The explosive sound of the alarm clock was accompanied by an unwelcoming groan from the teen lying in the bed. His green eyes cracked open, his hand fumbling around for the apocalyptic alarm clock on his bedside table.
His hand slammed down onto the clock, the bells ceasing their awakening symphony, Shite-I-Don't-Wanna-Hear in A-Minor, another groan accompanying his sitting up before his dry voice croaked a single word.
"Right..." his English accent announced, running a hand through his messy hair before throwing the covers off himself, swinging his feet onto the old wooden floorboards of his temporary bedroom.
His eyes looked through a partition in the curtains, seeing that the sun had not yet been risen by his new bestie and the clock telling him that it had just hit ten-to-four in the morning.
"Right" he repeated, getting out of bed and moving through the dark room, the boards creaking under his feet as he made his way to the bathroom, a three-by-five space containing a busted toilet, barbaric tin bath, tin sink and a towel as rough as a brick.
"You know, of all the things I've heard Celly's good at, recognizing sarcasm isn't one of them" he growled, walking over to the sink and turning the tap, waiting in anticipation for the beautiful, flowing water that would cascade out of the pristine sink and land softly in the polished basin.
After watching the tap puke out the water like an old LMG with a jamming problem into the sink he stuck his hands under the water before splashing his face.
"'No, no, I don't mind where you stick me as long as it's got a bed and running water'" he reminded himself "I really can't figure out who's the bigger idiot in this situation, me for even joking about that or her for not realizing I was joking... I think I'll do the traditional English response: blame it on the missus and laugh about it with the lads... if I had a missus or lads to blame and laugh about it with"
After drying/shearing his face with the towel/cotton brick whilst humming 'Mr Lonely' to himself he made his way over to his sliding door wardrobe, trying to open the Egyptian-tomb-esque door with a mighty heave, forcing his muscles to put more effort than he or they were willing into it that early in the morning.
"C'mon you bastard" he growled, his accent travelling higher up the M1 and reaching dangerously close to Middlesbrough as the 'ou' sound effect in the word 'you' was reduced to just the 'u' sound and the 'r' went completely missing from the finishing curse.
With another push the old door grinded across it's long-since-rusted wheels and slid behind the other door it was paired with. He grabbed his usual morning attire, a smelly old pair of grey cotton trackies, a dark grey, long sleeved shirt with a thick grey jumper, completed with mouldy old Converses, black fingerless gloves and a black watch-cap, all kindly donated to him by his father before he was thrown into Equestria in a fruit pastel lightning strike.
Throwing off his night clothes and dressing in his workout gear he left his bedroom and thudded down the stairs, missing the third one that was missing half of itself, codenamed the 'I'll get around to fixing this fucker eventually' step. It's name, however, was not a plan for it and just something he told guests who came round so he didn't look like a twat.
After jumping to the bottom of the stairs he looked over to the corner of the room, seeing a green eyed little German Shepard puppy watching him with a shattered expression on her face.
"Now you're learning girl" he chuckled, patting his leg "You ready for the morning walk?"
The little dog yawned quietly, the usual squeak puppies had at the end of their yawns sounding in the darkness, before the black and brown beast climbed out of her castle and walked over to her food bowl, sitting down and looking at her master with an expectant eye.
"Alright then mate, I'll get you sorted out" he said, walking into the dusty kitchen, grabbing the bag of dog food and pouring out a small portion of food into the bowl.
The puppy looked at him, blinked twice before smacking her food bowl with her paw and licking her nose.
"You want more?" he asked with a cocked eyebrow "You know the rules mate, if you want extra food then we have to do an extra half an hour around the city to burn it off before going to see her royal heiny-ness, without stopping this time"
The pup licked her nose again, seemingly weighing up the choice before smacking her paw against the bowl a second time with a little growl thrown in.
"Fair enough lard arse, but you're gonna regret it because at the end of the half an hour we're taking the back route to the castle and not the stairs" he shrugged, giving her an extra amount of kibble before standing up "And I know you hate that"
The dog flattened her ears against her head, knowing what he was talking about and her reaction caused a smile to spread onto her master's face.
"No worries mate, I'll bring us both a bottle and your bowl this time so I don't have to bottle feed you this time, I know you're too old for that now" he chuckled "Now, hang on while I get you a drink, we need to get good and hydrated for our extra long run"
The dog began to quickly devour the kibble, knowing that she'd need it and the energy it gave, before her master filled up a metal bowl for her with the second shite sink in the house, setting it down next to her and stroking her soft fur before moving over to the fridge and taking out three eggs and milk.
He closed the door with his elbow as he turned around, moving over to the cupboard where a bag of granola, oats and almonds sat waiting for him to devour hungrily, needing his own source of energy for his day.
After feeding and watering themselves the two got ready for their run, aiming to take the long route through Canterlot, which included the residential and financial districts followed by the markets and then up to the castle.
"Right, you ready to go Kaiba?" he asked the puppy as he fastened her collar on her neck, attaching the thick leather strap they used as a lead before standing up and heading towards the door.
Celestia's internal clock informed her that it was time for her to awaken, her white eyelids sliding up and revealing her beautiful purple eyes, her long eyelashes shaking briefly as she blinked continuously to clear her vision.
In her head she ran through the checklist she'd compiled the previous before turning in for sleep, her list including the public opening of the new-and-improved Canterlot Library, signing off on the new pension values she'd reworked for serving soldiers and then there was her briefing with the human that'd arrived in Equestria the previous winter, Adrian.
A small smile touched the corners of her mouth as she elegantly exited the bed, smoothing the creases out on her yellow nightie, pressing the thing fabric down against her wide hips, the area that was often the most disturbed during the night due to her constantly rolling over.
She looked at the clock she had on the wall, seeing it read just after four in the morning, leaving her a good few hours to prepare for work before she met Luna to lower the moon and raise the sun together.
Deciding that it was a good start to get in her shower she made her way to the Royal En Suite, turning on the beautifully-crafted showerhead and placing a soft hand under the spray, waiting for the water to warm up.
Upon deciding the temperature was a comfortable one she cast her nightie aside and stepped under the spray, the warm water slicking down her thick mane and flattening the usual roughed-up tufts of fur she had on her cheeks brought on by ignoring her pillow and sleeping flat on the mattress itself.
She ran her hands through her mane to slick it back before flicking it forward over her face, using her magic to levitate the shampoo she had in the side of the shower into her hand.
With a quick shake and squeeze she'd begun the arduous task of washing, conditioning, drying, combing and thickening up both her mane and tail before selecting her dress.
Her thoughts wandered to Adrian again, beginning to think up a few questions she wanted to ask him about his world.
He'd mentioned that the country he'd lived in was called England, which belonged the to United Kingdom... but also that it was known as Britain, Great Britain and the British Isles, this being on the account of several tiny islands that were dotted around the English archipelago
He had thrown in a sideways joke, a one that had made her chuckle when she'd heard it.
"Now what was it he had said?" she asked herself, pursing her lips "They're kinda like the distant relatives that you found out were involved with a death cult, you're still related and someone could find them if you looked it up but they aren't the kind of thing you'd bring up when asked about family"
She rolled her eyes and chuckled, rinsing her mane and tail thoroughly, brushing out stray bubbles with a paddle brush she kept in the shower.
Celestia thought back to the many comments made by Adrian that had tickled her in a humorous manner, one moment in particular coming from their conversation about giving away surplus wine to families every Hearth's Warming Eve as a gift from the royal family to which he responded by cracking another joke.
"Giving away surplus wine?" Celestia asked aloud, trying her best to mimic Adrian's accent and vocal inflections "That's got to be, like, the least Scottish sentence I've ever heard"
She set her mane/tail cleaning supplies aside before moving into her scented body-wash, the sweet vanilla concoction being slightly cold upon application but soon being dispersed enough to the point where it no longer mattered.
She ran her hands over her large breasts before massaging her sore stomach, having attempted to keep up with her niece's husband at an exercise routine involving sit-ups and nearly rupturing her abdominal muscles in the process.
She never understood why stallions went through the agony of working out as much as they did to achieve there muscular bodies, it seemed unnecessary to be that size and strength when they existed in an age with practically no war and no need to fight.
She'd heard them justifying it as a want to be attractive and boost their self-esteem and she could understand that but she found it quite unsightly to see so many stallions ravaging their bodies with hours of rigorous exercise, meal plans and fat trimming until they looked unhealthy.
She'd been shown different types of stallions with muscular physiques, having to do research in order to have an educated opinion on exercise for her own good and the illustrations she'd seen found that once stallions dropped to below four percent body fat they just became unattractive and the craze of this generation was to achieve the god-like status of two percent body fat which, to her, looked revolting.
She knew that Adrian exercised very often, that was why he was up to meet her at the top of the castle to raise the sun every morning at six A.M, usually covered in sweat and having the present she'd given him padding along behind him in an exhausted manner.
"I definitely think the dog was a good idea" Celestia nodded to herself, lifting her right foot up and resting it on her knee to wash in between her toes "He really seems to like her and takes good care of her"
With her mind back on topic after the little anecdote, she began to think of what Adrian's body looked like as it had been winter for the past few months and he'd never been seen without his thick running gear on, at least by her.
She knew that he wasn't enormously muscular, his frame was still lean, that was visible just from looking at him, and whatever his physique was it wasn't too much for his height, having described himself as five-foot-nine.
It was a good height for a man, most stallions in Equestria measuring at average about five-ten but very rarely hitting six feet tall.
As rare and impressive this height was it was still nothing compared to her own six-foot-five standing height, larger still when wearing heeled shoes. As a result of this she towered above everypony she met and talked to, her sister only standing at six-two herself and their niece Cadance being the same height as Adrian.
Shining Armour was a very lucky stallion standing at six feet tall with his own muscular physique, but her relationship with him was a familial one, she felt no attraction towards her niece's husband.
After rinsing her body off she stepped out of the spray and levitated her towel over to her, wrapping it around her buxom body before running her fingers through her mane and shaking her head.
"Right then-" she said, her usual smile coming to her face "Time to get to work"
Adrian's heart thudded loudly as his lungs heaved in an almost painful fashion, the cold, hard ground beneath him providing perfect traction for his old shoes to scrape against, the sound of his breath mixed with the pants of his puppy, her collar jangling and her sharp claws striking the road were the only things they could hear.
The street lanterns were still lit and the sun had yet to be risen, the pair having only been running for just over half an hour. Adrian expected Celestia to be up and ready, or at least in the process of getting ready, by now and was probably enjoying a few hours of relaxation as she liked to do whenever she got the chance.
The sweat on his body had long since soaked through his shirt and was now visible on his jumper and thanks to the cold early morning air he was beginning to chill quickly.
"This way pooch" he said to Kaiba, leading her off to the left and down a thinner street, taking the longer route to the market that morning as he was hoping to run into one of his favourite vendors.
He quickened his pace slightly, forcing his poor little pup to do the same, much to her displeasure, something she voiced with a loud bark.
"C'mon, if we get there quick enough she might have some water for us" he called back to the dog, a sentence she once again seemed to understand, giving a burst of speed to rival her master's in her desperation for a drink and a rest "Good girl"
The two of them dashed quietly through the streets, Adrian adding more slack to the lead to allow him to shadow box as he ran, remembering not to waste his breath grunting as he threw his punches.
They quickly arrived at the market stalls, seeing the usual sight of a father-and-daughter-ran market stall in the process of being set-up.
"Brilliant, they're here early today mate" Adrian grinned, looking down at Kaiba, the pup having spotted the same thing he had and was now sprinting at full speed.
Adrian grimaced through the agony this new dash forced onto him by his pet brought, repeating the phrase 'No pain' for as long as he needed to before skidding to a stop next to the family business.
They spotted him quickly, the young daughter around his age giving him a bright smile and a wave.
"Morning Adrian" she beamed "The usual?"
"If you wouldn't mind" Adrian grinned, dropping down onto his back and straightening himself out, allowing the oxygen to flow through him easier and regain more of his strength "And d'you mind giving the little lady and extra few drops, she's really pushed herself so far"
"Sure thing" the blue-maned mare nodded, taking a small bowl from the stack they'd brought and pouring water into it, setting it down and smiling as Kaiba began to viciously lap up the precious liquid.
"So... how're you doing this fine morning Ms Blossom?" he asked, lifting his head up as she looked down at him.
"I'm doing as good as you can for half four in the morning" she chuckled, jabbing a thumb back at her father, an older man with a balding purple mane and white fur "Thought the old man was getting too sick to work the stall today, still hasn't lost his winter cold yet"
Adrian looked up at the older stallion, cocking an eyebrow as he gave his usual arsehole response.
