Plus, down below, my own Qianlong is long and adorable."
"You ASS!!! Just because I'm Asian doesn't mean I know half of that stuff!" She stormed out of the apartment.
"WAIT!!!" She stopped and turned towards him.
"WHAT!?"
"Uh... do... you want to study Trixie?" She turned and slammed the door behind her. Barney groaned to himself and flopped onto his couch. Trixie jumped onto the couch like a cat and looked at her father's eyes, making both see each other as if they were hanging upside down. Trixie perked her lips and kissed on Barney's forehead.
"Twixie loves you more than that woman." She said with a smile. Barney couldn't help but smile at her. He carefully lifted her and placed Trixie on his bare chest, feeling the softness of her fur, and the even her softer & smoother as he caressed her mane. Trixie leaned into his hand, accepting the pets from her father.
"Thanks, Trixie." He replied. "You know, I never asked about you."
"What questions do you have fow Twixie?"
"Well, I know your name is Tri- er... the 'Great and Powerful' Trixie, and you speak in third person."
"Twixie has no idea what you mean by thiwd pewson!"
"... Never mind. Well, how did you end up in that dumpster? Are your parents anywhere?" Trixie's ears perked at his question, then perked down as some tears came into her eyes.
"Twixie... has no memory."
"No Memory!?" He lifted Trixie and placed her next to him as he adjusted to a sitting position.
"It's twue; Twixie has no memory whatsoever, other than a bwight wight, fowwed by me in a dumpsta. Twixie has no idea who her parents are." She looked up to Barney her tears ever presentable "But you'we Twixie's daddy, aren't you?" Her look and stare! He couldn't help but watch the tears roll down her cheek as she looked up to him with a somewhat innocent look... somewhat. He lifted her and gave her a hug around his neck. Trixie wrapper her tiny hooves around his neck, as she purred a bit with a firm and soft grip.
"I am." He replied with a smile, tears coming down his face. They hugged each other for a few seconds. Then he looked down at his underwear. "Well... this was both heartwarming and awkward."
"What do you mean?" He lifted away from his neck.
"With the exception of my underwear on, I'm naked." Twixie looked at his father, then at herself, and turned back to her father.
"Twixie's always been naked." Barney looked at her and turned her around in his hands, seeing that she was, indeed, naked
"Huh... don't worry, I gut the thing needed!"
"What is it!?"
"We're going to get you something for tomorrow!" Her eyes beamed and she smiled
"PWESENTS!?!?!?"
"...you can say that!"
"Yay!!!" She cheered. He carried her into his room and placed her on his bed as he went to get some pajamas on. Trixie noticed a blank book below the bed and, with her tiny magic, she lifted it and placed it next to her. She opened it and saw, in bold words, it was called 'The Playbook'. She opened it and noticed all of these things were what Barney did to seduce women, from dressing up as a doctor, to a bandito, and, probably the most strange, dressing up & looking like a 55 year old man. All of these things involved not just looking the part, but being the part as well. Barney came back out in pajamas that looked like a suit as well. He watched Trixie read his playbook.
"Uh... Trixie?" He asked, walking next to her "You know that's actually for adults, right?"
"Twixie doesn't see that," she replied, not looking away from the playbook "but Twixie has one idea you can use." Barney got into his bed and looked over Trixie's little head.
"An Idea not used? What is it?"
"Dwess up wike a magician!"
"A... magician?" He thought to himself a bit "Hold on... I never did that!!! Good eye there, Trixie!!! Yeah, we'll do it tomorrow!!! I just need a tophat, a cape, and a wand! I already know a couple of tricks! Perhaps I can teach you a trick or two. You want to hold your gift off later?"
"To make daddy happy? Twixie is fine!" She nuzzled her head onto his arm. Barney chuckled to himself. A low growl was heard and Trixie looked down to her tummy, seeing it vibrate a bit. She blushed with a smile.
"Aw, looks like someone's hungry. Come, I think I have something in the kitchen." Barney got up and walked into the kitchen, followed by Trixie. He looked through his cabinets, only to see nothing around. "Crap! We need to go grocery shopping!" He looked and saw something. He reached into it and took something out. "Well... the only thing we have now is some Peanut Butter Crackers, so-"
"Peanut Buttah Cwackas!?!?!?" Trixie exclaimed. She hopped up & down "TWIXIE WOVES PEANUT BUTTAH CWACKAS!!!" She used her magic and snagged the peanut butter crackers from Barney's hand, ripped the packet open, and began to eat the crackers with cute sounding noms and munches. After a few minutes of eating, Trixie let out an adorable belch that made her jump a bit. Barney carried her up and saw her small, slightly bloated belly.
"Hope you can lose that tomorrow." Barney spoke, poking her belly. A soon as he poked it, Trixie giggled and tried to swing his hand away. "If there's one thing I know, it's that women hate big people, with the exception of being funny. If you let yourself be big, then be funny."
"Twixie's the funniest of all!!!"
"I hope so. Now you need to brush your teeth."
"Twixie's teeth can wesist cavities!!!"
"But Twixie needs to make her daddy happy, wight?" She looked at her father, who playfully mocked her speech.
"...Fine! Only for you, daddy."
Trixie and Barney bruished their teeth together with their own toothbrush, followed by both resting on the bed together. Trixie walked onto her father's head and made herself his sleep mask. Barney couldn't help but pet her for one final time. Unfortunately, he didn;t touch the head, but her tail area. Trixie squeaked and kicked his hand away!
"Never touch Twixie's glowious butt!" She yelled.
"Oh! Sorry." Barney apologized. He sued his other hand and now scratched her head. Trixie moaned to herself, then slowly went to sleep. "Your butt is actually pretty soft. That's actually cute."
"Twixie... is too... tired." In a few moments, after a smell yawn, Trixie fell asleep. After she fell asleep, Barney went to sleep as well.
The Great and Legend-Wait for it... Dary Trixie!
Both Barney and Trixie walked into a magic shop, obviously a tourist trap, but the necessary evil Barney needed to get more ladies. Barney and Trixie strolled around the shop, looking for something that they liked. The Shopkeeper peeked over the shelves and saw Trixie, then turned to Barney.
"Hey!" He yelled in a gruff voice. Banrey jumped a bit but turned to the man.
"Yes, good sir?" He replied.
"Didn't you read the sign? No pets are allowed." Trixie growled at the man.
"Ah, but good sir, my little Trixie-"
"TWIXIE IS NOT A PET!!!" She interrupted. The man nearly fell down.
"D-Did that thing just talk!?" Trixie jumped onto a chair, then onto the counter.
"Twixie spoke, and Twixie demands that you don't call Twixie a pet, but the gweat and powaful Twixie!" The shop owner turned to Barney with a surprised look. He shrugged.
"She enjoys talking like that." Barney said, stroking Trixie's mane, calming the unicorn down.
