Prologue - The Tornado of Coolness (and Destruction)
"Okay, so where's the evil death machines you were talking about?"
"Ah'm afraid she's right, Sugarcube. These don't look like evil death machines."
"Give them time."
The new and not-improved Freddy Fazbear's Pizza was open for business in Ponyville. Many a muddy hoofprint had graced it's floors, and the new but already dingy walls had grease stains on them.
Rainbow Dash peered around. "If Rarity was here I know the first thing she would say." Standing on her hind legs, she swooned over onto Applejack's back. "Oh, this place is simply dreadful! The smell is horrendous, not to mention the walls are so garish."
"RD, that's nice n' all, but could ya do me a favor n' get offa ma back!" Applejack breathed a sigh of relief as Rainbow flew into the air with an apologetic grin. "So that's where Granny Smith's pies have gone." Applejack said, poking Rainbow's belly.
"Hey! Not true!"
Pinkie Pie ignored her partners' shenanigans, instead focusing her sole attention on the giant bipedal creatures before her. Last time she had set eyes on them, they were broken and dismantled, at first the objects of her pity, then quickly becoming the objects of her hate. Now she stared at their faces, taking in every dirty hoof-print and every greasy stain. In her inspection Pinkie noticed something leaking out of their eyes. Was that... no way.... She reached a shaking hoof up to their faces, when suddenly Mr. Faz was by her side.
Mr. Faz was a griffin, and a large one at that. "Hello, Pinkie! What a wonderful surprise to see you here!" He lowered his voice dramatically. "Especially after your night-guard job."
She chuckled darkly. "It took courage to step in here. And pie. Lots and lots of pie."
Mr. Faz raised an eyebrow in confusion, which managed to inch even farther up his face when Rainbow yelled in the background,"I told you, but did you believe me? Nooo."
"Says the pony who weighs more than a future Wonderbolt should!"
"Oh!" Pinkie's face lit up. "This is Applejack and Rainbow Dash! My bestest friends!" Whispers across the whole restaurant began to flit back and forth at this announcement. The three friends looked around uneasily.
A little brown pegasus colt who was probably younger than the Cutie Mark Crusaders walked up to Rainbow. "Are you the Rainbow Dash?"
Rainbow flew up into the air and puffed out her chest. "Yup! That's me!"
The colt grinned hugely. "Wow! You're my hero!"
"Yeah, I'm pretty awesome." A quick jab from Applejack. "I-I mean, uh, thanks kid."
His innocent blue eyes stared at Rainbow. "Can you stay and tell us stories about the Sonic Rainboom?"
Rainbow's cocky smile grew even wider. "Sit down, kid, and let me tell you about how cool I am."
Applejack's hoof met her face as Pinkie sighed. Mr. Faz shared a knowing look. "She does this often?"
"Ya have no idea." With that AJ and Pinkie sat down as Rainbow began her stories.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"And then WHAM! I was surrounded! I didn't have any other option, but to pull out the Tornado of Coolness!"
Applejack held back her laughter. She whispered to Pinkie,"That ain't how the Canterlot Invasion happened."
A red unicorn filly raised his hoof.
"Yeah, squirt?"
"Can you show us the Tornado of Coolness?"
Rainbow flew into the air. "Get ready to see how awesome is defined!"
Applejack eye's dilated. "Wait, Rainbow, don't-"
But it was too late. Rainbow had already begun to cut through the air like a knife through butter. Spinning faster and faster, the wind picked up. Chairs began to fly towards the tornado much to the horror of Mr. Faz, Pinkie, and Applejack. Inside the tornado, Rainbow got smacked in the back of the head by a chair. Turning around quickly, she saw chairs getting banged together, legs falling off, and backs torn off. She dodged and swerved, having no time to keep the tornado going.
Outside, various pieces of chairs rained down. The chair storm lasted about 20 seconds, but that was still enough time for dents to be made in tables and Mr. Faz to realize that literally every single chair in the Dining Area had been caught up in the storm. He leveled a glare at Rainbow, who smiled apologetically. "Woops. I may have gone a little overboard."
He ground his teeth. "You're going to have to pay for every one of those chairs. And the tables too! Kids, Freddy's is closed today. Go home." A small chorus of aww's echoed throughout while little hoofsteps went towards the door.
Applejack spoke up. "Uh, weren't these custom made chairs?"
"Yes."
"Then how much would they cost all together?"
Mr. Faz made the show of thinking. "Around 500,000 bits."
The trio of friends blanched. "Isn't there a job we can take? Like a janitor or something?" Rainbow said.