"So he lost his mane instead?" he asked with a smirk.
"I heard that" he called over, the two of them engaging in their usual morning banter.
"Good to see the hair's fallen out of your ears too, geezer" Adrian chuckled, the older stallion walking over to him and throwing him a fresh, green apple "Thanks mate"
"Geezer?" he asked in a surprised tone "I don't think I've ever heard you call me that before"
"I know, I did it ironically to take the piss out of the Cockneys... I really hope I don't use it so much that it actually becomes part of my vocabulary" Adrian shrugged, sitting up and taking a bite out of the apple "That's how I started using the word mate"
"Yeah, that freaked me out the first time I heard that seeing as how mate is the expression used for... well spouses, really" the older man nodded "Took some getting used to, along with some of your other sayings"
"Wye ai man, pretty canny like, innit?" Adrian grinned, standing back up and stretching his back.
The older stallion blinked for a second before shaking his head.
"What?" he asked in utter confusion.
"That's the expression they use in the North-East a lot, just lower your I.Q by about three hundred and it'll start to make sense to you" Adrian said, walking over to Kaiba who was still gulping down the water.
"Careful mate, you'll get sick if you drink too fast" Adrian warned, the usually intelligent dog ignoring his kind advice "Alright, fuck you then, but don't think for a minute I'm cleaning it when you hack up all over the bastard place"
He wrapped her lead back around his hand and straightened his stance, the tension on the lead informing Kaiba that it was time to continue running.
"Alright then, see you later" he said with a nod.
He turned to go before Blossom put a hand on his shoulder, her soft eyes looking at him with a nervous expression.
"Can I help you?" he asked in a friendly tone.
"Yeah... I, uh, was wondering... are you busy... uh, Friday night?" she asked with a sheepish smile.
Adrian chuckled, placing is hands on his hips and smiling at the cute mare. He was preparing to shake his head and say that he was available before the mare's father cut in and answered for him.
"He might not be, but you are" he said.
"What!?" she exclaimed loudly, whirling around and glaring at her father "Since when?!"
"Since I just remembered that you've got to help your mother and I load weed the fields and get them ready for the planting season in a few months" he responded.
"Are... are you serious?" she asked "The last time we tried to do that it took us three full weeks to get one of the field done!"
"Then we better do it faster this time, you might be able to see him sometime in the summer, because we're not coming back to Canterlot for a while now" he shrugged, turning back to setting up the stall.
"You... you..." she growled, her arms twitching down by her sides in rage before Adrian tapped her on the shoulder and speaking.
"Sorry Blossom, maybe I'll see you around some other time?" he asked only for her to shake her head.
"No... not for a long time, the next time I'll be able to get into Canterlot is this winter, can't be wasting the money we need for food, harvesting and preserving on stupid train tickets can I?" she asked in a disheartened manner.
"Right... well, just so you can say you didn't completely miss out-" Adrian said, leaning forward and giving her a peck on the cheek before moving away from her, turning away and adding more tension to Kaiba's lead "C'mon mate"
"Thanks Adrian" she nodded, stuffing her hands in her pockets and sighing loudly, kicking a rock away from her "I hate this job"
"Then you should've tried harder in school" her father responded.
"Yeah, whatever" she growled, moving back over to the stall and helping her father "Try not to drop this thing on our heads and kill us both okay?"
"No promises"
Celestia zipped the side of her dress up and hid the zipper with a long line of fabric, looking at herself in the mirror with a smile.
Cadance had suggested that she start wearing more informal dresses, something not as dressy and a little bit more laid back were the words she'd used.
She'd decided to go for a dress with a high neckline and long sleeves, her personal fashion choice of the sleeves being slightly longer on the top of her hand, coming to an arrowhead point with cloth hoops to hook around her middle finger. That was her say in the dresses she'd had made.
Cadance's however had the pink alicorn's signature style to them: tightness.
The white dress she wore was not like the large, hanging ones she usually donned, but was instead a thin white fabric that mapped out each curve she had on her hourglass body. the stitchwork even being altered to give a slight raise to her breasts to make them appear perkier than they already were.
Her rear was large and easily spotted with the tighter fit of the outfit and she had needed to beg Cadance to make the dress go down to her ankles, something her niece had agreed to... with the condition that the dress needed to be open-legged, the reason being given it needed to have the cut in the side of it to allow her to walk normally without having her movement restricted.
She only wished that the cut didn't go so far up her thigh, nearly exposing the underwear she wore and completely showing off her cutie mark.
"Well..." she muttered to herself, fiddling with the golden neck on the collar "If Cadance can pull it off without being labelled a whore I should be able to as well, right?"
After looking at herself in the mirror one more time with an anxious expression she closed her eyes, placed her index and middle finger against the middle of her brow, taking a deep breath before dragging them down to her lips.
With an exhale on her fingers she performed her metaphorical action of taking her worries and fears from her mind and blowing them away into the wind, opening her gorgeous eyes once more to see her expression calm and collected, as it should be whilst performing her royal duties.
"Now then, let us begin the day proper" she said, taking her leave from her bed chambers and walking through the halls.
Her first stop of the day was her sister's room, knocking six times on the door in the usual pattern to notify Luna it was her before joining her hands at her waist and waiting patiently.
The door clicked loudly, the sound of it being unlocked, before it swung open to reveal a tired, cranky looking Lunar Princess with her own mane frayed and out of control in a wrinkled nightgown printed with stars, teddy bear clutched under her arm.
"It truly amazes me how often you criticise our dear niece for being immature when you refuse to abandon Cottonwick" Celestia said, eyeing the white bear with a raised eyebrow.
"That's Captain Cottonwick to you, he does still command the Night Guard" Luna growled, hugging the bear close to her bust "Now, what do you want?"
"Of course he does, my mistake" Celestia said with a nod before giving her sister a bright smile "We have work to do"
Luna looked at her with a dull expression before throwing her teddy into her sister's face.
"Attack, Captain" she said, the bear squeaking loudly as it hit Celestia in the face, causing her to blink before cocking an eyebrow at Luna.
"And as always, the Night Guard's military force continues to be unimpressive" Celestia sighed "Speaking of which, how's the coup you were planning coming along?"
"Very well, thank you" Luna said "We're currently looking for a plot of land available to buy that includes a forest"
"What's the benefit of buying a forested area?" Celestia asked as Luna bent down and picked up her teddy.
"We can save money by cutting down the trees and building our own trebuchets instead of buying them from somepony else" Luna answered, walking back into her room with Celestia in tow.
"Very clever, and then what do you plan to do with the cleared land?" Celestia asked "I'm assuming a fort?"
"An underground fort" Luna nodded "With tunnels reaching under most Equestrian cities to steal supplies from, once again saving money on feeding my army"
"Good to hear, are you ready to work yet or what?" Celestia asked.
"I will overthrow you one of these days" Luna said confidently.
"Of course you will, but when it doesn't happen just remember that I'll always be proud of you for giving it your best little sister" Celestia said with a smile, petting Luna's head as one does a dog that has completed a task "Now hurry up, we're behind schedule"
"Give me a moment" Luna said, setting her teddy down on the floor before standing straight with her down by her sides, eyes closed and breathing slowly.
With a loud click of her fingers she used her magic to expel the dirt she'd gathered on her from the night, eradicate the plaque she'd developed on her teeth, clean and straighten her hair as well as change her outfit into her usual dress, a bell-bottom gown with arm-length gloves, fitted with the same sleeve style Celestia had, exposed shoulders and a black choker with a sapphire placed in the middle.
"There we go" she said, floating her crown on top of her head and looking up at her sister "Are we going to be talking to your coltfriend by any chance?"
"He's not my-" Celestia began before Luna held up her finger to silence her sister.
"I am aware that he is not, though you wish he were" Luna said "And I just want you to know-"
"How many time do I have to tell you that-" Celestia said, her tone having an irritated nature before she was cut off again.
"And I just want you to know that he feels the same way about you" she finished.
"Lu-" Celestia said before stopping, the words catching in her throat as this new piece of information opened up a new box of questions "You... You're certain of that?"
"Oh, I'm sure most stallions... or boys, or whatever his race is called at his age have similar dreams involving you but his tend to have more of a... relationship aspect to them than most... and much less facials as I believe they're called nowadays" Luna answered.
"Facial... isn't that a terminology used in beauty treatments?" Celestia asked, unwise to the term Luna was using.
"It used to be" Luna nodded "But now it's when a stallion ejaculates-"
"Okay, alright, I get it!" Celestia exclaimed, holding up her hands in front of her and turning away from her sister, grimacing in disgust "Why... why would anypony do something like that?"
"I think it's done as a sign of dominance" Luna shrugged "I've never done it personally"
"I should hope not" Celestia said "Is... is it a popular thing to do?"
"It is with younger couples, not so much married or older ones though, I see it a lot in teenage stallion's dreams quite often, even sometimes involving you or I" Luna answered.
Another ripple of disgust ran through Celestia as it was once again brought to her attention that some of her subjects expressed their love for her in ways she was not comfortable with. Ever since it was brought to her attention that stallions, and mares, would fantasize sexually at her she began wondering how many ponies she talked to were aroused by being around her.
"It still disturbs you out that you're somepony's reason to masturbate doesn't it?" Luna asked, crossing her arms and looking at her sister with a smirk.
"Yes, considerably" Celestia nodded "Does it not disturb you?"
"I find it flattering to be honest" Luna shrugged "Let's me know that I've still got it"
"Right... Adrian doesn't, um, think about me while..." Celestia said, her virgin instinct resurfacing after several millennia due to the awkwardness of the situation.
"I don't know, I can't ready his mind without coming into direct contact with him" Luna shrugged "And if I was next to him while he was pleasuring himself... well reading his mind wouldn't be very high on my priorities list"
"And what... exactly do you mean by that?" Celestia asked with an irritated tone.
Luna gave no verbal response, she merely batted her eyelashes and smirked at her sister before ducking past her and out of the door.
"Come along now Celestia, we have much to do today" Luna called back.
"Where are you off to in such a hurry?" Celestia asked in confusion.
"To steal your coltfriend" Luna grinned, skipping down the hallway.
"The hell you are!"
Adrian looked up to the base of the steps to the castle, seeing two familiar faces.
"Oi, Shining!" he called out to his friend with a wave, the blue-haired unicorn hearing his call and waving back. Shining's wife lay panting next to him, clad in their running gear it looked like Shining had run his wife nearly to death, the buxom princess's chest heaving as she continuously wiped sweat from her face, her usually pristine fur now ruined by the perspiration.
"How're you this fine morning?" Adrian asked, sitting down next to Shining who was sat with his arms resting on his knees, his body kept straight to allow himself to breathe easier.
"I'm doing great, early-morning air's good for the lungs" he nodded, his eyes turning down to his wife "Not so good for Cadances apparently"
"We're bred for late afternoon lounging really... ugh..." she said, raising a finger in her defence before dropping it down to the cold steps "Where did you say the water-giver-pony-thing was again?"
"Well, my dearest master of intricate and complex terminology, the restock station is just up the steps" Shining said, running a finger down his wife's wing bone, the pink appendages twitching weakly.
"How many steps?" Cadance asked "Please say less than ten"
"On the third one actually" Shining answered.
"Really?" Cadance asked, unable to raise her head to look.
"No, it's at the top of the stairs" Shining shrugged "If you don't wanna walk you can always fly up there"
"Or I could die, dying sounds quite enjoyable right now" Cadance huffed "Is Adrian next to you?"
"Yes" Shining nodded.
"Can he carry me?" she asked.
"I dunno, how much do you weigh?" Adrian asked, folding his arms as Kaiba sat down by his side, still panting heavily.
"About... a hundred-and-thirty pounds" Shining answered for her "Though I swear her tits give her an extra ten at least"
"Hey!" Cadance snapped, turning around a pointing angrily at her husband "Don't you dare say anything bad about my rack, you'd never get another woman with tits as big as mine in your life!"
"I dunno about that, I could start nailing, I don't know, either of your aunts" Shining shrugged.
Cadance blinked blankly at her husband for a long second before a surprised look came over her features, turning her head several times to look in different directions .
"D'you hear that?" she asked, cupping her hand around her ear and listening.
"Hear what?" Shining asked.
"Can't you hear the sounds of sex?" she asked Shining.
Shining was silent for a second, looking around and trying to pick up on the sounds but to no avail.
"No, I don't hear it" Shining shrugged.