"...So I see." the Shop keeper replied. "So... Tri-"
"The Gweat and powaful Twixie!" She scolded, her face scrunching a bit.
"...ugh... so, 'The Great and Powerful' Trixie, what can I do for you and... your dad?"
"We're actually looking for magician outfits," Barney answered "or, at least magician accessories. I still want to proudly show my suit to the public."
"And her?" Barney swallowed hard, then covered Trixie's ears.
"Do you have any pet stuff magic stuff her size?" He uncovered Trixie's ears
"I got you need!" He went into the back for a few moments. Trixie turned to Barney.
"Twixie wants to know why you covered Twixie's ears." She said.
"Um... well... I... asked... for-" Barney stammered a bit. The store owner came back out. with some objects.
"And I'm back!" He announced "For you, Sir, I have... a magician's hat... a wand... some gloves... and a fake flower."
"Thank you so much!"
"And for you, Miss, I'm sorry, I couldn't find anything your size but this." He pulled out a small looking purple hat & matching cape, both spotted with yellow & light blue stars & dots, with the cape having what looked liked a jewel holding the cape together & making a collar for the cape. Trixie's eyes widened and her eyes sparkled. She made a wide smile and jumped around rapidly.
"TWIXIE LOVES IT!!!" She yelled "TWIXIE LOVES IT!!!"
"Whoah! Easy there!" Barney yelled, snatching Trixie in mid air. Her horn glowed and she levitated the stuff to her! The shopkeeper stared at them for a few seconds, then shook his head.
"I was going to give you a discount for all of this," he stated "but seeing that... it's free."
"Free?"
"Free."
"Sweetness!!!" He lifted Trixie as she placed the hat on her head. "We're going to get ourselves some ladies today, Trixie! If my name was Mike instead of Barney, then I'd call myself Magic Mike!"
Little to what Barney said, that shopkeeper soon became a movie writer and, ultimately, the movie Magic Mike was released theaters around the world. Of course, Barney never got the credit, since he just blurted it out and was too distracted by Trixie. Speaking of Barney and Trixie.
Both Barney and Trixie sat on a table in front of the bar.
"Now Trixie," Barney began "you are my assistant and you are going to help me with what would be juvenile magic tricks, got it?" She tilted her head to the side.
"Twixie doesn't know any magic tricks." She replied.
"What!? You're like, five, and you don't know any magic Tricks!?" She shook her head. "But, shouldn't that horn of yours be considered magic?" She shrugged.
"It felt natural for Twixie." Barney placed his head into the palm of his hands.
"Alright, I think I can teach you a few tricks."
"Like what?"
"The first thing you have to know is how to use misdirection to your advantage. For example, this." He reached over and pulled what was a quarter from behind her ear. Trixie gasped at the sight and her eyes beamed again.
"TWIXIE DEMANDS HOW YOU DID THAT!?!?!?" Barney then pulled out a napkin
"In time, you'll understand." he removed the napkin, and a white dove appeared in his hands. Trixie's aura went around her horn, then around the dove. She brought the dove close to her face.
"Tell Twixie how Daddy did that!!!" The dove cooed in place, then pecked at Trixie's face. Trixie released the bird, writhing in pain and swinging her hooves at it, making the dove fly away. Barney couldn't help but chuckle at the sight.
"Patience is the key, my little Trixie." Trixie crossed her front hooves together and pouted.
"Twixie hates patience."
"Don't worry about it. We have all day for you to train until the really hot chicks come. How does that sound?" She turned to Barney.
"Twixie agwees to this." The two got up from their seats.
"So now your training begins, young padawan."
How Barney Trained that little Unicorn everything about magic in one day is a mystery, but if there's one thing we know it's this: Barney recorded the whole thing, edited it, and made it a training montage with the Joe Esposito's You're The Best Around , the theme song to the Karate kid
One Training Montage later:
Trixie and Barney walked into the bar, wearing their magician outfits. Barney's friends all sat in their regular area, as Ted had a puffed up cheek from last night's encounter.
"Are you ready for this?" Barney asked
"Twixie's been ready!" Trixie replied.
"Good. Cue the lights and smoke." Trixie's horn glowed and, the lights turned off, smoke filled the room, and one light was made as a potlight for Barney and Trixie, who was standing on a high chair next to her father.
"Hewwo Wadies and mowe wadies, are you pwepawed fow the best show of youw wives?" The women all looked at each other in confusion.
"She means lives." Barney chuckled. Half the women giggled at what she meant while the other whispered at how cute Trixie was.
I won't bore you all with the details, but it's no surprise that Trixie really stole the show with her adorableness. Barney may have gotten a few women's phone numbers, but Trixie really got most of the ladies around her. But I will tell you about their last act.
"Fow my final act," Trixie announced with a large wheel behind her "I'ww need a vowunteew!" The women all raised their hands, yelling 'me!' like kids at school who knew the answer to something. Trixie's horn glowed and a familiar man was brought up onstage: Ted Mosbey!
"I didn't even raise my hand!" Ted yelled in anger.
"Siwence Ape! Daddy, a wittwe hewp?" Barney strapped Ted into the slots of the wheel!
"Barney!? What the hell are you-!?"
"Relax, Ted," Barney whispered "She's a professional already."
"Now, the knives!"
"Knives!?" Ted yelled. Trixie's horn glowed and a few knives floated around her. Trixie then flung the knives, one by one, at Ted, who shuit his eyes tight and flinched, expecting a knife to hit him somewhere. Clapping was heard as Trixie finished. Ted reopened his eyes, seeing the knives were nowhere near hitting him. He let out a sigh of relief.
"Now, wet's make this mowe intewesting!" She levitated a blindfold a blindfold "Wight hewe, you can't see anything!" She levitated it towards a woman. "give it a go, can you see anything?" The woman placed the blindfold over her eyes, still giggling with the other women.
"Nope!" she replied "I can't see anything." Trixie levitated the blindfold back to herself.
"Good!" She turned to Ted and placed the blindfold over her own eyes, tightly strapping it.
"Oh hell no!" Ted yelled, struggling to free himself.
"Now, who want to pway 'Spin the wheel'!?"
"WHAT!?!?!?" Barney spun the wheel Ted was strapped to! Ted began to scream and Trixie lunged the knives at him!
Whether if she really was a professional or was just lucky times one hundred, none of the knives hit me. On that night, Trixie alone earned around $6,218.87 in tips from the women, and, almost as if by magic itself, a bright light came around her butt, showing a blue crescent moon & a star ending wand.
A wand & moon tattoo appeared on her butt out of nowhere?
Well... we think it has something to do with that performance, but yeah, almost like that.
And what happened to you afterwards?
...I had to stay away from knives for almost an entire month.
So what happened after that?
And what were you doing during that day?