"Well, I haven't found a night guard yet an-"
"NO!" Applejack and Rainbow looked at Pinkie with surprise in their eyes. "Not that job!"
Applejack glanced furtively over at Mr. Faz, who was currently having a glaring contest with Rainbow. "Pinkie, it's either that, or we fork over 500,000 bits. You know that none of us have that kind of money!"
"B-but..."
"Please, Pinkie! Big Mac and Granny would tan mah hide if they knew Ah had to pay even a third of that!"
Pinkie sighed. "Okay... But we all have to show up, every night!"
"Deal!" Applejack did a hoofbump with Pinkie then looked at Rainbow.
"What?" Rainbow asked.
Applejack grinned. "Ah never thought Ah'ed say this, but Dash, take all the naps you want."
"Okay, number one SWEET! And two, what's with this change of attitude towards my nap taking?"
At this point, Applejack's grin became sadistic. "'Cause you better show up tomorrow night at 11:30 P.M."
Mr. Faz butted in. "So, you'll take the job?"
"Yu-"
"No! I am not waking up to play babysit with some dumb robots at the Celestial hours of the morning!" Rainbow said vehemently.
Applejack turned to Rainbow. "Then you can pay off the bill yerself. Lets go, Pinkie."
Rainbow's face quickly became a look of is-she-serious? and then onto a look of OH-HORSEAPPLES-SHE'S-SERIOUS!!! Finally, Rainbow sighed. "Fine."
Applejack's smug grin rubbed salt in Rainbow's wounded pride. "See ya tomorrow Mr. Faz!"
Mr. Faz waved as they left the place. The trio walked in silence for a little while until Rainbow said, "I hate you."
"Ah know."
Pinkie paused as they passed Sugarcube Corner. "See ya tomorrow?"
Applejack nodded while Rainbow just grunted. Waving goodbye to her friends, Pinkie went about the rest of her day as normal. When she got in her bed however, there was only one thing she could say.
"Buck."
Night 1 - Oh, They ARE Evil Death Machines!
Night 1 - Oh, They ARE Evil Death Machines!
11:30 P.M.
The doors creaked open, and three tired ponies and a surprisingly chipper griffin walked in.
A yawn escaped Rainbow Dash."Pinkie?"
No answer.
"Pinkie? Why are you-" Rainbow's hoof became very well acquainted with her face. "Pinkie Pie!"
The slumbering earth pony jolted awake. "Yes Sir! Fries with a topping of blue!"
Rainbow rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Pinkie, why are you carrying around banana peels?"
"Duh, cause it worked before!"
"What is that supposed to mean!"
Applejack walked over and put a hoof on Rainbow's shoulder. "It's Pinkie Pie, Rainbow."
"Um, if I may interrupt?" Mr. Faz said as he sidled over to the three. They looked at him with mild looks of irritation. He took it as an okay to continue. "We need to get going before 12. I still need to show you your office."
Applejack nodded for the three of them. "Lead the way, Mr. Faz."
Pinkie visibly relaxed when they stepped into the office. "You added doors for us! Yay!" She then preceded to jump around and sing "We're not going to die!" over and over.
Applejack and Rainbow laughed at their friend's antics. All the tension had left the room as though a rabid weasel had chased it out. The only one not laughing was Mr. Faz. He checked the clock on the wall, and jumped at how late it was. "I apologize, but I must go." The tension rushed back like pain when a cat decided it was tired of being petted.
Applejack frowned. "Aren't ya goin' ta explain how to do our job?"
He yelled back his response as he ran out. "I recorded messages!"
"Rude!" Rainbow said.
12 A.M.
A soft shoom sound signaled the change to battery power. Almost immediately the phone began to ring. "Talk about fast service." Rainbow muttered.
"Hello, hello?"
"Hush up, ya'll, we need to listen."
"Uh, I wanted to record a message for you to help you get settled in on your first night. Um, I actually worked in that office before you. I'm finishing up my last week now, as a matter of fact. So, I know it can be a bit overwhelming, but I'm here to tell you there's nothing to worry about. Uh, you'll do fine. So, let's just focus on getting you through your first week. Okay?"
Rainbow giggled to herself. "Of course there's nothing to worry about! We're in a pizzaria for Celestia's sake!" Pinkie shot Rainbow a look as Applejack shushed her again.
"Uh, let's see, first there's an introductory greeting from the company that I'm supposed to read. Uh, it's kind of a legal thing, you know. Um, 'Welcome to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. A magical place for kids and grown-ups alike, where fantasy and fun come to life. Fazbear Entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or pony. Upon discovering that damage or death has occurred, a missing pony report will be filed within 90 days, or as soon as property and premises have been thoroughly cleaned and bleached, and the carpets have been replaced."