"And you're not going to for the rest of the month after that little joke of yours" Cadance said, glowering angrily at her husband before turning around and pushing her self up onto her feet, Kaiba getting to her paws as she became aware that everyone else was getting ready to run again.
Shining's face dropped as Adrian's lit up, clapping him on the back as he laughed.
"Oh mate, she just proper mugged you off!" he said, laughing for several long seconds before calming down and turning back to his friend "Alright then, we ready to get to the top of the stairs?"
"Sure thing, get my mind of the sex embargo my wife's just placed me on, we gonna walk it or run it?" Shining asked, turning to Adrian.
"Run it, obviously... ah, it's a shame I don't have my phone with me, can't run up a set of stairs without 'Gonna Fly Now' blaring in your ears, that shit makes you feel invincible" Adrian said, placing his hands on his hips and staring up to the top of the stairs.
"'Gonna Fly Now'?" Shining asked "What's that?"
"It's only the best main theme to any sports movie in existence, it's one of those songs that when you hear it you feel like you can do anything" Adrian said, a nostalgic look appearing on his face "Though, the remixed version they have in the sixth one was the best one to be honest"
"I have no idea what you're talking about" Shining said, though it was clear Adrian wasn't listening.
"'Gonna Fly Now' is amazing for running, but if you wanna get pumped for doing weights then you've gotta listen to 'Going The Distance', that shit's insane"
"Adrian!" Shining snapped, grabbing hold of his shoulders and shaking him lightly "Focus!"
"Right, sorry mate, what were we talking about?" Adrian asked.
"I was gonna go up the stairs and leave you to carry my darling wife" Shining said, giving a thumbs up before blitzing up the stairs.
"Two months you bastard!" Cadance yelled, pointing furiously at Shining as he ran.
"Try shaking your fist at him" Adrian suggested "That usually works"
"Can't..." Cadance groaned "Lack... energy"
"Try asking the animals of the world to lend them your energy" Adrian tried.
"I, uh, what?" Cadance asked in a confused question "That doesn't mean anything to me"
"Then try looking deep within yourself and find meaning Cadance, become one with everything" Adrian said, acquiring a sage-esque look on his face.
"What are you today? The Beginner's Guide to Bullshit and Bastardized Beliefs?" Cadance asked, turning over onto her back and looking up at him with a confused expression.
"Wow Cadance, did you just make that up on the spot?" Adrian asked.
"Yeah, I did actually, impressive right?" Cadance asked with a cocked eyebrow.
"Indeed, where did you get that talent from?" Adrian asked, sitting down and petting Kaiba on the head, causing the pup to sit down next to him.
"Politics" Cadance shrugged.
"Ah, yes, the Master Liar's business" Adrian chuckled "You have to have a knack for it"
"And by 'knack' you mean 'Unbelievable skilled at lying to people's faces and keeping your own straight whilst doing so'?"
"Yup, and totally not a disappointing console launch title either" Adrian said.
"What?" Cadance asked "Did we turn to a new page in the Guide?"
"Eh, more like another volume, I think I'll call this one 'Shit I heard in a Gamespot review and then acted like it was my own opinion because it sounded right'" Adrian grinned before looking back up at Cadance "But forget that, how's your week being going so far hot stuff?"
"Eh, kinda crappy to be honest, Shining's out almost all the day and I only get to see him for a few hours, my back's been killing me from the way I've been sleeping, the kettle I spent eighty bits repairing blew up in my hand and scalded the thing and I have to go on some bullshit governors meeting to Saddle Arabia next month to negotiate cloth trading routes into the Crystal Empire"
Adrian looked at Cadance for a second before giving his usual kind of response.
"Sorry, can you repeat that again?" he asked "All I heard there was Rich White-Girl Problems"
"Adrian, I'm pink" Cadance said in a bemused tone.
"Really?" Adrian asked "You're always so covered up with dresses that I can barely see any of your fur"
"If that's the case..." Cadance said, leaning back on the stairs and resting her arms on them, a very sultry look appearing on her face "I wouldn't mind letting you come round my place sometime and letting you have a more... personal viewing experience"
"Maybe" Adrian said with a smirk "Though there might be a little problem with that"
"And that would be?" Cadance asked, crossing her legs in a sexual manner.
"You are married" Adrian reminded her.
"Eh..." Cadance said with a wave of her hand "Minute details"
"Minute detai-Woman you are supposed to love your husband and be at his side at all times, not throwing yourself at other men!" Adrian growled.
"I'll have you know that I don't throw myself at anypony my friend... it's more of a gentle pass if anything" Cadance smirked.
"Cadance!" Adrian snapped "Are you seriously trying to tell me that you've cheated on Shining?"
"No, no, don't worry about it sugar-tits, I haven't touched, kissed, fucked or been fucked by anypony besides my husband" Cadance said in a calming tone, holding her hand out to try and wave him down.
"Well, that's good to... wait a second, why did you specify a different between fucking and getting fucked?" Adrian asked in a confused manner.
"Well, mare's got her kinks y'know" Cadance winked.
"Yeah, okay, that's about enough of that" Adrian said, standing up only to have Cadance lean forward, placing her hand flat on his stomach.
"Don't knock it till you try it honey... but anyway... if I was able to... convince Shining to allow it-" Cadance said, standing up, gliding her hand up Adrian's body as she did so until her pink eyes were locked onto his green ones "-would you be interested in sleeping with me?"
"Christ Cadance, what the hell kinda question is that?" Adrian asked, completely flabbergasted by the pink pony's request.
"An honest one" she responded cutely.
"But... why?" Adrian asked "Why me? What the hell have I done to warrant your affection like that?"
"You're... I don't know, something about you just... interests me, you're something foreign and exotic, you're also in great shape and a great guy... that helps too"
"Never mind that, what makes you think that Shining would agree to it?" Adrian asked, placing his hands on Cadance's arms and holding them down by her sides.
"I can make him an offer, he let's me sleep with you and I let him sleep with another mare" Cadance shrugged "Give him a hallpass for a few days"
"I... why... who would he want to sleep with?" Adrian pushed "I thought he was in love with you?"
"Have you ever been in a serious relationship before?" Cadance asked in a confused manner "You don't just stop being attracted to people just ebcause there's a ring on your finger, hormones and arousal are still very powerful things, and as for who he'd sleep with, I've noticed him eyeing up Fleur-De-Lis in a hungry way, I'm sure if I let him off his leash to ravage her he'd be more than happy to let me do the same with you"
"Jesus... I don't know" Adrian said, an awkward feeling coming over him as he continued to stare into Cadance's beautiful eyes.
"Think about it... please" Cadance said "But... there's somepony else I'd have to ask, see if she'd let me borrow you for a few hours"
"She?" he asked "She who?"
"I think you know who I'm talking about, about six-five, white, huge tits, ass larger than an orbiting moon, able to fit more than seventeen inches into her-"
"Yeah okay, get the point!" Adrian exclaimed, cutting off the description before it got too graphic "Why does Celestia have ownership of me?"
"She doesn't, I just don't want to annoy her by stealing her coltfriend" Cadance shrugged.
"Boyfriend" Adrian corrected.
"What?" Cadance asked.
"Never mind" Adrian said "And we're not dating"
"Not yet at least" Cadance chuckled "There's still time"
"Look, whatever you're thinking is going between us is wrong, Celestia and I are just friends" Adrian said.
"Well... that might be subject to change" Cadance said, checking her nails "Let's just say that while Celestia may wanna see how deep you can go with your knowledge there's a whole other thing of yours she wants deep, and she wants it bad"
With that Cadance sucked in a deep breath and feel silent, Adrian knowing he wasn't going to get any more information out of her.
He petted Kaiba on the head, the little pup having gone to sleep during the conversation, and when she woke up he walked up the stairs and past Cadance.
When he was a good distance away Cadance stood up and looked at him, calling up as he moved.
"Oh, Adrian?" she called.
"Yes?" he asked back down to her.
"About the whole offer thing... I wasn't serious, just so you don't go getting any ideas" Cadance said to him, linking her hands behind her back.
"I figured you weren't, but mind if I ask why you even joked about it?" Adrian asked with his arms crossed.
"It's something I do with newer stallions I meet, Shining does the same thing with other mares, we test them to see if they're going to uphold laws and rules, just to know if they're the kind of ponies we wanna know" Cadance explained "I've never actually gone through with what I've said, most ponies agree with me the second I suggest it, then I make sure to avoid them"
"Good idea, I guess" Adrian shrugged "Just promise that you're not going to go through with it, like, ever?"
"Yeah, alright" Cadance nodded, leaning forward and grinning "I promise"
"Good to hear, now you might not catch up before I head off to see your aunt so I'll just say see you later now, alright?"
"Yeah, sure" Cadance nodded, smiling kindly as Adrian turned around and ran up the stairs, talking to Kaiba as the pup took as many stairs at once as she could.
Cadance giggled quietly to herself, the idea in her head awaiting a plan being formulated.
She uncrossed her fingers behind her back, having had them crossed in the universal sign for lying about a promise, and folded her arms.
"Never cheated before, never slept with another stallion and never wanted to" she mumbled to herself, bouncing back and forth between her feet "Still, there's a first time for everything"
Adrian had said goodbye to Shining at the water-giver-thing and had headed into the castle
He quickly made his way through the halls, his photographic memory having already analysed the layout of the castle the first time and etched it permanently into his mind.
He reached a large door with a sun symbol adorning it, curling his fist and knocking three times on the door.
The sun was up now, meaning that Celestia and Luna had had their trade-off, Luna probably going back to sleep for a few hours while Celestia would return to her room to set up for the rest of the day.
Usually, anyway.
"Huh" Adrian said "Cel, you in there?"
There was a sound of something being knocked over, Celestia's hiss of pain and frantic movement.
Several more seconds passed before the door opened revealing Celestia covering her right eye with her hand, still in pain.
"Whoa, the hell happened?" he asked.
"I was holding the book I was reading above me and, well, when you called me it surprised me and... well, I dropped the book on my face" Celestia sighed "Not my most crowning achievement to be honest"
"Poor baby, want me to kiss it better?" Adrian offered with a grin "Or do you want me to do the other one so they match?"
Celestia looked at him with a surprised expression before Adrian explained himself.
"I'm joking" Adrian said, holding up his hands "It's just something my dad would say to me whenever I ended up with a black eye"
"How often did you get black eyes?" Celestia asked.
"Being the youngest of three boys, I'd say quite a few" Adrian shrugged.
"How?" Celestia asked, genuinely curious as physical violence between siblings was not a common thing in Equestria.
"Well, have you ever tried to borrow something from your sister?" Adrian asked in response.
"Yes, hairbrushes, clips, scrunchies, dresses when we were younger... yes, quite a few things" Celestia nodded.
"How did you ask to borrow those things?" Adrian queried.
"I walked over to her and asked her if I could borrow it, it wasn't that much of a fuss" Celestia said with a raised eyebrow "Where are you going with this?"
"Well for me, the question was the same but the response was usually 'I'll fight you for it'" Adrian answered with a grin "Being the youngest, shortest and lightest of my brothers it usually ended up in me getting my arse kicked"
"That's horrible" Celestia said in shock "Why would they do something like that?"
"To make sure that their little brother knows how to defend himself and knows how to take a punch without crying like a queer" Adrian said with a light chuckle "It helped me learn how to handle myself against twats really"
"But... surely they could've done it in a nicer way" Celestia said "Like sparring or something"
"Nah, when you're in the ring everything's kept clean and nice, when you're scrapping on the side of the street people go mental, start flinging punches without looking and swinging like the maddest bastard in ten counties"
"Ten... counties?" Celestia asked.
"Sorry, in joke between a few of me marras and me" Adrian said, falling silent before looking at the floor with a devastated expression "Wow, I just broke a vow to God right there, swore I'd never say to the word 'marra' in an actual conversation... fuck, I think I'd been livin' up t' borough too long now"
"How... how many different weird accents and dialects does your country have Adrian?" Celestia asked in a bewildered manner.
"Too fucking many to be honest" Adrian shrugged "Just be happy I haven't broken out into scouse or Liverpuddlian just yet, that'll drive you mental mental chicken oriental"
Celestia stood there, completely silent for several long seconds before Adrian clapped his hands with a smirk "So, can we get on with this interview as I've got a busy schedule today of crying in the corner of my house because all of my friends and family are gone forever... and because my older brother owes me thirty quid I'm never gonna fucking see again"
"Sure, I've thought up a few new questions I'd like to ask you" Celestia said, standing aside and allowing Adrian to walk inside.
"Actually, do you mind if I use your shower first?" Adrian asked "Please?"