Hold on kids! For you, I wasn't doing much other than watching T.V. And as for you, we'll get to there.
The Great and Legend-Wait for it... Dary Trixie!
After Trixie's little show, as you already could tell, I was phased with a fear of knives for the next few days, but everyone loved Trixie's little performance. Trixie, on the other hand, when she wasn't loving her little star & sprinkled hat & cape, she loved all the attention people were throwing at her. Of course, with the stuff I'm doing and barely getting attention except for that moment, I hated her.
The group was back in the bar together, as Trixie sat on Barney's lap, flashing the cash she earned last night and counting how much she earned. Ted sat across from her, giving her a death glare. Trixie looked up to Ted, stuck her tongue out, then continued counting.
"I hate you so much." Ted said.
"And Twixie with you." She said, not even looking away from her cash. She pulled out a ten dollar bill and levitated it to Ted. "Fow youw twoubles." Ted grumbled to himself, then took the money from her magic.
"Ted," Marshall said "don't hold a grudge against her! If you were sitting down and someone took your spot, wouldn't you think it was amazing for something so small, out of this world, and adorable do something like that and come out successful?" Trixie levitated two one hundred dollar bills to Marshall.
"Thank you, Gowiwwa!" Trixie replied "Trixie will stop cawwing you gowwiwa. Twixie wiww caww you... a weech!"
"...Leech? Uh... thanks?" Marshall took the cash from her.
"Hey!" Ted yelled "First, I get punched in the face, then I'm used as a subject for a dangerous show, and now, you only gave me a ten dollar bill for that!?"
"Siwence!" Trixie yelled. She. levitated another two one hundred dollar bills to Lilly. "Twixie doesn't know you vewy much. But Twixie says you'we better than the scweaming ape."
"Thanks?" Lilly replied. Ted attempted to speak again, but stopped himself. Trixie levitated five one hundred dollar bills to Robin.
"Twixie actually woves the fact you gave Twixie bewwy wubs and asked befowe doing it. You are Twixie's favorite!"
"For another hundred, want another belly rub?" Robin asked. Trixie stared at her for a few moments.
"Twixie agwees." She hopped onto the table, walked to Robin, and laid on her back. Robin began to scratch Trixie's belly, giggling as Trixie let out squeals of delight. Ted got up from the table and stomped his way out.
"Ted!" Barney pleaded "Don't be butt hurt by this. She's young and just gets more ladies than you with my help."
"Speaking of which," Lilly spoke "Barney, shouldn't Trixie be... well... in school?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, school's about to begin in a few days, and I think Trixie needs to be registered in school ASAP."
"And what happens if I don't?"
"...Do you want Trixie to be as dumb as George Bush?" Barney was about to talk, but stopped.
"Hm... perhaps your right. And even though Trixie's great at getting ladies... if she knows her stuff and is smart about it... with her cuteness staying with her in a couple of years... Oh my god! Babe city!!!"
"So... is that a yes?"
"Oh yeah! My little girl's going to be the smartest child in the world!"
"That's... very unlikely."
"UNLIKELY!?!?!?" Trixie yelled, snapped back into reality. She stood right up and marched right to Lilly. "Twixie will she that she's the smartest student in youw cwass!!!"
"Ha! Very unlikely. Unless you can pass the school with nothing but A's, then you won't be the smartest kid in my class."
"Twixie accepts your challenge!!!"
"Aw!!!" Barney yelled, grabbing Trixie and hugging her "She's learning from the best already!"
"Twixie will get these A's and you will dance fow Twixie untiw I say so!!!" Lily laid back in her chair and crossed her arms.
"Good luck with that." She smirked. "And if you lose, Trixie, you have to act as a baby for Marshall and I."
"You monster!" Barney yelled.
Barney taught Trixie multiple things before Trixie went to kindergarten, most of it was really how to get a women to get to their house, but for this challenge, Barney taught her the essential things needed to pass kindergarten: basic math, basic reading, and basic child things. Trixie took these things pretty easy, but she asked a question that Barney couldn't really answer.
Both Barney and Trixie sat down on their bed together, as they both looked through a playboy magazine.
"And that," Barney said, closing the magazine "concludes all your body parts."
"Did they weally have to be naked?" Trixie asked
"No... but it feels so good." he moaned to himself. Trixie let out a yawn. "Ready for school tomorrow?"
"Twixie... need sweep... fiwst." Barney carried Trixie and laid her in bed.
"There, feel comfortable?"
"Yes."
"Good girl." He went to turn off the lights.
"Daddy?"
"Yes?"
"Twixie was wondering, if Twixie has a Daddy, then who's Twixie mommy?" Barney stared at Trixie a bit, then tried to make some words, only to let out animal noises.
"That's for another time. You don't want to be babied by Marshall and Lily, now do you?" Trixie gasped and rested her head on the pillow. In a few quick seconds, she went to sleep. Barney tunred off the lights and laid in ed with her. His eyes were wide open. "How am I going to tell her that she doesn't have a mom... nor am I her real father? Get a horse?" An image appeared of Barney in bed with a horse. "Ugh! No way! I'm a stallion, but I'm not doing that!" He turned and saw a sleeping Trixie next to him, lightly snoring. He smiled and patted her mane. "Perhaps when she's older, she'll understand."
And as you can imagine it, it all went down as it did.
Lily stood in front of the class with Trixie next to her, as a bunch of kids stared at Trixie, some whispering to each other.
"Now kids," Lily spoke "I know she's really different than any of us, but let's welcome our newest student: Trixie!"
"...Hi." Trixie greeted herself sheepishly.
"Trixie, care to tell us a little something about yourself?"
"Um... well... Twixie... is... the best magician of all time!!!"
"Can we see?" A child asked. Trixie nodded. Her horn glowed and Lily's computer glowed! YouTube was brought up, followed by a video showing Trixie throwing the knives around a screaming Ted Mosbey. All the kids cheered at the video, and surrounded her with questions on how she did it & what her personal favorite stuff were.
"Oh boy." Lily commented to herself.
Trixie was already called the coolest kid in school after that moment, and, from what Lily saw, all the students worshiped her as some sort of Idol, and Trixie basked in their applause for her. It didn't take too long to find out Trixie passed with a C, but from her fellow fans and attention at school, she actually didn't mind being babied by Marshall and Lily. Barney however, felt a great disappointment, not only did his daughter lost to a challenge, but she accepted it with open arms, not like him who'll try to find loopholes in their victory. But that isn't until later, as Trixie was going to spend some one on one time with Marshall, Robin, and your's truly.
The Great and Legend-Wait for it... Dary Trixie!
Lily taught Trixie more things that mattered in kindergarten, and even helped Trixie pronounced her own name and words correctly in the first few weeks of school. But, just like a smoker, Barney couldn't last for a few days without hitting on, and the occasional sex with another woman, so he did the next best thing.