Pinkie tapped her chin. "You know that sounds kind of familia- wait WHAT!?"
"Calm down, Sugarcube. Ah'm sure he's jokin'. Right?" Applejack looked uneasily towards Rainbow and Pinkie, who shared similar looks on their faces.
"Blah blah blah, now that might sound bad, I know, but there's really nothing to worry about. Uh, the animatronic characters here do get a bit quirky at night, but do I blame them? No. If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath? I'd probably be a bit irritable at night too. So, remember, these characters hold a special place in the hearts of children and we need to show them a little respect, right? Okay."
Rainbow flew up close to the phone and yelled at it. "What type of quirky!? Huh?!"
"Dashie, I think we need to listen to the phone. Not yell at it."
"So, just be aware, the characters do tend to wander a bit. Uh, they're left in some kind of free roaming mode at night. Uh... something about their servos locking up if they get turned off for too long. Uh, they used to be allowed to walk around during the day too. But then there was The Bite of '87. Yeah. I-It's amazing that the pony body can live without the frontal lobe, you know?"
"WHAT!?" All three ponies shouted in unison. They then proceeded to quickly check the cameras and both lights.
"Uh, now concerning your saftey-"
"Guys, listen, this is important!"
"-the only real risk to you as a night watchpony here, if any, is the fact that these characters, uh, if they happen to see you after hours probably won't recognize you as a pony. They'll p-most likely see you as a metal endoskeleton without its costume on. Now since that's against the rules here at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, they'll probably try to... forcefully stuff you inside a Freddy Fazbear suit. Um, now that wouldn't be so bad if the suits themselves weren't filled with crossbeams, wires, and animatronic devices, especially around the facial area. So, you could imagine how having your head forcefully pressed inside one of those could cause a bit of discomfort... and death. Uh, the only parts of you that would likely see the light of day again would be your eyeballs and teeth when they pop out the front of the mask, heh."
"We don't even look like them! How do they mistake us for endomawhatsits!?"
"Ah don't know, Ah don't know! Pinkie what do we do?"
Pinkie pulled up the camera and proceeded to stare at it. "Check the sides of the doors, but stay away from the door frame." Rainbow saluted and flew to the right, while Applejack nodded solemnly and went to the left.
"Y-Yeah, they don't tell you these things when you sign up. But hey, first day should be a breeze. I'll chat with you tomorrow. Uh, check those cameras, and remember to close the doors only if absolutely necessary. Gotta conserve power. Alright, good night."
3 A.M.
"Pinkie Pie?"
"Yeah?"
"This is boring."
"Uh-huh."
Rainbow looked out of the right door, completely ignoring Pinkie's advice from earlier. "Nothing's happening. Has anypon- I mean anybody moved at all?"
Pinkie's face brightened considerably. "Not at all, which means that we are safe!"
At this statement, Applejack's face became more nervous. "Uh, Pinkie, don't say that."
"Why not?"
"'Cause of jinxe-"
Pinkie's gasp cut off Applejack. "Bonnie's GONE!"
Rainbow's eyes widened considerably. "Where is he? Pinkie where is he!?"
"He's in the Dining Are- No, wait! He's moved again. Now he's in the Backstage. At least he's not near us right?" Pinkie said, trying to put a positive spin on things.
"I just want to know if he's near the bathrooms or not."
"Why wou-" Pinkie reached realization quickly. Applejack had already smacked her face with her hoof hard enough to leave a moderately sized bruise. "Dashie, please tell me you don't have to go to the little fillies room?"
Rainbow's grin was apologetic. "Uh, maybe?"
"Well yer just gonna have ta hold it." Applejack pointed out. "Unless ya wanna go and deal with 'em hoof-ta-hoof that is."
"I'll deal with them hoof-to-hoof." Both Pinkie and Applejack groaned. "Uh, can one of you possibly go with me?"
"Why, ya scared RD?"
Rainbow's reply was indignant. "No! I just, like to have insurance nearb- okay, yes, I'm scared. But you are too!" She pointed towards a sniggering Applejack. The sniggering abruptly stopped.
"Ah am not! Shoot, Ah'll go with ya just ta show ya how un-scared Ah am!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
"Girls, shouldn't you be going before Bonnie moves again?" Pinkie interrupted.
Rainbow saluted again. "Watch our backs, Pinkie."