"Oh, of course, go right ahead" Celestia said "There should be a towel on the rack if you need one"
"Do you not use towels when you dry yourself off?" Adrian asked with a smirk.
"Well, I've got a thick mane, a thicker tail and body fur that catches water when I shower so I have to use several of them, you don't have any fur to hold water besides that shaggy matt on your head you call a mane, so I figured the water would just run off you like it does on glass" Celestia countered.
"Touché" Adrian shrugged, looking around the room "Say, you don't still have that stuff I dumped here do you? It's just that I don't really wanna put on my workout gear cause it's sweated all to fuck right now"
"Adrian, can you not swear around me please?" she asked with a disapproving look in her eyes.
"Right, sorry Cel" Adrian nodded.
"And yes, I've got your stuff over there in a bag, cleaned and pressed" Celestia said before broaching a personal point of ehrs "You know you wouldn't have to keep wearing the same thing every day if you'd just let some of my seamstresses make you some new outfits"
"Look, I'd love to Celestia" Adrian sighed, walking over to where Celestia had indicated and retrieving his clothing "But the brands I usually wear are Next and Topman, and even then usually only skater punk stuff, thick jackets and hoodies with thumbholes, that kinda shit, you guys don't know how to make that stuff and I can't show you how to because I don't know how to either"
"Alright then Adrian, fine, it's your life" Celestia said "But don't come crying to me when you've got nothing to wear because your old clothes all have holes in them"
"Christ, sorry Mum, have I let you down in any other possible aspect of my life besides dating exclusively foreign women?" Adrian asked with an agitated tone in his voice.
"I... what?" Celestia asked, another single line from Adrian completely derailing her train of thought.
"Sorry, it's just a running gag I had with my mum before I got here, she's always been mad at me that the first serious girl friend I had was a Latina, her name was Camila Alacantera, beautiful woman and I was proud to be with her, but mum didn't like her because she wasn't white and she wasn't English" Adrian explained.
"Why does that matter?" Celestia asked.
"Because I was raised in the most right-wing family you could get and they hated that fact that I had a thing for foreign girls, mostly Spanish girls" Adrian shrugged "But to be honest, skin colour, race, religion; doesn't bother me, I like black girls, I like white girls, if they've got a vagina and a Nando's loyalty card then they're fair game to me"
Celestia put her face to her hands and sighed in a very exasperated manner, dragging a hand away from her face and mumbling.
"Just... just go shower please" she begged "I think I need to sit down... and a whiskey"
Adrian laughed loudly as he turned and walked into the bathroom, the door closing and locking behind him.
Adrian subconsciously rubbed the apple he'd been given by Celestia against his red T-Shirt as Celestia sat with her glasses resting on her face and her quill in her left hand, her notepad on her knee with a stack of spare sheets of paper and sheets from previous days' interviews on the desk behind her.
"So, what d'you wanna know about today?" Adrian asked, taking a large bite of the apple.
"Well, seeing as how you've told me about most of the geographical locations in your country as well as the weather in those regions-" Celestia began.
"D'you remember what I told you about Welsh weather?" Adrian asked quickly.
"Yes, you said that the only weather they had was wet didn't you?" Celestia queried, jogging her memory to see if she did indeed remember.
"Yup, never stops pissing it down there" Adrian said with a reminiscent smile "The Bible says that it rained for forty days and forty nights, still the best summer Swansea's ever had"
"Yes" Celestia said, a small smile on her face "Now I think I'd like to move onto the culture of your country and, if you're educated in it, the culture of other countries"
"Sure thing Cel, d'you wanna start with England?" Adrian asked.
"Seems like you might know the most about it" she nodded.
"Right... where to start... England's culture?" he asked himself, drumming his hand on his knee "I would start with England's culture but it's so intermixed with other countries that it's getting difficult to separate them... can I ask you a quick question?"
"Go for it"
"If you were to go to the capital of your country, here in Canterlot, what would you expect to see?" Adrian asked "What kind of people?"
"Well... Equestrians I would think" Celestia said with a moment of thought "I trust this isn't the case in England?"
"You're damn right it isn't" Adrian nodded "The place is so full over immigrants from all over the world that you could play a game of 'Where's Wally' in Trafalgar square but change the objective from 'find Wally' to 'find a white guy'"
"Wow, is it that bad?" Celestia asked.
"It's not bad per say, it's just quite strange the the capital of our nation barely has any white English living there" Adrian shrugged, taking another bite of his apple "But anyway, onto culture... to start off I'd say we're a very bitter nation, full of people who want to have back what we used to but know we never can"
"And what did you used to have?"
"The world, the British Empire was one of the largest empires to ever exist on Earth and it's something that's sorely missed nowadays by the English public" Adrian said "Though it's quite weird how the Empire fell to be honest"
"How did it?"
"Well... most Empires, take the Romans for instance, they were rebelled against by smaller factions, they suffered horrible diseases and they got so big that it was too difficult to support themselves, so they just fell apart within a few hundred years, the British Empire fell apart because the rest of the world just, well, didn't want it any more"
"Wait... I'm confused, how do a group of countries ruled by a single king, or queen, just stop being part on an empire... with their country presumably being claimed through war?" Celestia asked, looking up at him from above her glasses.
"Well, that's actually quite funny, a lot of people think that the fall of the British Empire started after the war of independence, the war in which the American colonies fought against the British in order to push them out and claim America for themselves" Adrian explained "They 'won' the war on the fourth of July and celebrate it as their independence day"
"Why did you say the word won like that?" Celestia asked "Was that not really what happened?"
"It's kinda complicated... during the war England, though it's rarely mentioned nowadays as the Americans have kind of crushed the fact as it makes them look less heroic, was at war with the French for about the nine hundredth time, and the current ruler, which I think was King George, decided to pull forces away from the pesky revolutionaries and focus on the French, saying that the colonists weren't a big enough problem" he explained.
Celestia scribbled down the notes as Adrian took another, smaller bite from his apple, chewing and swallowing before finishing.
"He said that it wouldn't be too big a problem if the colonists managed to take America from them as we still had places like India and Afghanistan being our main money-makers at the time, the Indians with their herbs and spices with the Afghannies trading in Opium and Marijuana, and we were able to lose America because it didn't really have that big of a trade besides agriculture, something we had plenty of in other parts of the Empire" he continued.
"Right, so the British left America completely?"
"Well, no, George didn't want to willingly give away America so he left a few battalions in the country to see if they could win, but when an ex-English soldier by the name of George Washington rallied the revolutionaries they were able to beat the English leftovers and take over the country" Adrian described "And one thing I love is that the Americans adore George Washington and herald him as the first true American hero when they forget that George was an Englishmen, born in Colonial Virginia, an English colony, where he was born to English parents and given English schooling before enlisting in the English army"
"That... that sounds like quite a big thing to forget" Celestia commented.
"Not forget, ignore, history is written by the victors" Adrian clarified "And to the Americans, they beat the British and forced them out of America with an all-American military force"
"One other thing, you mentioned France?" she asked with a raised eyebrow "Who are they?"
"They're England's mortal enemy, we've gone to war with them over fifty times in the space of a thousand years, even having one war that lasted a hundred years before we had three years of peace and went right back to fighting them" Adrian chuckled "And do you know why we hate them?"
"Why?"
"Because they're better than we are, and we hate that" Adrian answered "France is known as the central location of high class, high fashion and high noses, because the French are some of the most stuck-up, snooty sons-o-bitches you'll never meet"
"Language" Celestia reminded.
"Sorry" he nodded "But yeah, the capital of France, Paris, is known as the City of Lights and is known as the most romantic city in the world, what do we have to compete with that? We have our neighbour Scotland, and they've been voted the worst small country in Europe, and that really disappointed them, cause they hoped the were the worst small country in the world"
"That doesn't sound like a very good attitude to have" Celestia noted.
"It's not, the Scottish aren't a happy or friendly bunch" Adrian shrugged "Did I also mention they're the most obese nation in Europe too?"
"No... wow, that really doesn't sound nice"
"I know... it's hard to imagine what they'd be like without all the heroin"
"I'm... I'm going to guess that you just made a very rude joke and just move on" Celestia sighed "So, you've mentioned America several times? They've got me very interested right now so I think we can hold off on English history for a few minutes, don't you?"
"Sure, I think I've got a few good stories to tell about our Yank friends across the pond" Adrian grinned "I think I'll start with the guy the Americans are amazingly proud of, George W. Bush"
"I'm guessing by the way you said that name you weren't serious were you?"
"Oh lord no" Adrian laughed "Honest to God, George Bush Jr was a man that was so unbelievably stupid that I'm surprised I didn't read a headline in the Sun about how he'd starved to death in a hotel closet after three days of trying to find the button for the ground floor"
Celestia put a hand to her face and tried to keep the laugh locked away in her lungs, trying her best to keep quiet while exhaling through her nose.
Adrian noticed her reaction and continued to speak, trying to get her to audibly laugh.
"And the funny thing is, there's been two Bush's as president of America, George Bush Sr, who was followed by Bill Clinton who was then succeeded by George Bush Jr, who was then succeeded by Barack Obama, who might be succeeded by Hilary Clinton and she's Bill Clinton's wife" Adrian said in an amazed tone "I swear to God, Cuba's having talks with Russia about invading America to install an actual democracy and stop this nepotism shit"
Celestia wheezed, almost painfully, as the laugh forced itself out, her head dropping onto her crossed knee as her shoulders shook along with her silent laugh.
Adrian sat with a proud smile on his face, having broken the once great Princess down into a teenage girl who laughed at jokes she didn't really understand, and he enjoyed that feeling greatly.
"And funnily enough, that's America's job to do that to everybody else" Adrian continued "They even suggested doing it to Libya a few years back on the grounds that they elect somebody who doesn't know how to run a country. I mean what if they elected someone who wasn't good at politics? What if they elect someone who isn't very intelligent? What if they elect someone who has no experience in politics but has a lot of business connections, like his father used to be the president?"
"Okay, alright Adrian, can we stop with the jokes and be a little bit more serious for a few moments, just for me?" Celestia asked.
Adrian nodded his head, crossing his arms and decided that he'd gone on with jokes long enough, becoming more serious and answering several more questions with a straight face before Celestia seemed to think of something else.
"Adrian?" she asked.
"Celestia?" he responded.
"May I ask you a question?"
"Go ahead" he nodded.
"Well... you see, there's a charity dinner event that's coming up this coming week, a seriously large event for myself and my family, and there have been many questions brought to my desk about you, where you come from, what age you are, if you want to return home" Celestia explained.
"If one of the questions is 'How big is my cock?' then I'll answer that one right now, about ten and a half inches" Adrian said quickly.
"Right, y-" she began before freezing in mid-sentence, her eyes widening slightly in surprise before looking up at Adrian "That's... that's a very personal thing to share publicly Adrian... are you not... ashamed of saying things like that?"
"What's to be ashamed of when you've got a big willy?" Adrian asked, resting his hands behind his head and smirking "And if it's a question of why I'm so vocal about that... well, British males are very... free group of people, from us having professional streakers who get paid to run naked through football stadiums and have the ten guys on the pitch just freak out when they're kicking the ball around"
"Kicking it?" Celestia asked in confusion "I thought football was played mostly with your hands?"
"No, no, you're thinking of the other kind of football, we have our own version of that called rugby" Adrian corrected.
"Rugby?" she questioned.
"Yeah, it's a lot like the Equestrian-slash-American football only it's played by men" Adrian said with a grin, seeming very proud of himself for that joke.
"From... from the way you look right now I'm guessing you've been waiting to use that one for a while now?" she asked.
"About a year now, I came up with it at about three in the morning with my older brothers when we were drunk, high and, for some reason that seemed good at the time, going into way too much detail while diescting the meaning of Big Sean and Nicki Minaj's verses in the song Ass" Adrian said "You know... I think we were so bored at that point that we actually transcended time that night"
"Analysing lyrics?" she asked "What d you mean by that?"
"I mean we'd take a certain line from one of the verses, the one that gave us so much trouble was the line in which he says 'Drop that ass, make it boomerang' and instead of consulting Urban Dictionary we got out or philosophical thinking caps and went to work"
"Do... do I want to ask about what you found out?" Celestia asked with a nervous scratch of the back of her head.
"No, just continue with the questions about this charity dinner" Adrian said with a shake of his head.
"Right, yes, okay" she said, digging through her piles of paper to find the memo she'd been given "So, next week there's going to be the dinner, big event, fancy suits and expensive things and everypony attending has asked about you and if you'll be showing up"
"Why do they want me to exactly?" he asked "The English are terrible at parties, even daytime ones in the country side"
"You... you can't be that bad can you? As a nation?" Celestia asked.