Marshall sat on the couch, watching some T.V., then the door knocked.
"Who is it?" Marshall asked
"It's Barney!" He replied, voice muffled by the door.
"What do you want?"
"I have a gift for you."
"Is it a suit?"
"Nope! A Big, fat sandwich!"
"Sandwich!?" Marshal got up, only to see Barney at the door, doling Trixie. "Really? If you need someone to babysit, why don't you hire one yourself?"
"If I do, you know I'm just going to have sex with them! Besides, you and Lily want a child, so here you go!"
"NO!!!" Trixie yelled, waving her hooves away at Marshall "Trixie doesn't want to be left alone with the leech!"
"Alright Missy," Marshall responded, folding his arms together "Why do you call me a leech?" Trixie stopped flailing and tilted her head.
"Leech doesn't know that he works at Goliath National Bank?"
"And how do you know that I work there!?" Trixie shrugged her front hooves.
"Trixie can tell a lot just by their looks. Trixie knows that her dad works at-"
"That's very nice, sweetie!" Barney interrupted, placing Trixie in Marshall's arms. "Have fun! And please, Marshall, for the love of God, giver her some peanut butter crackers before going to bed! You don't want to to experience a morning with her when she doesn't get her crackers before bed!"
*Flashback*
Barney woke up in the morning, but saw that he was strapped to the spinning wheel Trixie used on Ted that Night. Trixie stood in front of Barney, giving an angered look.
"Uh... Trixie?" Barney asked "What are you doing?"
"You have failed to give Trixie her peanut butter crackers last night." Trixie answered "And for that, Trixie find it suitable that you must be punished, daddy!"
"And how are you going to punish me? You should know that everything here-NO!!! NOT THAT!!!" Trixie held up one of Barney's suit and light a single match. "Trixie!!! Uh.. sweetie... can you put out that light? I'll give you some Peanut Butter crackers now!"
"You are very tempting, father, but Trixie knows that you must watch this as a means of learning and punishment!" Trixie placed the lit match on Barney's suit, making Barney watch as the suit was slowly being engulfed in flames.
"NO!!! TRIXIE!!! PUT IT OUT!!! PUT IT OUT, TRIXIE!!! I'M SORRY!!! OKAY!?!?!? DON'T BURN IT!!! BURN MY PAPERS, BUT NOT THE SUIT!!! ANYTHING BUT THE SUIT!!!"
"Trixie wants you to suffer!!!" Trixie let out an evil laugh that would make an villain proud of her. Barney, on the other hand, only screamed and cried as one of his suits burned to ash.
"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
*Present time*
Marshall held Trixie in one arm and tapped Barney's shoulder, who was completely zoned out.
"Barney?" Marshall asked "Are you alright?" Barney shook himself, giving an emotionless stare.
"Sorry about that." Barney said, turning and walking away. "Have fun, Trixie. Goodbye, Tuesday Morning suit." Barney left without making any noise. Marshall looked down at Trixie.
"So... what do you do for fun?"
"Hm... Trixie usually either helps daddy get chicks with Trixie's tricks," Trixie answered "Or Trixie is busy building her empire at school."
"So... nothing else, really?"
"There's more!?"
"Well... yeah, there is. For example, you-"
"What do you do for fun?"
"Me? Well... I usually look online to see how I can use my knowledge as a lawyer to soon become a judge and-"
"Boring! Trixie thinks you're no longer a leech, but Trixie think's your're now a bottom feeder." Marshall gave her an angered looking stare.
"You want something fun? I usually do this with my friends, but I sing and make music." Trixie's ears perked up.
"Trixie is intrigued by this."
"Well let's go and make some music!"
It seems that Marshall had a real knack with kids, as they both made a song together and enjoyed it. Barney was able to finally have sex with a woman, and Lily returned from work, both bumping into each other on accident, then walked to Lily and Marshall's apartment together.As for me, well... I was with your Aunt Robin again, but I won't say what we were doing.
Lily opened the door, followed by Barney, and they both stopped, seeing Marshall sitting with a piano and Trixie holding a Microphone with the aura around her horn & the mic.
"Trixie?" Barney asked
"Marshal?" Lily added "Are... you both getting along?"
"Hell yeah we are!" Marshall replied "Barney, why didn't you tell me Trixie was an awesome singer!?"
"...I didn't know that!" Barney answered in complete surprise
"Well you both have got to see this! Ready, Trixie?"
"Ready, Beethoven!" Trixie replied.
"Beethoven?" Barney and Lily asked in unison.
"A one, a two, a one, two, three." Marshall played on the piano and Trixie cleared her throat and began to sing.
"♫The moon glows white on the city tonight, a long figure barely seen. A kingdom of determination, and it looks like Trixie is it's queen. The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside. Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows Trixie tried! Don't let them in, don't let them see, be the good girl you always have to be! Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know! Well, now they know! Let it go, let it go! Can't hold it back anymore! Let it go, let it go! Turn away and open the door! Trixie won't care what they're going to say! Let the show go on! The love never bothered Trixie anyway!♫ ... ♫It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small! And the fears that once controlled Trixie can't get to her at all! It's time to see what Trixie can do! To test the limits and break through! No right, no wrong, no rules for Trixie! I'm free! Let it go, let it go! Trixie is one who's fame will fly! Let it go, let it go! You'll never see Trixie cry! Here, Trixie will stand! And here Trixie will stay! Let the show go on!♫ ... ♫Trixie's power flurries through the air into the ground! Trixie's fame is spiraling in the world all around! And one performance freezes you like an icy blast! Trixie's never going back, the past is in the past! Let it go, let it go! When Trixie rises, it'll be like the break of dawn! Let it go, let it go! That little girl is gone! Here Trixie stands! In the light of day! Let the show go on! The love never bothered Trixie anyway!♫"
Barney and Lily stared with their jaws dropped, staring at awe of Trixie's performance. They both applauded & cheered, and Trxie gave a bow to the two!
"That's my girl!" Barney cheered.
Unfortunately, Idina Menzel was their next door neighbor, she heard the whole song's notes & lyrics, and gave it to Disney. Disney then used it for the overrated and highest grossing animated film, Frozen, which was still relevant for nearly two years straight, getting itself a sequel and adding more to it's frozen fire and kids singing "Let it Go" about ten times a day. Although no one knows about it's true origins, we can blame Marshal and Trixie for planting the seeds of an overplayed song that made parents around the world try to get rid of Frozen behind their children's back.
The Great and Legend-Wait for it... Dary Trixie!