"Sir yes Sir Ma'am Sir!" Pinkie saluted in kind, then turned back to the camera. "Okay, Freddy and Chica are still there... Let's se- WHERE'S BONNIE!?"
"Applejack?"
"Hmm?"
Rainbow shivered. "Why is that light blinking in a creepy manner?"
"Ah dunno."
They both lapsed into silence as they walked out of the hallway and into the Dining Area. It took them two seconds to realize that Bonnie was standing in the Dining area pointed towards the camera. Rainbow hissed through her teeth while Applejack drew back. Rainbow looked furtively towards the bathroom and then towards Bonnie. Suddenly she dashed through the air to the bathroom, making next to no noise. Rainbow turned around and waved her hoof to Applejack, who looked pointedly towards her hooves and the floor. Rainbow signaled again, this time more quickly. Applejack swallowed and began to sneak towards the bathroom, attempting to place her hooves on the ground softly. A soft tink noise was heard every time she placed her hooves down. Finally she made it to the bathroom, while successfully not alerting the demon spa- I MEAN animatronic.
"Now hurry!" Applejack hissed.
Rainbow nodded, flew into one of the stalls, and shut the door. Applejack stood partially hidden in the shadows, watching Bonnie. He looked around and lumbered towards the hallway they just left. She let out a breath. AJ turned back to tell Rainbow that Bonnie was gone and came face to face with Chica.
"How in the hay-" Applejack began, but was sideswiped by a giant yellow arm. She fell against the opposite wall, a large bruise developing on her barrel. Applejack ignored the pain, stood up, and bucked the yellow demon so hard Chica's casing collapsed inward. "Hurry up, Rainbow!"
"Hold on, I gotta wash my hooves!"
"Personal hygiene can wait! We have ta go! Ah'm not sure how long Quacky Smack will stay down!"
Rainbow flew out of the restroom and took in the fight scene. "Let's go!" They both galloped towards the left hallway, leaving Chica in the bathroom.
4 A.M.
Pinkie looked around on the cameras, but couldn't spot Bonnie anywhere. She checked the light and shrieked. Bonnie stood there, looking at her. Pinkie flew over to the door and pressed her hoof down on the door button, slamming down the giant metal door in Bonnie's face. She sighed and picked up the camera again. What she saw nearly caused her to drop one of their life saving devices. Applejack and Rainbow were running straight for the closed door.
Rainbow skidded to a halt in front of Applejack, causing the latter to crash into her. "Run Rainbow! We ain't got time!"
Rainbow raised a shaking hoof and pointed towards Bonnie, who had finally noticed them. He stepped towards them menacingly. The door he was at opened and Pinkie's poofy head popped out. "Hurry guys!"
Applejack and Rainbow both turned around and began to run towards the end of the hallway. They stopped as suddenly as they had started. Chica was standing at the end of the hallway, her collapsed chest sparking. Applejack and Rainbow backed up, staying as far away as possible from both.
Rainbow mouth split into a grin. "AJ? Let's bring the fight to them!" That said, Rainbow flew towards Bonnie and punched him in face. Bonnie's head made a loud crunching noise as it was forced farther back than it was supposed to go. "How do you like that?"
"Hurry up!" came the shout from Pinkie.
Applejack turned around and bucked Bonnie in the leg. Bonnie collapsed, his leg severely broken. The cyan pegasus and the orange mare ran past him, running into the office and closing the door.
Applejack murmured, "Ah'm bringin' an empty bottle tomorrow night."
Pinkie fussed over them for a while, then settled back down into her chair. "Hopefully that never happens again."
"Agreed."
"Yup."
5:45 A.M.
"Pinkie, are ya okay? Yer sweatin' like a pig."
Pinkie squeaked, "No- I mean, yes, I'm fine." In reality Pinkie was watching the power tick down. They only had 3% power left. Pinkie didn't know what would happen if they ran out, but she didn't want to discover.
2%
1%
The power just had hit 0% when the power of the entire building turned on.
Rainbow looked around suspiciously. "What time is it?"
Pinkie sat up and squealed, "WE MADE IT! WE DIDN'T DIE!"
Applejack grinned. "I can't wait to get home ta ma comfy bed."
They all laughed and cried tears of joy. The first night was over.
"I really hope tomorrow doesn't go like it did today." Rainbow had broken the happy spell, as the other ponies realized that they had another four days at this job.
"What? What'd I say? Guys? Are you okay?"
Author's Note
Goodness what a long chapter! Also I hope this was sufficiently dark and funny at the same time. I shall be trying to get out a new chapter every Saturday. Look forward to that. Also epic pic. I'm tired of writing. Merry Christmas.