"I'd just like to inform you that England is the same country that voted Killing In The Name Of by Rage Against The Machine as their Christmas Number One single in two-thousand-and-nine" Adrian said "And the same country you can get into a fistfight with and commence a blood feud with a neighbour that will last for ten generations because you put the teabag in before pouring the water"
"Your country sounds insane Adrian" Celestia stated.
"We're a bunch of racist, drunk, unemployed, bitter, ignorant, pompous cunts" Adrian said with a wide grin "And I love it"
"So... are you going to consider coming to the party or not?" Celestia asked "I need to send a memo down to the kitchen staff on whether they do or do not need to prepare a meal for you that night"
"I'll consider it" Adrian said, leaning forward "On one condition"
"Which is?" Celestia asked with a raised eyebrow.
"I go as your date" he answered.
Celestia put a finger to her chin, scratching in thought.
This would be greatly beneficial for both her relationship with Adrian and for his relationship with the Equestrian public.
In terms of dating a person to secure a diplomatic friendship she was no stranger to having to drop her panties and make that a reality, she'd done it on several occasions in the past and it had worked every time with both her and her partner walking away friendlier than before.
And when it came to Adrian himself this was a chance she'd been hoping for. It could be her ticket to expressing the fact she was developing feelings for him and, if Luna's advice was correct, that maybe he was feeling something for her too.
"Okay, sure" she said with a nod "Are there any specific reasons as to why you want to go as my date?"
"So I can be within punching distance of Blueblood" Adrian shrugged.
"Wow" Celestia said with an extremely bemused expression "You truly are the knight in shining armour every mare dreams of sweeping her off her feet"
"You never want a knight in shining armour" Adrian said with a pointed finger "Because that's a man who's never truly had his mettle tested"
"A very nice quote, where'd you learn that from?" she asked.
"You'd be surprised as what you can find at three in the morning after a night out with the lads" Adrian shrugged "Is there anything else you want me to talk about with you or am I free to go?"
"Uhhh..." Celestia said, rifling through her notes to see if there were any extra topics she'd written down that she wanted to broach with him "Nope, that's it, you're free as a bird"
"Right then" Adrian said "I will see you at the party"
"You don't even know where it is yet" Celestia said with a small smile.
"Eh, details, I'll figure it out" Adrian said with a shrug ""I'll see you then"
"You're going to need something nice to wear" Celestia said "I'll make a note to have one of Canterlot's finest designers make something that suits your style"
"Right, fine, I love wearing suits" Adrian nodded, giving a wave before heading out of the door "Ta-ta!"
Writing the letter to the seamstress took a few moments before she sealed it in an envelope with a solar-insignia-wax-seal and placed it down on the desk.
"Okay then" Celestia said, looking down at what she was wearing "I'm going to need something much more formal than this... and I think I know just who to ask"
"Cadance, honey, what in the name of everything divine are these?!" Celestia demanded, holding up the panties her niece had selected for her.
Though she didn't want to use the term panties to describe them, as they were a thin black shoelace with a pocket square attached to cover up her nethers and that was basically it.
"What?" Cadance asked, leaning against the doorway to the walk in closet with her arms crossed "Are they too tight?"
"Too tight? Cadance they're practically not there!" Celestia barked "Why would you pick these out for me for a formal dinner?"
"I'll ask a counter question and that should give you your answer" she shrugged "How long did they take to get off?"
"About... two seconds... why?" Celestia asked with a confused expression.
"And do you think they're easy to take off lying down?" she continued "Or for somebody else to?"
Celestia realized immediately what her niece was hinting at before pointing a finger at her in an angered manner.
"Look, Adrian isn't my partner okay!" she snapped "We're going to the dinner as friends, nothing more!"
"And what are you planning to leave as?" Cadance asked, walking into the closet and sitting down on a chair set up next to the mirror.
"Friends" she growled in response.
"Oh come on Aunt Celestia, you need to have some fun every once in a while" Cadance said, standing up and walking over to her Aunt "When was the last time you slept with a stallion? Or even went on a date with one?"
"That doesn't matter Cadance" Celestia reaffirmed, giving her niece a very angry glare "I'm not going to need easily-removable underwear because he's not going to be taking them off"
"Alright... but say if he was, I think he'd have a little trouble getting your legs open" Cadance said with a sly gesture.
"And why is that?" Celestia asked with her eyes narrowed.
"From what I learned in school... spider-webs are stronger when they're clumped together" Cadance giggled before receiving a sharp slap on the thigh from Celestia.
"Ow!" she hissed "You haven't done that for years"
"Because you haven't needed one for years young lady" Celestia said, pointing a finger at Cadance "Now you make yourself scarce or I'll be sure to mark the other one"
"Stop it, slapping makes me horny" Cadance said, bracing herself for the second slap and, upon impact, letting out a sexual groan.
"Alright, I'm about done with you" Celestia sighed, grabbing her niece by the back of the collar and dragging her out of the closet.
"Wait, don't you wanna see the stockings I picked out?" Cadance asked in protest.
"You... you picked stockings?" Celestia asked in response "I didn't even know stockings came in my size?"
"Don't worry, I found somepony in Canterlot that specializes in making stockings for mares your sizes" Cadance said, moving over to Celestia bed and taking the rest of the outfit out of the box and holding it up, it consisting of the aforementioned stockings, a waspie to attach to those stockings, an enormous bra that appeared to be reinforced, evening gloves and a choker.
Celestia stared in horror at the outfit Cadance had picked, wondering what had gone through the pink alicorn's mind as she decided to purchase these specific pieces of clothing.
"Well... I say stockings for mares... he mostly makes stockings for elephants and I asked him to do a few sizes bigger to fit you" Cadance said with another giggle.
"You do know that joke doesn't make sense right?" Celestia asked with a cocked eyebrow "Who makes stockings for elephants?"
"Shut up I thought of a joke which I'm proud of and you can't take that away from me you mean bitch" Cadance blurted out, not blinking once during that entire sentence or changing out of the monotone voice she delivered the line with.
Celestia blinked blankly for a moment before shaking her head.
"Nevermind, can you just take the underwear back and say I'd like something a little less..." she said, trying to find the right word.
"Exciting? Erotic?" Cadance offered, shaking the items in front of her Aunt's face "Fun? Do you want old granny pants and black out curtains to cover you up completely? I'm telling you if I had a body like yours I'd walk around stark fucking naked Aunt Celestia"
"Cadance... you do have a body type like mine" Celestia said in an unsure manner "What are you complaining about?"
"I'm complaining about the fact that I don't have an ass like an enormous peach and that I don't have tits that are each bigger than my head!" Cadance growled "I always wanted to look like you when I was little and I was heartbroken when I started to look more like Aunt Luna!"
"Hey, your Aunt Luna's a very attractive mare, there are mares in Canterlot that would die to look like her" Celestia said disapprovingly.
"Yeah, I know, she looks like the perfect model for skinny, huge-breasted women who only have asses through exercise" Cadance nodded "But you're perfect Celestia, I wanted to have everything you do because you're a MILF"
"I'm... I'm a what?" Celestia asked, having never come across the term before.
"A MILF Celestia, it means Mother I Love to Fuck" Cadance said with her hands on her hips "Every mare in Canterlot would kill to look like you because you are the perfect image of a mother, from the birthing hips to the huge tits for breast feeding to the calm attitude and the incredible patience, whether the stallions you fuck pretend to be your son or not-"
"Wait, what-" Celestia interrupted only to be ignored as Cadance continued to rant.
"And whether Adrian wants to suck your tits to feed or to get you horny-"
"Cadance, just wait a minute-"
"I still think it's unfair for you to lead him on like you are without letting him nail you at least once" Cadance said "And I swear on my crown if you don't give that poor boy some well-deserved satisfaction next week, then so help me I'll do it myself and force you to watch!"
The two of them were silent for a long moment, Celestia staring in confusion at her niece while Cadance's chest heaved from the exertion of her rant, seconds ticking by before Celestia spoke.
"Two things, did you get it out of your system?" she asked.
"Yeah, I think I'm good now" Cadance nodded after taking a deep breath and smiling.
"And two, what do you mean by 'well-deserved satisfaction'?" Celestia queried, putting her own hands on her wide hips.
"I mean that after all he's done for you, you could at least pay him back with a little bit of lip-service, at least" Cadance said with a wave of her hand.
"And what exactly has he done for me?" Celestia asked "If anything, he should be thanking me"
"Then just ask him to go down on you" Cadance said with fingers splayed in frustration "I'm sure he wouldn't object to it"
"That's not what I meant!" Celestia snapped "Can you stop making everything about sex please?"
"No, it's what I was born to do!" Cadance snapped "I have a checklist when I walk into a room and one of the checks is to give at least one stallion an erection"
"I... Cadance, where the hell did I go wrong with you!?" Celestia asked.
"I think it was the lack of a father figure in my life" Cadance said in a nonchalant manner "I think my need to be approved by every stallion I meet stems from the fact I never had a daddy to be proud of me"
It was at this point an awkward silence fell over the room, seconds ticking by as Celestia wondered how this conversation had gotten so far off the rails.
"Why didn't you say anything when you were younger?" Celestia asked in a horrified tone "If I'd known you were so desperate to have a father in your life I would've looked for somepony to help raise you"
"I kept telling myself that it didn't matter" Cadance shrugged before clicking her fingers "But back onto the topic of Adrian rutting you till you can't stand any more-"
"That's not going to happen-"
"But I think that it should" Cadance said.
"Why?" Celestia asked, beginning to become annoyed "Why should I have sex with him?"
"You say that you're the one that should be thanked, because you helped an alien integrate peacefully into a world he didn't belong in, and that makes you the higher party here" Cadance said with her arms crossed "This alien that could've refused to be peaceful, this alien that could've refused your help, this alien that could've refused to offer any knowledge about his world and his experiences to you to satisfy your need for knowledge"
"So you're telling me I should sleep with him because he cooperated with me?" Celestia asked.
"Partly yes, and also because you care for him, more than you care for most ponies" Cadance answered, dropping her hands down to her sides and waling over to her Aunt "And he cares for you too, you were the first person here that tried to help him, he was so grateful that you didn't have him locked up and experimented on when he first arrived here, lost and confused"
"I... I know he was grateful, but-"
"He makes you smile, makes you laugh aloud and always helps you unwind after a long day just by being around him, his different attitude makes you feel happy after dealing with stuck-up congressponies all day, doesn't it?" Cadance asked.
"Yes, but-"
"But what?" Cadance asked with a smile, placing a hand on her Aunt's shoulder "If you enjoy being around him, find him both funny and attractive and want to spend more time with him yourself, then why shouldn't you sleep with him?"
"Because... because we're not dating, it might come off too strong and scare him away" Celestia said.
"Really?" Cadance asked with a chuckle "Is it possible to come off too strong to a horny nineteen year old boy? He's love you to just outright say you wanted sex, he'd sit, lie down and play dead whenever you wanted him to if you just took your shirt off Aunt Celestia"
"But... but what if I do sleep with him and then he wants nothing to do with me any more?" Celestia asked "I've heard that's a common thing nowadays"
"Where would he go to avoid you Celestia?" Cadance asked "You know where he lives and he has to come and see you every morning by your own decree or else he gets thrown in prison... and I'm sure it won't come to that"
Celestia thought for a long second, crossing her arms and gently holding her elbows as she closed her eyes, weighing up the choice in her mind.
She cared for him, both professionally and personally, and Cadance spoke no word of a lie when she said she enjoyed his company, he was a breath of fresh air and spoke his mind, giving her a joyous experience as his free-and-loose attitude helped her unwind after a hard day, something Cadance had also said.
"Right..." Celestia nodded decisively "You're right Cadance, I've got nothing to lose and everything to gain here"
"Awesome" Cadance nodded with a grin "Now, let's see if you can move your elephant thighs in the stockings without splitting them"
"You know I could probably crush your head between my thighs if I wanted to?" Celestia asked with a downward gaze.
"That's both terrifying and very sexy" Cadance chuckled.
"That's how most people describe Luna actually" Celestia said, taking the outfit from her niece and heading back into the closet.
"I can imagine" Cadance nodded.
"So... what do you think?" the seamstress asked, moving away from Adrian so that he could admire himself in the mirror.
Though, admire probably wasn't the right word to use as the outfit he wore wasn't his style.