Kids, it was no surprise that Robin and Trixie got along together on the first day. A spark of jealousy was made on the first day we all meet Trixie, as Robin was the only one allowed who was able to touch Trixie with the added exception of Barney. If Barney hadn't found Trixe, then Robin may have adopted her as her daughter. But it was about to change that day, as Barney took Trixie to my apartment, where Robin was resting that day. If you're wondering, it was winter time and I was with Marshall & Lily, as we were Christmas shopping
Some knocking was heard on the door and Robin got up, answering the door. Barney and Trixie stood at the door.
"Hello, Barney." Robin said, then looked down at Trixie "Why if it isn't my little favorite magician, the Great and Powerful Trixie. Come here you!" Robin picked up Trixie and placed her in a cradle like position with her arms. "Oof! You're getting heavy! You're not getting fat, are you?"
"Trixie will never be fat!" The unicorn replied "Trixie is just growing!"
"Ah! Soon, you will discover the horror that is puberty. Why'd you drop him off, Barney?"
"...There's some hot chicks that I really want to meet," Barney replied "but, by the looks of them they were scientists, and I really don't want them to take Trixie away. This is more of her protection while I get laid!"
"So you really think they're going to take her away?"
"...It's possible. Well, got to go!" Barney kissed Trixie on her forehead. "Have with Robin, Trixie!"
"Trixie will with Trixie's favorite belly rubber!" She replied. Barney closed the door and sprinted away. Robin began to rub Trixie's belly, both for her and Trixie's amusement. She walked over to the couch and sat down, feeling Trixie get comfortable in her lap. Trixie closed her eyes, had a warm smile on her face, and her back legs kicked every now & then.
"Hey, Trixie." Robin said
"Hm." Was all Trixie replied, enjoying her belly rubs.
"Is it alright if I tell you a little something about myself?"
"M-hm."
"I'm Canadian." Trixie's ears perked, her eyes were wide open, and she looked at Robin with pure shock.
"YOU'RE WHAT!?!?!?" Trixie got up from Robin's lap and landed on the table. "YOU TRAITOR!!!"
"Traitor!? How did I betray you!?"
"You're Canadian! You don't act like a Canadian, so you're a traitor in Trixie's trust and you're own homeland!"
"Well that's just racist!" Trixie jumped off the table and ran across the room! "Hey! What are you doing!?"
"Trixie seeks your homeland stuff! Maple syrup, lack of health bills, your own beaver will do!"
"Trixie!!! I don't have anything from Canada... except for syrup, but that's sold everywhere!!!" Trixie jumped into a closet and closed the door. Robin pulled the doorknob, but it was failing to open. "Trixie! Open this door! There's nothing in-" The door opened and a collection of Canadian stuff poured out of the closet. Trixie's head popped out with a Hockey puck in her mouth. She spat it out.
"A-HA!!!! Trixie has proven that you're a true Canadian!" Robin's head also popped out of the avalanche of junk.
"What are you trying to prove?"
"...Nothing!"
"What!?" Trixie climbed out of the pile and rub herself on Robin's face like a cat. Trixie's horn glowed and she levitated a hockey stick over to her.
"Trixie wants to spend time with you, Robin. Trixie wants to have fun with you!"
"...By what?"
"Trixie wants to play hockey!"
"...And you really think I'm great at it?"
"...yes." The two stared at each other for a bit.
"Fine. Just don't make fun of me for being great at it just because I'm Canadian."
"Trixie makes no promises!" Robin got out of the pile and, with the help of Trixie, the place was cleaned up in a few minutes. Robin and Trixie picked up their hockey sticks, some hockey pucks, and skates. Robin put on her coat, ear muffs, & scarf, putting the same on on Trixie, though unsure on what to do with Trixie's tail area.
They went to the park, seeing the frozen lake, strapped themselves in, and went into the lake to ice skate. It took Trixie a while to balance, and even a little longer to move, but Trixie soon got the hang of it, skating across the floor with such grace.
"You got the hang of it?" Robin asked, skating next to Trixie.
"Trixie has it!" Trixie cheered. Barney, Ted, Marshall, and Lily were walking down the park, carrying their own hot chocolate, wearing snow gear (though Barney had a suit design with his accessories), but stopped and saw both Trixie & Robin skating together.
"Is... Robin skating?" Lily asked
"And with Trixie?" Marshal asked
"Ah... our Canadian training my little girl." Barney said, taking a sip from his hot cocoa.
"...Hope she falls." Ted said, then walking away.
"Don't be such a spoiled sport!" Marshal replied
"Hold on a minute!" Barney yelled. He pulled out his phone. "Ted! What's that song you did before?"
"...What song?"
"That song with Andrew Broccoli."
"... It's Andrea Bocelli's Por Ti Volare"
"Yeah! Can you sing it for this moment?"
"...just this moment?"
"As a solid!"
"...I don't know. I'm not even sure if I want to help her out."
"Please?" Lily asked "This is one thing we won't interrupt you on!"
"I'll convince Trixie to give you 100 bucks." Ted looked at her friends.
"Fine. Play the music." Barney played the song from his phone and Ted took a deep breath, then sang Andrea Bocelli's Por Ti Volare . Trixie and Robin heard Ted sing, but didn't turn to see who was singing, as they both enjoyed their skating! The two performed like a professional Ice skating Couple, as Robin carried Trixie in the air with her arms, and Trixie the same with Robin, but with her magic. They turned and saw Ted singing the wonderful song, making Trixie angry! She made a snowball with her horn's aura and, as Ted did the finale, Trixie threw the snowball at him! It landed and smacked him across the face, making him fall to the floor! Everyone made an 'Oh!' face, then laughed hard! Robin carried Trixie up and rubbed the unicorn's mane!
"This is why I love you!" Robin spoke. Trixie snuggled into Robin placed Trixie on the floor, then skated to her friends. Trixie followed, but, when she tried to run to her father, she fell face first into the snow with her rump in the air. "...ow." Everyone looked down at Trixie, then laughed. Trixie looked up and scrunched an angered look, then smiled a mischievous smile. She levitated four more snowballs and threw them at her family! Barney dodged Trixie's snowball!
"SNOWBALL FIGHT!!!" Barney announced!
For a good hour, all of us went into a large snowball fight with each other. I may have had a good time with her, but that was only because I threw a snowball into her face. We all then sat together in my apartment, drinking fresh hot cocoa from mugs, regaining our warmth inside as we watched many Christmas specials together, including the worst Christmas special of all time .
So... did you ever get to have a good time with Trixie?
As a matter of fact, I did! But that's for tomorrow. Happy Christmas in July, kids.
But... it's june.
... Happy EARLY Christmas in July, kids
The Great and Legend-Wait for it... Dary Trixie!
Kids, as you may know, Marshall and I always had a tradition where, in every three years, we sat together and watched Star Wars on my VHS. While Barney was added to the frame, and all three of us said what we think would happen in the next three years, this wasn't the case. It was a lazy day with Marshall, Lily, and Robin together, as Barney was busy picking up women with the help of Trixie, both in Star Wars outfits.
