The Etiquette of Mounting
“Anon,” Princess Celestia says, a smile perching on her lips. She says your name again and you have to force yourself to answer her, ignoring the blood rushing to your face as you jump to your feet. “Anon,” Her voice is so light, so deliberate and gentle that you squirm, feeling her all-knowing eyes rest on you. “I hope that you didn't wait too long.”
“Not at all.” Did you stutter? No way. You didn't. “So-” You start off lamely and let the question fizz in the air as you shift your feet. Why did everything feel so awkward? Why was she looking at you like that?
You have to get it together. You're not a child.
She's just a immortal god-like princess ruling over her nation of ponies.
Stop blushing.
But for some reason, you blush even harder. It's that smile. You stare at her. At it. Slightly unnerved. She, the Princess, has never smiled like that or at least, never around you.
Princess Celestia was known for her smiles. You learned it quickly when you first met her, the Princess smiling through a tense departure with the vulture chiefs, as you were brought to speak with Luna.
You usually loved her smiles. They could range from fun-loving to cleverly cruel to delightfully pleased. The way that she would quirk her lips when she ate at dinner between bites. You wondered if she did on purpose. Smiles that you were only meant to see.
In your head, you call her the smiling princess and pray that she doesn't turn out to have mind-reading powers. That would be awkward.
But that smile.
That new smile.
You gulp, mouth drying as the Princess stalks closer to you. Her smile... It wasn't wrong per-say. It didn't quiver with mischief but the light didn't reach her eyes. You looked into them and only saw yourself swirling in the depths. And that smile, if it needed a word, was coy.
Princess Celestia was never coy.
“My last meeting for the day has adjourned. I now have-” She allows her words to hang as she strolls her way to where you are. She leans down her long and regal neck as she always does, closer to you so you don't have to stretch your neck to continue a conversation. “Free time.” She says, a hint of disbelief buried in her words.
“I have free time.” She says again, breathing out the words. Her eyes close, caught in a recollection that you aren't sure you want to ask about as Celestia does something you never seen her do before. Paw at the ground with a barely muffled moan sliding out of her lips. You scratch at your neck, feeling at odds. The Princess's eyes open and twinkle, that smile of hers growing wider with promise.
“This is rather spontaneous of me.” Celestia says, whispering as if she was worrying of being overheard. You quickly glance around. The hallway is empty but then again, how many ponies wait outside of Princess Celestia's personal chambers on a daily basis? “I can't remember the last time I cut through all those chains of appointments, meeting and signings for a Wednesday without there being some national disaster at hoof.”
The Princess takes a few steps ahead of you and you walk to her side. “Can you believe it?” Though you are still a bit nervous, you can't help but smile yourself at the Princess's excitement about a ordinary Wednesday. “Free time on a Wednesday? That's absolutely terrible.”
“Congratulations.” You say, pushing down the wave of confusion and questions you meant to ask her when she arrived. Like why did she ask you to wait near her personal chambers? She never asked you that before. And why did she need clear up her schedule for this? But you don't say any of that. You don't want to ruin the good mood the Princess is in. After all, this is your last day here. “Having free time is pretty swell.”
A day ago, Twilight Sparkle and her friends sent word about the dimensional rift that dropped you off in this strange place had been found. They managed to stabilized for now and a couple of their tests prove that it was safe enough to return you home. And as much as you enjoyed your time here, you were ready to head home.
“Thank you. I like that word. Swell. I should use it more often.” The Princess canters away, her horn glowing and the grand doors to her rooms opens without a sound. “This will be a pretty swell day.” She says, her voice hiding a giggle. You follow after her, giving a salute to the guards you both pass through.
Actually, the biggest question on your mind was why you were still here. In the castle, you mean. The guards at the front doors had said something about the train being out and a parasprite attack on the rail line delaying the process... Reasonable enough. But when you think about how you arrived after your adventures in Ponyville, you came in a pegasi-drawn carriage. Something wasn't adding up.
“Now, I know that you are curious as to why I asked you here.” Celestia says as she leads you pass sets of doors. You have no idea where you are going. “Well, it has to do with my lack of free time.”
“I am quite experienced. I won't claim to know everything but there is very little that interests me. Anymore, ahem. When I was young, I was used to being bedazzled by all what the world had to offer. Now that I'm older, I have to make opportunities for myself but I've always been slow about doing it. Luna never had that problem.” She says with a sad chuckle. “This is something I've been meaning to ask for a while but I couldn't rightly ask.”
“You have my full attention.” You say, wondering what she wanted. Could she have wanted an ear scratch like quite a few ponies you know. “Saying it won't hurt.”