"I think I look like a Top. Class. Tit" Adrian said, turning around and staring at the black frock coat, grey suit pants and button up vest he'd been shoved into "I mean, I love the classics and the vintage as much as possible but where I come from classic and vintage usually mean Al Capone suits from the nineteen-forties, not I'm gonna go whip my slaves an appropriate amount of time depending on hos black they are', this thing looks like it was made in eight-teen-twenty-nine"
"What?" she asked with a confused look "No, it's the most in-style outfit you could possibly get for a gentlecolt such as yourself"
Adria turned around with a finger extended at the lady, cocking his eyebrow as he spoke.
"Right, I am uncomfortable with the amount of queer that was in the word you just used to describe me" he said "The term is gentleman, plural being gentlemen"
"Gentlemen?" she asked, rolling the word around her tongue before rejecting it "Nah, sounds stupid"
"Fucking ponies man, ruining my precious English language" Adrian sighed, dragging a hand through his hair "Right, you're sure you haven't got anything else?"
"Only colour and coat changes" she answered "I'm telling you that the suit looks great on you, a stallion your height and build fills out that kind of clothing nicely"
"Look, I'm not a-" Adrian began before wiping away with the sentence with a wave of his hand "Right, fine, I'm yelling at someone for not stocking a style that doesn't exist yet, so, I'll take the suit then and I thank you for your time"
"You sure changed your tune quick" she said with her arms crossed.
"I know, kinda realized that I'm being the arsehole in this scenario and there's nothing you can do about it with this time period's clothing" Adrian said with a chuckle "D'you need me to pay for the suit?"
"That's all taken care of, the Princess has already paid for anything you need" the seamstress answered "May I ask a question... a personal one?"
"Sure, go ahead" Adrian nodded.
"What relationship do you have with the Princess?" she asked.
"Ah yes, that's personal indeed" he said, clicking his fingers before pointing his index fingers at her "I believe we're friends, I hope so at least"
"Is there, I hope you don't mind me asking, anything between you two?" she asked, crossing her ankles over as she stood in an awkward manner.
"Besides awkward sexual tension?" Adrian asked with a smirk "Not really, hoping to change that though"
"Really?" she asked "You're attracted to her?"
"Attracted is kind of a... weak word for it" Adrian answered "I think a more appropriate way to phrase it would be 'If given the chance I would bury myself so deep in her the person to pull me out would be crowned the new King of England'"
"That's... that's extremely blunt" she said with a shocked expression.
"That's because dropping hints and leaving clues doesn't get you anywhere and only leads to frustration" Adrian said with a shrug "I'm tying to ask a girl out on a date, not solve a fucking murder mystery, if I wanted clues to the puzzle I'd've rocked up in my Sherlock Holmes gear"
"You're... you're quite strange, if you don't mind me saying" she said with a sideways glance.
Adrian shrugged, turning around to look at himself in the mirror again before speaking.
"I'm kind of mad actually, and my dad always told me that 'There is no genius without a hint of madness'" Adrian said before sucking in a breath through his teeth and cocking his head to the side "Well, what he actually said was 'How many times do I have to tell you to turn your fucking computer off before you go to school on a morning' but I knew what he meant"
"Right... okay then... what's a computer?" she asked.
"It doesn't matter because you'll be dead before they're even a thing" Adrian said before giving her a cheesy smile and two thumb up.
"You're really weird" she said.
"I know" he nodded "It's fucking awesome"
Cadance took a deep breath, the banquet hall having been aired, cleaned a freshened every day for the past week in order to get the perfect aroma for the party to be held in.
"Ahhh" she exhaled happily, joining her gloved hands across her stomach and smiling "I love the smell of cherries... I mean who doesn't like the smell of cherries?"
"I hate the smell of cherries" Blueblood growled with his arms crossed.
Cadance whirled around on her cousin, a furious look on her face and her eyes practically glowing with rage.
"Shut the fuck up Blueblood!" she yelled in an enraged manner "This is the last damned dinner party you ruin!"
"Alright, alright" Luna said, moving the two away from each other before this situation escalated "Cadance, don't shout like that and Blueblood... just try to behave this time"
"Wow, it's kind of horrible that as a grown man your family treats you like a child isn't it?" Adrian asked, leaning against the wall with a smirk on his face "Is little Blubie gonna be a good little boy today?"
"Why did we invite the common rabble here?" Blueblood asked, strorming over to Adrian, standing an inch taller than the human but this gave no intimidation to Adrian "I'd rather not waste food, money or time on this little shit"
"How are you one to talk about waste?" Adrian asked, standing inches away from Blueblood with a grin "Especially when you're the one who was a waste of a perfectly good cumshot"
Blueblood gritted his teeth, balling a fist and stepping closer to Adrian with an enraged look on his face.
"Go ahead rich boy, try it" Adrian said, his smile dropping off his face "But I'm warning you right now, if you're big enough to start something then you better be big enough to finish it"
"Can you two just try to get along with each other for five minutes?" Celestia asked with a tired expression "We haven't even started eating yet and you two are nearly at blows"
"Well how about you tell your precious little nephew to step off before he gets a on-site course in rectal-chair-leg removal?" Adrian spat angrily.
Celestia walked over to the two of them, parting them and moving Blueblood away, the white stallion snarling once more before heading further down the enormous table to get away from the others.
Celestia watched him for a long second before turning her magenta eyes onto Adrian, the teen staring angrily at the floor with his arms folded.
"Adrian" she said calmly "You promised you wouldn't start a confrontation with him"
"I know but..." Adrian said, balling his fists and grinding his teeth "Y'know, I didn't understand why people beat their kids until I met him"
"Adrian, come on" she said, placing a hand on his shoulder and giving him a gentle smile "There's no reason to start something with him tonight, it would just ruin the party before it even starts"
"I know... I know" he sighed, looking up at the much taller Princess with a still agitated expression.
Celestia slid her hand down his body, pressing her hand lightly on his chest, leaning slightly closer to him.
"Your suit looks nice" she said with a smile.
"Thanks... you look beautiful yourself" Adrian said "I'm loving the wedding-bell look you've gone for"
Celestia nodded with a smile, looking at her large, long-sleeved ballgown once again wearing her golden necklace and stylized crown, white evening gloves and high heels.
"Thank you, I must say I feel much more comfortable in these kinds of dresses" she said, spinning to show off the outfit.
"You look it, you seemed a little uncomfortable in the one you were wearing earlier today" Adrian commented "What's the material?"
"You can feel it if you want" Celestia said, holding her arm out for Adrian to examine only for him to place his hands on her waist and begin to gently massage her body.
"A-Adrian!" she exclaimed in surprise as he began to press his thumbs gently into the corset-esque body of the dress, his thumbs drawing circles on her stomach.
The solar alicorn was no stranger to erotic massages, having given and received plenty from various partners but she was not used to them being given in public.
She placed her hands on his shoulders and locked eyes with him, Cadance noticing the exchange between the two of them.
The pink alicorn nudged her Aunt Luna in the ribs, the lunar alicorn turned around to see what she wanted, both of them smiling contentedly as they saw their family member.
The two of them looked at each other with happy expressions before their expressions grew serious.
"Dibs!" the said in unison "Bullshit, he's mine!"
The two glared angrily at each other before one of the servants called from the entrance to the banquet hall, announcing that several guests had arrived and that the party could begin whenever they wanted it to.
The three alicorns watched with enthusiasm as Adrian spoke, a large crowd of ponies gathered around the strange oddity that spoke of strange yet relateable circumstances that they found quite entertaining.
"I think different restaurants and food joints play a part in how you act" Adrian said, a glass of red wine in his hand as she spoke "You act differently depending on where you are and who your surrounded by, this is really obvious when you're eating in a restaurant that serves foreign food"
He took a sip of his wine before continuing to speak.
"Especially when you see a person of that nationality eating in that restaurant too... and this happens a lot in Chinese restaurants, you see a Chinese lady eating the noodles in the restaurant and you turn to your mate nodding and grinning because you know you're eating at a good place" he continued "But you don't do this with any other restaurant type, especially if it's from your country, I've never walked into a chip shop and gone 'Oh look! Fat cunts! We'll do well in here mate!'!"
There was a general laugh from the crowd gathered around him before he finished his glass of wine, looking down at the floor before going off on a tangent.
"Speaking of food, has anyone here ever used food in the bedroom?" he asked, looking back and forth between the crowd gathered.
There were a few mumbles and half-hearted nods from those gathered but no one outright spoke of it, so he decided he's put himself up for the roast.
"I did once, I was about seventeen and I decided to surprise my girlfriend" he began, smirking to himself at the memory "And when I say surprise, I really mean horrify, because I didn't tell her I was going to do it, I just sat in her bedroom naked holding a pot of Rolo yoghurt"
This garnered a few chuckles, one from Adrian himself as he leaned back in his chair, resting his right ankle on his left leg and smiling.
"So, she was shocked but decided to get along with it after coming home to find her boyfriend waiting for her in the corner like some kind of hideous yoghurt goblin, and here's where you should use this as a cautionary tale" Adrian said, holding out a hand in a warning gesture "The worst thing to do is what I did... you think 'Did he use a little bit and then lick it off to get her aroused'... nope, I pretty much basted the poor girl in the thing and by the end of it she looked a little like Morph"
He was handed a bottle of wine as he refilled his glass, taking another sip before going back to the story.
"So, with her completely covered in yoghurt I decided to go to work... and it took me an hour to do one fucking leg" he said with a chuckle, cringing at the memory "My tongue was swollen after another half an hour and she'd just gotten bored and went for a shower to wash it off and wouldn't have sex for another two weeks after that, so, there's your cautionary tale for the evening ladies and gentlemen"
"Do you have any other stories?" someone called out from the crowd.
"Well..." Adrian said, drumming his hands on his thigh before clicking his fingers "There was one time when my brothers and I-"
The night dragged on without a hitch, Adrian keeping the other guests entertained with his stories, his articulate vocabulary making him able to give some very detailed descriptions and his vocal stylings mixed with facial expressions made the jokes even funnier for those watching.
Eventually Adrian excused himself, going back to the banquet table where there was more food to be eaten, helping himself to a large helping of diced cucumber.
Everyone in the room was very drunk at this point, even the princesses, and one such princess wandered over to Adrian, placing a white hand on his shoulder and turning him around.
The usually stoic princess had a drunken glaze in her eyes, swaying slightly as she stood still with a goofy smile on her face.
"Hey there gorgeous" Adrian said with a nod "How can I help you this fine evening?"
"You're quite good at telling stories Adrian" she praised "I haven't seen somepony your age with such a talent for public speaking"
"Thank you Princess" he nodded kindly "I think I've always been good at talking to people, it's one of my best traits if I can humble brag for a moment"
"I'm proud of you, you know that?" she asked, placing her hands on his shoulders to steady herself.
"Oh, here we go with the drunk talk" Adrian chuckled.
"No, I'm serious" she said "I'm quite proud that somepony your age has such a natural talent for speaking, I was like that when I was a youth and with a lot of practice I became very good at it, if you couldn't tell already"
"And now we can both humble brag" Adrian said, looking at the Princess's hazy eyes wandering his face before blinking slowly.
"D'you want me to take you out to the balcony?" he offered "You look like you could use some fresh air"
"Yeah... I'd like that" she nodded, offering her arm for Adrian to escort her up the stairs to the private balcony.
Adrian opened the door and steered Celestia out onto the old stone platform, her soft hands resting on the balcony as she leaned over it, her wings flapping slightly as her natural flight instinct took in as she saw the open air below her.
Adrian walked over to her side, leaning against the balcony before looking up at the taller creature.
"Adrian... can I ask you something?"
"Sure, go ahead" Adrian nodded.
"Are you... are you worried about later life?" she asked him in an honest tone, the fresh air starting to clean the wine out of her mind.
"What d'you mean?" he asked.
"I mean, as a human living here, in a world full of strange creatures, do you not worry about not being able to start a family of your own?" she asked.
"No, not really" he shrugged "I mean, I haven't put much thought into fathering kids at nineteen and I haven't really thought about marrying a woman yet, much less an anthropomorphic horse lady... so no, I don't really"
"Right... just know that if you ever feel lonely, you can come and talk to me" she said, turning around to face him "No matter what it is you wanna talk about, whether it be money, house prices, food or sex, you can always talk to me about it"
"I think talking about sex would be pretty boring if you ask me" Adrian said, turning around to look over the balcony.
"Well, what would you prefer to do?" she asked him with a cocked eyebrow.
"I mean, talking about sex isn't as fun as having sex" Adrian answered honestly.
"Is that sex in general or sex with me specifically?" she asked in a playful tone.