Barney and Trixie stood at the Table, Barney wearing a Han Solo outfit while Trixie was in a bear costume, trying to look like Chewbacca, though her face was sticking out like a sore thumb.
"Now Trixie," Barney said "the only thing you have to do is make little roars, okay?"
"Little roars?" Trixie asked "But why?"
"Why? Well... you're Chewbacca from Star Wars."
"Star Wars?" Barney stared at Trixie with widened eyes.
"You have never seen Star Wars!?"
"Trixie hasn't."
"OH MY GOD!!! I thought you did!!!"
"Why?"
"I thought you know about the Storm Trooper outfit in our home!"
"That? Trixie thought it was your father's in a war." Barney stared at her for a bit. He then carried her.
"Come on! You have got to see the best movie in your entire life!!!" Barney sprinted out of the door with Trixie in his arms, as they went to Ted's house.
The rest of the gang watched some boring news together.
"Do you want me to get us some sandwiches?" Marshall asked in a bored tone.
"It's too early for that." Lily replied
"Why are we even watching the news?" Robin asked.
"It was Ted's idea." Marshal answered.
"SHH!!!" Ted shushed! "It's on!" The news switched to a little something about one of Ted's apartments in production. Everyone groaned.
"Where's Barney when you need him?" Robin groaned.
"And where's that adorable Trixie?" Lily added. The door banged a few times.
"I'll get it." Marshall said, getting up to answer the door. He opened it, greeted with Barney and Trixie in costume.
"Trixie hasn't seen Star Wars yet!" Barney yelled
"WHAT!?!?!? How!? Did she even recognized the Storm Trooper outfit!?"
"I thought the same thing, but she claim's it was my Dad's suit in battle!"
"She has to watch the best movie of all time!"
"You're right! TED!!!"
"Busy!" Ted replied, still watching for his part.
"Listen to Beethoven and Daddy, Ape!" Trixie yelled.
"Come on, Ted." Lily "We've been watching nothing but boring news all, can't we just do something fun for once?"
"No!" Ted replied with a harsh tone. "Not until my part is on!"
"...That's it!" Robin yelled. She got up and switched the channel to the VHS Channel.
"HEY!!! I was watching that!"
"Ted," Marshall said, walking next to his friend. "Trixie hasn't seen Star Wars yet, and Star Wars is your all time favorite movie."
"...I don't like her around here." Ted pouted.
"Oh come on! She may enjoy it and the you two can finally get along."
"...And if she doesn't?"
"Your lack of faith disturbs me." Barney said in his best Darth Vader voice, placing Trixie on Ted's lap and going to his chair. "Besides, it's not like we're watching the prequels first." Everyone but Trixie shuttered.
"...Trixie doesn't understand." Trixie said. "Trixie is not afraid of these 'Prequels'!"
"...You will be," Ted spoke in his best Yoda voice. "you will be." They all chuckled, and again, Trixie was confused.
"So are we doing this or what!?" Robin asked.
"...Play it!" Robin pulled out the VHS tape and placed it inside the VHS player. Lily turned off all the lights in the house and closed the windows. The opening credits began and Trixie was already hooked!
121 awesome minutes later
The movie ended. Lily turned the light back on and reopened the windows. Trixie began to bounce up & down.
"AGAIN!!!" Trixie yelled "Trixie wants to watch it again!!!"
"Actually," Ted said, patting Trixie's mane "there's two other movies that go with this."
"MORE!?!?!?"
"And with the greatest plot twist of all time." Marshall added.
"...MORE!!! SHOW TRIXIE MORE!!!"
"We will." Ted said. "Through time, we will watch 'The Empire Strikes Back' and 'Return of the Jedi'."
"And if you're curious," Barney added. "then we can watch the prequels." Everyone shuttered again.
"...Episode 3 was pretty good." Lily said. Everyone nodded their heads and agreed.
Over the next few weeks, Trixie and I watched the rest of the Star Wars movies. I actually had a great time with her during those movies, as she had the same reaction I had when I was around her age. We went through the same things: The Battle of Hoth, Training with Yoda, Darth Vader being Luke's father, rescuing Han Solo from Jabba the Hut, goodbye to Yoda, the uncomfortable realization that Luke & Leia were siblings, destroying the Death Star again and the galaxy being freed. I won't tell you about our time with the prequels, but, along with her strange phobia of wheels, which we'll get to soon, she also developed a fear around Jar Jar Binks, to which is a mixed blessing. And I can never forget on that night.
Ted was sleeping in his room when the door opened, revealing some light to Ted's eyes. He shuffled himself around avoiding the light.
"Ted?" Trixie's voice squeaked. Ted opened his eyes lazily.
"Yeah?" he responded.
"Is it alright if I sleep with you for the night?"
"...Sure." Trixie leaped up to Ted's bed, walking over to Ted's face. "Care to tell me why you're here?"
"Oh... that? Well... Trixie had a nightmare."
"And what was it?"
"... Jar Jar Binks chased Trixie on a unicycle."
"...Is that it?"
"It's silly, Trixie will agree, but Trixie knows why you and everyone else shutters at the prequels."
"That's... good to know." Ted closed his eyes and went back to sleep. Trixie got up and tapped Ted's head.
"Ted?"
"Mm?"
"...Trixie is sorry for what Trixie did to you." Ted opened his eyes in surprise. Trixie yawned, walked in a circle, then flopped onto the bed in a circle. She then closed her eyes and very light breathed. "Goodnight... Boba Fett." She was fast asleep. Ted smiled before going to sleep again.
"Goodnight... little Padawan."
And, just like that, all was forgiven. Sure, Trixie gave me a hard time with the others, but that's normal, even for me.
Well... how did you think of J.J. Abram's Star Wars movies?
Um... I never actually saw them.
WHAT!?!?!?
I was working hard, okay? We'll watch it as soon as I'm done, okay?
The Great and Legend-Wait for it... Dary Trixie!
Kids, if there's one thing we know it's true in life, it's that we all grow up and change from our younger selves, for better or for worse. But, as we noticed with Trixie, she grew up much faster than what we anticipated. She... was like a puppy almost, starts off small & vute and, in less than a year, had grown ten fold. But that didn't save her from changes: while not all of them were bad, but they were just strange. As you can know, Trixie still had her love for Peanut Butter Crackers.
Barney heard knocking on his door in his sleep. He grumbled to himself, got up, and answered the door, seeing Robin in front of his door with Trixie in her hands. Trixie was chewing on another pack of Peanut Butter Crackers.
"Again?" Barney asked
"Again." Robin replied, handing Trixie back.
"Jesus! Stop eating all the packets I keep buying, Trixie!"
"But Trixie hungers!" Trixie whined.
Her taste in wizard looking hats & capes.