“Still, I waited so long and here I go, imposing as your time with us comes to a end.” She says with a wistful sigh. “But it's either now or never.” Celestia finally stops in front of a door and opens it with a hoof into the latch. She steps aside quietly, the sound of her hooves disappearing. You wait for a few minutes, apprehensive of what you are going to find before you buck up and go after her.
To your surprise, it's an ordinary-looking room. Circular and empty besides the pair of doors on the opposite walls. You press your shoe against the floor, hearing no sound as your foot sinks slightly. Padded? Why was the room padded? The princess walks ahead of you, opening a door that led to a closet.
Your curiosity gets the best of you and you look pass Princess Celestia's shoulders. Inside are rows and rows of saddles made in different styles and fabrics. All aged but well taken care of, you note as Celestia wipes a few and admires others. You mentally count up to a hundred and you can't say how big the closet is and how far it could go.
Once she was done with her maintenance, she magicks out a white saddle with a gold trim. Then a matching horse reins and muzzle that she looks at with a fond smile.
Oh.
You get it now.
“Would it be too much to ask for this favor? I have noticed you making eyes to my...” Celestia lowers her eyes, blushing as you imagine every possible ending to that sentence and curse yourself for being so obvious.
You look away, pretending to consider. Who expected a horse to ask someone to ride them? Not you for one. You let out the breath you were holding because well, what a way to end your last day in Equestria.
“Sure.”
She smiles. “I don't know the way ponies do it now. I always thought myself above it all but now that you said yes... I uh... prefer it to be saddle on skin. That was the popular way when I used to do it. But it's up to you.”
“Whatever makes you comfortable.” Look at you, comforting a horse about wanting to rode on. “Just lead me through this slowly. I'm not used to riding.”
“Don't worry,” She says with a titter. “I promise to be rough.”
What? Did you hear wrong? Did she just say she promised to be rough?
Princess Celestia levitates her crown off and disrobes her queenly garments; her necklace and hoof shoes.
You take in the sight of her naked.
Her coat is an alabaster white, the contrast far more striking than it had been before. Hips round and plump, gleaming. Legs far more tone than they appeared before. She seems to come alive. Far more vivid than before, her coy smile stretching to both cheeks as she leans forward on her forehooves. Her flowing mane and tail flutter in the invisible wind as her legs part and you look away, not wanting to be flashed.
“What are you doing?” She asks, turning to you. “It's your turn.”
“My-my turn? I uh... don't know...” Sure, ponies might walk around in the nude but that didn't mean that you wanted to. “Couldn't I wear a towel? I know we passed some on the way here.”
“Nonsense.” She crosses over faster than you expect and leans in, her face brushing against yours. “Don't be embarrassed.” Celestia says as her head dips low. Her mouth reaches out, pulling the buttons of your shirt free. Pop. Pop. Pop. You instantly regret not wearing a night shirt as her muzzle rubs against your bare chest. Pop. There went a fourth before you backed away, breathing hard.
“I can do it myself.” You say lamely. “Being human... We have certain taboos. We don't usually get undressed and naked for just any-” As you talk, your hands wander to the rest of the your shirt, tapping against the buttons left. You couldn't hear the buttons falling on the ground but you certainly feel them on your shoes.
Celestia only waits quietly, staring. Somehow making you feel ridiculous for objecting. Who cares? You didn't have to be comfortable with stripping naked. You weren't a member of a species that wore clothes for fun. You know that and more but still, you gave in. Unbuttoning the rest of your shirt, you flung it away.
“It's cute how your blush runs all the way down.” She says and you find yourself roasting alive under her eyes.
You fold your arms, pleased to have rid yourself of your garment until Celestia takes a long look at your lower half. You deflate, of course she would want you to be all the way nude. “Really? Are you sure that you want certain body parts on your saddle? Think about the dry cleaning!” She smirks, slowly turning her head as if she wants to give you time to adjust. Screw that. “Oh fine.”
There goes the rest of your clothing, thrown to the side to where your shirt rests against the wall.
'My ancestors used to walk in the nude. It's no big deal.' You think inside of your head.
“You're a lot bigger than I thought you were.” She says, on her hooves and circling you like a wolf about to descend. “You're also a lot smaller too.” Small? Big? Are they complements or insults?
“Can you get on your knees, I want to adjust the saddle.”
You comply, resting on your heels as Celestia shakes her head. “Hooves and knees. Oh, hands and knees.”
Confused, you do so.
“Perfect. I knew this saddle would work for your shape and build.”
What?
With a flash, the saddle sits on your back and the reins in your mouth. Before you can get a word out, Celestia slides a hoof along your side, patting your rump before she stands over you.
“Gitty up.”
And then she lands.