"Both, really" he nodded.
"You'd like to have sex with me?"
"I'd like to have sex with most girls I meet, but you're especially high on the list?"
"Really? And why is that?" she asked.
"Well..." Adrian said, placing a hand on her hip and, once he received no protest from the ancient alicorn he moved his other hand onto her body "Because you're pretty much perfect Celly"
"You're too kind Adrian" she said, placing her hands on his shoulders, the two beginning to circle on the balcony together.
"I'm serious Celestia" he smiled "When I first hit puberty, you're the type of woman I dreamed of dating, dreamed of marrying"
"Well, I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint you on that one Adrian" Celestia sighed "I can't marry a mortal"
"I know... but if I never aged and died... would you consider me?" Adrian asked with a bright expression.
"I don't know Adrian" she said, her eyes turning downwards tot he space in between them "I've known you for such a short time..."
"But?"
"But... from what I know about you, you seem like a great candidate for a husband, even though you can't be" she answered solemnly.
"Do I sense a hint of regret in your voice?" Adrian ask "I hope that's not over me"
"In a way, yes, it is" Celestia sighed "And it's also from the years of pain from lost lovers, those who age, wither and die, leaving me behind every time"
"I... I can't imagine how that must feel" Adrian said, moving slightly closer to Celestia.
"Terrible" she sighed "I've been numb for years at a time in my life when I've lost somepony close to me... and with myself developing feelings for you Adrian... I'm afraid it might happen again"
"You have feelings for me?" Adrian asked with a gentle smile.
"I... well, yes" she nodded "I suppose there's no point in denying it now, I feel like I've developed an attraction to you Adrian... and from what Luna has told me, I trust you feel the same?"
"Uhhh... what exactly has Luna told you?" Adrian asked with an awkward expression.
"Sexual dreams mostly, though she has informed me that there's more of a romantic element to yours than most ponies" Celestia chuckled.
"And you're not upset by that?" Adrian asked.
"Usually, yes, but for a teenage boy such as yourself... I can understand it" Celestia chuckled "I find it quite flattering from you, honestly"
"And you're not disgusted by it?" Adrian asked.
"No, sex is a natural part of life and is nothing to be ashamed of... and you're not the only one of us who has dreamed erotically of the other" Celestia admitted with a slight blush on her cheeks.
"Well... that makes this a lot less awkward for us then, doesn't it?" Adrian asked before looking up at Celestia "But if we're being honest with each other and pouring our hearts out... if I asked you to bed, would you be angry or disgusted with me?"
"No, not at all little one" she said, moving her face closer to his, her bright eyes locking onto his own "I'd be honoured"
"Then... would you be opposed to taking this back to your chambers and away from prying eyes?" Adrian requested.
"Of course not" she said, leaning closer and kissing him briefly, giving the human a brief taste of what sexual experience an ancient ruler had "I've been waiting for you to ask that for a long time now"
Celestia closed and bolted the door behind her, pressing her back against it and narrowing her eyes at her guest... no, her lover.
She slowly moved towards him, swaying her large hips as she walked before placing a hand on his chest, leaning down and kissing him, the two of them closing their eyes and beginning to explore the other's mouth with their tongue, Celestia's much larger muscle of course being stronger than Adrian's, but the usually dominant-ruler allowed her consort to win this time.
She wrapped her arms around his neck as he pressed his body against hers, her enormous breasts squeezing tight against her lover as she guided him towards the bed, more than eager to stop the childish kissing and get onto some real action.
She sat him down on the bed, straddling his waist and beginning to grin her hips against his crotch, the solar princess beginning to feel the human's impressive member swelling to an even larger size due to her actions, pulling her mouth away from his and beginning to suck his neck as she removed the frock coat he wore, throwing it across the room and beginning to take of the vest he'd been given.
Adrian moved his hands along her body, neglecting her hips this time and beginning to squeeze her voluptuous rear, his hands drawing and tracing each curve of her body as she ground her divine figure against his smaller frame.
Soon Adrian found himself without a shirt, Celestia's hungry eyes devouring his muscular frame, the usual calm and loving look in her eyes replaced with the ravenous stare of an excited cougar, pressing her mouth against the front of his neck and sucking loudly, her hands exploring his body and toying with his six-pack, the low-fat percentage and well-trained abdomen being hard enough to grate cheese on.
"Celestia..." he said quietly.
The horny princess took her mouth away from his throat with a wet clicking sound, looking at him with a raised eyebrow but giving no verbal questioning.
"Can you take your dress off for me?" he asked, running his hands over her stomach and squeezing her breasts, the enormous mounds of flesh being imprisoned behind her clothing.
"I'd much rather you do it my dear" she said, standing up and turning around, bearing the zipper to him while shaking her rear enticingly.
Adrian smiled, reaching up and unzipping her dress, sliding the thick, expensive material off her body and exposing her beautiful hourglass figure, her large wings spreading wide and fluttering instinctively, now free of the restrictions they'd been under in the dress's harness.
Adrian placed his hands on Celestia's body, admiring the beautiful lingerie she'd chosen, moving his hands from her toned stomach to her wide, birthing hips and down to her thick thighs, his hands massaging her flesh as Celestia dragged a finger over his cheek from behind her body.
Adrian leaned forward and planted a kiss in between her wings, the tall alicorn allowing a load moan to escape from her mouth as the contact brought her more arousal.
"You like?" he asked.
"Yes, the nerves in our wings are extremely sensitive, they need to be in order to sense changes in air currents while flying and to help us maintain stability" Celestia answered "And because of that they're often used in foreplay for pegasi"
"Really?" he asked, dragging his thumb up the middle of her wings, a shiver running down her spine as he began to drag his hands along the large wings themselves, massaging the joints in the wing by rolling his thumb on the sensitive muscle, Celestia's entire body beginning to shake.
"Ahhh~" she cooed, cocking her head back as Adrian placed his tongue on her spine, dragging it up and down repeatedly as the hot spit served to turn her on even more "Adrian... that feels great"
Adrian the placed his hands on her hips, turning her around and moving her wings out of his reach, much to her disappointment, only to have her enjoyment levels rise as the young man knelt down and began to kiss her navel, dragging his tongue in and around her belly button whilst massaging her strong stomach.
Celestia moaned loudly, placing a hand to her mouth as Adrian ran his hands along the inside of her thighs every so often, squeezing and applying pressure to the area she wanted him to touch the most.
As she placed her hand on his head ad tried to guide him to her rapidly-wetting sex he soon got the idea, but began to torture her for his own satisfaction.
He took her hands and lay her down on the bed, still massaging her stomach lovingly as he applied his tongue to her hot crotch, only he did not remove her underwear, allowing her to feel all of the pressure and heat his tongue gave off on her hidden lips but none of the satisfation of contact, this both arousing and infuriating her.
"Adrian..." she begged "Don't tease me like that"
"Sorry Celestia" Adrian said "But I don't see you taking charge"
"This soon proved to be the wrong statement as a competitive grin formed on Celestia's face, the larger woman sitting up and wrapping her thighs around Adrian's neck and holding him steady as she unclasped her bra, taking the item off and throwing it across the room landing somewhere near Adrian's shirt, and allowing her titanic tits to be free for the first time that night.
"Damn" Adrian whistled, trying desperately to move away only to have Celestia not relinquish her hold on him.
"You want them?" she asked, massaging her jugs.
"Of course" he nodded.
"How badly do you want them?"
"More than anything"
"I don't believe you"
"I'll prove it to you if you want?"
"How so?"
"How do you want me to?"
"Good question..." Celestia said, releasing her grip on him before, getting up off the bed and walking around behind him, wrapping an arm around his waist and lifting him up onto his feet, her talented hand unzipping his fly and tearing his pants down to his ankle, wrapping her hand around his thick, rather intimidating shaft, quite surprised at the fact the skin on it peeled back.
"Oh? she asked in a curious manner "That's new... stallions don't have that"
"Different evolutionary trait" he shrugged, Celestia looking over his shoulder and beginning to experiment with his foreskin, seeing how far the thick skin would stretch and roll back before encountering resistance.
"A curious feature indeed" she nodded, rubbing her thumb on the large head on top of his shaft "That's definitely better designed for penetration... much smoother too"
"Thank you" she grinned, the princess beginning to kiss his neck again.
"Anyway, if you want a go on my tits then you've got to pass a little challenge for me" she began "If you can last longer than a minute without cumming, I'll let you play with them as much as you want, sound fair?"
"A minute?" he asked in disbelief "That's child's play"
"We'll see" Celestia said, taking her hand off his shaft for a few seconds as she slathered her fingers with spit to moisten them, closing her hand around his large cock again and beginning to stroke softly, her other hand gently massaging his balls as she allowed the shorter man to lean into her powerful body, his head resting in her cleavage as soft groans came from him.
Celestia was certain, like most stallions, Adrian would be done within thirty seconds, her best lover having lasted just over a minute, something that was nearly impossible for most stallions to do during sex.
Though as she approached the thirty second mark she noticed that neither Adrian's body nor cock were twitching or moving in any way, the shorter man seemingly nowhere close to orgasm, this fact seeming both worrying and yet promising at the same time.
Maybe his race were different when it came to sex, maybe they'd evolved differently to be naturally better lvoers than stallions were, after all, at this point most stallions would be spilling thick globs of pre all over her hand and onto her carpets whereas the only moisture on Adrian's cock was from her saliva.
Adrian moved his hand downwards, under her body and began to massage her pussy through the wet fabric of her underwear, Celestia groaning loudly in his ear at the new form of stimulation.
"Hey, I didn't say you could touch there" she whispered into his ear.
"I don't see you trying to stop me my dear Celestia" he chuckled, using his strong middle fingers to spread her clitoris through the fabric just using the pressure.
Another hot and horny moan was released into Adrian's ear, the two of them now approaching the two minute mark and Celestia's amazement beginning to grow as still no sign of ejaculation or even pre was present on Adrian, his confident expression beginning to irritate her slightly as she felt her skill as a lover was being threatened.
She removed her hand from his testicles and began to stroke his cock with both hands and at a faster pace.
"We'll see if you can keep this up" Celestia said into his ear before latching her mouth to his neck again, sucking his soft flesh as they continued to please one another.
The minutes still dragged by, slowly but surely reaching the three minute, the five minute, the ten and then the fifteen minute mark before Adrian showed any sign of being close to cumming.
Celestia was now, without realizing it, grinding her teeth in his ear as she felt the strain in her arms, her hands only recently being dabbed with the pre cum from the tip of Adrian's large shaft.
"What... the hell are you made of?" she asked, moving her hands in an upward motion instead of a downward one to try and use another muscle and give the others a rest.
"Practice Celestia" he said with a chuckle "Also, there's a little trick guys can use to last longer in bed, if you don't tense the muscle in your cock the pleasure doesn't register as much, since it's not tensed it makes it harder to thrust without hurting yourself but it still makes sex last longer"
"You're... cheating?" she asked in an angered voice.
"Not cheating, altering the conditions" he shrugged "But I think this means that I win now, right?"
Celestia slowed her pumping speed, wiping her hands on her bastard lover's toned stomach before moving away from him, crossing her arms in an angry manner.
"Fine" she growled "You win"
"That's good to hear" he said, moving over to her and taking hold of her arms, lifting them and placing them behind her head as he began to toy with her soft nipples, rolling his thumb knuckle over one of them while tugging and squeezing the other one in a gentle manner.
"Ah..." Celestia grunted, her nipples beginning to harden from the attention, goosebumps running down her back and along her arms.
With both of his hands full Adrian pressed his body against hers and began to dry hump the area between her legs, his cock being more than long enough to grind against her pussy, the arousal level in Celestia's body going through the roof as she bit her bottom lip hard enough to draw blood, a red-hot blush on her cheeks that showed no signs of going away any time soon.
"Adrian..." Celestia said, placing her hand on the back of his head "Can you suck them for me?"
"But of course" he winked, clamping his mouth down onto her solid nipple and beginning to gently suck, Celestia's eyes rolling back into her head, the aforementioned head lolling backwards as she moaned loudly, pushing Adrian's head forcefully against her breast as he played with her other nipple, pinching it between his fingers and rolling his thumb over the top of it, flicking the nipple every so often, resulting in Celestia flinching in aroused surprise.
Celestia's wings twitched violently as she massaged her back of Adrian's head, her angelic voice whispering indecipherable words of passion into his ear that he was sure weren't even in English.
She continued to moan horny sweet-nothings into his ear before she locked up, her nails digging into the back of his head as her lower body locked up and began to tremble, Adrian feeling her panties soak more than before and as she remained still and unmoving he realized why.