Everyone sat on the bar's table together, seeing Trixie wearing her hat & cape for the upteenth time.
"Are you even going to change?" Ted asked
"Trixie always changes!" Trixie replied.
"Besides taking the clothing inside out?" Barney asked.
"Dad! You weren't suppose to say that!"
"Whew!" Lily exclaimed "No wonder you stink!"
"Oh yeah!" Marshall agreed, covering his nose. "You've got to wash those clothes, or, at the very least, but new clothes!"
"Trixie does not stink!"
"Take a whiff then." Robin smirked. Trixie took a whiff of her cape. Her eyes widened, her cheeks puffed, and she reswallowed her vomit.
"I guess... Trixie will need to use the laundry tonight."
"Or get some new hats & capes." Barney suggested.
"Hm... Trixie likes your idea!" Barney got up from the table
"Come on. Let's get you some new wizard hats & capes, my little magician."
"More like Gandalf the blue." Ted joked. Everyone laughed at his joke for that. Trixie's horn glowed and she made Marshall slap Ted. "Ow!"
"That oughta teach you something!" Trixie said. Barney carried Trixie, but he showed hi struggle in carrying the once small & relatively light unicorn to the much bigger & heavier unicorn.
But there were other things such as her fear of wheels.
Both Trixie and Barney watched as a bunch of people on bikes passed by them. Nothing was too frightening, but one of the biker's bikes broke apart easily, firing the wheel. Trixie screamed at the wheel heading towards her, but Barney picked her up. Trixie grabbed Barney's head and climbed up on him!
"DESTROY IT!!!" she yelled in fear! "DESTROY THE WHEEL!!!"
"Trixie," Barney spoke, taking Trixie off his head "it's just a wheel."
"IT TRIED TO KILL ME!!!"
"No, it just... turned on you!" Silence fell between the two.
"You are horrible at jokes."
Her strange love for eating pine cones,
Barney and another woman sat next to each other at the park.
"You're so funny!" the woman commented.
"Thanks," Barney replied "and, you should know, that I actually have a unicorn with me."
"You liar!"
"It's true! Trixie!!!" Some awkward seconds passed. "Trixie!" More silence. Barney got up. "Excuse me for a moment." Barney heard some small 'Nom's with crunching. He looked behind a tree, seeing what was happening.
Barney face palmed himself.
"Trixie." He said.
"*What!?*" Trixie asked with her face filled with Pinecones. "*Trixie says they're delicious!*"
"Perhaps I should've left you with the others if I'm going to the park."
Her need to make an entrance & exit with smoke bombs.
Everyone sat down at the couch together as Robin wore protective gloves as she carried the copy of Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace.
"Where is she?" Ted asked "She wanted to know what the prequels were like."
"She better hurry!" Robin yelled "The suckness is breaking through my only protection!" A puff of smoke came in, making everyone cough, and Trixie appeared in the center!
"The Great and Powerful Trrrixie has arrived!"
An Awful 2 hours and 16 minutes later.
Marshall and Lily both had hammers out and destroyed the VHS copy!!! Robin was heard in the bathroom, heaving very heavily into the bathroom. Barney laid on the floor, crying to himself, and both Trixie & Ted hugged each other in fear!
"That annoying monster gave Trixie nightmares!" She said to herself.
"It's alright." Ted said, stroking Trixie's mane. "It can't hurt us anymore!"
"Tr-Trixie needs to go!" She threw another smoke bomb down, making Ted cough! Everyone saw Trixie run into the guest room, only for her to fall down onto her chest. She quickly got up and ran into the guest room.
"...You alright?"
"Just... need... to... have sex!" Barney replied.
"Yeah. Go on, I'll watch her tonight and deliver her to your house in the morning."
And her need for the dramatic flair in her performances.
Trixie stood in front of an audience at the bar. She had her hat & cape on, but it was colored white, and she had a clown makeup on.
"Who thought of this?" Barney whispered to Ted.
"I did." Ted replied
"What!?" Robin asked "Why!?"
"She asked me for help. She claims I know fancy stuff, to which I mostly do, and she needed a performance that will amaze the audience."
"What did you choose?" Marshall asked
"Luciano Pavarotti's 'Vesti La Giubba'. "
"...What!?" Lily asked
"You'll see." The song played and Trixie sang the song. Everyone was quiet, and tears came down both their faces and Trixie's face! Everyone was silent, then they cheered for her! Trixie took a bow and removed her hat. It was no surprise that she earned a lot of money from that.
"You have got to teach us that type of music!" Robin stated.
"Ah... well... you should know that Vesti La Giubba is about-"
"And we're bored."
"It's about a man who tries so hard, but ends up being a clown." Trixie said. "He's told to laugh at his grief, but it's hard, since he's human."
"That's... really touching." Marshall said.
"Quite dramatic." Lily added
"I was wondering why you had that clown stuff on." Barney added.
"OH COME ON!!!" Ted yelled "When I try to say it, it's nonsense to you, but when Trixie says it, it's suddenly grand!"
"Yeah," Robin replied, bending to Trixie and wiping the clown makeup off her face "when a guy like you says it, you sound like a rich douche, but when someone like Trixie says it, it sounds smart and it's adorable."
"But I taughter her that!"
"You didn't." Trixie replied "You bored Trixie, so Trixie looked it up."
But, the real thing that's happened that Barney hates a lot now, it's that Trixie's been getting the ladies.
Barney entered his apartment, surprised to see some women exit the house!
"Bye!" One of the ladies said
"Next week?" Another asked
"Trixie will see." She replied. Barney's mouth was wide open, then he turned to Trixie. Trixie was on a pile of Pinecones with some peanut butter crackers on her tummy.
"How did you do that?"
"Do what?"
"THAT!!! You got more women in here than I can in a week! Plus, I think those were the women who rejected me a week earlier! How!?"
"...Trixie's just good at it."
"... Out!"
"...What?"
"OUT!!!"
"But... Dad-"
"Don't you 'Dad' me! If there's one thing I hate more than the Star Wars prequels and taking my accidental curly fry, it's someone else getting more women than me! Now...OUT!!!" Trixie's ears went down and she got up with her clothes on. She walked out of the door and looked to Barney.
Barney groaned to himself and slammed the door on Trixie! Trixie stared at the door for a few moments.
"Dammit." She said to herself. "Might as well go to Lily's & Marshall's apartment until this is settled.
The Great and Legend-Wait for it... Dary Trixie!
Kids, what Barney did was both really selfish and stupid to Trixie. Trixie may have not have gotten any attention besides those women, but she traveled her way to Marshal , Lilly, and my apartment. We were really surprised, especially with what we were doing.
Marshall, Lily, and Ted were all sitting on the couch, eating sandwiches.
"This sandwich tastes so good!" Marshall said
"Tell me about it!" Ted replied, followed by uncontrolled giggling.