"C-Celstia?" he asked after she finally allowed him to remove his mouth from her nipple "Did... did you just cum?"
"I... I think so" she nodded, stuffing her fingers into her panties and feeling around her downstairs before her eyes widened in shock, her fingers now coated with her own orgasmic fluid as she removed them from the now-ruined underwear.
"I... that's never happened before Adrian" she said "Nopony I've ever slept with has brought me to an orgasm through my breasts"
She moved her hand down to her stockings in order to wipe off the fluid before Adrian caught her wrist, bring her hand back up and beginning to lick her fingers clean.
"Adrian!" she exclaimed "What are you doing?"
"Why let good things go to waste?" he asked, lapping her fingers clean before licking his lips hungrily "Wow... that tastes like honey"
"Uh... I'v been told that before actually" she said with a smile "I'm glad you like it"
"Can I have some more?" he asked, taking her by the hips and leading her back to the bed, finally unclasping her soaked panties, pulling them off and spreading her legs open, rubbing his thumb against her swollen clitoris.
Celestia held her breath excitedly as Adrian moved his mouth towards the fleshy nub, his hot breath sending shivers down her spine before his soft, strong strong pressed against her lower lips and he dragged it up, using the tip of his tongue to flick her clitoris.
Celestia was about praise him on how good that felt before he erupted into a coughing fit, covering his mouth with his hand and turning away from her.
"Adrian?" she asked in a worried manner "What's wrong my dear?"
"Nothing..." he said, wiping his mouth and keeping a straight face "I think I just swallowed a cob-web"
There was a loud cracking sound as Celestia slapped Adrian on the back of his head, the nineteen year old's childish laughter filling the room before Celestia grabbed his head and pushed it against her vagina, his mouth clamping over her sweet honeypot as he began to suck gently, Celestia's previous anger melting away into the fluid that ran down her thighs.
Adrian's tongue pushed and spread the ancient princess's forever-tight cove, her back arching as his strong muscle pushed deeper inside her, the twists and curls mixed with the pressure from his sucking caused her head to spin and her stomach to do backflips.
His powerful fingers caressed and massaged her thighs, occasionally breaking away from her hot sex to kiss and lick the juices off her thighs before going back to pleasuring her directly.
Celestia had subconsciously began to grind her pussy against his mouth, her strong hips performing circular motions as she clamped her hands down onto her breasts, pulling and pinching her own nipples as she got closer to her second orgasm, her clitoris beginning to swell even more as Adrian brought her closer and closer to the edge.
Several more skilled licks and a few more tongue thrusts was all it took to push the ancient beauty over the edge of the second time, her hot honey flowing from her sex like water from a tap, her lover's eager tongue making sure to catch every drop of her sweet essence.
It was at this point that Adrian did something that greatly surprised Celestia, after licking her through most of her orgasm he pulled away from her lower lips and moved up her body, locking lips with her and allowing her to taste her own essence, something that nopony had every done to her before.
Celestia was initially disgusted by the action but as she caressed his tongue with her own longer and longer the more she longed for more of her essence, developing a hunger for her own sexual juices thanks to her human consort.
Celestia broke away from him, staring at him in the eyes as she wrapped her arms around his strong body, sweat coating hers and making it easy to Adrian to slide his arms up to her neck, resting his head on her breasts for several moments.
"Adrian..." Celestia panted, the ancient creature feeling exhausted after two of the most powerful orgasms of her life "Do... do you want me to pay you back for those?"
"You can afterwards" he said with a smirk, kissing her on the lips again before moving off her body, resting his cock, still large even for a woman of Celestia's size, on the outer lips of her pussy and beginning to grin against them, Celestia biting her lip and leaning her head back as Adrian caressed her stomach yet again.
"Just let me know when you're ready" he said kindly, the base of his cock now slick with the leftover fluid Celestia had gifted to him.
Celestia looked down her body at her loved, a calm expression on her face before she smiled, nodding for him to continue.
"Don't hold back" she said "I want everything you've got"
"Fair enough" he said, guiding his thick shaft to her opening, pushing in as deep as he could go with a sfot grunt.
Celestia's back arched with a loud moan tearing from her lips, saving seen his formidable size on the outside but forgetting how tight she was on the inside, and Adrian's enormous shaft was stretching her out further than she had been in a long time.
Once he'd hilted himself in her he moved his hands down her body, placing them on her wide hips before sliding out again, Celestia sucking in a breath as she felt her inner walls being pulled and tugged on by the monstrous cock that had been placed inside her, feeling just the large head of his shaft inside her before he bucked into her again, another moan sounding throughout the room.
Celestia's hands tightly gripped the bedsheets as her lover began rutting her, her eyes locked onto his strong, toned abdomen flexing powerfully.
Her back arched as every powerful thrust Adrian threw in caught her offguard with the strong waves of sexual bliss rocketed through her nervous system and up to her brain, her dopamine receptors catching every particle of the pure angelic bliss she felt surging through her body, the sound of Adrian's body slamming into hers creating a loud yet rhythmic sound that only succeeded in lowering Celestia out of the world of thought and reason, submerging her deep in her primal desires to procreate.
She sat up on the bed, wrapping her arms and legs around Adrian's body as he placed his head on her soft bust, her enormous chest providing the best resting place for him to feel the embrace of genuine love and for his lower body to feel the passion and release of powerful sex.
Adrian clamped his mouth back onto Celestia's erect nipple, sucking harder than he ever had before while employing the trick he'd told her about earlier to make himself last longer, his fingers now gripping harder on Celestia's waist than ever as he kicked his sexual efforts into overdrive.
Celestia once again drew blood from her lips as Adrian's fast and hard thrusts continued to blast her entire body with ecstatic waves of pleasure, her inner walls clamping down as she drew closer to her third orgasm while Adrian seemed to be nowhere close to cumming.
Celesia felt quite disappointed in herself, seeming unable to satisfy her lover before she came herself, wondering whether or not to broach the topic with him now or wait until later.
Her rational mind was destroyed again as Adrian, using all of his strength, flipped her over onto her back, greatly surprising the princess and making her call out in shock.
"Hey!" she exclaimed.
"Relax" Adrian said, pushing back inside her as the Princess propped herself up on her elbows, trying her best to keep her arms strong while her lover nearly decimated her insides, the tightness of her walls nearly making her own natural lubrication useless as Adrian's powerful shaft slammed into her, with more force than speed now, as each thrust knocked her forward slightly.
She knew she could keep herself up while she was being fucked, but she predicted, and was right, that she couldn't keep herself up when her third orgasm hit, the pussy clamping down on Adrian's cock, the powerful thrusts still not slowing down, as her eyes rolled back into her skull again.
"Adrian..." she panted, looking back at him with her wings fully extended and sweat on her face, her usually styled mane now frizzled and ruffled, loose strands and thick clumps hanging over her face as she struggled to get her breath back "I need a break"
Adrian nodded, slowly pulling out of her as she dropped her head down onto the bed, the human sitting on the bed next to her and continuing to massage her shaking pussy, Celestia's wings nearly vibrating from the overload of pleasure and the sexual high she never wanted to end.
"I'm... I'm sorry I can't get you off" she said, turning over and allowing Adrian to lie on top of her, her arms wrapped around him as she played with his hair "You must think I'm a terrible lover"
"Not at all, you're one of the best I've ever had Celestia" Adrian said, kissing her again "Just try to get yourself back up to performance shape and then we'll go again"
"But... you'll have calmed down by then and it'll take longer still" Celestia said, shaking her head and clicking her fingers, using her magic to clean herself up before moving to the top of the bed, resting against the headrest and opening her legs, narrowing her eyes and winking.
"Come on then big boy, let's see if I can't get you to pop" she grinned, spreading her pussy with her fingers before blowing a kiss.
Adrian moved over to her, kneeling in front of her and allowing her to slide back onto his shaft, her legs draped over his own as she wrapped her arms around his neck to hold him close.
"Don't stop till you cum" she whispered in his ear "Fuck me raw if you have to but I swear on my crown you'll cum before we go to sleep tonight"
Adrian nodded and began to buck his hips into her, Celestia having to brace her neck to prevent herself from getting whiplash as the young stud continued to rut her, hot breaths escaping her mouth as she felt the sweat trickle down her back, her wings twitching in a violent manner as she felt the exhaustion begin to settle on her again.
She gritted her teeth and screwed her eyes shut, trying her best to keep her fourth orgasms at bay, their evolutionary differences making him seem like an indomitable machine while she must seem like one of the quickest shots in female history.
They'd been at it for half an hour if Celestia could see the clock correctly and Adrian showed no signs of stopping, the seemingly unlimited energy he had and the powerful muscles he used to fuck her senseless giving her a list of bonuses for stallions, no, men that were in shape and worked out a lot.
Adrian clamped his mouth onto her neck and began to suck on her fur, his tongue soaking the thin hairs on her body as he licked and lathered her soft areas with spit, Celestia's head lolling back her eyes quickly followed suit, trying to stave off another orgasm as Adrian shifted his position slightly, his knees lifting her up off the bed and resting her back against the headboard and forcing her hamstrings and calves to keep her up on her feet.
She ran a hand through her thick mane, clearing it and the sweat build-up out of her eyes so that she could adore the face of her sexual champion, the man who had brought her more sexual pleasure in the past hour than most stallions could in a lifetime.
Celestia began to feel the burn of her legs exerting themselves and spoke to Adrian, begging him to change position.
He nodded, pulling out briefly and turning her around, placing her on her hands and knees while he stood on his feet, hands tightly gripping the headboard as he began to fuck her into the mattress.
Celestia was now screaming into the pillow, her sweaty face almost immediately soaking the swan-feather item and the juices from her pussy ran down her leg, more and more of it forced out with each powerful buck of Adrian's hips.
She failed to push back a fourth orgasm this time and came yet again, giving it her all to stay on her feet as she tried to satisfy her lover, his body now covered in sweat from all his effort.
She barely heard him grunting over how loud she was moaning into the pillow, her blunt teeth now having torn the expensive material to shreds as her orgasmic juices spilled down onto the bed below and left a large wet patch, thankful that if not for the sweat her legs would be coated with the sticky resin of her repeated orgasms.
And then, as if by miracle, Adrian sent her a sign that it was nearly over.
"Celly" he groaned "I'm getting close"
A look of pride shone on Celestia's face as she felt him finally tense the muscle in his cock, his grunts becoming louder and louder as she made the effort to slam her hips back to meet his thrusts, feeling pre leak out of the head of his cock and further slick the insides of her already raw and soaked cove.
She could feel how close he was from how hard he was now thrusting, his leg muscles tensed and stretched as he gave three more powerful thrusts and, as if by divine intervention, on the third one he finally climaxed.
She moaned in heavenly bliss as he blew his load into her, his cock spraying thick stream after thick stream of his seed deep into her womb.
A third cut opened up on her lip as the warm, thick liquid filled up her womb, sending a warm and contented feeling resonating through her body as she continued to grind against his length to milk everything he had into her, his hands placed gently on her rear as he pulled out, dropping onto the bed and then onto his back.
Celestia felt his load overflow from her cove, spilling onto the bedsheets and staining the sheets with the love Adrian had provided her.
She turned around and collapsed on top of her consort, her lips locking onto his as he clamped his hands onto her thick ass, squeezing and kneading the large fleshy rear as Celestia giggled into his mouth.
"Holy... fuck" Celestia said, forcing herself to sit up as to not crush Adrian "That was incredible"
"I know" Adrian nodded, growing serious for a long second before speaking "Celestia?"
"Yes not-so-little-one?" she asked playfully.
"Can I just say something to you?" he asked.
"Go ahead" she nodded.
"I know I'm not from around here, I know I'm not one of your species and I know you might live longer than I ever will, but as of right now, with what we've got, I'll be with you till three-thousand-and-five Celestia, I promise"
"What... what d'you mean by that?" she asked in a curious tone.
"I'll tell you tomorrow" he promised "Let's just go to sleep first"
He rolled out from underneath her and she collapsed down next to him, the two of them lying in the wrong direction on the bed as they stared at each other, the thick scent of sex hanging in the air as the musky odour of cum and sweat clung to the both of them.
Though they didn't care, they were exhausted and exhilarated at the same time, the two of them glowing with satisfaction as Celestia wrapped an arm around Adrian and pulled him on top of her, his head resting on her breasts as she wrapped her wings around him, the warmth of their bodies and Celestia's large feathers being all they needed to fall asleep in each other's embrace, knowing that the two of them shared a bond that would last a lifetime.