"Hold on!" Lily interrupted "Remember Trixie?"
"Yeah?" Both guys replied
"What if, hear me out, that little horse gets ladies more than Barney... Barney kicked her out!"
"...Like that will happen!" Ted spoke. Everyone laughed uncontrollably again. The door opened and Trixie walked in. All three turned and saw Trixie.
"...who let the dog out?" Marshall asked.
"...Trixie leave you all alone until the morning." Trixie said, then walked away "Your bed is mine, Ted!"
"...No problem, Robin." Ted replied.
In the morning, all of three woke up with Ted in the middle, and both Lily & Marshall were leaning & snoring on ted. Trixie, in the meanwhile, walked around the area, picking up the halfway finished sandwiches, and making the living room clean. Marshall snorted himself awake and saw Trixie making the place look nice.
"Oh... hey Trixie... what'cha doing here?" Marshall asked. Trixie turned to him.
"Figures," she replied "Trixie was kicked out from her father's apartment because Trixie keeps getting the hot ladies."
"...Really?"
"Yes." The two stared at each other for a few seconds. Ted and Robin groaned, getting up from their hangover.
"Hello..." Lily muttered "This is... Robin... Sparkles."
"Sparkle?" Trixie asked, her eyebrow raising.
"Oh god!" Ted yelled, stretching "That was even worse than Twilight!"
"Twilight!?"
Kids, on that day, we learned that Trixie's two most hated words were 'Twilight' and 'Sparkle'. We learned this the hard way
Both Robin and Ted were in a boxing ring in the living room, both wearing gear to fight each other.
"Do we really have to do this?" Ted asked
"Until One of you is knocked out," Trixie answered "Trixie says nay!!!"
"...Horse puns, anyone?"
"I'm fine with it." Lily replied. She punched Ted across the face and he was instantly K.O.ed.
"And the winner, by a long shot, goes to Lily." Marshall announced. Trixie ringed the bell to signify that Lily won.
While that was happening, Barney was having problems of his own.
The door knocked and Barney answered it, wearing one of Trixie's hats and capes, and was greeted with five super hot ladies!
"Hello... ladies." Barney spoke in his seductive tone
"Uh... where's Trixie?" One of them asked
"Trixie's gone, but we can wait for her to come back." The ladies whispered to each other, then nodded their heads in approval.
"We'll wait for her," the ringleader spoke "but is she isn't here by the hour, then we're leaving."
"That's alright! In fact, I can find her if you want."
"Really!?" Another spoke
"Trixie is just so cute!" Another added.
"Uh... yeah... just wait and I'll get her." Barney said. The ladies entered and sat on his couch. Barney exited his apartment and sprinted to the others!
Trixie placed an Ice pack on Ted's head, tending to his injury.
"Thanks, Trixie."
"No problem." Trixie replied "Now what did we learn?"
"...To never use those two words together."
"And what are those words?"
"...The franchise name that made vampires not die in the sun."
"...Close enough!" The door knocked.
"I'll get it." Marshall announced, going to the door. He opened it to see a panting Barney.
"...Need... Trixie!" He gasped.
"Barney? What is it? Why do you need Trixie?"
"Just... need... her! Ladies!!! Have... Blueballs!"
"...Really?"
"What!? They're hot! I think one of them has boobs as big as my head!"
"No! Not that! You really want to take Trixie back JUST to get laid!?"
"Well... yeah!"
"TRIXIE HATES YOU!!!" Trixie yelled, her horn glowing and slamming the door on Barney's face. Barney slammed on the door.
"PLEASE!!! Daddy's sorry!!! Think of the good times we had, Trixie!"
"Trixie will have better times with those ladies!!!"
"How are you going to do that!? They're at my house!"
"And... sent!"
"...Sent!?"
"Trixie took your phone away to keep in touch with those ladies."
"YOU SON OF A-"
"Bitch?" One of the women spoke. Barney turned around and saw the five women standing right behind him. Trixie, Ted, Marshall, and Lily heard the women beating up Barney along with his not so manly screams. Trixie opened the door and the women all came in, dawing at Trixie herself and occupying Ted's couch. The three humans stood and watched with a questioned look. Barney got up and looked at Trixie with jealousy.
"Whatever you do," Lily whispered to Barney "Don't ever say 'Twilight' and 'Sparkle around her."
"TRIXIE HEARD THAT!!!" Trixie yelled
"Aw! Who needs a bewwy wub?" One of the ladies asked.
"I do! Trixie does!!!"
Twilight Sparkle? Ted thought to himself. Then he got an evil idea.
We were all at the bar that night, and Trixie stared down at Robin.
Robin looked back at a staring Trixie as she drank her glass of water.
"What?" Robin asked
"Trixie heard of your past." The unicorn replied "And Trixie hates that last name of yours... Sparkle!"
"...I do as well."
"Then Trixie loves you!" She nuzzled Robin's arm and Robin petted the unicorn's mane.
"You get an apology and I get a punch to the face." Ted deadpanned.
"Not my fault you got beaten by a woman!" Lily replied "Badass!!!"
"Where's Barney?" Marshall asked. The door opened and Barney came in, this time, with a German Shepard that had a purple coat.
"Wassup?" Barney asked "Have you meet my new bitch?"
"...Barney," Ted asked "Why is that dog purple?"
"This? Oh, she was born that way. Hey Trixie, I found something better than you." Everyone gasped.
"Barney!" Lily yelled, grabbing Trixie, who began to tear up a bit "If this is about some jealous thing about her getting ladies, you should feel shame for yourself!!!"
"I'm not jealous! I just need the right thing to get the ladies so I can have sex with and not be fed, have belly rubs, have a cute... third person dialogue... or a... cute mane with a... tiny horn."
"...What's the dog's name?" Robin asked. Barney shook out of it.
"Ah yes! Trixie, meet your replacement, Twilight- Wait for it!"
"DUCK!!!" Marshall yelled. Lily placed Trixie on the table and ducked with everyone else.
"SPARKLE!!!"
We have no idea what happened after that. All we heard was Trixie screaming, the bar's walls & glasses shattered into smaller pieces, that dog Twilight Sparkle whimpering, and Barney screaming like a woman. When the damage was done, all we saw was Barney with many cuts & bruises on his face, slowly petting Trixie on a chair, with the bar in serious need of repair and new glasses.
"...I'm so sorry, Trixie." Barney spoke
"And Trixie forgives you." Trixie forgave.
"But... can you lay off the ladies for a bit?"
"...Sure."
"Cool. Also, want to do something tomorrow, as a father-daughter thing?"
"...Sure."
Trixie was able to get back her home easily on that one night. We don;t know what happened, but I'm glad no one but Barney knows. Even to this day, Barney will not tell us on what happened that night. At least he get his request on still getting ladies and having fun with his daughter in the future.
